Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Friday, June 25th, 2021

00:13 AM

SNU Dorm Building 915

Gwanak Residence Halls

It was quite hilarious how everything seemed to fall into place with a single decision. Hours of endless thoughts accompanied by the dim moonlight did nothing to help Heeseung reach some form of epiphany. It instead left him with a feeling of emptiness, of worthlessness as he realized his minuscule place in the world they lived in. His mind wandered, would everyone else think as he did? 

Heeseung reached for the phone in his pocket, scrolling past the numerous chat rooms in his KakaoTalk, and laughing slightly as memories from each conversation filled his mind. It had not been more than a few hours since he last replied to his friends. Barely more than a few hours since he started his accompaniment with the moonlight, leaning his arms on the window sill of his dorm room, the usually warm air turning cold as he started pondering about his next step in life.

Summer vacation had always been promoted as a period of fun, filled with laughter and joy from students finally getting their well-deserved breaks. Summer was supposed to be filled with waterparks, staycations, and road trips. It wasn’t supposed to be filled with merely Heeseung and his thoughts as he was left alone in his dorm room—his roommate heading back to Busan without so much of a goodbye. A pin drop would even be enough to accompany Heeseung’s night.

Heeseung stayed alone for what seemed to be an eternity, consumed by his thoughts since the start of the hot season. He realized that he might not be able to catch up with the fast-paced world around him and feared he might get left behind if he didn’t start running like the rest of the world did. But it seemed as if Heeseung could barely walk.

Heeseung spent his hours wondering about what he should do next. He had less than two years before he was supposed to finish university. Two years before finally submerging himself in the realm of adulthood and supposedly becoming something, someone , everyone could be proud of. It was terrifying, the thought of finally graduating and ending up as nothing to the world. 

He feared he would leave no impact that could make people remember him. He wondered if he could even leave an impact that would make him worth remembering.

If it’s Heeseung then we don’t have to worry.

Of course, he’ll be something, he’s Heeseung!

Why are you so scared? Aren’t you Lee Heeseung?

We trust you, and we know you can do it, Heeseung-ah.

The supposed words of encouragement and trust left nothing but burdens on Heeseung’s shoulders. He had spent his life living up to the expectations of others, excelling in things that he should be excelling in, but never something he wanted. But, who was he to complain?

As long as Heeseung continued to live in his parents’ care, wasn’t it his responsibility to follow through with their wishes? To prove, more to them than to him, that he was the golden child they always boasted about, to prove that he could do it as they expected him to? To prove that he deserved the songs of praise they had always sung to him?

Heeseung once again looked at his phone screen. It opened up on the familiar group chat with the people he felt were closest to him, but barely knew about those meddling thoughts in his head. The glaring blue screen burned his eyes, but Heeseung didn’t squint. Instead, his thumbs moved along with his eyes, darting across the keyboard before his mind could comprehend his intentions.

Lee Heeseung

anyone else awake?

Notifications quickly came as texts from the other six boys in the group chat started to crowd his screen, each replying despite it being almost half past midnight and wondering as to why Heeseung would even strike up a conversation so late. Heeseung paused as the messages continued to make his phone vibrate.

The student’s eyes started to roam through his dorm room, it was only a week into summer and he was still staying in his dorm room. A few little white lies about wanting to study more was enough for his parents to allow his extended stay, and the rest of his friends quickly followed suit, also staying at the dormitory for God knows why.

Heeseung’s gaze fell onto the dangling car keys hanging on a hook next to his room door. The metal seemed to twinkle in the moonlight, blinking invitingly as it forcefully took Heeseung’s attention, and a fleeting thought passed that made him pause his breath. 

It didn’t take long for a picture to be painted in his mind. An image of a beautiful summer morning where he was surrounded by the people who knew him best. They were at a beach, waiting for the sun to rise as they splashed each other with the cold seawater and buried their feet in the sand. Heeseung’s chest filled with a sudden warmth as warm as the sun rays bleeding above the horizon in his imagination. Heeseung once again started typing before he even finished forming his thoughts.

Lee Heeseung

pack your bags boys

we’re going on a road trip

picking everyone up in an hour

by age!

pack for the weekend

Freverant replies quickly flooded his phone, the older more outgoing half of his friends were quick to celebrate and confirm their participation, considering they were also at the university with him and had more freedom to leave their dorm rooms. 

The younger half left no time to quickly scold Heeseung for his sudden invitation before proceeding to say that they would ask for permission as soon as possible. Sunoo added that Heeseung should pick them up at Sunoo’s house, where the younger three were already gathering for a sleepover. 

Jongseong sent a smiling emoji before saying that he would help with additional expenses if needed and he would book them a place to stay—which definitely meant his father would be booking them a place to stay, while Jake texted that he would also help with everything else money-related. 

Ah, the beauty of wealth, Heeseung thought for a moment before throwing his phone onto his bed and closing the window behind him.

Heeseung finally smiled for the first time in the formerly lonely summer, the thoughts and burdens finally leaving him alone, replaced with giddy excitement for their first-ever road trip.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

00:37 AM

SNU Dorm Building 915

Gwanak Residence Halls

A series of knocks came to Heeseung’s dorm when he was in the middle of packing, his heart still pounding from his own impromptu decision even minutes later. 

Heeseung walked towards the door quickly, opening it to a smiling Jongseong, dressed in a pair of jeans and a half-tucked in oversized white shirt while carrying a black Louis Vuitton duffle bag. The two exchanged quick hugs and greetings. Jongseong was quick to sit in front of Heeseung’s navy Nike duffle bag, helping him pack without even being asked to.

“Running away?” the younger asked, calmly folding the mess of clothing Heeseung had packed while the older ran to gather his toiletries.

Heeseung’s hand paused when reaching for his facial wash, his breath caught at the sudden question. He leaned his head out of the bathroom to face where Jongseong sat, head lifted to stare at Heeseung with his ever so intense gaze. Heeseung let out a breathless laugh, “Not sure,” he replied, fingers trembling as he once again reminded himself that Jongseong somehow always had a way of knowing his thoughts. He headed back to the bathroom to continue packing,  “I think soul-searching would be a more accurate description?” Heeseung said, zipping his toiletries bag and throwing it towards Jongseong when he stood in front of the other.

Jongseong laughed, shaking his head as he stuffed all the other necessities into Heeseung’s bag. “Well, I am glad to be there when you finally find it,” he said, zipping the bag shut.

“I think you mean ‘if’ I find it,” Heeseung said, walking towards where his phone had been vibrating almost nonstop.

 Attendance confirmations came from the younger half of his friend group, Sunoo leading them in saying that they were packed and ready, meanwhile Jungwon added to the messages by calling Heeseung annoyingly slow. The middle two sent an array of stickers, most likely to say that they were also ready for Heeseung to pick them up.

“Nope, I mean ‘when’,” Jongseong smiled at Heeseung as he stood up from the floor, both his and Heeseung’s duffle bag in hand. The younger of the two stretched his arm forward, offering Heeseung’s duffle bag to its owner, “Ready?” Jongseong said, smiling like he always does.

Heeseung took his bag from Jongseong with a slight graze to his warm knuckles, “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

00:47 AM

SNU Dorm Building 915

Gwanak Residence Halls

Going by age, Jake was the first person to be picked up by Heeseung and Jongseong. The Australian-born was prepped and ready when they knocked on his dorm room. Jake was dressed in his usual attire, wearing a familiar flannel—one that Heeseung vaguely remembered leaving there—over a grey t-shirt and jeans. Heeseung was starting to feel a tad bit underdressed with his sweatpants and black t-shirt combo but said nothing of it. The three exchanged greetings, finally meeting up with each other for the first time since summer vacation started, despite living in the same dormitory. 

“Why isn’t Sunghoon here?” Jongseong asked with an eyebrow raised. 

Heeseung laughed at Jake’s widened eyes and reddening cheeks, painfully aware of the crush the latter harbored for the figure skater-turned-liberal arts major.

Jake was scrambling for an answer when the clearing of someone’s throat made the trio turn their heads. 

There Park Sunghoon was in all his jaw-dropping glory, the bright hallway light even framed a halo around his figure, to further push the handsome man’s presence. Heeseung didn’t even have to glance toward Jake to know that his blush had deepened. The youngest of the four was dressed in a white t-shirt tucked into a pair of black dress pants with an unworn bomber jacket tossed over his shoulders.

“Okay, I know I’m handsome, but can we go now?” Sunghoon joked with his usual grin, which made Heeseung and Jongseong roll their eyes while Jake started giggling slightly, making Heeseung and Jongseong roll their eyes even more.

Heeseung gave Sunghoon a hug as he was the person he saw the least out of the three because of how different their majors were and the fact that he lived in a different dorm building. 

Heeseung was a business major—his parents' choice of major, not his—while Jongseong and Jake were STEM majors—their choices, not their parents—with Jongseong majoring in earth sciences and Jake majoring in astronomy. The three of them could easily use their free time to visit each other’s room, leaving Sunghoon to spam their group chat with numerous angry stickers, even though he was too lazy to leave his room to visit them.

Jake was the only one who regularly visited Sunghoon’s dorm, the two talking about who knows what until the dead of the night before Jake continued to rant to Heeseung about how wonderful Sunghoon was in their KakaoTalk chat room.

Heeseung smiled as he saw the three of his friends converse brightly. He was about to chime in until a sudden feeling of guilt started to cloud his mind.

Heeseung’s heart started pounding once again as he wondered what it was he did to even deserve the rest he was about to take. What groundbreaking achievement did he get in the past semester, for him to think that he should be allowed to take a break? Heeseung’s hands turned into fists as he feared for the failure that he knew was about to greet him. He was no longer sure he wanted to continue the trip, too scared to even take a step on the carpeted hallways of their dorm building.

“Hyung?” a familiar voice asked, laced with worry. 

Conversations were quick to die down at Heeseung’s lack of response.

“Heeseung-hyung?” It was Jake’s turn to call out his name, his eyes widened slightly as he continued to stare at Heeseung, whose gaze was still on the floor.

Intrusive thought didn’t lessen as Heeseung once again remembered the responsibilities he shouldered and the expectations he had to meet. Heeseung had no time to have fun or have a vacation, he didn’t deserve to have one. His mind was made when he lifted his gaze, ending up face-to-face with a very worried Jongseong. Heeseung immediately wanted to curse, he wished it was anyone else in front of him, someone that couldn’t see right through Heeseung like he was transparent and could even seem to read his mind.

Jongseong smiled sadly as he saw the hesitation in Heeseung’s gaze. He wasted no time to grab one of Heeseung’s hands, “Come on, Hyung. The others are waiting,” Jongseong said, his sad smile turning into a bright grin.

“Jongseong-ah, I—” Heeseung was interrupted by a squeeze to his hand.

“Let’s go, Hyung.” Jongseong peered into Heeseung’s wide eyes as if it could do anything to convince him. “You deserve a break,” the younger continued to say, once again knowing exactly what was going on inside Heeseung’s head which increased the frustration in Heeseung’s mind.

“Yeah, let’s go, Heeseung-hyung!” Jake chimed in, tugging on Heeseung’s free hand, while Sunghoon magically moved behind the elder to push him forward.

“No time to back down! Let’s have our first trip of the summer!” Sunghoon exclaimed, giving no care that it was nearly one in the morning and their dorm was no longer bustling with life.

