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Alexis wakes up in a panic.
Her body can’t get enough oxygen and her chest is collapsing in on itself and her nerves are working over time. Her mouth is cotton thick, dry with the remnants of an alcohol she doesn't even know the name of.
And she doesn’t even try to pull up the memory of its taste as her body begs for air. She gasps as though she’s drowning in a room full of air, as her conscious mind struggles to take in her surroundings.
Everything is white. Too white. The walls and the carpet and the sheets she’s swimming in. She escapes the waves of the too-bright comforter that tries to stifle her as she flees, buck naked, with her Sidekick phone firmly in her grasp.
She sits in the oversized dry bathtub, frantically pressing the speed dial that will connect her to her grumpy, just-woke-up, 17-year old brother.
He immediately starts ranting about Vegas blogs and 30yo pop stars and nip slips, but Alexis just ignores all of that as she faithfully clocks his high-pitched steady whines in an attempt to remind herself how to breathe.
Twyla startles awake moments after she unceremoniously drops to the ground. She grapples through the sleeping bag she’s wrapped in, as she gasps for breath. She has no idea where she is and the dark is encroaching in on her and all that surrounds her is yelling and she can’t remember how to breathe.
Until she hears Stevie’s voice.
Through a moonlight-slit in the blinds, she sees a hand moving towards her, and she would panic if this hand wasn’t also a kid’s and the voice frantically whispering affirmations wasn’t Stevie’s.
The hand and the voice orient her, in a moment, and it’s still a little hard to breathe but she remembers where she is. She’s on the cold ground next to the air mattress where Stevie still lies, both of them shielded by sleeping bags, covered in off-brand Disney characters.
Stevie’s great aunt and uncle are in her bed, which is why they’re on the floor in the living room. And her mom and step-dad are screaming somewhere in the house. And Stevie’s hand is reaching out in comfort.
And unlike in Twyla’s house, the screaming probably won’t lead to bruises, on Stevie’s mom or Twyla’s mom or Twyla.
Stevie’s hand moves until it finds Twyla’s, and Twy pulls their combined grip steady against her chest, and remembers how to breathe.
Twyla wakes up from a dreamless sleep struggling to breathe. Or so she thinks, until seconds later, when she successfully inhales, as she turns to see Alexis thrashing in the midst of a nightmare.
She’s learned from her dad, and mom, and stepdads, that waking up an adult in the midst of a nightmare usually leads to handprints and bruises. But Alexis, in a sliver of streetlight through the window, looks so vulnerable and so terrified that she chances it.
Twyla and Alexis have been sleeping together for about a month, but they’ve only spent the night together a handful of times. And Twyla doesn’t know exactly what to do, as she tries to regulate her own breathing as a reminder that this is not her nightmare to bear, but she knows she can’t leave Alexis alone.
She rubs her closed fist along Alexis’s sternum just like she learned in the first aid class Schitt’s Creek held for all babysitters a decade ago, as Alexis grasps her wrist with both hands, gasping for air and exhaling the name ‘David’ in a panic.
Twyla frees her left hand long enough to grab Alexis’s phone and swipe towards the first, no wait, second, name in Lex’s speed dial.
Alexis is still grasping Twyla’s wrist and forearm painfully, trying to remember how to breathe, as Twyla tries to press a steady weight on her chest and reassure her with a “Lex. It’s okay. You’re here. You’re here with me.”
Before she even finishes, the speakerphone lets out a sleepy “-xis??” and Lex immediately stills, but doesn't move or speak.
Twyla, over the muffled voice of Patrick asking if everything’s okay, says “David?”
And Twy hears the ruffling of sheets as David seems to straighten up and his voice asks clearly “is Alexis okay??”
Alexis manages a whine, also working to straighten up, with Twyla’s help, as Twy answers “hi David, I think everything is fine, Alexis is okay. - Lex, you’re okay - but she woke up from a nightmare asking for you”
He, based on the reshuffling of sheets and the timber of his voice, seems to relax and says “ Oh. Alexis, are you okay? Everything is okay. Just breathe. Twyla has you. Are you okay?”
And Alexis with her heart racing under Twyla’s palm and her breathing unsteady, is obviously working hard to steady her voice when she says “yeah. Dav-, yeah I’m fine. I’m not sure why she called. I’m okay”
And David, practiced, replies with, “I know you’re okay. You’re okay. Just breathe. Just breathe with me okay. Are you at Twyla’s? Twy is she-?”
And his voice gets high and panicked enough that Twyla cuts in with “yeah, David we’re at my place. We’re okay. Everything is okay.”
She’s reassuring David. And she’s reassuring Alexis. And she’s reassuring herself.
Maybe the tremor in her voice gives something away, because David follows up with “okay. Everything’s okay. Alexis, Twyla has you. She’s okay. You’re okay.”
