Chapter Text
To my Gon,
I miss your eyes — bright, alive, always full of wonder. I could get lost in them for hours, like drifting in an endless ocean. Sometimes they’re like melted chocolate, warm and soft, and I swear you could always see right through me. Like you saw the real me, even when I couldn’t.
I miss your smile. It lit up even the darkest corners of my world. When I was scared — the whips, the needles, the poison — your smile pulled me back every time. It reminded me there was still something worth living for.
I miss your laugh. That ridiculous, infectious laugh that always made me laugh too — even when I didn’t get the joke. Just hearing it was enough to make things feel okay. It meant you were close, and safe, and happy.
I miss your smell. Even when you were covered in mud or reeked of fish, it was always you — pine trees and freedom. It reminded me of nature, of peace, of the things you love. Of the things I started to love, just because you did.
I miss your arms — strong, steady, always there to hold me when the nightmares came. When I broke down and couldn’t stop shaking, you held me like I mattered. Like I was someone worth saving.
I miss your spirit. Your determination. You always did what you thought was right, even when it was hard. I envy that in you. I wanted to be brave like that, to believe in people the way you did — the way you believed in me.
I miss your hair. I know that sounds dumb. But whenever you'd let me run my fingers through it, even for a second, it calmed me down. You had no idea how much I craved that closeness, how grounding it felt.
I miss your voice. The way you said my name — no fear, no judgment, just… warmth. You were the first person who ever said it like that.
I miss you, Gon. Every part of you.
You were my first real friend. My only real friend. I never thought someone like me would have something like that — someone who cared without wanting something in return. You made me believe I could be more than a Zoldyck. You made me believe that I could be good.
And I ruined it.
I stood on the edge of the train tracks once. I thought I lost you. I thought I broke something we could never fix. But you came. You always came for me.
So where are you now, Gon?
Where are you now when I need you most?
I cry every night. I don't even know what I did to make you leave. All I ever wanted was to show you how much you meant to me. Maybe I said too much. Maybe I scared you away.
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to hurt you. I didn’t mean to ruin what we had. I just… I love you, Gon.
I love you.
I love you.
I LOVE YOU!
I could say it a thousand times, and it still wouldn’t be enough. I should’ve said it sooner — when we were sitting under the stars, or when you were asleep beside me, or when you saved my life over and over again. But I was too scared. Too selfish. Because if I told you and you walked away… I would have had nothing.
I still don’t have anything. Not without you.
I think about you every day. Wondering where you are, if you’re okay, if someone’s taking care of you — if you’ve already forgotten me.
Please come back.
Please.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don’t know how to live in a world without you.
Love, always,
Killua
Killua stared at the letter. His hands trembled. Tears blurred the words, but he didn't care. He read it one last time, then whispered to himself:
"It’s still not good enough… not for Gon."
He crumpled the page and tossed it into the overflowing trash can. The sobs came before he could stop them. He buried his face in his hands and didn’t move, not even when the pencil rolled off the desk.
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Alluka tiptoed into the room, hearing her brother cry again. They had been doing so well. She hated seeing him like this — broken and alone.
She noticed the pile of crumpled papers in the trash. One letter sat near the top. Gently, she picked it up, smoothed out the creases, and read it silently. Her heart ached.
Without a word, she found an envelope, folded the letter carefully, and sealed it. She knew where it needed to go.
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Gon sat on the hill, watching the sun dip beneath the waves. Aunt Mito’s voice carried from the porch.
“Gon! A letter — it’s from Killua!”
His heart stopped. He hadn’t heard that name in so long. His legs moved before his brain did. He snatched the envelope, tearing it open.
"To my Gon, …"
By the end of the first paragraph, his hands were shaking. His chest ached. He grabbed a pen, heart pounding.
"My dear Killua, ..."
This has been voice acted with minor changes.
https://youtu.be/8UM9p4qnQGo?si=9vP7V3b42445DcAa