Heeseung just let himself be dragged by his friends, trying his hardest to believe their words about him deserving the break he was about to have, and to ready himself, for the spiral of disappointment he was bound to be when he gets home from the trip.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

00:55 AM

SNU Dorm Parking Lot

Gwanak Residence Halls

Jongseong calmly sat in the passenger’s seat when they arrived at Heeseung’s car in the parking lot. Sunghoon and Jake let out no complaints, quickly filling the middle seat with their banters about whatever topic they were discussing.

“It’s summer, Jake-ah. There’s no way Jongseong isn’t making us go to the beach,” Sunghoon said matter-a-factly as he threw his bag to the trunk with no care.

Jake turned from where he was connecting his phone to the aux cord, “Jongseong’s a weirdo, I say there’s definitely a possibility of him making us go to the mountain!” Jake retaliated, putting on a playlist titled ‘enha’s summer road trip’ that he somehow had ready. Heeseung raised an eyebrow at the playlist name before finally starting the car.

“Yah!” Jongseong called out at Jake’s insult, slightly offended before he paused to think, “Okay, Jake’s right. There is a possibility and it’s now larger because he called me a weirdo.”

Sunghoon clicked his tongue at Jongseong’s answer, “I know you’re a weirdo, but why should we even go to the mountain at almost half-past two in the morning?”

“To see the sunrise!” Jake replied, chin lifted as he challenged Sunghoon to reply.

Heeseung saw everything from the rearview mirror and laughed, once more feeling more relaxed at Sunghoon and Jake’s completely useless conversation.

“We can see the sunrise clearer from the East Sea?? It’s literally in the east,” Sunghoon threw his hands in the air, his tone in complete disbelief as Jake didn't even bother considering that fact.

“Hyung,” Jongseong’s small voice called out in the midst of chaos, hand pulling at Heeseung’s shirt sleeve slightly. Heeseung turned his gaze from the loud duo to the unusually soft-spoken younger by his side. “Sunoo’s spamming the group chat and telling us to, and I quote ‘Hurry the fuck up’.”

Heeseung nodded with a small laugh, he put the gear shift into reverse to back out of the parking lot and set out towards Sunoo’s home. The drive was accompanied by IU’s soft voice, as well as Sunghoon and Jake’s never-ending conversation, that time it was about how many rooms Jongseong booked in his mysterious destination and who should share a room with who.

Heeseung was even starting to doubt Jake’s crush on Sunghoon as they continued to fight for the entire thirty-seven minutes it took to drive from Seoul National University to Sunoo’s house in Gwonseon-dong.

Jongseong spent the drive barging in on the two’s arguments just to fuel the conversation more, and laughing maniacally when he managed to create yet another topic for them to argue about.

With the windows rolled down, a variety of Korean summer songs blasting from their speakers, as well as endless banter between the four of them.  It finally started to feel like a road trip. Heeseung let himself smile as he pushed away those damned thoughts by himself. Maybe he really did deserve a break.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

01:25 AM

Sunoo’s house

Gwonseon-dong, Gwonseon-gu

Exclaims of excitement came when they arrived in front of Sunoo’s house. The three youngest clamored to the back of Heeseung’s three-seater to shove their bags into the trunk. Hugs and greetings were once again exchanged between the friend group, especially between the ones already in university and the three who were still in high school.

Heeseung had his shoulders wrapped by Jongseong’s arm whenever he was alone. Whether the younger was comforting him or preventing him from leaving, Heeseung didn’t know and couldn’t care less. The warmth the arm brought left little to no discomfort for Heeseung, even amidst the summer wind. It didn’t take long for Heeseung to once again be distracted from his thoughts.

“Heeseung-hyung!” Riki exclaimed as he bounced into Heeseung’s arm with a grin, Jongseong detangled himself from Heeseung and took a step back to give them space. Heeseung couldn’t stop himself from laughing while he wrapped his arms around Riki’s waist. He had missed the younger one a lot. Riki was the one person who really felt like a younger brother to Heeseung. The older tightly hugged the annoyingly tall sophomore who tightened his arms around Heeseung.

“Riki, is that my flannel?!” Sunghoon called out with an annoyed tone. Riki replied by saying absolutely nothing and continuing to hug Heeseung, a shit-eating grin evident on his face. Sunghoon’s annoyed puffs slowly subsided when Jake patted his shoulder calmly.

The other two high schoolers, Sunoo and Jungwon, followed Riki to invade Heeseung’s space, hugging the two tightly with smiles and small laughter. He could see Jake recording the reunion from his peripheral, while Jongseong watched with crossed arms and a wide grin. Sunghoon continued to huff in annoyance because Riki refused to acknowledge his ownership of the green flannel he was wearing.

Heeseung rubbed the younger ones’ heads fondly after they separated. The three were dressed similarly with only a difference of outer garments. The jeans they all had were once again making Heeseung feel severely underdressed that he considered changing right then and there. 

Riki had worn a green flannel—one that made Sunghoon glare at him endlessly, and Sunoo had chosen to put on a  regular white hoodie, while Jungwoon had put on a black jacket that looked similar to the one Jongseong had complained about misplacing not long ago.

Remembering where they were, Heeseung turned to face Sunoo’s tired mother on the doorstep. The oldest of the group walked towards the woman while scratching his neck with an apologetic smile, “I’m sorry for taking them on such short notice, Auntie,” he said, giving her his award-winning smile and bowing out of respect.

Sunoo’s mother shook her head slightly, “If it was anyone else but you then I wouldn’t even listen to them you know this right, Heeseung-ah?” she scolded before giving Heeseung a smile and a pat on the head. “I’ve already contacted Jungwon and Riki’s parents. Just make sure to stay safe and have fun, okay?” she said, giving a squeeze on Heeseung’s shoulder.

Heeseung lifted his head and nodded, “Of course, Auntie! I’ll bring them back on Monday.”

A nod was given to Heeseung by Sunoo’s mother, who proceeded to tilt her chin towards Heeseung’s car, “If you don’t get on then I’m afraid they’re gonna go without you, Heeseung-ah.”

Heeseung tilted his head slightly, turning his body when a series of giggles and chuckles came from behind him. He let out an exasperated laugh when he saw six heads pop out of his car’s opened windows, almost every single seat occupied aside from the driver’s seat.

“Come on, old man!” The nickname could only be accepted when Riki was the one calling it, the youngest seated in the middle row just behind the driver’s seat and right next to Jake.

“Heeseung-hyung, let’s stop for McDonald's on the way!” That one was Jungwon, smiling adorably until his dimples showed. He leaned his head forward from the back seat, placing it above an annoyed-looking Jake.

“Bye-bye, Mom!” Sunoo’s cheerful voice called out in the dead night, aggressively pushing Sunghoon’s head to the side to give himself more room, the older sent an offended look towards Sunoo that quickly went over the younger’s head. His exclaims resulted in his mother sending a death glare his way while Sunoo grinned innocently.

Heeseung shook his head at the youngests’ antics, laughing as he turned his body back to face Sunoo’s mother. He gave the woman another bow before jogging towards his car. The others in the car waved enthusiastically to the old woman, who fondly waved back at the boys she knew since her son was in middle school.

Heeseung’s entrance to the car was greeted with unnecessary cheers, which he gladly accepted, waving gracefully to the group as if he was royalty. Heeseung wanted to thank whatever all-knowing being in the universe that gave him the privilege of knowing those boys since his teenage years, giving him his own special group of people who could always run by his side when he wanted to have a getaway.

“Where to, Jongseong-ah?” Heeseung asked, finally starting the car his parents bought for him after entering university. A three-seater SUV that was specifically given to him with the thought of his close friendship with the others.

Jake and Sunghoon leaned into the edges of their seat, waiting for the answer that would hopefully finally put an end to their debate. Jongseong spared the two a mischievous glance before fully turning his head. The second oldest was greeted with five faces filled with anticipation, which fueled his mischief even further.

Jungwon and Sunoo put their wide eyes to work, giving the man their best puppy eyes, having sent their own requests—or ahem, recommendations —to Jongseong’s personal KakaoTalk. Riki just smiled widely at Jongseong, his feet bouncing on the car floor as he was excited with any location Jongseong had chosen.

“Odaesan …” Jongseong started to say, happy to see Jungwoon, and Jake’s eyes lit up, “is not our destination,” he finished his sentence with an annoyingly wide grin that made Jake and Jungwon groan.

Victorious cheers and whoops came from Sunghoon and Sunoo, giving each other a high five after realizing they hoped for the same destination. Sunghoon even childishly stuck out his tongue towards an equally childish Jake, who stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

“Calm down you babies,” Jongseong spoke up one again, typing a destination onto the GPS. “We’re gonna stay at a beachside pension for a night before going to a mountain view one on the next day,” Jongseong said, happily humming when the GPS announced that it had completed the best route for their trip.

Another round of cheers came, that time from Jake and Jungwon, who both started taunting Sunghoon and Sunno for no other reasons except spite.

“You okay with driving to two different locations, Hyung?” Jongseong asked a smiling Heeseung. “It’s only about a forty-minute drive.”

Heeseung nodded at Jongseong and put his gear shift into drive.

“To Hapyeong Beach!” Jongseong exclaimed with his finger pointed towards the street.

“To Hapyeong Beach!” The rest followed as Heeseung finally started to drive towards his destination.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

01:39 AM

Heeseung’s car

Yeongdong Expressway

“Jongseong-hyung, you better buy me a pair of swimming trunks!”

“Yah, Kim Sunoo! Stop hogging the fucking snacks!”

“Feel like summer~~!”

“Keep right to enter Yeongdong Expressway.”

The trip was only a few minutes past the ten-minute mark and they had just gotten on the Yeongdong Expressway to start their two-hour journey, but the car ride had been everything else except silent. Heeseung didn’t really understand why he hoped for anything more from seven barely adult boys going on an unchaperoned summer road trip for the first time in their lives.

Jungwon’s demands for a swimsuit were replied with tired nods from Jongseong while Sunoo continued to talk as he crunched on some chips without even a glance towards a demanding Sunghoon, “Jungwon-ah, I told you we were going to the beach! Why didn’t you pack a swimsuit?” Sunoo asked, scooping another handful of chips before finally shoving the bag towards Sunghoon, who almost bent over the seat just to reach the half-empty package of chips. Jungwon glared at Sunoo, grabbing the handful of chips out of Sunoo’s hand to shove it in his own mouth, chewing obnoxiously at the other in response.

Jake and Riki were screaming along to the melodious chorus of Seventeen’s Healing after a dramatic performance of TXT’s Our Summer. The third oldest’s road trip playlist was still blasting out of the speakers as they drove through the highway with their windows down. The trip had only just started and it was already decorated with multiple voice cracks and failed high notes from both boys, inviting laughter from the rest of them.

Riki was singing at the top of his lungs while appreciating the cool summer wind, his long arms waving out of the window to let the moving breeze blow past his flannel-clad arm, an action that brought out scolds from the two oldest in the front seat. Riki smiled at Heeseung from the rearview mirror and moved to lay his head on his now folded arms, eyes closed as he enjoyed the whispers of air that grazed his face.

Heeseung was driving not far above the minimum speed limit, taking his time in the left-most lane as they continued to cruise the almost empty expressway. He rarely pitched in on any of the conversations, humming along to the songs while the others started to talk animatedly about the things they would do upon arriving there.

“Considering we can’t check in then we should go to the beach first right?” Sunghoon asked, leaning forward to wrap his arms around the headrest of Jongseong’s seat.

