Chapter Text
“I just don’t get why we still come to these parties if you can’t stand him.” Ningguang halted in front of the impressively large doorway of the familiar residence to face a struggling Beidou who was just about carrying their mass of gifts for their god child. “What do you mean?”
Beidou peeked her head out from the side of the boxes to give her wife an expression that said “You know what I mean.”
“If you’re referring to Tartaglia I told you I pay no mind to that imbecile anymore. Zhongli’s an old family friend and we’ve practically known each other since birth so no off-brand Ed Sheeran will stop me from visiting him.”
“Okay but the fact you called him both ‘Tartaglia’ and ‘off-brand Ed Sheeran’ in one sentence shows that you still hate his guts.”
Ningguang let out a rather demonising laugh before perching her Dior sunglasses on top of her perfect platinum blonde hair. “Of course I still hate his guts, I’m just too classy show it.”
And with that, the CEO turned back to the front door and firmly pressed her finger on the bell. Beidou nodded slowly as she thought that was the only correct response to her wife’s sweet remark about their “friend” but Ningguang, sensing the younger’s discomfort at her slander of Childe, hastily stole a kiss from her before anyone opened the front door. The Crux boat club owner quickly retreated her head behind the stack of boxes to hide the unwanted blush forming on her face, even years into her marriage with the powerful business woman she still swooned around her as if it were the beginning of their romance. “Ah, Ningguang, it’s lovely to see you.”
Zhongli and Ningguang shared a smile and a hug before Zhongli shifted himself to look behind her. “And it’s lovely to see you also Beidou. Although it would be nice to actually have you in my sights so I’ll have the servants take those generous gifts and put them with the others. Please, come in.”
As a worker hastily took the boxes off of Beidou, Zhongli stepped aside and gestured for the couple to enter his home. Before he could get to calling his children, Ganyu already had her sights set on the familiar guests. “Auntie Ningguang, Auntie Beidou!”
The teen engulfed her aunts in the loving hug she always gave them no matter how long it had been since she’d seen them. Ningguang patted the blue haired girl’s back while Beidou ruffled her hair and beamed “Good to see you again kid.“
Before anyone could utter another word, they all watched as a flaming skateboard whizzed right past them and on top of that skateboard was none other than Ganyu’s mischievous younger sister. Zhongli sighed as his husband came running from behind her. “Tao! Hu Tao! Get off that skateboard before you hurt yourself!”
The ginger man leant over, gaining his breath back before he looked up to see his newly arrived guests. “Oh, Beidou hey! And Ningguang…”
“Tartaglia.” Ningguang saltily replied as Zhongli and Beidou shared a knowing look, indicating that that was going to be the best greeting they could get out of their spouses. Zhongli cleared his throat before signalling for the couple to follow him into his colossal back yard. “Come, I’m sure the rest of our guests will be delighted to see you two.”
Beidou had visited Zhongli and Childe’s multi-million dollar mansion many times before but the residence never ceased to amaze her. It was no surprise that Zhongli was able to afford the impressive home as he was the owner of the famed hotel franchise, Liyue Plaza Hotels. But what took everyone by surprise was when he announced his engagement to the ex criminal, Tartaglia, or rather Childe as he chose to go by after the end of his criminal days. The news more or less blew over after a month of the couple being married but Ningguang upheld her grudge as she knew the truth behind their “meet-cute”. Childe was the Fatui Crime Syndicate’s best con artist, until he really fell for the business man and won over his heart. However, after years of unease between Childe and Ningguang the two never really did settle their differences, and well… neither of them truly had any intention to.
Much to Beidou, Ningguang, and pretty much anyone over the age of 10’s annoyance, the kids bop version of top charting songs (courtesy of Childe) blasted throughout the yard as adults socialised on one end, and small children were occupied with various attractions on the other. The garden was decked out in purple and blue decorations as giant ballons at the back spelled out “Happy Birthday Qiq”. It did originally spell out the youngest daughter of Zhongli and Childe’s full name, but alas where there is Hu Tao, there is always destruction to follow. In other words, Hu Tao threw a piping hot BBQ skewer straight into the last ‘I’ and caused it to burst into flames.
