Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Enrico Pucci created a chatroom: [Discussion]

Enrico Pucci added Giorno Giovanna , Donatello Versus , Ungalo and Rikiel

Enrico Pucci: Hello, everyone. 

Ungalo: wpho the fuck r u

Enrico Pucci: What a great start.

Enrico Pucci: As you can probably see in my display name here, I am Enrico Pucci.

Enrico Pucci: I have contacted you today in regards to an inquiry made by one of you.

Enrico Pucci: Donatello Versus, if I am not mistaken, wasn't it you that sent an email to Dio asking for child support.

Giorno Giovanna: Wait, who is Dio?

Donatello Versus: yeah, I did

Donatello Versus: what about it?

Donatello Versus: that asshole never responded anyway

Enrico Pucci: That is precisely why we are here today.

Enrico Pucci: For you see, the thing you all have in common is that Dio Brando is your father.

Rikiel: Wait what

Giorno Giovanna: Excuse me?

Ungalo: who the fuck ist hat

Enrico Pucci: After being made aware of the email, I decided to do some investigating on my own, which is where I became aware of this information. 

Enrico Pucci: As far as I know, all of you have been ignorant of your birth father’s identity up until this point.

Enrico Pucci: I seek to remedy that.

Ungalo: okay but u still hav ent answewred my qeistion

Ungalo: whho the fuck areu

Enrico Pucci: You can consider me a close friend of your father.

Rikiel: I still dont know who that is

Enrico Pucci: Oh right, silly me. I forgot to provide more information.

Donatello Versus: never say that again

[Pucci then proceeds to write a way-too-long explanation of who Dio is. I am not writing all that, we already know who he is. All you gotta know is that he’s a very successful lawyer.]

Enrico Pucci: I hope this information is of use to you.

Rikiel: Oh my god thats a lot

Ungalo: so my dadw was a whroe

Donatello Versus: yeah no shit 

Donatello Versus: he had four kids with four different women none of which he recognized

Donatello Versus: of course he’s a whore

Giorno Giovanna: If I may ask something, why are you the one contacting us instead of him?

Enrico Pucci: He is not aware of your existence, as my research was conducted independently.

Enrico Pucci: That is why.

Donatello Versus: so you stalked him 

Enrico Pucci: I wouldn't call it that.

Rikiel: Who did you say you were again??

Enrico Pucci: A friend of his. We live together.

Ungalo: r u fuckjinh him

Enrico Pucci: Good heavens, no. I am not interested in matters of the flesh.

Donatello Versus: why do you talk like that

Donatello Versus: makes me wanna punch you

Enrico Pucci: Anyway, as I was saying.

Enrico Pucci: I decided to contact you first as I believe you have the right to know who your birth father is, since I think none of you knew about him.

Giorno Giovanna: I only have a picture of him 

Rikiel: You get a picture? not fair, I wanted a picture too :(

Giorno Giovanna: He didn't even leave it for me, it was for my mother and I stole it

Donatello Versus: heh, nice

Rikiel: Can I see it? :o

Ungalo: how r u gonna see it dumbqss its across the qorld

[Giorno Giovanna sent a picture: thisisourdad.jpg]

Donatello Versus: is he fucking naked

Rikiel: Oh my god he is

Giorno Giovanna: Yes, a naked picture is all the information I've had for 20+ years about the man who helped make me

Enrico Pucci: Excuse me, I do not wish to interrupt your conversation but I would like to finish what I have to say.

Rikiel: Oh right sorry 

Giorno Giovanna: Please continue

Enrico Pucci: As I was saying, I believed you deserve to know who your father is.

Enrico Pucci: Therefore, I decided to contact only you four.

Enrico Pucci: I will communicate this to Dio post haste, of course, but first I thought it important to break the news to you on my own.

Enrico Pucci: It might not contribute to a peaceful atmosphere to have him here right now.

Donatello Versus: why? because you know we would have told him what a shitty fucking father he is?

Enrico Pucci: Now, let's not go straight to insults.

Donatello Versus: enrico, he fucking left us for over 20 goddamn years 

Donatello Versus: I think we have a right to insult him

Giorno Giovanna: I understand we are all upset, but we should calm down and let him finish what he has to say

Giorno Giovanna: He is the only direct connection to Dio Brando we have, after all

Enrico Pucci: Thank you.

Enrico Pucci: Part of why I also contacted you is to let you decide on your own what you want to do in regards to your father.

Enrico Pucci: I presume you all must have very different ideas of what you want from him.

Donatello Versus: I want my fucking money 

Enrico Pucci: Therefore, I decided I will leave you alone to ponder amongst yourselves what is it you want to do.

Donatello Versus: tell him to pay child support 

Enrico Pucci: Once you have all come to a conclusion, ping me and I will add him in as well, so you can tell him on your own.

Enrico Pucci: For now, I'll mute this and will not look at it again until you contact me.

Enrico Pucci: I am a priest, I'll treat this with the same seriousness and confidentiality I would a confession.

Ungalo: ur a priest??

Enrico Pucci: For now, I'll take my leave. Goodbye.

[Enrico Pucci has muted the group chat]

[Enrico Pucci is now offline]

Rikiel: Well that was certainly something 

Donatello Versus: @Enrico Pucci wait I have something to tell you

[Enrico Pucci is now online]

Enrico Pucci: Yes?

Donatello Versus: bitch

Enrico Pucci: Alright then, I will not be responding to any further pings until an hour has passed.

[Enrico Pucci is now offline]

Ungalo: gteat now i cabt even ask him if hes actuakly a priest or not

Giorno Giovanna: I think it's pretty clear that he is

Giorno Giovanna: No other person would ever refer to sex as "matters of the flesh"

Rikiel: Heh you're right

Donatello Versus: hold on a sec

Donatello Versus changed the name of the chatroom to [Dio's Bastards]

Donatello Versus: made it more accurate 

Rikiel: aw come on man

Ungalo: so whag are we supoosed to do now

Giorno Giovanna: The priest mentioned talking amongst ourselves to decide what to do about this, so I suppose it's only fair to do that

Rikiel: Oh! maybe we should introduce ourselves so we know who we are :o

Giorno Giovanna: That is an excellent idea

Giorno Giovanna: Who wants to start?

Donatello Versus: why doesn't he start

Donatello Versus: he's the one that came up with the idea

Rikiel: Oh god i have to go first?

Rikiel: Oh man

Giorno Giovanna: If you are uncomfortable with that we can start with someone else

Donatello Versus: nah fuck that, man up and do it, pussy

Ungalo: ill start

Ungalo: names Ungalo, im a dude, i like 2 dtaw and smoke weed 

Ungalo: myife sucjs and no one wants to hire me

Donatello Versus: hear, hear 

Ungalo: thqts it

Giorno Giovanna: You do drugs?

Ungalo: yeh

Giorno Giovanna: You should not do that. It's terrible for you

Ungalo: who the fuck are u, a cop ???

Giorno Giovanna: I'd say more of the exact opposite, actually 

Donatello Versus: wow that's not ominous at all

Giorno Giovanna: I guess I am next, then

Giorno Giovanna: I am also male, my name is Giorno Giovanna and I have a dream, a dream that I have come closer to fulfilling

Giorno Giovanna: I am running a very important business in Italy and trying to eradicate the selling of drugs to underage children 

Rikiel: That sounds really nice :(

Rikiel: Oops wrong emoji

Rikiel: *:)

Ungalo: so r u italian?

Giorno Giovanna: I do have citizenship, but I was born in Japan

Ungalo: oh damb

Ungalo: im american 

Rikiel: Me too!

Rikiel: I guess i should go next, right?

Rikiel: Im Rikiel, im also a man, i like cows and im trying to become an astronaut 

Ungalo: woah thats wreally cool dude

Giorno Giovanna: It is very impressive, congratulations 

Rikiel: Hehe, thank you

Rikiel: I haven't been too successful tho cause i keep failing the medical checks :(

Donatello Versus: sucks to be you 

Giorno Giovanna: You have not introduced yourself 

Donatello Versus: ugh guess I have to

Donatello Versus: I'm Donatello Versus and I fucking hate everyone 

Giorno Giovanna: Anything else?

Donatello Versus: recently got out of jail after I tried to rob someone and then fell from the third floor

Rikiel: Oh my god did you survive?

Donatello Versus: no my ghost is texting you

Donatello Versus: fucking idiot of course I survived 

Rikiel: Meant to ask if you were fine, sorry 

Donatello Versus: I'm not

Donatello Versus: got run over by a car after I got out 

Donatello Versus: currently in the hospital 

Ungalo: jegus chrust 

Donatello Versus: jegus chrust indeed 

Giorno Giovanna: The priest mentioned you sending an email to our progenitor

Giorno Giovanna: How were you able to find out who it was?

Donatello Versus: well I didn't really care about finding the bitch 

Donatello Versus: but I needed money to pay for the hospital bills cause I ran out and my mother won't pay 

Donatello Versus: so I annoyed her until she told me who he was

Donatello Versus: I just google searched him till I found his firm's contact email 

Donatello Versus: never got a response tho

Giorno Giovanna: How much money do you need to pay for your bills? 

Donatello Versus: it's a lot, doubt you have that much to spare

Giorno Giovanna: Do not worry about me, just tell me how much you need and consider it done

Donatello Versus: it's like ten thousand dollars dude

Giorno Giovanna: Consider it done. Tell me your bank account number and I'll have the money transferred by tomorrow

Donatello Versus: jegus chrust

Ungalo: does being a cop pay that much? i shiukd have choseb a differebt career 

Giorno Giovanna: I am not a cop

Rikiel: Then what are you?

Giorno Giovanna: It would not be advisable for me to say it over text

Ungalo: r u a criminal???

Giorno Giovanna: See the text right above yours for my answer 

Rikiel: Holy moly you totally are 

Donatello Versus: yeah so am I who gives a shit about this guy over here

Ungalo: aww hes jealious

Donatello Versus: learn to spell before you attempt to insult me

Ungalo: o(〒﹏〒)o

Donatello Versus: ew

Donatello Versus: so what should we do about the whore

Donatello Versus: we gotta get his money right 

Donatello Versus: I know you offered to pay but I wanna make that fuckers wallet bleed

Donatello Versus: he's gotta pay for leaving us in the dirt for years 

Ungalo: i agree

Ungalo: i wanna stab hin yoo

Giorno Giovanna: I am not in dire need of money or stabbing but I shall not go against whatever you end up deciding

Rikiel: I guess i agree with that!

Rikiel: But how are we gonna stab him?

Donatello Versus: easy

Donatello Versus: we meet up with him under false pretenses 

Donatello Versus: then boom

Donatello Versus: stab 

Giorno Giovanna: How many times have you stabbed people?

Donatello Versus: how many breads have you eaten in your life?

Giorno Giovanna: Touché

Rikiel: So thats it, right?

Ungalo: yuh

Rikiel: Lets ping that Enrico guy 

Giorno Giovanna: @Enrico Pucci We have decided what to do

[Enrico Pucci is now online]

Enrico Pucci: Excellent, what is it?

Ungalo: money and a stabin

Enrico Pucci: I am not letting you stab Dio.

Donatello Versus: why not?

Donatello Versus: bitch deserves it

Enrico Pucci: I can't believe I have to explain to a group of grown men why stabbing is wrong.

Ungalo: mauybe if we had a father groiwing up we wouldnt be this way

Enrico Pucci: This is going to be very difficult.

START PART 1: BIT BY BIT

Chapter Text

After staring at the group chat, Pucci wouldn't help but sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. He had thought this would be a good idea, he legitimately did. But now, after having gotten in contact with the four men, he realized that putting them all together in the same place had been a mistake.

His contacts had warned him that the four illegitimate children were going to be difficult to deal with, but he chose to believe that they had been exaggerating. They weren't. He cannot really explain why four grown men thought it would be a good idea to ask him, someone they only knew as a friend of their father, permission to stab the aforementioned father. Upon reading up on the chatlog, he was even more baffled. They admitted to performing several types of illegal activities in a semi-private chat room. Had any of them inherited the brains of their father? Enrico doubted it. 

Eventually, he picked the phone up again, reading the only message that had been sent in the short time he had been sulking. Time to explain to them a concept they should have learned in kindergarten. Actually, had any of them gone to kindergarten? Scratch that, he didn’t care. He wanted to get this over with as soon as possible, to squash his mounting headache.

Giorno Giovanna: So I take it the stabbing is a no-go?

Enrico Pucci: Yes, obviously. 

Enrico Pucci: I understand that you may feel negatively about your father.

Donatello Versus: understatement of the year

Enrico Pucci: But I still won't allow you to perform bodily harm on him.

Ungalo: why not

Enrico Pucci: Because as his friend and roommate, I do not want him getting hurt. 

Ungalo: sounfds kinda gay

Enrico Pucci: Can you please stop implying I am sleeping with your father?

Ungalo: no

Pucci set his phone down for a second, letting out yet another sigh. He was usually so calm and dignified, always above any sort of trouble that could present itself before him. Why, then, were these people he hadn't even met in person getting under his skin with so much ease? 

Either way, he cannot let them know how deeply this affected them. He could already tell that they were the kind of people that would exploit that and use it to their advantage. He absolutely cannot let them gain the upper hand. 

Enrico Pucci: Either way, back to the subject at hand. 

Enrico Pucci: Since I will not allow you to stab your father, you will have to settle for something else. 

Enrico Pucci: You mentioned money, which should not be a problem. 

Enrico Pucci: Is that alright with everyone?

Rikiel: Im fine with that :)

Donatello Versus: if that slut can give us at least that 

Donatello Versus: then i guess yeah

Giorno Giovanna: I am fine with that

Ungalo: i really wantd to stab him bu t thats fine too

Enrico Pucci: Then it's been decided.

Enrico Pucci: I'll contact your father and then communicate to you when this can be arranged. 

Enrico Pucci: Give me a second.

Silently, Pucci had decided it was best not to add Dio to the groupchat. Given their current behavior, it would cause way more trouble than needed. He then exited the group chat and tapped his messaging app. There, it didn't take him long to find who he was looking for, as he didn't speak to many people one on one and Dio was the most recent conversation. His name in his contact list was written in all caps, surrounded by several sparkle emojis. Not by Pucci's own choice, but Dio had decided to give it that name and Enrico didn't have it in him to change it.

Enrico: Hello.

Enrico: I am sorry to contact you while you are at work, I would not want to distract you. 

Enrico: However, I have a pretty urgent matter.

Enrico: I will save the details for when you get home, as this is something I would prefer to discuss with you in person due to the seriousness of the matter.

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: Are you alright? Are you hurt? 

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: Is there anyone I need to kill, darling? 

Enrico: No, I am alright.

Enrico: Although I would prefer if you would stop making those kinds of jokes.

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: You know I'm not joking though~

Enrico: I do, and that's precisely what worries me.

Enrico: Either way, this isn't related to me. Not directly, at least. 

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: So it’s not about Wes, then...

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐:  What did Diego do this time.

Enrico: Also not related to him.

Enrico: I have this group of people who need to meet with you, to talk about some personal matters.

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: Ominous, but interesting...

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: Though I am afraid that whoever they may be will need to wait for a while

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: I am fully booked for the next month or so

Enrico: I see.

Enrico: Thank you for your time.

⭐💫🌟✨DIO✨🌟💫 ⭐: Anytime~

At the same time this was happening, the chat wasn't quiet, as per what was becoming their usual.

Donatello Versus: alright, it's been a second

Giorno Giovanna: You are kind of petty, aren't you?

Donatello Versus: you bet your ass I am 

Rikiel: It does look like it will be a while before he comes back...

Ungalo: i have an idea

Giorno Giovanna: What is it?

Ungalo: what if we make our own cgroup caht

Ungalo: with blakcjack and hookers

Donatello Versus: why

Ungalo: just fro the bros

Rikiel: Eh, why not

Ungalo: heheeheh he 

Ungalo: ok give me as cneonf

Donatello Versus: give you a what

Ungalo: u know wha ti meant

Donatello Versus: I actually do not, because you cannot fucking type apparently

Ungalo: fuk u asshole

Giorno Giovanna: Hey now, play nice

Ungalo: shut upt youre not my omom

Ungalo: it hhas been made

Ungalo: i snet the invit ee to ur dsm (￣▽￣)b

Donatello Versus: can you stop using those weird fucking faces holy shit

Ungalo: no 凸(´• ω •`)凸

Enrico Pucci: Alright, I am back.

Enrico Pucci: I would ask what happened here but I do not care.

Donatello Versus: you're kind of an asshole too, aren't you?

Enrico Pucci: Bold of you to say that.

Enrico Pucci: I have spoken to your father.

Enrico Pucci: According to him, he is fully booked for the next month or so.

Giorno Giovanna: So he doesn't even make time to see his kids? Noted.

Enrico Pucci: I have not yet informed him about you, though if I did I doubt it would change the situation.

Donatello Versus: then fucking tell him oh my fucking god

Enrico Pucci: Do not take His name in vain, please.

Donatello Versus: I do what I fucking want

Donatello Versus: If I want to say oh my fucking god or call you a cunt I can, and I dare you to stop me

Enrico Pucci: I will not do that, it would be a waste of everyone's time.

Rikiel: Wait, you said that even if you had told him that we were his kids it wouldnt change anything

Rikiel: What do you mean?

Enrico Pucci: Exactly what I said. 

Enrico Pucci: Your father has a very busy schedule. 

Enrico Pucci: No matter how important this is, I doubt he could make time for it.

Ungalo: our dad sounfs liek a bithc

Enrico Pucci: He is not, I promise.

Donatello Versus: of course you'd say that, you're too busy sucking his dick

Enrico Pucci: Alright, that's it.

Enrico Pucci: I have said and done everything I was planning on doing and saying. 

Enrico Pucci: I will remain in this group chat in case you need to contact me for anything, but I have nothing else to say to you.

Enrico Pucci: When your father finally has free space in his schedule I shall inform you in this very place.

Enrico Pucci: And yes, before any of you get started, I plan on telling him soon. 

Enrico Pucci: I hereby adjourn this meeting for the time being.

Enrico Pucci: Go do something useful with your lives for once.

[Enrico Pucci is now offline]

Donatello Versus: holy shit what a fucking asshole

Ungalo: u shut up ninja turle

Donatello Versus: fuck you too

Chapter Text

Ungalo created a chatroom: [Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Rikiel joined via invite

Giorno Giovanna joined via invite

Donatello Versus joined via invite

Ungalo: welcome to hell

Donatello Versus: wow, you managed to spell an entire sentence properly

Donatello Versus: Congrats.

Rikiel: Excellent beginning everyone

Donatello Versus: I still don't see how this was necessary

Ungalo: well uts obvious isnt it

Ungalo: waht if we wanna shittalk dasd bouyfriedn

Donatello Versus: I do it to his face because I am not a coward

Ungalo: wow ur so touhgh and cool 

Ungalo: bet ur dick is gignantic too

Giorno Giovanna: Alright, let's all calm down

Rikiel: Tbh despite the chaos I am glad we could make another chat

Rikiel: The priest was kinda giving me the creeps

Donatello Versus: I bet he touches kids

Giorno Giovanna: ...

Rikiel: Jesus CHRIST Donatello

Donatello Versus: what? I said what we were all thinking

Ungalo: i waasnt thinking that

Ungalo: i wa swondering if ketchip should go on pasta 

Ungalo: since its like tomateo sauce and all that

[Giorno Giovanna is offline]

Ungalo: wai t no come back

Ungalo: i didnt do it yet i was just thiking about ti

[Giorno Giovanna is online]

Giorno Giovanna: Please spare pasta from the monstrosities you Americans do to your food.

Rikiel: Omg are you serious?

Giorno Giovanna: Yes.

Giorno Giovanna: If I see any of you disrespecting pasta I will not hesitate to persecute you to the full extent of my ability.

Donatello Versus: you're not even a real italian

Giorno Giovanna: I have spent enough years in Italy to gain respect for its cuisine

Giorno Giovanna: I am also friends with several italians who would also maim you for this

Giorno Giovanna: Let that be a warning

Ungalo: alrighty never speak of italian food in front of griono, noted

Rikiel: LMAO

Giorno Giovanna: I'm sorry, what were you saying, Rikiel?

Giorno Giovanna: About the priest giving you the creeps

Rikiel: Oh yeah it was just that

Rikiel: Idk he just feels very threatening and menacing

Rikiel: So I tried to be nice to him and shit so he wouldnt be mad 

Donatello Versus: threatening?

Donatello Versus: He sounds like he got a stick up his ass

Ungalo: probs dads stick

Donatello Versus: yeah he's 100% fucking him, I don't care what he says

[Rikiel changed his display name to 🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄]

Donatello Versus: what the fuck

Giorno Giovanna: Uh, Rikiel...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: What? :D

Giorno Giovanna: That sounds weirdly sexual

Ungalo: id idnt need to know that anbout my brother who is also a dude i just emt

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Wait

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: NO

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: OH MY GOD NO

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its not a sex thing I promise!!!

Donatello Versus: what the fuck is it then

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I just really like cows

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I think they're super cute

Ungalo: why cows of all htings

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 sent a image: ijustthinktheyreneatmeme.png ]

Giorno Giovanna: Perfect response

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thank you! :)

Donatello Versus: what's next, you love them so much you dress like them or some bullshit like that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ...

Donatello Versus: oh my god you're kidding me

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Would it make you feel better if i said i didnt?

Ungalo: wiat you dress like a cow

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah...

Ungalo: send pics bro

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Okay lol

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Gimme a sex im in public rn

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: *SEC

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: GIMME A SEC NOT THAT

Donatello Versus: you should not ask us to give you a sex, Rikiel, we're brothers

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh my god fuck off Donatello you know what I MEANT

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Anyways here it is

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 sent an image: itme.jpg]

Ungalo: oh shit you got golden eyese? thats tso cool

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thanks :)

Donatello Versus: holy shit what the FUCK are you wearing

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: These are my regular clothes lol

Donatello Versus: also what the fuck is up with your hair holy shit

Giorno Giovanna: I don't see anything wrong with either

Giorno Giovanna: Do you, Ungalo?

Ungalo: nah i htink its okay

Donatello Versus: y'all are trying to make me look insane 

Donatello Versus: why the hell do you have a boob window

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its stylish

Donatello Versus: it makes you look a whore

Giorno Giovanna: What's wrong with boob windows?

Giorno Giovanna: I think they're perfectly fine 

[Giorno Giovanna sent an image: selfie.jpg]

Giorno Giovanna: Wouldn't you agree?

Donatello Versus: oh of COURSE you have a boob window too

Ungalo: this isnt tfair 

Ungalo: why are you guys handsome

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Wym?

Ungalo: whhy do u get to be handsome and not me

Giorno Giovanna: Come on, you cannot be that ugly

Ungalo: bet

[Ungalo sent an image: ugly.jpg]

Ungalo: regrte what yu said yuet?

Donatello Versus: holy shit dude

Donatello Versus: did our dad stuck his dick in a fucking trash can??

Donatello Versus: did he fuck an alligator???

Giorno Giovanna: Donatello.

Donatello Versus: you're so fucking ugly holy shit

Donatello Versus: I didn't think someone as ugly as you could exist

Donatello Versus: you look like a frog scrotum

Donatello Versus: you look like you got ran over by a dumpster truck as a child

Donatello Versus: you look like a malformed fetus that was half eaten by a shark and was then spit out because the shark feared eating you would turn it ugly as well

Donatello Versus: how the hell are you alive?

Donatello Versus: doesn't it hurt to be that ugly???

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: DONATELLO HOLY FUCK

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: WE KNOW HES UGLY BUT YOU DIDNT HAVE TO KILL HIM

[Ungalo is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Great now hes upset

Donatello Versus: not my fault

Donatello Versus: if he didn't want me to say this shit he should be less ugly

Giorno Giovanna: Well, if you feel so sure of yourself that you can say all of that, why don't you send an image of yourself?

Donatello Versus: ohohohoh noooooo thank you

Donatello Versus: i know that y'all motherfuckers will find anything just to get back at me because you cannot stand to hear the truth

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: So you can dish it out but you cant take it huh

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I see how it is

Donatello Versus: you shut your stupid bitch ass up

Donatello Versus: what the fuck is even up with your hair

Donatello Versus: it comes out of sonic rings or some shit like that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: As if your hair is any better

Donatello Versus: wanna bet?

Giorno Giovanna: We would, actually.

Donatello Versus: fine, cuck you

Donatello Versus: *fuck but that too

[Donatello Versus sent an image: lookandweep.png]

Giorno Giovanna: I see.

Giorno Giovanna: So, you claim that having "boob windows" makes us look like whores, yet you wear something that shows that much cleavage as if that's any better.

Giorno Giovanna: You claim that Rikiel's hair is ridiculous, and yet it looks like you attempted to cosplay Aang but gave up before you finished drawing the arrow.

Giorno Giovanna: You should have finished the cosplay, because having a shaved head would frankly be better than that pile of hay you call hair.

Giorno Giovanna: Not to mention the rest of your atrocious outfit.

Giorno Giovanna: Are you wearing tiny pockets in your arms? Are they loops? It’s as incomprehensible as your reason for wearing it in the first place.

Giorno Giovanna: Also, I never knew there was something worse than having a neckbeard and a rat tail - that is, until I saw the unholy combination that are your sideburns and short pigtails.

Giorno Giovanna: I'm fairly sure you have never looked into a mirror in your entire life, because every single one shattered as soon as you stepped in front of them.

Giorno Giovanna: But hey, at least your eyebrows look mediocre, so good job on that.

[Donatello Versus is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: That... was a massacre omg

Giorno Giovanna: He should have thought better than to mess with the mafia

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Wait what

Giorno Giovanna: Whoops.

