Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The days were a routine. I would wake up early for work, usually trapped under George’s arm, which would tighten around me at the sound of his blaring alarm. I would sigh every time, sliding a hand over his arm and up into his hair, relishing in the way George hummed and leant into it. 

I would shut my eyes once more and stroke his hair, soft even after sleep, and he would nuzzle even closer into the crook of my neck. 

“Georgie,” I crooned, smoothing George’s curls away from his forehead so I could press a kiss onto it. “I’ve got to get up now.”

George was nowhere near conscious enough to form words so he simply whined, not quite kissing, but more nudging his lips against the patch of skin beneath them. Darkness was over us, the sun not even awake at this time. 

I liked that. Well, not waking up so early and having to leave George to get up our five-year-old daughter and take her to school, but morning cuddles like these. I wanted to pull George on top of me and wind my arms around his body, burrowing into him.

But unfortunately, I wasn’t that lucky and had to get on a train at seven in the morning. 

Reluctantly, I unhooked George’s arm, obviously pecking at the back of his hand before tucking it into his chest and dragging the duvet back over George, up to his nose. 

Then I would shower, warm water necessary in coaxing my eyes open since I wasn’t even sure how many hours of sleep I was running on at this point. Drops trickled down my skin and I didn’t want to leave the comfort of my house; venture into the abyss of crisp cold England air. It made me shiver.

As I always did, I would tug on the stiffness of my suit, strangle myself with my tie, and sling my satchel over my shoulder. I drew out the block of sticky notes I had and a pen. That morning I’d zoned out in the shower so I was certainly cutting it fine, but I still scribbled out a note for Ellie and stuck it to her bedside table.

Good morning, darling :)

I’ll be back later, I love you

Be good for Gogy, especially if he’s tired

And at school, I hope you have a good day

• Daddy xxx

I gave her a light kiss on the cheek so as to not make her stir from under the tumble of hair that sleep knotted. George was going to have to brush them out, and for that, I felt bad also.

Realising my phone was still on my bedside table, I would rush back to our bedroom to grab it, kissing George’s cheek also, which did make him stir. 

“I’m going now. Love you,” I whispered to him, my face so close to his that I could feel the heat radiating from it. 

“Love you too,” George would mumble, a flicker of a smile on his lips before he slipped back into unconsciousness.

“Okay,” I would sigh, leaning off of the mattress and starting for downstairs. I’d make myself a coffee when I got to the office. 

There was a certain peace to the world at this time. Echoing in the distance would be tweeting birds, now a soft glow of the beginnings of sunlight waking them up. But no cars polluted the road, no children chatted on their way to school - everything was asleep. 

But then I would disrupt the silence, cutting through it with the low rumble of my car engine, and began driving to the train station where I would commute to London.

-

My work wasn’t that boring. Sometimes repetitive, but technology was always advancing and no two coding projects were the same. It was still sitting in front of a computer screen for nine hours a day.

I would sit there tapping away at those overly clicky keyboards, lines of green appearing in front of me that I somehow understood. 

I wasn’t too much of a talkative person, usually sitting alone at lunch, scrolling through Twitter as I ate an overpriced staff room sandwich. 

By the time it reached six o’clock, I would be done and the sun would be setting. My satchel would return to my shoulder and I would trek down the path to the Underground station I needed to take me to Waterloo.

I willed the trains faster, to somehow have fewer turns that slowed them down a minuscule amount so that maybe I’d magically get home by half six, even though I was fairly certain it had already well past that.

That obviously didn’t happen, the train only seeming to take longer, whether that be because the driver happened to be a slower one, or because other trains got in the way. I drummed my fingertips impatiently again my thigh, making sure to text George to let him know that I was on my way.

I’d sigh as I sighed very often these days. Eventually, my legs would carry me to my car, the route drilled into me so much by now that it was autopilot.

I would flop onto the seat, somehow exhausted after sitting down for so long and forcing my mind to get focused enough for the drive back. The last stage and obstacle between me and my family.

