Chapter Text
Saeran had never been a man chasing after anything other than work. Not after money, nor power. Neither of both felt like they're helping him to feel fulfilled. He wasn't very much interested in women either, or anything regarding that subject. For a short while he wondered if he might be gay instead by how little he felt attracted to any of the female Believers back at Magenta, or just the city he's living in now. They're pretty, that's not the question here. But he never got to experience this particular spark that basically everyone else seemed to feel at times.
He watched it happen to his brother when meeting a young female programmer at a convention. And dear God, hopefully that wouldn't happen again. It had been so uncomfortable. Or when Zen started dreaming about women in the chatrooms, having Yoosung all flustered in a similar kind of way. He's glad to have Jumin and Jaehee as a part of the group, they're more like him. The assistant mostly due to her time schedule, yet it's still relieving to know he's not the only one finding such conversations or behaviors weird.
Turned out, Saeran wasn't gay. Or at least not just gay. Because you're clearly a girl and with that, it had been his first time getting a glimpse of this natural attraction lots of people acted on. No matter if in music, wirting, movies or just daily life. He heard there were people who didn't feel any attraction at all, and he genuinely felt sorry for them. The whole world, especially the internet, was filled with it. But one day it just snapped, like someone clicked a hidden, dusted switch in the back of his head. And truth be told, it scared him.
One night, as you're staying at their place before finding a better home to rest in, he ran into you after opening the kitchen door. You met his eyes bewildered, which wasn't the thing that almost made him drop the bowl of strawberry ice cream. It had been the fact you must've just left the shower and forgotten your clothes in your room. Your body had been covered by only a short towel, hair and skin still wet after stepping out with your bare foot on the floor. It dripped off the hair tips under the cool moonlight.
Running over your shoulder and leaving a shiny trace to follow his eyes with. He'd never seen you with that little to cover your body, not to mention by how the water didn't let him feel less flustered, but also having your bright red face staring at him that moment just planted a seed inside of him. Both of you had apologized awkwardly before going back to your rooms, yet Saeran couldn't enjoy his ice cream in peace. All of his head's filled with the picture you presented to him. And with that, it's over. It's too late to get rid of the thoughts that appeared afterwards.
The way he then started to look at you changed drastically. You're still the generous and polite girl from before, however, now that it had been done to Saeran, he began to find more and more that caused these feelings to get stronger inside. He never payed attention to the way your hair fell when you tied it up or opened it again. He never noticed the way your hips shifted weight when standing on mostly one foot. The way your lips shone after you licked over them by how dry they seemed to be. How your eyes shone darker when getting told an even darker joke. Suddenly he's aware of it all.
And shame on him for feeling his cheeks burn up every time. Saeran did his best to ignore anything inappropriate, not letting these thoughts take over his better judgement for the sake of respecting you as a friend. The more he tried to suppress them though, the hotter he felt from the inside when catching himself starring at you. Nothing could save him from the embarrassment that he's doomed to deal with by himself, as he could never share this secret with Saeyoung. He'd rather burned.
Saeran figured he's going to burn regardless, because not only did he began to lose his cool the more you interacted with him, he's pretty sure you noticed that something's odd. Even if it's not due to his behavior, the way you demanded eye contact ever since he catched you coming out of the bathroom spoke walls. However, something felt off with you as well, it didn't seem like you're disgusted or uncomfortable. Nothing about you changed when it came to the little intimacy you shared, on the contrary, the hand of yours looked for his body a lot more after that.
There's tension between the both of you, and even though Saeran didn't know anything about sexual attraction, he did understand that the feeling in the air's not due to negative intentions. It felt almost electric, whenever the two of you managed to maintain eye contact, a shiver ran down his spine just by the look inside your bright iris. There's a new feeling to be detected, something inviting. Like you wanted him to come closer. He'd been clueless though, not sure what to do, let alone say to you. As tempting as it felt, it's even more confusing.
One evening he couldn't take it any longer. The three of you had shared dinner together like everyday. But the way you slowly brushed his shoulder with your fingertips after placing down the salad's the drop to let the barrel explode. He needed to talk this through, as uncomfortable as it sounded. He's going insane with these inner instincts, there's no way he'll bear any more of it without coming off like an total idot. So he breathed through a couple of times when he stood in front of your door, managing a knock with his shaking fist. Hearing your voice muffed on the other side calling him in.
After opening the door he found your room lit with the weak bedside lamp Saeyoung still had laying around from many years ago. Saeran's mint eyes saw you sitting on the bed in your nightwear, having him think about the skin underneath without warning. Shaking off the picture, he closed the door behind him. Having you both in complete privacy, and frankly, Saeran's not sure if that made it easier or just much worse.
"Hey.."
He hated how his voice broke at the edges, revealing that he's overly nervous. Luckily you didn't point it out and instead offered one of the sweet smiles you wore when feeling good.
"Hey Saeran. Something wrong?"
The way you lowered your tone gave off you're probably aware why he came over. But all he could do's swallow the lump blocking his throat from breathing properly.
"Um.. Kinda. Can we talk?"
Not looking very surprised, you nodded as you patted the space on the edge of your bed. Saeran took a moment before sitting down, suddenly feeling so unprepared for any of this. He prayed you wouldn't want him to speak every detail, considering you must've noticed what's going on as well.
"It's.. about the time where I.. bumped into you that one evening."
Your eyes watched him rub his arm over the cream colored sleeve of his sweater. After you put the phone onto the bedside table and gave him your full attention, the air around's much thinner than before.
"Yeah, I figured you would come to me eventually because of it."
"Look, I don't know what's wrong with me, but.."
