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It was a strange thing, watching the love of your life march towards their death. It wasn’t like Shaun hadn’t known it was coming; he had. These last few days had had a sort of melancholy hanging over them. A pretense of doom, if you would. The closer they got to finding the key the more it seemed like loss was inevitable. Like there would be some terrible price to pay for saving the world, because things just never went to plan when it came to them.
And now here they were, Desmond smiling at them as they left the bunker, a resigned sadness in his eyes, and oh, Shaun didn't want to leave him. He wanted more than anything to run back down there and knock him over the head and demand that they just let everything play out because Desmond was worth so much more than this. But he couldn't. Because Desmond had made up his mind and in the end it was his choice.
So they hastily packed up their things and climbed out of the cave and got in the van and all the while Shaun wondered when the grief would set in. Because at the moment he just felt… empty. Dull. Like someone had cut him open and scraped out his insides and placed him right back on his feet.
He was sitting in the back of the van across from Rebecca who was talking with William and he knew he should be listening but he couldn't hear a thing. Couldn't say a word. All he could do was stare down at Desmond’s hoodie in his hands and wonder when he'd feel something. When he'd feel the loss and the fear and the grief. When it would truly hit him that Desmond was dead and gone.
"--aun? Shaun?" He looked up to find Rebecca closer than before, looking supremely worried. "You okay?"
He considered that for a moment. Really thought about it. Was he okay? Desmond had just sacrificed himself for them without a second thought. Was he okay? Shaun only had his hoodie and a few videos to remember him by and soon enough that, too, would lose his essence. Was he okay? He felt nothing at all and he honestly couldn't say if that was better or worse than breaking down crying because at least if he was sobbing he would feel something. Was he okay? No. No, he was not.
"Yeah." Becs sighed. "Me either."
None of them were okay. They were all lost and confused and left with so much loss the world barely seemed worth it anymore. Or at least that’s what Shaun felt. He looked up at Rebecca and found her looking out the windows, tears rolling down her cheeks and a muted sadness in her eyes. He wondered what she was feeling and what she wanted and if she, too, felt this terrible detached apathy.
The world seemed clearer than it had a moment ago. Just a bit. Still dull and blurry but more there. She made it clearer. She was there and she was alive and she too had lost a friend and somehow that made it better. Made the apathy fade a bit and the world come into focus. He still wasn’t all there and he still wondered when the grief would set in but at least now he knew he wasn’t alone. He knew they had each other. And even when the sadness inevitably hit, the fact that she was beside him would still be what kept him from falling too far into despair.
He reached over and grabbed her hand, probably too hard, but she just let out a small, terrible, broken sound and held back. They were alone but at least they had each other. At least they could grieve together.