Luckily for me, I’d managed to skip rush hour, so there were only drips of cars left on the road, not enough left to form traffic. It seemed like every time I looked at the time, the minutes had sped up. I wasn’t going to be any later home than usual, but Ellie would probably be going to bed as soon as I got home. Five nights a week.

The wave of relief that overtook me when I turned the key in the hole and the door cracked open was bliss. Even though the warmth of home clouded my glasses as it suddenly hit me, it was just another familiar thing. 

At the sound of the door opening, it was only a few seconds before the high child’s voice of Ellie shouted through the house excitedly as she ran to the front door. “Daddy!” dragging it out until she’d launched onto me. I hadn’t even shut the door yet.

My heart swelled as her arms wrapped around my legs and she jumped around a bit, all smiles as she looked up at me.

“Hi, sweetie,” I said softly, smiling back as I kneeled down and hugged her into me. I felt small hands tugging my neck further down and a squishy cheek on my shoulder. One of my hands tucked some of her dampened hair behind her shoulder. “Your hair’s still wet.”

“Yeah, I had a bath,” she chirped, pulling away to poke me in the face. It wasn’t hard but whatever expression that showed whatever reaction I had made was amazingly funny because she giggled and did it again, making a ‘boop’ sound. The giggling that proceeded was hysterical but I was just smirking at how that seemed to amuse her.

“Ok, I think it’s time for bed for you,” I said, standing and lifting her up with me, the sudden lack of floor causing her to cling to me like a koala. Suddenly turning my attention to the hallway, where George was sliding his feet with ease because of socks against the wooden floor, his hands in his jogger pockets.

“Hi, Gogy,” I said, making my way over to him after actually shutting the door. Ellie craned her neck and waved her little starfish hands.

“Hi,” he replied, sighing. He had bags under his eyes that I hadn’t noticed that morning. “I can do bedtime if you’re too tired.”

I shook my head dismissively, Ellie having snuggled under my chin. “Nope, I’ve got it,” I told him, pecking him on the cheek. I was so very aware that George had been getting her up for school, taking her to school, going to his part-time job, picking her up, making dinner and apparently also giving her a bath. Plus, I missed our daughter.

He shot me a grateful look before disappearing off to the kitchen and I did so upstairs.

“Did you brush your teeth?” I asked when we reached the bathroom. She nodded and I raised an eyebrow. “Did you? I can go and ask Gogy.”

She flushed and shook her head, burying it into me. I shook my head and sighed (again), the door handle creaking a little as I pushed it open.

-

I had her on my lap as I supervised the teeth-brushing process. We had mostly transitioned from us doing it for her to watching her do it herself, not biting the toothbrush anymore and only missing a few bits that I did make sure were done myself.

Soon, I was tucking her in, leaving her many cheek kisses and reassuring her that even if she wouldn’t see me the next morning, then I’d be back to see her go to sleep.

Then, I’d go back downstairs, have dinner with George who’d always wait for me, and we’d talk about our days, the news, whatever. Eventually, we’d go to bed. I often dreaded going to sleep because it meant I’d have to wake up and do it all again. We were both tired a lot of the time now.

We’d always fall asleep entwined, and we needed it. In university, we’d spend all day studying and going to lectures together, the nights parting and then sleeping together or sleeping together. Now we had this and the weekends. 

The feeling of lying down was one like no other and with the warmth of George half on top of me, I could relax. George was kept close to me all night, hair tickling like it always did. 

Before I knew it, my alarm was blaring.

-

And that was how it went, day in, day out.

However, gradually, the company I worked for started to accept more projects. They didn’t hire any more people, but suddenly business was booming. But that meant I also had deadlines. A lot of them, too.

At first, it wasn’t too bad. Usually, I’d get given projects that had deadlines further into the future than the last so I could keep myself somewhat organised.