“Qiqi, dear. Your favourite aunties are here.” Zhongli called to his daughter who was nearby, watching all the other children happily play from afar. The little girl turned around, her mouth forming an ‘O’ as she toddled over to the familiar couple. Qiqi suffered from extreme memory loss so it was a blessing to her god parents that they were one of the only people the poor child could actually remember. She stopped in front of the couple and gave them the best greeting she could muster. “Hello.”
Remembering the social convention of hugging your loved ones, which Childe taught her, Qiqi held her arms wide open for the women to embrace her. Ningguang knelt down and gave her a haste but comforting hug as she wished the child happy birthday but Beidou being Beidou couldn’t help herself. She swooped up the unsuspecting girl in a tight hug as she spun her around, practically shouting happy birthday to her. By the time Qiqi had met the ground again, she was frazzled by the greeting and went straight into Zhongli’s arms to be held. “Haha, sorry about that. You know how Qiqi is, always tired aren’t you my darling?”
The estranged girl nodded before resting her head on her father’s shoulder. “Speaking of children, how comes Kazuha didn’t come with you today? I’m sure Xiao would have loved the company.”
Zhongli’s eldest child, Xiao, wouldn’t have liked anyone’s company to be quite honest, but having Kazuha to mope around with always did seem to make him less dreading of these family events. Beidou laughed awkwardly at the older man’s question while Ningguang shot a look at her wife. “Yes Beidou? Where is Kazuha?”
“Haha, well… funny story actually…” Beidou sputtered as she could feel Ningguang’s pressurising gaze on her. “He wanted to take some self defence classes ever since we moved further away from the academy and our new area’s pretty out in the sticks, so naturally I offered to teach him. Everyone knows I practically grew up fighting so it was only logical of course. But I guess I thought he’d be a bit stronger…”
“Well, you guessed wrong darling.” Ningguang said with the most patronisingly fake smile on her face. “She ended up breaking his leg so now he’s sitting in a cast at home.”
“Oh come on Ning! How was I supposed to know that his bones were that fragile…” Beidou said sheepishly as Zhongli merely laughed at the story. “It’s perfectly fine Beidou, we all have our moments in parenthood where we doubt ourselves. My biggest one may be right now because I could have sworn I just saw Hu Tao heading towards the bouncy castle with a kitchen knife. Please excuse me.”
Childe watched from behind as Zhongli left with Qiqi to sort out the mess his most troublesome child was causing. He saw this as an opening to finally go talk to Beidou and Ningguang, well mainly talking to Beidou and taunting Ningguang. “Ladies, can I offer you a glass of wine?”
“Ooo, you know I’d never say no to alcohol.” Beidou beamed as she happily took the glass of red wine from Childe who let out a small laugh in response and placed his newly freed hand on the Captain’s shoulder. “Well Beidou, I guess I just know you too well by now.”
Ningguang’s gaze burned through Childe as she looked at his hand and then at the stupid smirk on his even stupider face. She knew he had no romantic interest in her wife whatsoever but that only made the situation more annoying because he was simply toying with Ningguang’s patience. Clearing her throat, she looped her arm through Beidou’s before subtly pulling her away from her unofficial nemesis. Childe’s smug look was now cemented on his face as he knew he’d gotten to the woman, so for now he’d take that as a win. “Come, we saved a table over here just for the four of us.”
Childe led the couple to a more private table for him, his husband, and their esteemed close friends to chat and catch up with each other. Although there was less catching up and more Ningguang and Childe consistently taking shoddy jabs at each other.
“Beidou you look as radiant as ever today and Ningguang you look… well, you look.”
“Oh Childe I know you’re not talking with that bald spot shining through.”
“Well Ningguang, better a bald head then an empty one am I right?”
“Childe, I must ask, what is it like being the poster child for birth control?”
“Oh Ningguang you must be so uncomfortable sitting there with that stick up your ass.”
“And Childe, your ass must be jealous of all that shit coming out of your mouth.”
