Chapter Text
“Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.” William Shakespeare
Secret Service Gym, Washington D.C.
Aaron Hotchner could count the times he had been called a coward in his adult life on two hands. Right now, however, we would call himself one, as he got out of the car, his son in tow, to go into the gym he had been to these last few weeks, every Saturday morning. Unless he was on a case, it was more or less the same. He would take Jack, a few dog treats his son had coaxed him into buying, and drive to self-defense training.
And like every Saturday, he got two cups of coffee, two cups of hot chocolate, walked in too early, and handed one of the coffees to Alexandria Evans. Jack, with the utmost concentration, would take the chocolate, in search of Katie and the dog called 'Brutus'.
Like clockwork, Katie would take it with a hesitant smile. After saying maybe three words, Jack and her would take the puppy and get to playing.
And Alex? Alexandria, a master in hiding her real emotion despite her turbulent nature, would take a sip of the coffee with a smile on her face. It remained true today, too.
With a smile, Alex pulled him into a short hug, and Hotch had to force himself not to linger too long on it. Her hazel eyes wandered over his face and she cocked her head at him. For some reason, she could always read how his last case had gone.
Would he ever be able to tell her how much he appreciated this? Hotch felt selfish for taking advantage of it, of their friendship. But he couldn't stop. He had tried revisiting that one conversation after the Foreman case but had come up empty. And Alex had never made another attempt to speak about the topic of…them. Enough encounters and tiptoeing around it had made both of them cautious.
"Looks like a good case if I got a dash of vanilla," the blonde breathed into her cup, looking at him. Shrugging, he smiled at her. "Went by quick, and we got him before any new victims."
An honest smile spread over her lips. It made his heart clench a little.
"Now that sounds good, anything else new?"
Hotch thought about it for a few seconds, before he shook his head. "Not since last week, no."
The smile on Alex's lips turned into a smirk. Alright, I definitely missed something.
"Are you sure? Because Garcia finally went out with Tyler, and I think that's something new."
Raising his eyebrows, Hotch took a sip of his coffee.
"I didn't know," he gave back, watching Jack and Katie absentmindedly. Chuckling, Alex nudged his shoulder.
"Yesterday night. That's why she left right when you touched down. And no, I don't keep tabs on you guys, I heard Tyler talking on the phone."
Hotch turned back at her. "How did it go?"
"Oh, I don't know," she said, "I was not nosy enough to ask. But if his mood lately has been any indication, it will have gone amazing. If I get a dollar for every what flowers should I get, what restaurant question, I would be a lot richer now."
He chuckled lowly, nodding as the first few girls walked into the gym. They had been suspicious of him first, but having Alex throw him into the mat with two moves had made them warm up to him.
"What did you say?" he inquired, finishing his coffee. Furrowing her brows a little, she gave him a funny look.
"Actually, I said ask Derek. I'm pretty sure he knows her better than I do," Alex gave back, "But I also made some recommendations."
"What about the flowers?"
Shrugging, Alex pulled her hair into a ponytail. "Peonies, if you ask me. But Garcia strikes me more like a…sunflower person. Maybe Tulips. I don't know."
Hotch saved the information in his brain, giving her a small smile. "Just curious."
The look she gave him made clear one thing clear: Alex was a master in hiding her emotion if she really tried, but talking about dating, with him, still made her uncomfortable. He was as sure as an amen in the church that it had been his own fault. Wonderful. Well done. Yes, Aaron Hotchner had screwed up. And he knew it.
Behavioral Analysis Unit
On Monday, Hotch sat in his office, the sun long gone. Reviewing what his team had written, he looked up when Emily entered, a file in hand.
"Finally finished the Foreman case," she said, "It took some bureaucratic rodeo for that. Sorry for the wait."
Hotch only nodded, taking the file. Whenever he thought about the case, his mind wandered back to the explosion, and how JJ and Alex had looked when they had finally arrived. He looked at the brunette.
"Prentiss, do you think we're careless, with our lives?" he asked, not even sure where it was coming from. It had bugged him, since the case, and he just couldn't let go of the question. Emily raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?"
He exhaled, leaning back into his chair. "The Foreman case almost went wrong, and I'm wondering if it's just how this job is…or if all of us are reckless."
Lowering herself into the chair in front of his desk, Emily shrugged.
"Well, maybe. Maybe we think helping others is more important than our own safety."
It could've been the time or the fact that no one else besides her was there right now, in his dark office. Or that he had an inkling she just knew what he meant.
"Do you think we throw our lives away because we think it's worth more by saving others?" Hotch asked slowly. Emily didn't even hesitate.
