Chapter Text
"I can't support you anymore, so don't go ending up on the wrong path, okay?" Koko sticks out his tongue playfully, but under the facade, Inui can sense his hesitation.
He stares back at Koko blankly, his dull eyes giving away nothing. "Alright."
Koko turns away, and for a moment, he wonders to himself, am I really doing the right thing? He has an overwhelming urge to turn back to Inui, where the blonde is still standing, watching him fade into the distance. Stifling the feeling, Koko straightens and forces his feet to move onwards.
Please look back, Inui half begs, as he stands quietly and watches his childhood friend walk away without him. Please. Just one glance?
Koko never turns back.
-
God, Koko hates himself. Hates how he let himself walk away from one of the most important people in his life, hates himself for never being brave enough to tell Inupi that it was him, it was always him and not Akane that he loved. Akane was long gone. He knows that. He fucking KNOWS that.
He stares at the bright screen of his phone, searing into his eyes, a stark contrast with the darkness around him. 3am. He never really sleeps well after everything that happened with Inupi. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees Inpui, and he hears those words, the ones that never seem to leave his head, nor his thoughts. "WAKE UP, KOKO!! AKANE IS GONE!! AKANE'S DEAD NOW!" Inpui's distraught face, blonde hair framing his tear glazed eyes. Nothing, nothing Koko could do, would ever get that image out of his head.
"FUCK!" Koko suddenly yells, slamming his fist on the pillow next to him. He feels like shit, like a pathetic piece of trash. "Why the hell did I do it?" But as always, he doesn't have an answer.
All his rational thoughts are gone at this point. Koko picks his phone up again and scrolls to his contacts. After all these years, he still hasn't deleted his number. In the dark, his fingers quickly type out a message. "Hey. Can I come around this evening?" His finger hovers over the send button. Koko heaves a sigh and throws his phone away, staring at the ceiling.
As sleep lays its claim on Koko, unbeknownst to him, his arm falls over the phone screen.
Message delivered.
-
*Ping
You have one new message from an unknown number.*
Inui rolls over and reaches for his phone. He picks it up and turns on the screen, wiping the sleep out of his eyes with his other hand. Who's messaging me at this time? He thinks grumpily. 3:37am, he notes. Who the hell even is this? Inui glares at his phone, as if the sender of the message could feel the force of his glare through the connection shared by their phones.
The contact isn't saved, but the message is clear enough. "Hey. Can I come around this evening?" Inui blinks, once, twice. This number.. he wonders. Why is it so familiar?
Oh.
The number is as familiar to Inui as the back of his own hand. Even if he deleted the contact of the one it belonged to, he would never really forget it. The message raises more questions than answers. It doesn't even provide a single answer, actually.
Why now? Why now, so long after they parted ways, after all these years?
Inui feels his throat tighten, tears threatening to spill. He shakes his head and turns off his phone. It's a problem he can deal with in the morning, but sleep doesn't come easy. His mind is flooded with thoughts of him. Koko, the one who saved his life. The one who thought he was saving his sister. The one who Inui has never forgotten, even as the years passed. His heart feels like it's being pummeled as he curls up into the fetal position.* What does he want?* Emotions flood his chest, rendering him unable to get a moment more of sleep.
Morning comes, and Inui stumbles out of bed and into the bathroom. He plants his arms firmly on the sink and stares at his reflection in the mirror. His normally tidy hair is tangled, and there are dark circles under his eyes. I look like a damn mess. Screw you, Koko. Inui thinks. Still messing with me, after all these years.
Ah right, Koko. Now that it's morning, Inui is still at a loss as to what to do about the message. Had Koko been serious? Inui walks back into the bedroom, picking up his phone and powering it on. Might as well make breakfast and get ready for the day like nothing happened, he decides. Maybe it was just a bad dream.
-
"No no no no no NO!!" Koko yells as he paces around his living room, phone in his hand. Staring at the message that he doesn't remember sending. Was last night really that bad? God, I've never gone that far. What panicked Koko further was the fact that under the message, it simply said, Read at 3:37am. Koko falls back onto the sofa and forces out a dry laugh. Not even a reply, huh. But then again, he should have expected that. Quickly, Koko types out another message. "Or do you need time? That's fine. Good morning by the way-"
Koko closes his eyes and hits send before he can change his mind. His heart is pounding, feeling like it's going to leap completely out of his chest. Koko feels like screaming again, the walls pressing in on him and suddenly, the apartment is too small. Way, way too small. He half runs, half stumbles to his wardrobe, pulling out a coat and shoving his keys into his pocket. He hurries out into the cloudy winter morning, breath coming in irregular gasps.