At least you expected this, meant you probably had words ready and knowing that helped Saeran continue the conversation. How was he supposed to start? What should he say? So many questions but nobody could answer him. His red hair fell chaotically over his forehead, having the bright glassy eyes almost covered.
"It's not your fault, before you say anything."
Your voice startled him, how serious you sounded. As Saeran met your gaze, he found himself captivated by the certain glitter of the things you showed on your face.
"I'm sorry for being acting weird myself. I.. I touched you a lot lately, I know that. I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable by coming here."
Having your words see straight into his head had been close to scare him more than having address the situation. You sighed then, looking down to your blanket while playing with the soft fabric between your fingers.
"I didn't mean to be so touchy, I feel really bad for doing that without ever asking for premission.. And I'm sorry for invading your personal space like that.. I stop, I promise."
Your eyes wandered over the bed, avoiding his at all costs with a deep red blush due to shame crawling over your cheeks. Even though you seemed to be truthful, something inside your face shifted like you're trying to hide away a particular secret. Saeran didn't know what to say, as he didn't expect you to give him such a big apology without even having him say anything. His own face started to burn when his eyes found the floor. The silence hanging in the air's the last thing the younger Choi thought he's in need of dealing with. He knew you're trying to keep your word and that everything you said was true, it always had been.
You never lied to him before, nor did you play emotions since you knew how much he detested being treated like a porcelain doll. But hearing you promise to not touch him anymore wasn't something he hoped to receive when coming to you.
"Actually.. I wanted to talk about this differently. But thanks for the concern."
He watched your brows frown. Not sure how to get his feelings into words, Saeran silently cleared his very dry throat.
"You know, ever since I met you that evening, I.. I can't stop thinking about you."
The younger Choi's aware that coming straight to the point would prevent miscommunication. Which he couldn't afford in such a heavy conversation. Before you're able to say anything, he pressed his fingers into his upper arm with more strength.
"I never felt this way before and.. When you started to touch me more afterwards, I figured you feel the same."
Saeran dared to let his eyes take a glimpse of your facial expression, seeing that pretty pink color rushing up into your ears really was a sight. He pinched his eyes close for a moment, finding the words in such a short time's a big challenge to him.
"And, well.. I can't fucking delete this picture inside my head. I never felt attraction before, it's.. quite new to me."
It shocked even himself by how straightforward he could be with this. Maybe since he held these words back for a while now, or maybe just because the longing for you grew with every day to become undeniable. No matter what it was, it helped to be open about his feelings. Or whatever's going on inside of him. It wasn't Saeran's intention to sound so frustrated, but it's exactly what's swelling up in his chest, he never thought it could become that intense. Defeated by how stupid he found his behavior, the younger Choi gave himself a facepalm.
"I'm sorry.. This must be so uncomfortable for you, I shouldn't have.. said anything."
There's a sudden weight pulling on his chest, like his heart's sinking down and he's not even sure what it meant. Maybe he shouldn't have come to you. Maybe he should have dealt with this alone to not get you in such a suffocating position.
"Forget what I said. I'll leave you alone."
It's not what he wanted to do, but figured's the right decision to make. He couldn't imagine how weird it must've been for you after living together for so long and all the stuff that happened in the past. This might have been selfish to do. As he stood up from the bed to drown in regret behind his own walls, your hand grabbing his let his breath hitch. Before he could think any further, your eyes met his. And for some reason they panicked.
"Wait-! Wait, don't go.. Tell me more about it, please."
You catched him off guard by the urge in your voice. Saeran's glare was torn between the door and your hand for a good moment before he slowly sat down again. This time, your hand never left his, the contact felt so nice in a brand new way. A way that got him excited.
"Tell you what..?"
He's scared to spill the wrong secrets into your face, which brightened up when he accepted your request.
"About that attraction. What does it do to you..?"
The heat of his cheeks ran down onto his shoulders in no time, voice a pitch too high when feeling almost cornered. Saeran's heart slipped into his pants then.
"What!? Are you serious?"
"No! Don't be– I can start if you want! Because.. I feel the same way."
He couldn't help but stare into that embarrassed albeit cute face of yours, the combination harmonizing so well together. Saeran made a fist to press it against his knee, just something to focus on other than his heart hammering behind his rib cage. As he managed to nod, you inhaled sharp.
"After you saw me that evening, I.. I started to feel heated under your stare."
The words of yours coming to a hold in order to catch your breath, seemed like this wasn't any less difficult for you.
"A-And I wanted to know.. How far I could go. So I started touching you more. I like touching you a lot."
The shy smile on your face paired with your eyes watching him from underneath your eyelashes, Saeran didn't even noticed he leaned in. You're so pretty. And what you revealed to him caused the fire inside to grow hotter by the second. It spread through all his veins. Nerve-wracking, but too good to deny.
"You like touching me..?"
The question stood in the air a moment too long before you confirmed it by nodding. Saeran let go of the breath he didn't know he held the entire time. Something in the back of his head urged him to act on these words. It's so untypical for him, perhaps all the years of denying attraction spilled over now. He read about something similar before. Thoughtful to not frighten you, Saeran took your hand that lay above his to hold it between his two palms instead. You eyed his gesture before licking your lips again.
Saeran really liked when you did that. Yet he decided to focus on letting his fingers wander until they held your hand only at the sides, able to see the soft skin of the back from your hand.
"Like that?"
In need of clearing his throat again as his voice came out rough. Your shoulders tensed up by the question, yet you just hummed. Saeran hesitantly took one hand off to let his fingertips stroke over your wrist, going all the way down to your own tips. It's such a simple touch, but the younger Choi burned alive due to it. He couldn't get enough of it.