[Giorno Giovanna deleted a message]

[Giorno Giovanna is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im not sure what happened but I get the feeling that I should disconnect too

[MooMoo Man is now offline]

Chapter Text

Ungalo: i ahte burger king

Ungalo: i hate customers

Ungalo: i hate everything

Donatello Versus:   mood

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄:  Same

Giorno Giovanna:   I also agree

Giorno Giovanna:   Did anything happen?

Ungalo: tehse fucking ckarens keep wqnitng to talk to the manager

Ungalo: no one can decide on a fucking order on time

Ungalo: likec mon bro u had all htis time to think of something

Ungalo: nooooo you have to waiy tll ur right at the counter to start thinking of an order

Ungalo: fck people honstly

Donatello Versus:   wait you work at Burger King?

Ungalo: yeah

Donatello Versus:   AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Giorno Giovanna:   I don't get it, what's so funny about that?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah I mean its not the best job in the world but its still a job right?

Donatello Versus:   oh come on

Donatello Versus:   fucking BURGER KING?

Ungalo: ur a real asshole

Ungalo: as if ur job is any beter

Donatello Versus:   it is actually

Donatello Versus:   because its not burger king

Giorno Giovanna:   Is it McDonalds, then?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh, or maybe its a Wendys

Donatello Versus:   no you dumbasses

Donatello Versus:   I don’t work at fast food joints

Donatello Versus:   I don’t hate myself THAT much

Ungalo: 凸(￣ ︿ ￣)

Ungalo: stop stalling and tells us where tyou work

Donatello Versus:   no

Donatello Versus:   I don’t want to

Donatello Versus:   and I don’t have to

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Is this just something that you do

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: You claim youre are better than someone else and when asked for proof you refuse

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Is it?

Giorno Giovanna:   Now we just wait until he inevitably reveals that he actually isn't better

Donatello Versus:   it was ONE TIME

Giorno Giovanna:   It was literally yesterday

Donatello Versus:   yeah well go to hell

Donatello Versus:   I’m just not going to tell you

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Alright well if the baby isn't going to tell, i can!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But first heres a little hint :)

[ 🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 sent an image: meandcompany.jpg]

Donatello Versus:   that's gotta be photoshopped 

Donatello Versus:   there’s just no way its real

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Why?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Jealous that I have a picture with a panda and you dont?

Giorno Giovanna:   No, maybe he has a picture of a panda he took in his job that is better

Giorno Giovanna:   He's just waiting for the right moment to send it

Giorno Giovanna:   Right, Donatello?

Donatello Versus:   i hate all of you

Ungalo: ooooooooh r u like a 

Ungalo: a zolsogits

Ungalo: zooologisits

Ungalo: zoolologit

Ungalo: those guys who work at a zoo

Giorno Giovanna:   I think those are called zookeepers, not zoologists

Ungalo: well if zoologist don t wrok, at a zoo then why do they have zoo in the name

Donatello Versus:   you truly are the voice of a generation

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Well thats just cause zoo relates to animals 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But lets not get into all that right now

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I do work at a zoo but im not a zookeeper

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im just like an assistant for the actual zookeepers

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Clean the enclosures when there are no animals there, prepare the food and shit like that

Giorno Giovanna:   That's an interesting job

Ungalo: so you cleaan hte shit

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: That is a sad byproduct of my position, yes

Donatello Versus:   so one of you flips burgers for snotty children and another one cleans shit, incredible

Donatello Versus:   really not proving me wrong here guys

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh shut the fuck up donatello

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: If youre not even gonna prove what your cool job is you have no stakes in this conversation

Ungalo: yeah go sukc a dic you fuckinh nerd

Giorno Giovanna: Rikiel, I do have a question

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: yeah?

Giorno Giovanna:   Didn't you mention you were training to become an astronaut?

Donatello Versus:   yeah you fucking liar

Donatello Versus:   that would actually be a cool job

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I didnt lie!!! >:O

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And im not quite in training either............

Ungalo: what is it then

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im still trying to start training but i keep failing the medical exams

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Like i said before 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: im just doing independent practice for now till i finally pass

Ungalo: well if u keep failin the exam then study more duh

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats…. thats not how it works

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Exam is short for examination

Ungalo: oooooh ok

Ungalo: in that case

Ungalo: how many times have you tried

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: at least twice per year

Giorno Giovanna:   How many years?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ............

Donatello Versus:   go on, answer, moomoo man

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ........Since i was 18? :D

Donatello Versus:   and how old are you, moo moo man?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: .........23 :(

Donatello Versus:   so 12 attempts and you still haven't succeeded

Ungalo: why donty u jsut give oup

Ungalo: clearly ur not gona get in

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Well i thought about it

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But i just really want this

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its like the only thing that keeps me going :S

Giorno Giovanna:   Personally, I think you should continue trying

Giorno Giovanna:   If this is something that you want to pursue and something you are passionate about, then you should not give up

Giorno Giovanna:   I didn't give up and I managed to fulfill my goals, and I think you can do it too

Giorno Giovanna:   However, being driven is not the same as being stupid or stubborn

Giorno Giovanna:   If you keep failing on something specific, there has to be a reason

Giorno Giovanna:   Why do you keep failing the medical exams?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Well sometimes my eyelids get all droopy and i cant see anything 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: It happens pretty randomly and idk why

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ^Also the reason i cannot drive a car

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: That and whenever it happens i also get a panic attack

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And also sometimes the attacks happen on their own

Ungalo: and you wnana drive a spaceship

Giorno Giovanna:   Well, that is quite a serious issue

Giorno Giovanna: I presume the answer is yes, but have you gotten that checked out?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I have

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: The doctors dont know why it happens

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And i would go to a therapist for my panic attacks but i dont have the money

Giorno Giovanna:   Don't worry about that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: How can i not worry about the money? i barely have enough for rent and my mother is not very forgiving

Giorno Giovanna:   Because I can pay for your treatment

Giorno Giovanna:   I can also contact some doctors I know, they are at the top of their field and I'm sure they can figure out what's wrong with you

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Really???

Giorno Giovanna:   Of course

Giorno Giovanna:   And the offer also extends to the rest of you

Giorno Giovanna:   We may just have met recently, but you all are still my family, and I want the best for all of you

Giorno Giovanna:   Now that I am aware of your existence, I will not let you suffer if I can help it

Ungalo: u should be a kotivational speaker

Ungalo: that was neat

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats really nice of you, giorno

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im so glad were brothers :) <3

Donatello Versus:   ugh whatever

Donatello Versus:   so you have cash

Donatello Versus: so what

Donatello Versus: who gives a shit

Donatello Versus: I don’t want you to pay for my things anyways

Donatello Versus: I don't need your handouts

Ungalo: fine if u dont watn them i can get your part

Donatello Versus: you're all a bunch of beta cucks

Donatello Versus: haven't worked a day in your lives

Donatello Versus: what sort of job do you even have that makes you that much money???

Giorno Giovanna:   I am a fashion designer

Giorno Giovanna:   You can look me up if you want

Giorno Giovanna:   I'm not at quite at the level of someone like Versace, but I like to think that I am quite alright at my job

Donatello Versus: oh

Ungalo: r u jelous???

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah donatello

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Why are you being so aggressive?

Donatello Versus: IM NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE

Ungalo: woaj jolu shit

Giorno Giovanna:   Donatello, please calm down

Donatello Versus: NO

Donatello Versus: I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN

Donatello Versus: HAVE YOU NEVER LEARNED THAT TELLING PEOPLE TO CALM DOWN MAKES THINGS WORSE???

Donatello Versus: WHY DO I HAVE TO STAY HERE AND WATCH YOU BRAG ABOUT HOW MUCH MONEY YOU HAVE

Donatello Versus: "OOOOH IM SO FUCKING RICH I DON’T HAVE TO MOVE FINGER TO GET WHAT I WANT"

Donatello Versus: "LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD PERSON I AM I CAN JUST GIVE MONEY TO THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE RELATED TO ME THAT I JUST MET AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW EXISTED"

Donatello Versus: I CAN'T STAND THIS SHIT

Donatello Versus: IVE HAD TO STEAL JUST SO I COULD AFFORD THE SHITTIEST APARTMENT IN EXISTENCE

Donatello Versus: LIVE WITH COCKROACHES BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING BETTER FOR ME OUT HERE

Donatello Versus: AND ALL OF YOU GET TO JUST LEECH OFF OF HIM 

Donatello Versus: YOU ALL GET TO WORK AND I DON'T EVEN GET THAT

Donatello Versus: NOT EVEN A SHITTY JOB LIKE YOURS

Donatello Versus: ITS NOT FUCKINGT FAIR

Donatello Versus: WHY CANT I EVER BE HAPPY

Donatello Versus: UICFJCM,CMZXC.,

[Donatello Versus is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Jegus chrust

Ungalo: wher e teh hell did tha teven come from

Giorno Giovanna:   Should I try to contact him?

Ungalo: nah

Ungalo: just leave him alone

Ungalo: ig he wants to act like a baby were not gonna give him attention

Giorno Giovanna:   I suppose...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Wait if im reading this right

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Then he doesnt even have a job

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Holy shit

Ungalo: uyeah he jaust acts like thes betetr but he really isnt

Giorno Giovanna:   I don't think we should talk like this about him when he's not online

Ungalo: why not

Ungalo: he talks like this to us too

Ungalo: also im thankgul for your money and all but youre not my mom

Ungalo: stop tring to act like youte btter than us

Ungalo: im gona go get high

[Ungalo is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Sorry.........

Giorno Giovanna:   It's okay, I've dealt with worse

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: is now offline]

[Giorno Giovanna is now offline]

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 is now online]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: No one has typed in a while, huh.....

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: How long has it been since the last chat?

[Giorno Giovanna is now online]

Giorno Giovanna: Three days

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh hi giorno! :D

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah i just checked the logs and it seems youre right

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats a pretty long time 

Giorno Giovanna: Is it?

Giorno Giovanna: I think it's a pretty reasonable time

Giorno Giovanna: After all we do not know each other that well

Giorno Giovanna: And our last conversation ended... well, less than ideally

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah.....

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I think no one wanted to be the follow up to that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Tbh im just typing here cause im pretty bored

[Donatello Versus is now online]

Donatello Versus: heard y'all were talking shit 

Giorno Giovanna: Hello, Donatello

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Hi :)

Donatello Versus: sure, whatever

Giorno Giovanna: Also we were not "talking shit"

Donatello Versus: haha very funny

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: No but seriously we werent talking shit 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Were just mentioning what happened last time

[Ungalo is now Online]

Ungalo: what happned last itkme

Ungalo: i forgot

Donatello Versus:  of course you did

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Not much

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Giorno offered money for my medical treatment and money for everyone and Donatello got pissy and disconnected

Ungalo: oh yeah

Ungalo: that

Donatello Versus: I did NOT get pissy

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah you did

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: You threw a hissy fit cause your brother offered you money

Donatello Versus: it was not a hissy fit

Donatello Versus: it was righteous indignation

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Suuuuuuuure......

Giorno Giovanna: Either way, Donatello

Giorno Giovanna: Why does it upset you so much that I'm offering you money?

Giorno Giovanna: I didn't get a chance to ask you

Giorno Giovanna: I saw what you typed and I even reread it a couple of times, but it's still confusing

Donatello Versus: isn't it obvious???

Donatello Versus: I'm not a goddman charity case

Donatello Versus: I don't want to be handed out money that I didn't work for

Ungalo: imb ack i read the tihng above

Ungalo: did nyt you said you stole to ahve your house

Donatello Versus: that's different

Donatello Versus: I had to go out and steal it

Donatello Versus: run from the cops

Donatello Versus: try to not get caught

Donatello Versus: I had to put in effort to get all that

Donatello Versus: this requires no effort at all

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I get that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But this is still free money 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And from what it sounds like, you really need the help

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Why not accept it?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats what i dont get

Donatello Versus: I'm not desperate enough to accept money from someone I don't even know OR like

Giorno Giovanna: Is it because of the roasting that you do not like me?

Giorno Giovanna: I would like to emphasize that it was all done in good fun

Giorno Giovanna: And because, honestly, you deserved it

Donatello Versus: it's not just that, jeez

Donatello Versus: it's your whole attitude I cannot stand

Donatello Versus: you act like you're better than us just because you have a lot of money and a cushy job

Donatello Versus: there's nothing I hate more than that

Donatello Versus: rich kids that haven't had a day's work and yet pretend you've had to break your back to get where you are

Giorno Giovanna: Donatello.

Giorno Giovanna: I do not mean to offend, but you really don't know me

Giorno Giovanna: You do not know the things I've had to do to get to where I am

Giorno Giovanna: You do not know my story or my life or me

Giorno Giovanna: You've had what? Two conversations with me?

Giorno Giovanna: And yet you presume to know me

Giorno Giovanna: Rest assured, I wasn't born rich

Giorno Giovanna: I will not say my suffering was worse than yours, because that is a ludicrous notion

Giorno Giovanna: But my childhood sucked

Giorno Giovanna: Like REALLY sucked

Giorno Giovanna: I went through things I would never wish upon someone else

Giorno Giovanna: And I'm sorry if by offering you money you thought I didn't consider you worthy or whatever

Giorno Giovanna: If I offer you money is in case you need it

Giorno Giovanna: Because I've gone through poverty, and I know what that's like, and I don't want anyone else to suffer like that

Giorno Giovanna: And admittedly, yes, I do not know you

Giorno Giovanna: But like I said before, we are family, and I want to help out

Giorno Giovanna: Sorry if this is rambly, but I just want to make my position clear

Donatello Versus: ....

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh....

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im sorry....

Giorno Giovanna: Don't be, you did nothing wrong.

Ungalo: well siht

Ungalo: this just got really serouis

[Ungalo sent an image: bunehirt.jpg ]

Ungalo: wiat hsit i dind tmean to send that

Ungalo: ignore it oplease

Donatello Versus: well

Donatello Versus: I was also going to send something really serious but after that i just fucking cant

Giorno Giovanna: It's alright

Giorno Giovanna: I think it might be better if we just don't continue this topic of conversation

Giorno Giovanna: At least not for now

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeahhhh

Ungalo: shit did i fuck up a moment

Donatello Versus: yeah you did you brainless maggot

Donatello Versus: ugh

Donatello Versus: also

Donatello Versus: sorry

Donatello Versus: alright thats it bye

[Donatello Versus is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Holy shit he apologized????

Ungalo: i gott a scernehsot this

Giorno Giovanna: ....nice.

Chapter Text

It was a wonderful evening outside of the house Dio and Pucci shared. The breeze was nice and light, the birds were chirping and the sun was coming down on a beautiful sunset. Enrico was glad for that, but it didn't ease his anxiety. He looked over at the dinner table, making sure every piece of cutlery was in a perfect spot. He had set it a bit earlier, taking care that nothing was out of place, that the food looked as tasty as humanly possible. 

It was important that everything was right so as to not upset Dio. Not that he had ever gotten very upset about something like this before, at least not with Pucci, but he still worried. After all, it had been almost a week since he had found out about his children, and he still hadn't told him. He had meant to do it earlier, but Mr. Brando had been horribly busy every day since. Pucci could have simply told him over the phone or on one of the many, many short conversations they had had, but to him, that wouldn't have sufficed. These were important news, he couldn't just send a text telling him "hey I found out you have kids lol". He had to be serious about this.

(Ignoring the fact that that is exactly what he did to Dio's children, but he didn't actually care about them, after all. Dio was a different case.)

-This is quite a feast. What's the occasion?

Pucci turned around to face Dio, who had just walked in through the door. He was still wearing his work uniform but didn't seem too bothered about it. Enrico smiled gently, sitting down at one of the ends of the table. Dio sat at the other end, as he usually did. 

-Oh, it's nothing really.- Pucci said, trying to sound calm and collected. It was not a problem for him, after all, he was used to pretending. He grabbed a wine glass, filling it up with some of the aforementioned liquid.- Except... I have something to confess, Dio. 

-Really? What is it? Did you kill someone?- Dio asked like he wouldn't have cared if that was the case. Pucci decided to assume that was a joke, but knowing the man he probably meant it. 

-Oh, good heavens, no.- Pucci made some hand motions to emphasize his point.- It's nothing like that at all. It does have to do with you, however. 

At that, Dio seemed more interested. He set one of his hands under his chin, playing with his food with the other. He looked at Pucci expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

-You see... Do you remember how you told me about that email you received? The one sent by a man named Donatello Versus.

-Yes, I do remember that. 

-Well...- Pucci hesitated for a second. He could still back out. That hesitation didn't last, though. No, this was Dio, he deserved to know the truth. - I decided to look into it. As it turns out, he was right. I performed some paternity tests and they came back positive. He is your son.

Dio stopped playing with his food, his brows furrowing. The hand that was on his chin dropped back to the table with a quiet thud. But Dio was still intently looking at him, so he decided to continue.

-That is not all, however. This was quite curious to me, so I decided to use some of my contacts to investigate further. It turns out he was not the only child. There are three more, two other Americans and a Japanese man living in Italy. They are all in their twenties. 

Upon saying that, Pucci decided it was a good stopping point, and looked back at Dio. He had not moved since the last time, but his frown did deepen. He stayed like that for what felt like forever but was more likely just a couple of minutes. 

-Is that all? - He finally asked, his tone cold and restrained.

-Yes, mostly. I contacted them not too long ago to inform them of this. I wanted to tell you earlier but you were too busy, and I wanted to do it properly. 

-You contacted them. Before you did me.- Dio sounded even colder, his gaze hardening. Pucci's breath caught in his throat, but he tried to calm himself down by counting some prime numbers. Dio had never hurt him before, he had nothing to worry about.

-Indeed, I did. I wanted to know what kind of people they were before telling you. They are not worth your time, really, but you still should know.

Pucci stared right back at Dio, not a shred of fear in his eyes. Dio stared right back, as if gauging his intentions. This staring contest lasted a bit, but ultimately Dio let out a dry chuckle and leaned back in his chair. 

-Eh, alright. Honestly, I would be more surprised if no child of mine was out there. I was quite reckless when I was younger.- He chuckled again, this time more genuinely. -Do they want anything from me? Let me guess, it's money, isn't it?

-Well... yes.- Pucci was quite surprised at how laidback he was about the whole situation. If that was him in Dio's position, he certainly would be a lot more worried. Not that he would ever be in Dio's position, but still. At the very least, he was glad it was going this well. If Dio didn't care, then he shouldn't have to care as well. It was Dio's children, not his own. - They said they wanted to get child support payment, the ones they say you never delivered.- He decided not to mention what other things they also wanted.

-Well, that's too bad for them. If they want my money, they need to work for it. Nothing is free in life, after all.- He was smiling, but it wasn't friendly. It felt dangerous, almost predatory. - I had to break my back to get to where I am. I'm not just going to hand it out to some strangers that happen to be my children, after all. 

Pucci decided not to comment on that last bit. He scratched his chin and turned his gaze to his food. It was getting colder, and neither of them had tasted a single morsel. So he decided to change that, taking a bite out of the steak. He was just stalling, so he quickly swallowed his food and looked back at the blonde man sitting in front of him.

-I see. What do I tell them, then? I told them I would contact them again after I informed you.

Dio reclined even further in this seat, putting his arms behind his back. 

-Tell them that they may get their money after I meet them, but only if I approve of them. They will have to work hard to get it.- His smirk widened.- I have plenty of ideas for what they can do, there is so much work that needs to be done around here, after all. 

Pucci nodded, though he was already thinking of how he could reword what he said to be as non-inflammatory as possible. 

-Excellent, then. When can they meet you? I know you are very busy.

-Indeed. They will have to wait quite a while, hm?- He let out another chuckle. Clearly, he found the whole thing to be very amusing.- I think I'll be free around... next month, yes? Yes, that does seem quite alright, hm-hm.

It was pretty likely that he had time much earlier than that and simply didn't want to do it. God knows why, but Dio was certainly quite... unique. Having considered that part of the conversation done and mentally filing away the information he learned today, he decided to finally take another bite.

-Alright. Let's eat, shall we?

Dio nodded, and the two continued with their evening, eating the food and having a pretty nice chat. Nothing else of note happened. If only Dio could be this nice with his actual children.

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards]

[Enrico Pucci is now online]

Enrico Pucci: Hello, everyone.

[Ungalo is now online]

Ungalo: is htat how u start every conversation

Enrico Pucci: Yes.

[Donatello Versus is now online]

Donatello Versus: oh great, you're back

[Rikiel is now online]

[Giorno Giovanna is now online]

Giorno Giovanna: Hello, Pucci

Rikiel: Hi :)

Rikiel: Did you talk to our dad?

Donatello Versus: yeah, did you finally tell him?

Enrico Pucci: I did.

Enrico Pucci: I told him about your existence and also informed him of your demands.

Ungalo: did u asxk sbout the stabbinh

Enrico Pucci: I did not ask about the stabbing.

Enrico Pucci: It was already established pretty clearly that there will be no stabbing.

Ungalo: dang it

Giorno Giovanna: So, what did he say?

Enrico Pucci: He will consider granting you the money, however, he will have to meet you first.

Enrico Pucci: He wants to make sure that you do not use the money for inappropriate things.

Donatello Versus: that's fucking bullshit

Donatello Versus: the man isn't present even once in my 25 years of life 

Donatello Versus: and now he thinks he has a right to decide how I get to use the money that HE OWES ME.

Ungalo: yeah what the fuck

Ungalo: if i wanna use hte oney to do drugs then thast on me

Ungalo: fuck his stupid ass

Enrico Pucci: Complaining about this to me is useless, I am not the one who decided this.

Giorno Giovanna: Yes, but can't you convince him to not do this?

Giorno Giovanna: The two of you seem rather close

Enrico Pucci: Theoretically I could, however, I have no reason to do it.

Enrico Pucci: It seems like quite a good deal to me.

Enrico Pucci: You only really need to make yourselves look presentable and not make him upset, and you can get what you want.

Giorno Giovanna: Oh, I am going to do that

Giorno Giovanna: But that's not what I am saying

Giorno Giovanna: I agree with my brothers that he has no right to decide what we use our money on

Giorno Giovanna: Money which he owes us, and which he should give us even if he doesn't want to

Enrico Pucci: I fail to see why you're so upset.

Rikiel: Its a matter of principle!

Rikiel: Like

Rikiel: Hes never acted like our dad, so why now and why about this specifically???

Enrico Pucci: Well, I don't have anything to say about that.

Enrico Pucci: Although, that is not all that Dio said.

Ungalo: wlel what else did he say

Enrico Pucci: He has stated that he also intends to test you.

Enrico Pucci: By performing a series of tasks for him and proving to him you're responsible and deserving to inherit the Brando fortune and name.

Ungalo: what the fuck

Ungalo: what does htie thingks we r, circus monkeys?

Ungalo: what 6h5e hell is wrong with him

Ungalo: is he the reason im so fucked up

Enrico Pucci: Now, now, you can't blame your own shortcomings on your father.

Donatello Versus: like hell we can't

Donatello Versus: none of us had our actual father in our lives

Donatello Versus: if we turned out like this it’s absolutely his fault

Rikiel: Uhh, i agree, but can i ask something?

Enrico Pucci: Go ahead.

Rikiel: When does he plan to meet us?

Rikiel: Since you said that he wanted to meet us first

Rikiel: I myself think that testing is kinda stupid but i really need the money

Rikiel: And i appreciate you Giorno but id rather get it from someone that should have given it to me already

Giorno Giovanna: I understand completely, don't worry

Enrico Pucci: Well, the first time I spoke, I stated that your father was busy for the whole month.

Enrico Pucci: That remains true.

Enrico Pucci: To be more precise, he will be free around the 5th of next month.

Enrico Pucci: Which means you will need to wait 5 more weeks.

Donatello Versus: five

Enrico Pucci: Correct.

Donatello Versus: five fucking weeks to see his children

Enrico Pucci: Yes.

Donatello Versus: and then he wants to fucking test us

Enrico Pucci: Indeed. 

Donatello Versus: are you fucking kidding me.

Enrico Pucci: I would never lie about something so important.

Ungalo: so u woud lie about somethin else

Enrico Pucci: Yes, I am human after all.

Rikiel: Arent priests like supposed not to lie or something?

Giorno Giovanna: Mayhaps he simply isn't a good priest

Ungalo: wait u said u lived with our bitchass dad rihgt

Ungalo: are we gonna see u too when we fo the test thign

Enrico Pucci: Quite possibly yes.

Ungalo: great

Ungalo: if i cant stab dio then ur next, cunt

[Enrico Pucci is now offline]

Donatello Versus: great, you scared him off, you fucking moron

Donatello Versus: I wanted him to really know how I feel about his whole stupid ass bullshit

Donatello Versus: fake ass priest with that stupid holier than thou attitude

Rikiel: Wait

Rikiel: We should probably move to the other group

Donatello Versus: why???

Donatello Versus: I already said I don't care if he reads this

Rikiel: Pretty please?

Donatello Versus: ugggghhhh, fine.

Rikiel: Thank you :)

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Donatello Versus: here we are

Donatello Versus: happy now?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: very :)

Ungalo: oh shit right befor ei forget

[Ungalo changed his name to didneyworl]

Donatello Versus: ...

Donatello Versus: why

didneyworl: been m,eanignto di oit for a while but i kept forgetting

Giorno Giovanna: Oh, are we changing our names?

[Giorno Giovanna changed his name to Gold Experience]

Donatello Versus: no, what the hell does didneyworl even mean

Donatello Versus: what the fuck is Gold Experience?

didneyworl: is a meme i gind funny

Gold Experience: Oh, that's just the name of my fashion line

Gold Experience: Everyone else already changed their names and I couldn't think of anything else

Donatello Versus: you're all a bunch of losers.