It didn’t last. If it took me a week for one project and the deadline was in a week, the project was given to me the next day, also for a week’s time, would somehow have to be juggled because there was no way I could do it in a single day.

So, for me, the days were longer. I started working through my lunch break, first. I told myself this was a wave and soon we’d go back to being a generic developing company, not one with that popularity. 

But, that, I realised after missing three deadlines which resulted in a review meeting, that I would need to do more. I got paid per project, not hour, which was not so great when we weren’t that busy, but now it meant any overtime I did was technically paid for.

So then I started pulling out my laptop on the train and typing away at the flatter keys. A few times I almost missed my stop, thankfully didn’t, but almost.

As soon as I got home, though, it was not working time. The laptop stayed in my bag, not being touched until the second I got back on that train the next morning. I promised myself not to bring it home. That was our time. 

It was a release from the building stress of work, to see George and my daughter, hug and kiss them both and make sure they knew how much I loved them, even if I seemed tired a lot of the time. George didn’t really need that reassurance though, he already knew.

-

I couldn’t understand why my work felt they had to keep accepting- okay, I knew it was because of money and reputation, but surely it wasn’t that difficult to find a few more developers in London? 

It was getting to the point where I would be getting the train several hours earlier so I could fit in some more work when I got there. George was so deep in sleep that he wouldn’t even stir when I left and I missed the early-morning cuddles. Always, though, I made sure I’d written a note for Ellie.

I had bags under my eyes. They were pouches, stuffed with something and underneath lay splotches of jade, my eyes never fully open. It was as if I was a zombie - never standing up straight, my responses to things slow.

A priority was to still have that sliver of time at the end of the day where I could tuck in my daughter, once again strapping on the mask of trying to sound excitable. She had a favourite stuffed animal, a panda, and I would snuffle it against her neck while she giggled, saying it was eating her.

“He’s not eating me, I’m not bamboo!” she’d protest, trapping my arm also when she hugged the panda.

“You might be bamboo.”

Sincerely and quiet, “Really?” 

I smiled. “No,” and leaned down to give her a kiss goodnight on the forehead. She’d smile back but not let go until I gave her another hug. Sometimes, I’d be by the door, turning the light off when she’d ask for just one more.

Then bed. I was so exhausted that I’d usually skip dinner and just sleep, sometimes feeling when George would crawl in next to me, vaguely sensing him take a moment to look, sigh and then cuddle my side as he went to sleep.

-

“Are you at least being paid for all this overtime you’re doing?” George said one Saturday when I was just finishing a few small bits and pieces up. He didn’t really mention it, even though he clearly had noticed. I figured he didn’t want to make me feel bad or worse than I already did.

“Yeah,” I replied, only flicking my eyes up briefly to him. He tilted his head to the side in concern and wandered over to me from where he was wiping up some drips of milk from the tea he was making.

When he wrapped his arms around me from behind my chair and kissed my cheek, I couldn’t help but turn my attention to him. I’d managed to just finish the last bit of code so I shut the lid down of my laptop and brought my other hand up to lace my fingers through his hair. 

“Would you want to maybe come in the other room with us now?” George asked in an even tone, right into my skin. I nodded, bringing him onto my lap to kiss him properly.

“Of course I want to. I want to spend all of my free time with both of you and that is the whole and honest truth,” I told him sincerely. It was true. I wasn’t just saying things. Resentment for the current situation lived in me and I was just waiting for it to die down again. Go back to when I had the whole weekend free and wasn’t just only half paying attention to what was going on around me due to the exhaustion.

“I know,” George said, stroking my cheeks lightly.

-

I had a headache blistering through my mind constantly. Because I usually waited fifteen minutes for the train when I got there, I decided to stay maybe ten more at work. Generally, I’d made it a rule that I wouldn’t stay late at work. I refused to go an entire day without seeing Ellie because she didn’t deserve to think she wasn’t important to me. 