Koko walks down the street, letting his feet guide him. His breath shows in the still air in the form of small clouds, quick and fleeting. The snow crunches under his boots, and as Koko kicks it upwards, following the snow with his eyes, he realises where his feet have taken him.
Oh no no no oh god no oh god no why here why why why-
He's outside Inupi's apartment.
-
Inui stares at the second message, sent at 8:29am. "Or do you need time? That's fine. Good morning by the way-"
Was Koko actually serious about this? Inui stares dumbly at the words on his screen. He doesn't understand. What happened? Why does Koko want to meet all of a sudden, two messages in the spam of 5 hours, more messages he's received in the last 5 fucking years.
His doorbell rings. "Ah," he mutters to himself, "it's probably the new book I ordered." He shrugs on a jacket and quickly combs his fingers through his hair at an attempt to look presentable. Inui hurries to the door and opens it, a half smile on his face as he prepares to greet the delivery man.
The smile drops as he sees who's standing on the other side of the door.
-
Koko was on autopilot mode. His body was not fucking listening to him. His feet were padding slowly up the stairs, hand on the ice cold railing. With each step, Koko can feel his head beginning to pound, his chest heaving with each breath.
Number 206.
He takes a jagged breath. It's now or never. He thinks to himself.
Koko rings the doorbell.
A shrill sound sings through the door, and he can hear Inupi moving behind the door. It seems to take an age to open, but Koko knows it was mere seconds.
Fuck, his hands were sweating like hell.
Inupi opens the door, a half smile plastered on his face, light blond hair slightly falling over his left eye and covering the burn mark. His hand is raised in a half wave, but drops as he catches sight of Koko.
God. He was almost the exact same as he had been, five years ago.
Inupi coughs lightly, breaking the silence between the two. "Is there something I can do for you?" He stands stiffly, hands twitching by his sides.
Koko stares at him. Did I need something? His mind has gone absolutely blank. "Inupi-" he starts. Then his voice cracks. Koko flushes red, trying again. "Inupi, did you get my message?"
Inupi stares lifelessly at him. Were his eyes always that dead? Koko wonders.
"Yes."
Koko starts. "Oh, good. So uh- I was wondering if we could talk?"
-
Don't let him in, do not let him in! Inui begs himself.
He lets Koko in.
"You can put your coat there." Inui points at a coathanger by the door, careful to keep all emotion out of his voice. His mind is a mess, confusion and anger and bewilderment leaping around. He leads Koko into the kitchen, gesturing for him to sit down at the counter where Inui has begun preparing breakfast. "So. What would you like to talk about?"
Koko almost trips over his words, hurrying to get them out. Inui rests his chin in his palms, staring at Koko. He was as pretty as he had been, five years ago, if not even more now. He had grown into all his angles, high cheekbones framed on one side by the fringe he still refused to cut, streaked with white.
He's beautiful-
Inui shoves the thought away. He was not going back down that path. It lead to dangers he wasn't ready to experience again. He had made the mistake of feeling something for Koko, knowning that he would never see anybody but Akane in him. As Koko himself had told him many times, "I'm not into boys."
The kiss in the library begged to differ.
-
"I messed up, Inupi. I know I was the one who ended things but we were young and stupid and god that's just something I just can't let go of. I've been thinking about you non stop, in the past five years. I know it's shitty of me to show up here now, so suddenly but god Inupi I-"
Inupi slides a mug of coffee over to him, his pale eyes unreadable. "Really now?"
Koko can sense something under the monotone voice. Something that sounded like, hurt?
Of course he's hurt, you dumbass. You left him in the dust and threw away your friendship like it was absolutely nothing. You shouldn't even be here right now, why did he even let you in?
Koko fidgets with his hands awkwardly. "I wanted to reconnect. I missed you so much."
"Mmm."