[Donatello Versus changed his name to donatello]

didneyworl: wow thats such a hug diference

donatello: yeah well suck my dick

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Heyyyy

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Lets not fight each other :(

Gold Experience: Yes, weren't we talking about our progenitor and the priest?

didneyworl: whyd u keep calling him that

didneyworl: prohgenitor

didneyworl: whats that mean

Gold Experience: I only called him that once before, didn't I?

didneyworl: idk

Gold Experience: Here's the definition from Google: "a person or thing from which a person, animal, or plant is descended or originates; an ancestor or parent."

Gold Experience: He doesn't deserve to be called my father, he did nothing for me

Gold Experience: I already have someone else who fulfills that role

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Really? :o

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Do you have like a good stepfather or something like that?

Gold Experience: Hah.

Gold Experience: No.

didneyworl: think t ath tells us all we needed to kbnow

Gold Experience: Yeah

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Shit, was that a bad thing to ask?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Sorry :(

donatello: but did you have a stepfather at all or not?

Gold Experience: I did, but he was nothing more than worthless scum

Gold Experience: He used to beat me as a child

Gold Experience: Could barely feed myself because he took away food

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh my god thats terrible, im so sorry about that giorno :(

Gold Experience: Don't worry

Gold Experience: I haven't spoken to him since I was 13

donatello: shit, so it wasn't only me that had a terrible stepfather

donatello: tho yours sounds worse, no offense

Gold Experience: None taken, it's true

didneyworl: i wish i had a stepfather

didneyworl: even if he sucked it would havce been something

didneyworl: m6y mom just lef tme aone all the time

Gold Experience: Oh, my mom did that too

Gold Experience: It was like a combo of awful things

Gold Experience: That's why I ran away when I was 13 lol

donatello: mood

didneyworl: same

donatello: except I was 17

didneyworl: i was 15

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Am i the only one who didnt run away from home...?

didneyworl: yeah

didneyworl:   it jusy means you had a decent relasionthsip with your mom

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Haha, I wouldn't say that...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I only live with her still because my job doesnt pay enough 🙃

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But i cant really save up cause she makes me pay rent and its pretty high 🙃🙃

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I think she doesnt like me but i can only guess 🙃🙃🙃

didneyworl: at least your mom didnt drink while pregnant 

didneyworl: hwy do u yhink i liook like this

Gold Experience: Wow, that's awful

didneyworl: yeah you fucking tell me

Gold Experience: I'm pretty sure my mom also drank while pregnant, but luckily nothing happened to me

didneyworl: lucky bitch

donatello: now I get what you were talking about before

donatello: damn it, I fucked up

Gold Experience: It's okay, you didn't know

Gold Experience: And it sounds like you also had to go through some stuff

donatello: oh yeah

donatello: got into juvie at 13

donatello: some shoes fell from the sky and I took them because why the hell not

donatello: turns out they were from a famous baseball player or some shit like that and he was gonna give them to disabled kids

donatello: no one believed me and my "parents" said nothing when they were taking me away

donatello: they didn't give a shit

donatello: and then in juvie a guard beat the shit out of me every day

donatello: cause i found a knife he was hiding

donatello: then the actual robber confessed so they let me out

donatello: but when i came home my mom didn't give a shit

donatello: think she would have prefered if i had stayed far away

donatello: her boyfriend only talked about how much pussy he slayed and other stupid shit like that so he didnt care either

donatello: sucked pretty bad but i think yours sucked more

Gold Experience: I don't think it's fair to compare

Gold Experience: Everyone here went through some bad stuff

Gold Experience: Everyone suffered

Gold Experience: No one suffered more than the other

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I wanna agree but i feel like i had it easy compared to you guys

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Even with my anxiety and the whole other things my mom at least cared a lil

didneyworl: yeah ur fuckin lucky

donatello: I mean I guess

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Tho uh

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Can i confess something?

didneyworl: if you wkilled someone im not heloing you hide the body

didneyworl: i cant go back to jail

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Haha, not that you silly billy 

donatello: Never fucking say that again

Gold Experience: Just say it

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh gosh, its going to sound really fucking sappy

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Damn i feel silly

didneyworl: just fucking say it

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Okay, alright, i get it

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I just wanted to say that im glad i met all of you

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Like sure the circumstances in which we met werent the best

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And it would have been better if our father was actually present

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But still

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Sometimes youre assholes

donatello: gee thanks

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: BUT!!!!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Youre my brothers and that counts for something

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: That and youre the first people ive met that actually understand any of what i went through too

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: (Even if my junk is not as bad as yours)

Gold Experience: Rykiel...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Dont scold me!! 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But that was that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: It may be a bit early to say this but i love you guys :)

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I wish we could all meet each other but we have to wait like a month :(

didneyworl: who said we need to wait

donatello: uh, our bitchass father, that's who

didneyworl: nah fam

didneyworl: hgiorno, u have loads of cahs right?

Gold Experience: Yes?

didneyworl: great

didneyworl: why dont yall come to muy city

didneyworl: we can ust meet up and hang out ad shit

didneyworl: i can show you the cool spots

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: You really mean it?

didneyworl: yeah 

didneyworl: fuck it

didneyworl: why not

didneyworl: not like i have anythign better to do

didneyworl: i hitnk im about to get fried anywasy so why the fuc,k not

donatello: shit, I guess it’s a plan then

Gold Experience: We do need to decide when, though

donatello: I don't have a job so I'm free whenever

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I have some day offs that i never used so also whenever! 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Though i need to ask some time in advance

Gold Experience: I can reschedule

didneyworl: shit i hadnt thought of a time

didneyworl: uuuuh

didneyworl: like this wednesday sound fine?

donatello: yeah sure fuck it

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Sounds good to me!!!

Gold Experience: Certainly

donatello: where the fuck do you live tho

didneyworl: oh in orlando

donatello: of course you're from florida

donatello: of course

didneyworl: oh shut the fuck up

didneyworl: where are you from, huh

donatello: I don't have to tell you shit

donatello: anyways I better log off

donatello: gotta find some cash for the bus tickets

Gold Experience: Well,

donatello: and no giorno, im not accepting yours still

Gold Experience: Worth a shot

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: See ya!

[Donatello is now offline]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im gonna be going too, i can't wait to see you guys!

Gold Experience: This will be fun

Gold Experience: It's my first trip to america, too

didneyworl: oh hell yeah borther

didneyworl: we gott amake it good then

didneyworl: gotta show you what makes aerica the greastest country of all

Gold Experience: I disagree on several fronts but we'll see

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I'm just happy something good is finally happening :D

Gold Experience: Yeah

Gold Experience: Me too :)

Chapter Text

As Giorno stepped off the airplane and set foot in the airport, he couldn’t help the anxiety that rose through him. It was his first time in the USA, and he was pretty lost. Of course, he had done a fair amount of research on his own, but still. And though he was sure that they would be here, part of him still worried that his brothers wouldn’t show up and would leave him stranded in a strange country.

Luckily, his worries were quickly washed away as he noticed a familiar face amongst the sea of people. It was pretty hard to mistake him for someone else, due to his… unique features. Also, he was wearing the exact same beanie he had on the picture he had sent to the group chat several days prior. He was so easy to spot, in fact, that he didn’t notice that Donatello was standing right behind him until he looked a bit closer. The two didn’t seem to notice that he had arrived, busy as they were bickering about something or other. 

It didn’t take Giorno very long to arrive at their side, though he had to shoulder past the sea of people to get there. Only then did they seem to notice his presence. Ungalo greeted him with a somewhat awkward pat on the shoulder. His eyes were red and he smelled… off. Giorno was very familiar with that smell, and he couldn’t help but frown slightly, though he tried to hide it as best as he could. 

Donatello, on the other hand, just nodded his head in acknowledgment. He looked a bit pissed off, but Giorno suspected the man just suffered from severe resting bitch face. Giorno returned the greeting by waving at them. He unconsciously extended out his hand for a handshake, only realizing that he did so a bit too late. Donatello stared at his hand and raised an eyebrow, while Ungalo high-fived it for some reason. Nobody spoke for a minute or so after that, so Giorno quietly put his hand away and cleaned his throat with a cough.

-So… Where is Rikiel? I don’t see him here. - Both to emphasize his point and to make sure he hadn’t accidentally skipped over him, he looked around the two men. Indeed, Rikiel was nowhere to be seen. 

-Oh, him. He’s in the bathroom. - Donatello pointed in the apparent direction of the bathroom with his thumb. 

Giorno hummed at that and took this as an opportunity to look around the airport. It was filled to the brim with people. He supposed it was only natural, given that Orlando was a tourist destination. Though truth be told, he didn’t know much about Orlando or Florida in general. Really, his only points of reference were Florida man headlines and Disney World (or was it Disneyland? He was never certain which one was which.) This was going to be an interesting experience for sure. 

Ungalo then suddenly started walking in a seemingly random direction while saying nothing, so Giorno decided to follow him. He was the one that lived here, after all. Surely he knew better. They were reaching the exit of the airport when Donatello stopped them. 

-Wait, shit, we’re forgetting Rikiel. 

Right. Giorno was going to blame that blunder on his jetlagged brain. And so, the three men all walked in the direction of the bathrooms, waiting until their brother joined them. They must have been quite a funny sight to any passerby, as they were the furthest thing from inconspicuous. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, a very distressed-looking Rikiel emerged from the bathroom door. 

Giorno raised his hand in a single wave, and Rikiel sighed with relief. He practically ran over to the group, looking at them apologetically.

-Took you long enough! What the fuck were you doing over there? - Said Ungalo, patting his back once rather harshly.

-Ah… sorry… - Rikiel was hunched over, trying to be as small as possible. If the earth could swallow him up, that would probably be a good thing.

-Well, whatever, I don’t give a shit. - The beanie-clad man said. - Let’s go back to my place now, I’m tired of just standing around here. It smells like shit, too.

-Your apartment doesn’t smell much better. - Commented Donatello offhandedly.

Ungalo responded to that by shoving him with his shoulder, and then the other man responded to that in kind. It escalated a bit and they had started to push each other a bit more aggressively, so Giorno decided to get right in between them. 

-Where is your apartment? - He decided to ask before the two started murdering each other.

Ungalo made a vague motion with his hands as they stepped through the exit, for real this time.

-It’s not far from here. Living close to ain airport fucking sucks though, you can hear the airplanes passing by all fucking night. Really does explain why it’s so fucking cheap, though.

Giorno nodded in understanding. Though he didn’t live right next to one, many years ago he used to work right next to one, so he understood being annoyed by the noise.

Ungalo’s house was, indeed, not that very far away. During their short trip there, the aforementioned decided it was a good idea to explain in extensive detail literally everything they spotted on the way, from houses to a leaf, like the world’s shittiest tour guide. Except every single time, without fail, he would get distracted before he finished an explanation and would start talking about something else. Which was somehow more frustrating than just getting the information or not getting anything at all.

Either way, soon they had arrived at their destination. It was a tall apartment building that looked very run down, with some of the windows broken and graffiti covering the walls. It looked very out of place alongside some other fancier buildings. Rikiel looked at Ungalo, then at the building, then back at Ungalo.

-Uh… are you sure this is the place…? - It was apparent he was trying (and failing) to hide his disgust and worry. Ungalo made a dismissive motion with his hand, before walking towards the door.

-Pshh, of course it is, you fuckin’ pansy. C’mon.

He was the first to step in, opening the door which let out a very loud creak. The rest of his siblings stood outside for a second, unmoving.

-Well, we’re going to die. - Donatello then shrugged and walked inside

Rikiel seemed to be shaking in his spot, so Giorno gently patted him on the shoulder. He motioned towards the door with his head, and Rikiel nodded.

The inside of the building wasn’t much more welcoming than the outside. Cobwebs seemed to be at every corner, and it looked like no one had cleaned the floor in years. Ungalo didn’t seem bothered by this in the slightest, walking with confidence through the maze of hallways and stairs. He lived on the third floor, so they had to climb a couple of stairs on their way there. Donatello complained about the lack of elevators the whole way there.

And then, finally, they were there. Ungalo opened the door and stepped through it first, as he did before. The apartment was small and very cramped. The main space was both a kitchen, a living room, and a bedroom, as there were no separations. The only place that was separated was the bathroom, something that Giorno felt very grateful for.

The whole place could accurately be described as a pigsty. There were dirty clothes and all sorts of trash strewn through the floor, a tower of Pisa made out of dirty dishes in the sink, and a long-since abandoned, rotting pizza on the table. More than one box of rotting pizza, actually. The bed-a small, cheap thing- wasn’t made, with most of the sheets hanging on its side. The walls were plastered with posters of various cartoons, anime, and videogames - except they weren’t actual posters. It seemed that Ungalo had printed out actual posters on regular printer paper and hadn’t even done a good job, so the images were all in low resolution and in black and white. The only place that didn’t seem to be completely nasty was a crappy plastic desk with a small laptop on top, and even then the desk was covered in several mysterious substances that Giorno didn't even want to touch. A very nasty smell spread throughout the place, very similar to sweat and rotting eggs. It was overall awful. 

It seemed he wasn’t the only one who thought so, as his two brothers both covered their noses as soon as they stepped in - Rikiel was trying to be subtle and covering it with the hem of his shirt. Donatello, on the other hand, pinched his nose with his hand and made a very disgusted expression, tongue out and all. Ungalo, on the other hand, didn’t seem to mind.

-Jesus, dude, when’s the last time you cleaned all this shit? - Said Donatello, kicking a can that was lying on the floor. The can jumped out of place and then slowly got dragged back where it was, seemingly stuck to the floor by a strange white substance. Donatello got as far away from it as possible.

-I cleaned it yesterday! If you think this is bad you should have seen how it was before, at least now you can walk through it. The junk on the floor used to reach up to my knees. I just didn’t have time to clean everything.

Ungalo sat at his bed, arms crossed. Giorno slowly made his way over to one of the cleanest corners of the room, taking care to step on as few bits of trash as possible. Just in case. These shoes were expensive, he didn’t want to ruin them with god knows what was on his half-brother’s floor. Rikiel seemed very interested in something that was on top of Ungalo’s nightstand, poking it. The blonde squinted his eyes to look at it and then quickly realized what it was - a bong. He really needed to talk to Ungalo about that, huh? Donatello, on the other hand, was staring at the various posters on the wall, amused. Ungalo noticed, smirking.

-Ah, I see you’ve noticed my collection. Not to brag, but my taste is quite fucking good, isn’t it?

Donatello couldn’t hold in his laughter after he said that, doubling over. It wasn’t very genuine, and Ungalo looked even more pissed off about that fact.

- Collection?! Dude, you printed out some garbage weeb shit you found on google images. The images aren’t even a good resolution. What the hell did you use to print these, MS Paint? God, you’re such a fucking idiot!

At that, Ungalo practically jumped out of his bed, immediately getting as close to Donatello as possible. One of his hands was balled into a fist, and the other one was hovering dangerously over his back pocket. Giorno recognized that sign immediately and was about to do something about it before he heard a loud noise. 

-Eeeeeeeeeeee.

It sounded halfway between a balloon deflating and some nails on a chalkboard. It was very successful at confusing everyone and calling attention to itself, as everyone turned to look at it. Surprisingly, it was coming from Rikiel of all people. He seemed to immediately regret it, and his left eyelid started to droop. He didn’t seem to be too bothered by it right now, as he cleared his throat and looked at his brothers.

-I, um. I think we should uh, try to clean this… - He had grabbed some random paper off the floor and was playing with it in his hands, twirling it around. - I-I mean! After all, we are going to be staying here for like, a day or two, right? M-might as well make it good… Ah, and it’s also like, 8 am? We have a lot of uh, time left to go out, yeah… - His confidence seemed to drastically go down the more he spoke, ending with him staring at the floor and playing more intensely with the paper.

Giorno nodded, taking a step towards the center of the room. He accidentally stepped in a puddle of something, and his shoe was now wet and sticky. It was pretty gross, but he couldn’t let that show. 

-I agree. I think it’s a good idea. 

Donatello raised an eyebrow, leaning against the wall before deciding that was a bad idea and standing up straight again.

-Why the fuck would I wanna do that? This is not my fucking house and this is not my fucking mess. No one would volunteer to clean my house so why should I volunteer to clean his? 

-I would do that.- Said Giorno

-Me too!- Agreed Rikiel.

Donatello rolled his eyes, looking at the bed before determining it was clean enough to sit on. 

-Fine, do whatever you want. I’m still not helping. Not my problem. - And so, as if to make his point more clear, he pulled out his phone and began scrolling away through Twitter.

Ungalo seemed a bit lost and confused in regards to the events that transpired these past few minutes. He looked at Giorno and Rikiel, in disbelief. 

-Wait… are you really gonna help me clean?

-That is what we said, isn’t it? - Giorno’s smile was small and understated, but it sure as hell was still there. 

-Yeah! Just like I said before, uh, might as well clean this up if I’m staying here, right?- Rikiel’s smile was a bit dopey.

And so, they got to work. It took them quite a while on account of the amount of trash that was around, and Giorno couldn’t be more thankful that he always carried disposable gloves around (don’t ask why he always does that, you wouldn’t like the answer). True to his word, Donatello hadn’t moved a finger to help them out… at least until he got up to grab a glass of water and noticed that not a single glass was clean, so he agreed to clean the dishes, grumbling all the while.

During this, they discovered a series of unpleasant things about their half-brother. Among them was a single, really crusty sock that could practically stand on its own and was growing mushrooms. Ungalo threw it away almost immediately and refused to say what it was, but an air of dread hung over the room for quite a while after that. Another thing they discovered was a nasty collection of used tissues under his bed. And a single slice of pizza that had also grown mushrooms and mold. Giorno was sure that nothing should grow mushrooms in a bedroom unless you were a mycologist. It was all quite disgusting. 

They scrubbed quite hard at the floor, trying to get rid of every stain, every sticky spot. They even cleaned the dirty table- it was more sticky on the underside. They made Ungalo clean that part because no one else wanted to touch it. And then, they finally were done. They were left with several trash bags half their size, a spotless floor, and the nice smell of flowers. 

Giorno wiped the sweat off his forehead, huffing a little after all the effort. He hadn’t had to work that hard in quite a while, as he usually could send someone else to do this sort of task. He couldn’t say he necessarily missed this kind of thing, but it felt nice to do something more intense than just talk for once. Then his stomach grumbled quite loudly, and it was brought to the forefront of his mind that he hadn’t eaten anything in several hours.

-Are you hungry? - Said Rikiel, looking at him as he set down on the floor the broom he was holding.

-No shit he’s hungry. What kind of dumbass question is that? - Said Donatello.

-W-well, uh, sorry, I was just making sure…

-Yes, I am. - Giorno then decided to check his phone for what must be the first time in several hours. He had a couple of messages from his friends, he would have to answer them later. He decided to check the clock, slightly surprised at the time. Had they really spent 4 hours doing just this? - It’s 12 pm already.

-Wait, really? Oh shit. - Ungalo also looked at his phone, also shocked at the revelation. - Fuck, time went by fast. 

Rikiel scratched his neck (or attempted to, as his cowprint neck brace-thingy was in the way) and looked towards the fridge. 

-We should find something to eat! - He exclaimed and walked towards the fridge, opening it. It let out a loud creak (were fridges even supposed to creak?). Inside were a jar with a single pickle in it, an almost-completely-used packet of ketchup, and a shoe with some gum on its sole. Silently, Rikiel moved the shoe up to the freezer and turned back to the rest of the gang. - Uh, there’s nothing here to eat. 

-Well, what the hell do we do, then? Do we go grocery shopping or do we eat out somewhere? - Donatello asked. Then everyone looked at Ungalo, who seemed to almost shrink under the intense gaze of his half-siblings.

-W-why the hell are you all looking at me so intensely? 

-You’re the one who lives in this city. - Explained Giorno, calmly.

-Well, fuck. Uh, I don’t know man. There’s like… a McDonald's and a Wendy’s near here… I think there’s a fancy restaurant nearby but I’m not sure, I never go to those kinds of places. - Being in the spotlight for a pronounced amount of time seemed to make Ungalo sweat hard. He felt even more unstable than normal.

-A McDonald's? Huh. I’ve never eaten there. - Said Giorno. It was intended as a throwaway comment before moving on to the rest of the conversation, but the look his siblings gave him made him stop right in his tracks. They all looked shocked and confused.

-The fuck you mean you never ate there? - Donatello was the most shocked of them all. He looked almost offended. - I mean, yeah, it’s shit, but hasn’t everyone eaten there?

-Hold on, guys. - Rikiel turned to look at his fellow Americans, an understanding look on his face. - Maybe they don’t have McDonald's in Italy? Let’s try to be understanding here.

-Oh no, we do. I just haven’t gone there yet. - Truth be told, Giorno couldn’t even remember if he had eaten there or not. He probably had at some point, after all, he was friends with Narancia, who seemed to adore the place for some ungodly reason. He just didn’t realize this would be such a big deal.

-In that case. - Ungalo practically bolted to the door, looking back at the rest of the group with a smug smile on his face. - Strap up, bitches, we’re going to McDonald's.

The McDonald’s was like three blocks away from the apartment buildings. Despite having never been there before, Giorno couldn’t help but feel a small pang of nostalgia when he looked at the small, cramped building. Children were running around the place and it was very, very loud. The air felt sticky and kind of gross, but the greasy smell made you hungrier. 

Ungalo walked to the counter with confidence, then seemed to realize something and ran back to the group. 

-Uh…. What are we getting, boys?

-Of course you fucking forgot that. Ugh…

And so, everyone told Ungalo their order and he went and actually ordered it. It wasn’t much, just a couple of big macs and fries. Giorno asked for a happy meal, just to see what that was like. They stood in place until their order was done (which was soon because everyone else in the restaurant was eating already), and once Ungalo was back with their food they picked a table at random and sat down. The surface was very sticky and covered in salt, and there was a small puddle of coke that was starting to dry. Rikiel seemed a bit disgusted at it and had started to sweat a little, Donatello looked like he would much rather be anywhere else and Ungalo had already started on his fries.

-Did you even want to come to McDonald's? - Giorno asked, and it was an honest question. No one looked like they wanted to be here. Donatello tsk-ed at that and rolled his eyes, like his question was the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. 

-No one ever actually wants to go to McDonald's. You just do it, and you bear it, and then you leave. No one over the age of 12, anyways.

-Then why are we even here?

-Because everyone has to go to McDonald's at least once in their lives. It’s your first time in America, isn’t it? And there are fewer things more American than obesity and cholesterol, so eat up, honey.

-Fair enough. 

And so, he took a bite of his burger. It wasn’t bad per se, just nothing special. Perfectly serviceable food and little else. The fries were pretty alright, but nothing he would kill over. The soda did taste a little stale, and the ice cubes had already partially melted and mixed with the drink, watering it down quite a tad. 

Everyone was eagerly watching him eat his food, almost as if they were waiting for his opinion. Giorno shrugged and made a hand motion indicating it was so-so.

-Meh. It was 6/10. Not the worst thing I’ve ever had but not the worst either.

-Well I’m sorry that McDonald's cannot compete with the fancy Italian cuisine you eat all day.- Donatello crossed his arms, leaning back against the seat.

-Didn’t you say earlier that no one actually likes McDonald's…? - Rikiel seemed confused by his statement.

-Shut up. I gotta defend my American pride, ok. There’s not much of it left.

Giorno suspected it was not about “American pride”, but decided not to comment on it. He took notice of Ungalo, who had been abnormally quiet these past few minutes. He had been scarfing down his fries, practically stuffing them down his mouth until there weren’t any left. After that, he had just sat in silence. He looked very fidgety and was sweating pretty badly. And then, he suddenly stood up, announced pretty loudly “I’M GOING TO THE BATHROOM” and bolted. Like half the restaurant looked at them and then looked away, not really caring what was going on.

-Should I-? - Giorno started, but Donatello quickly interrupted him.

-Nah. He probably just needs to shit real bad. If he’s out there for more than half an hour we’ll go. 

Giorno nodded and continued eating his food. He had paid for it after all, so he had to finish it. By his side, Rikiel had also started to shake pretty badly. Well- it was less “started” and more like “hasn’t stopped ever since they came here, but now was doing it more intensely”. His eyelids started drooping again, and he was gently clawing at his sleeves. The Italian stopped eating and looked back at him, putting an arm on his shoulder. He seemed to be having difficulty breathing. 

-Are you okay, Rikiel? 

The aforementioned intensely nodded and then shrunk back a little further on his seat. He looked like he was about to cry. 

-I-I’m fine, just k-keep eating. 

It was at this moment that Ungalo returned from the bathroom. There was something white under his nose, which only Donatello noticed. He stared at what was happening right at this very moment, then turned around and announced that actually, he needed to be in the bathroom for a bit more, he’ll be right back. Giorno suspected something was up but was too busy with the task at hand to say anything.

-Hey. Look at me, okay? - Giorno lightly tapped Rikiel’s cheeks, and the latter did indeed look at him. - I’m gonna count to three, and I want you to take a deep breath, okay? One, two, three. Now, slowly exhale. - Rikiel followed his instructions perfectly, and Giorno couldn’t help but smile. - Does that feel better?

-A little, yeah…- Rikiel nodded. Giorno nodded as well, squeezing just a tad his half-brother's shoulders. 

-That’s good. Keep doing it for a bit, and you’ll calm down in no time. You know… a really wise man taught me this. It really helped me out. - Giorno smiled fondly, thinking back on when he was younger. Bruno truly was a way better dad than Dio or his stepfather.

-I can see how. - Rikiel smiled up at him, though his eyelid was still droopy. No matter, that was going to go back to normal eventually.

