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It wasn’t often that the Rollins girls stopped by Sonny’s office, but he enjoyed their visits whenever they did; always had, even back before he and Amanda had redefined their relationship and by extension his place in her daughters’ lives. It started back when he’d gotten his first office, a little more than a glorified cupboard, Amanda had brought the girls in to see it when he was caught up with paperwork on a Saturday; their visit had added a little colour to his dull day, and soon his filing cabinets were adored with brightly coloured drawings to remind him of that light.
These days he avoided weekend office trips as much as he could; he had something far greater to fill his time - somehow work didn’t seem as all-consuming when he could hear Amanda smiling at him down the phone. Throughout the summer, through the early months of their relationship and while they were still keeping it to themselves, Amanda had visited often, sometimes by herself; for lunch, or at the end of the day, and sometimes with the girls. They’d barrel in on Amanda’s off days, climbing all over the furniture, Jesse proudly pointing out the artwork he was still displaying, the photos of both girls that were scattered around the room alongside those of his sisters’ children, and he would feel a sense of lightness coming over him, one he associated with her, and with these two little versions of her that filled his mornings and his evenings with giggles and hugs.
With their disclosure there was less need for clandestine visits from Amanda, and no cause for him not to be open about just where he was when he was taking work calls out of hours; no need to work from his office to avoid the background noise of the family he’d longed to be a part of for so long.
Visits became fewer, but no less treasured. And when Jesse’s school had a half-day and Amanda’s plans for an early finish and afternoon with her eldest were delayed by a particularly brutal case, Sonny had happily offered to pick Jesse up. He set her up on the couch in his office with some colouring books and every time he looked up from his case files to see her concentrating on staying in the lines it made him smile.
He was determined not to keep her stuck there all afternoon, though, and he was just packing up, slipping his laptop and case files into his briefcase - work he’d finish once the girls were in bed, sat side by side with Amanda, knowing it wouldn’t take much to distract him - when one of his least favourite defence attorneys rapped on the open door.
Buchanan walked in without waiting for an invitation, “Mr Carisi. I was hoping to catch you.”
“I’m just heading home for the day,” Sonny said, he had little interest in getting into it with Buchanan; he could wind up being stuck there for hours negotiating the finer points of a deal that could definitely wait until tomorrow, “Jess, c’mon, grab your backpack,” he said, hurrying Jesse along. She slung the straps of the bright pink backpack that somehow still looked too big for her even months in to first grade onto her shoulders, eyeing Buchanan curiously.
Buchanan glanced at Jesse then back to Sonny, seemly unperturbed by the five-year-old’s intense stare, “I didn’t know you had kids, Counsellor.”
Sonny sighed, not addressing the observation, “What do you need, Buchanan?”
“Mr Petrov has some information that might be of interest to the DA’s office,” Buchanan said. The case Sonny was set to prosecute early next week; Ivan Petrov, three counts of rape and one of manslaughter, all tied in with a sex trafficking ring that Petrov had declined to give any details on.
“He had his shot at a deal,” Sonny said, grabbing his coat and stepping towards the door, a hand held out for Jesse, “He turned it down.”
“Man two wasn’t much of a deal, Counsellor,” Buchanan said; his frame was blocking the doorway, stopping Sonny from walking right out, “But if we could talk-”
“I won’t be going any lower than that,” Sonny said firmly, “Now if you’ll excuse us-”
“You know that SVU bungled this case, Carisi,” Buchanan said, a smarmy look on his face that ignited Sonny’s dislike for this man. Sure, Velasco had been a little heavy handed with the arrest, but the evidence was solid - and Buchanan knew that or he wouldn’t be back angling for a deal, “The detectives-”
“My mommy’s a detective,” Jesse said crossly, staring up at Buchanan with the kind of vitriol only small children can muster.
Sonny put a gentle hand on her shoulder, “Jesse.”
“Is she now?” Buchanan asked, acknowledging Jesse with a knowing smile.
“Yep,” Jesse said, pride shining out of her as it did whenever she got to tell someone about how her mommy locked up bad guys, “Detective Amanda Rollins,” she fixed Buchanan with a stare that was bordering on a challenge, “SVU.”