"I like touching you as well."
When he watched your face, he couldn't help the longing. You're so pretty when giving him such a look, something between embarrassment and desire. He figured that's what it is, or at least he hoped so.
"Can I touch your face?"
Saeran thought about your request for a moment, would he be okay with that kind of intimacy? He's very much touch starved, so this might turn out to be a lot more to handle than possible. However, how could he not want you to touch him? Giving it a try wouldn't hurt. He knew you'd stop only when he asked.
"Sure.. You can do that."
He let go of your hand as you invited him to come closer by patting the space beside you. Saeran accepted the invitation then and was soon much closer to your face, he could actually see the pattern in your eyes that way. The smile on your face intrigued him, so when you rushed your knuckles over his heated cheek, all he did was sigh satisfyed. It felt so good to have you close like this.
"You have soft skin."
The words whispered against his face, having him blush a shade deeper. And maybe boil inside harder as well. A little hum's all he gave, thankful that you didn't push him to answer and just continued. Your fingers lay flat on his cheeks then, running down until they could push up his chin. Saeran closed his eyes midway, he needed to cherish that moment, who knew when he would get the next opportunity to feel this unfamiliar affection.
"You have soft hands."
The small giggle of yours caused his heart to bleed. He flinched slightly after you pushed his red hair away to reveal all of his forehead, having him open his eyes again. You shook your head amazed.
"You're so pretty.. I love your face, Saeran."
"Thanks, I love yours more."
Not sure where the confidence came from, he adored the way you held back laughter by pulling in your lips. You continued to run your hands over his face, letting go of the hair to cup his cheeks instead. Only then he realized how close you were.
"Can.. Can I kiss you? If you want to?"
Time came to a standstill, having Saeran completely messed up inside his head, so many thoughts flying around, he's about to have a headache due to it. As he noticed the panic crawling back over your features, he stopped thinking just as fast.
"Yeah, you can."
There's no time to question anything that's happening between the two of you as Saeran could feel your breath on his lips. With your eyes closed, just an inch away from his face, he found himself craving more of your touch. More of you. The way you titled your head for him to initiate the kiss sparkled a flame inside of his chest, leaving no room to back away when closing the gap in between. Saeran never kissed someone before, there's no telling if he did it correctly or not. But by the way your lips moved against his almost experimental, he leaned forward to take an hold of your shoulders.
The hunger that filled him frightened as much as it excited him. After he took distance, your face appeared different. More familiar, more lovely if he had to describe it.
"Can I kiss you again?"
"Sure.."
You smiled, having his chest start hammering again. This time, he titled his head as well, feeling your lips on his even better than before. There's something about the soft skin of yours, the taste from your toothpaste that slipped into his mouth. Your sent that filled the entire room alongside his senses, he fears getting knocked over by the sensation.
"Hah.. Wow.."
Saeran felt so high when pulling away again, fingers digging into your shoulders to make sure you couldn't escape his grip.
"Did.. Did you ever kiss someone?"
Saeran shook his head as you asked, leaning in to have his forehead pressed against yours. The idea of pulling away until your warmth's gone suddenly felt like the most horrible thing ever. Your fingertips found their way back onto his cheek, slowly stroking over it to have his head spin even harder.
"Oh.. Neither did I. This is new to the both of us, then.."
Confused by your words Saeran pulled away to give you a narrowed, almost suspicious gaze.
"You didn't?"
He felt proud for an unexplainable reason when seeing you shake your head. It let him feel like he claimed something, it's a weird thought to make. But not far away from reality. As you stoked a strand of hair behind your ear, the younger Choi had the urge to kiss you again.
"What now? Do you want to.. continue?"
A question he'd been asking himself ever since he leaned in to kiss you. As he gave it some thought, he realized some things.
"I'd like to.. Can I be honest with you?"
"Of course you can. You don't ever have to be scared, I will never judge you."
Having you between his hands let you appear smaller than you actually were, but he liked that view of yours. He smiled slightly by how grateful he felt for the things you assured him evey time. You knew what to tell him, how to handle him. Not even Saeyoung managed to provide him this kind of care, he felt like he's talking to an angel when having a conversation with you. Almost too good to be true. Saeran's eyes dropped back to the bed, too nervous to watch your reaction.
"I wanted to have you close for a while now.. It's.."
He scratched his neck to numb down some nerves. It's not easy to spill guts with the tension of something hot in the air. Yet Saeran found the courage to be honest, and it's thanks to you.
"I want more than.. touching. Cuddling. Whatever friends do. Ha, this is really hard to say.."
His insecurities died when you placed a hand back onto his cheeks to bring him face to face, having him see the wanting look inside your eyes. Taking his breath for a moment.
"I just.. I want you. Is it bad? I'm sorry if it is.. I'm not trying to ruin things. I'm sorry for saying this."
He couldn't help the apology cutting off the words he wanted to say. But the fear of crossing a line and freak you out ate his soul like a disease. Saeran didn't want to fuck up the most important friendship in his life, the first he ever made after leaving Mint Eye. He didn't want you to feel pressured, nor that you had to take distance by the things he felt towards you. Or push yourself into a situation you didn't want to be in. There's so much that could go wrong, for the thousandths time ever since entering the room, he wondered if he should've just shut up instead. Your hand continuing to stoke over his cheek didn't quite match up with his apprehension as you giggled out of breath.
"You don't ruin anything, Saeran. I'm glad that you feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth."
Having you treat his confession as an achievement felt undeserved, he took it to heart regardless. Your eyes scanned his whole face, nerve giving him a chance to calm his nerves down. The last time someone payed such attention to his facial expression had been a rather unhappy experience.