Jake pulled the man back with the notion that the action was dangerous and replied, “This is Jongseong we’re talking about. I’m sure his dad pulled some strings to allow our late-night check-in.”

“Isn’t it early-morning if it takes two hours to get there?” Jungwon asked, mirroring Sunghoon’s actions on Riki’s headrest but curiously receiving no scolding, much to Sunghoon’s displeasure.

Jongseong turned his head to face the others, “My dad did inform the front desk that we would be arriving there in around two hours,” Jongseong said, opening a bottle of water and handing it to Heeseung without a word. Heeseung looked at him questioningly but still took the bottle with a thankful nod. “We can check-in, put in our bags, and then go watch the sunrise,” Jongseong continued, taking back the bottle and casually taking a sip from it.

“Can we have a bonfire at the beach?” Sunoo asked with a giddy smile, he followed Jungwon until his face was right in between Sunghoon and Jake.

Jongseong smiled at the younger, “The pension I booked has an outdoor fireplace we can use that has the perfect view of the beach.” 

Sunoo nodded enthusiastically at that and leaned back on his seat again.

“What about the sleeping arrangements? Sunghoon asked, once again wrapping his arms around Jongseong’s headrest, and once again being pulled back with a glare from Jake.

“Two beds and three futons, we’ll decide when we get there or draw lots if we can’t reach a conclusion,” Jongseong said, turning to look at Heeseung. “Hyung, if you’re tired, I’ll drive,” he said, just a few volumes above the blaring song, now it was ‘Best Friend’ by IKON. “Heeseung-hyung is getting one of the beds, though.” He gave the others a pointed look, leaving no place to argue before once again looking at the quiet road in front of them.

Jake watched as Jongseong continued to dote on Heeseung, treating the oldest like he needed to be taken care of, like he was fragile and a single wrong move could break him. The actions raised a few question marks in Jake’s head and he made a self-reminder to ask the two about it later. He turned to look at Sunghoon, who was already staring at him. They must have had the same thought because it didn’t take long before they nodded understandingly towards one another.

Just as silence was about to visit them, Riki chose the moment to scream out the lyrics to another one of Seventeen’s songs in Jake’s playlist. The others laughed, following the youngest’s steps and screaming the lyrics on the top of their lungs. Even Heeseung followed the activity, singing passionately to the chorus.

Our dawn is hotter than day, until the morning comes.

“Oh, summer, summer, summer, summer, oh~!” they all screamed into the dead of the night as the wind whistled past them.

We engrave ourselves into the summer night!

“Oh, summer, summer, summer, summer, oh~!” Heeseung and Jongseong turned to face each other with bright smiles. Heeseung turned back at the road, but Jongseong kept staring at the other’s face with a smile of relief.

If we find those days again, then what do we do?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Then what do we do?

Oh! Oh! Oh! Then what would we do?

The nostalgia-inducing songs of Jake’s playlist continued to accompany them throughout the ride through the never-ending Yeongdong Expressway. Hairs were blown by the midnight wind as they continued to converse about anything and everything that has happened to them in the past semester.

As the trip reached the one-hour mark, the group was forced to take a detour because of a simple sentence that came out of Jungwon’s mouth.

“Hyung-deul, when are we getting Mcdonalds?”

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

02:40 AM

Saewon-daero Mcdonalds 

Dangye-dong, Wonju-si

“I’ll repeat your order now. Three Big Mac sets, four triple cheeseburgers sets, and two cups of hot McCafe with less sugar,” the person attending the drive-through said with a tired tone.

Heeseung almost felt bad for bothering their slow hours with their sudden big order, but the rumbling in his stomach was starting to get way too noisy to ignore any longer. Heeseung confirmed their order and continued to drive to the next window where the tired-faced staff greeted them. Jongseong quickly gave his card to Heeseung and they finished the payment before the server could even suppress another yawn.

“Your order will be delivered to you in around fifteen minutes, please wait at the waiting bay for the time being,” the server said, sending them a small smile and bow before closing the drive-through window in between them.

Heeseung drove towards the front of the restaurant, quickly parking at the waiting bay as the others sang along to a Bolbbalgan4 song to distract themselves from their churning stomachs. It didn’t take long before they dissolved into three different conversations.

“I just don't see the appeal of astronomy.”

“What is it about the contents of the universe that doesn't ‘appeal’ to you, Mr. Liberal Arts?”

“Yeah, Sunghoon-hyung! Aren’t you, like, a little bit intrigued by black holes or other galaxies?”

“Nope, not really.”

That was the conversation between Sunghoon, Jake, and Riki. Sunghoon’s nonchalant answer was just enough to invite long overlapping rants from both Jake and Riki’s side. Meanwhile, Sunghoon faked a yawn at their responses.

“No, Jungwon-ah you don’t understand. She confessed to me.”

“I’m pretty sure I understand completely well, Sunoo-yah. Why is it a problem if she confessed?”

“Okay, first of all, I’m fucking gay??”

“And that matters how???”

Jongseong raised an eyebrow at Jungwon and Sunoo’s conversations, while the two classmates continued their banter. Jungwon was obviously just pulling at Sunoo’s leg and the latter, unfortunately, continued to let it happen. Sunoo’s frustration was palpable even from the distance where Jongseong sat.

“Was your dad mad when you called him?” Heeseung asked, striking a conversation with Jongseong as the only other without a talking partner. Jongseong turned to look at Heeseung, who was leaning slightly towards him so they could speak in a lower volume. “You know, with Brunei being an hour quicker than here and it was almost one AM when you called him,” Heeseung continued, turning his body to face Jongseong and placing his lower arm on the armrest. 

Jongseong didn’t reply right away, taking a few moments to look at Heeseung’s face chiseled by the bright light from the McDonalds building. Under any other circumstances, Heeseung would’ve looked ethereal in Jongseong’s eyes. His wide, deer-like eyes, glimmered because of the bright light in front of them, his high nose bridge seemingly contoured by the contrasting dark night, his slightly parted lips looked strangely kissable in the cold atmosphere, and his thick hair appeared annoyingly fluffy. But considering they were currently at McDonald's, and there were close to zero romantic moods that could be made by that location; Jongseong pushed away his admiration for a few moments.

“He was up late to prepare for an event so I didn’t wake him up or anything,” Jongseong finally replied, mirroring Heeseung’s pose before smiling towards the other. “He sends his regards, by the way. Specifically telling me that we were going on a well-deserved rest,” Jongseong continued, his choice of words once again convincing Heeseung that he had a way of seeing into Heeseung’s mind.

The older of the two laughed at Jongseong’s reply, “Thank you, Jongseong.” He chose to say, hand reaching to softly hold Jongseong’s hand in his. “I’ll tell you everything later, I promise.” 

“Take your time, Hyung,” Jongseong said with an understanding smile. The younger was about to squeeze Heeseung’s hand when a sudden knock to his window made him pull away, quickly as if he had been burned by boiling water.

Jongseong could see two people standing, and jumped slightly. When he realized they were the employees, Jongseong rolled down his window in no time with an apology from his mouth. He accepted the three paper bags handed to him and quickly distributed them to the middle row so they could hand out each person’s order. Jongseong thanked the servers and rolled up his window. “Does everybody have their orders?” he asked to the backseat while Heeseung quickly sipped the hot cup of coffee to wake himself up. 

Seeing the others’ nods, Jongseong was about to tell Heeseung that they could resume driving when a sudden yelp from the middle row made him turn his head in concern, “What is it, Jake-yah?

“Can we take a polaroid before we go?”

The looks of concern Jake received, turned into rolled eyes and groans. Heeseung laughed while Jongseong nodded at the request, the latter taking Jake’s camera.

“Everyone ready?” Jongseong asked as held the camera on the dashboard.

A series of agreements and nods were replied to Jongseong.

“Okay, 1 … 2 … Say Kimchi ….”

“Kimchi ….” The word was said by a few of them while the rest fell silent.

Jongseong took the photo and placed it inside his shirt pocket. He turned to Heeseung and sent him a nod. Heeseung smiled that pretty smile of his and nodded back.

With the first memento of their trip developing, the group once again took off to continue their journey.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

03:55 AM

Gangneung Sea Pension

Haean-ro, Sacheon-myeon

“The beach!!!” The chorus of excitement escaped from Riki’s mouth the second Heeseung put the car in park. The youngest didn’t even wait for the others as he bounced towards the dimly lit beach on his own. His opened flannel fluttered at the sea-bound wind and his bare feet greeted the cold sand beneath him.

Jungwon, a bit more mature but still very much a child, pushed Jake aside to fold the middle row seat. He and Sunoo ran after the youngest, their jeans folded just below the knee as they, mostly Sunoo, jumped on Riki’s back.

Jongseong turned to look at Sunghoon and Jake, both looking at the trio with wide smiles. The two turned to Jongseong at the same time, silently pleading with their eyes widened and lips pouted. Jongseong could only sigh and send a nod their way.

It didn’t take long for the two twenty-year-olds to run after their younger friends. Sunghoon’s bomber jacket was now wrapped around his waist as he tried his hardest to fold his dress pants as he ran. Jake raised his arms above his head as the summer wind bellowed towards his body, a loud shout coming out of his mouth.

Jongseong couldn’t help the laughter escaping when he saw Sunghoon pick Jake’s body up, his pants perfectly folded to the knee as he ran into the water. The water splashing on both his and Jake’s body. The latter’s screeches were clearly heard while the younger trio laughed with all their might.

A slight chuckle made Jongseong turn his attention to the man still seated beside him. Heeseung had his head placed on his arms folded on the opened car window. His shoulders shaking slightly with every single dumb antic their friends got up to.

“Hyung,” Jongseong called out, his tone as soft as the dancing wind.

Jongseong wished he was anything other than a hopeless romantic, because he could swear time slowed down right then and there. Heeseung turned to look at him as the wind moved in between them, blowing his fluffy hair back as he turned. The older man’s smile was still wide, still sincere, and still as beautiful as ever. Jongsong hoped his thumping heart couldn’t be heard even in the deafening silence between them, because Jongseong couldn’t even hear the screams and shouts of their friends anymore. He could only hear Heeseung’s intakes of breath, loud against his hearing like there was no space in between them.

With a tilt to his head, Heeseung’s grin faltered into a small smile, and Jongseong let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“What is it, Jongseong-ah?” Heeseung asked, turning until his body faced Jongseong.

The damn lighting must be playing games with him because there Heeseung was once again looking ethereal. To make things worse, they weren’t at Mcdonald's anymore. They were at a seaside pension that was perfect for creating a romantic atmosphere no matter the situation. Jongseong didn’t have any excuses to not think Heeseung looked beautiful under the warm lighting. He cursed himself for not being able to control his reactions because he could feel his cheeks warming up.

“Should we go check-in?” Jongseong asked, turning his head towards the quiet pension in front of them. He turned back to see Heeseung with an adorable confused look on his face.

The older of the two nodded, turning his car keys once to roll up all the windows before taking his car keys out. “Let’s go.”

The two of them walked towards the pension with each carrying the others’ bags. No longer confined in a tight space, Jongseong felt like he could breathe a little bit better as he walked beside Heeseung, having light conversations about what their parents were up to at the moment.

Jongseong could see the receptionist waiting while nodding off occasionally. A feeling of guilt was quick to crowd his heart as he jogged towards the front desk without a word. Heeseung was slightly taken back before rushing to follow Jongseong.

