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"Hm. This wine is shit," Nie Huaisang says. He pours himself another cup anyway. Serves him right for going on a night hunt in the first place, and ending up staying in some middle-of-nowhere inn. At least the wine is strong, and the edges of the world are starting to blur pleasantly.
Lan Xichen has long finished off his tea, and is picking at a bowl of peanuts. "Next time, I'll bring some Emperor's Smile along," he says lightly.
The offer, an obvious gesture of Lan Xichen's goodwill, warms Nie Huaisang's heart. Lan Xichen is the reason he's dragged himself out on this night hunt. Even if things are sometimes still a little tense between them, it's moments like these that keep Nie Huaisang coming back and trying again. He grins at Lan Xichen. "You don't have to do that, Er-ge."
"It's no trouble. I know it's popular, and I'm easily able to pick it up on my way out from Gusu." He hides his mouth with his sleeve, his eyes curved up in laughter. "It's actually quite sad that even I can tell this wine isn't up to your standards."
"Oh?" Nie Huaisang leans over on one elbow, propping up his chin so he can keep his eyes on Lan Xichen. "Have I been making faces? How can you tell?"
"You've been drinking all evening and you're hardly even tipsy," Lan Xichen says. "It must not be good, then."
"I'm not?" Nie Huaisang frowns. He feels pretty drunk. He's sleepy and comfortable, which only ever happens when he's drunk. "Er-ge, you can get just as drunk off of bad liquor, you know."
"Oh," Lan Xichen says, and his cheeks go a little pink. Nie Huaisang chuckles at that, and he takes another sip. "But then, how can you have drunk so much and still be sober?"
"Who says I'm sober?" Nie Huaisang drains the cup and grimaces. It really is bad wine.
"You're, ah. You're not as talkative as usual," Lan Xichen says. "You always get chatty when you drink. Not that that's a bad thing," he adds hastily. "I don't mind it."
Nie Huaisang understands now, and he starts laughing despite himself. "Oooh, right. Chatty and loud. And I cry a lot too, right?"
"It's really fine," Lan Xichen says, very pointedly not arguing against Nie Huaisang’s assessment. "Like I said, I really don't mind."
"Hmmm..." Nie Huaisang leans back on his hands. He probably shouldn't bring this up, but his mind is marinating in terrible liquor and he's too slow to stop his tongue. "That was all just pretend, Er-ge."
Lan Xichen looks surprised. Nie Huaisang keeps going.
"I was pretending to be like that so San-ge would drop his guard a little extra. It worked really well, too," Nie Huaisang says with maybe a little more pride than he should use around Lan Xichen. "Haven't actually been drunk in years. Kinda missed it, to tell the truth."
"That was all pretend?" Lan Xichen echoes.
"Yep. But don't worry, I'm drunk for real now." Nie Huaisang tries to wink, but he's pretty sure he closes both eyes. Oh well.
Lan Xichen's shoulders wilt a little. His fingers play with an empty peanut shell. "Oh," he says. "I guess... I shouldn't be surprised, should I."
Nie Huaisang shrugs. This wouldn't be the first time Lan Xichen needed some help connecting the dots, but Nie Huaisang doesn't hold that against him. Not anymore. "It's not your fault," he tries to reassure.
Lan Xichen shakes his head and breathes out. "I guess I thought... well." His eyes close. "It's still a shock every time," he says slowly. "I should be used to it by now, but..."
Nie Huaisang furrows his brow. He's messed up, he realizes, but he doesn't know what to do to fix it. He doesn't know how to fix any of it. But he's going to take a stab in the dark, and try anyway.
"Well, how about this," he starts. "I'm actually a really honest drunk... that's why it was all pretend in the first place, right?"
Lan Xichen opens his eyes, fixes them on Nie Huaisang. "I see," he says. His tone is perfectly neutral, and Nie Huaisang can't glean anything out of it.
"So... right now, if you wanted to ask me anything, I'd give an honest answer," Nie Huaisang says. It's the truth, and it's the only olive branch he can think to offer. "Go ahead and ask whatever you want, Er-ge."
"Whatever I..." Lan Xichen scrutinizes Nie Huaisang, who spreads his arms open, inviting Lan Xichen to take whatever he wants.