He darts a glance up, noting that Inupi didn't look mad. In fact, his entire face was devoid of emotion.
"Are you sure you didn't just miss Akane?"
It stings. Koko half rises, face heating and heart pounding. "Inupi, we fucking talked about this."
"Ah, did we now? I distinctly remember, when you say we 'talked' about it, it was more of a screaming match. In the middle of a battle between the gangs we chose to side with."
How does he keep such a straight face?
Suddenly, all the fight leaves Koko. "I didn't come here to argue."
"I didn't invite you here."
"Can you shut up for a second?"
"You can't honestly think I want to reconnect with you now. I know you're not that stupid."
Koko grins and sticks out his tongue, a habit that Inpui was always chastising him for. "I can hope, can't I?"
"You can. But I'm not dumb enough to let you take my he-"
"Take your what now?"
-
Fuck. In the heat of the moment, Inui almost let his tongue run awry and said something he shouldn't have. He clamps a hand over his mouth, aware of Koko tracking his every move. I'm not dumb enough to let you take my heart and break it a second time . That was what he was about to say.
Koko is fidgeting again. The cup of coffee sits untouched, cooling. He's silent for a moment, staring at Inui intently, as if waiting for him to speak again. Inui sighs, and sits down next to Koko, turning so that they're eye to eye.
"I know you might want to reconnect now but I'm honestly fine with my life as it is right now. Even if it's without you. I learnt to live without you, and you should too." Since you're the one who fucking left in the first place.
"Please, Inupi." A hand reaches out and cups his cheek.
Inui feels himself stiffen all over. He's transported to another time when Koko touched his cheek like that. "Akane-san... If you saw how I am now... Would you scold me with this look on your face?" He feels frozen in place, unable to move or speak or breathe. Inui glances at Koko's hand- so extremely warm and soft-on his cheek, just under his burn scar.
A finger strays upwards, brushing the edge of the scar. "Inupi.."
Inui doesn't know what is. Going. On. His breath hitches as he catches Koko staring at his lips, then drags his gaze back up to his eyes. Koko holds his gaze as Inui struggles to regain his composure.
Inui grabs Koko's wrist and forces it back down, anger sparking at the ghost of a smirk that flits across Koko's face. This bastard.
"And what do I get out of this if I say yes, huh?" Inui snaps, though he knows full well Koko knows that he's already won.
A smile spreads over Koko's face. "I knew I'd win you over."
"Oh, I wouldn't go that far. You better make this worth my time. Now drink your damn coffee."
-
Koko considers this a win. Unlike the mess he was at Inupi's door, he managed to take control of the situation and at the same time, get Inupi back. He leans back on his chair, studying Inupi's face over the rim of the coffee mug. Dark circles frame his crystal blue eyes, and his hair is slightly tousled. It paints a pretty nice picture, actually.
"So. What do you want to do now?" Inpui looks up, and smirks when he sees Koko staring. Koko is unabashed, and sets the mug down.
"Well, I was hoping we could go to a cafe and have some hot chocolate." He smiles, proud of himself for coming up with that on the spot.
"You didn't plan anything, did you?"
"Well-" Koko's voice rises defensively.
"Calm down, I was just kidding." Inupi smiles at him.
God, that smile. Really makes me want to take his face and-
Koko shakes his head. Inupi's eyes are still fixed on him, as if he can read his mind. "Let's go, then."
-
As they walk along the path, Koko kicks the light snow on the sidewalk.
"Childish as ever, Koko." Inui laughs.
Koko rolls his eyes and sticks out his tongue at him. Turning the corner, there's a small cafe that is, in fact, quite crowded.
The bell on the door jingles as they walk in and take a seat at the very back corner for some semblance of privacy. An attendant walks over with a pad of paper, smiling politely. "What can I get for you today?"
"I'll have a small hot chocolate with lots and lots of whipped cream." Inui glances at Koko.
"I'll have what he's having." Koko smirks again.
"Right away!" The attendant walks away.
There's a bit of an awkward silence. Again. Inui stares at Koko, who is staring out the window wistfully. "What are you thinking about?"
Koko meets his gaze, the smirk still on his face. "Truthfully? You."
Inui splutters and glares at Koko, but is saved from replying by the attendant coming back with their hot chocolate. "Here you are!"