This day, I’d woken up before three in the morning, typing lines of emerald from my laptop first because the trains didn’t run as often that early. I was simultaneously working on six projects, two of which I had to complete by tomorrow... et cetera. 

It had been a long day of barely knowing how I’d got to different places and downing espresso every few hours. I was pretty sure my hair was a mess, though no idea how it’d gotten like that. Maybe still from sleep, but who’s to say at this point?

It was all just a jumble of fragments from the day.

To make things better, it was absolutely shitting it down with rain, the sky charcoal black and the streets jammed with cars. 

My brain wasn’t working properly. I hadn’t taken into account that I still had to get the tube before my train to my car so as I waited, a couple of minutes longer than normal, I groaned to myself. 

Whenever the weather was like this, it seemed like everyone in London was waiting on the platform, even more flooding the actual train when it arrived. The brakes screeching echoed along the tunnel, making me feel as if my brain was vibrating. 

Barely anyone was getting off but everyone was getting on so I took the decision for my own sanity to wait for the next one. I was going to miss the overground train. Luckily, with the platform much more empty, I felt like I could breathe. 

Regretfully, I pulled out my phone to text George and say I might be home later. A drop of water landed from my sopping hair onto the screen. I realised I was also cold and that made everything infinitely worse.

Eventually, I boarded the tube train. It whistled its way to Waterloo where I had, in fact, missed my train. The waiting for the next one began and I was getting impatient, leg bouncing from where I sat, staring at the timetable. 

I was hyper-aware of each minute that ticked by, pushing the time later and later. Of course, soon my train popped up, long before it would actually go, but it wasn’t even the fast one I’d usually get. This one had a whole slew of stops before mine.

I just trudged towards it, found a seat and took it, feeling like death itself. My forehead pulsed and my eyes barely stayed open. It was frankly a wonder how, with the way my day was going, that I didn’t fall asleep and miss my stop. That would’ve been the cherry on the goddamn cake.

Each step of the way home seemed to drag. My heart sank when I looked at my watch as I actually got there.

It was so late. It was still raining. It was the worst.

When I cracked open the door, there was no clamour of small hands and a small voice calling my name. I bit my lip as I thought about the fact that I’d missed her. The door closed behind me and I rubbed my feet against the floor with barely enough force to be worthwhile.

“Hi,” George called from the kitchen. I trailed in there, wanting to see him but dreading how disappointed he must’ve been in me. 

At the sight of him with his hoodie sleeves pushed up to his elbows and hands scrubbing at a tray, along with everything else, it was too overwhelming. I couldn’t handle the heavy feeling of my eyelids, the throb of my brain, the discomfort of being soaked to the skin and shivering, and now the realisation of how I was letting everyone down around me.

In short, I finally broke down in helpless tears. My hands flew to my face as I sobbed, unable to stop the flow of water from my eyes, heels of my palms digging into my eyes.

I felt warm arms encircling me and my still covered face being buried into a neck. Hands left soft touches in my hair and over my back as his cheek tried to stroke my face wherever it could (which happened to be my ear).

“Sh, baby. It’s all ok,” he whispered, rocking gently.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m just- I can’t- I’m sorry, George,” I cried, no longer trying to cover my face, but my arms still trapped between us. I slid them out and around him, snivelling. “Now I’m getting you all wet.”

“It’s fine, I get it,” George replied calmly, tracing his fingertips up and down my spine soothingly.

“It’s not fine. It’s not. I didn’t- I didn’t say goodnight to her, George,” I said between gasps for air. “The one thing I was terrified of being- that guy who prioritises work over- over family and now…”

George did say anything for a moment. He simply held me, patting softly as I spilled to him. 

“And I’m tired and I have a headache and I have to get up in a few hours and- and-” I wasn’t even sure how I was going to finish that sentence but George cut me off by shushing me. 

“Dreamie,” he murmured, “you need to breathe. And calm down, okay?” All gentle and kind.

I nodded as I choked a bit on air, attempting to do as he’d said. I was gripping him as much as possible, definitely soaking his front.

