Chapter Text
"Use this money to rent an apartment. Sorry but there's no room left for you here, Kazutora."
Kazutora stares at the brown envelope that his mother handing him. What steals his attention is not the money inside but rather the woman's hands that look a lot thinner than before—the last time they met. Kazutora thinking about having some small talks; asking her if she could sleep well, eat well, etc. But, a hint of uncomfortable look on her face is stopping Kazutora from doing it.
"Call me if you need extra money," she grabs Kazutora's right hand and handing over the envelope—by force. A bit shocked to feel the cold running from the palm of his hand but then pretends as if she felt nothing. "It's getting dark and the air is getting colder. You better go find an apartment now, Kazutora."
Kazutora nods. His left hand that have been carrying a big black handbag feels numb. Kazutora clearly knows the actual meaning behind that woman's words. A subtle request for Kazutora to leave as quick as possible.
"Honey," a men with hoarse voice appears from behind the wooden gate, distracting the two. His firm and big figure exudes an intimidating aura. The man gives Kazutora a side-eye. Kazutora reflexively turns his head down after having an eye contact with the man’s unfriendly gaze. "How long are you going to stand outside, honey? Our kids are starving. It’s time for dinner.”
She mutters "sorry” as she whispers to her husband, explaining something. She takes a deep breath before reaching for Kazutora, giving him a light pat on his shoulder. “I'll visit you tomorrow. Text me your address later, Kazutora."
A lie! Kazutora know it's just an empty promise.
Without any hesitant, she turns her back on Kazutora and doesn’t even bother to bat an eye on her son as she walks into the house. The sound of the closing wooden gate is making it clear that his presence is not welcome in this house.
Kazutora had expected this to happen and prepared for the worst, but now that he actually experienced it, the pain is quite unbearable. Thinking about how his mom made him stand outside without even trying to put on a nice act by taking him inside to at least let him warm himself up. But, the most painful part has yet to come.
He felt like he was being stabbed in the chest by something invisible when that big guy showed up and casually talked about dinner and kids. Kazutora wanted to yell out—in case his mother forgot that he is also a child who came from her womb. However, Kazutora decided not to make it a big deal. He's now a grown man. Yeah! He just need to suck it up and let the pain filling him in. After all, it isn’t his first time to received such cold treatment from her.
Kazutora observes the two-floor minimalist building standing before him. Everything looks the same as ten years ago, except for the pallet sign on the left side of the wooden gate. Written on it is 'Kawata Family'. As if telling him that this place does not belong to a Hanemiya Kazutora.
"This is no longer my home,” he thought.
No! Kazutora shakes his head, disapproving his own thought.
Kazutora has never had such thing in the first place. Home is where you create a wonderful memory with a family that could warm and comfort you. Meanwhile, what Kazutora had felt when he was there was; fear, a cold treatment, and empty feelings. He doesn’t have a single beautiful memory to recall.
The only memory that stuck in Kazutora's head is the hysterical scream of his mother and a scared look on her face as Kazutora stabbed his father’s stomach with a knife that night. An incident which resulted him to serve for ten years in juvie.
"Get that monster away from me!" was the last thing his mother had said to him.
[ ten years ago ]
Kazutora understood how society perceived someone like him. A murderer. A scumbag. To make it worst, the victim was his own father. Psychopath! Cold-blooded being! Or just as his mother said, a ‘monster’.
Kazutora accepted all the mockery thrown at him. If asked, did he regret his action? Of course. However, if given the chance to go back to the past, Kazutora would choose the same path. It might sound crazy but for him, being labelled as a "murderer” is much better than having to watch his mother cry every night because of the emotional and physical abuse caused by his father. Kazutora willingly sacrificed his precious youth for his mother’s freedom—because Kazutora had decided to be on his mother’s side.
Which was why Kazutora was in a complete mess when he saw his mother’s reaction. Absolutely different from what he had expected. No, Kazutora didn’t expect her to say thank you or show some gratitude. What he needed was just a simple comforting word, for him to be able to shouldered the sin for the rest of his life. Yet, he felt like the world was falling apart when the word ‘monster’ came out of her mouth. It echoed in his ears like a terrifying music in horror movies.
Kazutora had lost his will to live. He spent his days daydreaming in his cell. Imagining his body hanging on the ceiling with his completely-turned-white eyeballs. Unfortunately, there’s no rope that he can use to actualized the act.
Everyday, Kazutora self-destructing himself with negative thoughts. It was impossible for a fifteen-year-old boy to stay sane when faced with such chaos and loneliness. He can’t do it anymore. Kazutora wanted to give up.
Until he received a letter with sky blue envelope. Not a love letter. Written as the sender was ‘Baji Keisuke’. The faded light within Kazutora slowly came back as he read each word on that piece of paper.
