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The Very Definition of a One Sided Conversation

Summary:

Ranboo shows up unexpectedly in Snowchester late one night in his enderwalk state.

He attempts to explain his past to Tubbo, unfortunately Tubbo cannot understand a thing he is told because Ranboo is not speaking English.

Notes:

Hi!!!
This fic was inspired by a tumblr post of @metfell’s that talked abt how funny it would be if EW!Ranboo explained a bunch of shit to Tubbo abt his past but Tubbo couldn’t understand him so has no idea wtf he’s on abt.

And here’s the disclaimer to say that these are not my characters, I’m borrowing them from the streamers that created them and hoping I do them justice :)

Chapter 1

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It was late evening when Tubbo heard the door downstairs open. He had been slowly moving various clothes and items into the growing piles of packed boxes stacked all around the small house. 

They had been preparing to move into the new mansion for weeks now, it turns out packing for such a move took longer than you'd expect. Especially when you were simultaneously caring for a toddler and attempting to locate a missing nuclear weapon. It was fair to say Tubbo had a lot on his plate at the moment and Ranboo, while as accommodating as ever, hadn’t been much help with the packing either. He was still very much committed to his day long mining trips and sometimes week long trips to woodland mansions to add to their growing collection of totems. Not that Tubbo wasn’t thankful for his husband, he just wished he’d be around more for Michael and he wanted to be done moving already. He shuddered to think that these boxes would all have to be unpacked again. 

The door from downstairs startled him a little. Ranboo had left hours ago to his other house, near where Philza and Techno lived, to do his usual weekly check on Enderchest and Enderpearl. Tubbo didn’t expect him back till morning. 

Why anyone else would be at his door this late he didn’t know. There weren’t many people who would just walk in either. Even Tommy tended to knock, mostly. He briefly considered that it might indeed be Tommy, the other teenager had visited their newly built mansion a couple days ago. He almost hoped it was Tommy, yeah it’d be awkward as hell but Tubbo missed his best friend. He knew he’d been . . . distant, with Tommy since he was revived.

He’d mourned for his best friend too many times now, it was hard to not become numb to it all. Tubbo knew he should have been overjoyed when he heard Tommy was back, but all he had been able to feel was a strange sense of dread. 

Nevertheless, if it was Tommy at the door he would welcome him with open arms. Strange for him to be here this late and to not have immediately announced himself. Well, revival would change a person like that Tubbo supposed. Spurred by the idea of seeing his best friend he gladly abandoned packing the boxes of haphazardly folded clothes and hurried downstairs.

The door was wide open when he arrived in the living room and Tommy was nowhere in sight. Instead, Ranboo stood, back turned to him, staring at a family photograph of them all on the wall.

“Ranboo? What are you doing back?” Tubbo asked. He really hadn’t expected it to be his husband, he tended to stick to plans. Ranboo was a very predictable person, it was one of Tubbo’s favourite things about him.

Ranboo slowly turned to face him. His eyes were a vibrant purple instead of their usual hetero-chromatic red and green. Upon seeing Tubbo he grinned affectionately and rushed forward to envelope him in his arms. Tubbo huffed a laugh from where he was pressed against the ender hybid’s chest.

“Miss me that much?”

“⍜⎎ ☊⍜⎍⍀⌇⟒ ⏃⌰⍙⏃⊬⌇” (Of course. Always,)  Ranboo replied in the warbling language of the End.

Tubbo wiggled out of the ender hybrid’s embrace and smirked at him.

“It’s only been a couple hours, you're so clingy you know, worse than Tommy," he chuckled.

Ranboo evidently did not deem that worth responding to and Tubbo knew, instinctively, that if it were not for the blank purple of his husbands eyes he would have rolled them at him. Instead, Ranboo seemed to notice for the first time that the front door was open and immediately moved to close it. After the door had been gently pushed shut and the lock slid into place Ranboo turned back to him.

"☊⍜⌰⎅ ⍜⎍⏁⌇⟟⎅⟒" (Cold outside,) he explained.

“Dunno why you didn’t just close it when you came in,” Tubbo responded and plonked himself down on the nearby couch, “You let all the cold air in, the fire’s gone out.”

Ranboo looked at the smouldering fireplace in distress and hurried to pile extra logs on it from a stack of neatly chopped firewood. He then began frantically looking for a flint and steel. First around the fireplace, then the window sill and then all of the kitchen cupboards and drawers.

Tubbo watched him fondly but winced when he began to slam the drawers and cupboards closed as soon as he discovered they did not hold what he was searching for. 

“Stop that, you’ll wake Michael,” he complained.

