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Day One~ Losing Control
Sawamura Daichi has always been someone you can look up to. He’s hardworking and strong-willed. Unfortunately, with this respect comes high expectations. With high expectations comes unnecessary stress. Daichi’s always been pretty stressed, considering he has twin brothers, and with a hardworking (ahem, abusive) single mother, he’s basically raised them on his own. This, however, was never too much for him. He loves his siblings and would do anything for them. It’s not until his mother says something horrible that makes him start to question his worth.
“You know, you should really try harder in school. You clearly don’t care.”
Admittedly, Daichi’s grades were slipping. Being the captain of a national worthy volleyball team as well as managing his brothers leaves him very little time for schoolwork, and he finds himself staring at his textbooks at late hours of the night before giving up and deciding not to do that night’s homework.
The thing is, he does care. He cares so much. It’s just hard when he’s getting no help from his mother or his vice-captain. Don’t get me wrong, he loves Suga, but the guy is horrible at managing the team. If anything, all he does is egg them on.
He’s trying so hard to be a good student. A good son. He does everything his mother asks him to, whether it’s to make dinner or change her sheets, he’ll do it. He does all the work around the house, leading to him not having any free time. He cooks and cleans, and sometimes, if he doesn’t do it right, his mother will make him go hungry or restart.
He just wishes his life was normal.
Daichi sighs as Hinata starts to yell as Kageyama, the setter yelling back. As the argument worsens, Daichi realizes he has to step in before it gets physical. Before he’s able to do that, he hears Suga from across the room call Kageyama a dumbass, and an explosion of “OOOH!”’s are heard echoing throughout the gym. The captain sighs, pressing his fingers against his forehead in an effort to quell the headache building behind his eyes. Upon hearing a terrified shriek from Asahi, he knows he has to do something and looks up to see Hinata in a headlock and Kageyama looking murderous.
“ENOUGH!”
The gym goes silent, looking towards Daichi. A laugh slips from Sugawara’s lips and Daichi turns, glaring daggers into his soul. Suga falters, shocked. He’d never seen Daichi look so angry before.
“Are you all elementary schoolers?! Can we not get along for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES?!”
Tears are rapidly welling up in Daichi’s eyes, and he’s quick to wipe them away.
“I have homework I have to catch up on. Practice is over. Go the fuck home.”
Daichi turns, tears rolling down his face at a pace too fast for him to completely clear himself of the evidence. He grabs his bag, feeling a hand on his bicep. Ripping his arm away, he turns to see who dared to touch him, finding himself face to face with his worried boyfriend.
“Daichi… What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I have to go.”
“Dai…”
“Fuck off.”
Daichi leaves the gym, choking back sobs as he walks home. As he enters the house, he’s immediately instructed to wash the dishes and do his brothers’ laundry. He needs to please his mother. She works so much harder than him. He gets to work, scrubbing each dish until it’s spotless, knowing if there’s even a speck of something on one, he’ll have to redo them all. Once the dishes are done, he makes his way upstairs to the twin’s room, grabbing their laundry and walking to the bathroom, throwing the clothes in and starting the washing machine. While he waits, he decides to get started on some homework, but he’s interrupted by one of his brothers asking for help on his math. Of course, Daichi can’t say no, so he agrees and helps him. He finishes up the laundry, and once he’s finally ready to sit down to do his homework, his mother tells him to make dinner.
With tears in his eyes, he makes his way back downstairs, walking back into the kitchen and getting started on dinner. He decides a simple rice and salmon dish will be nice and starts cooking. Once it’s finally done, he calls his family to eat, sighing as he realizes he's not made enough, meaning he’s going to go hungry. Again.
With a wistful glance back at the table, Daichi goes up to his room, sitting down at his desk and pulling out his math textbook. He groans, not really understanding the work but knowing he has to do it anyways. After looking back in the book, he's finally able to complete the first question, and then the next, and the next. He’s nearly halfway through the fourth problem when his mother calls him down to do the dishes again. He sighs, placing his pencil down and going down to the kitchen, seeing his mom standing there, furious.
“Who do you think you are? Going upstairs when you know you should be down here cleaning the plates. Unbelievable.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I was doing homework-”
“Excuses. Excuses. When are you going to learn?”
Daichi puts his head down, apologizing again. His mother leaves with a huff and Daichi watches as she walks away before getting started on the dishes, again scrubbing each plate clean. Once he’s finally, finally done, he goes back upstairs to finish his homework. He feels defeated as he looks at the problem, realizing that now that he’s lost his rhythm, he has no idea what to do. He struggles his way through the math sheet, finally finishing and moving on to his History homework. By the time he’s completely finished, it’s nearing midnight, so he closes his laptop and climbs into bed, hoping that tomorrow will be better.
Life goes on, and at some point, it becomes almost overwhelming. He quits the volleyball team with no explanation and picks up a job, working hard to support himself and his family. His mother continues to make comments, but what really gets to him is one about his weight.
Daichi sets some dinner on the table, his plate noticeably smaller than the rest of his family’s. His mother tuts, shaking her head.
“Do you really need that? You’re not working out anymore. You’re getting fat and disgusting.”
Daichi puts his head down, shaking his head and distributing the rice and eggs onto everyone else’s plate. He tells his mom he’s going to head to practice, determined to get the weight he’s gained (lost) off.
As he walks into the gym, the whole team turns to look at him. Their faces light up and they all run over to him, ecstatic to see him. He doesn’t understand. He’s a failure.
He tells them all to get back to practice and sits down, beginning his warm-ups. He hears Hinata and Nishinoya call Sugawara captain multiple times, and he doesn’t know why, but it really hurts. He knows that he’s going to have to earn the title back, but it still stings.
Will he ever earn it back?
Is he even good enough for that?
He sighs, shaking his head and standing up. The team practices receives, and as good as Daichi is, he can’t help but think he’s horrible. He tries and tries and tries but nothing is working. Nothing is perfect.
Nothing is good enough.
Nothing.
Nothi-
“Daichi!”
Daichi looks up, and he realizes he has tears rolling down his face. He lets out a heavy sob, shaking his head and burying his head in his hands. He feels his boyfriend’s arms wrap around him and cries his stress out into his shoulder.
“Daichi. Daichi, what’s wrong?”
Everything is released. He sobs about how his mother expects so much from him but he can’t get anything right. He sobs about the stupid amount of homework he’s been getting that he simply doesn’t have time to do. He sobs about his siblings treating him like a personal tutor. He sobs about his job and how he works so late he can barely stay awake. He sobs about Hinata and Noya calling him captain and how he knows he doesn't deserve the title but he wants it so bad. He sobs about his receives and how they’ll never be good enough and how he’ll never be good enough.
“Baby… Oh, love you’re fucking perfect. Your mom is so so wrong. You’re perfect. Shit, baby. I wish you’d told me sooner. I could’ve helped you before things got out of hand.”
“B-But-”
“Shh. No buts. Your mom is abusing you and we’re gonna get you out of there. We can do our homework together every night, okay?”
Daichi nods, liking the idea of moving in with his boyfriend.
“I want you to quit your job, baby.”
“B-But-”
“Again. No buts. You’re overworking yourself.”
“O-Okay…”
“Thank you, love.”
Suga beckons the rest of the team over, and a chorus of, “Are you okay, Captain?!” and “We love you, Captain” rain down on Daichi. He starts to cry again, but this time it’s for a completely different reason.
He’s finally in control again.