Donatello, on the other hand, was bored. Giorno had taken care of their problem, and this whole thing was stressing him out. Really, he seemed to have greatly underestimated how awkward it would be to meet family that you didn’t even know you had after only talking to them for a few days. Had he learned nothing from his other family reunions? And still, he was lucky these people were actually his family. What if Pucci was just some con artist and he had just gotten scammed and robbed? That was not the case, these guys were his brothers (he could feel it somehow), but still.

And so, he decided that having a smoke would probably help. He didn’t see any ”no smoking'' signs anywhere, though he also didn’t bother to check and even if there had been one he wouldn’t have cared. He took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up, taking a drag and then blowing the smoke vaguely in the direction of his two half-brothers. He pondered just what the hell Ungalo was doing in the bathroom and briefly considered joining him when a waitress tapped him on the shoulder. 

He looked at her like she was something he had just stepped on. She looked frail and nervous, and like she hadn’t slept in a week. Typical fast-food worker. She cleared her throat and straightened her back, trying her best to look intimidating, or at least to be taken seriously.

-Um, excuse me, sir, but smoking is not allowed here.

-Says who?- Answered Donatello, blowing another puff of smoke directly at her face. She coughed, though she tried to pretend it didn’t affect her, bringing a smile to his face. 

-T-the sign, sir… And the restaurant’s policy.- She pointed at the wall, somewhere close to where he was sitting. He turned around to look and indeed, right behind him was hiding a no smoking sign. What an odd place to put it. 

-Pffft, c’mon. Why the hell would I listen to you?- And so he took yet another drag of his cigarette, making as much noise as possible just to annoy her further. From the look on her face, it worked. 

-Sir. If you do not stop smoking, I will have to ask you to leave.

Donatello groaned and said alright, motioning the cigarette towards the table and almost putting it out. The waitress looked pleased and left. And then, a devious idea came to the man. He looked at the table that was behind them- it was empty. He smiled. Oh yes, this was going to be great.

Making sure that neither his brothers nor the staff spotted him, he wrapped his cigarette into a napkin and sort of chucked it behind him, hoping that it would land in the leather seats that they somehow decided was a good idea to have in a place filled with children, or all the trash that had collected at the center of the table. As his luck would have it, it landed in the trash. He eagerly waited for something to catch on fire, trying to sneak in glances, but it was taking quite a while. All those stories of people going to sleep with cigarettes in their mouths and their beds catching on fire seemed to have misled him. He thought it would burst into flames immediately, but alas, 'twas not the truth.

After a while, a small flame appeared right next to a half-eaten burger, something which Donatello celebrated by hissing out a small “yessss”. It all seemed to go too slow for his taste, so he lit a napkin on fire with his lighter and threw it on the seat directly behind him. This time the effect was way more immediate. The same waitress as before seemed to notice the smoke and was coming over to say something, but then they all heard a loud crash.

Ungalo had to go to the bathroom. He didn’t need to use it for its intended purpose, no, but he needed it for something much more urgent. The whole atmosphere felt strange and strained, and he felt itchy all over. Remains of what he had been doing before could still be seen covering his arms and right under his nose, faint trails of white that he forgot to clean up. 

But as it turns out, that might have been too much too soon. He realized this after looking at his reflection in the mirror and punching it hard enough to shatter it. Something tells him this wasn’t a good idea, but he could still see himself in the mirror and he hated that so he hit it again. And again. He’s vaguely aware that his hands are now bleeding but he just feels so… so angry. 

He’s not quite sure what he’s angry at. Not that he had a shortage of things to be angry about. His whole life was a comedy of errors, a senseless tragedy where everything that could go wrong did. Hell, he recently found out that his dad was not dead like his useless mom had told him, and that pissed him off even more. Bur right now? Right now he’s not angry at anything in particular. He just is.

And so, he decided to kick down the sink, just because. After a few kicks, the marble loudly crumbles to the floor, broken off into many pieces. It gives him a rush, seeing things get broken and beyond repair. Makes him feel like he’s taking revenge on the world for the shit that it dealt to him. Then he moves his attention to one of the stall doors. 

He stops his blind rage for just a second to read what it said. It was mostly drawings of dicks, someone writing down a number and telling the reader to call for a good time, and a lot of other stupid garbage. Not a single worthwhile thing. It pissed him off. So he kicked it too. His intention was to kick it down its hinges, but his foot went right through the flimsy wood. So he tried it again, this time aiming. Success!

The wanton destruction was going to continue, but it got temporarily paused by a person walking in through the door. They were wearing the McDonald's uniform and looked both incredibly stressed and incredibly angry. 

-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! - They screamed, staring directly at Ungalo. Ungalo stared at them like a deer in headlights, or like a crackhead getting caught vandalizing a McDonald's bathroom. Most people would have stopped at this point. But Ungalo was not most people. 

Filled with new determination to wreck as much havoc in as short a time as possible, he quickly got to work. He grabbed one of the pieces of the sink and threw it through the window, making sure to break the glass. He chucked another piece at the mirror that was somehow still partly standing, breaking a faucet in the process. Water now flowing through the floor, he began kicking at a urinal, managing to get it off the wall. And then… he threw it at the employee. 

Luckily, they managed to dodge it in time. Not so luckily, the urinal went flying right past the open door, landing on the floor of the diner court. Some people began screaming as the urinal got piss water everywhere. Rikiel started to hyperventilate. Giorno didn’t know where to start fixing this mess. Donatello saw an opportunity.

Taking advantage of the chaos, the blonde grabbed his lighter and placed it right beside the nearest chair, lightning it on fire. He ran through the restaurant doing the same thing, laughing like a maniac, yelling how he was finally happy and that everyone sucked. He even jumped on a table and attempted to kick a chair, before quickly realizing that was not a good idea and jumping down, kicking the table instead. The poor waitress stood in the corner, helplessly watching the chaos unfold before just sitting on the floor in a corner and resigning herself to getting fired. 

Back in the bathroom, Ungalo was battling it out with the poor employee. He had somehow managed to grab a rusty pipe from somewhere and was attempting to bludgeon the other person. The employee, on the other hand, was punching him with their fists. They certainly looked stronger than Ungalo, at least. And luckily for them, Ungalo had forgotten about his pocket knife for now.

Ungalo attempted to strike their legs, but the employee thought this was a perfect moment to pick Ungalo up by his torso. He struggled, attempting to claw at the employee. However, the employee soon changed their position, holding the man in a way so that his arms were completely trapped and both his legs and head couldn’t hurt anyone. It was at this point the employee realized something was wrong, so with Ungalo in their arms, they ran outside.

Not that long after, the four siblings were standing outside. Rikiel was clinging to the side of Giorno, who in turn had his arms crossed and looked pretty annoyed. Ungalo was standing around looking dazed, covered in debris, his sweater presenting a couple of new holes. Donatello was just looking at the floor, trying to avert his gaze. 

Somehow, Giorno had managed to avoid getting the cops called on them by bribing the staff with a pretty hefty sum of money. They were, however, banned from the palace and never to return, lest excessive force be used. And Giorno didn’t know what that meant exactly, but he knew this was America and in his mind, everyone owned a gun, so he didn’t want to find out either.

-Well, now I'm banned from a McDonald's. That's something I never thought I'd have to say. And I couldn’t even find my Happy Meal toy- He stated, trying to say something to break up the awkward tension. It didn’t quite seem to work, so he sighed, pinching his temples. Then, he turned to look at Ungalo. - ...why’d you do that?

-Huh? Do what? - Jesus, just how much did he have? Entirely too much, judging by what just had happened and by the way he kept staring around like he didn't know where he was.

-Because he is a dumbass, that’s why. - Donatello commented in a snide way, though he still wasn’t meeting their gaze.

-Oh, you don’t get to say that. Both of you cost me a lot of money today. You’re damn lucky we’re family, because you really don’t want to be indebted to me.

-Pshhh, come the fuck on. What are you, part of the mafia?

Giorno simply stayed silent, looking intensely at him. Rikiel seemed to react to that, as he let go of Giorno and hunched over a bit more. Donatello didn’t say anything for a while, then looked back at him, incredulous. 

-Wait… really?

-Yeah. I was waiting for a good moment to tell you, but fuck it, why not now? It's not like anything can go worse. - He knew he should have bit back that comment when the clouds started to accumulate and grow grey in the sky above. - I am the boss of the Passione gang in Italy. The fashion designer thing is also true, it’s just my day job. 

-Wait… - Ungalo seemed to react to that, looking back at Giorno. - Shit, that’s why you had so much cash! 

Giorno nodded at that, looking at his siblings. Donatello now seemed even more fearful than before, almost as if realizing he’s made a big mistake. Rikiel continued shaking, so Giorno gave him a reassuring shoulder squeeze and a small smile. 

-Please don’t let this revelation change our relationship, however. I am still the same person I was before. It will not change anything about the way I perceive you.

-Like hell it won’t! Motherfucker, you’re a mafia boss and I kept calling you a bitch. Shit, I’m going to die. I’m going to be chucked into the ocean and sleep with the fishes. Ah, shiiiiiit...

-I mean, unless you attempt to kill me or do something particularly heinous, you really don’t have to worry. If I killed people every time they insulted me or my friends, half of Italy would be gone. 

Unsurprisingly, that didn’t seem to assuage anyone’s fears. This tense tension hung in the air, and no one seemed willing to break it. Giorno started to wonder if maybe saying this had been a mistake when Rikiel decided to speak up.

-I need some booze. Ungalo, where can we get some?

-Huh? - That seemed to snap him out of his daze once more, as he looked back at Rikiel. - Oh, yeah, that. Uh, I don’t think anywhere is open right now, but there’s a place near my house that sells some cheap beer. 

-Please take us there...

The trek back to Ungalo’s place was filled with really awkward silence. No one quite knew what to say or how to make this better, so no one said anything. It was made worse by the fact that they were halfway to their destination when it starts to rain. It wasn’t a light drizzle, either. It was a torrential downpour, and it didn’t take long for them to be completely soaked. They managed to swing by the store Ungalo had mentioned and bought a 12 pack of beer. It was some cheap knockoff brand that no one knew, but it was good enough. Luckily the store clerk knew Ungalo from before, since no one had brought their IDs with them.

When they finally reached the apartment, the first thing most of them did was sit down: Giorno besides the nightstand, Rikiel right next to the door, and Donatello on the chair in front of the desk. Ungalo went to look for towels. He came back with two long towels, though they were quite old and thin, and a shorter one. He gave the long ones to Giorno and Rikiel and the smaller one to Donatello, who looked annoyed but said nothing. He then scratched his neck, looking at his half-siblings.

-Uh… do you guys have clothes? Like, like new ones… that are clean. - Seems Ungalo was still in a daze. It hadn’t been that long since they were in McDonald’s, after all. 

That was a good question. They were only staying for 2 days (this one included), so no one had packed a lot. As it turns out, Giorno had brought two changes of clothes, Rikiel just one, and Donatello only had what he was wearing (and an extra pair of boxers but he wasn’t counting that).

They took turns drying themselves and changing in the bathroom (which they had also cleaned earlier and thus no longer smelled like death), and now they were no longer covered in water. Donatello had to borrow one of Ungallo’s t-shirts and a pair of pants from Giorno, something he wasn’t at all happy about. 

And so, now that catching a cold was no longer an immediate concern, they proceeded to crack open the cans of beer, and chug. The silence was still thick at first, but it didn’t take long for someone to talk.

-Today sure is a day. - Mentioned Rikiel offhandedly. Surprisingly, he was the fastest drinker of the four and already was almost fully done with his first can of beer. - I’m not really sure what I expected, but I don’t think it was this.

-I don’t think anyone could have expected this. - said Giorno, before taking a sip of his beer.

-Yeah, but I mean. It’s just all very strange, almost bizarre even. Like, we arrive here, we clean up a room, go to McDonald's, get kicked out because someone was wrecking the bathroom and also lit the place on fire, then get caught by the rain and have to change. And it’s not even 3 pm yet. 

-Hey, I didn’t light the place on fire! That was this dumbass! - Ungalo attempted to defend himself, and then also pointed at Donatello. The aforementioned groaned, taking a long sip of his drink before aggressively putting it down on the floor. 

-Shut the fuck up, you stupid goddamn crackhead. Why the hell were you doing drugs in a McDonald’s bathroom? Couldn’t you at least wait until we got here? Or better yet, not do it at all? - He seemed very annoyed and almost angry, but then again it was hard to tell because he always seemed that way. 

-I don’t need you to lecture me on my life choices. As if you’re any better. - Ungalo also seemed really on edge. The whole room was a powder keg that was ready to blow up at any second. 

-Girls, girls. You’re both pretty. Can you like, chill for a bit? Stop fighting all the fucking time? It gets on my nerves. - Rikiel said, sighing. He was originally sitting against a wall, but now almost his whole body was on the floor. He was well on his way to fully consuming a second beer, and Giorno lowkey worried that he was going to somehow drink the can too.

-Weren’t you busy having a breakdown at a McDonald's? Did you finally calm down or do you need Giorno to help you breathe again?- Donatello said in a mocking, fake-sweet manner. Rikiel only flipped him the bird while chugging more beer. Giorno pinched his temples again before loudly clapping.

-I agree with Rikiel. Please stop fighting. For a minute, at least. 

It was then that a bright idea came to Ungalo, though this one didn’t involve breaking anything. He got up from his spot and went to look under his bed, fishing out the same thing Giorno had spotted earlier - a bong. Then he went to his nightstand, opened one of the drawers, and took out a small sandwich bag with some little green nuggets. 

-Yo, who else wants to smoke? 

Giorno couldn’t help but frown at that, and that frown only deepened when he realized his two other brothers also wanted to smoke. He knew that weed was one of if not the least dangerous drug, but he thought it was still wrong on principle. That and judging by how they behaved when they were sober, he didn’t think it would be a good idea to get them high. So he crossed his arms and stared at them, like a chaperone at a school dance when you don’t leave room for Jesus.

-I believe I’ve made my position on drugs pretty clear.

-Yeah, that you’re a fuckin’ wet blanket who hates fun. - Stated Donatello, clearly not giving a shit about his opinion. Though he then seemed to reconsider and looked back at him, a bit afraid. - Are- 

-No, I’m not going to kill you just because you called me a wet blanket.

-Okay, good, just making sure.

At this point, Ungalo had finished preparing the b o n g. The author has no idea how any of this works, so use your imagination here, and trust me that he knows what he is doing. He took a puff and then exhaled, making a small smoke cloud rise up in the air. Giorno immediately covered his nose, trying to avoid breathing it in. He looked around the room for a window to open, and it was then that he realized there were none.

-Do you have any windows here?

-There is one in the bathroom. That’s the only one. This whole place is shit. - He then opened his nightstand's drawer again, and took out something- a black fabric facemask. Then he chucked it at Giorno, who caught it without much difficulty. - Here. If you don’t wanna smoke it, just use that. 

Ungalo then passed the bong over to Rikiel, who looked apologetically at Giorno. 

-Sorry… It helps me with the physical pain… I-it’s legal where I live! - He wasn’t quite sure why he felt the need to emphasize the legality of something to a mob boss, but still. He wasn’t used to doing illegal things (not on purpose at least), and he didn’t know if this was legal in Florida so he was a bit worried. He then passed it to Donatello.

-Who gives a shit dude, just smoke if you want to. 

And that’s how they passed a couple of hours, smoking and drinking whatever was left of their beer. Rikiel ended up falling asleep, so they drew some dumb stuff on his face with washable markers. (Ungalo wanted to use a permanent marker but Giorno convinced them not to. He didn’t even attempt to stop them from drawing, knowing it would be useless.) They then began playing some two-player flash game on the laptop, taking turns- Ungalo was by far the best at this but was also a sore loser and refused to admit when he lost.

And even though his siblings were… chaotic, to not use another word, and constantly fought with each other, this was kind of nice. The only real family Giorno had ever had was the small group within Passione that Bruno had made him a part of, but this was different. And he hoped- no, he knew, that these men could become better than they currently were. Their lives had been awful, but with a little help, they could grow and change. It was going to be a long and bumpy road, but Giorno was willing to see it through to the end. 

Because family is one of the most important things in your life, you might as well make the most of it.

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

donatello: Giorno

donatello: did you fucking leave money on my luggage

Gold Experience: Maybe

donatello: god fucking dammit dude

donatello: I told you I didn't need your money

donatello: and now I can't even give it back to you

donatello: uuuuuughhh

Gold Experience: Well, you can

Gold Experience: You can return it to me the next time we see each other

Gold Experience: Though if it gets used in the meanwhile, I won't be mad

didneyworl: wait u ghave him money

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh my god i was about to ask if the money that was in my suitcase was from someone else here

donatello: wait

donatello: did you give EVERYONE money???

donatello: AFTER complaining that we costed you a ton of money????

Gold Experience: There's a difference

Gold Experience: The situation at Mcdonald's was an unwanted, unplanned event

Gold Experience: This was planned

donatello: DUDE

donatello: YOU GAVE ME TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh thank god it was not only me who had an amount that high

didneyworl: thanks guiornbo

donatello: fuck you Giorno

Gold Experience: You're welcome

donatello: I told you I don't need it

Gold Experience: I know

Gold Experience: Think of this as a "reverse robbery"

Gold Experience: Where instead of having money taken from you, it is forcibly given to you to do whatever you want with it

donatello: You will regret this. 

Gold Experience: Scary

didneyworl: oh tyeah right

didneyworl: did evberyone arrive safely?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yup! 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: The plane was a bit delayed but I did :)

donatello: I mean I'm fine

donatello: but the bus I was in fell into a sinkhole

donatello: was there for a couple of hours until we got out

didneyworl: shit

didneyworl: u ok?

donatello: yeah

donatello: I don't have to go to the hospital thankfully

Gold Experience: I still don't understand why Americans have to worry about going to the hospital

Gold Experience: Shouldn't you just go if you need to?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I wish i was you

donatello: welcome to america, this country sucks

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Didnt you say it was the best country in the world before...?

donatello: shut the fuck up no one was talking to you

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Aw :(

didneyworl: oh shiot  i just reme nberd

didneyworl: i go tmy own florida man headline

didneyworl: tho i guessi t also includes you, donatello

donatello: huh?

didneyworl: look lol

[didneyworl sent an image: lol.jpg]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Wait were you guys on the news?

Gold Experience: How did that get out

Gold Experience: I paid them to shut up

donatello: well it seems yuo didn't pay them well enough

didneyworl: dw tho

didneyworl: they never sxay ouyr names in the article

donatello: can you link it??

didneyworl: https://www.wfla.com/news/florida/florida-man-burns-down-mcdonalds-and-wrecks-bathroom

Gold Experience: Okay, I skimmed and it doesn't seem like there is any mention of who you are

Gold Experience: There isn't any security camera footage either

donatello: why are you so worried about our identities being found out in taht

Gold Experience: For one, I don't want something so silly to be added to your criminal record

donatello: dude i already have a record

donatello: what the hell are you talking about

didneyworl: yeah me too lol

Gold Experience: Second, if your identities get revealed then people will find out that I was with you

Gold Experience: And it is better for my reputation if that part is not known

didneyworl: are we embrasassing tyo you??

Gold Experience: Not at all

Gold Experience: My friends have done things that are worse, somehow

Gold Experience: But if people from the mob find out that I was there and did nothing to stop it, they would lose respect for me and that wouldn't be good for anyone

didneyworl: i guess tha tmakes snese

Gold Experience: Speaking of my friends, I told them about this trip

Gold Experience: One of them says he "really wants to meet the fire guy"

donatello: why

didneyworl: I don't know

Gold Experience: He's just like that

didneyworl: like how

Gold Experience: Like that

didneyworl: oh ok

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Haha, well, at least we didn't get arrested 

donatello: not that it would have been my first time with that either

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since the first and last time Dio had spoken to Pucci about his children. They had not talked about them anymore since then, because they simply had no reason to. While Dio was admittedly somewhat curious about what his offspring was like, he preferred to instead wait until the day of the reunion finally came. Just in case, Lord forgive, he warmed up to them. He had to be ruthless, had to be unforgiving when they finally came here. Life wasn’t fair, and he wasn’t fair either.

Not that long ago, he had been relaxing in his office after a hard day of work at his law firm, a glass of wine in hand. And then, his annoying brother had begun to pester him through a messaging app. His contact with the only other living Brando was almost non-existent. They barely spoke to each other at all, only talking a couple of times during the year. They used to talk even less, but even since Diego had moved from England to the US, he had begun to contact him more and more often. His girlfriend seemed to be the one responsible for the change, and Dio couldn’t help but curse her internally. 

Right now, he was in the middle of said conversation, looking for any excuse to cut it off. Were it any other person, Dio would not hesitate to tell them to fuck off and block them. But he knew that if he told the fellow Brando that, he would spin that around somehow to make Dio look weak or stupid. Worms insulting him didn’t bother him, but he couldn’t stand the disrespect.

Truth be told, their relationship was… complicated. They had grown up together, at least until Dio moved to America with the Joestars when he was a teen and Diego chose to stay in the UK to further his career as a jockey. Even before that, Diego was the only other person who knew what truly happened to Dario Brando, and the two were going to take that secret to their graves. They were deeply complicated people, very similar in many ways, and they were some of the only people that could truly understand each other.

But just because they understood each other didn’t mean they liked each other. Quite the contrary. They used every single opportunity to prove to the other how much better they were, how the other would never be like them. Guess that’s what happens when you take two people with a superiority complex and pit them against each other. 

Diego: cat got your tongue? 

Diego: you still haven’t answered.

Dio groaned at that, annoyed that his stupid little brother could get to him this easily. He hastily typed something out, looking for any way to end the conversation as fast as he could. He desperately wanted to go back to getting drunk, and then go watch some trashy tv show with Pucci.

DIO: My apologies, I was doing something more important than this

DIO: What did you say?

Diego: you can scroll up and read it again.

DIO: Yes, but that would put a strain on my thumb, and I don’t want that

DIO: My hands need to be perfect, you know?

Diego: I’ll just copy-paste it.

Diego: Diego: so I was thinking.

           Diego: I haven’t visited you once since I moved here.

           Diego: and I’m free next month.

           Diego: what do you think?

DIO: Oh, that

Diego: yes, that.

Dio narrowed his eyes, looking at the screen like he could destroy it with his mere gaze. Obviously, he didn’t want to meet back up with his sibling- but he couldn’t just go ahead and say that. Diego would never let it go and would dangle that over his head at every opportunity. He had to give another reason. So, for what must be the first time in his life, he decided to tell the truth. Or, well, part of it at least.

DIO: I am so, so sorry, my darling brother

DIO: I am afraid I can’t

Diego: why not?

DIO: You see, I am terribly busy the entirety of this month and the next

DIO: I simply do not have time to welcome you into my home

DIO: It would not be fair to you to not get a welcome fit for a king

DIO: You’ve come from so far and worked so hard, after all

Diego: it’s fine.

Diego: we are family, after all.

Diego: it doesn’t have to be anything fancy.

Diego: just being with you is enough, brother.

DIO: No, no, I insist

DIO: Some other time would be better

DIO: Besides, I already have guests coming

DIO: It would be terribly rude to add more people to their visit

Diego: wait.

Diego: guests?

Oh, he shouldn’t have said that. No matter, he could get out of this. He was Dio Brando, one of the most expensive lawyers in the city. He just had to be careful, Diego was excellent at catching him in a lie.

DIO: Yes, guests

DIO: Do you know what that means?

Diego: of course I know what that means, I’m not an idiot.

Diego: it’s just…

DIO: What?

Diego: you having people over at your house is very weird.

DIO : Is it?

DIO: I’m a very hospitable person, am I not?

Diego: sure you are.

Diego: you have a whole separate mansion for the members of your weird sex cult.

Diego: and you have your office for any business meetings.

Diego: you never let anyone in your home.

DIO: Okay, first of all

DIO: It is NOT a “weird sex cult”

DIO: They are just people I like to spend time with

Diego: and have orgies with.

DIO: Second, how the hell do you know all these things?

DIO: They aren’t even true

Diego: I have eyes everywhere, big bro.

DIO: So do I

DIO: Is it true that the illness of your girlfriend’s brother got worse?

Diego: okay, quit it with the bullshit.

Diego: who is going to your house?

DIO: I have no reason to tell you

Diego: really?

Diego: so if I just happen to walk by your house on the day they arrive, you would let me in?

DIO: Absolutely not

Diego: so tell me who it is.

DIO: It’s none of your business

Diego: are you finally dating someone?

Diego: Pucci is gonna be very upset.

DIO: For the last time, I am NOT dating Pucci

DIO: He is not interested and I will respect his wishes

DIO: I am not dating anyone, and even if I were it is none of your concern.

The phone screen cracked a bit. Damn it, he was holding onto it too tightly. He took a swig of his wine, practically downing the whole glass in one go. Luckily, he could still see the texts. He would have to get it repaired later. God damned midget, getting on his nerves…

Diego: you are aware I will not stop asking unless you tell me, are you?

DIO: Fine.

DIO: It’s a family matter, if you must know

Diego: family?

Diego: what family?

Diego: is it the Joestars?

DIO: As if I would consider those plagues family

Diego: that’s what I thought.

Diego: so then…

Diego: who?

Diego: is it…?

DIO: It’s not mom

Diego: ...aw.

DIO: You really will not stop pestering me, will you?

DIO: If I tell you, I need you to promise that this stays between us

DIO: If you tell anyone, it doesn’t matter who, I will gut you like a fish

DIO: You know me. You know what I’m capable of.

Diego: more than aware of that.

Diego: fine, I won’t tell.

Diego: just say it already.

DIO: I have four children

Diego: ……………….