Buchanan raised an eyebrow, looking from Jesse back to Sonny, “That’s interesting.”
“Rollins isn’t the arresting officer,” Sonny cut in before Buchanan could try to spin this into his deal negotiations.
“Still,” Buchanan said, glancing at Jesse again, “An undisclosed relationship that’s been going on for… how old are you?”
Jesse scowled up at him, “How old are you?”
Sonny held back a smile and lifted his hand from Jesse’s shoulder, gesturing towards the door, “We really need to get going,” he said - cogs were clearly turning in Buchanan’s head but Sonny wasn’t worried - they’d weighed up the risks before they disclosed and once they had they’d pieced together a plan for moving forward; one that Liv and Hadid were both happy with, even if McGrath hadn’t been.
Buchanan took a step back, letting them pass, and once Sonny had nodded in farewell, taking Jesse’s hand in his, she turned back to look at Buchanan once again, “And my mommy is the best detective,” she said fiercely; Sonny smiled proudly down at her, this little girl who was every bit her mother’s daughter, the same passion simmering in her at almost-six that Amanda had in droves.
Amanda made it home in time for dinner, tired and weighed down by the sights of the day, but as she twirled spaghetti around her fork, Jesse sought to make her mother smile, “I went to Uncle Sonny’s office today,” she said, raising a protest from her little sister.
“I wanna go!”
Amanda reached over to her youngest, a soft hand on her arm, “You get Uncle Sonny at home every night,” she said soothingly before her eyes flicked over to Sonny’s, a smile shared between them - he hadn’t officially moved in, but he might as well have.
“Anyway,” Jesse said, bringing attention back to herself, “I met a grumpy lawyer.”
Amanda raised an eyebrow in question, “Was it Uncle Sonny?”
“Hey,” Sonny protested half-heartedly, appeased by Amanda nudging his foot with her own. “It was Buchanan,” he said with a grimace.
Jesse told the rest of the story herself - including her proud declaration that her mother was an SVU detective, and Sonny didn’t miss the uneasiness in Amanda’s smile.
They both tabled it for another conversation, one that came later that evening, once the girls were tucked up in bed, Jesse adding an additional exclamation to her goodnight wishes, “Mommy when I’m a detective I’m gonna arrest that lawyer for being mean.”
“Let’s talk about you being a detective another time,” Amanda had said; she pressed a kiss to Jesse’s forehead and joined Sonny in the hallway, “No way is my baby being a cop,” she said, but Sonny could see the pride in her eyes even if she wasn’t going to admit to it.
They walked back to the living room, Sonny reluctantly grabbing his briefcase - he didn’t regret the hours spent with Jesse and Billie throughout the evening, or the extra hour he’d had one-on-one with Jesse when they escaped the DA’s office, but the downside was he’d be trawling through case notes when he’d much rather be curled up with Amanda, helping her to shrug off her tough day.
He took the armchair while Amanda joined Frannie on the couch; she picked up a book from the coffee table and for an hour or so they sat in a companionable silence, until he slid the case file back into his briefcase and she reached for her bookmark.
“So, Buchanan, huh?”
Sonny nodded, “Jesse gave him a run for his money,” he said, the flicker of a proud smile on his face even as Amanda shook her head.
“Is he gonna try and use it?” she asked, worrying her lip, “If Petrov gets off because-”
“Hey,” Sonny said, leaning forward in the chair, “We’ve done everythin’ right; Buchanan can’t use this.”
Amanda didn’t look placated; she had been the one to make the notification on Petrov’s victim, had held her sister’s hand in arraignment court and he knew she felt every bit of that family’s pain. He set his briefcase aside; there were emails he'd need to get to, but they could wait.
He stood up and Frannie lifted her head from Amanda’s legs, moving from the couch with almost resignation - giving up her spot for Sonny was something she’d begrudgingly accepted in recent months, and she was quick to take his place on the armchair. He wound his arm around Amanda’s shoulders as he sat down and she leaned into him, “Come on, tell me about your day.”
True to form, Monday morning’s trial started with Buchanan going bold - a motion to drop all charges given an undisclosed relationship between the ADA and one of the detectives on the case.