What does he really intend by reconnecting? Inui wonders to himself as he sips the hot drink. He pokes at a marshmallow, watching it bob in his drink. It's snowing lightly again, and Inui can almost, just almost pretend that no time has passed, and that they're just two best friends, spending time with each other.
"So how have you been lately?" Koko sets his cup down and looks at Inui.
"Mmm.. it's been average. I got myself out of the gang scene after you left. Takemichi didn't seem to need me, and I didn't really need him at that point either, so I just left. No reason for me to stay." His unspoken words, without you there with me, hang in the air between them. "How about you?"
"Got myself involved with a gang called Bonten. Led by Mikey again. Still living for money, I guess."
Inui rolls his eyes. "Of course."
He knows they're both thinking about Akane right now. "I uh,"
"Inupi about-"
Inui stops and looks at Koko. We're so out of sync now, he observes. There was a time where the two of them could have almost read each other's minds, but not anymore it seemed. Inui almost laughed.
Inui coughs and says, "You first."
-
Koko stares down at his empty cup, feeling awkward again. He wasn't used to this feeling. "About Akane-" and he can feel the air between them shift, shift to a much more uncomfortable tension. Inupi's gaze is once again unreadable, but Koko takes a deep breath and keeps going. "I don't, uh, actually care for her anymore. It was a stupid childhood crush, you know what I mean?"
God, that sounded bad. Koko could only hope he gets the point across.
Inupi gives him a weird look, like he's trying to figure out what's going on in Koko's head but is failing.
"I see."
"Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that-"
Inupi stands up abruptly. "It was nice seeing you again Koko, but I have to leave now."
Koko winces at his tone, but nods and accepts defeat. Inupi shoots him another indecipherable glance, and walks out the door without another word. The bell rings, signalling his leave.
Silently, Koko gathers his belongings and checks Inupi hasn't left anything behind. A part of him hopes that he has, so that he has an excuse to see Inupi again. Nothing. Koko sighs in defeat, and on his way out, he sees the attendant shoot him a sympathetic smile. Koko tries his best to smile back, but it may have looked weird as the attendant quickly turned away.
-
A day passes, which quickly turns into a week, which quickly turns into two, with no contact from Koko. Inui sighs and continues flicking through his book, but the words on the page don't seem to make sense. Koko had reappeared and disappeared just as fast, and Inui didn't know what to think. What was Koko going to say in the cafe, before Inui decided to leave? He was almost scared of knowing.
The day passed, uneventfully. As Inui sighs defeat for another day, preparing to go to bed, his phone pings. He runs faster than he would have liked to admit to grab it and check the notification.
Meet me at the park, outside my apartment. - Koko
Inui glances at the time. 10:15pm. He groans and grabs a coat and his keys and walks out into the chilly winter night.
Rubbing his hands together, he walks through the night, breath fogging the air. Not long after, he reaches the park where Koko is supposed to be waiting. Inui looks around, but there's no sign of Koko. Rolling his eyes, he shouts, "Koko! Where are you!"
A hand reaches up from behind and covers his mouth. "Shut up, idiot, people will hear you!"
Inui laughs against the hand covering his mouth. "Like I'd care. I'd just beat the shit out of them!"
Koko spins him around to face him. They're standing under a streetlight, and the light illuminates Koko's face in a way that takes Inui's breath away.
He looks stunning.
"Hey, Inupi."
-
Inupi looks happy and shocked and angry all at once. Never knew that dead looking face of his could hold so many emotions at once. Koko thought, and then immediately felt guilty.
"Why did you bring me here?"
The accusation in his voice almost makes Koko feel bad. "Why did you leave me in the cafe so abruptly?"
Inupi glares at him. "Why did you ghost me for two fucking weeks?"
"Ah, mad about that, are we? It's not like you couldn't have, I don’t know, texted me yourself or something." For some reason, it made Koko feel better, riling Inupi up. Like he was disappointing him again, right on schedule.
"Yeah, well, I thought you would at least be nice enough to message me first, seeing as you're the one who wanted to reconnect in the first place."
"Tch, and you go and leave me behind at the cafe. Avoiding that question, are we?" Koko smirks, knowing it'll get Inupi madder.
