Work Text:
"Are you going easy on me? "
Feng Xin forced out a laugh, or whatever choked sound that came out from his throat. In this undignified position, laying down on the dirt with his bow just a few centimetres from his reach.
Feng Xin looked up towards the other general.
"No, why would I?"
The very tip of Mu Qing's sabre shone blindingly amongst the light of the heavenly realm. It was sharp, elegant, left him breathless and was pointed straight at his throat.
To Feng Xin, it seemed as if the only time Mu Qing would let him anywhere near was whenever they fought. Whenever they argued. The two generals both had this innate talent of effortlessly provoking each other, and it came as natural to them as breathing air.
But Feng Xin knew that he trusted the man above him – the very same one that held a very sharp sword – not to kill him.
Because neither of them truly wanted the other to die. He at least had enough trust in the other man to know that these fights now would never go too far. After all, if those were Mu Qing's true intentions, he could have easily disposed of him a long time ago. Feng Xin knew he was a highly capable person.
They stayed like this for a few more moments. Mu Qing's knee pressed right between where Feng Xin's ribs were. Feng Xin prayed that the latter wouldn't be able to detect his traitorous heart. It always started getting fired up whenever they fought each other. He wasn't sure if it was anticipation, anger or the tension which had been simmering for centuries. But ultimately, Feng Xin had decided a long time ago that Mu Qing was absolutely not allowed to find out how much he really affected him.
"What made you think that I was going easy on you?" Feng Xin grinned up at him sheepishly, trying to distract the other from shifting their knee and exposing his secret.
“You were sloppy,” Mu Qing replied, sabre still pointed towards Feng Xin, “And distracted. Stop that, it’s weird.”
Feng Xin paused. For once, he agreed with Mu Qing? Something was definitely off about himself today. Perhaps stopping their sparring session early would give him time to recover in time for their next match.
"Maybe should take a break from this?” Feng Xin asked nonchalantly.
Mu Qing visually flinched at the question, seemingly shocked that Feng Xin had even brought it up. Since when had they ever taken a break from… whatever this was? For this level of hostility to stop, it was just weird. There was never a point in their long lives where they stopped fighting each other, both verbally and physically. Even when giving each other the silent treatment, it felt like an active, passive war. The air would have always been rife with the tension ready to snap at any moment.
“Take a break from what?” Mu Qing raised his knee from Feng Xin’s chest and subsequently withdrew his weapon. Standing up, Mu Qing patted off any dust that had gotten on his shoulders during the skirmish.
“From fighting?” Feng Xin suggested, pushing himself up with his arms to sit up. “We always keep arguing---”
Feng Xin froze mid-sentence as he saw the look that Mu Qing gave him. He had seen that look before. The look of panic and bewilderment, the refusal to accept change. But as quickly as the expression appeared, it disappeared later in the blink of an eye. It was back to the usual stoic expression that Mu Qing wore.
“Why can’t you just stop bothering me? Don’t you have anything else better to do, Feng Xin?"
Mu Qing didn’t want to admit it. But this was the only way they’d found to interact with each other in the past few centuries. At least when they were working under Xie Lian, they’d at least been forced together. But despite their shared history, there was nothing else tying them together apart from this hostility and the duty assigned to the both of them as the martial gods of the south.
In another, alternate universe, if Feng Xin wasn’t so insufferable, Mu Qing could -at times- imagine them being… friendly.
On the other hand, Feng Xin was surprised. Why had it been this easy to convince Mu Qing to lay off their fighting? He thought Mu Qing's response would be something along the lines of how he would be a chicken for forfeiting any future fights.
It felt weird, really weird. Almost as weird as the way he had gotten distracted by Mu Qing’s glare earlier during their duel. That was really weird, usually that glare would just piss him off. Yeah, that’s probably what made him sloppy enough to get pinned to the ground by Mu Qing. Luckily no one was able to witness this embarrassing once-in-a-century defeat.
Feng Xin was too used to everything between them to be like a competition to one-up each other or trying to convince the other that their opinion was much more superior.