"At least that. All of us should probably consider therapy," she gave back dryly, and he had to chuckle. The brunette grew serious again and looked at him. He wasn't aware how much she knew, but he knew that she and Alex talked enough that she knew a bit about what was going on with them. Or not going on with them.
"I think we do it as a deflection. It's our way out, and our way to feel worthy as if we're giving something. And I mean, we do. But we still don't let people in because when they leave, it could hurt even more. Despite our best efforts to save anyone. So I'd say we are all a bit too reckless, and a bit too avoidant of the real issue," she said, ending quietly. Her eyes wandered out of his office, to where the desks stood, Reid and Morgan in some debate, JJ just rolling her eyes at them. A small smile played around Emily's lips.
"For what it's worth," she said, turning back to him and standing up, "I think it's important we make the jump once in a while, let someone in. Or else we'll end up missing the most amazing things, or the love of people. But that might be the time talking, I always get sentimental after eight."
Hotch smiled and nodded.
"That's a good point," he said, "I'll make sure to remember it."
With a wink, she was out of the door. He felt a little better, and with newfound energy, he opened another case file.
Two days later, a new case had arrived, and it had started to give all of them a collective headache, just from receiving the information. As per usual. Dave, sitting in Hotch's office, a cup of cappuccino in his hands, looked at him. Where he had brewed that was a mystery for him. He wouldn't put it past David Rossi to have a secret machine in his office.
"This is a mess," Hotch commented, flipping through the case information. His colleague and friend nodded.
"We need someone who can talk to these people. Someone who is authorized to speak to diplomats."
He had a general idea of what the older men would say next. Looking up with raised eyebrows, Hotch waited. A smirk spread over Dave's face.
"Why don't you just call your girlfriend?" he asked, taking another sip of his cappuccino. Rolling his eyes, Hotch exhaled slowly. He had guessed correctly.
"She is not my girlfriend," he gave back weakly.
"And who's fault is that?" Dave teased.
Hotch threw a dirty look in his direction, turning back to his aimless flipping.
"Come on Aaron, whatever you two are doing, she is who we need on this case."
"I know that. I don't have a problem calling her. I just want us to be sure this makes sense," he gave back, his voice defensive even in his own ears. Dave chuckled.
"Given the fact you're seeing her at least every Saturday, I would think this should be the easiest thing in the world. Girlfriend or not," he said innocently.
Hotch stopped moving pages he wasn't reading anyway and stared at his friend.
"How do you even know that?"
Dave rolled his eyes at him and took another sip of his beverage. "You work with people like us and think we wouldn't know things like that?"
He grinned, and Hotch started wondering what have given him away when Dave continued.
"Anyway, Jack told JJ last week when he visited. Your son busted your little secret."
Sighing deeply, Hotch put the report down, leaning back into his chair. "Children."
Dave only shrugged.
"Are you going to call her now or what?" he gave back. Hotch contemplated it for a second, before shaking his head.
"I need to talk to JJ first, we need to file an official request. And then I will go. Personally."
Dave grinned. "Nice touch."
The younger shook his head in exhaustion, standing up. "Come on, before you can ask more questions I don't want to answer."
Secret Service Unit
Only hours later, Hotch and JJ walked into the offices they had occupied weeks ago, the official request in their hands. Tyler waved them over and took it from them.
"Good to see you," JJ said, and he granted them a polite smile.
"I would say the same if you two weren't here to fly Alex out of the city for a few days," he gave back and put the document into a folder. With a tired sigh, he gestured towards what they knew to be the meeting rooms.
"She is in there, but they're over their time already. I'm sure you can interrupt, I know she doesn't want to talk to the CIA anyway," Tyler remarked.
Raising his brows, Hotch started moving. "Thank you, Agent Chen."
With a last nod, the man sat down, already focussed onto his screen again. JJ on his heels, Hotch walked up to the room Alex was in. It wasn't hard to make her out instantly. For a change, her hair was open, falling over her shoulders in soft waves. Taking in her burgundy turtleneck, the dark pants and heeled boots, he once more realized just how damn beautiful she was.
The man opposite her said something, and she smiled back at him politely. Hotch tried his best not to feel anything when the man's face lit up in interest. JJ, clearing her throat next to him, but refraining from commenting on what had probably been written all over his face, knocked. The blonde turned, her smile turning into an honest one as she waved them in.
"Agents Jareau and Hotchner, it's good to see you," Alex addressed them formally, making a few steps in their direction. The two guys nodded in their general direction, even though one had not taken his eyes off of Alex. He felt the iciness in his stomach grow.
"I'm guessing this is about the request? Tyler only had a minute earlier, so I'm not entirely up to speed," she said apologetically, her eyes settling on his. She must've realized something was off, as she gave him a questioning look. JJ jumped in before he could.
