Work Text:
Meng Shi had been a wise woman.
The most important teaching she had left to her son was to never seek out his father or his support either, for there would be none to receive from such a man whose heart had turned to stone, abandoning the people who loved him.
So Meng Yao, being the filial child he was, had heeded his mother's words and kept away from the Jin sect.
Refuge and recognition were found further north instead,in the Nie sect. Not everything went smooth at first for Meng Yao, but his hard work and perseverance together with his good ideas landed him the position of deputy for the Nie sect leader.
Nie Mingjue had quickly put in place those people who called his deputy names, judging a person not on their own merits but on their background. It would have been really hypocritical for him to do otherwise, when their own sect had been founded by a mere butcher.
After that, it had been easy for Meng Yao to find his natural calling in the administrative role, flourishing both as a member of the sect and as a man. It didn't take long for him to meet a second cousin of the sect leader and marry her, and all the children they had together were but an ulterior proof of what a loving family he had found and built for himself in the Nie sect.
As for Nie Mingjue himself, the man still hadn't put down the saber long enough to court a nice girl and have children of his own, to his younger brother's deepest regret.
There was nothing in the world that Nie Huaisang desired more than having some cute niblings to spoil and so being relieved of the title of heir of the Qinghe Nie sect. As a matter of fact, Nie Mingjue didn't seem to have any intention to do so actually, keeping his brother tied down in an uncomfortable position that he despised. It was not like Nie Huaisang was any good at political issues or any other cultivation business, so he really didn't understand what his brother was waiting for, instead of saving everyone from any further troubles and get some child of his own who would certainly be more adept to leading the sect than Nie Huaisang could ever hope to be, being raised specifically for that as he had never had the chance to.
At that point the only things that Nie Huaisang was any good at were painting, raising birds and mooning over impossibilities. There was a reason why impossibilities were impossible, he often found himself scolding his own wishes.
Face resting in the cradle of his left palm, Nie Huaisang sighed as he rolled aimlessly the inked brush with his right one. Small black dots bloomed on the sheet of paper placed on the table right in front of him, upon the tree he had been drawing.
Not even in his own thoughts he managed to have a glimmer of hope to hang on to.
A bird thrilled right outside the window, interrupting Nie Huaisang's musings with the sheer volume of attention that his lovesong demanded, pulling a grimace on the man's face when he saw the mess he had made of his latest attempt at painting.
The weather outside looked pleasant enough for a leisure stroll outside the fortification. Maybe the first nests of the season had already appeared on the bare branches, the birds working diligently to build a comfortable home for their younglings.
Ah, if only Dage were of the same opinion! He was pushing forty by then, and Nie Huaisang was barely ten years behind him. Even though the saber spirit was not yet something they needed to worry about, their family records were not good in regards to aging, no matter what level of cultivation they reached.
And Dage's level was definitely high. Somewhere up there in the top five of their generations, together with…
Nie Huaisang sighed again.
As always, the beginning of the spring season was not lenient to him. Not when it made him suffer the longing so deeply.
In a dramatic swirl of silk robes, Nie Huaisang closed the window in order to not see behind the walls of the Unclean Realm.
The excitement ran electrifying everywhere in the Unclean Realm, in every hall and corridor embellished in green hues, from the lowest levels of servants to the higher tiers of power.
The decorations had been put in their place with utmost care, and the cooks were already hard at work in the kitchen to prepare the impressive amount of dishes needed for such an event.
The cultivation conference could finally start.
Nie Mingjue greeted his guests from behind his desk, placed on the floor instead of the dais where it usually was situated for regular sect business.
Since the Wen clan had been extinguished many years prior, the Nie sect leader had been strong in his will to keep the balance between all the other sects, and the major ones in particular. For that reason everyone sat at the same level when visiting his domain at least. Such moves were not accepted with grace by everyone, but the Jins could do nothing about it no matter how many snide remarks Jin Guangshan made.