At the mention of Michael Ranboo immediately froze where he was about to slam another cupboard closed and proceeded to very gently, very slowly push the door closed. It made an almost imperceptibly soft thud as it shut and Ranboo winced and glanced fearfully at Tubbo.

Tubbo almost laughed outright at him.

“It’s okay Boo, that’s not going to wake him up, just quit slamming things around.” 

Ranboo sighed in relief and continued carefully opening and closing cupboards. 

“Hang on a second boss man,” Tubbo suddenly announced, “I think I’ve actually got one in one of these pockets.” He patted down the multiple pockets in the jacket he wore, “Aha!” -he pulled out a flint and steel- “here we go.” He waved the item at his husband.

Ranboo immediately strode over and snatched the tool from his hand before leaning over to light the fireplace. Tubbo almost giggled at how silly his husband looked crouching down like that, his long lanky limbs really were not built to bend in the way they were bending. It reminded Tubbo a little bit of those twisted spring bits of paper he and Tommy used to fold together when they were bored as kids, he almost expected Ranboo to spring back up like one of them. 

The fire roared to life after a couple strikes of the flint and steel and Ranboo hummed in approval then sat down on the couch next to Tubbo. His legs stretched almost all the way to the fireplace, Tubbo made note to move the couch in their mansion further away from the fireplace. There wasn’t really enough room to move the couch further back in this house and consequently his husband would either lightly burn the soles of his feet or have to curl his legs up on the couch. Ranboo smiled at the flames then turned to smile at Tubbo too.

“⍙⏃⍀⋔ ⋏⍜⍙ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⏃⎎⟒” (Warm now. You are safe,) he said and put his arm around Tubbo to pull him to his side. “⌇⏃⎎⟒” (Safe,) he repeated.

Tubbo yawned and rested his head against his husband’s shoulder. “You’re very talkative tonight,” he acknowledged, “Normally when you’re like this you just stare at me and force me to go to sleep.”

Ranboo huffed, “⊬⍜⎍ ⎅⍜ ⋏⍜⏁ ⌇⌰⟒⟒⌿ ⟒⋏⍜⎍☌⊑ ⟟⎅⟟⍜⏁ ⏁⍜⎅⏃⊬ ⏚⟒⟟⋏☌ ⍙⏃⍀⋔ ⟟⌇ ⋔⍜⍀⟒ ⟟⋔⌿⍜⍀⏁⏃⋏⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⊑⟟⎐⟒⍀⟟⋏☌” (You do not sleep enough. Idiot. Today being warm is more important. You are shivering.)

Tubbo pulled away from his husband’s shoulder and gaped at him, “Holy shit, you never say that much at once, what’s the occasion?”

Ranboo hummed for a moment, considering, “⋔⟟⌇⌇ ⌇⌿⟒⏃☍⟟⋏☌ ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀ ⋔⟟⌇⌇ ⊑⍜⋔⟒” (Miss speaking Ender. Miss home,) he warbled in response.

“Sometimes I wish I knew what you were saying when you’re like this, it doesn’t seem fair that you can understand me but I can’t understand you,” Tubbo complained.

“⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⏃ ⏚⟟⏁ ⎎⎍⋏⋏⊬” (It is a bit funny,) Ranboo replied, then paused for a second, “⎎⎍☊☍” (Fuck!) he exclaimed, then grinned, “⍀⏃⋏⏚⍜⍜ ⍙⟟⏁⊑ ⋏⍜ ⋔⟒⋔⍜⍀⊬ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⋏⟒⎐⟒⍀ ⌇⏃⊬ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⊑⟒ ⟟⌇ ⏃ ⌿⎍⌇⌇⊬” (Ranboo with no memory would never say that. He is a pussy.)

Tubbo sighed, “Yeah, I’ve no clue what you’re on about.” 

Ranboo waved his hand at him. “⎅⍜⟒⌇ ⋏⍜⏁ ⋔⏃⏁⏁⟒⍀” (Does not matter,) he dismissed.

“I don’t get it though, if you can understand English why can’t you speak it?” 

Ranboo frowned, “⎅⟟⎎⎎⟟☊⎍⌰⏁ ⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⍜⎍⏁⊑ ⎅⍜⟒⌇ ⋏⍜⏁ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⍜⍀⎅⌇” (Difficult. Our mouth does not like the words.)

Tubbo sighed, realising there really wasn’t much point asking questions when he couldn’t understand the answers. Ranboo was always so different like this. But also overwhelmingly the same. Tubbo really didn’t know what to think of it. When he asked Ranboo about it he had stuttered nervously, something about sleep walking, an Ender state? Whatever the hell that meant. Tubbo didn’t really get it, he suspected Ranboo didn’t entirely get it either. 