“How about we go upstairs and have a bath or something?” George suggested, pulling away a bit so he could try to see my face better. He cupped it on one of his hands, thumbing at the wetness with a hoodie cuff. I nodded again, sighing and leaning into his hand.

“Georgie,” I mumbled, offering a faint smile. George raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘yes?’. I didn’t answer, just simply smoothed my hand on top of his and kissed his palm, almost shyly. Rosy lips drew from a concerned pout to a soft smile. I suddenly furrowed my brows. “I’m still in my coat and shoes and stuff.”

George rolled his eyes at me before wrapping his arm around my neck to hug me again. “Dreamie, don’t worry too much about this, okay? You missed the train, don’t beat yourself up.”

I hummed, knowing I probably would but paying more attention to the fact he’d dropped down and started untying my laces. Stiff leather fell away and while I had the usual objections ready of “I’m a grown man, I can do it myself,” I also was far too drained to complain.

Because I felt weird just waiting for him, I shrugged off my (luckily waterproof) satchel onto the table and my jacket onto the back of a chair. Shedding some of the physical weight helped me believe some of it that clawed at my brain as it squeezed it had also gone.

I shuffled out of my shoes and George went all the way up on his toes to peck at my lips before taking hold of my arm and padding me through the house and to the stairs. I trailed after him, hanging my head a little, be it with shame, embarrassment or lack of ability to hold it up anymore.

-

Pink bloomed across my chest as we sat, surrounded by the warm soapy water, George on my lap and taking care with washing my hair as meticulously as one might paint a portrait.

“Are you feeling any better?” he whispered, kissing me gently on the cheek. I lolled my head on his shoulder, the clutches of sleep very nearly pulling me over the edge.

“Mmm, I’m gonna fall asleep. Don't let me drown,” I murmured, making him giggle a bit, but the hand on my back was tense with seriousness.

“I won’t. But tomorrow and Friday you’re calling in sick,” he declared, reaching for the shower head behind me. Now I was tense.

“No, I have so much-”

“Nope, I want you to take some days to get proper sleep and not think about work. And then on Monday, you’re going to have your own review meeting with those bitch ass managers of yours to discuss the amount of work you have because this is not healthy,” he said sternly, turning on the showerhead at the end, knowing it would prevent my protests. 

Slings of water grabbed at my locks, soaking the suds like seafoam out of them and I kept my face pressed into him, one hand draped around his waist. I was hardly in the mood to argue back so I just accepted it with a sigh. Though I couldn’t deny how the idea of not having to get up for four days made the stress almost evaporate completely. 

“I’m not even sick,” I said weakly so he shook his head.

“Tell that to the almost-dead Dream that’s been slugging his way around the place for the past month,” George said. “Look, I’ll take Ellie to school, go to work like normal and then later maybe we could both go to pick her up together. She’d like that. And we could all just hang out together and eat together and you don’t need to worry about anything.” He sounded so excited that I couldn’t just force myself into work the next day. Now that the idea had weaved through my brain, I couldn’t put myself through that. 

“I’m struggling to keep my eyes open,” was all I said, though I was fairly certain George knew that was a yes. George chuckled, fingers still running through my hair as though he was still washing it.

“Let’s get out of here then and go to bed. And turn off those bloody alarms,” George said while he drew tingling hearts on my back with his fingertip.

After a time of slow embracing, slow movements to get towels, to empty the tub, we eventually made it to our bedroom. My pyjamas seemed softer this night than they had any other night, and I melted into the mattress, practically a puddle by the time George slid in next to me and reached for my phone. He took my hand so he could unlock it with my thumb, leaning on my chest while he fiddled with it.

“There,” he said eventually with a satisfied look. “Alarms are off.” He placed the phone back on my bedside table, now reaching for my glasses that were still perched on my nose and folding them up neatly. 