So why did he feel so disappointed when Mu Qing started to adjust his ponytail the way he always did before returning to his duties?
All Feng Xin could do was stare blankly as Mu Qing let his silver locks perfectly fall into place. And then Mu Qing turned towards the exit and started walking towards it.
“Wait.” Feng Xin scrambled up to his feet.
But Mu Qing didn’t budge, didn’t even turn around to face Feng Xin, didn’t even stop mid-step. Like he was unaffected. He always seemed to be unaffected.
But if that really was the case, then what was the look of bewilderment from earlier?
“Mu Qing, you didn’t let me finish. I just,” Feng Xin hurriedly walked, reaching for Mu Qing’s sleeve before the latter could leave. As soon as his fingers touched those dark luxurious robes he’d been so familiar with, he tightened his grip and gave it an uncharacteristically soft tug. Just enough to catch Mu Qing’s attention.
“I just--”
Mu Qing whirled around – probably on purpose – since his silver hair smacked Feng Xin across the face. Feng Xin was tempted to sputter in reaction, but that would probably piss off Mu Qing and ruin his chance of talking to him. An already irritated look was plastered on Mu Qing’s face, after all.
“What do you want?” That glare said it all.
“That break I was talking about earlier,” Feng Xin elaborated, “I meant to say that we could’ve been doing something else, you know? Something else other than fighting whenever we interact?”
“And it only took you this long to realise," Mu Qing rolled his eyes, “There's better things to do back to my palace. I'm leaving.” and then he shook off Feng Xin from his sleeve.
“No, Mu Qing-- fuck, I meant--!” He broke into a sprint to catch up.
Still ignored.
“Don’t waste my time.”
“I meant, do you want my help?”
Mu Qing's eyebrows scrunched into a look that seemed to of confusion. There was absolute no context, no prompt, no nothing that prepared Mu Qing for the words he thought he would never hear out of Feng Xin's mouth.
Feng Xin offering him help? In what universe? Somebody please pinch Mu Qing so he can wake up from whatever cruel dream this was.
“Wait. No. Um-” Feng Xin sighed. “Shit, give me a moment to think!”
Mu Qing rose an eyebrow at Feng Xin’s quite obvious fuck up. He was at least amused enough to stay. Though he would probably laugh and would ridicule Feng Xin in the future for being so awkward.
“Do you… Do you want help with anything?” Feng Xin said in a hushed tone, a bit reluctant to say the words aloud. Was this really what he wanted to tell Mu Qing? "It'd be better than fighting, right?"
“Why would I need help? I’ve always been fine by myself. Relying on others is bothersome."
Had he really been that bad of a person for Mu Qing to live this way? Was there really no one by his side for all these years? Did those arguments and interactions they had together not count?
The thought of Mu Qing disappearing had always terrified him.
Feng Xin realised that he felt grateful that Mu Qing also rose up in power much like he did. That there was someone else out there who shared the same history as him within an arms’ reach if he ever wanted to talk to them. Though he never ended up carrying through with it due to various reasons. His highness’ abandonment had been too sore of a spot for too much of his heavenly life.
If he never reached out now, would there ever be another chance for him and Mu Qing?
Feng Xin never knew if he could ever completely forgive Mu Qing for leaving them the first time.
But it had never been so clear to him before: if he left Mu Qing to spend the rest of his years in lonesome – if he did nothing about it – he would regret it for the rest of his life. However long that was.
There had been 800 years of misunderstandings, and he would not let another 800 years pass by like this.
No matter the price.
So, Feng Xin frantically thought of the most direct way to say it.
“I want to spend time with you. Not fighting.”
Wait, wait wait! That didn’t sound quite right. He opened his mouth without thinking.
Less than a second later, Feng Xin yet again found Mu Qing’s sabre pressed against his neck. “ Who are you and what have you done with Feng Xin?”
“Hey! It’s still me -- I’m being serious though!” Feng Xin protested, eyes looking down at the sabre and making their way up to meet Mu Qing’s own eyes. “You never accept any help. You always do things on your own! It’s fucking annoying, you know? We’re meant to share the south region!”