"I'd like to do that with you as well."
Not only did his heartbeat increase by your agreement to try out these new feelings, deep down a long testing worry died thanks to your open show of acceptance. Wanting the same as he did, feeling the same kind of need that got you into this position in the first place. Now that he had your consent to try, he's unsure how to continue. With his body basically dying due to adrenaline, his head ran as fast by all these thoughts filling the silence
"We can take it slow if you like. If you're not ready yet, we can just.. try another time."
Saeran scratched the sweat on his temple away, there's a little conflict inside his head. He wanted to continue, for so long actually it'd be a lie to say he's in need of more time for preparation. Yet he's scared to seem desperate, having you push yourself after all even if it's mutual. It didn't imply having you not rush things when he's going too hard right away. You pulled him closer, face just an finger length away from yours with his body following until he's sitting on the mattress by your side. The heat of your body's familiar, at the same time something new to him.
"Saeran, don't think too much.. Do and say whatever comes to your mind. Because.. If you do that, then I can as well. And we try things out together."
The smile in your voice's what managed to help Saeran out of his shell. That to be the case would be too perfect to be true, he decided to give it a try and see how far things could be taken. How many feelings were there to discover. As long as you're not leaving his side, Saeran knew he could bear anything. With care he grabbed your hands to take them off his face, it's too hot to be held anymore.
"I'd– I want to try.. really. I want to be close to you."
The small chuckle of yours send another shiver down into his spine, having him even more excited than he already was. When scanning your eyes, all he could find what the bright shimmer filled with happiness. That's a big relief.
"I want that as well.. So, how about we continue and see where we end up? Does that sound okay?"
Saeran registered only half of the sentence since he already leaned back in for another kiss. This time he felt more confident in his action after talking it out, knowing you're both on the same terms again. It's an amazing rush of boldness. You smiled against his lips, he could feel it and had him blush another shade of red. Saeran let his hand run over your cheek until it's tangled into your hair, titling your head the way he wanted, have you as close as possible. The kiss lit him up from the inside, he could tell due to his body slightly trembling when finding the courage to pull away to lick over your lips.
He'd seen people kiss in the past, back at Magenta or just in movies. It always had been uncomfortable, he never thought these memories would come handy one day. Tasting the little cracks on your lips made him aware why you always licked over them yourself. A small sigh left you after he did, Saeran placed his thumb on your chin to give you an more obvious signal. This time you understood when he licked over them again, you opened your mouth for him. It surprised the younger Choi so much when you met his tongue with yours, he pulled away completely by accident.
"Did– You didn't like it?"
"What? No-! It just surprised me.. Sorry."
The mumbling got interrupted with you pulling him back, having his skin hit yours. The feeling of your tongue brushing past his lips to touch his made him wonder if that's what it felt like to be drunk. All of his head began to spin by the wet albeit warm tongue of yours running over his again, so confident even though you're as inexperienced as him.
"Hmm.."
These little sounds coming from you got some affect on him, wanting more. So much more, it scared Saeran. When you let him in closer to taste your teeth, all he could think about was your sent. Taste and smell, every little thing occupied his system without mercy. After you pulled away to breath in air, Saeran ignored the fire in his lunges. The one inside his vein's far more lovely. Not sure how to stop anymore, he hesitated before giving you a kiss on the cheek.
"Hehe.."
Your laugh encouraged him to go lower, having a taste of your jaw and the shape under his lips. With your skin softer than any fabric, it's hard to get an hold of himself.
"You have a wonderful touch, Saeran."
The compliment let his heart bleed more than before. His mouth wandered down slowly until it came in contact with your neck. How your body flinched and the breath stayed stuck in the back of your throat's delightful, he knew it's tingling since the neck's an sensitive area.
"Hm.. You're very soft when I touch it."
A shaky huff on your part before Saeran dared to place his hands onto your waist, a part of your body he'd been looking at an ridiculous amount of time.
"You.. want to crawl over me, m-maybe?"
No need to ask him twice. Saeran never left your neck when finding a position above your body. Your temperature raised against his lips, but he couldn't stop exploring. It felt so good and the sounds of yours robbed his sanity.
"Can I bite you?"
By your bewildered sound, you didn't expect him to ask something like that. Saeran just really want to, he could feel his mouth water up by the thought and even though that's probably gross, he couldn't help but crave to.
"Sure, but please not too deep."
The way you phrased it had him feel like he's a vampire about to have dinner. Saeran closed his eyes when stroking the hair behind your ear again. When he first licked over the crock of your neck, a gasp escaped your lips. But then a whimper followed after he sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of yours. He's careful, the last thing he wanted was to hurt you. Saeran breathed heavily after pulling away, seeing the spot covered with a very brief bite mark colored in red. The more he did to you, the harder it felt to keep things under control.
As if he's some kind of animal, which, to be fair, might not be as wrong as it sounded. You placed a hand around his neck to brush the hair there, giving him a shudder by the sensation.
"You.. like to bite? W-Why am I not surprised."
"I don't know.. If I can continue this."
The air around changed drastically. He couldn't make eye contact now, the younger Choi wouldn't be able to finish what he's trying to get across. Your hand wandered down until it stroked his back for comfort. The ability to breath's easier when having you close, have you take care of him in the small ways he preferred. Saeran didn't need pep-talks or over-dramatic pity. He just wanted people to be considered, and that's exactly what you were.
"We don't have to if you don't want to, you know that."
As he shook his head, you swallowed a giggle by his hair tickling the bare skin.