As they stood in chambers, Sonny couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all; the premature look of triumph on Buchanan’s face whisked away by confirmation that there was nothing undisclosed at all. The judge dismissed the motion and Buchanan asked for a recess to confer with his client. An hour later a deal was struck.
When they left the courthouse Sonny fell into step with Amanda naturally, Fin and Liv dropping back to give them a moment together, and his hand rested lightly on the small of Amanda’s back as he leaned in close, “See, told you we had nothin’ to worry about.”
“Buchanan’s a piece of work,” Amanda said, anger still simmering despite their victory.
A voice interrupted them, “Nice of you to say so, Detective,” Buchanan said, stepping forward into their space, “Your daughter, she’s five, six? How many times did you put Detective Rollins on the stand before you disclosed?”
Amanda stiffened at Sonny’s side, rounding on Buchanan, fire in her eyes, “You know, you don’t have any right to bring my daughter into this-”
Sonny cut her off with a hand on her arm, “We disclosed in an appropriate amount of time,” he said firmly.
He didn’t need to say more - Buchanan had already taken a step back at Amanda’s outburst and had resigned himself to the loss, but even after he walked away Amanda’s face was contorted in a pained expression, and Sonny took her hand in his gently, “You okay?”
“He thought-” she sighed, “He thought she was yours too, that’s why…”
“Yeah,” Sonny nodded, “He assumed an’ I guess I never corrected him.”
The smile Amanda gave him was weak, and a silent conversation passed between them - one bound in hope and regret. But they couldn’t change what came before, and Sonny loved Jesse and Billie just as fiercely and unwaveringly as he loved their mother, that was all that mattered.
“What was that about?” Fin asked as he and Liv caught them up.
“Just Buchanan posturing; I think he’s still bitter at Jesse callin’ him out.”
In the weeks that followed Buchanan’s failed attempt to derail the case Sonny couldn’t help his mind wandering back to the thought that Buchanan had assumed Jesse was his, and the way he himself hadn’t apologised for letting the assumption stick, because he kind of liked the idea. The easy way Amanda had accepted it, without concern or objection, and the look they had shared that spoke volumes about the family they were drawing together. Whenever he dropped Jesse off at school, or when she rushed to his arms when he got home from work, or when she leaned in for goodnight kisses, the thought was there. That there were those who viewed them and saw the family he held in his heart.
It was early December the next time he had a visit from one of his goddaughters at work; Sienna had a family emergency and Amanda was upstate with Velasco picking up a suspect in their latest case - she’d sent him a dozen texts throughout the drive up; Velasco was still not endearing himself to anyone on the squad.
When she’d called him just after lunch he’d expected her to vent about whatever Velasco had done this time, but it didn’t come; instead there was a quiet plea to take Billie for a couple of hours, just until Amanda could get back to the city, one he deflected with reassurances, “Hey, Rollins; don’t worry about it. Have Sienna drop Billie off here, you don’t need to rush back.”
“I can call my mom, maybe she can-”
He cut her off; insisted that he would take care of Billie himself - it didn’t feel like a big deal to him, this was a child who woke him up staring at him from the end of the bed, who dug her elbows in when she climbed all over him whenever he sat still long enough, who he was helping steer through potty training and whose speech he could interpret almost as well as her mother. It wasn’t a big ask; in fact, it was kind of nice, one-on-one time with his littlest love - even if he was technically working.
When Sienna dropped Billie off it was past her usual nap time, and he’d settled her down on the couch without any protest, laying his jacket over her as she drifted off to sleep. He worked steadily, his gaze falling on her sleeping form whenever he looked up from his laptop.
He had the occasional visitor as the afternoon wore on - thankfully not a sign of Buchanan - and he didn’t correct a single assumption thrown in his direction. John Crosby pushed the door open without knocking, a case file in his hand and frustrated expression on his face, “Hey Carisi, can I pick your brains about-”
Sonny held up a hand, silencing Crosby and nodding towards the couch where Billie was mercifully still snoring lightly. “Oh,” Crosby said, his voice much lower as he approached the desk, “What-?”