It wasn’t something they talked about much. Ranboo never remembered the Ender state when he was out of it and never seemed to want to discuss it either. He seemed afraid of it. Tubbo didn’t blame him for that, he supposed that if every other day someone possessed him and walked around doing stuff in his body that he never remembered he’d be pretty freaked out too. 

The first time Tubbo had found him in the Ender state had been back in L’manberg. He’d seen his minute man wandering down the prime path one night and attempted to stop him to wish him good night. He hadn’t expected cold purple eyes to turn to him and for an otherworldly warble to leave Ranboo’s mouth. He had been terrified that first time. He had run.

He had avoided Ranboo for days after that, probably confusing the hell out of him, until it happened again. This time, Tubbo had been in the midst of a battle with a zombie. Caught out on his way home in the dark from an important meeting that ran late. He had been tired and off guard and the mob had taken him by surprise. He’d been seconds away from killing the zombie when a burst of purple particles summoned Ranboo to his side, who proceeded to stab the zombie through the chest, dealing the final blow. Tubbo had shrieked and turned his sword on him, not attacking, but in a frightened, defensive stance, ready to strike at any moment. 

Ranboo had laughed at him. It was still in that unsettling warble, but it was distinctly laugh like. Recognisable despite the language barrier. Tubbo had hesitantly lowered his weapon. Ranboo had then reached towards him. Tubbo flinched but stayed still. He had gently patted Tubbo on the head and smiled at him before disappearing in a cloud of purple.

After that Tubbo saw Ranboo in his Ender state far more often. Almost as though he was being seeked out on purpose. Often he would be tiredly preparing himself a meagre dinner when the door would burst open and Ranboo would invite himself in. Normally scaring the shit out of Tubbo in the process. He would then proceed to make approving or disapproving noises over Tubbo’s shoulder as he cooked dinner and sometimes would even grab items from his hands or seek out ingredients to add as he saw fit. Tubbo called it backseat cooking and was always incredibly irritated by it, especially when his meal turned out better than usual. Ranboo would watch as he ate his meal and protest if he didn’t eat enough, then as soon he was finished he would pick him up and carry him upstairs before tossing him in bed, making insistent and angry warbles if he attempted to leave his bed and would not leave the room until Tubbo had either fallen asleep or pretended to fall asleep.

“⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⍜⎍⍀ ⊑⍜⋔⟒ ⋏⍜⍙” (You are our home now,) Ranboo suddenly proclaimed, jolting Tubbo from his thoughts.

“Huh? Oh that’s nice.” Tubbo nodded at him, uncomprehending.

Ranboo huffed, frustrated. “⊬⍜⎍” (You.) he pressed a fingertip to Tubbo’s forehead, “⊑⍜⋔⟒” (home,) he flung his arms out, gesturing to the house around them. “⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⌇⏁⏃⋏⎅” (Understand?) 

“I’m? Here?” Tubbo questioned.

Ranboo waved a hand at him dismissively, “☊⌰⍜⌇⟒ ⟒⋏⍜⎍☌⊑” (Close enough.)

Tubbo hummed in agreement.

“⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⌰⟟☍⟒⎅ ⊬⍜⎍ ⍜⎍⍀ ⎎⏃⋔⟟⌰⊬” (They would have liked you, our family,) Ranboo warbled thoughtfully.

“Uh huh,” Tubbo replied 

“⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⏃⍀⟒ ☌⍜⋏⟒ ⋏⍜⍙ ⏁⊑⟒ ☌⍀⟒⟒⋏ ☌⍜⎅ ☍⟟⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⏃⌰⌰” (They are gone now. The green god killed them all.)

Tubbo nodded at him, eyes vacant, not really listening to the incomprehensible sounds Ranboo was making.

“⌇⊑⟒ ⏁⍀⟟⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⌇⏃⎐⟒ ⎍⌇ ⏚⎍⏁ ⊑⟒ ⎅⟒⌇⏁⍀⍜⊬⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ☊⍀⊬⌇⏁⏃⌰⌇ ⌇⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⌇ ⏁⍜⍜ ⍙⟒⏃☍” (She tried to save us, but he destroyed the crystals. She was too weak,) Ranboo added, mournfully. 

Tubbo looked up at him in confusion, “What’s wrong? You sound all sad.”