“Hello, I have a reservation under the name Park Jongseong,” Jongseong said, placing his ID and credit card on the desk. “A person named Park James made the reservation for me,” he continued, the receptionist quickly raised his head at the mention of Jongseong’s father.

His tired eyes widened and he blinked a few times, “Yes, Sir,” he said, sliding two cards on the counter, “here are the keys for the house you booked. Please give your luggage to our staff behind you and he will show you the way.” The receptionist directed his hands to the person behind Jongseong and Heeseung.

Jongseong gave him a small bow and a quick thanks. The two placed their bags on the cart behind them and followed the tired-looking man to where their room was.

“Oh my God, Park Jongseong!” Heeseung exclaimed when they entered the room. Well, it was more accurately described as a house. “Thank your dad for me,” Heeseung said, rushing to the upper platform where two double beds reside. Heeseung wasted no time before jumping on one of the beds with a relieved sigh.

Jongseong laughed from the bottom floor, placing their bags under the stairs and Jake’s polaroid camera on the coffee table while he heard Heeseung rustling in the bed.

The studio Jongseong’s dad booked had two floors, with two beds on the second floor, and a living room, kitchen, as well as bathroom on the first floor. Three futons had been spread on the living room floor, facing the mounted flat-screen TV on the wall while the coffee table was moved to the side. It also had a back terrace with a view of Hapyeong beach and direct access to it, separated from the living room with two ceiling-to-floor windows.

Jongseong looked at his watch and saw that half an hour had passed since they first arrived at the pension. The young man looked towards the second floor before walking to the back terrace, which had wooden flooring, outdoor benches, and a barbeque set. In the middle was a round propane fire pit and Jongseong smiled as he knew Sunoo would love it. Jongseong turned his head when he heard exclamations from the beach in front of him. He could see five familiar silhouettes still messing around there, a few being thrown into the sand while some others were playing in the water.

“You guys!” he screamed into the morning, waving his hands in the air to gain the others' attention.

Riki and Jungwon were the first ones to turn their bodies, “Jongseong-hyung!!” they called, arms waving back at the greeting as they stayed seated in the sand. Sunoo ran to the other two, sending waves towards Jongseong as well. Which could only mean the two still playing in the water were Sunghoon and Jake.

“Wanna join them?” a familiar voice asked, leaning his lower arms on the fence as he turned to face Jongseong.

Jongseong shook his head, “I’ll go when the sun’s almost up.” He paused to laugh when Jake’s screaming came once again. “Weren’t you resting, Hyung?”

“You left the door open and those kids are too loud for their own good.” Heeseung laughed as another scream came, that time from Riki being chased by Jungwon and Sunoo for whatever dumb reason they had. Heeseung left Jongseong’s side to sit on one of the benches, leaning back with a sigh escaping his mouth.

Jongseong followed him not long after that, leaving an inch of space in between them, “Are you okay, Hyung?” he asked, head still facing the rowdy group of kids running across the beach. 

Heeseung turned to look at Jongseong. He contemplated lying. To say he was fine and no thoughts were stabbing the back of his mind; a constant reminder that he wasn’t enough, and will never be enough; a stubborn feeling in his chest every time everyone said he would succeed;  an ever-present fear of his own future; and a sickening burden that crushed his body. 

Heeseung wanted to lie. He wanted more than anything to pretend that nothing was wrong, but how could he? Not when Jongseong patiently waited for him throughout the night. Not when the younger stayed by his side, comforting him despite knowing absolutely nothing.

“I’m not fine, Jongseong-ah,” he decided to say, an audible swallow following the confession. He lifted his feet off the ground, hugging his knees close as he shivered.

Jongseong hummed, already expecting the answer. “Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, turning to face Heeseung as the light from the house illuminated the side of his face. “Because if you don’t, then we can join Sunghoon and Jake in the water,” Jongseong offered with a smile.

Heeseung’s heart thrummed with delight, he let out a sigh that was followed by a smile of disbelief. Tears started to well in his eyes as he wondered what it was he did to have a person like Jongseong in his life. “I’m not sure,” he said just below a whisper. An answer to his thoughts and an answer to Jongseong.

The younger one nodded, still facing Heeseung who had chosen to look at the sea. “Take your time,” Jongseong said, ever so considerate with every single step he knew Heeseung wanted to take. “I’ll be right here when you figure it out, Hyung.”

Heeseung let himself smile once again, he truly wished he even remotely deserved Jongseong in his life. “Have you ever been burdened by something, Jongseong-ah?” Heeseung asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. “Has anyone ever put all their expectations on you and think you would take it more as a compliment, rather than a burden that you have no other choice than to carry?” Heeseung turned to look at Jongseong once again, stubborn tears clinging to the edge of his waterline. “Because that’s how I’ve lived all this time and I’m not sure how much more weight it would take before I crumble and fall.” Heeseung let his tears fall and his indestructible walls started to dissolve into nothing.

Jongseong sat still as Heeseung continued to cry, he held his ground as he knew Heeseung didn’t like to be hugged when he cried.

“It sucks because it makes me feel so ungrateful.” Heeseung wiped away his tears and let out a frustrated huff of breath. “I know they all mean well, I know they all mean to support me and give me strength. But here I am, falling apart because I’m not sure if I’m even worth their expectations, and it fucking sucks, Jongseong-ah.” Heeseung gripped his own hair, legs reaching the wooden floorboard so he could fold himself in half. “What do I do if I fail? What do I do if I end up disappointing them? Would I be worth anything to them if I couldn’t even achieve what they always dreamt of for me? ” Heeseung turned to face Jongseong and the younger one could feel his heartbreak at the sight. “Would I still be loved by them?”

Tears filled Jongseong’s eyes as he saw Heeseung so broken, so lost, over something that people thought would make him stronger. “I’m sorry, Hyung,” Jongseong chose to say, closing the distance between them to hug Heeseung’s back as Heeseung continued to cry.

“What do I do, Jongseong-ah? What can I do to stop feeling like this? What can I do to stop the expectations from becoming burdens?” Heeseung choked in between sobs and Jongseong’s eyebrows could only furrow.

He didn’t know. 

Jongseong didn’t know what to say, or how to act to make Heeseung feel even a minuscule bit better. He didn’t know what Heeseung was going through, he didn’t understand it, and he so desperately wished he did. He wished he could relate to what the older was feeling, to nod his head in agreement as they cried over the same feeling. But, he didn’t. Jongseong wasn’t crying because he understood what Heeseung felt. He cried because he didn’t understand it.

Thus, apologies kept escaping from Jongseong’s mouth. Apologies that left Heeseung so confused that he wished he could stop his tears for a moment, just to ask what Jongseong meant. But, he couldn't. The dam was already broken, his tears ran like waves that had been kept static for so long, crashing into his very being and swallowing him whole.

“I’m sorry that I don’t understand, Hyung,” Jongseong said through his own tears, his heart burning at his own confession. “I wish I did. I wish I could comfort you as I say that I know exactly what you were feeling. But I don’t, and I’m sorry for that.”

Hearing that finally made Heeseung pause, his sobs stopping as he registered Jongseong’s apology, “Why are you apologizing, idiot?” he asked, lifting his body until he was facing Jongseong, a stray tear falling from his eye. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I don’t want you to feel like I do, Jongseong-ah. I wish I didn’t feel like this, why would you even want to wish that on yourself?”

“Because then, at the least, you wouldn’t feel so alone,” Jongseong said, holding Heeseung’s hands.

Heeseung laughed amidst his sadness, what a truly Jongseong answer, he thought.

Of course, Jongseong would rather he, himself, feel like shit too, just so he could put himself exactly in the other’s shoes, just so he could give Heeseung the comfort of a partner in his seemingly lonely situation. 

“What did I do to deserve you, Jongseong-ah?” Heeseung asked with a smile so sad, it made Jongseong squeeze Heeseung’s hands a little too hard and he could only wince.

The question made something click in Jongseong’s mind, finally registering the older’s odd response to every single instance where Jongseong used the word ‘deserve’. Had Heeseung thought he didn’t deserve to have Jongseong in his life? Just the thought was enough to make Jongseong angry.

“Absolutely nothing except being yourself, Hyung,” Jongseong replied, his watery eyes holding a gaze of determination. 

“If that’s so, then why are you in my life, Jongseong-ah? What did I do for you to stay by my side?” Heeseung said, his smile still sad, making Jongseong furrow his eyebrows. 

“Why do we measure what we deserve as if it was a reward for the things we’ve done?” Jongseong asked. “Why do we think that anytime something is given to us, either good or bad, it is something we deserved because of our previous actions?” the younger continued. “Why can’t people just accept it with no second thoughts?”

Heeseung stayed quiet, he didn’t know the answers to Jongseong’s question just as Jongseong didn’t know the answers to his. 

Heeseung’s brain had been hardwired since he was little to assume that anything given to him is a direct cause of what he had done. He always measured the things he had with whether or not he deserved it, based on a past action he had done. “Because if I don’t see something as a reward for the things I’ve done, then I might not work hard for anything else in the future,” Heeseung said, voicing his thoughts.

“Isn’t that such a destructive way of thinking? To think that if you don’t work yourself till illness that you don’t deserve a reward? To think that you, in any way, have to do some astronomically astounding thing just so you could ‘deserve’ to have a certain someone in your life?” Jongseong asked, question after question as his eyes burned their marks in Heeseung's mind.

“It’s realistic, Jongseong-ah.” Heeseung turned his head to avoid Jongseong’s gaze. “People work hard towards something because they expect something in return. They expect a reward because they think that it’s something that is rightfully theirs—”

“Didn’t you say expectations caused burdens?” Jongseong cut Heeseung off and made the older go silent. Jongseong left a moment of silence for Heeseung to be with his own thoughts.

The crashing of waves kept them from being swallowed by silence. Jongseong started to wonder as to why it felt like time moved so slowly. It felt like a forever had passed but, it didn’t seem like the sun had any plans of rising any time soon.

Jongseong took a breath and once again started speaking, “Hyung, reality can and has been destructive. Having something be realistic doesn’t always mean it’s right and can be accepted.” He paused, taking Heeseung’s cheek in his hand and moving until Heeseung was once again looking at him. “Now, I’m going to ask your question; what did you do to deserve me?”

Heeseung couldn’t answer, nothing Jongseong had just talked about made sense in Heeseung’s head. The older didn’t understand the younger’s view, he wanted to, but his perception of everything had been so set and stone that change couldn’t just come with a snap of a finger.

“Nothing, Hyung,” Jongseong answered once again, his thumb rubbing against Heeseung’s cheek lightly. “I didn’t come into your life and become your friend that one day in middle school, because you did some ‘astonishing thing’ that caught my eye. I’m not some reward sent by the heavens as payment for your good deeds,” Jongseong continued, his other hand moved to cup Heeseung’s cheeks. “I became your friend because I wanted to be your friend. I’m not something you ‘deserve’ to have, I’m something you already have.”

The tears started falling once again and Heeseung could barely hold himself together. He had been wrong, a snap of a finger could never change his perception, but a simple sentence could help him realize where he had gone wrong.

Had his perception been wrong the entire time? 

Should he stop expecting a reward for everything he did? 

Should he stop perceiving things as those that he deserved and those that he didn’t? 

Had that been the thing that weighed down his mind? 

Had his mindset of placing worthiness on a pedestal, become the very reason those many expectations placed upon him became burdens? 

Did they become burdens because he felt that he wouldn’t deserve to have anything if he didn’t reach said expectations? 