“Because we never needed to. The way things are– it’s been fine for the past few centuries and it will continue to be fine.” Mu Qing was already starting to turn away again, “What made you want to suddenly act like a hero?”
“I just don't want it to end up this way!” Feng Xin cried out, “I know I don't get along with you– you're a pain in the ass!”
“Well, thanks for the offer, but can’t you see that I’ve been doing fine?”
At this point, Mu Qing was no longer facing him as he spoke. Instead, the man in front of Feng Xin was slightly shaking as he spoke each word. Mu Qing's silver hair reminded him of turbulent waves that would reach the shoreline. Waves which were unrelenting and stubborn, just like a certain general. It didn't seem Mu Qing was just addressing Feng Xin. It felt like he was also berating himself.
Seeing Mu Qing like this brought Feng Xin back to the days where his mother would endlessly pace back and forth in chambers. It only happened whenever she was stressed. and every single time, without fail, she could never bring herself to face Feng Xin in that state. Parents were too prideful to show their weaknesses to their children.
But the only thing that could ever get through to her was a hug from her own son.
He remembered how she would inevitably sit down on her bed, pat the empty space beside her and asked him for a hug. Then she would pepper him all over with kisses because he would laugh because he was ticklish.
It was such a long time ago, though. Feng Xin wasn't even Xie Lian's bodyguard back then. The only thing he vividly remembered was how comfortable it felt.
But was Mu Qing in any state to ask for a hug? Could he even bring himself to ask for one?
Regardless, as much as he didn't get along with Mu Qing, he'd be stupid to leave him like this.
So Feng Xin probably did the dumbest and most embarrassing thing he would ever do in his life.
He reached his arms out and embraced Mu Qing from behind.
Feng Xin reasoned that even Mu Qing, regardless of how insufferable he was, deserved some form of care and affection.
The warmth from their contact felt unexpectedly tender, and had no trace of the usual hostility between them. The embrace was even more gentle than the tug had used on Mu Qing’s sleeve earlier. He knew that his hug was unexpected, but he wanted to share with him the comfort he felt from his memories. Feng Xin was aware that he was stepping out of his boundaries, but he didn't just want to let Mu Qing without resolving the misunderstanding.
With a hug so soft, Mu Qing could push him back any time he wanted to.
But he didn't.
Instead, he froze solid on the spot. But he made no attempt to elbow Feng Xin or shove him away, which was definitely a plus. “W-W-What do you think you’re doing…!”
It sounded more like a question rather than him being offended.
“I… I don’t know,” Feng Xin confessed, burying his face into Mu Qing’s surprisingly fragrant hair, “I guess, I care about you?”
“You guess you care about me?” Mu Qing repeated, “Is this some sort of joke?”
“I wouldn't joke about this.”
Despite the harsh words he'd just spoken, Mu Qing relaxed in his arms. Feng Xin couldn’t tell how the latter was feeling since he couldn’t see his face. He wondered what it looked like.
Luckily, Feng Xin didn’t have to wait long since Mu Qing shuffled around to face him.
But because Feng Xin had leaned down earlier to muffle his confession earlier, Mu Qing’s lips brushed against Feng Xin’s forehead. and Mu Qing immediately pulled away from the hug, effectively shoving him aside.
“That was a mistake!” Mu Qing’s face flushed. When Feng Xin noticed, he covered half his face.
Admittedly, Feng Xin was also flustered but let the redness on his face settle there freely, “It was?”
“...”
“I was being serious earlier though. I think I - ugh - care about you. I know, it’s fucking weird. It looked like we were just about to kill each other moments ago.” Feng Xin sheepishly grinned the same grin he had shown earlier when he was laying on the floor. “But, I want to help you.”
“Do you think that I care about your help? I don't exactly need it, do I?” Mu Qing asked.
“Maybe? Maybe not?” Mu Qing’s heart dropped at that addition of one word. But Feng Xin continued, “A long time ago, I thought that you didn't really care about anything besides yourself. But since we share the south together, I can't help but notice how well you take care of your people.”