Ranboo nodded, “⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⍜⎍⍀⋏⟟⋏☌ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⋏⟒⎐⟒⍀ ☊⟒⏃⌇⟒ ⏁⊑⟒ ☌⍀⟒⟒⋏ ☌⍜⎅ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⌿⏃⊬ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⏃☍⟟⋏☌ ⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⟒⋔⍜⍀⊬ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ☍⟟⌰⌰ ⊑⟟⋔ ⏃⌇ ⊑⟒ ⎅⟟⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⊑⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⌇⎍⎎⎎⟒⍀” (Our mourning for them will never cease. The green god will pay for taking our memory of them. We will kill him as he did them. He will suffer,) Ranboo said with a steadfast determination and a bitter hatred in his voice. 

Tubbo looked at him in concern, “Well whatever it is, I hope it works out.”

Ranboo smiled grimly, “⟟⏁ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⊑⟒ ⊑⏃⌇ ⋏⍜ ⊑⍜⌰⎅ ⍜⎐⟒⍀ ⎍⌇ ⋏⍜⍙ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⋏⍜⏁ ⏃⌰⌰⍜⍙ ⊑⟟⋔ ⏁⊑⟒ ☊⊑⏃⋏☊⟒ ⏁⍜ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⊬⍜⎍” (It will. He has no hold over us now. We will not allow him the chance to hurt you,) Ranboo consoled Tubbo, who only looked at him in confusion.

“Uh, alright bossman.”

“⌇⍜⍜⋏ ⊑⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⏚⟒ ⎅⟒⏃⎅ ⍜⎍⍀ ⋔⟒⋔⍜⍀⊬ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⍀⟒⏁⎍⍀⋏ ⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⏚⟒ ⍜⋏⟒” (Soon he will be dead, our memory will return and we will be one,) Ranboo proclaimed then patted Tubbo’s head gently. “⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⎍⌇ ⟟⋏ ⍜⎍⍀ ⟒⋏⏁⟟⍀⟒⏁⊬ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⋏⍜ ⌰⍜⋏☌⟒⍀ ⏚⟒ ⎅⟟⎐⟟⎅⟒⎅” (You will know us in our entirety. We will no longer be divided.)

“I really wish I knew what you were saying, it sounds like important and shit,” Tubbo mused.

“⌇⍜⍜⋏ ⍜⎍⍀ ⏚⟒⌰⍜⎐⟒⎅ ⌇⍜⍜⋏ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⏁⟒⌰⌰ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⋏⎅ ⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⌇⏁⏃⋏⎅” (Soon our beloved. Soon we will tell you and you will understand.)

Tubbo nodded, “Ok.”

Ranboo sighed again, “⍙⟒ ⋔⟟⌇⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⏚⎍⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⋏⎅ ⋔⟟☊⊑⏃⟒⌰ ⏃⍀⟒ ⍜⎍⍀ ⎎⏃⋔⟟⌰⊬ ⋏⍜⍙ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⌿⍀⍜⏁⟒☊⏁ ⊬⍜⎍” (We miss them. But you and Michael are our family now. We will protect you.) 

Tubbo could only nod at his husband again. Truly at a loss on how to respond. He’d never heard Ranboo talk in Ender for so long and with such intensity. Normally he just seemed to be insulting him or being overly worried for him. This was strange, he wondered if perhaps this meant something was going to happen. He hoped it wasn’t anything bad. He was tired of conflict and fighting.

“Whatever happens Boo, promise me you’ll be safe. Promise me,” Tubbo begged suddenly. It had occurred to him that in this state his husband seemed to have a lot less fear. Ironically, that scared him.

“⍙⟒ ☊⏃⋏⋏⍜⏁ ⌿⍀⍜⋔⟟⌇⟒ ⏁⊑⏃⏁“(We cannot promise that,) Ranboo answered solemnly with a slight shake of his head.

A shocked look appeared in Tubbo’s eyes and he reached over and frantically shook his husband’s shoulders, “What did you say? Why did you shake your head? Ranboo?” he said desperately, “What do you mean? You have to promise me,” -his eyes began to water, holding back tears- “you have to.”

Ranboo shook his head again, smiling sadly, “⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⋔⍜⌇⏁ ⟟⋔⌿⍜⍀⏁⏃⋏⏁ ⏁⎍⏚⏚⍜ ⍙⟒ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⎅⟟⟒ ⏃ ⋔⟟⌰⌰⟟⍜⋏ ⎅⟒⏃⏁⊑⌇ ⎎⍜⍀ ⊬⍜⎍” (You are most important Tubbo. We would die a million deaths for you,) he replied earnestly. He rested his hands over his husbands and squeezed them. 

Tears began to roll down Tubbo’s cheeks as he clutched tightly at Ranboo’s shoulders. “You’re being all self sacrificing and shit aren’t you you idiot,” he cried.