Diego:  YOU WHAT

Chapter Text

didneyworl: hey yall

didneyworl: i have a question

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah?

didneyworl: how d oou get a date

donatello: huh

Gold Experience: What do you mean?

didneyworl: like

didneyworl: how do u get a girl to like u

didneyworl: abnd like tahalk to you

didneyworl: and fo on dates with you

donatello: that's such a random fucking question

donatello: why are you asking us?

didneyworl: well its not like i have anyone else i can ask this to

didneyworl: i have no friends

didneyworl: and i have no good parents either

didneyworl: who else do i ask?

didneyworl: dating sims dont speak (￢_￢;)

donatello: maybe if you weren't a weeb you would have more friends

didneyworl: ٩(╬ʘ益ʘ╬)۶

Gold Experience: Okay

Gold Experience: Personally I have no experience going on dates

Gold Experience: But I have helped out a couple of my friends so I can give some advice

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: My dating life is garbage but id like to help make yours not garbage! :D

didneyworl: ＼(＾▽＾)／

donatello: first piece of advice

donatello: get plastic surgery

didneyworl: 凸(⇀‸↼)凸

donatello: wow okay

donatello: I help you and this is how you respond

donatello: I see how it is

didneyworl: i know im ugly but im also poor

didneyworl: im asking for actual advice here

didneyworl: im 100% seriouls

didneyworl: *serious

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: You never correct your typos

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: You must really be serious!

Gold Experience: Well, in that case

Gold Experience: Mayhaps a change of hairstyle could come in handy?

didneyworl: whats wronf with my hair

Gold Experience: Nothing, but a change of air could do wonders for you

Gold Experience: One of my friends changed his haircut a bit and he "got all the bitches"

Gold Experience: His words, not mine

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oooh, yeah!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And maybe your clothes too?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Just look like a completely different person!

Gold Experience: if you feel insecure about your face, some makeup can do wonders

donatello: why are you telling him to wear makeup?

donatello: do you want him to look like a fucking fruitcake?

Gold Experience: ...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: DONATELLO YOU CAN'T SAY THAT KINDA SHIT

[Gold Experience has muted donatello for 10 minutes]

Gold Experience: As I was saying

Gold Experience: Makeup can do wonders for you

Gold Experience: It can help you reshape parts of your face and emphasize others

didneyworl: oooh

didneyworl: buy i dont konw shit about makeup

Gold Experience: That's fine

Gold Experience: There are other options

Gold Experience: Though if you want to go ahead with the makeup anyway, there are many tutorials out there that help you with the basics

Gold Experience: I can link you a few later if you want :)

didneyworl: thatd be helpful (⌒‿⌒)

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Oh! i forgot to ask something

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: What are you using to find dates?

didneyworl: like tinder or smtn?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Or going to bars or stuff like that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Cause that changes the whole approach as well!

didneyworl: well idk 

didneyworl: i guess a combination of both?

didneyworl: ive been shooting my shot every chance i get

didneyworl: like whenever i see a prettyh girl i just flitr

didneyworl: and i swipe right onl like every proifle i see

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Okay...

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Well that's a problem but for different reasons

Gold Experience: How exactly do you flirt with these women?

didneyworl: well idk right now id have to see a pretty woman and then it just comes to me

Gold Experience: Just imagine you're starting a conversation on tinder after someone else matched with you

Gold Experience: (Is that the right terminology?)

Gold Experience: What would you say?

didneyworl: hey bb

didneyworl: did you fell from heacen ofr does your face alswyas look like that

didneyworl: wiat

didneyworl: waut no

didneyworl: fuck

Gold Experience: I think I understand why you have no dates now

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah thats

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Really bad

didneyworl: idk whats the problem

didneyworl: i always fuck it up

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Maybe just... let the other person start the conversation..?

Gold Experience: I've heard that doesn't work though

Gold Experience: it shows that you're not committed, or don’t want to take charge or something along those lines

Gold Experience: It’s not good either way

Gold Experience: Maybe don't try any pick up lines

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeahhhh

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: What about something funny?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Tell us a joke!

didneyworl: uuuuh okay

And then, Ungalo sent the worst joke in existence. It was long, convoluted and cringy. It contained at least two references to very niche anime, and it was borderline incomprehensible. It was made up of the worst pun you could possibly imagine, and it didn’t even have a punchline

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: 😬😬😬

Gold Experience: ...I just wanted you to know that I had to physically hold myself back from kicking you from the group

Gold Experience: That's how bad it was

didneyworl: aw c'mon it wasn't that bad!

Gold Experience: It's the worst joke I've heard in my life

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yeah... I mean

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: It sounds terrible already

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And it also is a reference to something i have no idea about

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its not gonna land, its gonna crash and burn

donatello: NMM,.FSASDFIDS FGERR IWGVJ7Y

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ???

donatello: oh i was just testing if i was unmuted already

donatello: been doing that for a while

donatello: anyways

donatello: wow that joke fucking sucks

donatello: also

donatello: you guys so far have only really focused on his appearance or his pickup lines

donatello: all super shallow shit

donatello: maybe he doesn't get any dates because his personality sucks?

donatello: think about it

Gold Experience: Maybe you should stop projecting on others, Donatello

didneyworl: idk what that means but i agree

donatello: also why are you so worried about dating people?

donatello: women are bitches anyways

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I disagree!!!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: ...but i also wanna know why

Gold Experience: He doesn't need to have a reason why

Gold Experience: Maybe he just wants love

didneyworl: yeah that

didneyworl:  but also

didneyworl: i just wanna find someone before we meet with dad

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Why?

didneyworl: idk

didneyworl: like

didneyworl: im already pretty fucking useless

didneyworl: a wasgte of space

didneyworl: i work at burger king for minimum wage, am ugly as shit and cant even get hired for what i want

didneyworl: the only thing i do eveyrday is get high, jack off and watch anime

didneyworl: all of you have something going on for you

didneyworl: like you're succesful, you have a better job or you're attravteive

didneyworl: i have nothing

didneyworl: i just want a person that i can point at and say

didneyworl: "at least i did something right to have her by my side"

donatello: one question: are you sober right now?

didneyworl: yeah?

donatello: go get high again

donatello: youre such a fucking bummer like this

Gold Experience: I understand what you mean, but still

Gold Experience: You have your own things going on for you

Gold Experience: You don't need the approval of someone who wasn't even in your life

didneyworl: what do i havce going for me?

Gold Experience: Hm? 

didneyworl: you said i have things going form me

didneyworl: what are yhey?

Gold Experience: Well

Gold Experience: You're a nice person, for once

Gold Experience: Like you said, you have a job

Gold Experience: Your sense of fashion is better than Donatello's

donatello: oh fuck off

donatello: also none of the other things you said are real compliments

donatello: they're just bland

donatello: we all saw his room

donatello: dude has no redeeming qualities

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: That's not true!

donatello: he went out to snort cocaine in a McDonald's bathroom

donatello: he’s a trainwreck

didneyworl: u burnt down the mcdonalds so ur not any better

donatello: shut up

donatello: don't get a date just to impress that old fart

donatello: that's my dating advice

didneyworl: i guess that makes sense…….

didneyworl: thakns for ate leats trying guys

didneyworl: i appreaciate it (＠＾◡＾)

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT

didneyworl: ?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Look!!!! :D

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 sent a picture: babygorilla.png]

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Me and a baby gorilla :D!!

donatello: cool

Gold Experience: You seem very excited

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I am!!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its so cute!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And I love seeing new animals around here

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Esp gorillas cause they barely breed

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its been like 6 years since the last time Munna gave birth

Gold Experience: Munna?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats the name of the gorilla mama!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Shes super nice and chill 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Shes like the most unbothered animal ive ever seen lol

donatello: I didn't realize you gave this much of a shit about animals

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Of course i do!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Why would i work in a zoo if i didnt?

donatello: because it's the only place that would hire you?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats fair

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But its not my case

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: My favorite animals arent here but i still love all of them

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Not as much as i love space but its close

Gold Experience: Who are your favorite animals?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Thats a secret~

donatello: oh come on

donatello: I bet its something dumb like cats

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its not!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Youre never going to guess what it is

donatello: why are you hiding it?

donatello: its so stupid

donatello: no one cares

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Okay. Where are you from

donatello: fair point

Gold Experience: I don't think either of these makes much sense

donatello: shut up giorno no one was talking to you

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: AHH IT MOVED IT SLIL A HNND

didneyworl: what the fuck aer you saying

didneyworl: i donst  8understand

didneyworl: and u know how i nor mally am

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: THE BABY

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: IT MOVED ITS HAND

donatello: cool?

Gold Experience: Can I see it?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: YEAH

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 sent a video OHMYHGOSHLOOKATHOM.mp4]

Gold Experience: He's really small

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: He is!!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: He was premature by like 3 weeks so hes a bit smaller than other babies

didneyworl: is he hokay

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Yup!

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Lil Rocko is doing fine

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Cause of him being premature we were worried than the mom would reject him

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But surprisingly she didnt

didneyworl: is that rare or smtn

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I think so?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I don know much about gorillas specifically but ive been told its common for moms to reject their premature babies

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: But this mom didnt reject her baby

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: She took good care of him

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: To her it didn't matter that the baby was smaller or weaker than the other babies, she still loved it all the same

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And the baby can actually be happy 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Because his mom cares

didneyworl: uuuuuh

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And the dad

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: The dad is tgakning goo care of his son

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: He didnt leave him aloneand run off wi thte h other babies and moms

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Hes protecting him from bad things

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And i fhe gets isck hes not going to leave him

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And Rocko is oging to have a happy family

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: And Rocko will not be abdnadoned

Gold Experience: Rykiel.

Gold Experience: Breathe

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Im sorrt7y I 

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: i cant nsee the screen

donatello: are you crying???

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: yes

donatello: jegus chrust

donatello: it's just a gorilla

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Its not just a glrilla

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Hes going to be happy because he haks parents that lvoe him

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: An poepl who care habotu him

didneyworl: shit wasnt here a word forn this

didneyworl: uuuuuuuuuh

didneyworl: projection i think

Gold Experience: Rykiel, I think you need to take a step back

Gold Experience: You may be, as Ungalo said, projecting a bit too hard on a baby animal

didneyworl: yeay i said something smart 

donatello: for once

didneyworl: whyh are you prokjecti ng?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I dont know

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I guess

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I guess i want that

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Like  a happy family and shit

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I know this counts and all nbut

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I wish i could have had a dad growing up

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Maybe i would have been better

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Maybe random bodyparts wouldn't randomlty droop down whenver thye wanted to

donatello: you're preaching to the choir dude

donatello: I think we all get it

didneyworl: yeah

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Sorry

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Fuck, this is so dumb

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: I got so emotinoal over something so stupid

didneyworl: hey bro its fine

didneyworl: we all do dumb shit

donatello: yeah, at least you didn't break a mcdonald's bathroom

didneyworl: u burnt it down u have no right to say anything

donatello: sureeee

donatello: btw can i say something

Gold Experience: no

donatello: great

donatello: seeing usernames like didneyworl or moomoo man talk about serious shit kinda takes you out of it

donatello: can't you guys change your names to something more normal?

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: like what?

donatello: idk

donatello: I picked a normal username

🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄: Uhhhh

[🐄 MooMoo Man 🐄 changed their username to AT2018cow]

AT2018cow: That any better?

donatello: what the hell even is that

AT2018cow: The name of an astronomical explosion!

Gold Experience: You really like cows

AT2018cow: I do!

didneyworl: im not changing my name

didneyworl: fuck u

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2: Electric Boogaloo]

Gold Experience: Alright

Gold Experience: It's been established that in two days we will be meeting our progenitor

didneyworl: wait

didneyworl: where was that aestbalished

donatello: dude

donatello: the priest told us yesterday

didneyworl: oh shit rihgt

didneyworl: i wasnt paying atteniton actlually

Gold Experience: As I was saying

Gold Experience: We need to have a plan for what we're going to do once we get there

Gold Experience: People like him are difficult to deal with

Gold Experience: If we go in without a clear idea of what we're going to do

Gold Experience: He will eat us alive

Gold Experience: We need to treat this as seriously as possible

AT2018cow: So what are we gonna do? :O

Gold Experience: That's why I'm asking this now

Gold Experience: What do you guys want to do?

didneyworl: i wana stab him

donatello: yeah me too

Gold Experience: Okay

Gold Experience: We can do that at the end of the reunion, after we've gotten his money

AT2018cow: Hmmmm

AT2018cow: Hes like, a male karen, right?

AT2018cow: So maybe we should try to be as polite and non-confrontational as possible!

AT2018cow: So he doesn't think we're a threat

AT2018cow: And he opens up and gets weak 

AT2018cow: And then BAM

AT2018cow: We strike!!

donatello: didn't know you were that evil, cow boy

AT2018cow: What can i say

AT2018cow: I care a lot about cash and not much about him

Gold Experience: That sounds good

Gold Experience: It's important to try to upset him as little as possible

Gold Experience: So Donatello, Ungalo, try not to start any fights if possible

donatello: oh come the fuck on why are you singling us out specifically

donatello: like Ungalo I get but me

Gold Experience: McDonald's.

donatello: ...

donatello: ...right

didneyworl: r uy saying all this cause you go t experinece with drug deals or awhaterv the fuck

Gold Experience: I don't do drug deals

Gold Experience: As I'm sure I've stated many times already, I'm not particularly fond of drugs

donatello: we know

donatello: alright, so we should act like lil bitches and not make him upset, got it

donatello: and after we make sure the money is in the bag, we stab him?

Gold Experience: Yes

donatello: sounds like a plan to me

Gold Experience: And please, try not to steal anything

Gold Experience: But if you do, make sure is something that he won't notice is missing until way later

Chapter Text

Today was going to be an awful day.

He was finally going to meet his dad, and he should be happy about that! He's been looking forward to this day for years, after all. But still, Rikiel can't help but have very mixed feelings about the whole situation.

It doesn't help that if he thinks too much about it, he gets an anxiety attack. Right now, he's sitting on the floor of his motel room, eating a chocolate bar while he winds down from the latest one. He'd had three so far, and the morning wasn't even over. 

Usually, they left him very tired and knocked out in bed for a couple of hours, but right now he was being fueled by some strange combination of panic and adrenaline. So he got up from his spot and exited the room.

As he walked through the busy streets of the city, he couldn't help but obsessively check his phone. Firstly, to reread the message Pucci had sent containing their address so much he'd completely memorized it. And secondly, to follow google maps very closely. It didn't help curb his paranoia, and he was pretty worried he'd end up in an entirely wrong place.

And God, he hoped that didn't happen. Because then he would have to explain to them why he was here and- hold on, did he have his keys? Wait, where was his phone?! He stopped looking for a second and it disappeared!

Rikiel frantically looked around himself for a second, feeling the panic rising and his facial features droop. And then he realized…. It had been on his hand all along.

Sighing, he decided to keep walking without acknowledging anything that had just happened back there. His mind was going a mile a minute trying to think of every possible bad thing that could happen to him in the next five minutes. He was so focused on that that he almost walked in front of a car.

Eventually, though, he arrived at the address. When staring up at the house- nay, mansion that his dad supposedly lived in, he could only think of three things: it was really big, it had a lot of windows, and it really stood out from the other houses. Rikiel doesn't know much about houses, but it definitely looked like it was built in an entirely different time period than the rest- like it was built here long ago and all the other houses were built around it.

It also made him feel very small in comparison. Wanting to finally get the whole thing started, he approached their door. It was also gigantic. He looked around for some sort of doorbell, but the only thing present was a door knocker. It was very ornate, and it had the face of a human person with small fangs protruding from its mouth. The texture was strange, almost stone-like, despite being made from metal. After a bit of hesitation, he knocked with it as loudly as he could muster.

It didn't take long for someone to open the door. It was a man. He was tall, taller than Rikiel at least, with dark skin and white hair. Strangely enough, he was wearing a cassock. Even if he was a priest, don't they usually wear something else when they're at home? But what did he know, he had never been too involved in the church.

-Hello. - Said the other man (who Rikiel assumed was Pucci). His voice was gentle, yet commanding, and Rikiel couldn't help but feel strangely at ease, his prior negative emotions melting away into a puddle.

-Uh… hi! - Said Rikiel after a while, remembering that conversations usually involved two people. His voice was trembling, and he was already starting to sweat. This did not bode well. -I’m, um, Rikiel? 

If the other man found his behavior odd, Rikiel couldn't know, as he didn't react. Instead, he gave him a slight nod and a polite smile.

-I see. We've been waiting for you. - He then extended out his hand, waiting for Rikiel to shake it before continuing. - I’m Enrico Pucci. 

-Nice to m-meet you! 

Was he a bit too eager to please? Maybe. It couldn't be helped. Still, though, it was seemingly in vain, as Pucci did not react at all. Not even a "likewise" or anything like that. 

Instead, he simply turned around and walked inside the house, motioning with his hand for Rikiel to follow him. The aforementioned stood around awkwardly for a bit but when it became clear things were going nowhere fast he followed the priest.

Looking around, he came upon another shocking revelation: the inside of the house looked even more expensive than the outside. Almost all the decoration was ornate and over the top, almost as if it was done to flex on others how much money they had. Rikiel suspected the priest had very little to do with that, as there were small spots, isolated isles where the decoration resembled something normal.

Luckily, despite how big the rest of the house seemed, it didn’t take very long to reach their destination, on account of how the dining room was one room down from the porch. The very first thing Rikiel noticed once he entered was the ridiculous amount of food that was on the table. He’d only ever seen this amount of food that one time he’d visited a buffet. It seemed.. excessive. And a bunch of the food seemed very, very expensive. 

Pucci didn’t care, however, and went and sat down at one of the sides of the table. It had been set for six, Rikiel noted. He then followed him wordlessly, swallowing saliva. They both stared at each other, each waiting for the other to start the conversation.

-Well-

-Do you-

They’d both tried to speak at the same time. After that, they waited in silence for a couple seconds longer. The awkwardness was getting to Rikiel, and his breath had already started to quicken. So instead of looking at the priest, he decided that looking around the room was a better idea.

-Uh… is… is my father here?

-Yes. He’s upstairs, getting ready. He takes a while to prepare himself, so you’ll have to wait for a bit.

Rikiel nodded politely, but inside he was grimacing. He had arrived a bit later than he should have, and even then he wasn’t ready yet? What could possibly take him so long? He grabbed one of the big forks set down beside his plate (god there were so many forks, which one was he supposed to use?) and started poking at the plate. He was a bit hungry, but he thought it would be impolite if he asked for food already.

-Thanks for c-contacting us. I c-can’t believe I’m finally about to meet my dad!- Rikiel said after some more awkward silence. 

-Yes. Rikiel, are you aware that grizzly bear males tend to abandon their young, leaving them to be raised exclusively by their mother?

Rikiel wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he didn’t, choosing instead to stare at the priest in confusion. This didn’t seem to faze the other man, as he just continued on.

-It is a rather common practice in nature. It’s not at all rare for animal parents to abandon their young. The reasons why they do it vary, but it’s often due to a lack of resources. They simply don’t have enough food or energy to tend to all their children.

He then took a pause, leaning forward just the slightest bit. Then, he picked a grape off the fruit platter, playing with it in his hand.

-The way the young are affected by this depends largely on the species, but the results are certainly interesting. If a child gets abandoned and dies, it was natural selection at work. If they instead survive, the child is strong, and will then go and breed, continuing to spread their strong genes. When looked at it that way, it makes sense, doesn’t it?

-I guess…?

Pucci then popped the grape in his mouth, swallowing it without chewing. Rikiel felt very intimidated by this act, for some reason.

-These strong animals will then go on and abandon their young, and so it repeats. Some would call it cruel. But animals aren’t really capable of further thought. That is what separates us from them. Our ability to think, to want something further, the desire to attain heaven. We are capable of not succumbing to our primal desires. The things we do and say have a reason, a purpose.

Okay, by this point he was very confused. He knew quite a bit about animals, but not enough to confidently say if this whole thing was bullshit-  though he suspected the priest didn’t know as much as he was saying he did. Rikiel wasn’t very sure where this whole thing was going, and at this point, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.

Luckily for him, their conversation was interrupted by some very well-timed creaks that came from the direction of the stairs. Both men turned their heads in the direction of the noise, noise which much like thunder, preceded the lightning that soon entered the room.

The man that came into the room could be described in many ways, but the one that first came to mind was striking. He was tall, absurdly so. His hair was a striking blonde, his eyes were gold. He was very muscular, and it wouldn’t surprise him if someone described the man as “sculpted by the gods”. The attire he had on was even more striking, a ripped black bodysuit, a golden jacket, and… crotchless pants? And elf shoes? Okay, maybe that wasn’t quite so good-looking, but the rest of his appearance distracted enough from that. 

While he was - quite obviously - astonished, Pucci’s reaction was markedly different. He was… smiling? And he looked amused? And very soft? What the fuck.

-I see you’re finally ready. - said the aforementioned smiling man.

-Yes, yes. My apologies, my bubble bath took longer than I suspected. - Said the man as he sat down at one end of the table. He seemingly didn’t even notice Rikiel at first, only later setting his eyes on top of his pink hair. His gaze noticeably shifted, getting filled with curiosity and something darker that made Rikiel feel rather unsafe. - I see the first of our visitors has arrived. You must be Rikiel, right? The one who wears that tacky cow print.

Feeling a lot more self-conscious suddenly, he shrunk a bit, vainly attempting to cover his body with his arms. He was beginning to sweat and his breathing was only getting faster and faster.

-Y-yeah, I’m Rikiel. 

-I am Dio. I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but you haven’t proved you are worth anything yet. 

Rikiel couldn’t help but widen his eyes a bit at that remark. He got the impression his father was a judgemental person, but he didn’t expect him to be quite so straightforward about it. 

-I-I promise I am! You won’t be disappointed, um, sir. 

-I prefer “Lord”.

-S-sorry, Lord Dio.

And then Pucci snickered. 

It was subtle, and it almost couldn’t be heard, but it definitely had been there. Or did he hallucinate it?

Fuck. Shit, should he have said it? But he asked and- oh. The stare Dio was giving him… they were making fun of him, weren’t they?

-Dio. He’s your son, you should be nicer to him. 

-My apologies. I can’t help but be a tease, especially when he’s squirming and sweating like he’s about to get murdered.

Well, that certainly did it. His eyelid was about to droop, and his whole body was trembling. The world was starting to become a lot fuzzier, and everything felt a lot more dangerous. He wanted to get up and ask to go to the bathroom, but he was afraid they would make fun of him again if he did. 

And then his second saving grace of the night appeared again, this time in the form of a knock at the door. Pucci immediately got up, wordlessly walking up to the front door. While they waited, Dio made it no secret that he was carefully analyzing Rikiel. He knew the plan, he wasn’t meant to upset him, then they would get his money and stab him. But after seeing him in person, he wasn’t quite sure if anything about that plan was doable in the slightest.

The next person to arrive in the house was Giorno, who sat down at the other end of the table, directly opposite their father. He seemed serious, a lot more serious than he’d seen him before. Though to be fair, he’d only seen him very few times, so it could be because of that. Actually, had Giorno ever smiled? He couldn’t recall.

-Son. 

-Progenitor. 

-Progenitor? Isn’t that a bit cold?

-Isn’t abandoning your son a bit cold?

-Hah. Ah, you’re a feisty one, aren’t you? 

Giorno only made a non-committal raise of his eyebrows to that.  Fuck, this was already going worse than he expected. Time to try to make this better before his panic attack gets any worse!

-Hi, G-Giorno! I thought you’d be f-first, heh. 

-I had a bit of a delay. I had to assuage my father that I would not attempt to murder anyone. He was worried about that, for some reason. 

-Your father, huh? And who is that, pray tell? -Dio leaned on his elbow, carefully eyeing Giorno. The other blonde had a perfect poker face, almost like a mask made out of stone. 

-It is of no concern to you. After all, it’s someone who was there for me growing up, so you two have nothing in common.

Unexpectedly, instead of getting mad, Dio laughed . All of this was so impossible to predict. Rikiel dug his nails into the wooden table, trying to steady himself - which was difficult when you felt that the entire world was spinning around you. At least no one else seemed to notice. Which was good, the atmosphere was so charged he wasn’t sure what would happen.

-Well, I don’t see how I could be there for a child I didn’t know existed, but do go on. 

-I don’t have to. I have nothing to tell you, and nothing to prove. I don’t need your help. I am only here to support my family.

-Everyone.

Pucci’s sudden interruption startled everyone. The man had remained quiet until now, finally deciding to speak up. It certainly didn’t help that he slammed his hands on the table, and that despite that, his face was the spitting image of calmness and elegance.

-I understand you’re upset with your father, but this hostility will not get you anywhere. Isn’t it better to discuss it calmly, instead?

No one said anything for a while after that. It was so quiet that they could clearly hear all the sounds that were coming from outside. Speaking of which, was that a spray bottle? Rikiel strained his ear, trying to focus on the noise. But his focus breaks once he hears another knock on the door. Must be another one of his brothers.

-I better go get it. Please, don’t fight while I’m gone. - Pucci stared at Giorno for a bit and then at Dio for a long, long time. And then, off he went to open the door. 

As soon as he was gone, the atmosphere turned even colder again. The two blondes were staring intently at each other, and it felt like if someone walked between them, they would die. Rikiel cleared his throat and put on his best smile. It was wobbly and incredibly awkward, but he was trying, damn it.

-The weather sure is nice, huh?

The other two just stared at him silently. Giorno practically pitying him. Okay. Okay, fuck. He wasn’t sure he could take it anymore, so he chugged a glass of water in hopes that his ever-increasing dizziness would go away soon. It seemed Pucci had finally opened the door. The one on the other side threw something off to the side, which landed on the floor outside with a loud metallic clank. They stepped inside before Pucci, masterfully side-stepping the priest. It was Ungalo, wearing the exact same thing he had worn the last time they visited him. Did he have nothing else to wear…?