Zhongli almost choked on his drink and Beidou simply facepalmed as the duo’s insults were getting even worse by the second and they’d just about had enough. The eldest slammed his hand on the table. “Stop it the both of you! I will have order.”
“Oh save it Li, you know they’ll be no order with this runt around.”
“Look who’s talking, aren’t you the one with a new scandal every other day? What was the last one? Sleeping with that secretary of yours right?”
“Hey! Shut your mouth Childe before you say anything else you’re gonna regret.” Beidou shouted at the man across from her as Ningguang squeezed her hand in appreciation. But Beidou quickly retracted her hand as Zhongli dodged Childe’s own attempt at physical affection. “Every damn time you two are in a room together you try to rip each other’s heads off. It’s our god daughter’s birthday for fuck’s sake Ning, can’t you just cool it for one day?”
Ningguang sighed as she crossed her arms and looked to the side, muttering “I suppose, for the sake of Qiqi and only Qiqi.”
“Childe I expect the same from you. Stop with this foolish behaviour at once, it’s your daughter’s birthday and that should be the only think that matters today.”
With a sigh, Childe nodded his head in agreement. “Of course my love. Why don’t Ningguang and I go grab another bottle of wine as an apology?”
Zhongli contemplated before asking “Osmanthus?”
“Of course.”
“Very well.”
Ningguang reluctantly followed the househusband into the kitchen as she knew there was no way he actually wanted to make peace. “What’s your play asshole?”
“Play? I just said it as it is. We’re getting wine to apologise.” Childe sported an honest smile as he gestured for Ningguang to go first down the wine cellar stairs. “Well, I’m getting wine. You’re gonna accidentally lock yourself in the cellar and we won’t find you until the end of the party.”
“What-“
And with that, Childe slammed the wine cellar door shut and grabbed the bottle of osmanthus wine off of the counter. He walked away, ignoring Ningguang’s aggressive knocking which was drowned out by the loud music blasting outside. Sometimes Childe did miss the rush that doing crime once brought him but it was at times like this he compensated for that feeling very nicely. “Hey, where’s Ning?”
“Oh I don’t know, I just told her I was getting the wine and she disappeared.”
Beidou squinted her good eye in suspicion at the ex con but shrugged it off a moment later. Zhongli thanked his husband for the wine while Childe more than happily took a generous sip. Peace at last.
———
“Jean, relax. Razor and Fischl said they’re around the corner. The cake’ll be here in no time.” Lisa kissed her wife’s cheek as reassurance that everything at their youngest daughter’s birthday party would go accordingly. Jean nodded firmly but both Lisa and Kaeya could tell she was stressed to the max at the moment. “Hey Kaeya!”
The three old friends watched as Kaeya’s step son, Bennett, ran up to him, phone in hand. “Hu Tao, a senior from my school, live streamed her little sister’s birthday party today. It’s Klee’s friend, Qiqi.”
Kaeya looked at the young boy’s phone to see an array of things going on at Qiqi’s birthday while they were singing happy birthday to her. Trapeze artists swung through flaming hoops while Qiqi rode up to the cake on a Bengal tiger. He saw a familiar couple bring a ungodly sized cake to the little girl as it seemed Ariana Grande was there to sing happy birthday. Kaeya chuckled as Lisa said quietly in his ear “Talk about over the top.”
“Yeah, I’m sure the kid won’t even remember half this stuff anyway.” What Kaeya meant by that statement was that kids barely have any solid memories from the first years of their life but what he wasn’t aware of is that Qiqi wouldn’t remember much anyway because of her memory loss condition. Bennett, however, was well aware of it from talk at school so he didn’t appreciate his stepfather’s insensitivity. “Ow! What was that for?”
“Because you’re being rude! Qiqi has memory problems so she probably won’t remember her birthday party by tomorrow.” Bennett informed Kaeya sadly as the adult rubbed his arm. “Well I wasn’t aware of that was I now Bennett?”