“Sitter had an emergency,” he said, reaching over the desk for the file in Crosby’s hand, “What do you need help with?”
“Is she…” Crosby glanced back at Billie as he took the seat opposite Carisi, “I didn’t- that time I asked Amanda, sorry, Detective Rollins, out I didn’t know you two were already-”
Sonny shook his head, “It’s forgotten about.”
Vanessa Hadid knew all the details of Sonny’s relationship with Amanda that had made their way onto the disclosure paperwork, and so she must have known that Billie wasn’t his, but she still gestured to the sleeping child on her way out of his office, “Next time you bring your daughter to work, clear it with me first.”
Billie was awake when Anya Avital stopped by later that afternoon; she was sat on the edge of Sonny’s desk, her legs swinging back and forth and nudging Sonny occasionally while she watched cartoons on his phone. Anya greeted Billie before Sonny, but he couldn’t blame her. “Who’s this little lady then?”
“Say hi, Billie,” Sonny said, a hand on Billie’s leg to prevent a kick to the US Attorney.
Billie tore her gaze from the screen to grin up at their visitor, “Hello!”
“Daddy bring you to work with him?” Anya asked, and Billie nodded before Sonny could even think about correcting her.
He gave Anya a small smile, “Her mom’s upstate on a case,” he said, “But she’s good company, aren’t ya?” he released Billie’s leg and gestured for Anya to take a seat, “What can I do for you?”
They talked over the case Anya was working on - one that had links back to someone Carisi had prosecuted last year; it was a relief to have someone from another department walk in and not pull a case out from under him, and their meeting was productive, even if Billie did insist on climbing onto his lap halfway through, her head against his chest and the tinny phone speaker still playing Peppa Pig to distract her from the more serious conversation the adults were having.
Anya stopped in the doorway on her way out to thank him again, and then added, “Your daughter is adorable, Carisi.”
“She’s, uh-” he started, but bit back the denial, “Yeah, she’s pretty cute, huh?”
“Her mom the lady with the lipstick?” Anya asked, and Sonny thought back to all those months ago, to the way he’d had to hold back a smile when a woman he’d literally just met pointed out the mark on his collar, and neatly helped him keep it between them.
Sonny nodded, “Yeah,” this time his grin wasn’t held back at all, “She is.”
“And there was I thinking I’d saved you from a scandal,” she said with a smile, “See you around, Carisi. Bye Billie.”
Sonny ran into Anya again a month or so later; he was walking out of the courthouse with Billie’s hand in his as he helped her carefully down the steps; Amanda was just behind him, Jesse swinging on her arm impatiently. Billie’s birthday was coming up and they were heading out to choose decorations for her birthday party; he could hardly believe she was turning three, or how much had changed in that time. Billie came into the world at a time when Sonny thought he’d lost Amanda forever; he’d watched another man propose to her and he had swallowed down the pain and insisted all he wanted was for Amanda to be happy; he had even believed it a little. And then there she was; Billie Mabel Rollins, born a little early but with her mother’s tenacity and her godfather’s heart in her hand. She’d spent the next three years filling their lives with so much laughter and light, and that hope that Sonny had been so close to losing had grown until it came to fruition.
Anya raised a hand in greeting when she saw him and crossed the steps to join them, “Counsellor,” she said with a nod, “And Billie, hello.”
“I’m three,” Billie said proudly.
Sonny laughed and squeezed her hand gently, “You’re almost three,” he corrected as Amanda and Jesse reached them.
“Aw, Daddy spoiling the fun,” Anya joked, and Sonny felt Amanda’s hand on his arm, whether in reassurance or discomfort he couldn’t tell.
He swallowed, avoiding commenting, and gestured to Amanda, “Anya, this is Amanda Rollins.”
“Your wife?” Anya asked, reaching out to shake Amanda’s hand.
“Uh, not- not yet,” he stuttered, turning his head in time to see Amanda’s eyes go wide; she looked surprised but not unhappy.
Anya laughed, “You might want to get on that, Counsellor. Two kids in.”
“They’re-” he started, suddenly feeling compelled to correct the assumption before it got out of hand, but Amanda cut him off, a hand curling around his bicep.