Would he perceive them as words of encouragement, had he not thought of the horrible ‘things he deserved’ if he had failed to achieve them? 

Had all of his sufferings been caused by one small mindset that led everything to spiral out of control? Leading it to take a hold of his entire being until he couldn’t even think straight whenever he made a single decision. Until he doubted that everything he had done was equivalent to what he got. Pushing him to work beyond his own capabilities to chase after a reward he would never feel like he was ever worthy of. Had it all been because of that?

All because he thought he didn’t, or did, deserve something.

Heeseung’s silence lasted minutes, his gaze boring straight into Jongseong. The younger one didn’t speak, letting Heeseung’s mind process everything he said, while his thumbs continued to rub calming circles on Heeseung’s cheeks.

“It’s not whether or not I deserve it,” Heeseung started to say, voice taken away by the sea-bound wind as his gaze lowered to the space in between them. “It’s whether or not I want it, or need it.” Heeseung looked up to stare at Jongseong, the younger one smiled.

“Exactly, Hyung.” Jongseong said with a nod, “If you want it, or need it even. If it’s something that can make you happy and it’s not something that would harm you, or anyone else. Then you should take it, reach for it and claim it as yours. Don’t let thoughts of whether you deserve it or not, hinder you from chasing after your happiness. Don’t dictate yourself in such a harmful way.”

Heeseung just stared at Jongseong. 

Handsome, thoughtful, and patient Jongseong who was always by his side. The Jongseong who had been in his life since they got their first pimples, since their voices first dropped, and since he fell over backward trying to learn the choreography in their dance class while Jongseong watched quietly in the corner, intrigued. 

He stared at the person he never thought he deserved.  

Jongseong had been there from the start, Heeseung realized. 

From every single mistake to every single right choice Heeseung made, Jongseong had been there.

As Jongseong’s words finally settled. Heeseung started to understand that his mindset had always held him back in some ways. 

It held him back from choosing music—the major of his dreams and left him in some boring major he didn’t even understand. It held him back from becoming a trainee and left him with the biggest regrets of his life, endless envy boiling his stomach every time he turned on the TV. It also held him back from confessing to the first person that ever caught his eye, the first person who Heeseung thought could see through everything about him, the first person who stayed, and the first person who never demanded anything from him.

Jongseong had stayed by his side for years, and not once had Heeseung felt burdened by his presence. Jongseong never asked for anything, he never placed expectations on Heeseung’s shoulders. He merely stayed by Heeseung’s side, through the highs and lows, with an ever-familiar smile. A fact that further the thoughts of Heeseung not deserving to have him by his side. A thought that would leave his mind once and for all after that dawn.

Heeseung would submit to his desires for the first time in his life on that cold June morning. No longer thinking about whether he deserved it or not, just thinking about whether or not he wanted it, and Heeseung wanted it . Heeseung wanted Jongseong in his life, he wanted Jongseong to stay by his side as long as the latter doesn’t object, perhaps even until the end of their lives. But that dawn, as Jongseong softly held his cheeks, above all else; Heeseung wanted to kiss Jongseong. A burning desire that he had hidden for the longest time in his life, a desire that outweighed everything else in his mind when he realized nothing else mattered, a desire that had almost been long forgotten.

There were moments in Heeseung’s life where he realized that Jongseong could always be something more to him. But, Heeseung being Heeseung, always thought of himself as lesser, forbidding for anything to develop as he covered them in the veils of friendship. He felt safe for a moment, it was a way to keep Jongseong in his life no matter what, a supposed guarantee for an everlasting friendship. But Heeseung always hated the veil he had placed on them.

He hated holding himself back from feeling. He hated that Jongseong was only a friend and nothing else. He hated the status the veil placed upon them, but it was Heeseung’s own choice to put it on. He lived with his views obscured since his first year in high school. He wondered how Little Heeseung would feel, knowing that in six years,  Heeseung would finally rip that damned veil off. He wondered if he would cry, knowing that he could finally let himself feel once again.

“I want to kiss you, Jongseong-ah,” Heeseung said, his heart thumping miles a second as his stomach started to churn, but his eyes stayed determined. He had made up his mind. Heeseung’s hands still trembled as he voiced out his wants for the first time in years, but he still reached out to the hand placed on his cheek. His trembling hand meeting Jongseong’s, not as cold but still trembling as his does.

Jongseong would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel nervous, his trembling hands were more than enough proof of his current nerves. But his body being his, shivered at the sudden confession. His heart felt like it was seconds away from beating out of his chest and he started getting lightheaded because of the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Out of everything that came out of Heeseung’s mouth, the last sentence was the one Jongseong thought would be impossible to hear.

“A-are you sure?” Jongseong stuttered through the question, any form of coherent thought gone as the presented fact of ‘Lee Heeseung wants to fucking kiss me!’  filled his mind.

Heeseung nodded with a smile, once again tearing up but for once, it was for something that made him smile. He had many hours to finally settle in the changes in his mind, but he had only minutes left until the sun started shining, only a few minutes for him to finally convey those years of pent-up emotions.

“Okay …” Jongseong said, with a shaky nod.

Heeseung laughed, he held Jongseong’s hand tightly and left a fluttering kiss on his palm.

Jongseong's breath hitched, and his body felt frozen on the warm summer morning.

Heeseung leaned into Jongseong’s palm for a few more moments, staring at Jongseong with those wide Bambi-like eyes that made Jongseong’s knees feel like jello.

A sudden pressing of slightly chapped lips was quick to take Jongseong back. His eyes widened as he froze, the familiar butterflies rioting in his stomach wasn’t an unwelcome feeling. His hand had been held in place, hanging in the air as the face previously pressed against it was crowding his space. Jongseong did the only thing he could do and closed his wide eyes, letting himself melt into the kiss as Heeseung continued pushing his body towards the armrest.

The kiss hilariously tasted like McDonald's and cheap mints, but the kiss was theirs and it was perfect in every way.

“Whooo, Jongseong-hyung, get some!

“Heeseung-hyung stop eating his face!”

“Fucking finally!!”

Shouts came from Sunoo, Jake, and Sunghoon not far from where the duo sat. Heeseung pulled back at the screams, a grateful smile on his face before he pressed his forehead against Jongseong’s, his lips a whisper away from once again being pressed against the younger one’s.

Jongseong’s hand was finally released from Heeseung’s grip, the once busy hand reaching for an opportunity to cup Jongseong’s face. It didn’t take long before Heeseung once again took Jongseong’s lips in his, and Jongseong just smiled into the kiss, finally reciprocating.

The shouts from their entourage didn’t lessen. It in fact grew in volume as the boys paraded themselves towards the terrace, where the new couple was too busy with each other to even care about the company and their gleeful eyes.

Heeseung finally pulled back, not before leaving a small peck on Jongseong’s glossy red lips. The pullback wasn’t fully on his own accord because a hand was pulling Heeseung by the collar. The older one laughed as he was met with a smiling Sunghoon, while Jake moved to help Jongseong sit up.

“The sun’s rising already, you idiots!” Jake said, pulling Jongseong by the hand for the latter’s first step on the sandy beach.

Jongseong could hear the rowdiness as he continued to be dragged Jake, his feet bare as he stepped on the cold white sand. The man spared a glance behind him where he was met with Heeseung surrounded by the rest of their friend group. Sunghoon and Riki had their arms around Heeseung’s shoulder, giving slightly disrespectful pets to the oldest’s head. Heeseung just laughed, too happy to even scold the younger ones.

The two’s eyes met for a moment, and Jongseong could only laugh when Heeseung sent him his widest smile. Jongseong’s feet paused, and Jake was held back by the sudden force. The younger one was about to complain until he saw where Jongseong’s gaze was set. Being the kind person he was, Jake only laughed and released his grip on Jongseong’s wrist.

Heeseung saw the action and broke apart from his meddling friends. He gave no care to their teasing exclaims, running at full speed towards a waiting Jongseong. A Jongseong who stood with open arms and a wide smile. Heeseung threw his body at the younger, knowing he would catch him, and Jongseong always did.

The two hugged as the sun slowly crept from the horizon, they embraced each other; for no other reason besides the fact that they wanted to. Heeseung left no thoughts to think about whether he deserved it or not. He no longer wanted to care about that fact. He wanted to focus on Jongseong’s arms tightly wrapped around his waist, on Jongseong’s breath warm against his neck, and on Jongseong's heart thumping against his chest.

“There’s a great view and you’re missing it~!”  Sunoo called as he walked past the couple.

Heeseung lifted his face from the crook of Jongseong’s neck. He could see the color red bleeding into the horizon as the sun slowly rose, bathing the calming waves in hues of warm colors. The yellow dwarf was letting its light move and color the scenery around it, the once coldness gone as it willingly lent its warmth. 

Heeseung wished he actually gave a damn about the scenery.

Because in front of him was Park Jongseong. Park Jongseong bathed in the morning light, Park Jongseong letting his every feature be emphasized by the light and shadows, Park Jongseong letting himself be cut into a silhouette by the sun. 

Handsome, beautiful, and ethereal as ever, Park Jongseong stood with his warmest smile. Heeseung wished his vocabulary was as extensive as Jongseong’s because there was not a word he could find in his mind that would be enough to describe the feeling Jongseong brought in Heeseung’s body, and no adjective could even be remotely appropriate to describe what Jongseong looked like in Heeseung’s eyes.

Hundreds of words passed through Heeseung’s thoughts, each a different variety of gratefulness but neither enough. Heeseung paused as he saw Jongseong’s figure in front of him, his cheek kissed by Sol’s orange hues. Heeseung chose to cup Jongseong’s cheeks once more.

“Thank you, Jongseong-ah,” Heeseung said, the sentence too simple and could never be enough to really convey just how much Heeseung felt.

But, Jongseong only nodded and the warm feeling was quick to spread back in Heeseung’s being. The younger proceeded to place a soft kiss on Heeseung’s lips. “I think ‘I like you' would've been more appropriate, though,” Jongseong said after he pulled them apart.

Heeseung laughed, his mind finally feeling free and his shoulders feeling lighter. “Alright then,” he paused to look Jongseong in the eye, “I like you, Park Jongseong.”

Despite all romantic expectations, Jongseong clicked his tongue and looked at Heeseung disapprovingly, “I’m not sure I like it when you say it after I tell you to …” he said feigning disapproval.

Heeseung scoffed and turned his gaze with a shake to his head. “Then, I take it back,” Heeseung replied, sparing an indifferent gaze towards Jongseong before looking at their, curiously four, friends who were playing in the water. The scenery was quick to change back into Jongseong’s mischievous eyes when a hand guided Heeseung’s face back towards Jongseong.

“I like you too, Heeseung-hyung.” 

The sentence was simple, so simple that Heeseung felt a tiny bit sad that the wind picked it up so quickly. But, it was enough. Actually, it was more than enough when it came from Jongseong’s mouth. Heeseung just decided to once again lean in.

“Stop kissing and let’s take a picture together!” Their almost kiss was interrupted by Jake’s voice and the sudden feeling of Jongseong being pulled away from his grasp.

Heeseung turned to look at their friend, Jake’s hand was waving his polaroid camera in the air as his other dragged Jongseong towards their other friends. Heeseung wanted to be a little bit greedy, to pull Jongseong back just so he could have a taste of his sweet lips once more. But Jongseong just smiled at him, that wide crooked smile with his crescent-like eyes, he tilted his head towards the group, and Heeseung would be crazy to deny that for him.