To put more salt in his wounds, the perfect organisation of the conference was all Meng Yao's merit, and Nie Mingjue had no qualms about congratulating him about it. Therefore it was no surprise that Meng Yao sat so close to the sect leader then, while Nie Huaisang occupied the other side.
The one nearest to where the Lan delegation was placed, sipping on their tea made with the most flavourful leaves available in the Unclean Realm from dainty little cups.
At the next possible occasion, Nie Huaisang needed to make sure to thank Meng Yao profusely, and grant him some more days of vacation from his deputy duty. For sure the weary father would enjoy them.
Nie Huaisang had some modicum of power on principle of being the heir apparent, and he would gladly use it when it came down to reward Meng Yao.
In all those years, it seemed that Meng Yao had been the only one to realise Nie Huaisang's fancies.
Although he was disappointed with himself for letting his secret be discovered when he thought he had been hiding it so well, Nie Huaisang was glad that it had been Meng Yao to notice it, and not his brother instead. Or even worse, Lan…
But right then it was definitely not the moment to get lost in his own fantasies of white robes. His beatific smile would give away that he was not paying attention to the boring, empty etiquette of small talk.
His face morphed in a mask of interest for the pompous cultivators who took the word in turns, while his eyes roamed the hall as an excuse to lay often and with gusto on the Lan group.
Nie Huaisang couldn't wait for the evening to come.
When many cultivators of different sects were in the same place, it could be only for two reasons. Either they were going to fight, or party and lose the reins on their own self-control, frequently still ending in the first option.
Thankfully that was not a possibility in the Unclean Realm. Everyone was on their best behaviour for fear of incurring in Nie Mingjue's wrath.
Although there were some people who didn't care about it.
Nie Huaisang had donned a heavy cape lined with fur to keep him warm in the crisp air of the night, trying to avoid any unpleasant social interaction with any tipsy cultivator who tried to place an unwed daughter in his bed to have the powerful Nie sect to back them in any future squabbles. Sometimes they even had the guts to aim higher and ask Nie Huaisang to be the middleman for the sect leader's throne. If only Nie Mingjue didn't hate such subterfuges with a passion.
Walking on the perimeter walls of the Unclean Realm, Nie Huaisang could see the first leaves sprouting up in the bushes and trees, and if he closed one of his eyes to look hard, there it was! The bones of a nest, the shape barely recognisable but definitely there.
A spur of joy took him over, coming out in a yell as Nie Huaisang stuck out dangerously on the stone edge to get a better look.
Behind him, somebody chuckled.
"Careful to not fall down, second master Nie."
The light steps walking closer on the stone might have been lost to the festive night sounds if one had not the trained ear of a cultivator, or the yearning heart of a lover.
On his part, Nie Huaisang possessed both, so it was with a grin spread on his face that he turned, putting distance between the accursed edge and himself.
"Sect leader Lan! What a pleasure seeing you here!"
In front of him stood Lan Xichen in person, framed by the fluffy white fur of the cape he wore on the rare occasions he ventured up north to Qinghe.
It seemed that barely a day had passed on that gorgeous face since Nie Huaisang had attended the classes in Cloud Recesses many years prior, half a life ago. Lan Xichen was still beautiful and breathtaking as the first day Nie Huaisang had met him, and for a brief instant his heart throbbed considering how his feelings for that man had not changed in nature during those many years, only growing fonder instead.
How could they have done otherwise, when Lan Xichen was smiling like that, his lips half closed around unspoken words? When his hands seemed to shiver in the cool breeze of the night even though Nie Huaisang knew very well that his cultivation level wouldn't let him be bothered by such temperatures?
Brushing a lock of hair behind his ear, Nie Huaisang too smiled. The serene smile that pushed his cheeks up. The one he reserved exclusively for Lan Xichen.
"It's such a peaceful night outside, when in the great hall everyone drinks and revels. How could I not come to enjoy some fresh air instead?"
Walking closer to the edge, barely an arm of distance from Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen gazed out in the dark night.