“Oh, yeah… sorry for the punch- Razor! Fischl!” Bennett’s apology was cut short as he ran up to his two best friends but he quickly stopped himself when he saw Razor struggling to hold Klee’s birthday cake. The blonde boy retreated backwards slowly as he knew his clumsiness would most definitely find a way to destroy that work of culinary art. Jean paced forward and thanked her elder children for running the errand before hastily making her way to the kitchen. Razor scratched his head in confusion and turned to Lisa “Mom is… angry?”
“No honey, she’s just a little stressed out because things are running a bit behind schedule but it’ll all be alright. Why don’t you go get Klee out of the ball pit so we can cut her cake?” Lisa asked with a sweet smile, prompting Razor to nod and run off after Klee. Fischl sighed dramatically as she fanned herself “Oh dear mother, you must tell your beloved wife and my beloved other mother to, as young Bennett would say, ‘take a chill pill’.”
“As eloquent as ever dear Fischl. And don’t worry about your mother, she’ll be more relaxed once the cake’s cut.”
Jean was not more relaxed. In fact she was even more on edge after Klee blew out the candles so hard that the flame lit the banner in front of the cake on fire. Luckily Albedo was able to extinguish it before the fire spread any further but much to the overworked woman’s dismay, one of the kids had recorded the whole thing and posted it on TikTok. Lisa hugged Jean from behind as everyone was now settled down eating their totally not burnt cake. “Dear, you did well today.”
“Did I though?” Jean asked in defeat as she watched the entertainer she’d hired be carted off in an ambulance. Bennett shouted numerous apologies to the injured man as he was indeed the cause of his unfortunate fall, although everyone was more surprised that this was the boy’s first incident of the day. “Qiqi rode a tiger, Lis. A damn tiger. Klee’s probably going to wonder why she never got a party like that and I can’t even say it’s because of money problems, it’s because her mom’s too busy with work to remember her own kid’s birthday.”
Lisa could feel that Jean’s heart rate had risen abnormally, as it often did when her wife was experiencing moments of extreme stress. Instinctively, Jean grabbed the older woman’s hand as if it was a source of peace for her among the madness. “Jean, darling, you do so much for Klee and I promise you she’ll realise that-“
“I’m so sorry we’re late!” Out of annoyance, Lisa looked up to see who not so politely interrupted her words of comfort to her wife. Of course it had to be none other than the Dawn Winery owner, Diluc Ragnvindr. He seemed out of breath as an angry looking pink haired girl came out from behind him. “Diona and I had a little… car trouble.”
“A little?! You sped in front of a cop car you idiot!” Diona shouted at her legal guardian in a tone that wasn’t unfamiliar to those who knew her. “Yes I did, Diona, but that was to get you to this stupid party!”
Both Lisa and Jean simultaneously raised an eyebrow at Diluc’s not so kind choice of words. “I mean wonderful party of course.”
“How would you know? We just got here.” Diona scoffed before Klee came running up to her friend, throwing her tiny arms around her. “Dionaaaaa! You missed so much, let me show you all my presents!”
Klee took Diona by the hand and ran off with her while Diluc threw his arms in the air in defeat. Lisa chuckled lightly before whispering to Jean “I told you she’s enjoying herself.”
“Brother!”
“Oh great.” Diluc looked anywhere but the direction from which his adoptive brother was pacing towards him. Before he could think of an excuse to escape from the situation, he felt himself being enveloped into an extremely unwanted hug from Kaeya. “Nice to see you I guess.”
“Oh come on, I know you missed me.” Kaeya teased as Diluc shivered at the thought of actually missing his annoying sibling’s presence. Albedo followed behind his husband and extended his hand out to his brother-in-law. “Hello Diluc, it’s good to see you again.”
“You too Albedo, I hope you and Bennett have been well.” Diluc said with a polite smile as he firmly shook Albedo’s hand. Kaeya exaggeratedly gasped at the mutual respect between his husband and brother, a respect that he seemed to be missing from the latter. “Oh so you’re happy to see him but not me? No offence Bedo, you know I love you.”