"Anything," he insists.
Lan Xichen hesitates. He opens his mouth to speak, closes it. He tilts his head, considering Nie Huaisang with wild, hungry eyes. He's too handsome, Nie Huaisang thinks. It's not fair. Being looked at like that... his mind is going places that it really shouldn't go. He pours out the last of the shitty wine and takes another quiet sip.
"...No," Lan Xichen finally says. "I shouldn't do that."
"Why not?" Nie Huaisang asks, surprised.
"It's not fair. You're intoxicated, it wouldn't be right."
At first Nie Huaisang's eyes go round. Then, he throws his head back to laugh. That serious face, that perfectly sincere delivery! No one else but Lan Xichen could have done it.
Lan Xichen looks confused. "What's so funny?"
Nie Huaisang takes a deep gasp of air and tries to stifle the laughter. "I'm sorry! You just looked so serious right there!"
"I was serious."
"I know," Nie Huaisang says, holding up his hands placatingly. "Of course you were. Oh, Er-ge, I should have known you would say that." He leans forward, crossing his arms on the table. He lets his eyelids drop a bit so he's looking at Lan Xichen through his lashes. "But are you sure? There might not be another chance. Aaaaaanything you want to ask."
Lan Xichen's cheeks start to turn pink.
"I couldn't take advantage of you like that," he says.
Nie Huaisang leans forward a little more. He sees Lan Xichen's lips part.
"Oh?" he says. "If you don't want to take advantage like that, then maybe you might want to take advantage a different way?"
Lan Xichen wets his lips and swallows. "Huaisang."
"No? I'd like it, you know. I'd love it."
Their faces are less than a foot apart, but Lan Xichen doesn't move. He looks frozen, like a mouse faced with a hawk. "...You don't mean that," he says faintly. "You're drunk."
"I said I was an honest drunk," Nie Huaisang says.
For a second, Lan Xichen sways in closer, and Nie Huaisang thinks he's really going to kiss him. But in the next moment, he reins himself in, shutters himself. He sits up properly, straightens his back and adjusts his robes.
"No," he says. "No, it's not right, not when you're like that. And we just started talking again. We can't... I can't risk ruining that."
"Fair enough," Nie Huaisang sighs. He doesn't stop himself from looking, though. He imagines his hands buried in Lan Xichen's hair, his spit slicking Lan Xichen's lips. He was so close... but Lan Xichen is right, probably. He's the one who knows how to keep people in his life. All Nie Huaisang knows how to do is break everything to pieces.
"But," Lan Xichen says, and he's pinker than ever now, "you might ask me again when you're sober. And then we can... we can talk about it, at least."
Nie Huaisang doesn't want to wait. He wants Lan Xichen now, right now, skin to skin. He wants to fall asleep curled around him, both of them sated and comfortable. He wants them to wake up together, to kiss each other in the first sleepy moments of the morning, when they're both still uncomposed and real.
But he's used to waiting for what he wants. He's grown accustomed to the taste of anticipation over the last decade or so, and this is a much sweeter thing to anticipate. He can play the long game, if that's what Lan Xichen wants.
"All right, Er-ge," he says. "Next time I'll skip the wine before I ask." He finishes off his cup, draining the last few bitter drops.
Lan Xichen's eyes soften. "OK. Thank you." He hesitates one last time. "I won't bring it up until you do, all right? In case this really was just the wine talking."
Nie Huaisang replies with a smile. "I wouldn't expect anything else. My honorable Er-ge."
Lan Xichen smiles back, and Nie Huaisang aches with the need to reach out and take his hand.
~
It's not until later--when Lan Xichen has left for his own room at the inn, and Nie Huaisang is lying awake on the lumpy bed staring at the ceiling--that it occurs to Nie Huaisang: he's an honest drunk, that much is true, but he's not a particularly honest person when sober. Nor is he that brave, by his own estimation.
He's not going to be able to bring this up again once the wine has worn off, he realizes.
For some reason, he finds this unbearably funny. He starts to snigger, draping one arm across his face to stifle the sound.
"My honorable Er-ge," he mumbles into his sleeve. His eye tear up from restrained giggles, and he wipes them away. "You'll be waiting for a while, I think."