"I'm a god. What else am I supposed to do? It's my job," Mu Qing stated as a matter of factly. Like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Well, that just makes me want to help even more. We have the same goal."
Mu Qing paused lowered the hand covering his face, “You're still insisting on helping?”
There was just no stopping him once he put his mind to something.
Feng Xin nodded his head. “Yeah.”
“What do you even want to help me with?”
“Well, I really don’t know where to start. So, ask me to do anything I guess? Don’t make me do anything stupid though!” Feng Xin warned.
"What exactly counts as your version of stupid?" Mu Qing put a finger to his chin.
"Anything that could cause me trouble," Feng Xin began to count on his fingers, "Something like forcing me to interact with women and – oh, for the love of god – please don't make me approach crimson rain."
Mu Qing crossed his arms together in concentration. Feng Xin hoped that he wasn't trying to think of some sort of loophole.
Then, after a minute of standing there, Mu Qing spoke only one word:
“Again.”
Mu Qing averted his gaze from Feng Xin, not wanting to meet his eyes. Mu Qing had hoped that the implication of 'again' was enough. But like most other times, the vague meaning flew right over Feng Xin’s head.
“What do you mean?”
“D-D-Do it again!” Mu Qing snapped, stepping towards Feng Xin and pointing at his arms.
“Ah,” Feng Xin mused, “Did you mean another hu–.”
“Shut up and don’t say it!” Mu Qing wailed, “Just do it!”
"That's really not a nice way to ask someone who's offering you their help," Feng Xin looked like he was about to laugh.
Was this what Mu Qing was like when he was being honest? Feng Xin found it a bit endearing.
Mu Qing harrumphed and turned around on his heel to leave.
"Hah, you're just like a bratty kid." Feng Xin caught his sleeve once again. "I never said I wouldn't do it. Come on, turn around."
Mu Qing reluctantly turned around to face Feng Xin. His face was flushed red much like earlier, Feng Xin thought that he was angry enough to start snapping or yelling at him at any moment. But instead all that came out was a feeble: "Get it over and done with already."
Feng Xin gave a defeated smile and opened his arms. Mu Qing relaxed his stiff posture.
Once again, they fell into an affectionate embrace. But this time, it was so much better than the one earlier because he knew that Mu Qing asked. Mu Qing had wanted it, too. This wasn't exactly the sort of help that Feng Xin envisioned he would be giving, but he wasn't opposed to it. In fact, he felt his stomach fluttering in reaction to it.
It was strangely similar to his irregular heartbeat earlier. Could they be related? Was it bad for him?
The longer he held Mu Qing within his arms, the worse the fluttering got. Exactly for how long were you supposed to hug someone anyway? Were you even supposed to feel this sensation?
After a while, Feng Xin started to loosen the way his arms enveloped around Mu Qing.
Of course, Mu Qing noticed this.
“Idiot. I never said to stop.”
“ Idiot? Well, can you at least tell me if it feels nice? I feel like you're one second away from headbutting me."
Mu Qing rested his head on Feng Xin’s shoulder and mumbled out a soft, "Yes."
Feng Xin felt his shoulder starting to get damp.
“Are you–”
“What other kind of help do you offer?” Mu Qing cut him off.
“Well, I was thinking something more along the lines of answering prayers. Or those doing those annoying as fuck errands. Xie Lian said he saw you do things behind the scenes. Don't you want some recognition for your hard work?"
“I don’t care if it’s unrecognised.” Mu Qing lifted his head from Feng Xin until they were face to face. Feng Xin could see his glossy eyes and the remnants of tears hiding between his lashes. Mu Qing's lips quivered, as if he had wanted to hold back a smile, “And, for the record, this one–”
He placed a proper kiss on Feng Xin’s forehead and pulled away a split second later. "– not a mistake.”
Feng Xin chuckled in response. "Is this your way of saying thanks?"
"...Not a word. Not a single word ." Threatened Mu Qing.
Feng Xin decided to keep indulging him.
"Alright," Feng Xin placed his forehead against Mu Qing's. "So how long do you want this hug to last?"
"Until I say so."