“Whatever, I need a drink.” The two couples watched Diluc grumpily strut to the drinks bar and tried to conceal their laughter as he realised there was not a drop of alcohol in those drinks. He trudged back to the group in defeat and gave them a mocking smile as they laughed. Kaeya wiped a tear from his eye and slapped him on the back “Oh Diluc, stupid little Diluc, what made you think there would be alcoholic beverages served at a kids party?”
“The fact that you’re here made me think that. You never go out places without a drink.”
“Who says I haven’t had one?” Kaeya winked as Albedo clarified “Kaeya so classily brought his flask with him of course.”
“Gimme that.” Diluc snatched the engraved flask from his brother and chugged down the unknown drink - he didn’t care what it was as long as there was alcohol in it. For the first time that day, Diluc felt a moment of peace… well that was until Kaeya opened his mouth again. The blue haired man tutted as he folded his arms. Diluc closed his eyes and sighed “What?”
“Diona’s not going to be happy to see you drinking now is she?”
“First off all, it’s just one drink. Second, she won’t know… because it’s just one drink. Third, why the fuck is it any of your business?”
Jean, Lisa, and Albedo simultaneously groaned as they knew what was about to come. This was a classic build up to a fight that always seemed to happen between the two brothers - Kaeya would push Diluc’s buttons just a tad too much, prompting the latter to physically attack him. However it seemed Diluc’s social etiquette kicked in as he drew away from Kaeya and sat back down on his chair, but not without having the upper hand of course. “Albedo, since your husband likes getting all up into my business I might as well tell you, he spent your last month’s work bonus on getting his hair done at Harry Styles’ hair salon!”
Kaeya gasped dramatically as Jean and Lisa tried to sneak away from the conversation. “I told you that in confidence. It’s not my fault that man has immaculate hair! Albedo I promise I was going to tell you.”
“Kaeya,” Albedo interrupted his husband’s babbling, holding a hand up to silence him. “I don’t care that you spent that money on your hair but you couldn’t have cut me in? I would’ve liked to have my hair maintenanced as well.”
“Maintenanced? Wha-“ Diluc’s questioning was cut off by Kaeya practically throwing himself at Albedo as he gave him a generous kiss, simultaneously giving Diluc a generous middle finger. The red haired man took a swig of the flask, contemplating his life choices for what probably wouldn’t be the last time that day.
———
“Mommyyyy!” Klee ran into Jean’s arms as she ran out of the bathroom, freshly bathed and wearing red onesie pyjamas. Razor and Fischl reluctantly wore matching grey and purple ones as it was their sister’s birthday and it was the least they could do, even if they did look like an off brand version of the Teletubbies. Jean hugged the little girl before carrying her to her room to rest after the long day she’d had at her party. She gently pulled up Klee’s covers over her, the Toy Story bedsheets comfortingly enveloping the young girl. The older woman contemplated for a moment before deciding to ask “Klee, were you happy with your party today?”
“Yes, of course! The bouncy castle was the best, and so was the funny man, until he got hurt… oh ooh and my cake was the best. It was just the best birthday ever!” Klee beamed, throwing her arms up for dramatic effect and making Jean laugh in the process. Jean gently kissed her daughter’s forehead and smiled at her sweetly “I’m really glad you liked it sweetie, I hope we can do just as good next year.”
“I know you will mommy.” Klee yawned as she closed her eyes and started drifting into slumber. Jean carefully closed her bedroom door before finally checking her work phone for the first time in hours. Razor and Fischl could be heard watching something downstairs while Lisa lazily walked into her and Jean’s bedroom, ready to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Jean felt accomplished today. Fuck Zhongli and Childe and their over the top birthday party, her and Lisa were able to bring their daughter just as much happiness with a smaller scale event (well as small scale as an upper class family’s birthday party could be). Nothing could bring her down right now, nothing except from her soul-sucking job.
From: [email protected]
Dear Mrs Gunnhildr
We apologise for contacting you at this hour but a few concerns have been raised about the Parent Teacher Association running at Teyvat Private Academy. Due to the demand of these complaints by parents, we have scheduled a meeting for Monday at 8am to discuss it in detail. Thank you for your cooperation Mrs Gunnhildr.