"That's not the issue.. I really want to continue, it's just.."
You put both arms around him until he's defeated and sat down in your lap. He's taller than you, so the position must've appeared hidious from the outside perspective, you wished you could take a photo.
"What's the problem then? You want to talk about it?"
"I feel like.. If I continue.."
Saeran returned the hug to hold you close, he could feel your fast heartbeat that way. After trying to clear his throat he nuzzled closer against your body. You could tell he's getting frustrated with himself for not finding the words, that's why you hushed him to breath through. And he did, Saeran took the air in to have his voice being more than a pathetic pile of nothing.
"I'm gonna lose my mind. I'm scared.. I'll.. I'm scared I hurt you."
The thought caused him to become extremely self-aware. Saeran had never been a person for patience, for gentle touch and care in general. He's not very familiar with limits of other people, as his always had been pushed over the edge. For all he knew, the younger Choi could end up losing his control and put you through pain. And he didn't want that. Never again. His blush became a pretty pink when kissing the side of his head that's reachable for you.
"That's nothing to worry about, Saeran."
He couldn't help but frown by that, because you knew exactly what he's capable of. What kind of monster lurked underneath the layer of insecurities. How rough he could act, it should concern you as much as it concerned him.
"How can you say that..? You know I'm.. not always good at keeping my composure."
"I'm not made out of glass. I can handle everything, just like.. I can handle all of you. You should know that."
The words straight up pierced through his heart, he hated how they had him tear up. And he's able to tell that such intimacy's going to force him to lose it once more. However, you continued to give him little kisses, reassuring him in some way.
"I don't know.. I feel like I'm going to hurt you when losing control over my actions."
His words sounded like they're from a script of a movie, yet he's not joking at all. The influence of the drug might be out of his system, but the tendency to give into instincts was still deep rooted inside of him.
"I trust you."
Three words, simple to speak, easy to understand. They managed to get Saeran cry some of the tears that threatened to run regardless. God, who was he to deserve you. The young man with red hair digged his nails into your nightwear, pulling at the fabric to make sure he wouldn't start crying like a baby. Grinding his teeth to numb the sobs. Your hand felt pleasantly warm on his cooled cheek, the water running over them took away some heat.
"I mean it, Saeran. I trust you wholeheartedly. Just like you can trust me.. We'll be fine. We figure it out together."
How should he ever win when you said such things, words he never received before. Care he never felt before. Trust he didn't have to earn by proving anything. You just accepted him for who he was, however you mastered that, and Saeran never had been more grateful to another person in his life. He took another deep breath, giving your shirt the space to let the wrinkles disappear.
"Okay.. Alright, I trust your judgement. I trust you too."
"I'm happy that to be the case.. What do you wanna do next?"
As he thought about it for a moment, Saeran decided to kiss your neck again. The sigh of yours gave him premission, filled with satisfaction in a way it let his blood boil back up. Saeran opened his mouth experimentally to press his tongue against a particular weak spot under your left ear. The whine you gave in response had him groan without meaning to. But he could feel how it made your arms weak, there's something submissive about that action. And he liked it a lot. Saeran parted his lips a second time, he wanted to try something different.
"Hah-!"
Both your hands grabbed his shoulders when he sucked on your skin, tasting it so well he's filled with nothing else.
"Oh G-God.."
Your reflex tried to push him away first, but it just intrigued Saeran to get closer. He first didn't notice when your head hit the pillows again, too busy to try how hard he could suck and have your body tremble underneath his own. You bit your lip when he left that spot to mark another. And another. Suddenly Saeran couldn't stop sucking on your neck, from the start of your jaw all the way down to your collarbone. The way you squirmed and whined got him worked up in no time.
"Fuck, Saeran.."
Hearing his name in that blissful tone of yours made him grab your wirsts without warning. Your eyes were wide as he lifted his face back up, his vision's shifting from surrealism to reality, like he's unable to tell what is what.
"Can I take off your nightwear?"
The pure shock that rushed over your face's priceless. You pressed your head further back into the pillow, revealing more of your neck that way and Saeran's so close to leave marks all over a second time.
"You can if you promise you.. don't judge me. And i-if you do, please be.. gentle. With your words."
You added quickly, cheeks becoming red with a new wave of shame. Saeran stared at you for a good moment before raising an eyebrow, which you didn't see considering you avoided his eyes successfully.
"I would never insult or shame on your body, (N). I like you too much to do that."
Now it's your turn to tear up when he found the right words, it took weight off his shoulders.
"Promise?"
Saeran leaned down to give you a little kiss to the lips.
"I swear."
"Okay then, thank you."
You lifted your body for him to get an hold of the fabric, it didn't take long until it's pulled over your head and unable to cover your body anymore. By all the thinking, Saeran forgot that you were about to go to bed, which meant you didn't wore anything underneath the thin nightwear. Only panties, to be specific. He wasn't prepared at all to have you almost naked right away.
"I–"
At a loss for words, Saeran couldn't stop staring at you, no matter how hard he tried to look away to give you time and adjust to be bare. But dear God that wasn't in his power to change, not by how absolutely breathtaking you looked. Especially with the moonlight lighting up your curves, bones that poked out from underneath the skin, just all of it.
"God.. This is very embarrassing!"
You thew both arms up to cover your chest and hide your face inside the palms, only then Saeran's able to form sentences.
"Wait-! No, I was just– You're pretty! I was, um.. Shit."
"You think I'm.. pretty? Really?"
You poked an eye out between your fingers and it's the most adorable thing Saeran had ever seen, it helped to calm his nerves and nod. He cursed himself for panicking by the fear you thought he's secretly judging you after all.