Dio’s opinion of him was very clearly indicated by the face of disgust he pulled as soon as he saw his son. Which was quickly followed by a chuckle.

-You’re Ungalo, aren’t you?. Wow. I thought the thing about your face looking like cow excrement was surely an exaggeration, but it seems it was closer to the truth than I expected. 

Ungalo said nothing, surprisingly. He just went and sat at the table. He seemed a bit dazed, but his left eye was twitching, and so was his right hand. Rikiel wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, but he was pretty certain it couldn’t be anything good. Other more attentive people would describe it as barely contained anger. 

-Nice to meet you. - Was all he said, about as coldly and uninterested as was humanly possible

They didn’t have much time to have a conversation, as right about then yet another person knocked on the door. Considering how many people had already arrived, it could only be one person. And that was quickly confirmed when Pucci opened the door (faster than before since he hadn't even gotten the chance to sit down), and on the other side was Donatello. Instead of sidestepping, he straight up shoved Pucci to the side. He walked to the table like he owned the place.

And then he sat down on the seat closer to Dio, stared straight at him, and tore off a chicken leg. Gaze still unbroken, he took a bite, tearing off the cooked flesh. 

-The art you have outside is very modern. Really cool.

And then he grabbed Dio’s glass, taking a long, long sip of it, still staring at him. And much like before, Dio was smirking. But this gesture was enough to make Rikiel fully fucking gone. His mind was spinning, everything felt cloudy and unreal, and he was having trouble focusing on anything.

Pucci finally sat down, his face as inscrutable as always. 

-Let’s eat. - he announced while serving himself his own portion.

At first, a semblance of peace was present. Mostly because no one was saying anything or looking at anything, too focused on eating to talk about anything else. Rikiel couldn’t really enjoy the food, however, as he felt like the entire world was going to eat him. He tried to grab his fork, but he fumbled with it a bit and it fell down on the floor. The clatter seemingly awakened Ungalo, who proceeded to stare straight at their father. 

-What about the money.

Giorno immediately groaned, resting his face on his palm. 

-What about it? - asked Dio, who was calmly cutting his spaghetti with a knife, like a psychopath.

-We’re supposed to get money. Where is it?

-You were? I never promised it. I said I was going to test you for it. You haven’t passed yet.

Ungalo loudly put his hands down on the table, making the cutlery jump. Also making the already startled Rikiel jump, who afterward curled up on a ball as best he could, and kept struggling to eat a chicken wing. 

-I need my fucking money! 

He kept twitching, his whole body spasming. He was clearly on something. Giorno then got up, putting a firm hand on Ungalo’s shoulder and pushing down, forcing him to sit again.

-Calm down. It’s not time yet. Wait.

That backfired tremendously, as Ungalo pushed Giorno off and quickly got up, knocking off his chair. 

-Don’t fucking tell me what to do! I need the money! - Then, he took out a sharp pair of scissors from his pocket and started wildly flinging it around. - I’m running out! They’re fucking looking for me and I can’t stall anymore! - Then, he pointed it towards Dio - I don’t give a shit about or your stupid trial! Give me the money. NOW. 

The faces across the table were markedly different. Giorno looked exhausted, Pucci like he didn't care, Donatello was having the time of his life, Rikiel was losing his mind and Dio still looked amused. 

-And why should I give you the money? What reason do I have to do that? - He really didn’t care about the scissor pointed towards him at all. 

But the situation rapidly changed as Ungalo practically jumped across the table and grabbed Pucci by the collar, pulling him closer to himself and jamming the scissors on his throat. Pucci still didn’t emote much, simply letting out a small sigh. 

-Do you seriously want to go to jail for murder? Just for this? Put the scissors down. - He sounded calm, like he had done this before. And maybe he had. 

Dio, on the other hand, was enraged. It was the first time he’d looked even remotely upset in the entire evening. His long, sharp nails were digging in the wood and he was baring his teeth. Did he have fangs? It sure looked like that.

-Give me the money or your boyfriend gets it! - Ungalo was practically howling, feral. It reminded Rikiel of that time at the McDonald’s bathroom. He was kind of scared.

That seemed to be enough to make Dio finally snap. He grabbed Donatello’s knife, yanking it out of his hand. And then he threw it at Ungalo’s head. It barely missed him, grazing the side of his beanie. 

-Let him go, or the next one will go in your brain.

That didn’t help at all, obviously. Instead, as if to further make his point, Ungalo jammed the scissor a bit deeper into Pucci. It was enough to draw blood, but not enough to do any kind of lasting damage. 

-Do that again and I’m using him as a shield.

Meanwhile, Rikiel was desperately trying to think of something, anything, to break off the fight. Giorno seemed to be doing the same. In this state, his brain couldn’t quite think of something, so he did the first thing he could think of. Thinking back on it, it had been a pretty stupid gamble.

-HEY UNGALO! CATCH! -And then he threw a chicken wing square at Ungalo’s face. 

This was successful in distracting him, at least for long enough so that Pucci could elbow him in between the ribs and finally escape his grasp. He still didn’t seem particularly fazed. Was he used to this kinda stuff? Ungalo, on his part, doubled over and then fell on the floor.

Giorno went to check up on him, making sure he wasn’t too badly hurt. He looked both concerned and disappointed.

-I told you to wait.

-I know…

Dio hadn’t calmed down, however. His stare was fierce, and if looks could kill, Ungalo would be dead already. Nail tracks had been left on the wood, and judging by the way his hands were placed on the table, more would be made soon. 

-Excellent show, guys- Said Donatello, practically choking on a piece of cornbread while he leaned back on his chair. Pucci then swiftly pushed a leg forward a bit, making the whole chair stumble backward with Donatello in it. And then the choking turned a lot more real.

But whatever tension was rising was suddenly cut in half as the door was thrown open. On the other side was a blonde man, who looked very similar to Dio but dressed more like a normal person would. He was furious, and a lo of blood was dripping from his head.

-Why the FUCK didn’t you invite me? I have as much of a right as you do to meet them! And what the fuck did you do in front of your house? I know you love dick, but don’t you think painting one on your wall is a bit tacky? - The last two sentences were dripping with a particularly aggressive kind of sarcasm.

Everybody was focused on the sudden entrance. Pucci groaned and muttered “forgot to lock the door” under his breath. Dio’s gaze changed from angry to annoyed. But Donatello, Donatello saw opportunity. He spat out the cornbread and stared at Ungalo for a moment. Their two single brain cells connected at that moment, in a rare moment of clown to clown communication, and they formulated a plan.

-Stab. - Was all Donatello said, before jumping up towards the table, grabbing a knife, and jamming it straight in the trapezius of a very distracted Dio. 

Dio quickly snapped back, surprised at the gull of these stupid fuckers. And then Ungalo jumped into the fray, jamming his own scissors on the trapezius on the other side.

-WHAT THE FUCK?! - Screams Dio, attempting to fend them off.

And it is at that moment that Rikiel decided he’d finally had enough. So quietly, he gets up, grabs a glass of water, and locks himself in the bathroom, never to be seen again.

Chapter Text

Diego wasn’t having a good time. It had all started when his boss, a certain Mr. Valentine, had asked him for a favor a couple of days ago. Foolish people may have thought they could decline it, but Diego was smarter. He knew that if Valentine asked you for something, you had to do it or run the risk of getting fired. 

So of course, he accepted despite not even knowing what the favor was yet. That’s how he ended up like this, traveling to an entirely different city with a pile of paperwork in one hand and a rabid-looking dog on a leash in the other. 

This wasn’t supposed to go like this, though. Originally, he was meant to drop these papers off first, and then go pick up the dog from the trainer. However, complications arose and the dog had to be picked up earlier. But he still couldn’t go to pick up the papers a bit later, because the office was just about to close. Diego was convinced that his boss had orchestrated all of this on purpose because that was just the kind of person he was.

And just arriving at his destination was a struggle, too. The pile of papers was VERY tall because for some reason these people had never heard of folders. And on top of having to balance the papers, he also had to keep an eye out for the dog. The poodle (of course it was a poodle) barked at everything that moved and was constantly attempting to escape the leash to bite anyone that looked at it wrong. Not to mention, he was in a city he rarely visited, and he had to try and find his destination somewhere here, based only on what a couple of people had told him. He didn’t have a third hand to pull out his phone, after all.

But little did he know, everything was about to get worse. He stopped for a second to try and read the street signs to figure out where the fuck he was, and in that fleeting moment of distraction, the dog slipped from his grasp. It went on a straight line across from him, aggressively barking at everything it saw.

Focused on catching the dog and keeping the papers from falling at the same time, Diego ran after it. But what he failed to realize was that there was a large strip of wet cement on the ground right in front of him. He slipped on it and practically jumped into it. 

In an impressive show of reflexes, Diego somehow managed to twist his body just so, so that the paperwork would land perfectly safe on his back. This, at the expense of his now cement-covered face. The papers were worth more than his own life, and so was that dog. So with almost no time to wait, he jumped off from his place and twirled around, grabbing the papers from the air. 

Luckily for him, the workers on the construction site that he had just so gracefully jumped into had already grabbed the dog.

-It’s a feisty one, huh? - Said one of the workers, handing him over the leash. Diego attempted to smile politely at him, but it instead came across as an absolute death stare.

But he couldn’t stop for long, not even to become clean of cement. So he kept walking, even as the cement hardened on his clothes, even as people kept staring. and as it turns out, Diego Brando must be the unluckiest man on Earth. Because a stray nut fell from several floors above, almost falling right on his head. 

It only grazed him thanks to his quick reflexes, but that wasn’t all that it did. It made him stumble, which made the pile of papers start to topple over. While trying to keep both himself and the tower straight, the leash got loose again. Grabbing the papers with both his hands, he ran off after the dog again, crossing the street.

And this time he didn’t jump into cement. No, instead he got hit by a car. Again, showing what he valued more than his life, he didn’t let go of the papers. He didn’t fly very far, falling face-first on the pavement. Good news: Most of the cement on it was gone. Bad news: the cement was replaced with blood and gashes.

Dazed, he got up and started walking again. A nearby woman tried to help him, but he brushed her off. He didn’t need anyone’s help. He could do it all alone. He would prove it to them all. The dog had gotten distracted barking at a water hydrant, so he quickly snatched him up beneath his arm. Right as the dog was about to bark again, Diego growled at it, and that seemed to keep it quiet.

At last, he arrived at his destinations in quick succession. First, he dropped off the dog at the house of some woman, his brain was too scrambled to remember who she was. Then, he arrived at one of the local government buildings to drop off the papers. Ignoring the worried looks of everyone around him, he begins to make his way back “home.” 

And then he remembers what Dio had told him. About how his children were going to be visiting. Shit, that was today, wasn’t it? And he hadn’t fucking invited him. 

Now incensed, he quickly checked his phone to make sure he was going in the right direction and made his way to his brother’s house. He made note of the phallic graffiti on the wall, and then he threw the door open. 

As for the rest, we all know what happens next. So, let’s skip to what happened after that.

After the momentary chaos, things had calmed down. Mostly because Pucci threatened to call the police and that seemed to scare most people there, but still. They managed to get Rikiel to come out of the bathroom by assuring him people had stopped getting stabbed. Diego wasn’t very surprised that was a thing they had to do.  

Dio's stab wound had gotten hastily patched up, and now they were all sitting at the table, the air filled with a silence more awkward than accidentally eating someone’s pet. Everyone was looking at Dio, who was looking at Pucci, who was looking at the table. It didn’t take long for Diego to clear his throat and finally start speaking.

-Dio.

-Diego.

If looks could kill, both would probably not be dead, let's be honest, it would take a little more than that to kill them. But it would be close. Rikiel was once again cowering in his sweater, and Donatello seemed much more interested now.

-So, dear brother. Why didn’t you tell me you had children, hm? This is a very important thing to hide from your family. 

-Well, I would have told you, but I didn’t know they existed. It’s that simple. Had I known, it would be a different story, I assure you.

Their words were thick with passive-aggressiveness. It was clear to everyone else that they had practiced it for years. And judging by the way in which Pucci subtly rolled his eyes, he must have been witness to it a few too many times.

-Would you, though? Because I happened to find thanks to you accidentally telling me, so by that point you definitely knew. And yet you didn’t tell me. Is that any way to treat your brother?

-I couldn’t tell you before I met my children. I wanted to meet them first by myself, and then I was going to properly introduce them to the rest of the family.

-Really? Have you introduced them to Jonathan already, then? You know he would love to find out that he’s got even more family. 

That seemed to strike a nerve in the taller man, as a poor innocent fork got bent under his thumb. The sight amused Diego, whose smirk grew by just a tad. It seemed they were going to keep bickering like this, but then Giorno suddenly interrupted them.

-Who is Jonathan?

-Nobody you should concern yourself with. - Started Dio.

-Your uncle. - Quickly said Diego.

-Adoptive uncle, he has nothing to do with you.

-Aw, really? He would be so sad if he found out you said that.

-Do not start with that-

-How much family do we have? - Giorno said suddenly, not wanting to hear them get started again. 

Dio seemed to take a second to answer, carefully thinking out his answer. Diego’s answer came fast, however.

-On the Brando side of the family, only me and Dio. But as for the extended family? There are so many Joestars you start to lose count.

-A few too many, if you ask me. 

-Fuck, man. -started Ungalo. - I thought there was only my mom and now I find out there's a bunch of us. What the hell…

-You sound way too surprised by that.- Diego said while quirking a brow. And then he started to ponder something. - …Which reminds me. Hey, Dio. How did you find out just now that you had children? Did one of their mothers tell you?

-Oh, not at all. Pucci told me so.

-Pucci?

Diego then turned to look at Pucci, who looked like he wanted to stay as far away from family drama as possible. Realizing that he was going to get forcibly dragged into it, he decided he should remain as graceful as possible.

-...Yes?

-How did you find out before the actual father did.

Pucci sighed. When Diego was involved, there was no escape.

-Well… One day, Dio was checking his business email. He found this one email that had someone demanding child support payment. He laughed it off because it seemed like a prank, but I decided to look into it a bit further. Eventually, I found out that Dio had not one, but four sons that I know of. I decided to contact them all at once via a group chat, and that’s the end of that story.

-You told them… through a group chat?

-Yes. It’s there a problem with that?

-Why the hell would you do that?

-Well, I had to contact several people and relay the same information to all of them. I thought it would be a waste of time to do so individually. In addition to that, a group chat would also allow me to answer their inquiries all at once. It’s the most time-efficient way. And besides, none of them lived close by, so contacting them in person was out of the question.

-Hm… A group chat. - And then, a thought crossed Diego’s mind. - Can you add me to it?

-...What?

-Can you add me to the group chat? I’d like to be in it.

-I- uh-. Pucci seemed to be short-circuiting, his brain struggling to come up with a reason why Diego couldn’t be in the group chat. Ultimately, he settled on a simple: - Why?

-Because. Dio is a terrible father, and as the next Brando in line it is my duty to show them how one is actually meant to behave.

At that, Dio suddenly got up, flung his fork towards the table, and slammed his hands down.

-Okay, Diego. I think it’s about time you leave, no? I mean, I think you have been bleeding for a while, you should probably go see a doctor.

-No, no, I’m perfectly fine. I don’t need any help from anyone. And as I was saying, I need to prove just how much better than you in every way I am-

-No, really, I insist. Please, do leave-

-Oh but I simply can’t, I must-

-W-w-we still haven’t added him to the group chat. We should, uh, do that, right? Because he's f-family. - Quickly spoke up Rikiel. 

-Yes. - Pucci got off his chair, slowly walking towards Diego. - Let's. So, what’s your number?

After all that, it was soon decided that the reunion was over. Rikiel wept for all the food that went uneaten, but Pucci assured him that someone would eat it sooner or later. Currently, they’re all at the door, saying their goodbyes.

-So….- started Ungalo. -Are you gonna give us the fucking money already?

-Not quite. You haven’t completely earned my respect just yet. But that move back there was bold, I admit it. You have surprised me, so you aren’t completely out of the running just yet. Keep surprising me, and you might just get it. Now, I’ll take my leave. - Dio then turns around in the most extra way he can manage, and goes back inside, closing the door behind him.

The mudalings stay silent for a bit, unsure how to respond to that. So Pucci clears his throat.

-I will inform you all once your father makes a decision. For now, it’s best we part-

-You know. - Started Giorno. - Donatello, you are right. The art is indeed very modern. 

Pucci turns around to see what Giorno was pointing at, only to be faced with a  giant dick graffitied right on the wall next to his door. Flabbergasted, his mouth starts opening and closing much like that of a fish.

Diego then sighs and turns around to face the nephew he didn’t know he had.

-Well, that sure was something. Still, even if he doesn’t want to pay, I’ll figure something out. I have to make it up to you for missing so many years of my job as an uncle. And I promise, I am better than my brother. 

After that, they finished saying their goodbyes and parted ways. Only time could tell how this was going to go.

END PART 1: BIT BY BIT

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards]

[Enrico Pucci added Diego Brando]

Diego Brando: I see you finally remembered to add me.

Enrico Pucci: My apologies, I got quite busy and forgot

Diego Brando: busy with what?

Enrico Pucci: Personal matters, of no importance to anyone here.

Enrico Pucci: And I am still busy, so I shall leave you all here.

[Enrico Pucci is now offline]

Diego Brando: well, I suppose that's fine

Ungalo: who teh fuck are 9u

Donatello Versus: his username says his name, dumbass

Ungalo: oh

Diego Brando: indeed.

Diego Brando: but just in case anyone else needs to hear it.

Diego Brando: I'm Diego Brando, your uncle. we met back at the reunion

Donatello Versus: if that can even be called a reunion

Rikiel: Well it was quite disastrous, but it did reunite people so I guess it counts? :T

Giorno Giovanna: Welcome to the groupchat

Diego Brando: thanks. 

Diego Brando: I'm gonna need to catch up on what you were talking about here.

Donatello Versus: you aren't gonna find much here

Donatello Versus: they're all pussies 

Donatello Versus: too scared to talk shit about others to their face

Ungalo: shut the fuck up

Donatello Versus: oh my god, you strung together a full sentence without a typo! 

Donatello Versus: that's really rare

Rikiel: Are you fighting again

Rikiel: I thought you guys liked each other now

Donatello Versus: what could have possibly given you that impression

Giorno Giovanna: I assume the fact that you two agreed to stab a man

Donatello Versus: I don't need to like someone to do that

Donatello Versus: I've helped mortal enemies shank different, even mortaler enemies

Donatello Versus: it's nothing personal

Ungalo: waitr

Ungalo: are whe mortal eneimies now?

Donatello Versus: see, things like this are why I don't like you

Giorno Giovanna: Diego, I am so sorry

Giorno Giovanna: I would say they're not always like this, but then again that would be lying, wouldn't it?

Ungalo: 凸(´• ω •`)凸

Donatello Versus: my god stop it with that shit

Diego Brando: alright, all caught up

Rikiel: That was fast, jeez

Diego Brando: I'm a fast reader.

Diego Brando: I saw that you insulted my brother

Diego Brando: good.

Giorno Giovanna: Do you dislike him?

Diego Brando: dislike is a strong word.

Diego Brando: it's hard to say.

Diego Brando: but he absolutely deserves to get called what you called him

Diego Brando: he has fucked up quite a lot in the past

Donatello Versus: damn, getting personal

Diego Brando: from what I've seen, all your insults are personal as well

Ungalo: lmoa gotem

Diego Brando: *lmao

Ungalo: (╥﹏╥)

Rikiel: For how long have you known our dad?

Diego Brando: since I was born.

Diego Brando: we're blood brothers.

Rikiel: That was a dumb question, sorry...

Diego Brando: normally it would be.

Diego Brando: but on account that we're both also adopted, it's slightly less dumb.

Diego Brando: only slightly though.

Giorno Giovanna: Wait, adopted?

Ungalo: im so confused

Ungalo: dsidnt u say u qwrwerew both bllood brtohers??

Diego Brando: I could barely understand that, but yes.

Diego Brando: Dio and I are blood brothers.

Diego Brando: however, we both also got adopted.

Diego Brando: which means we have another brother - no matter how much it pains Dio to say that. 

Donatello Versus: I hope he's better than you

Diego Brando: I haven't really interacted with him much so I cannot say.

Diego Brando: definitely better than Dio, though.

Diego Brando: at least he doesn't have a sex cult.

Giorno Giovanna: ...

Rikiel: You

Rikiel: You can't keep dropping this sorta stuff with no explanation

Diego Brando: I thought you already knew.

Diego Brando: you did call him a whore before.

Donatello Versus: that was because he had four children with four different women

Donatello Versus: what the fuck you mean he has a sex cult?

Diego Brando: he had all of you with different women?

Giorno Giovanna: One issue at a time

Diego Brando: right.

Diego Brando: yes, he does.

Diego Brando: he keeps insisting it's just people he likes to hang out with and that it's some sort of religion or whatever the hell.

Diego Brando: but I know the truth.

Diego Brando: I've seen... videos...

Diego Brando: I wish I didn't

Giorno Giovanna: Okay, I think that's enough information

Giorno Giovanna: I do not want to imagine my progenitor like that

Donatello Versus: no, I wanna know more

Rikiel: Donatello please

Diego Brando: he has a separate house where they all live.

Diego Brando: apparently he goes to stay there sometimes.

Ungalo: he has two houses

Ungalo: and h ed cant evben pay child support

Diego Brando: seems that way.

Donatello Versus: you know, I hadn't realized how much information you possessed.

Donatello Versus: how much are you willing to trade?

Donatello Versus: whatever it takes to prove I'm the superior Brando.

Donatello Versus: I'll be watching your career with interest

Giorno Giovanna: You are being nice to him just because you can blackmail Dio, aren't you

Donatello Versus: yup

Diego Brando: I respect that kind of haphazard hatred.

Diego Brando: you don't see that very often nowadays.

Diego Brando: sadly, I have to log off

Diego Brando: my girlfriend is calling me

Rikiel: You have a girlfriend?

Diego Brando: cheers. 

[Diego Brando is now offline]

Giorno Giovanna: Well, that was enlightening

Ungalo: i cant bvelievce dad has a s ex cult

Ungalo: and we didnt even get invited

Donatello Versus: I fucking hate being your brother

Chapter Text

[Dio's Bastards 2 : Electric Boogaloo]

AT2018cow: So apparently our dad has a sex cult

donatello: sure does

Gold Experience: Can we stop talking about that? 

donatello: no lol

donatello: it's funny

Gold Experience: I respectfully disagree

Gold Experience: But even then, how do we know he is saying the truth?

donatello: why wouldn't he?

Gold Experience: Why would he?

donatello: well he said he wanted to prove he was the better Brando

Gold Experience: And don't you think he could lie to do that?

donatello: I mean maybe

donatello: but idk, I think he isn't

didneyworl: wait wtf

didneyworl: ur acutally trstuting someone?

donatello: shut up

donatello: I have no reason not to

AT2018cow: Yeah but you never trust anyone

donatello: why are you all so skeptical?

donatello: do you seriously doubt this is true?

Gold Experience: I'd prefer if it weren't, but I don't doubt there's some truth to it

Gold Experience: What I'm saying is that so far, all we got is gossip

Gold Experience: Until there's some actual, tangible proof that this is all true, it's best to not take it at face value.

donatello: why is it so hard for you to just trust this thing?

donatello: he's his brother, I don't think he would lie

Gold Experience: Donatello.

Gold Experience: I don't mean to offend, but you of all people should know why that's incorrect

donatello: what, you calling me a liar now?

Gold Experience: No, no, I'm just saying that certain people are prone to exaggeration

AT2018cow: Why dont we ask him for proof then?

AT2018cow: It would be dumb to just trust what he has to say just because theyre brothers

AT2018cow: But!

AT2018cow: It shouldnt be hard for him to have proof of what he says

AT2018cow: ...Right?

didneyworl: ur smqrt

didneyworl: we shold do taht

Gold Experience: I agree

Gold Experience: At the very least it would be more productive than arguing amongst ourselves whether it's true or not

donatello: what kinda proof would we ask for??

didneyworl: he sed hes got videaoss

AT2018cow: Uh, i dont think we wanna see what kinda videos he has...

AT2018cow: Hmm...

AT2018cow: Maybe we can ask for pictures of the other house?

AT2018cow: Like, Dio in that other house I mean

AT2018cow: Or videos of the cult in uh

AT2018cow: SFW situations

donatello: I still think you're thinking about this too hard

donatello: does he even live here?

donatello: idk if he can take a picture of that

Gold Experience: He had to have found out somehow

Gold Experience: And I got the impression that Dio did not tell him

Gold Experience: He will just need to show us his sources

donatello: and you honestly think he will do that?

Gold Experience: Maybe, maybe not

Gold Experience: What he decides to do will define how I feel about him

didneyworl: matybe if he reveals his souurces they wont want to tell him anything annmore

Gold Experience: I fail to see how that would be my problem

AT2018cow: Oh! Or maybe we can negotiate something with him

AT2018cow: Like we give him something and he can give us the proof

Gold Experience: I don't think we should give him anything if we don't even know for sure that proof even exists

AT2018cow: Oh... youre right

AT2018cow: Im dumb, ignore me

donatello: oh my god we just keep going in circles

donatello: just accept it!

donatello: next time he logs in, we can just ask him

didneyworl: wens that gona be

donatello: how the fuck should I know?

donatello: lets just ask tomorrow and stop being annoying now

donatello: everyone agree?

didneyworl: seems fine

AT2018cow: I guess we don't have anything to lose

Gold Experience: Fine by me

donatello: great, now shut up everyone

donatello: talk to you later

Chapter Text

Rikiel: Uhh diego?

Rikiel: Are you there?

Diego Brando: yes.

Diego Brando: why are you talking like I'm some sort of ghost?