Sincerely,
California State Board of Education
Oh fuck.
———
The PTA. The Parent Teacher Association of Teyvat Private Academy ran a little differently from most PTA’s, “a little differently” meaning they had a hell of a lot of power over how things were ran at the academy. Ningguang, Albedo, Zhongli and Yae made up the leaders of the PTA along with Jean but over the years they had gained so much power that they might as well have been headmasters of the school themselves.
Jean’s meeting with the Board of Education didn’t go down too well as the whole time she felt like a child being scolded. Apparently the infamous PTA’s overbearing rule got to a breaking point for the students’ parents as they were tired of their antics, the number one concern being the school events. Normal school events would entail a talent show, a school play, or even a sport’s day of some sort but no - TPA hosted extravagant balls and aristocratic sports games such as croquet (poor senior student Chongyun ended up in hospital after Bennett accidentally whacked him over the head with the croquet mallet). So the conclusion the board had come to was that the time of this PTA’s rule was coming to its end and some new faces needed to be shown, however, the board weren’t the ones in charge.
“I simply won’t forgive him Zhongli.” Ningguang huffed as she took her seat at the meeting table, followed by Zhongli. The older man sighed as he tried to deal with the consequences of his husband’s immature actions. “Of course I don’t expect you to forgive him straight away, Ningguang, but I at least wanted you to know that he truly did apologise. He even realised this ludicrous conflict between the two of you needs to stop.”
Ningguang scoffed “Oh that’s rich coming from him. If he really wanted peace then he wouldn’t have locked me in the fucking closet!”
“Who’s in the closet?” Zhongli and Ningguang looked up to see Yae Miko take a seat next to them, still sporting that smug look she was always seen wearing. Yae chuckled lightly as she saw the semi-mortified expressions on the two friends’ faces. “I kid of course. I’m aware that everyone here is indeed gay as fuck.”
Ningguang rolled her eyes as she scooted her chair to make room for Albedo. “As classy as ever Yae.”
“I do try.” Yae’s attention turned to the last arrival to the meeting. “Ah, Mr Albedo. Looking classy there, bar the glaring hickey on your neck.” Zhongli and Ningguang glared at the pink haired woman while Albedo didn’t seem to falter.
“My apologies, let’s just say I had an interesting night with my husband yesterday.” Albedo responded bluntly, almost making Zhongli choke on air. Yae simply nodded in respect “Hey, no complaints here. I had an interesting night myself.”
“My god, do you have to talk about sex every time we’re in this room together?” Ningguang complained, leaning back in her chair as she remembered how trialling these meetings could be.
“No one here was talking about sex until you just said it, Ningguang.” Yae pointed out much to the other woman’s annoyance which was about to increase as Yae made another suggestive comment. “I guess what Beidou said at the bar the other night about you liking to get straight to business seems pretty accurate right now.”
Ningguang’s eyes widened at Yae’s sheer audacity to talk about her like that at a formal meeting but then again, when were these meetings ever truly formal. Zhongli and Albedo simultaneously held their heads in their hands as Ningguang borderline shouted all sorts of declarations at a laughing Yae.
“Ahem.” The four members turned to Jean and acknowledged her for the first time since they’d entered the meeting room. Jean wasn’t fazed by the bickering or the lack of attention as this was just how the PTA leaders were, and maybe now she could finally see why there was a problem. It wasn’t the PTA as a whole but rather the people in that room - the strengths that gained these leaders their positions also happened to be their glaring flaws.
Ningguang always wanted the students to uphold this image of sophistication, Albedo had trouble establishing boundaries with the students, Zhongli was far too by the book, and Yae… well Yae was actually perfectly fine with students, it was the parents she had trouble getting along with. Jean herself knew she had become too negligent of student affairs outside of academics but she had always relied on the PTA leaders to hold that fort. Only now had it dawned on her that maybe these people never really were holding things together, maybe she was just so overworked that she let them take it off her plate but that had to stop now, it was time to get a grip.