"Yeah, of course. You're.. beautiful."
More than a whisper wasn't possible when revealing what he thought of you. As you continued to eye him for any lie to be detected, the younger Choi thought of a way to prove it.
"Here, I can show you. Let me.."
He slowly sat back down, straddling your hips before touching the skin on your belly. The way your entire body shrugged showed how new this was to you as well. Saeran kept his eyes on the work he's doing, taking both hands to have them flat on your waist. He let them stroke over your sides for a moment before going upward, he liked how your ribs were feeling under his touch.
"See..? I like your body. I wouldn't touch it if I didn't."
With hopeful glass eyes he looked back at you, trying to give a gentle smile to let you feel safe. Uncertain that's enough proof, he sighed the thick air. Thankfully you pulled your hands off the pretty face that you owned.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I was just.."
"No, don't apologize. It's normal, it's natural. You're doing.. great."
The last part came without thinking, only when he already said half of it he registered the words. But it didn't seem to bother you, if anything, you seemed effected by it in a good way.
"Thank you. It means a lot to me when you say that."
Saeran smiled by that, nobody ever seemed to care over his words more than you, it gave him a certain kind of power. One he would never ever abuse or betray. He let his hands wander again, feeling the goosebumps when coming in contact with your underwear.
"Can you take you arms away? I want to.. see.. you."
Saeran gave a quiet thank you as you placed both hands back beside your head, the way your hair fell made you appear so much softer than you already were. You're truly beautiful.
"(N), do you mind.. if I.."
It's hard to express the needs he never had before. But you seemed to understand, considering you took one of his hands to touch your breast.
"Careful, okay? That's a sensitive p-part of me."
Saeran nodded, feeling the heat not only numb his brain but also make his pants uncomfortable at this point. He'd tried to ignore it for the whole night, but it started to require attention, his desire to take you grew with every second.
"You're.. soft. If I can say that. Honestly.. I don't know what I can say and what not."
His minty eyes narrowed in slight concern. He shook his head embarrassed, earning a giggle.
"That's alright, I'm not quite sure myself.. Say whatever comes to your mind. I do it too."
You acted genuine, so he trusted he could say whatever he wished to. The breath of your's cut off sharply when Saeran used more pressure to squeeze a bit, not sure what to do at all. But you felt so soft and nice wherever he touched, he couldn't imagine it to become better. Was that even possible? He leaned back down to give your shoulder a kiss. Your body moved under his lips when he wandered down over the start of your chest. He assumed you stopped breathing for a moment when your chest stayed still, it then made your back ache when he sucked on your breast. The movement had been so sudden, yet Saeran couldn't bother.
"Hah.. Ah!"
You moaned softly when he licked over your sensitive skin, it made him frown absent-minded when your hand took hold of some of his hair.
"Stop stop, oh my god.."
You breathed loudly when he did what you asked, both your eyes met and you almost whined by the dark look inside of them.
"Did I hurt you..? Did you not like that?"
You shook your head, trying to catch your breath from such a strange sensation.
"No, it feels r-really good.. Just a bit.. A bit too much."
"Oh. Too much, you say?"
Saeran didn't know what's going on, but when hearing you say that all he wanted was to just do it even harder. Like he wanted to push your limits, he's unsure how okay that would be.
"I like that."
Before you could question, he leaned back down to suck on the other breast as well, having you almost jerk up from the bed.
"Wh– Fuck! Saeran, h-hey.. Ah.."
Your fingers pulled on his red hair, but it just added oil to the flame, he liked the feeling a tad too much. The vibration of your swallowed moans caused his legs to shake a long moment. Right before you're unable to take any more of it, Saeran stopped to let his mouth wander down even further. All of you trembled from that intense experience, but if you wouldn't have said it's amazing you'd lie. Not able to find the words, you suppressed another whine when he touched your inner thigh with his fingertips.
"I'm sorry (N)."
The sudden apology catched you off guard, but the way his eyes reflected it got you back into the moment.
"I'm being.. careless already. I knew this is a bad idea. Maybe we should.."
Saeran didn't want to end that sentence, but it might have been for the better. He never did anything regarding such intimacy. He did know, however, how important patience and consent was. And pushing limits that early's nothing other than a red flag, he figured. It was his fault, it always had been.
"Saeran, hey."
You gained his attention by lifting your leg against his back, getting to see the care inside your eyes so clearly. The calm you provided him's a gift he didn't deserve.
"I feel really good.. If I really want you to stop, you'll realize the difference. I like this.. Please continue if you want to. I want to."
The younger Choi didn't know how a person so great could like him in any way, it didn't feel real. It didn't feel like it's meant for him. But he accepted it, what else could he do, so instead of starting to argue he went back to kiss your abandoned. You exhaled slowly when his hand touched your tight again. He liked the way it twitched by his touch.
"Fuck, you make me so hot."
The voice of his had a dark aura when reaching your ears, having you place a hand back over your eyes to avoid tears from spilling by the overwhelming fact Saeran was so close. Was touching you like that, how did you deserve that.
"I feel like.. You're g-gonna make me feel even hotter."
"Is that okay?"
It surprised you when he spread your legs to get between them. He asked after kneeling down, you could only stare at him. That position, to see him from that angle made your back ache slightly.
"I.. You're killing me. You know that?"
His bright albeit dark glowing eyes widened at your words, he could tell you're not being mean. The way he scanned your body from head to toe got you nervous all over again.
"You're the one.. making me insane. I don't know what's worse."
The confession made you rub your legs against at each other. They couldn't though with his body in the way. You then noticed a detail that might had to be changed.