To: Hanemiya Kazutora
From: Baji KeisukeI’m not going to start this letter by asking “how are you doing?” because I know very well about your current state. But, I still hope that you are at least ‘good’ enough to read and digest every word that I wrote in this letter, Kazutora.
This is my first time writing a letter so don’t you dare laughing at me for being out of character.
Firstly, sorry for not visiting you yet. I have an extra classes to attend these past few days. You know that, don’t you? How my mom would cry if I get another red score, so I had to study hard to at least reach the passing grade. I even followed Mikey’s advice and wear glasses to boost my intelligence but there seems to be no different.
You know, Kazutora? I spent the whole day writing this letter. Why is your kanji so hard to remember?! I had to rewrite for three times and flipped the dictionary back-and-forth to make sure everything is correct. Luckily, there’s a friend who’s willing to help me.
Here, I presented you the masterpiece of my writing ability. The things I do for you, man.
I wonder what kind of face you make while reading this letter. Whatever it is, I hope the crap I wrote on this paper is enough to put a little laughter in your face.
Kazutora…
Whenever you have some negative thought stuck in your head, just remember me! I’m waiting for you. I will welcome you when you are back.
P.S: I’ll visit you in two weeks!
Sincerely,
Your best friend, BK
As he promised, Baji Keisuke came to visit two weeks after Kazutora received the letter. Baji felt a mix of emotions upon seeing Kazutora’s figure—who looked a lot thinner—in his prison uniform. If it was possible, he wanted to break the glass barrier between them and took Kazutora away from there. But of course, he kept that crazy idea in his head. After all, he came here to make Kazutora feel better, not making it worse.
The two then talked without feeling any awkwardness. Baji dominated the conversation, babbling about his daily routine. Kazutora being a good listener for his best friend and occasionally chimed in. Baji seemed embarrassed when Kazutora mentioned about the letter.
“Thanks, Baji,” Kazutora’s voice a little shaken. Baji felt the genuineness in his tone. A faint smile on Kazutora’s face left Baji in stunned. “The letter and your presence here really cleared my mind.”
“Don’t mention it. I am just making sure that you don’t feel left out, Kazutora,” Baji rubbed his neck—felt awkward at himself for being so straightforward. “I mean, you tend to be reckless when dominated by negative emotions and I don’t want anything bad to happen.”
Baji shutted his lips. A long pause before he continued his sentence. “I’ll make sure that you don’t feel lonely, Kazutora.”
Baji Keisuke promised and he fulfilled it. Once per month, a letter with sky blue envelope came to greet Kazutora. Baji also visited Kazutora personally when he had free time. He never missed out on the monthly routine.
Days, weeks, months, and years had passed. Kazutora was able to stay sane through his days in the juvenile detention center thanks to Baji’s existence. The psychological rehabilitation also showed a significant result. Kazutora had became more calm and emotionally controlled. Only one year left until his released. Kazutora was filled with joy, imagining all the fun things he could do with Baji later.
However, all his hopes went to dust when Baji suddenly mentioned about working in Singapore. Kazutora didn’t know exactly where it is. He assumed that it must be a country that is very far from Japan, which mean he won’t be able to see Baji. Just as he thought. Baji —with a guilty tone—explained that this was his last visit. He will be leaving the day after tomorrow. For how long he can’t be sure.
This time, Baji Keisuke promised nothing.
Kazutora wanted him to stay, but he did understand that Baji also had his own life. He can’t be selfish by showing his actual feelings, and so Kazutora smiled. Wishing the best for Baji to succeeded.
“I know you will be fine, Kazutora.”
Ever since then, Kazutora had never received letter anymore.
"Meow~"
Kazutora who have been zoning out for a whole hour, startles when a cat suddenly circling around his legs. Its fur is white with three black spots on its body. Its long black tail stands straight. Signaling interest in Kazutora—or to be precise for the taiyaki in Kazutora's hand.
"Oh, are you hungry?"
Can’t help but feeling pitiful upon seeing its begging-eyes, Kazutora gives the taiyaki—he have eaten half—to the little furry. The corner of his mouth slightly turns upwards as he watch the cat eats. An unexplainable warm feeling fills his heart.
"Those cats are such edacious eater, it feels nice seeing them eating."
Kazutora did remember, Baji once told him about his habit of feeding the stray cats and how he saved up his pocket money to buy canned food for those cats. But, he didn’t feel any burdened and instead looked genuinely happy.
"The world would be much better if everyone were as nice as him. You won’t be starving like this," Kazutora squats down to reach the cat. Gently pats it and pauses for a while. "What about you come with me, Neko-san?"