He ran towards the others while Jake called out a staff member at their pension to take the photo. Jake apologized curtly for the inconvenience while shaking the staff’s hand with a wide smile. It didn’t take long for the man to nod his head, a smile mirroring Jake’s as his hand briefly went into his pants pocket.

“Are we all in frame?” Sunghoon asked from beside Jake after they all got together.

The staff member shook his head, “I’m sorry, but the ones on the ends aren’t in the frame,” he said, referring to Jungwon and Sunghoon.

Heeseung laughed when he saw Jungwon jumped on Riki’s back and Sunghoon moved behind Jake until his head popped up in between Heeseung and the latter.

“How about now?” Sunghoon asked, casually wrapping his arms around Jake’s shoulder, basically giving the latter a back hug.

The staff member nodded, “Okay, I will be taking the picture now ….”

Heeseung smiled when Jongseong placed his arms around Heeseung’s, smiling brightly as the flash from the polaroid camera went off.

The seven of them stayed there for a few more minutes, Jake rushing back into their room to put down his camera before barreling down on the shore and splashing anyone in his way. They splashed each other with water as if they had no cares in the world. Sunoo’s hoodie was discarded somewhere on the beach, leaving the high schooler in a thin black T-shirt. Riki threw his—or Sunghoon would passionately say, his— flannel on top of Sunoo’s hoodie, staying in a gray sleeveless shirt for the rest of their time. Jungwon accidentally dropped Jongseong’s jacket in the water, and the older one violently splashed the younger with water in retaliation.

Heeseung stood and watched his friends play with a fond smile on his face, his mind was finally registering how lucky he was to have the other six boys in his life. Heeseung was about to go on a nostalgia trip in his mind, but his sentiments were quick to dissipate when a sudden splash of seawater hit his face, and a peal of very familiar laughter was heard not far in front of him.

“Yah, Park Jongseong! You’re gonna pay for that!” Heeseung smiled, he could think about his life and everything else that the future holds later. 

At that time, he just wanted to chase after Jongseong, to lift his body and place him under the crashing waves, and that was exactly what he did. His body was warm, not only from the invading sunlight but from the new warmth swiveling in his heart. 

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

12:18 PM

Gangneung Sea Pension

Haean-ro, Sacheon-myeon

In retrospect, Jongseong should’ve seen everything coming. 

When seven students go on an almost cross-country road trip at fuck AM in the morning, and spend their night, slash morning, playing until six AM. They were all bound to sleep in. 

What Jongseong didn’t see coming, was the fact that they were all too tired to even wash the sand off their feet and passed out on the three futons in the living room, instead of the two full beds upstairs. All seven of them.

Jongseong knew he shouldn’t be mad, but the beautiful pension was now covered in sand from terrace to living room and the rest of them are still snoozing off in dreamland without a care in the world. Jongseong wished he could also sleep in like the rest of them, however, the scratchy sand on his back was becoming too uncomfortable for him to keep on sleeping. 

A heavy arm being wrapped around his waist was slightly putting Jongseong in a predicament. He wanted to get up and start cleaning, maybe order some room service so the others won’t complain the second they wake up because of rumbling stomachs. But there he was, practically pinned on the futon by Heeseung’s heavy arm, and Jongseong wished he felt a little bit uncomfortable because of the gesture because he honest to God loved it.

“Hyung,” Jongseong whispered to the person comfortably laying on the same pillow as him. A small voice in his head wished Heeseung didn’t hear and kept his arms around Jongseong.

Heeseung whined at Jongseong’s voice, and the small voice in Jongseong’s head started sighing. It didn’t take long for it to start cheering though, because Heeseung was tightening his arm around Jongseong’s waist instead of letting go, “A few more minutes, Jongseong-ah,” Heeseung whined while burrowing his face in the crook of Jongseong’s neck.

Jongseong was too weak to say no to that, and he let Heeseung rest. His own eyelids quickly fell heavy not long after that, a small smile etched on his face.

———

Friday, June 25th, 2021

07:23 PM

Gangneung Sea View Pension

Haean-ro, Sacheon-myeon

“Jongseong-hyung, can we order some tteokbokki?”

“Heeseung-hyung, stop eating all the ramyeon!”

“Someone take this plate of meat, please!”

Jongseong fixed the glasses on the bridge of his nose, roughly shoving his bangs back as he continued to flip a few pieces of cut samgyeopsal—Sunghoon’s special request. Jongseong nodded at Sunoo’s request and yelled at him to order whatever he wanted. He also discreetly fed himself a piece of cooked meat.

“Jongseong-hyung,” Jungwon’s voice came as the younger one hooked his chin on Jongseong’s shoulder. Jongseong didn’t even have to look to know that the younger’s eyes were widened in a pleading manner. “Can we order ice cream too?” Jungwon’s voice was laced in a sweet tone as he requested the extra menu. 

The action made Jongseong roll his eyes before nodding with a fond smile. 

“Yes! Jongseong-hyung, you’re the best!” Jungwon exclaimed, placing a soft kiss on Jongseong’s cheek that made him cringed. 

Jongseong turned his head when he heard Heeseung laugh at the gesture. The older one immediately bit his lip and averted his gaze, feigning ignorance. Jongseong threw a piece of onion his way, hitting Heeseung straight in the head and making the older pout towards Jongseong. The younger one stuck his tongue towards the older before going back to grilling the meat for—an annoyingly whiny—Sunghoon.

“Jongseong-ah, how much longer~~~?” Sunghoon’s aegyo-laced voice made goosebumps rise on Jongseong’s body.

“I’m throwing the whole batch away if you keep that bullshit up~~” Jongseong replied, his own tone artificially sweet and quickly making Sunghoon halt his words.

A few more flips later, a serving of meat was brought by Jay to the unlit fire pit-turned-table. Sunghoon let out a few cheers and the others groaned at the sight of more food . Jake had even chosen to look away, walking until he stood leaning against the railing to look towards the beach. Jongseong groaned as he took a seat beside Heeseung, taking a pair of chopsticks the older handed for him before shoving a piece of meat in his mouth, finally getting a chance to properly eat after cooking for the others for the past hour.

“Ahhh, Jongseongie is always the best at cooking,” Sunghoon borderline moaned as he chewed on the soft meat, continuing his praises by saying the meat practically melted on his tongue. Everyone else booed at his dramatics, even Jake turned to show a look of disgust when he saw Sunghoon’s obscene way of eating, practically swallowing the meat without chewing. Now, it was Jongseong’s turn to wonder if Jake really had a crush on Sunghoon like he always said he does.

Heeseung ignored the commotion around him and continued to slurp his ramyeon as the others started scolding Sunghoon—who really gave no shit about anything that wasn’t the plate of samgyeopsal in front of him. 

Jongseong turned to look at Heeseung after he finished his own plate of meat, wanting to talk to the older man. But the younger could only tilt his head when he saw Heeseung’s pupils practically running away from his gaze. It was as if Heeseung was placing his stare on every single object except Jongseong’s eyes.

Heeseung continued to ignore Jongseong, choosing to laugh at Riki’s outright refusal to eat Sunoo’s unfinished tteokbokki. The youngest was scolding the older for ordering even when he was almost full. Heeseung watched as Sunoo pouted at Riki before changing his target, begging for Jungwon to finish the tteokbokki for him, but his classmate only took a bite of ice cream and proceeded to not say anything else while looking Sunoo straight in the eyes. Sunoo had to go full-on aegyo for Riki to finally listen to him, begrudgingly finishing the former’s tteokbokki. Heeseung laughed at the chaotic trio and continued to eat his ramyeon, not before sparing a worried glance towards Jongseong.

Jongseong laughed and nodded understandingly, “How many have you had?” Jongseong asked Heeseung, drinking a cup of cola after he finished eating some kimbap. 

In any other circumstances, Jongseong would’ve been talking about alcohol, be it beer, soju, or the occasional vodka and tequila. But that time, his eyes weren’t on the mostly empty soju bottle in front of Heeseung. Nope, instead, they were on the half-eaten cup ramyeon in Heeseung’s hands.

The older paused mid-slurp, eyes shifting until they met Jongseong’s intrigued ones. Heeseung continued to slurp the rest of his noodles, timidly placing his chopsticks down as he chewed to lift four fingers. 

Jongseong’s eyes widened and he let out a chuckle of disbelief, “I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and guess that that’s your fourth cup?” Jongseong asked, his face accompanied with a fond smile that Heeseung was so familiar with, Jongseong’s eyes were basically gleaming in the white terrace light.

Heeseung swallowed and reminded himself to stop getting distracted by how, unfairly, handsome Jongseong was. He slowly shook his head, raising his hand once again, that time with all five fingers standing.

Jongseong let his mouth fall with a small gasp, “You have issues, Hyung,” he said casually with a shake of his head. Jongseong didn’t say another word when he took the cup ramyeon from Heeseung’s hands, slurping down the noodles as Heeseung looked at him offendedly.

Heeseung could hear Sunghoon and Riki groan from eating too much, as well as Sunoo chatting animatedly to Jungwon about one of their classmates, but his eyes could only stay on the, now empty, bowl of ramyeon in Jongseong’s hands. Heeseung was sure he only blinked once in the time it took for Jongseong to finish the bowl.

With a satisfied groan and a carbonated burp, Jongseong leaned against the bench holding his satisfied stomach. “Your ramyeon quota of the week has been filled, Hyung,” Jongseong said casually as his gaze fell on a speechless Heeseung. “ I’m not letting you have a single bite when we get to Odaesan.”

“Now, that’s just cruel, Jongseong-ah ….” Heeseung held his chest and shook his head slowly.

Jongseong laughed and placed an arm around Heeseung, “Feeling better, Hyung?” he asked softly with a tilt to his head.

Heeseung’s eyebrows turned as his face softened with a smile. He changed positions until he was leaning into Jongseong’s side, “I can’t say you magically fixed everything, but I guess you helped me realize a thing or two,” Heeseung replied, looking at his nails as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Jongseong’s offended laugh made Heeseung turn with a mischievous smile. “I’m kidding ... thank you, Jongseong-ah. You really did help me realize something very important.”

Jongseong smiled with a nod, he was glad to see Heeseung act carefree as he always did in the rare moments when he wasn’t being swallowed by his thoughts. Heeseung’s attitude towards them didn’t change much, the oldest had always been a very cheeky person who loved to mess around with them. But, at times, his gaze seemed hesitant, a contrast to the seemingly wide smile that always decorated his face. Heeseung used to look like he was holding himself back in some ways, and Jongseong was glad he could finally see the elder look weightless as he smiled his bright smile.

“I might need some time until I can finally understand what I should do and how I should do it. But, I think I’m heading in the right direction.” Heeseung ran his hand through Jongseong’s hair and the younger just leaned it, planting a small kiss that left Heeseung pleasantly surprised.

It was as natural as the running rivers, as soft as the breeze blowing towards the sea, and as easy as breathing. The slight change in their dynamic really didn’t change much, Jongseong still stayed by Heeseung’s side, a constant that would never change no matter the variable, they just kissed more.

“Okay lovebirds, cut it out …” Sunghoon’s voice called out, unnervingly close to them.

The two turned their gazes without so much of a jump. Their bored expressions quickly turned to excitement when they were greeted with a box of sparklers in Sunghoon’s hand.

“The others are already at the beach,” Sunghoon continued, tilting his head in the direction of shouting not far from where they were. They didn’t even realize they had been left behind.