“Thank you all for coming on such short notice, I know you’re probably busy so I’ll get straight to the point - this isn’t working.”
“Wow Jean, one would think you’re breaking up with us the way this is going.” Yae half-joked but the tension in the room suddenly rose as Jean didn’t correct her. “Wait, you’re breaking up with us?”
“Not breakup per say but… well… more like us taking a break from the PTA.”
Ningguang sat up as she looked personally offended “A break? Are you insane Jean? We’re what holds half this school together.”
“I think you exaggerate our responsibilities Ningguang, we’re merely a bridge between the teachers and the parents here.” Zhongli clarified but Albedo didn’t seem to agree with him. “With all due respect Zhongli, our role is far more important than that. We organise almost all events at the school for the students-“
“Yes, but that doesn’t make us actual staff here. We should know our limits and when to step back, so I for one will support your decision if you would like us to withdraw from our positions Jean.” Zhongli said with a polite smile that faltered as he heard Yae scoff beside him. “Something wrong Yae?”
“Yes, in fact, I was just wondering when you became such a stick in the mud, Zhongli. I’m sure you used to be the one coming up with all the ideas and now you want an early retirement.”
“Wow, Yae, you’re just now realising that Zhongli is practically an old man. He’d do anything to just sit back and sip his osmanthus wine without worrying about all this politics.” Ningguang commented, accurately for that matter. Zhongli never really went above and beyond with the students as he didn’t want to complicate his role, he thought it was best he stuck to doing his part behind the scenes, nothing less and nothing more. However, this often led to conflicts between him and the alchemist, Albedo, as he shared an opposing stance. He always wanted to consume more knowledge and bypass boundaries, even in trivial things like a PTA, so naturally he butt heads with Zhongli. Albedo sighed exaggeratedly as he gave his input “Yes I suppose Zhongli would be one to agree with this decision as he does the bare minimum.”
“Now when did this turn into a session of insulting me. The matter at hand is our resignation from the PTA, not how I handle my duties.” Zhongli interrupted the slander harshly. “I’m sure you three are mature enough to listen to the headmistress.”
“Oh don’t patronise us Zhongli, it’s not our fault the rest of us aren’t as laid back about our kids’ school lives as you are.” Yae said spitefully, not expecting Albedo’s rather unhelpful interjection. “But Yae, Scaramouche and Mona aren’t your children, they’re your brother and sister-in-law. You and Ei are just their legal guardians.”
“Thank you Albedo, I am aware of my situation you know.”
“Well you know Albedo, always saying things as it is.” Ningguang stated as the subject of her statement turned to face her. “What? I suppose you’re going to remind me that my son is adopted as if I didn’t already know that.”
“Oh, no actually. I was going to point out that we have almost identical love bites on our necks.” Albedo bluntly remarked as Ningguang hastily buttoned up the top of her blouse and Yae struggled to contain her laughter, Zhongli simply shook his head in disapproval. Finally Jean’s eyes were opened as she realised that she had left the mess playing out in front of her in charge of the students’ extracurricular affairs. What was she thinking?
The headmistress slammed her hand on the table, finally managing to shut everyone up for the second time that meeting. “Would everyone please listen?”
“Of course Jean, apologies.” Zhongli said on behalf of himself and the other three. Jean nodded as she continued speaking “I didn’t say that this was an option guys, the board really insisted on this team being disbanded but, if you had all let me finished I would’ve told you that I have a proposal that might solve this dilemma.”
Yae raised an eyebrow at the headmistress’ words. “So what, pray tell, is this supposed proposal?”
“Well I know there’s no way any of you, apart from Zhongli, would actually step back from the PTA so maybe you don’t have to. I mean officially of course you do because if we have any word go to the board that I didn’t listen to them then I’m in a tight spot but that got me thinking, we need people that we’re close to on this new team. People that would listen to us, but also be able to function the PTA themselves. So my proposal is that we enlist our-“
“Spouses?” Ningguang finished. “You can’t be serious Jean.”
“Look I know it sounds stupid but it was the only idea I could think of.”