Alexis’s breaths get steadier, but her grasp on Twyla’s wrist doesn’t let up. She exhales, “I’m okay”. And then slightly stronger says “David, I’m okay.”
They all exhale in relief. And Lex follows up with “David, I’m okay, you can hang up. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” even though her eyes are still panicked.
David cuts her off with “It’s alright, I’m here. I’m right here.”
Twyla doesn’t know what to do, until Alexis’s voice, steady, even though her fingers are making indents on the inside of Twy’s wrist, and her eyes are filling with tears says, “David, we’re okay. I’m fine. I’m sorry we called you. I woke up scared but I’m -” She takes a deep breath. “It’s okay. You can go back to sleep. I’m fine”
He doesn’t acknowledge her, but instead asks, “Twy?” It's the first time he’s ever shortened her name, but they’re all too tired and preoccupied to notice.
She says “yeah, we’re fine. She’s okay. Everything’s okay. But we’ll call you back if we need you, I promise.”
He asks “Alexis?”
She follows up with a distained “ugh. Alright, David!”, and Twyla knows everything is actually going to be fine. She thinks she hears David exhale, completely, for the first time since he answered, and she ends the call with the same carefully sincere “thank you!” she gives when someone overtips.
She tosses the phone aside and rubs her free hand up Alexis’s ribcage as her right hand holds steady just right over her heartbeat.
Alexis is now, almost exaggeratedly, trying to calm herself down, and Twyla begs her to slow as her left hand brushes sweaty curls back from Alexis’s forehead.
Alexis seems embarrassed and apologetic, looking for the right thing to say, when Twyla cuts in with “I was wondering which one of us it was going to be…”
Lex’s eyebrows form a question as her head involuntarily leans into Twyla’s touch.
“I have nightmares. I...It’s been a long time since I shared a bed with someone who wasn't from here. Almost everyone here knows about them. I. Things weren’t always great at home. And I. Sometimes I needed to wake up to save my mom, or put out a fire, or get up and head to Stevie’s house and…”
The tables have turned, just as Twyla was hoping, and Alexis is distractly trying to physically reassure her that she’s okay. That she’s okay with Alexis.
“I used to sleep at Stevie’s. When something bad happened. Or sometimes before something bad happened…Bad things happened at her place too, but never to us. She used to put her hand on my chest like…”
Twyla gently rests her weight behind her palm on Alexis’s sternum, willing her to feel it too.
“Thanks, Twy”
Twyla follows up with “always. You don’t have to thank me. Whatever you need is okay. From me or David...”
Alexis blushes, and moves her hands up and down Twyla’s back as she says “I used to wake up in a lot of new places. It freaked me out sometimes, only when I just woke up, and David would help me remember…He always felt like home…”
She trails off as Twyla holds steady above her on one elbow, still stroking the hair out of her face, and replies “I used to wake up scared, until I woke up someplace new. That’s when I knew I was usually okay. Wherever it was - Stevie's dad’s apartment, or some townie’s basement, or the woods - Stevie was always close, and she’d make sure I knew I wasn’t home. She always felt like the opposite of home…”
“Do you want me to call her? If you ever wake up like this, do you want me to call her?”
Twyla wants to relent, to assure Alexis that she’s all she needs as a reminder that she got out, that she’s someplace new. But she doesn’t want Alexis to feel bad for needing her brother, and she knows she and Stevie both still keep their phones on and close in sleep for this very reason.
“Yeah. That would... Stevie always helps. That’s maybe the only time Stevie helps..” She exhales a laugh and Alexis is laughing right along with her, familiar enough with Twyla’s childhood best friend, and her brother’s current best friend, to get the joke.
“And I’ll call David…”
Alexis starts to protest but Twyla knows her well enough to follow up with “to disturb whatever he and Patrick are doing and the very least,”
And Alexis laughs softly again.
She’s breathing normally now, still more tense than Twyla would prefer, but quickly becoming pliant under the ministrations of her hair.
She looks up at Twyla, hands both clasped tight around Twy’s lower back but eyes bright and focused, and says “I knew it was you. I asked for David out of habit, but before I even caught my breath, I smelled lavender, and knew I was with you. I knew I was okay.”
Twyla smiles and says “I’m glad. All I want is to make you feel safe. But I’ll always call David or anyone else you need to make sure…” and just as Alexis starts to protest, she follows up with “And if I ever wake up, in your arms, to the smell of your fancy daffodil perfume, still disoriented, I know you’ll call Stevie…”
Alexis softly affirms “I will.”
Alexis is looking up at her, almost calm now, and begging to be kissed, but Twyla holds off for one more moment as she affirms, “I know we’ve both spent at least half of our lives waking up afraid, but I promise you Lex, as long as we’re together, I’ll make sure we build a safe home for the both of us”
And Alexis whispers her assent into Twyla’s lips.