"Hey.. Can you.. undress a bit as well? Please?"
Saeran lifted his hand aimlessly for a moment, the same insecurities scratching on his inner walls, you knew. That's why you offered your own hand to him, which he took.
"What you told me goes for you too. I will never judge your body, I like you too much to do that."
Saeran stared at his hand placed in yours, something inside the younger Choi's face changed to a brighter emotion. The respond to your assurance had been taking off his shirt. Without a word or warning, it came so unexpected you couldn't stop staring once it's off his body. Saeran's a handsome young man, he's so pretty it's unfair. The chest of his as pale as the rest of his skin, slight red shade from the blood rushing with adrenaline. His shoulders looking so tense, yet the muscles underneath that stood out made up for it.
"You're.."
Although he's good looking, the tattoo on his upper arm catched you attention the most. You already forgot he had it, by how often he covered it up. But it's big, well done regardless, that's a fact worth to acknowledge. Saeran realized what you're staring at soon and quickly lifted his hand to cover it again.
"I'm sorry. That.. I can't take it off. I can't hide it. I.."
All of him twisted with pain, it let your heart sink with the same kind of hurt. You sat up to cup his cheeks before he could drift into old nightmares.
"Saeran please look at me."
The minty eyes now back to being glass, so fragile it's showing that he could break down any moment. The wrong look, or just the wrong tone of voice and he'll end up bathing in past agony. You knew Saeran well, you'd seen it happening too often.
"I like you. I like all parts of you. It's just.. ink. Nothing more."
He didn't pull away when you let one hand run until you're able to stroke his upper arm, the tattoo. His face appeared drained now, you wished to change it back to the power he usually held onto. It took a moment, a while where the two of you just sat across from each other to breath in the air of the night. But you're fine with it, if Saeran needed time to recover or sort thoughts out, you'll give it all to him. Whatever he needed, you would make sure he could have it.
"It's a reminder, actually."
His voice steady, with his eyes speaking otherwise. He let his stare wander over the duvet again.
"And I fucking hate it. I hate that.. you know what it is. Because I'm the asshole who dragged you into the chaos to begin with."
The words shocked you to the bone with your mouth hanging open wide. Did you understand correctly? Did he really just say that? Was that how he thought of himself and you, all of your relationship? You couldn't help but let the slight frustration flow into your words.
"How can you say that?! Do you know how grateful I am I met you?"
Saeran turned his head away, even when you got a hold of his neck. Your frown was deep enough to hurt, what hurt the most though was the fact he still blamed himself for things that had never been his fault. Saeran shook his head, red hair falling over his mint colored eyes, which still avoided yours.
"And I still don't understand why you would be grateful for something like that. I've.. been the bad guy, you know that."
His hissing's a sign for him to becoming defensive, it's easy to read Saeran after two and a half years. You let go of him, instead you pushed him until he could sit on his butt. Quickly to prevent him from complaining, you sat down in his lap. With your lips on his left upper arm. You kissed the dark colored skin there. Once, twice, multiple times until the spot felt hot under your lips. Luckily the younger Choi didn't say anything. After you're done, you pressed your forehead against it.
"You're as much of a victim as we had been back then. I don't understand why you think I would blame you.."
You turned your head up to see his face become bright red again, he opened his mouth, yet you're faster.
"If I would blame you, we wouldn't sit here."
Silence followed your statement. He knew he couldn't doubt that, nor argue over it. That you sat almost naked in his lap spoke for itself. It let you feel secure when he put his arms around you.
"Thank you. It.. I'm sorry for ruin the fun, mood.. whatever."
"You didn't ruin anything. Here, let me return a favor."
You smiled as an idea popped into your head. Finally he met your glare, the way he then started back with half lidded eyes showed he's aware you're onto something. Saeran's breathed hitched when you kissed his neck with your hands rubbing over his shoulders. His body tensed under your lips, tracing the artery on his neck that pounded like a drum. The taste of his skin's intoxicating. Saeran's at a loss for words, not sure what to name the every growing pressure inside of him when touching your skin and feel your mouth on his neck.
"Hey.."
He swallowed the thick lump that prevented him from breathing properly, your big doe-eyes shone so bright when looking up into his, for a second he forgot what to say.
"Can we maybe.. um.."
Unsure how to phrase it correctly, your small smile grew into a wide one, gifting your whole to light up like the sun. Saeran never catched himself being such cringe inside his own head, at least now he could comprehend why romance movies did all this cheesy shit. Your hands robbed the words he tried to get across, running over his heated chest where the skin's even more sensitive. Saeran's what people would describe as touch starved, his brother once told him, it made sense for everything to feel twice as intense.
It also let his head spin twice as fast when your hands ran down until they could take a hold of his waistband.
"You want to spend the night together, right? Is that what you wanted to say?"
Slightly embarrassed for being called out, the red haired nodded, earning another kiss on the shoulder. Your lips were going to be the death of him.
"I'd like to.. But just so you know. I never.. I never did it before."
The heat inside his body's growing unbearable, just like the tight space in his pants that you're probably able to feel but luckily didn't point out to spare him any further uncomfortable conversations. But the confession of yours felt somehow surreal. Saeran ran his hands up and down your back, feeling you shiver whenever he touched a sensitive spot and hear you sigh right beside his ear when going back up.
"I didn't do it either.. Why didn't you?"
He closed his eyes when you stroked your hand through his hair. The moment you gave it a slight pull to get his face back against yours, he learned something brand new about himself. He liked that feeling a lot.
"Don't know.. Never met the right person. I wanted to wait for the right moment."