Yae stared out the window in contemplation before bursting out into laughter, prompting everyone in room to stare at her in confusion. “Mrs Gunnhildr, have you met our partners? They’d be the last people we’d enlist to keep this PTA running smoothly.”
“I agree.” Albedo added and Zhongli also nodded in agreement, it seemed Jean was being overruled. “As much as I love Kaeya he’d most definitely let the students drink alcohol.”
Ningguang nodded as she very much understood the alchemist’s struggles. “Sounds like something Beidou would do. Except she’d probably have them fight each other after drinking that alcohol.”
“Ha, Ei would have them fight to the death most likely.” Yae added, causing Zhongli to chuckle lightly. “That does sound like my cousin. Knowing Childe, however, he’d probably do something to make Ei want to kill him.”
Jean sighed as she thought Lisa would be too unbothered to stop all that. She cleared her throat for what felt like the 10th time that meeting and as per usual the room quietened down. “I get your concerns but guys, I’ve already told the board this is what’s happening and… I called all of our partners to come in this morning to talk through things properly. In fact they should be right out-“
“What’s up comrades!” Childe greeted as he burst into the meeting room, sauntering in like he owned the place and kissing Zhongli on the cheek. “And hello hot husband.”
“My hot husband’s hotter than yours.” Kaeya joked as he went to stand beside Albedo, almost falling forward as Beidou hastily brushed past him. She draped her arms around Ningguang and rested her chin on the other woman’s head. “Neither of your hot husbands can beat my hot wife.”
“Ditto.” Lisa commented, making everyone jump as absolutely no one saw her enter the room yet somehow she was already sitting next to Jean. Ei was the last one to come in and, unsurprisingly, she had the least dramatic entrance as she quietly pulled up a chair beside Yae who laughed bitterly as she remarked “Who called in the pride parade?”
Before Jean could answer there seemed to be one more entrance as a familiar red haired man awkwardly peered in before entering the meeting room. Kaeya tried to contain his mocking smile as Diluc avoided eye contact with everyone except Jean, asking her the question all the new arrivals were dying to ask. “Jean, uh, what did you call us here for?”
Yae scoffed “Why did you call him more like, Diluc doesn’t have a partner on the PTA, or any partner for that matter so why is he here?”
“What did I call you all here for? That’s your question? Well…” Jean thought about the best way to approach the topic, a way that wouldn’t overexcite or scare off the new PTA leaders. She failed miserably. “The board of education have dismissed us from the school’s PTA so you guys are taking our place, meaning you’ll have to carry out all our duties but, don’t worry! We’ll still be telling you what to do you guys just need to be the- the pretty faces! Not that you’re just pretty faces I mean of course we think you’re capable, we totally weren’t talking shit about you all before you entered the room-“
“Jean, honey, breathe.” Lisa comfortingly put her arm around a borderline hyperventilating Jean as everyone tried to take in her mass of flustered words. The long silence was broken as Kaeya snickered, clapping his hands together. “Well Jean, I think you’ve made a fine decision.”
“Yeah! We can totally handle this.” Beidou reassured but Yae wasn’t buying it as she candidly commented “Says the woman who disabled her own son.”
Ningguang facepalmed as Zhongli and Ei stopped Beidou from launching her fist at the pink haired woman. Diluc carefully made his way past all the commotion and towards the headmistress who looked like she was ready to run out of the room. “Jean, with all due respect, what the hell am I doing here? Between Diona and the winery I barely have any time to look after things as it is so why would you think I would be on this PTA?”
“Look around,” Jean stated and Diluc did so. He watched as Ei stood protectively in front of a smirking Yae, Zhongli trying to talk his cousin out of physical violence, and Beidou sulked in Ningguang’s arms as she was reminded of her mistake. At first Diluc was going to say how although the new group were a bit… unconventional to say the least, they could still pull things off. But then he saw Kaeya, Kaeya and his stupid smirk that made him think everything would most definitely not be okay. “I see.”
“In that case,” Jean cleared her throat and handed out some papers to the new arrivals before saying “Welcome to the PTA.”