“Oh, yeah,” I breathed, my eyes shutting as I felt George sinking on top of me, clutching around and rubbing his face against me.

“I love you,” he muttered as I lazed my arm over his back. “Maybe, in these days, I’ll give you a blow job to cheer you up a bit,” in the same tone. I snorted.

“You don’t have to do that,” I smiled and felt the jutting of George’s body as he giggled.

“Nah, I missed your cock, I’ll take it in any form I can get it,” he said, pecking at my neck.

“How wholesome, you desperate whore,” I said dryly and drawing another giggle out of him as he nuzzled me. “I love you, too.”

And it did not take long before I was asleep. Maybe it took George longer but I was certainly unconscious, the relief almost too great for me to handle.

-

“Gogy,” a little voice called, getting closer. I was in that stage of only partially being awake, blurred sight and muffled sounds all around. “Daddy didn’t leave me a note on the-“ she entered the room and stopped when she saw two mounds under the covers instead of one. 

Our blinds hadn’t been closed all of the way last night and so strips of gold doused the room in the most ethereal way.

I forced my eyes open to see her head bobbing as she ran around the bed to my side cheering “Daddy!”

“Yes and he’s only just woken up so let’s be a bit quieter,” George said as he dipped his hands over me and hauled her up to where she scrambled to hug me.

“Okay. Sorry, Gogy,” she whispered, right next to my ear. I brought both of my arms up and around her small body, shutting my eyes again as I did.

“Good morning,” I said, stroking over her hair, and although pathetic, feeling tears start to prick at my eyes. I blamed it on still being tired.

“Morning, Daddy. I missed you last night. I was trying to get Gogy to let me stay up until you got back but he wouldn’t let me,” she said, pulling away to poke my face probably but saw the water dribbling down my temples. It was not ideal. Her face dropped to concern.

“What’s wrong? Did you get hurt? Is that why you weren’t here?” She asked, her lips down-turning into a pout as she attempted to pet my hair comfortingly.

“No, he didn’t get hurt, just those silly trains being late,” George said, smiling at me and dabbing at the tears. “He’s just happier now.” I nodded, smiling also and bringing up one of my forearms to wipe my eyes properly. 

“I’m fine, and I’m sorry I wasn’t here to tuck you in last night,” I said as she started huddling under the duvet now, hugging around my chest from atop it, her arms barely reaching over that much of it.

“It’s okay. I still love you,” she said matter-of-factly so George choked on an amused scoff and scooted up next to us, his hand resting on my shoulder.

“Do you think it’s time to start getting ready for school?” He asked slowly, Ellie groaning and butting her head against me. “I think it is.”

“No, I want to stay here,” she complained so I patted her back encouragingly.

“She wants to stay here, Gogy,” I shrugged, wiggling my eyebrows. George frowned and lightly backhanded my shoulder. To Ellie, “I’ll tell you what, if you go and get ready for school now without a fuss, then I might still be here when you get back later.” I was planning on going today to pick her up with George anyway, but I wanted that much to be a surprise.

“Okay,” she said warily, disbelief evident in her furrowed brows.

“I promise,” I said, holding my hands up innocently. It was an intense negotiation.

“Okay,” she repeated with more certainty, so I squeezed her against me and kissed her cheek while she giggled.

“I love you,” I murmured and she only giggled more, breaking free from my grip to squish my cheeks affectionately in some effort of reciprocation. My heart was certainly swelling.

She whispered a quick “goodbye,” and scampered off to her bedroom to change, both George and I smiling after her.

“I’ll bring you your breakfast once I’ve made it,” George said, giving me a short but slow smooch on the lips before he heaved himself up from the bed with an escaped noise of some kind (maybe of a wild animal). 

“Thank you, George,” I said in the most sincere voice I could muster. 

He blushed and then more when I stared, almost unblinkingly, at him while he changed, shaking his head and then tottering off when he was done. 

I breathed a breath of air, all of my muscles able to relax and the pulse of my brain dissipated.