It works.
Inupi lunges at Koko, swinging his fist. It connects with Koko's jaw with a dull thud, and Koko stares into Inupi's eyes. He tastes the metallic tang of blood in his mouth, but doesn't retaliate. He simply stands there and holds Inupi's gaze.
Inupi sighs, backing up. "Why did you bring me here, Koko? It's late. I don't have time for your bullshit anymore."
"Tell me why you left me at the cafe and I'll answer your question."
Inupi narrows his eyes as he and Koko glare at each other. "I left because I was scared of what you were going to say, okay? I didn't want to hear the rest of it. Yes, I'm a fucking coward but what are you going to d-"
Koko wraps his arms around Inupi, burying his face into the dip where his shoulders met his neck.
-
Inui staggers back, stunned by the sudden contact, his arms flailing. "Koko, what the hell?"
No reply.
Inui's back hits a tree, and that's when he realises. Koko is pinning him to a tree. His breath catches as Koko lifts his head, his eyes red.
"Koko-"
Inui is cut off, once more, but this time by the force of Koko's lips on his own, closing the distance between them in no time. His mouth is warm and gentle, almost hesitant. Inui's heart beats so fast he knows that Koko, who's chest is pressed to his own, can feel it. He's aware of every single part of their bodies that are touching, and he feels like his skin is on fire.
Wait. Was Koko's heart beating that fast too?
Koko quickly draws back and wipes his mouth.
The two stare at each other. Inui flushes deep red and Koko attempts to calm his breathing. Slowly, Koko's eyes move back down to Inui's lips, and Inui wonders what he's thinking. With a sigh, Koko moves back into the light of the streetlight. Inui notes that his lip is still bleeding.
"I'm sorry." Koko mumbles.
Inui starts. Whatever he had thought Koko would say, it definitely wasn't sorry.
"Sorry for what?"
Koko's eyes dart up, searching his face. Inui offers a slight smile, and Koko gives a halfhearted grin in return.
He's so pretty. Inui thinks to himself.
"I should have asked." Koko rubs his hands together and looks away.
Inui almost laughs. "It's alright." He can't help wondering what would happen after tonight. "Though, I thought you said you weren't into boys."
-
Koko tenses. He stares down at his heels awkwardly. "Well, uh, maybe I wasn't telling the complete truth."
Fuck, you're going to ruin your chance.
Tentatively, Koko looks at Inupi. He's beautiful, standing there with his mouth half open, and a smear of blood below his lip. My blood, Koko realises.
"Really now?"
The urge to kiss him again is so, so hard to fight. Koko digs his nails into his palm and forces himself to look anywhere but Inupi's mouth. "Really."
"Wow, I'm flattered. Did I finally make you change your mind?"
Koko chokes out a dry laugh. "Something like that."
"Or is it just because I look too much like Akane?"
"DAMNIT, Inupi, WHY do you keep bringing her UP?" Koko glares at the blond male standing across from him. At some point, Inupi had crossed his arms. "I told you. I'm over her. I know she's dead!"
Inupi winced, barely perceptible, but it was there.
Too far, Koko. She's still his dead sister.
"I just.." Inupi begins quietly. "I can't get over the fact that a part of you might be taking advantage of me because I look like her."
Koko feels his cheeks heat. He had laid awake, for so many nights, questioning the same thing as well. But it wasn't the time to tell Inupi that. "Inupi." He takes a step forward and gently cups his face between his hands.
Are my hands too cold?
Inupi avoids his gaze. "Hey, look at me." A pair of light blue eyes meet his own. "I know who you are. And I know damn well who I just kissed. You're not Akane, you're Inupi. I know that you're not Akane and I don't fucking-"
God, how was he supposed to even say this?
-
Inui holds Koko's gaze, no matter how much he wants to look away. There's something in Koko's voice that makes Inui inclined to believe him.
"I don't fucking care if you're not Akane because, Inupi, I-" Koko stops talking again.
What is he trying to say?
Inui has a pretty good idea of what he thinks Koko is about to say, but he doesn't allow himself that hope. It's dangerous, even after Koko's just kissed him, and Inui still tries to shy away from being hurt again.
"Koko, it's getting late."
Koko drops his hands and sighs in defeat. "What time is it now?"