Looking up at those long lashes fanning the dark pearls of his eyes, Nie Huaisang wondered if Lan Xichen too was admiring life slowly regaining ground on the stillness of winter, or if he was contemplating something else, far away, a concept that only he was aware of.
"Qinghe Nie is always… exquisite…" in the chill of the night, Lan Xichen's sighs rose up like white dragons.
"You know the Lan regulations better than me, Zewu-jun. Where is the not lying rule gone?" Nie Huaisang teased him, hoping to make the man share more of his mind with him.
Chuckling in his charming way, a hand trying to uselessly hide the guilty mouth, Lan Xichen turned slightly to Nie Huaisang, his profile a mesmerising sight.
"I tell the truth, please believe me second master Nie," his eyes took in Nie Huaisang's face for a brief moment before he continued. "I wish I had more opportunities to visit. It would be wonderful to bring my painting supplies and depict its beauty."
Nie Huaisang considered how damaging to his image it would be to pipe up and propose himself as a guide to the wild nature of the Unclean Realm just to have an occasion more to spend time alone with Lan Xichen.
Showing himself to be too eager wouldn't do, probably. Dage would scold him for it, being too forward and too friendly with a member of a different sect. A sect leader, on top of that.
Yet Nie Huaisang couldn't stop yearning for that man. Never had stopped.
Not when he was so close that if he extended his hand, they could touch.
He fondly thought about days spent together, sitting next to each other while painting the same scenery and using the same equipment, their fingers brushing against each other while searching for a specific brush. Oh how they would laugh with merriment about it. And maybe Nie Huaisang could lay his head against Lan Xichen's shoulder to rest a moment, breathing in the other man's perfume.
It was one of the many fantasies that populated Nie Huaisang's imagination in regards to the Lan sect leader, but how could he refrain from them when he felt so attuned to him? It was not only about the many interests and mannerisms they shared. There was also the undeniable fact that Nie Huaisang's whole soul vibrated in happiness whenever he managed to see Lan Xichen, once or twice a year when their paths crossed.
If he had to be shameless about it, Nie Huaisang highly suspected he was not the only one feeling that way though.
"You could…" he started, then bit his lower lip before continuing. "Forgive my forwardness sect leader Lan, but you're the sect leader of your sect! No one can order you around!"
Nie Huaisang was tragically aware of how petulant he sounded, but that was the best he could manage when actually his words wanted to come out differently. Come. Come to Qinghe as often as you want. Stay. Stay here with me. Let's escape together, far away from the cultivational world, where we'll be only two men who love each other.
Next to him Lan Xichen laughed, but it rang nothing like his previous laughter. There was too much restraint in it to sound pleasant.
"Second master Nie, you have no idea how much I wish that was the case." His head was bent down, his hair drawn like a black curtain around him. "It's true that I am the sect leader, yet it's a fragile position that leaves no such liberties. I have no freedom to decide things on my own accord." There was a pause before he added. "The sect comes before anything. It's my duty and my duty alone, until a suitable heir will be found."
"Unlike your brother, you have no children," Nie Huaisang noted after a moment of reflection. His brother too was childless, but Nie Huaisang was starting to suspect that this kind of matters was dealt with very differently in their sects.
"I do not have children. And I plan not to."
That was too much of an honest confession to make in the presence of a member of a different sect. Nie Huaisang gulped before fully turning towards Lan Xichen.
The man was looking at something far off on the dark horizon, past the naked trees and bushes, where the mountains were still white with snow. He was motionless if not for his right hand, tightened in a fist on his chest and trembling.
"This is the only thing that I'll keep safe for myself and myself alone. My heart is still waiting for the person it settled on and not even my sect will take that away from me."
The determination in his voice was so unlike the soft and poised Lan Xichen that Nie Huaisang knew, but when the Lan sect leader turned his face towards him, finally Nie Huaisang recognised the smile on it.
And it was beautiful.