Heeseung and Jongseong didn’t need time to think. Heeseung took the box from Sunghoon’s hands in one hand, and held Jongseong in the other, running towards the beach where the rest of them were already playing with their own sparklers. Sunghoon’s annoyed shouts just made them run faster, towards the small sparkles of light that were scattered around the beach.

Jake had been taking pictures of the others with his polaroid camera, the camera changing hands a few times as he used his free time to flirt—or more appropriately, argue—with Sunghoon. Film after film was being developed as the sun finally rested on the west, leaving a dark blanket of blue in the sky.

Heeseung looked at the array of light scattered around him as his friends ran across the beach, each having their faces illuminated by the artificial light. When Jake’s camera reached his hands, Heeseung did his best to capture the beautiful view in front of him.

A developing paper was kept safely in Heeseung’s pockets as the man ran towards his view; a smiling Jongseong whose face was illuminated by a hue of bright yellow.

———

Saturday, June 26th, 2021

11:14 AM

Gangneung Sea Pension

Haean-ro, Sacheon-myeon

“Alright, let’s move people!” Jungwon said with his hands clapping.

The older part of the group could only look at the high schooler with wide eyes and suppressed chuckles. They exchanged glances before bursting into laughter.

“He’s got guts, I have to appreciate that,” Jongseong said before walking out of their rent house’s door, ruffling Jungwon’s hair as he passed. The rest followed with bellows of laughter, also ruffling the hair of a furrowed eyebrow Jungwon.

Jungwon pouted and shouted back, “I was trying something out!” He fixed the strap of his bag and followed the older group out of the door, letting a still laughing Heeseung close the door behind them.

The check-out process didn’t even take five minutes as the group was already loading their bags into the trunk not long after. They crowd into the car in the exact same order as before, Jake immediately plugging his phone on the aux cord, while the youngest trio waved sadly towards the beach.

“Now, I’m gonna give everyone two choices,” Jongseong said, lowering the Seventeen song playing on the speakers before he shifted to look at the others, “We can either go to Odaesan National Park now and check-in at the pension afterward, or we can go to the pension now and go to Odaesan after we check-out tomorrow. In both cases, we check-out on Sunday, around noon.”

“Can’t we stay for an extra day?” Jake asked with a pout, mumbles of agreements following him.

Jongseong gave a look towards an apologetic Riki, “Riki is going to Japan to live with his dad for the summer and his flight’s on Monday morning …” Jongseong explained for the youngest, who in turn sent the others a sorry smile. “I wanted to extend past the weekend too and Heeseung-hyung already said he’d send the kids back on Monday, but Riki’s mom called Heeseung-hyung about this yesterday night. So we can’t really do anything about it ….”

The others sighed as they contemplated the choices they had.

“Would Heeseung-hyung be okay with driving after going to Odaesan tomorrow? Wouldn’t he be too tired?” Sunoo asked with concern in his eyes, the others nodded while Heeseung was surprised he was even part of the consideration.

Heeseung turned and gave them a reassuring smile, “I’m fine with any plan, don’t worry…”

“Let’s just go to Odaesan, now,” Jungwon pitched from the back seat. “We can go to the pension when we’re tired and just talk around dinner,” he continued with an amazingly convincing facial expression. 

Sunghoon nodded at the suggestion, “I agree, it’s been a while since we properly talked to one another.”

A chorus of agreements soon came and Heeseung started driving not long after that. With the loop of Jake’s road trip playlist, the group set off to a place where the air is just a little bit thinner but the view was a thousand times more beautiful.

———

ENHA ROAD TRIP DAY 1

———

Saturday, June 26th, 2021

12:16 PM

Odaesan National Park

Odaesan-ro, Jinbu-myeon

A slight oversight to their so-called brilliant plan would come in the form of the bleeding summer sun.

A shining sun would usually be accepted during a hike, if said hike wasn’t taking place at the start of summer when the temperatures were on a steady rise. Groans—mostly from Sunoo and Sunghoon—greeted the sun rays pointing towards their bodies as they all continued to follow the easiest hiking trail that could be done in the national park.

Thirty minutes of hiking time left the group in front of Woljeongsa Temple, a Buddhist temple where they decided to stop and rest for a few moments after paying their respects. They shared a bottle of water as only three people remembered to bring a drink—namely Jongseong, Jake, and Sunoo. They stayed until their bodies cooled down, taking shade under the few trees scattered around the temple’s courtyard, fanning their bodies with their hands or shirts.

A few moments later, they all took off once again. It had only been a few hundred meters from the temple, but it was as if any form of civilization vanished. Man-made structures seemed to lessen with every passing minute, the area around them blooming in green with that familiar scent of forest dew.

The trees provided additional shade, giving the seven of them at least some sort of protection from the blinding sun. Walking along the tall trees with their leaves roofing over their heads, they were all starting to enjoy the hike a bit more. An excited Riki was at the very front of the trail, followed by a chatting Jungwon and Jake with his trusty polaroid. Sunghoon and Sunoo followed not far behind them, arguing with one another about whatever topic they decided to disagree on that day. Heeseung and Jongseong stayed at the very back, walking leisurely along the path as they kept each other company with their silence.

A clearing could be seen after they walked for another kilometer or two, the bright sun once again greeting them with its warmth. The forest path stopped and opened to a shallow running river that was littered with rocks. Riki jumped on one of them, the possibility of slipping not even passing through his head. 

“Be careful, idiot!” Jungwon called, hand reaching Riki’s to support his weight. The youngest one smiled with no care, tugging on Jungwon’s hand to join him.

The rest of them scattered around the river quickly, Sunghoon and Sunoo taking off their shoes to dip their feet in the running water. While Heeseung, Jake, and Jongseong chose to talk with each other just at the river bank.

Time seemed to pass faster where they were. The once scorching sun just barely gave out a comforting warmth as it started to settle near the horizon. The once bright blinding light fell into the visiting twilight, merging the yellows and blues until a pink hue emerged.

The group spent the majority of their time enjoying themselves at the river. Each using their time to talk with another and never spending more than ten minutes with just one partner. It wasn’t intentional, conversations were constantly being cut off by another or with an invitation for messing around. They spent much time running around the riverbank, wide smiles crossing their faces as exclamations left their mouths.

By the end of their hike, Heeseung was no longer by Jongseong’s side, the younger was walking alongside Jake to talk about the ‘cool rock’ Jongseong found on the river, the earth sciences major completely nerding out to the willing astronomy major. Heeseung was instead talking with Sunoo and Riki, asking the two high schoolers about any new events that happened, an inquiry that Sunoo answered excitedly with the latest drama of their notorious high school. Sunghoon and Jungwon were at the back of the group, the two former athletes talking to one another about the pictures Jake took while they were at the river, laughing at some of the failed attempts of an aesthetically pleasing picture.

With content sighs and a warm thrum to their hearts, the group departed towards their pension just as the sun was starting its descent down the horizon. Heeseung took one look around him, at the people who had been with him from the very start, and a smile started to emerge on his handsome face. He put his arms around an unsuspecting Riki and Sunoo, running as they left the sleeping sun behind them with bellows of laughter leaving their lungs.

———

Saturday, June 26th, 2021

08:39 PM

Sisilli Pavilion 

Tapdong-gil, Jinbu-myeon

“No, Heeseung-hyung’s the oldest so he goes first!” Sunoo’s voice came a few moments after dinner had ended. Well at it ended for most of them as Jake, Jongseong, and Heeseung were still enjoying some snacks.

“I didn’t know that applied to confession time?!” Heeseung asked, a confused smile on his face.

“It does now, come on Heeseung-hyung confess something!”

Heeseung laughed at the sentence that came out of Sunoo’s mouth, shaking his head slightly as he put down the cup ramyeon he was eating. Jongseong gave up forbidding the food the second Heeseung looked at him pleadingly with the Shin Cup Ramyeon in his hands, letting the older eat to his heart’s content—while also hoping for his moderation in consuming it.

“Hmmm, I don’t think I have anything to confess, though?” Heeseung said, a tilt to his head as he pursed his lips in thought. His words were met with howls of disagreement from the six boys, every single one shaking their heads disapprovingly. “There’s really nothing!” he exclaimed, eyes widening when more howls came afterward.

“Then why did you seem so weird at the start of the trip?” Jake asked, putting down the sausage he was eating on his plate.

Silence came to surround the picnic table of their pension’s terrace, only the rustling wind was still loud; not understanding the sudden darkening mood. Jake turned to look Heeseung straight in the eyes, the oldest could only gulp as he wondered how he was supposed to get out of that situation. Jongseong placed down the cup he was drinking, hand placing a comforting grip on Heeseung’s thigh. A few squeezes made Heeseung turn towards the younger, eyes pleading for his help in answering the question. Jongseong didn’t reply, he instead gave Heeseung slow nods, his hand moved to hold Heeseung’s sweating ones.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, Hyung.” Sunghoon’s voice could be heard from beside Heeseung, completely patient without an ounce of hastiness. He gave the older one a pat on the shoulder, rubbing soothingly with a small smile. “We were just worried about you, that’s all.”

The others nodded in agreement, faces turned with worry as Heeseung cursed the dampening mood. 

Heeseung took a deep breath, “Anyone else an almost last term university student who has their parents placing huge amounts of expectations on them?” Heeseung asked, his mouth turning into a smile while his eyes stayed dim. “None? Just me?” Heeseung continued when neither of them spoke or even shook their heads, frozen in their places.

“I don’t mean to scare everyone, but it’s really scary being one you know?” Heeseung drank the small amount of tea still left in his cup, the others still waiting for him to continue speaking. “It’s not much, I was just really worrying about what I’m gonna do in the future and what I’m gonna do if I end up being a total failure. No big deal.” Heeseung ended his words with a laugh and a shrug. What he said may have not been the full story, but at least he didn’t lie to them, what he said was the gist of his issues. He picked up his forgotten cup ramyeon and once again started eating.

“It must have been hard, Hyung.” Jungwon’s voice came from in front of him after a few minutes of deafening silence, the younger one’s eyes were filled with pity as were the eyes of the others.

Heeseung isn’t sure whether he should feel bad or grateful for them. He shook his head at the looks, “It’s honestly fine, guys. This trip was a really good breather for me,” Heeseung paused, squeezing Jongseong’s hand slightly, “I’m not perfect, but I’m definitely better now!” he said, turning to face Jongseong with a grateful smile, the younger one smiled back with a nod. “Now, would you rather listen to me moping around, or would you rather hear about that one time Jongseong almost got suspended because he broke an important sample in his mineralogy lab?”

When they heard the possibility of golden boy Jongseong’s almost suspension, the rest of the group perked up like meerkats, their necks straightened as their eyes all glowed in the dim lighting. Jongseong was protesting from Heeseung’s side, but his voice of disapproval was ignored by everyone, too busy laughing over the panic in his face to really care.

The night passed as it usually would, the seven talking about anything and everything while skillfully dodging any topic that might raise any uncomfortable feelings in between them. The chaotic trio bid their goodbyes to the older boys, bodies tired as they wanted to head to bed before everyone else. Expectant eyes all fell on Jake, the boy was usually the one who fell asleep first but he stayed seated with a can of beer in his hand.

“I’m not tired yet,” Jake said, taking another sip of beer as the rest looked at each other questioningly. Jongseong and Heeseung stayed in their seats, meanwhile, Sunghoon moved to sit by Jake’s side.

They paid him no mind, deciding to use the rest of their time to continue Sunghoon’s story of the recent scandals in the liberal arts department. 