"12:45am."
"God, more time has passed than I thought."
"You're good at wasting time, it seems."
"Shut up." Koko hesitates for a second, then adds, "Do you want to come back to my place?"
Inui stares at Koko blankly. He- what? "Why? My place is just a short walk away."
"Yeah, but it's late. It could be dangerous." They both know that's a lie. Inui is a brilliant fighter and would be able to defend himself if the need arises. "C'mon, my place is just across the street."
"Alright then."
The two walk side by side, an awkward silence spreading between them. Koko's heels tap on the road as they cross, the only sound in the otherwise silent night.
What if I held his hand? Inui thinks to himself.
Without much more thought, Inui reaches out, grabs Koko's hand and fits his fingers in the dips between Koko's knuckles. He hears Koko inhale sharply, and Inui feels a flash of amusement for having surprised Koko.
-
Inupi's hand is warm, so extremely warm, and when they finally reach Koko's apartment and Inupi lets go, Koko's hand feels annoyingly empty. He fumbles for his keys and lets them in. Flicking the light on, Koko throws his jacket onto the sofa. His apartment is quite small, a living room leading into the kitchen and a small hallway, with a bathroom and a single bedroom branching off. "I uh, haven't cleaned in a while." Koko laughs, turning around.
Inupi has a faint smile on his face. "I see that." He coughs awkwardly. "So where am I supposed to be sleeping? Or have you not given thought to that either?"
Koko freezes. He indeed had not thought of where they would be sleeping. Koko's sofa was barely able to fit two people, let alone have someone sleep on it. "Oh shit." He stalks down the hallway to his bedroom, which is also a huge mess. Clothes are laying everywhere and there's a few mugs too. "I guess we could...share the bed?" Koko smirks as Inupi turns red. God, flirting with Inupi was almost as fun as annoying him.
Inupi takes off his coat and hangs it over a chair. "You should really clean this goddamn mess."
"Yeah, I should, but will I? Don't think so." He walks into the bathroom and stares at his reflection in the mirror. His hair is slightly tangled and he has a busted lip, but it'll be gone soon.
"Stop checking yourself out in the mirror, Koko."
Koko smothers a laugh and splashes some water onto his face. He returns to the bedroom, where Inupi is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at his phone.
"Whatcha looking at?"
Inupi glances up and turns his phone off. "Nothing. Just the messages you sent a few weeks ago."
"Mmm." Koko lies down and drapes the covers over himself, making sure to leave enough for Inupi. He hears the bed creak as Inupi shifts and slides under the covers with him.
-
Inui stares at the ceiling, tired but unable to sleep. Koko snores next to him, and good for him that he's able to fall asleep so easily. The bed is way too small for both of them to sleep comfortably without touching each other, and so far Inui has been able to refrain from any of Koko's limbs touching his. Too much has happened and it's happened all too fast.
The sheets even smell like him.
Koko mumbles something, and Inui catches his own name. So he talks in his sleep, does he? That's cute . Suddenly Koko shifts, and one of his arms wraps around Inui. Slowly, Inui turns so that he's facing Koko. In the darkness, he can barely just make out the features on Koko's face, and he reaches out to touch his hair. Koko sighs, leaning into the touch, and Inui freezes. He gently drapes his arm over Koko's body, feeling the warmth radiate from his body.
After that, Inui is able to sleep.
-
The morning comes all too fast, and sunlight streams through the gaps in the curtains, bathing the pair in warm light.
-
Koko is the first to wake, struggling to get the sleep out of his eyes. He feels a foreign weight over his body, and for a moment he almost panics. Then the memories of the previous night flood his mind and he registers that the weight is in fact, Inupi's arm. He flushes red, glad that Inupi is still sleeping.
He knows he should get up, get ready for his day. He's already overslept, and something tugs at his mind, an important meeting he has today? Koko ignores the thought. He'll be happy as long as he can lie with Inupi for a while longer, hearing his steady breaths and watching him sleep. He wants to remember this moment forever, before it's ripped away from him.
Inupi's eyelashes flutter, his eyes opening slowly. He catches sight of Koko staring at him, and smiles softly. "Hey, Koko."
Koko thinks, so this is what it's like to be loved.