"Yes, we requested your support on a case. It's quite urgent, actually." Realization flickered over Alex's face and she turned to JJ.
"Of course. Can you give me five minutes?"
"Sure. We will wait in your office, if that's fine," Hotch broke his silence, giving her a nod. Her gaze lingered on his before she reciprocated it.
"It's all yours," Alex said. The two excused themselves out of the room, and he did his best not to look at the other man again. You don't have the right, anyway.
Curiosity taking over, Alex could feel her focus flying out of the window after the two had left the room. The case must've been new, otherwise, he would've said something on Saturday. Or he would not have shown up, the blonde thought to herself. What could the FBI want, in form of an official request? If JJ or Aaron needed something, she would gladly do it after hours. You'll find out in five minutes, Alex reminded herself, turning back to the two men.
"Thank you for your help, we will take the strategy consultation and get it to our boss," one of them said. The noticeably friendlier one nodded along, collecting their documents. Alex sighed internally. Her sympathy for consultations like these knew its limit, and the CIA was on the bottom of the list. They never listened anyway.
"Our pleasure. I need to get going, but if you have any more questions, just give us a call," she said, opening the door for them. The two stepped out and she trailed behind. Ready to say goodbye, she opened her mouth but didn't get very far. Agent Hill, who had unnervingly smiled all throughout the meeting, stopped in front of her.
"This might be a little unusual," he said, his smile turning nervous, "But uhm…could I take you out for dinner one day?"
For solid ten seconds, Alex hoped she had heard wrong. Judging from the excitement on his face, she hadn't. Oh shit. Letting out a little "uhm", she set up a polite smile.
"I'm sorry, I'm not available. So no," she gave back, watching as his face turned apologetic. Refraining from letting her thoughts wander to the fact that she was technically available, Alex stepped back again.
"Ah, I see. Well, worth the risk," Hill said, shrugging. Too slow to come up with anything good, the blonde nodded in his and his colleague's direction and stepped around them. Annie Edwards was already walking over to take over. From the smirk on her face, she had heard at least half of it.
"Agent Edwards will accompany you downstairs. Have a great day," Alex said. She didn't give them the chance to answer but walked away to her own office. Stepping inside, she exhaled slowly.
"Have I ever told you you're my favorite three-letter agency? Because the CIA isn't," she remarked in JJ and Hotch's direction, closing the door behind her. Looking at them, she smiled.
"Hi, by the way."
It earned her a distant smile from Hotch and a chuckle from JJ. Apparently, whatever had been going on inside the meeting room with him was still happening.
"But they seemed friendly. Professional," JJ commented, making the blonde snort.
"Considering one of them asked me out, I would be cautious with that statement," she muttered to herself. Not seeing the irritated look Hotch wore, she walked over to her desk. "What can I do for you?"
"Someone is killing diplomats in New York, and it's not looking good," JJ said, handing her the file. Flipping through the pages, Alex was unable to suppress a disgusted noise.
"Three bodies?" she asked, glad that breakfast had been three hours ago. Looking up, she met Hotch's stoic glance, a weird distance in it. Well, this is business after all.
"Yes, and judging from the time between the murders, we will find some more if we're not quick."
Humming, she flipped more pages. "But this is not related to Foreman, right? Because the last time I checked, he is waiting for his process."
"Not that we are aware of. Apart from that, it's a completely different MO," the Unit Chief gave back and she nodded slowly.
"What exactly do you need me for?" Alex asked, meeting his eyes.
"The NYPD has trouble getting anyone to talk. We looked at some of these families and it became clear we need someone who is used to this environment," he answered. Feeling irritation about his distanced behavior creeping in, Alex squinted her eyes at him. Not even at the beginning of the Foreman case had he been this closed off.
"Is Emily not enough?" Alex asked, handing him back the folder. Hotch shook his head.
"We need someone with a Secret Service badge on this."
Humming, she rubbed her face for a second. Something soft flickered over his face and he sighed inaudibly. Out of the corner of her eyes, Alex saw JJ check something on her phone.
"I take it you want to fly to New York as soon as possible?"
JJ looked up again, giving her a nod. "The plane could leave in an hour."
Alex nodded.
"Can you give me twenty minutes? I have a bag, but I have to brief at least Tyler," she said, turning to the door. "And need to find out if someone talked to Henley."
"I already did," Hotch threw in, and she turned back in surprise. Shrugging, he gestured towards Tyler's desk.
"He told me it was necessary. She didn't seem to have a problem with it."
Snorting, Alex opened the door. "Suspicious, but thank you. You two should get a coffee, I will be quick."