———

Saturday, June 27th, 2021

00:08 AM

Sisilli Pavilion 

Tapdong-gil, Jinbu-myeon

“Tell us your whole story, Heeseung-hyung.” Jake’s voice finally emerged after almost an hour of doing nothing but drinking his thoughts away. 

Heeseung turned his gaze, his movement paused as he was just about to drink another shot of soju. “What?” he asked, his head tilted at the sudden question. Jongseong and Sunghoon followed Heeseung’s movement, their heads tilting to the side as they all gazed at Jake. 

“The reason you were so weird at the start of the trip … tell us your reason for that.” Jake propped his chin on his palm and stared pointedly at Heeseung. The younger one didn’t care that he made the mood drop with his sudden seriousness, his curiosity too strong to suppress. 

Sunghoon placed a hand on Jake’s shoulder, “Yah, what if you make him uncomfortable?” He turned to look at Heeseung, “It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, Hyung.”

Heeseung ignored Sunghoon and kept looking at Jake. He could see the genuine worry in Jake’s face and it was obvious he was asking because he didn’t fully believe Heeseung’s assurance of his improving conditions. Heeseung let out a small breath and placed the still full shot glass on the table, “It’s fine, Sunghoon-ah. I’ll tell you guys …” 

Jongseong hadn’t said a word throughout the interaction, a warm palm placed on Heeseung’s thigh as he continued to stare at the table, not once raising his head.

“I didn’t think I deserved to go on this trip,” Heeseung finally confessed with a small smile. He laughed slightly at the confused expression on the youngest of the four faces. “I know it sounded weird considering I asked you guys to come on this trip, but I really did feel like I didn’t deserve to go on it at the start.”

Jongseong lifted his face, he had just realized that the morning talk between him and Heeseung never really talked about this matter, but more about Heeseung’s thoughts and their relationship. He decided to lean back and quietly listen to Heeseung. 

Jake was the first one to speak, his question was simple and straightforward. It was a question that Heeseung knew he would get, but it didn’t stop his thumping heart any less. “Why?” Jake asked, his face stern.

Heeseung didn’t immediately answer, he paused with a breathless laugh, gaze falling as he looked at his own fidgeting thumbs. “I suddenly remembered that I basically didn’t do anything this past semester and didn’t think I deserve a break, especially one like this.” Heeseung blinked his eyes before once again choosing to stare at Jake. “My paper got rejected, I didn’t manage to win a grand prize at the competition I was in, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything phenomenal in my midterms. Why should I think of having a break after all of my failures?”

Jongseong wanted to raise his voice, he could guess Heeseung’s reason for being off at the start of the trip, but he didn't know the details as to why he could have felt like that.

Jake bit his lips as he contemplated his response, so he decided to turn towards Jongseong. “Did you already knock some senses into him or am I allowed to give him a piece of my mind?” Jake asked Jongseong

Jongseong stayed quiet for a few moments, he wanted to comfort the oldest after his newfound knowledge but he decided to chuckle slightly instead. “Be my guest,” Jongseong said, hand gesturing towards Heeseung, he had already said what needed to be said in between them.

“What matters is you did something, Hyung. You tried, and that in itself is more than enough,” Jake said, a reminiscence of what Jongseong said, slightly different, but just as powerful. “Even the act of doing something is draining, Hyung. Even machines need a break after doing something nonstop, even when they don’t yield the results expected, they are still given a break so they don’t experience burnout. Those are machines, Hyung. We’re humans.” Jake moved to hold Heeseung’s hand across the table.

Heeseung turned his hand to squeeze Jake’s hand back, “Ooh, Sim Jaeyoon, since when are you so wise?” Heeseung asked with a wide smile. Jake’s words were kept in his brain alongside Jongseong’s, another set of words to remind Heeseung of a better way to see the world.

“I’ve always been wise,” Jake replied with his own smile as he squeezed Heeseung’s hands a bit more. “If you ever start thinking like that again, I hope you can be brave enough to talk to us instead of holding it all by yourself, Hyung. If it’s validation, a reason, or even a voice of comfort that you need, just know that we’ll provide it for you no matter what.” Jake continued with an even wider smile, Heeseung thought it looked a little bit like home.

Heeseung wished he could stop his eyes from watering, but the warmth from around him was no longer bearable. He let himself be engulfed by the comfort basically pushed onto him. From Jake’s words, Sunghoon’s silence, and Jongseong’s mere presence, they all emitted such an unfamiliar warmth towards Heeseung, a fuzzy feeling in his body that made him want to cry out with laughter of disbelief. Heeseung chose to nod, words of gratitude escaping his mouth in small whispers barely audible in the night wind.

Sunghoon and Jake moved with coos as the eldest decided to put his head down, they all decided to wrap their arms around Heeseung, who finally knew he shouldn’t wonder about why he deserved them. They were already willingly there for Heeseung. He just needed to accept them with his arms, and heart, wide open.

———

Saturday, June 27th, 2021

06:23 AM

Sisilli Pavilion 

Tapdong-gil, Jinbu-myeon

The air was clear on that fine morning, it was an hour after sunrise and someone was already sitting on the barely cleaned-up picnic table on their terrace. A sudden yawn made the man turn his body, a smile blooming like that of the peonies in the garden in front of him. 

“You’re up early,” the newcomer said, rubbing his bare arms as he got used to the ever-warming morning. He took a seat next to the person already occupying the picnic table, leaning his head on the latter’s shoulder with a content sigh. 

“You’re the first one up as usual …” Heeseung replied to Jongseong with his own smile, taking the younger’s arms to place it around his waist.

The two stayed sat in the sun’s gaze, enjoying the morning shine with their eyes closed and lips upturned. They spent a few moments in silence, always enjoying each other’s company regardless of what was spoken between them, one another’s presence enough of a reminder that they would always be by each other’s side.

A sudden shift made Jongseong open his eyes, head tilting adorably as he saw Heeseung turn in his seat to face him. Jongseong stayed quiet as Heeseung only stared at him, a ghost of a smile on his lips, a familiar string of The Ridleys’ lyrics crossing his mind. 

In that morning birds were chirping

and the grass was wet with dew.

Then and there, I saw the world

from a different point of view 

That morning, they were also accompanied by chirping birds, flying across the air until they landed on the rooftop, singing their morning calls to the entire pension. Heeseung was sure that the grass around them was also wet with dew, the blooming peonies scattering light with the drops of water hanging off its petals. But Heeseung wasn’t sure if he saw the world from a different point of view. He was, however, sure that his current view was the most beautiful one in the world as Jongseong just might be the most handsome man in existence. Heeseung reminded himself to thank the heavens for creating someone as beautiful as Jongseong.

“You’re staring,” Jongseong said with a smile wider than before.

Heeseung chuckled slightly and nodded, “I know.” His hands moved until they were cupping Jongseong’s cheeks, “You’re so pretty, Jongseong-ah.”

The sentence made Jongseong’s eyes turn into crescents, his ears and cheeks warming up in Heeseung’s hold. Jongseong decided to place his thumb on Heeseung’s chin, barely lifting Heeseung’s face up before saying, “You’re prettier, Hyung.”

They stayed like that for a good hour, giggling and laughing like high schoolers in love for the very first time, exchanging gaze and kisses like it was their very last day together. They were still accompanied by the shining sun, birds still chirped on the rooftop as if gossiping about the view they saw, and morning dew still hugged the green grass tightly afraid to let go. Above all of that, they were still Heeseung and Jongseong, still two best friends more often than not seen doing anything and everything together, but now with a few more kisses in between.

It would take another hour before another soul emerged from their rent house, yawning with a hand scratching his belly with no care. The previously messy picnic table was already cleaned up by the two oldest not long ago and was now covered with plates of kimchi fried rice.

“Guys, Jongseongie made breakfast!” Jake called towards the house before walking towards the picnic table where Jongseong and Heeseung were already sitting.

It didn’t take long for a line of students to come out of the front door, each with their eyes half-closed, hair messy, and stomach rumbling. Sunoo looked the most put together out of everyone, probably the only one who actually bothered to wash his face before deciding to eat breakfast.

A groan of disgust made its way out of Riki’s mouth when he finally sat down on the table. The rest of the group were already eating to their heart's delight but the youngest had the misfortune of being sat in front of the new couple, who were still giggling with one another like high schoolers.

“Heeseung-hyung, can you stop flirting with your boyfriend for a few minutes, please? I’m trying to eat in peace,” Riki complained, eyes rolling exaggeratedly at his own words.

Sunoo and Jungwon held in their laughter with shaking shoulders, meanwhile Jake and Sunghoon merely smiled fondly at the youngest, looking at him like he was the most adorable thing on earth.

Heeseung tried to retaliate but was cut off by Jongseong.

“I’m not his boyfriend,” Jongseong said with a shrug, finally taking a bite of his full plate of fried rice.

That sentence brought silence onto the table, hands paused mid-bite as they all wondered whether Jongseong was actually being serious or whether he was fucking around like he always does. When no punchline came, one by one, each pair of eyes turned their gazes towards a gaping Heeseung, the oldest also taken back by Jongseong’s words.

“What do you mean, Jong—“ Heeseung cut his own words off as his eyes seemed to dart across their sockets, seemingly scanning his own memories for a potential answer before letting out a gasp, “I never officially asked you out …” Heeseung whispered to himself. “Oh My God, Park Jongseong, I never officially asked you out!” Heeseung exclaimed, turning to look at Jongseong with wide eyes.

Jongseong laughed at the sudden proximity and the panic in Heeseung’s voice, he nodded, “Yes, you never officially asked me out and I never officially asked you out …”

“S-so, we’re not boyfriends?” Heeseung’s eyebrows turned until he looked pathetically pleading. His entire world seemed to crash and burn even further when Jongseong only shook his head before continuing to gobble down his breakfast. The rest of the group merely laughed at Heeseung’s suffering.

———

Saturday, June 27th, 2021

12:27 PM

Sisilli Pavilion 

Tapdong-gil, Jinbu-myeon

The trip ended with a commemorative polaroid photo taken near the front of the house they rented. Heeseung had his hands around Jongseong’s waist while they smiled widely towards one another. Sunghoon and Jake were to their right, Sunghoon with his hands inside his hoodie pocket while Jake was leaning his body against the wooden railing. The chaotic trio filled the left frame, Jungwon leaning his head on Sunoo’s shoulder while his hand held Riki’s head up. Each of their faces was filled with smiles and crescenting eyes—half from how happy they were and half from the blinding sunlight.

As they all moved back towards Heeseung’s car, seating positions identical to when they departed, Jake once again connected his phone to the aux cord, that time playing his favorite sleep playlist. It didn’t take long for almost every person in that car to pass out, the three-day trip finally taking a toll on their bodies as they all either leaned their heads on each other’s shoulders or the car’s built-in headrest. 

Heeseung could only smile as he watched them sleep through the rearview mirror. The oldest drove off casually with one hand on the wheel, his other hand occupied with another, and was placed on Jongseong’s lap. The two oldest spent the ride talking with one another, finding topics seemingly out of mid-air and speaking animatedly whenever responding. 

With ‘Germany and Rome’ by The Ridleys playing softly in the background, Heeseung let a content smile place itself on his lips. He knew that he would cherish the warmth their small trip brought for the rest of his life and looking at the small smiles present on the others’ faces, Heeseung could only hope the rest of them did as well.

———

ENHA ROAD TRIP DAY 2

———