Ungalo: might as well be

Ungalo: hgosted us ur hole life

Diego Brando: I did not.

Diego Brando: I didn't even know you existed!

Donatello Versus: yeah yeah yeah sure whatever

Donatello Versus: anyways

Donatello Versus: we have something to ask blond boy

Giorno Giovanna: Blond boy...

Donatello Versus: personally I believe what you’re saying

Donatello Versus: but these bitches wanna ask for some proof that what you're saying is true

Rikiel: Youre so nice Donatello

Donatello Versus: I know

Donatello Versus: anyways

Donatello Versus: cough up that evidence

Diego Brando: evidence?

Donatello Versus: that our dad's got a sex cult

Diego Brando: oh, that, right.

Giorno Giovanna: How did you not remember?

Giorno Giovanna: You told us yesterday

Diego Brando: oh I remember.

Diego Brando: you just started talking about proof all of a sudden and I got confused.

Diego Brando: I am busy with other things too, you know?

Diego Brando: though I still fail to see why I need to provide some.

Diego Brando: do you not trust me?

Giorno Giovanna: Why would we?

Giorno Giovanna: You came very suddenly into our life

Giorno Giovanna: We have no reason to trust you 

Rikiel: I mean technically we also came into each other's life suddenly

Giorno Giovanna: Now's not the time, Rikiel

Rikiel: Oh ok

Rikiel: Sorry

Diego Brando: alright, so you claim you want to see some evidence.

Diego Brando: but are you sure you wanna see what I have?

Diego Brando: it's...

Diego Brando: not exactly safe for work.

Diego Brando: and that's putting it lightly.

Giorno Giovanna: Well, not really, no

Donatello Versus: fucking send it already

Donatello Versus: I wanna have blackmail material

Ungalo: me 2

Rikiel: I dont wanna see that in particular

Rikiel: But it counts as proof right?

Diego Brando: votes are in.

Diego Brando: the jury says yes.

Diego Brando: give me a second.

[Several seconds later]

Diego Brando: wait.

Giorno Giovanna: ?

Diego Brando: what the fuck.

Ungalo: wat hapenbed?

Diego Brando: it's gone.

Rikiel: Whats gone?

Diego Brando: the files.

Diego Brando: they're gone.

Diego Brando: they're not where I put them.

Donatello Versus: maybe you put them in a different place?

Giorno Giovanna: If they even exist

Diego Brando: I swear they're real.

Diego Brando: .

Diego Brando: oh my god are you joking.

Ungalo: huh

Diego Brando: there's a file called "get rekt.txt" in the folder where the video was.

Donatello Versus: no way

Diego Brando: I swear it's true.

Diego Brando: look at this!

[Diego Brando sent an image]

Diego Brando: "It's best not to brag when your security is this bad. -TTD"

Giorno Giovanna: Your file was deleted by a mysterious person right when we asked you to show it to us

Giorno Giovanna: What a coincidence...

Diego Brando: I know how it looks but I swear, I'm not lying.

Diego Brando: look, give me a couple of weeks and I'll collect enough to prove without a shadow of a doubt that I'm not lying.

Giorno Giovanna: Why are you going so far for something like this?

Diego Brando: I already said so, didn't I?

Diego Brando: I want to prove that I'm better.

Diego Brando: and I don't appreciate being called a liar.

Diego Brando: this solves both things in one fell swoop.

Donatello Versus: great

Donatello Versus: that solves it then

Diego Brando: yes.

Diego Brando: give me some time and I'll contact you with all the evidence you could possibly want.

Giorno Giovanna: Alright

Giorno Giovanna: But in the meantime, your claims don't hold any water

Giorno Giovanna: Is that clear?

Diego Brando: yes.

Giorno Giovanna: Good

Giorno Giovanna: I think this conversation is over, then

Giorno Giovanna: Talk to you later

Chapter Text

Gold Experience: Hey everyone

didneyworl: hhrllo

Gold Experience: I know these past few days have been... strange

donatello: you can say that again

Gold Experience: Emotions were running high, and I know you are still upset about our progenitor not giving us what we asked for

Gold Experience: That's why I wanted to invite you to a special event

AT2018cow: :O

AT2018cow: What kind of event?

Gold Experience: I am launching a new autumn collection soon

Gold Experience: After the walkway event, we're hosting an afterparty to celebrate

donatello: "we"

Gold Experience: Some friends of mine

Gold Experience: I thought it would be nice to invite you there so you could take a break from all that's happened

Gold Experience: ...and my friends do want to meet you, so I suppose there's that too.

AT2018cow: Uuuh sorry if this sounds dumb, but didn't you live in italy?

donatello: you're right, it does sound dumb

Gold Experience: I do, why?

AT2018cow: I don't think I have enough money to travel there, haha... :(

Gold Experience: Oh, if your only concern is money, then don't worry

Gold Experience: I can pay for it this time

Gold Experience: This is a special occasion after all

didneyworl: oh fukc yeha

didneyworl: ive alwasy wanted to go tot iraly

didneyworl: and try the pizza and see tjhe leaning towaer of pizza

Gold Experience: You might be disappointed to learn that this won't take place in Pisa

donatello: yeah, and also

donatello: bruh

donatello: you're going to Italy and the only thing you're looking forward to is the pizza?

donatello: you already have pizza here, dumbass

Gold Experience: It's not fair to compare American pizza to Italian pizza

Gold Experience: Not fair to the American pizza, I mean

donatello: don't start with that shit, you fake plastic Italian

didneyworl: y wouldnt i thikn abt the pizza

didneyworl: its the most italian hting rihgt?

donatello: god you're impossible

donatello: ugh anyways

donatello: what was it that you did, again?

didneyworl: me?

donatello: no, dumbass, I'm talking to Giorno

didneyworl: oh (╥﹏╥)

Gold Experience: I thought I'd said it already

Gold Experience: I'm a fashion designer

donatello: what the fuck does that actually mean

Gold Experience: ?

donatello: like what exactly do you do

Gold Experience: ...design fashion?

Gold Experience: I'm not sure what you want me to respond to that with

donatello: fuck, ugh, no

donatello: like what kind of fashion do you design

Gold Experience: Oh! Well, that I can respond to

Gold Experience: I help design and tailor high-end clothing for both formal and casual wear

Gold Experience: Unlike some of my contemporaries, my focus is on making them both good looking and practical to wear

didneyworl: i undrastand everytgbnig now

Gold Experience: Do you?

didneyworl: no

didneyworl: not really

AT2018cow: Your job sounds really cool :)

AT2018cow: You never have to worry about your fashion! :D

Gold Experience: I do, it's kind of the whole point, really

AT2018cow: Shit, uh, I mean your personal fashion

AT2018cow: Like how you dress and that!

AT2018cow: You never have to worry about people judging that because you got the credentials to back it up :)

Gold Experience: Most people never really talk about it, so I suppose you're right

didneyworl: Oh oh i knooow

didneyworl: s cuz ur in the mafia, right

Gold Experience: Yes, Ungalo. It's because I'm in the mafia

didneyworl: hell yeah i knewiy

didneyworl: im s o smart

donatello: maybe people should criticize the way you dress, though

Gold Experience: Let's not walk down that path again because you're not gonna like it

donatello: fuck you

AT2018cow: Sorry for changing the topic, but I got something I wanna ask, Giorno

AT2018cow: Since you know about fashion and all that stuff

Gold Experience: Go ahead

AT2018cow: Do you think my outfit looks like a fetish thing?

Gold Experience: ...

donatello: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Gold Experience: Why...?

AT2018cow: Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable!

AT2018cow: I'm just asking cause on every dating app I've ever used, the only people who hit me up do so cause they think I'm into some sort of weird fetish

AT2018cow: Not knocking on them if they are, but it's not my thing at all

AT2018cow: And it's the only kind of attention I ever get :(

AT2018cow: So, uh

AT2018cow: Does it really look like that...?

Gold Experience: I don't know enough about fetishes to respond to this question, on account of my total lack of interest in sex

Gold Experience: Does anyone else here have an answer?

donatello: answer: yes. yes, it absolutely does

didneyworl: u look like ure into leahter kink or some shit like that

didneyworl: asnd into uuuh animal play i thinks its caled?

didneyworl: that kinda hsit

AT2018cow: Oh goddammit

AT2018cow: Is that why the only people who hit on me are weirdos??

donatello: yes. very much so

AT2018cow: Dang.

AT2018cow: I don't wanna dress differently though :(

Gold Experience: You don't have to change how you dress just because people assume things about you

Gold Experience: People assume a lot of things about me based on how I dress, but I don't pay them any mind

Gold Experience: You shouldn't either

AT2018cow: Thanks GioGio :)

Gold Experience: GioGio?

AT2018cow: Yeah, GioGio!

AT2018cow: Cause you know, your name starts with Gio and your surname too?

AT2018cow: So, GioGio!

Gold Experience: Huh, that's fun

Gold Experience: Anyway, circling back to the earlier topic

AT2018cow: Haha yeah sorry for the tangent

Gold Experience: Are you all coming, then?

didneyworl: yuh

AT2018cow: Yup!

donatello: when's this thing happening?

Gold Experience: Around two weeks from now

donatello: shit, that's soon

donatello: what are we gonna wear?

donatello: it's like some fancy thing right?

donatello: so should we wear something fancy too?

donatello: I have 0 cash to waste on something like that

Gold Experience: Don't worry about that, I'll have something made for you once you get here

donatello: welp

donatello: guess I'm going then

Gold Experience: Great, see you all there then

Chapter Text

Donatello looked out through the airplane window, watching the ground get closer and closer as they descended. The trip had been quite long and left him exhausted. Never before this had he thought one could get tired of sitting down, and yet here he was. 

Once the plane had come to a full stop, he got out and started to look around. He'd heard great things about Italy, but so far he wasn't seeing it. Some others would point out that he was still in an airport, but Donatello shooed those thoughts away. Only cynicism was allowed to stay, thank you very much.

Once his critical analysis of Italy (which boiled down to "America is better, actually") was over, he started to actually look for his brothers. They were all very flashy, it shouldn't be hard to find them. He felt a sudden sense of Deja Vu, but he ignored it as he started to walk through the crowd. Speaking of flashy, a significant number of people here dressed very strangely. Donatello had not yet learned that he had no right to judge the sense of fashion of others.

And it was right at that moment that Donatello realized something. Despite what his name may tell you, he didn't know a lick of Italian. He'd never bothered to learn it, as he didn't think it would be very useful. But it now occurred to him that he might have been wrong

He was floundering around the airport like a fish out of water - or an American lost in Italy, as it were - when he noticed that two men were looking straight at him. One of them had a black bowl-cut with two round hairclips and was wearing a white suit with white spots and a chest window. The other man had long white hair and had a purple… hat? eggshell? ... something on his head, and was wearing a dark purple suit with yet another chest window. They were dressed just as strangely as most everyone here, so Donatello was going to assume they were both Italian too.

The man with the bowl cut approached him, looking at him and then at his own phone. 

- Are you Donatello Versus? - he asked, a thick Italian accent in his voice. Donatello nodded, and the man nodded back at him. - Great, nice to meet you. I am Bruno, this is my Abacchio. We've come to pick you up on behalf of your brother.

The other man started to walk, but Donatello wasn't going to go with them just like that. He crossed his arms, staring them down.

- Yeah, no. Who the fuck are you? Where the hell is Giorno?

At the mention of his half-brother, the taller man - Abacchio, right, that was his name - groaned. Bruno turned around, looking at him the same way a mother looks at a particularly rowdy child, and then looked back at Donatello.

- Giorno is our boss. He is busy right now, which is why he sent us. Your other siblings are already at his house. We have more proof if you require it. 

Donatello stared at the man for a moment more, trying to intimidate him, but Bruno's gaze was unrelenting. It was him who looked down first, slightly embarrassed by his pathetic display. 

- No, it's... - he sighed, pinching his nose bridge. - It's fine. I'll follow you, I guess. Not like I have anywhere else to go.

Bruno smiled gently and nodded once again.

- Excellent. Please accompany us, then. 

And so Donatello trailed behind them until they reached a limousine. That gave him pause.

- Are you sure this is the right vehicle? Seems a bit big for just the three of us.

Abbacchio got in first, while Bruno just looked at him somewhat incredulously.

- Of course. The Boss only wants what's best for his family, after all.

That's so fucking corny, he thought, and he was about to say it when he suddenly remembered. Oh right, he's the boss of the Italian mafia. The capo? What the hell is that called? Semantics notwithstanding, this made him suddenly straighten up, cold sweat running through his back. Shit, had he pissed them off by accident? They seemed calm, but he wasn't sure.

So just in case, he decided to go against everything he'd ever learned and stay quiet during the whole trip. There were several points where he felt inclined to say something, but his fear shut him up time and time again. So he sat still, waiting until they arrived wherever they were going.

After what felt like an eternity, the car came to a stop. Donatello would have normally looked out the window, but he was stuck in between the two Italians. Thankfully, they opened the door for him and he could finally see what was outside. It was a mansion, and it was huge. At the very least, it was bigger than Dio's.

The two men escorted him to the entrance of the house, where another man was standing. This one had medium-long blonde hair and was wearing a green suit that looked to be made of cheese. 

- Mostragli la casa. - Said Bruno to the man

- Perché devo occuparmi dell'idiota? - The man didn't look very happy, and while Donatello had no idea what he was actually saying, he had a feeling he was being insulted.

- Sai perché.

At that, the other man seemed like he was about to whine, but instead, he closed his eyes and bit his lip.

- Sì, signore. 

Bruno nodded, then turned around to face Donatello once more.

- Donatello, this is Pannacotta Fugo. He'll show you around the house and tell you where you're going to be staying these couple of days. 

Fugo gave him a nod as his sole greeting. Donatello looked at the man up and down, carefully analyzing him. 

- Panacotta, huh? They named you after a dessert? That's stupid.

- They named you after a ninja turtle and yet I didn't say anything. 

His goodwill (because apparently, that was goodwill) instantly dropped the moment he said that. He could tell he wasn't going to like him or this.

- Well, we ought to be leaving. I'll leave you to it, Fugo. - Bruno said, about to turn around

- Where are you going? - Donatello asked. 

- To help Giorno. He needs an extra couple of hands. - Bruno then walked into the car and sat inside, but before closing the door he let out a quick - I'll see you later.

Fugo waved at him, and as soon as the car started, he turned to look at Donatello once more. 

- Please come with me. I'll show you around the house.

- Uh, yeah, I heard it the first time Bruno said it. No need to repeat it.

Fugo's eye twitched but otherwise didn't seem to react. 

- My apologies. - He said, and the sarcasm dripped heavily from his words. - Just follow me. 

After that little scene at the entryway, Fugo took Donatello from room to room, explaining what everything was. The house was just as big on the inside as it was on the outside, but it was so much fancier. It didn't feel as over the top as his dad's house, as it was a lot more tasteful and well-designed, but it still struck him as a lot. Like it was done more to flex than to show his actual taste. 

And really, Donatello was never going to get rich people. They had exclusive rooms for the weirdest things. Who needed an entire room just to sunbathe? Couldn't you just go outside and do that? In his house, he ate, shit, and slept in the same room and he was just fine! What was with all this separation?

- ...and that is the library. If you want to visit it, you should tell us so we can accompany you.

...so maybe he hadn't really been paying a lot of attention. So what? It was not very important. He could orient himself just fine, thank you very much. 

- ...and this is the guest room. Your brothers and you will be spending here most of your time. Any questions?

-Where's the bathroom?

Fugo's soul left his body. The man looked so tired. Weakly, he raised one arm and pointed to the end of the room. 

- It's there. I already told you. Just... go, I'll wait for you here.

¨- Don't have to tell me twice. - He said and ran off to the bathroom. And it must have been his imagination because as he left he heard a faint " clearly I have to ."

Rich people bathrooms were something else. He'd been in them a couple of times (without their owners knowing, of course) but he never could get used to them. They were just so.. so... so fucking extra . Like this one, for example. It was bigger than his entire apartment (and had way fewer cockroaches, too). The toilet was a high-tech one imported from Japan, one of those that cleaned your ass with a water jet. The shower was huge, with very precise temperature controls, and right beside it was the biggest bathtub he'd ever seen. And there were not one, not two, but three mirrors. What the hell did he need three mirrors for? And didn’t Giorno live alone? This was excessive, even for him. 

Either way, once he'd gotten over his shock, he focused on what he'd come here to do. Namely, look for shit to steal. Yeah, Giorno had been very nice in inviting them here and all that, but he was still pissed off about that one time he gave him money. So he started to look around, and his first stop was the bathroom cabinet.

He opened it up and was faced with several toiletries and other such things. So he started to grab whatever he found, stuffing it into his pockets. A bottle of pills? He didn't know what they were for, but sure! A tiny towel? Completely useless, he wanted it! An electronic brush? The most expensive thing he now owned. 

He was satisfied once he'd packed so much that nothing could physically enter his pockets anymore, so he exited the bathroom. True to his word, Fugo was waiting for him just outside. 

- What took you so long? - asked the man whose wardrobe was attacked by moths in an unfortunate accident.

- Diarrhea. - answered Donatello, face betraying no emotions.

A flash of anger passed through Fugo's face. He wanted to punch him, he knew that. Sadly for Fugo, Donatello wasn't done yet. 

- Well, guess I should go into my room. You said my brothers were here, right?

- Yes. Narancia should be there too, he was in charge of watching them while I waited for you at the door. 

Donatello opened the door to the room just so, making sure Fugo couldn't see inside.

- Well. Whoever Narancia is, they're not here. Neither are my brothers. 

- What? 

That seemed to have confused Fugo. Donatello opened the door more, so he could see there was absolutely nobody inside the guest room. People had come here, as was evidenced by the undone sheets and the luggage laying on the floor, but not a single soul was currently present.

- Quell'idiota... - Fugo muttered under his breath. - Let's go look for them. I was ordered to watch all of you. And Narancia also needs adult supervision... - His speech trailed off at the end.

- This house is huge, how are we meant to find them? 

A loud crash was heard a couple of rooms away. 

- I believe that was our hint just now. - Fugo answered, looking rather smugly. Donatello felt a burning need to punch him in the face, but Fugo was part of the mafia and while he wasn’t scared enough of him to not fuck with him, he was scared enough to not want to pick an actual fight.

-------------

It took them a while to get to the kitchen. It was quite a bit far away, just as everything seemed to be in Giorno's god-forsaken mansion. And oh god, they were not prepared for what they were about to see inside. 

The kitchen floor was covered in all sorts of mysterious liquids and fruit peels, the countertop was covered in flour, and a bottle of orange juice had gotten knocked over it, spilling its contents. The blender was turned on, actively blending raw eggs and spreading them further over the countertop and kitchen. These eggs were being thrown by Ungalo and a short man with black hair - most likely Narancia, who seemed to be delighted every time the eggs didn't break but groaned whenever they did. 

Rikiel, on the other hand, was sitting in a corner scrolling through his phone, seemingly unaware of the chaos present in the room.

Donatello turned to look at his companion and found it difficult to contain his laughter. Fugo looked furious, his fists balled and his eye twitching once more. If this were a cartoon, his face would be completely red and smoke would come out of his ears. 

- You alright there? - Donatello tried to say jokingly, his appearance making him forget entirely that he was a part of the mafia, but Fugo did not respond.

Instead, he beelined towards the black-haired man, grabbing him by the shoulders and turning him to face him.

- Narancia. - Fugo said, and it could almost be described as a growl. - What. Are. You. Doing.

- Egg basketball. - Stated Narancia simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

This seemed to confuse Fugo enough that a not-insignificant chunk of his anger simply left his body, his hands slowly sliding off Narancia's shoulders.

- I... what?

- Y'know, egg basketball. You grab an egg and throw it into the blender. If it breaks before it lands on the blade, you get nothing. If it doesn't break, you win a point. 

- Why?

- Cause I was bored! 

Fugo facepalmed, taking a big, big breath. Donatello almost felt pity for the man. Almost. Instead, he walked over to where Rikiel was sitting and tried to look over his shoulder. He seemed to be reading Wikipedia, so he quickly tuned it out and focused back on the far more interesting conversation that was going on right now.

- You were bored ?! Narancia, I- Oh my god. You were meant to be watching them!

- Yeah, but you never said where I was supposed to do that! Besides, Ungalo said he was hungry.

- Yeah, I did! - Chimed in Ungalo, before going back to chucking eggs at a blender. 

-Why would you not assume they were meant to stay in the room?

- Why would you?

That seemed to be it, Fugo's breaking point. Donatello could almost feel his soul evaporating from his body. It had finally happened. He had no more will to live. He stayed in a sort of catatonic state for a moment, until it was broken by Ungalo chucking a raw egg at him. As an egg white slowly dropped down his head, Fugo ground his teeth so hard that it became audible. 

- THAT'S IT. I'M TAKING A MINUTE BEFORE I MURDER SOMEONE. - He then turned around and began to walk out of the kitchen.

- Can I go show Ungalo something outside? - Narancia sneakily added.

- SURE, WHAT DOES IT MATTER WHAT I THINK ANYWAY? JUST DON'T GET KILLED, AHAHA. 

And then Fugo slammed the door on his way out. After a moment of silence, Narancia turned around to face the three brothers.

- Alright, who wants to burn some shit?

And it was then that Donatello knew that maybe he wouldn't hate his stay here as much as he thought.

Chapter Text

Not too long after Fugo had resigned from life, Narancia led the brothers outside. It appeared he was a frequent visitor, as he had no trouble navigating the maze of hallways and rooms. 
The group walked through the front lawn of the mansion, and kept walking even past that. Ungalo seemed a bit jittery and impatient, Rikiel was looking around like everything surprised him, and Narancia was smiling from ear to ear, looking very self-assured. Donatello, for his part, just wanted to know where the hell they were going. So he asked Narancia exactly that.

— To my special place! — He answered, seemingly uninterested in giving out any more details. 

— Your special place? — Questioned Rikiel, trying to confirm he had heard it right.

— Yup! My special place. Where I go when the world pisses me off and I don't wanna get in trouble for stabbing people. 

— I-I see... — Said Rikiel, clear in his face that he didn't really mean that. — What happened to the other guy? Fugo, I think he was called. 

Narancia shrugged.

— Hell if I know. Probably went to beat someone up. Hey, maybe he has a special place of his own! — He chuckled at his own stupid joke. Ungalo laughed too.

Rikiel didn't seem entirely satisfied by that comment, but he chose not to say more. That was probably a good idea, thought Donatello. The little man didn't seem entirely right in the head.

They kept walking for quite a while, with no end in sight. They took turns every now and then, going through alleyways, busy streets, and even crossing a river at one point. His feet were starting to hurt, and he was about to open his mouth to complain, but he was preemptively shut up by Narancia.

— Here we are! — He said, arm outstretched as if showing something off. — Ain't she beautiful?

Donatello looked up from the floor at what Narancia was showing them. It was a vast field, extending as far as the eye could see. Tall mounds of trash of all sorts covered the ground, the dirt and patchy grass barely visible behind the hulking garbage piles.

— ...that's it? — he said, not even trying to hide his disappointment.

The mafioso seemed annoyed at that comment, but quickly brushed it off. He went deeper into the dumping ground, leaning down and picking up something.

— You just haven't seen the best part yet. Come closer.

And though he typically wouldn't obey anyone, he decided to make an exception just this once. Getting closer to the field let him see it with much more clarity. This part of the field was overflowing with big electronic trash — there were TVs, microwaves, computers, and even a couple of cars. And that was not all — right at Narancia’s feet were a couple of bats and some jerrycans which reeked of gasoline.

Once he was standing closer, Narancia threw a bat at him. Not at his head, luckily, but rather at his hands. He caught it in the air, then turned it around in his hands, examining it. It was chipped in a couple of parts, little dents and marks covering the instrument. He looked up at Narancia.

— Why?

— To break! — said Narancia, right before demonstrating what he meant. He gripped the bat he was holding with two hands, and smashed one of the TVs. It made a loud crashing sound, and the top half separated entirely from the bottom half.

— Oh, hell yeah! — Exclaimed Ungalo from the back, quickly running up to where the other two men were. 

Narancia threw him a bat as well, and Ungalo didn't take long to start breaking things. He went to a car that was nearby and kicked it, soon regretting it. He held his damaged foot, jumping around and muttering curses under his breath. Then, he hit the hood of the car with his bat, denting it. 

— Yeah, take that! — he exclaimed, right before swinging his bat again. 

Narancia then grabbed one of the jerrycans from the ground and poured the fluid atop the TV he had broken already. He then rummaged through his pockets, and triumphantly held up the item he had been looking for. It was a matchbox. With a flick of his wrist, the matchstick lit up, and he dropped it atop the TV. It instantly went ablaze, which made Narancia laugh like it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

Donatello raised his brows, then looked down at the bat again. He smiled, and decided that fuck it, why not? He walked towards one of the towering piles of trash and brought his bat down, watching as the junk flew everywhere. Some of it fell on the TV fire, fueling it and making the flames taller and fiercer. This prompted more roaring laughter from the two other maniacs that were breaking stuff. He laughed as well, feeling a strange sensation of Euphoria. 

This sensation faded somewhat when he noticed that Rikiel wasn't really doing anything. He was just standing there, watching the others with an inscrutable expression. Donatello approached him, bat still in hand. 

— Aren't you gonna do anything? 

— Should I? — Responded Rikiel, apprehension in his eyes. — I-I'm not sure I should. 

— Why not? — Donatello tilted his head slightly, squinting his eyes.

— I don't know, what if we get in trouble again? Remember McDonald's?

As if he could ever forget. He made a dismissing sound, flicking his hand as if he was swatting a fly.

