A Brother's Love and Loss

This poem is the first thing I can remember writing. I was only 12 or 13. My brother had passed away when I was 11 (he was 8) from complications from cerebral palsy.
Before this, Jake was my best friend. He couldn't talk, walk, eat... he couldn't even breathe on his own. So I would talk and read and sing to him. He used to get the biggest smiles when I did. I remember being scared at night and cuddling with him.
Jake was my whole world because everywhere else, there was pain in my life. When he died, it was like a nightmare that took me years to wake up from. I loved him very dearly.
To vent that pain a little, I wrote this. It took me years after finding this as an adult to decide to post it. Even now, I'm crying a bit.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

You left me behind

To cry for a loss

Trying to find

A way to carry this cross

Please if you can hear me

Help me find my way

Can you see me on my knees

I've never felt so betrayed

You gave me a reason to keep hoping

Now I've been left in the shadow of the doubt

I'm stuck in the dark groping

Searching for a light but the bulb's burnt out

When you passed it broke my heart

You taught me selflessness

Letting go is so hard

I'm nothing but a mess

You were my closest friend

I still can't believe you died

Why hasn't the world ended

I wish I could say goodbye

I'm staring up at the night sky

Trying to find you among the stars

Will I never spread my wings and fly

Heaven has never seemed so far

I've been playing this game so long

And I still haven't reached first base

I know you would want me to be strong

So I'm going to stop staying in place

I can feel you no matter how far away

Because the light just came on

Little by little the heartache seems to fade

Maybe I'll find a new song

Notes:

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