That's what a lot of people did, Saeran once learned that from a pep-talk Yoosung had with Zen in a chatroom. Saeran leaned down to taste the sweet sent of yours on his lips again, the sound you made when he pressed his tongue against it encouraged him to pull you as close as possible. Touching your chest with his felt incredible, he started to doubt he's gonna survive all these new discoveries. You let one hand tug on his pants before opening them, it immediately had his pulse shoot trough the roof.
"I want to ask you why as well. But I think.. I already know why."
Saeran didn't know what he'd done to deserve such a perfect person sitting in his lap, you knew what to say and not to ask just by memory now. He's endlessly grateful for the passion you put into him.
"Yeah, thanks."
Words almost cut off as he gasped loudly by the feeling of your hand going into his pants. Saeran bit down onto his lip when feeling your palm come in contact with his erection, just the layer of the boxers in the way. He swore he's about to die from the sensation, nothing he ever felt's close to the pleasure it brought him just by such a simple touch.
"Oh god.."
That's different from when he touched himself, it felt so much better with your delicate soft hand creating friction that pleasurable. The pressure from it was addicting, he'd never felt anything like it before. You could tell the wet spot in his underwear's where the tip was, making you wonder how he would feel in your hand instead.
"Can I go a layer further?"
No need to ask him twice when he nodded. After you pulled your hand out to get back in without the boxers in the way, a high pitched moan escaped Saeran's lips by the contact.
"Fuck, that feels good.."
The skin on skin, yours slightly colder since he's so hot down there, sending a shiver down his legs. His head hit the wall when trying to breath through, but it's almost impossible with your thumb touching the tip. The precum made it wet, you liked the view of him at the moment. His eyes closed, shoulders moving with his chest to breath deeply and the clouded face of his, filled with red color and sweat.
"I like touching you, Saeran."
The answer laying on his tongue, instead he held back a groan when your hand went all the way down to his shaft. It startled you when his back jerked forward after doing it.
"Careful– Shit.."
He grabbed your arm to get you to an hold, Saeran really needed a moment to get used to the feeling. You chewed on the inside of your cheek a moment, seeking his eyes for any discomfort before giving him that particular grin. He knew you're about to place another idea into his brain, which left him even more excited.
"Can you do it yourself? So I know.. what to do later on."
The words shoot another wave of blood down his chest, but the idea of you watching him touch himself somehow's a turning on thought. Might be due to the arousal his embarrassment died down.
"Sure.. Just get off for a-a second so I can take my pants off."
You nodded before crawling back, giving him a good sight of your body for a moment and have his cock throbbing in respond, that's also a new discovery. Saeran's shaking hands opened the pants up before pulling them down, they ended up somewhere on the floor next to the bed then. Seeing him in only boxers, which were now too tight for him as his erection's visible, you couldn't help but bite your thumb to suppress a whine. Saeran stopped for a moment, a slight frown forming on his face and you're quick enough to latch on.
"Let me take it off? I wanna see."
His eyes screamed with fire before he let you come back against him, the feeling of his chest touching yours got your legs wiggle for a moment. As you pulled the last piece of clothing off, you didn't know what to say when having him all naked. Saeran sat back down, pulling you with him to sit in his lap again.
"If you.. don't like something, just tell me."
"I'm more than good right now.. Please, don't stop if you're comfortable."
Saeran felt himself losing in the eyes of yours, even when not meeting his. Just knowing you're seeing him naked caused his body to tremble from the building pressure. Your tongue slipped back between his lips, having him drunk to the point where his vision turned slightly. After you pulled away Saeran couldn't take the tension any longer, a quiet sigh falling from his lips when he put his hand around his erection, not as good as your hand, but still feeling so sensitive by knowing you're watching him.
"Hmm.."
The shock of electricity when rubbing his hand over himself's almost too much to handle. You've never seen someone so pretty when doing such a dirty thing. The way of his hand moving up and down with the precum making it all messy, you couldn't help but wonder what he tasted like. Maybe another time, you figured all of it at once's too much for the both of you. Saeran's breath's low beside your ear, it's hard to resist and stop his hand. These glassy eyes all clouded stared down to you, the urge to kiss him's quite intense with that look on his face.
"Can I try now?"
The words had him catch the air in the back of his throat, you're grateful after he nodded for you to continue. You took his hand away to lay it down at the bed, watching him grip the blanket right away for stability string something deep inside you, Saeran's a good type for the wild kind of fun. It's having you excited like rarely. You carefully placed your own around his erection, trying to imitate the movements he'd done just a moment ago.
"Shit–!"
It's addicting how all of his body reacted to such a simple touch, you could feel him shudder in your hand or twitch when playing with the pace, going slower and being faster again. You didn't even realize you teased him like that. Saeran tried not to be louder than he already was, normally he wouldn't even open his mouth when releasing his stress like that, but with you, watching and touching him at the same time, it came out his throat without control. The friction's mind numbing, all he could focus on's you and your hand.
"Is that better? You look.. good."
The young man with minty eyes tried to open them, instead he felt himself become jelly all over when you leaned in to kiss him on the neck. His skin's sensitive from the pleasure he never experienced before, now with your soft lips on his neck, he's about to bust.
"S-Stop.. Fuck, (N). Stop- hm."
It's sweet torture as you listened to him and put your hand to an hold. Saeran had to breath through, he didn't want to end this just now, however, you're doing a good job getting him there already. Your eyes watched his face coming back from the height, wondering why he told you to stop. Before you could question, Saeran's shaky hands grabbed you by the shoulders in order to pull you into his lap. The little squeak of shock falling from your lips had him bite back a growl, your voice really did things to him.
"Let me fuck you."