—Pssh, forget about that. We're not in a McDonald's now, we're in... a junkyard, I think. And besides! If we get in trouble, we can just blame that other guy for it. He brought us here, after all. 

Rikiel still didn't seem fully sure, but he nodded either way.

— A-Alright. I guess this time it's fine. 

He walked towards the bats, grabbing one of the last remaining ones. He moved it up and down slightly, judging its weight. Then, he did a practice swing. 

— You know, I never really did any sports. Was always too weak for them. I guess it's not so different now, but I'm not gonna let that stop me anymore.

Rikiel looked around for a bit until he spotted something that interested him. An electric oven, unassuming and out of the way. It looked almost brand new, it couldn't have been here for too long. 

In a second, his expression changed. His eyes were full of hatred, his face contorted in a grimace. He held his bat up, then quickly brought it down towards the oven with an earth-shattering crack. Rikiel began to scream as he hit the oven, again and again. He seemed to be much stronger than he looked, as it didn't take long for the oven to shatter in half. 

But he kept going. He kept hitting it, over and over, rage that had spent years being concealed finally bubbling to the surface. Ungalo and Narancia responded to the screaming in kind, hollering all sorts of stuff out. But Donatello kept quiet, silently watching as Rikiel turned what had once been an electric oven into a pile of dust. He didn't even think a human could do that, but apparently, he had been wrong.

After there was nothing left of the oven, Rikiel dropped his bat, breathing heavily. He wiped the sweat from his brow and raised his eyebrows. 

— Whew... That was... intense. I think I'm done.

And with that, he walked until he was outside the dump, at which point he took out his phone and started messing with it. Donatello made a mental note to never make him mad enough for him to do that again, and went back to burning shit.

They spent quite a while there. Donatello wasn't sure how long, he hadn't been checking the time, but the sun had gone down quite a bit. And the final confirmation of how much time had passed was the fact that a familiar car was parked right in front of the dump. 

It was the same limousine that had gone to pick him up from the airport. And from it stepped out Bruno. He looked around, finally locking eyes with Narancia. He seemed... not mad, but disappointed, which felt scarier.

— Narancia, there you are. — He said, approaching the aforementioned. 

Narancia, who apparently didn't notice the car until this very moment, dropped his bat. 

— Ahh, Bruno! Hello! — Despite being startled, he still seemed in high spirits still. 

— What are you doing here with Giorno's brothers? — Bruno didn't seem as happy. He crossed his arms and lifted his chin, looking at the fellow gang member from above. — And before you say anything - Fugo told me what happened. 

— That snitch. — Said Narancia, eyes squinting and hands balled into fists.

— You were meant to watch them inside Giorno's mansion.

— I knoooow, but I got bored! And I was still watching them! And no one told me it had to be inside his house!

Bruno stared at him sternly at first, but soon sighed and dropped all pretenses. Then, he looked around.

— Fugo told me you would be here, but... why a dump? You all will have to take a shower before we go to the fitting. 

—Fitting? — Rikiel asked. 

— Yes. Giorno had some suits made for you, and while the measurements should be correct, we would like to make sure that they fit well. Especially since you are meant to wear them to this night's event. 

— And what if I don't want to? — Asked Donatello, arms crossed.

— Well... — Bruno looked elsewhere. — I suppose you are allowed to wear your normal clothes, but it wouldn't be advisable. 

Seemingly satisfied with that, Donatello nodded. 

— Now, if there aren't any more questions... — Ungalo raised his hand. — Yes?

— Can I keep the bat?

— ... Sure. Now, can you all please get in the car? 

After going to Giorno's mansion for a quick shower, they went back into the car and finally arrived at the tailor. The entire store looked incredibly expensive, showcasing the same sort of excess displayed in Giorno’s mansion. At this point, Donatello didn’t know if the entirety of Italy was like this, or if Giorno was trying to flex his wealth hard. 

A man came by and talked to Bruno in Italian. He didn't understand what they said, but Bruno and the man seemed friendly. The man then nodded and started to walk away. 

— Follow me. — Said Bruno, who was following the man.

The man led them towards a room located in the back. Black pleather sofas lined one of the walls, a row of doors opposite them. Abaccio sat down at the edge of one of the sofas, while Bruno said something to Ungalo. 

Ungalo and the man walked through one of the doors, and Bruno turned to speak to the others. 

— Ungalo is the first in line to get fitted. Once he’s done, you two are next. 

— Aren't there any other employees here? — Asked Rikiel. He sounded a bit confused.

— There are, but Giorno requested that only the top tailor here work on the suits. Said he wanted only the best for you, and all that.

— Of course. — said Donatello under his breath, rolling his eyes. 

Since he was seemingly going to be here for a while, he sat down in one of the sofas, not even checking if anyone else was sitting right next to him. He checked his pockets to pull out his phone, and it was at that moment that he came upon a startling realization.

He had left his phone at home.

When they'd gone back for a shower, he must have put his phone down in the guest room, and then never picked it up. 

He groaned, leaning back on the sofa. Well, this was going to suck. 

To try and entertain himself, he started to look around the room. Both the walls and the floor were pure white, and so clean it almost looked like a mirror. The ceiling was black, and so were the decorations hanging on the wall. There was not a speck of dust anywhere, everything so clean and sterile that it felt almost unnatural. There was also nothing that you could use to pass the time, not even those ancient magazines that you see in waiting rooms sometimes.

Then, he decided to look at the people here. Rikiel was doing something on his phone, seemingly playing some sort of game. Lucky bastard. The only other person in the room beside the brothers was Abaccio. He was leaning against the sofa with a scowl, seemingly just as bored as Donatello. That man hadn't said a word since he met him, hadn't he? 

— Hey, you. — Donatello said, pointing with his head at the man. 

Abaccio turned his head slightly to look at him, still scowling, still silent. 

— You're Abaccio, right? — The other man nodded. — You don't talk much.

— I don't have to talk. — Abaccio answered. He sounded as annoyed as he looked. 

— You must be the life of the party. Do you work for Giorno too?

— Regrettably, yes. 

— Regrettably? Do you not like it or something?

Abaccio leaned back against the sofa, letting out a loud sigh.

— It's less not liking the job itself, and more so not liking who I'm working for.

Donatello's eyebrows rose up at that. With how important Giorno was, and how overly obsessed with respect he heard gangs were, it surprised him to see this random guy talk about his dislike of Giorno so casually. Then again, he didn't really know who this guy was to Giorno, did he? 

— I'm guessing you don't have a positive impression of Giorno.

— You can say that again. I haven't had a single interaction with him where I didn't feel like strangling him.

— You're really open about this. Aren't you scared?

— Why would I be? If that little bastard tries to do anything, Bruno would probably kill him, honestly. 

— Really? — Donatello leaned forward, his interest most definitely piqued. — Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like him. Everyone else seems to, you seem to be the sole exception.

— I'm not the only one, trust me. But everyone else who's in the same boat as us has learned to keep their mouth shut. 

— Giorno really doesn't like people criticizing him, huh? And yet he told me he wouldn’t attack others just for that, what a liar.

— Oh no, he's telling the truth. He doesn't do anything. The people who work for him do, but he doesn’t even try to stop it. 

— Don't you work for him, though?

— Yes, but I don't particularly care about it. It's their fault if they're dumb enough to get killed.

 — You really don't pull your punches, huh? 

— Why should I? The world isn’t nice, so why should I be? 

Donatello smiled. Yeah, he liked this guy.

---

After they all got their suits fitted, they returned to Giorno's mansion once more to get changed. Ungalo kept tugging at the suit's collar, seemingly uncomfortable wearing something this nice and fancy. Rikiel was sweating buckets. Donatello, on the other hand, was perfectly comfortable with his suit.

— You should have told the tailor if you didn't like it. — Was all he said to them about it.

After getting changed, they went back into the limousine and finally arrived at the event of the night. The building it was taking place in was tall and luxurious, the entire exterior made of tempered, colored glass. The lights surrounding it made it sparkle, looking like it was covered in stars. 

— Wow... — Rikiel said, awe in his eyes as they all went inside. 

 A bouncer stopped them right before they managed to go on. He said something in Italian, but Donatello couldn't understand what he meant. Luckily, he didn't have to. Bruno stepped to the front, and after exchanging a few words with the bouncer, he let them in. 

The inside was even more opulent than the outside, with chandeliers hanging from the high ceiling and gold-plated tiles on the wall. In the middle of the room was a long catwalk, matte black, tall and imposing. Around the catwalk were several rows of chairs, which took up a good chunk of the total space in the room. And dotted around the room were tables with all sorts of fancy snacks atop them. 

Ungalo didn't waste any time, immediately lunging for the snacks and shoving them in his mouth. The people were staring, but he didn't care. Donatello took this time to look around at the other people surrounding him. They were all dressed strangely, and he had to wonder if some of the things they were wearing were comfortable at all, because they sure didn't look like it. 

He didn't have much time to dwell on his thoughts, because soon the lights dimmed. The other guests began to move around, sitting down on the chairs or finding a place to stand near a table. Rikiel looked like he had no idea what he should do next, standing awkwardly in place.

Donatello simply leaned against a table, ready to mentally mock every outfit he was about to see. The announcer spoke, saying something in Italian that he, again, did not understand. Then, a spotlight shone near the beginning of the catwalk. 

Under the light was a young woman. Her hair was pink, her bangs forming a big swirl. She was wearing a short black dress, with small stripes of translucent material that showed off stripes of skin. Attached around the waist was a long pink skirt that almost reached the floor. The ruffles on the skirt added volume to the outfit, and the skirt was open at the end, showcasing the rest of the dress.

Donatello's eyebrow raised at that. He wasn't sure what he thought about it. I mean, it certainly wasn't what he was expecting — but then again, he'd been expecting them to come out wearing trash bags and similarly ridiculous outfits. This... Well, it wasn't that. It was fine, he guessed.

The model kept walking down the runway, commanding everyone's attention. Her magnetism was undeniable, and she made the clothes look even better than they already wear. Shortly after, another woman began walking behind her. She was wearing a long dress, covered in silver sequins. They glittered against the light, appearing white in parts. The dress had a low, v-shaped neckline, and a black belt at the waist. Over it all was a long black jacket, so long it reached the floor.

And after that, another one. This one was wearing a white sweater, under which was poking out a black belt with an elaborate silver buckle. She was also wearing slim-fitting pants, which were reddish orange. Her high heels were white, with a small opening near the toes. And to top off the outfit was a wide-brim black hat, which was tied under the head. The models kept coming in and out, showcasing the clothes that Giorno had designed.

And Donatello kept trying to deny it, kept trying to downplay it, but he couldn't keep lying to himself. He liked what he was seeing. It was good, not too plain and not too exaggerated. And despite how much he fought against himself just for this thought, he couldn't help but respect Giorno for it. Yeah, the guy may be a pompous asshole who flaunts his wealth and status, but damn if he didn't put in effort here. Granted, none of this looked like something he would wear, but that didn't make it bad.

----

The rest of the show went off a hitch, and at last it was over. The lights were turned back on, and people began to mingle with each other. And it wasn't very long until Giorno finally appeared on the floor. 

Rikiel spotted him immediately. Not that it was hard to, on account of how almost immediately he was surrounded by people on all sides. Most importantly, there were two people sticking right by him. One was a man wearing a beanie, a gun poking out of his pants. And on the other side was a girl with pink hair- hey, wasn't she that one model from before?

Giorno seemed to spot him pretty fast. He turned his head towards the man, saying something he couldn't quite get, then started to walk near Rikiel. His outfit, unsurprisingly, was different. It consisted of an orange suit jacket with black lapels, a black vest, and a black shirt, which had been left unbuttoned enough to show his chest. To complete the ensemble, he was also wearing black pants and a pair of black dressing shoes. It all looked incredibly expensive. The girl near him was wearing a black brassiere, a wraparound skirt, and a pair of knee-high boots

 — Hey there. — Giorno said, smiling politely. He was standing right in front of him. — Uh, where are the others?

Rikiel pointed to their respective places.

Ungalo was still eating, seemingly still not full even after several hours. Rests of food were smeared all over his face, and the rest of the guests had seemingly learned how to avoid him altogether. Donatello was leaning against a table, talking with Abaccio. He didn't know what they were talking about, but from time to time he could see Donatello mimicking strangling, so he guessed it was nothing good. 
— Ah. Thank you. — Giorno nodded, then directed his attention back to the man next to him. — Mista, can you go fetch my brothers?

The man- Mista, apparently, nodded, and off he went. A few minutes later, he was back, with Ungalo and Donatello in two. Abaccio had apparently stayed behind. 

— Nice to see you all. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you earlier, I got busier than I thought. I did hear you got acquainted with several of my friends, so that's nice. Speaking of acquaintances... — Giorno pointed with his hand to the man beside him. — This is Mista. He's my right-hand man, so to speak. 

— Nice to meet ya! — Mista said excitedly. He approached each brother individually, giving them a handshake. He seemed nice, Rikiel thought. 

— And this is Trish. — Giorno continued, pointing at the girl beside him. 

The girl looked up at them, nodded, and then went back to looking through her phone.

— Hey, weren't you up there earlier? — Donatello asked her.

— Yes. I'm a model. It's what I do. — She responded nonchalantly, still not looking up.

Satisfied with that answer, Donatello stops looking at her and leans back against a wall.

— Well, have you enjoyed your stay so far? — asked Giorno. 

— Hell yeah. — Said Ungalo, finally looking up. — I got to eat hella good food and to wreck shit, it was great.

Giorno quirked a brow at that. 

— Wreck shit? 

Ungalo didn't respond to that, only nodding with a satisfied smile on his face. Giorno turned to look at the other two brothers. 

— I ain't snitching. — Was all Donatello said, while Rikiel shrugged.

— I'll... I'll look into it later. — Said Giorno, pinching the bridge of his nose. However, he quickly cheered up. — Besides that... are you enjoying the event?

— It was fine, I guess. — Said Donatello, leaning further against the wall. He was looking away from Giorno. — The clothes weren't too bad, I guess.

Rikiel couldn't help but smirk at that. He really would rather die than compliment someone in earnest, huh?

— What are you laughing at? — Donatello asked, his gaze fixated on him. 

— Absolutely nothing. — Answered Rikiel, a chuckle escaping his lips.

A waiter passed near them, holding a tray filled with cups of champagne. Giorno grabbed one and turned to look at them again. 

— Would you care to join me for a drink? — He asked, a small playful smile hanging from his lips.

— You don't have to ask me twice. — Said Ungalo, practically gulping the liquid in one go.

—

And drink they did. They spent the rest of the night drinking and talking about nothing at all. Surprisingly, no one got hurt or tried to burn anything this time around. The night turned into day, and the boys finally returned to Giorno’s house. Ungalo had been the first one to go to sleep, seemingly exhausted after the ungodly amount of things he had consumed that day. Rikiel went next, waving at Giorno and Donatello as he entered the guest room. 

The two blonds were standing in front of the door, one right in front of the other. Donatello was, as usual, leaning against a wall, while Giorno stood up straight. 

Donatello opened and closed his mouth, eyes looking towards and then away from his brother. He seemed to be wrestling with something inside his mind.

— Do you say something? — Asked Giorno, quirking a brow.

Donatello was caught off guard by that, the floor suddenly appearing much more interesting.

— Nah, it’s nothing. — He started, but then hesitated. — It’s just, uh…

He bit his lip, uncharacteristically anxious.

— Yes? — Prodded Giorno, trying to get him to spit out whatever it was he was holding back.

— I liked them. The things you designed, I mean. I thought they were fine. — The words came out of his words before he could really try and stop him. Realizing that he actually said something nice about someone else for once, he quickly began to backtrack. — I-I mean, it’s not like they’re the best thing ever, I’ve seen other stuff that's waaaay better, but, you know… It's not that bad. It’s-

— Thanks. — Said Giorno, interrupting him.

Donatello looked at him for a second, face flustered. He nodded once.

—Yeah. — Then, he turned around, his back facing Giorno’s. — Well, anyway. I gotta go to sleep. 

Without any other words, he rushed to the guest room, shutting the door behind him.

Giorno stood where he was for a second, smiling. He couldn’t help but wonder what their life would have been like had they met each other earlier, had they actually grown up together as they should have. It made him even angrier at their father, but there was no time for that now.

Really, he was glad that they were finally all together at last. And he kept that thought in his head as he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

didneyworl: hey yal

didneyworl: im quiting my job

donatello: who the fuck just starts a conversation like that

AT2018cow: Wait what

AT2018cow: Are you sure???

didneyworl: ye

Gold Experience: Are you sober right now?

didneyworl: yeah

didneyworl: mostly 

Gold Experience: "Mostly"?

didneyworl: i had some stuff but that was like an hour ago so im fine now

Gold Experience: Ungalo...

AT2018cow: I dont think that counts :/

AT2018cow: And I also don't think you should quit your job... 

didneyworl: y not

AT2018cow: Well think about your economic stability! 

AT2018cow: Do you have any savings you can rely on until you can get a new job?

didneyworl: i need savins?

AT2018cow: D:

didneyworl: cant yall help me on  the meantime?

didneyworl:: sinc im ur brother ande all

donatello: hahaha are you really trying to extort us???

didneyworl: noo

Gold Experience: Why do you want to quit, if you don't mind me asking?

didneyworl: bcuz it sucks

didneyworl: and i deserecve somthn better

didneyworl: io dont wanna waste my life working at smewhere shitty like that

didneyworl: it s fucking beneath me

donatello: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Gold Experience: I really don't think you're sober

didneyworl: im  as sober as i n eed to be

AT2018cow: Hold on, where are you right now?

didneyworl: at my job

didneyworl: (soon to not be that anymomer)

AT2018cow: Are

AT2018cow: Are you gonna quit right now???

didneyworl: yeas

didneyworl: im in the kitchen rn 

didneyworl: im gonna piss opn the fries hten quit

Gold Experience: Oh my God, don't do that. 

AT2018cow: Yeah no don't 

AT2018cow: Youre gonna get in trouble!!

didneyworl: idc they desrve it

donatello: fucking do it

donatello: it'll be hilarious

didneyworl: see he gets me!

AT2018cow: I dont think Donatello "getting you" is a good thing...

donatello: just make sure you record it 

donatello: and send it here later

didneyworl: hell yegh

didneyworl: brb

Gold Experience: Ungalo do not do it, I am not kidding

[didneyworl is now offline]

Gold Experience: I will not help you if you do

AT2018cow: Hes gone :/

Gold Experience: He is.

Gold Experience: Donatello, why would you encourage him?

donatello: cause it would be hilarious, fuck you mean

Gold Experience: Aren't you worried in the slightest about what's going to happen to him after this?

donatello: nah, he's gonna be fine

Gold Experience: How can you be so sure of that?

donatello: he's survived this long living like that, hasn't he?

donatello: maybe he knows something we don't

[didneyworl is now online]

AT2018cow: Ungalo don't do it!!!!

didneyworl: dw i wont

AT2018cow: Oh thank goodness

didneyworl: pissing in the friews is not enough

didneyworl: i need to get revenge for all the pain teh y caused me

Gold Experience: I don't like the sound of this.

donatello: I love the sound of this

donatello: so what are you gonna do now?

donatello: are you gonna let them spit in your mouth and fuck you in the ass without doing anything

didneyworl: no!!

donatello: yeah!

donatello: what are you gonna do now, huh?

didneyworl: im gonna ppunch the manager

AT2018cow: Oh my god D:

donatello: and you think that's enough?

didneyworl: i thouhgt it was

Gold Experience: Donatello.

donatello: you really think that is enough? 

donatello: years/months/weeks of torment and a single punch is enough?

Gold Experience:: Donatello.

donatello: you gotta go higher

donatello: you gotta burn that shit to the ground. 

[donatello has been temporarily muted]

Gold Experience: Ungalo, listen to me.

[didneyworl is now offline]

Gold Experience: Do NOT do it. 

Gold Experience: ...

AT2018cow: Oh my god i cannot take this

AT2018cow: I dont wanna know whats gonna happen now

AT2018cow: Ill find out later

[AT2018cow is now offline]

Gold Experience: ... 

Gold Experience: I am not mad. 

Gold Experience: But I am very disappointed. 

[Several minutes later]

[didneyworl is now online]

Gold Experience: Ungalo!

Gold Experience: Are you alright?

didneyworl: yea im in me house

Gold Experience: What happened? 

didneyworl: i burnt down the kichen

didneyworl: i dind teven get to quit

didneyworl: bioss camr out and fired mnme

didneyworl: jokes on him 

didneyworl: i still pised on the oil (⌐■_■)

donatello: did you record it? 

didneyworl: yea

[didneyworl sent a video]

donatello: you absolute moron 

donatello: your finger was covering the lens

donatello: how are you so awful at everything??

didneyworl: (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Chapter Text

Giorno Giovanna created a chatroom: [Intervention]

Giorno Giovanna added Donatello Versus and Rikiel

Giorno Giovanna: Hello

Donatello Versus: ?

Donatello Versus: what's this?

Rikiel: Donatello we need to talk

Donatello Versus: about what?

Donatello Versus: and why did you make a new chatroom?

Donatello Versus: where's ungalo?

Giorno Giovanna: Ungalo is what we need to discuss

Donatello Versus: oh fuck, are we gonna talk shit about him?

Donatello Versus: finally, I have so many things I've wanted to say but decided not to

Rikiel: Wait there are things you decided not to say???

Rikiel: Uhh nevermind

Rikiel: Back to the topic!

Rikiel: We need to talk about what you did yesterday :/

Rikiel: It wasn't very nice

Giorno Giovanna: And that's an understatement, I would say

Donatello Versus: what did I do, again?

Giorno Giovanna: You encouraged Ungalo to quit his job

Donatello Versus: yeah, cause he asked

Donatello Versus: how am I in the wrong for that??

Giorno Giovanna: You know he's not, well...

Giorno Giovanna: Stable, exactly

Giorno Giovanna: And losing his job may remove what little stability he has left

Rikiel: Yeah! And also!

Rikiel: You told him to burn down the Burger King he works at, thats not something he asked for

Rikiel: Thats the main reason why were upset

Donatello Versus: oh, so you've been talking about this

Giorno Giovanna: We have, and we decided to confront you about the matter directly after we came to an agreement

Donatello Versus: okay, cool, however

Donatello Versus: what do you want me to do?

Donatello Versus: like, let's pretend I agree that I did something wrong

Donatello Versus: what exactly am I meant to do now?

Giorno Giovanna: Apologize, for one

Rikiel: Though that isnt worth anything if you dont really mean it...

Donatello Versus: "if I don't really mean it?"

Donatello Versus: what, are we in kindergarten again?

Donatello Versus: fuck this

[Donatello Versus left the chatroom]

[Giorno Giovanna added Donatello Versus]

Giorno Giovanna: You're not leaving until we're done

Donatello Versus: uuuuuugh

Donatello Versus: fine

Donatello Versus: why else do you think what I did was wrong

Giorno Giovanna: You encouraged Ungalo to burn down his workplace, something which can get him in trouble with the law

Donatello Versus: fuck off, you of all people are gonna talk about getting in trouble with the law??

Giorno Giovanna: I know how this sounds, but it's still true

Giorno Giovanna: He's not as prepared as I am to deal with that kind of pressure

Giorno Giovanna: And he's already not in a good position, so this may only make things worse

Giorno Giovanna: That's what I meant by "stability"

Donatello Versus: he said he already wanted to quit

Rikiel: We already said, its not just about him quitting!

Donatello Versus: he also already wanted to piss on the fries, I didn't even suggest that

Donatello Versus: oh, and punching his manager was all his idea

Donatello Versus: gonna find a way to blame me for that too?

Giorno Giovanna: I could have convinced him not to go through with his plan

Giorno Giovanna: He was starting to listen, at least before you started egging him on

Giorno Giovanna: And that's the main problem with all of this, you egging him on and bringing out his worst side

Giorno Giovanna: Why do you do it?

Donatello Versus: cause it's funny

Rikiel: ...thats it?

Donatello Versus: do I need another reason?

Rikiel: No but it does make you seem even shittier than you already are

Rikiel: Honestly man I dont hate you but you really do go too far sometimes

Rikiel: Like

Rikiel: Theres a difference between encouraging him to do something funny thats harmless and encouraging him to do something that can potentially ruin his life ya know

Donatello Versus: how is this gonna ruin his life??

Giorno Giovanna: He can get blacklisted from other places, making it even harder for him to find a job

Rikiel: Yeah

Rikiel: Also werent you in jail before?

Rikiel: You should really know better!

Donatello Versus: god, FINE

Donatello Versus: MAYBE I shouldn't have told him to go through with the thing he had already planned beforehand.

Donatello Versus: AND I shouldn't have told him to burn down his workplace just cause it would have been hilarious

Donatello Versus: (which it was)

Donatello Versus: I am SUCH an awful person and I'm SO SO sorry

Donatello Versus: are you happy now?

Giorno Giovanna: Hm...

Rikiel: Wait

Rikiel: I have an idea

Giorno Giovanna: Go ahead

Rikiel: So you know how Halloween is coming up in a little bit?

Rikiel: Well I know a couple of people who are throwing a party

Rikiel: And I thought "what if my brothers come too"

Rikiel: So I asked them and not only are they fine with that but they also insisted that I bring them along

Donatello Versus: hahahaha no

Rikiel: Its not a question! >:(

Rikiel: Its your punishment!

Rikiel: Come to this party and maybe Ill forgive what you did

Donatello Versus: okay, and what do you plan on doing if I don't go?

Rikiel: Giorno?

Giorno Giovanna: I like that plan

Giorno Giovanna: Donatello, you have to go

Giorno Giovanna: It can be willingly, or unwillingly. Up to you

Donatello Versus: Jesus okay fine I'll go

Rikiel: WITH a costume!!!

Donatello Versus: god I hate all of you