"Meow~"
Kazutora carefully lifts the cat's body and put it in his arm. It shows no rejection. After making sure the cat feels comfortable, Kazutora lifts his bag off the ground and continues on walking—to find an apartment.
After he visited his mother and destroyed all of his hopes. Kazutora spent two hours contemplating. Sitting on the playground swings nearby. Lost in thought, until the white cat appeared and woke him with its cute meow.
"Don't worry. You won’t have the same fate as me, Neko-san."
Kazutora tightens his embrace on the cat as the night wind blows. The chill is strong enough to make Kazutora grits his teeth—considering that it’s already autumn. Moreover, Kazutora only wears a thin shirt and pants. A cold sensation strikes him.
"Has the world always been this cold?" Kazutora mumbles—directing question to none. There are only him, the cat, and the moon. Along with the silent night that accompanies his ‘no destination’ journey.
Kazutora at a loss. Where should he go? Should he look for the nearest apartment? But his mother wouldn't be happy if she find out that Kazutora is around. Even though she said she would visit him. Kazutora is sure that it won’t happen. As a proof, during his ten years in prison, his mother only visited him twice—to tell him about her second marriage and when she was pregnant with her twin sons.
Kazutora has no reason to wait for her.
Kazutora keeps walking forward. Dissolves in confusion. Until a loud sound of a horn rings in his ears, bringing him back to his conscious. The cat, which has closed its eyes for a while—enjoying the warmth of Kazutora's arm—is frightened by the sound. "What kind of idiot honks on a deserted street like this?"
Kazutora glances back. He squints his eyes due to flash from the motorcycle headlight. He couldn’t see the driver's face properly because of it.
And then, Kazutora freeze when he notices the familiar sound of that bike.
His eyes dilates in hope.
Kazutora is tired of expecting a miracle but let him have his last wish. Even if he have to trade all the luck in his life to make this wish come true, he will do that.
“God, please!”
A Suzuki GSX250E bike stops by his side. Kazutora obviously remember it. A long time ago, he used to sit in the back seat, going around Tokyo at night with the owner of the motorbike.
“Yo! Kazutora,” a distinct and familiar baritone voice. Long black hair. Eyes and firm eyebrows adding the masculine vibe on his face. Next is what Kazutora liked the most, the two small fangs that compliments his friendly smile. Yes, that’s him.
God does listen to his wish.
“Baji…” Kazutora mutters with a very low voice— barely audible. The one being called just flashes a smile. “Yes, it’s me."
"Baji Keisuke.”
Every heavy and exhausting breath Kazutora took and let out before, feels so light now. It’s as if the invisible weight on Kazutora’s shoulders has vanished by half. The longing that have been so suffocating for the past year disappears in an instant.
“I called you several times but it seems like your phone is inactive,” Baji whines in frustration. “So I stopped by your mom’s home but she said that you already left.”
Kazutora simply nods. Too lazy to explain the whole story. Besides, it seems like Baji understand about his situation—judging from the empathetic look on his face.
“I thought you were still in Singapore,” Kazutora shifts the subject.
“I came back to Japan a week ago,” Baji explains. A long pause before he continues his words. “I promised someone that I’d welcome him when he is back, thus here I am.”
That was the promise Baji wrote in his first letter. A very long time ago. Even if Baji unable to keep it, Kazutora won’t make a fuss over it. He wouldn’t be angry just because of one or two broken promises. But, that’s what Baji is like. A man who always keeps his word. One of a thousand reasons why Baji became a person whom Kazutora treasures so much.
“A new friend?” Baji points at the white cat that stays still in Kazutora’s arms. Kazutora nods in response. “I couldn’t bear seeing it wandering around in this cold weather, so I am taking it with me.”
Baji strokes the cat’s head several times. Allowing the little furry to sniff his hand as an introduction. The cat shows no aggression but not letting its guard down either.
Kazutora's pale-looking fingers draws Baji’s attention. Instantly activates his protective instinct.
“Wear this,” Baji takes off his white jacket and slings it over Kazutora's shoulder. Then, carefully lifts the cat from Kazutora's arms, so that he could move freely to put on the jacket.
“Come with me, Kazutora!” Baji says—which rather sounds like an order. Baji handing Kazutora the helmet that have been hanging on the left handlebar of his bike. He puts Kazutora’s bag on the front, returning the cat back into Kazutora’s arms as soon as he finished putting on the jacket.
“Where are we going?”
Baji’s not answering. He just wears a big smile on his face, signaling Kazutora to quickly put on the helmet and get on the bike. Kazutora obeys—along with the cat in his arms. Baji restarts his bike’s engine.
Then, what Baji says afterward has succesfully brings Kazutora in tears.
“To our home.”