“We’ll get there one day,” she said, her eyes darting to his for a brief moment, a question and a promise both lingering in her gaze.
They were swept up in the girls’ birthday excitement once they’d said their goodbyes to Anya, and while they loaded their shopping cart with balloons and bunting, and watched as Billie stared longingly at the row of birthday cakes trying to decide which one she wanted the most, they didn’t have time to dwell on the conversation that was now pretty much guaranteed to be coming. The girls, and Sonny’s relationship with them - and what the next step for the two of them might be as well.
After shopping there was dinner, then bath time and bedtime, and a giddy almost-three-year-old who was too excited to sleep, Momma! While Amanda put Billie back to bed for the third time, Sonny found himself lingering in the kitchen, his eyes on a photograph stuck to the fridge - Sonny with both Jesse and Billie on Christmas Day, his arms around them as they grinned up at the camera.
He readied himself for the conversation he and Amanda needed to have. The things they needed to figure out before it was too late. Jesse had never known any father figure but him, but she’d also lived the first few years of her life with a distance between Mommy and Uncle Sonny, a distance that Billie would never remember. And while Billie had a biological father she’d actually met, Al Pollack’s primary role in her young life was filling her college tuition fund with child support checks. Sonny had been enamoured with Jesse the first time he held her, had loved her since the day she was born, and when Billie came along he had loved her in that same way; instantly and unconditionally, and whenever one of them curled their little fingers around his, looking up at him with trust and love in their eyes, he felt that spark of hope - that he could one day be the father Billie and Jesse both deserved.
“So,” Amanda said when she joined him, leaning up against the counter, “Anya seems nice.”
Sonny nodded, “Told ya, she’s got a soul.”
“You didn’t mention she’d met Billie,” Amanda said, biting her lip.
He turned around, stepping closer to her, one hand resting lightly on her hip, “It was that day Sienna’s mom was sick, she stopped by to talk about the Harlow case - you remember, the strip club with-”
“I remember,” Amanda said, not letting him change the subject. His heart was pounding in his chest the same way it had when he stood in this kitchen at three in the morning in late May, hours after their first - and second, and a few more - kiss, his hands on her waist as he got up the courage to ask what they were doing.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I should’ve corrected them.”
“Them?” Amanda asked, eyebrow raised.
Sonny nodded, a little abashed, “Uh Crosby, too. And Hadid kinda, but she must know that-” he shrugged, “They just assumed an’… and I didn’t correct them because it sounded... like somethin' I wanted. But I should’ve and-”
Amanda shook her head, “No, you don’t have to. Not if… not if that’s something you want.”
“Are you- are you sure?”
“I couldn’t ask for a better father for my children,” Amanda said sincerely, resting her palms on his chest and smiling up at him in a way that still set off butterflies in his stomach even now, “No one but me is ever gonna love them as much as you, or worry about them the way you do.”
“So if I…” he started, looking down at her and seeing a future reflected there, one he was finally allowing himself to hope for, “I mean, if they do too, I don’t-”
“Billie just told me to say goodnight to Daddy,” Amanda said, her smile widening, “So I think you’re onto a winner there.”
He couldn’t contain the grin that broke out across his face, but he tried to temper his excitement as he considered the other player in all of this, a six-year-old who would definitely have her own opinion, “Jesse-”
“Jesse adores you,” Amanda said softly, pushing up on her toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips, “And I can’t say I blame her.”
The pounding in his heart hadn’t quite settled down yet; there was another question waiting to be asked. Sonny stalled a little by leaning in for a kiss that lasted longer than the last, but when they broke apart the words fell out of his mouth unbidden, “An’ that other thing?”
“What other thing?” Amanda asked, leaning against him.
“About us ‘getting there one day’?”
Amanda smiled at him - mischievous and adoring all at once, “Well, someone’s gotta ask me first,” she said, prodding at his shoulder.
And he did ask - not in that moment, but a couple of weeks later, and for all his worry that it was too soon, her yes came before he’d even finished the speech he’d planned in his head. And when they gathered their friends together to make the announcement they were beaten to it by Jesse and Billie, unable to contain their excitement as they blurted out almost in unison, “Mommy and Daddy are getting married!”