“⎅⍜ ⋏⍜⏁ ☊⍀⊬”(Do not cry,) Ranboo said softly. He brought a hand away from Tubbo’s to wipe the tears from his husband’s face. “⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⏚⟒ ⍜☍⏃⊬” (We will be okay.)

Tubbo batted his hand away, “Stop it, you’ll burn your hand dumbass,” he mumbled before bringing his hands back from Ranboo’s shoulders and wiping his face with the sleeves of his shirt.

Ranboo sighed and curled his legs up onto the couch. Evidently the fire had gotten too uncomfortable on the soles of his feet again. Tubbo jolted as Ranboo’s knee collided with his stomach.

“Oi! Watch it!” he yelped, effectively jolted out of his tears.

Ranboo’s eyes widened, “⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬” (Sorry!) he exclaimed and moved his leg away immediately, replacing it with a gentle hand, “⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⊑⎍⍀⏁” (You are hurt?)

Tubbo smiled fondly at him, a bit amused at how worried his husband was over something so small. “It’s fine Boo, it didn’t even hurt, it just surprised me.”

Ranboo sat back, placated. He seemed to think for a moment then reached over and pulled Tubbo into his arms, wrapping himself protectively around his husband. 

“⋏⍜⏁⊑⟟⋏☌ ☊⏃⋏ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⋏⍜⍙“ (Nothing can hurt you now.)

Tubbo yawned and nudged his face closer to his husband’s chest. “Yeah, I’m safe, you’ve got me buddy.”

Ranboo warbled happily, “⌇⏃⎎⟒” (Safe,) he agreed and tightened his arms around his husband.

They fell asleep like that. Curled together on the too small couch. Tubbo drifted off in minutes. Ranboo stayed awake a bit longer, content to watch his husband sleep for awhile, safe in his arms. As the minutes passed his eyes slowly faded back to red and green. 

The smile did not leave his face as the purple left his eyes. His arms did not loosen where they held Tubbo close. He only sighed contentedly and whispered into his husband’s hair.

“Safe.” 

Notes:

Why did I make EW!Ranboo talk like a knock off Venom with all the we’s and our’s? At first it was just bc I liked how it sounded but it actually makes sense bc he is talking on behalf of himself and Ranboo when he is not in Enderwalk. Like they are two seperate entities atm.

In this fic EW!Ranboo has all his memories from before Dream XD took them and only brief glimpses of what Ranboo without memories has experienced since, it’s why he knew Tubbo was important when he first met him in enderwalk. And Ranboo without memories is even more lost, he just sort of vaguely has feelings abt his past that he doesn’t understand.

Yes this is the second fic I’ve written abt Enderwalk Ranboo, yes he is characterised entirely differently in both. I cannot decide on how to write him.

Anyway, this was fun to write! I hope you enjoyed it! If you did I would love you to the ends of the earth and back if you left me a comment telling me what you thought of it :D

Chapter 2

Summary:

Tubbo and Ranboo actually sit down and communicate.

Notes:

Hi again lol, yes it's been 2 months and I'm just now adding another chapter to this.
I intended to have Ranboo confront Dream XD in this but instead accidently wrote over 3000 words of domestic beeduo.

I'm now in the process of writing a third and final chapter where Ranboo gets his revenge >:)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Tubbo awoke slowly. He was warm and there was a weight over him that felt not unlike the weighted blanket he used to have before he had given it to Michael.

(The zombie piglin struggled with the cold, having grown up in the relentless heat of the nether and Tubbo was more than happy to relinquish a blanket if it helped the piglin sleep more comfortably at night.)

But this was not his weighted blanket. As he yawned and blinked his eyes open he quickly realised that it was just Ranboo. Still curled around him protectively.

Tubbo almost giggled at his husband’s wide open eyes, the lack of eyelids had frightened him the first time he saw Ranboo sleeping but now he just found it vaguely amusing. Ranboo’s red and green eyes tended to roll to opposite sides when he slept as they unfocused, it made him look a bit goofy.

Ranboo’s arms unconsciously tightened when Tubbo began trying to wiggle his way out of his husband’s hold.

Tubbo huffed and spoke to him gently, “Ranboo, buddy, wake up,” he prompted and shook Ranboo’s shoulder.

Ranboo’s eyes slowly focused and he began to move away from Tubbo slightly.

“Oh, good morning,” Ranboo greeted tentatively, he seemed slightly confused.

Tubbo patted the ender hybrid’s head, “You were enderwalking last night bossman, wouldn’t let me leave the couch.”

“Oh- I um- sorry about, uh, that,” Ranboo said apologetically. He froze in panic, “I didn’t- Tubbo- I didn’t hurt you did I?” he asked, eyes immediately scanning for any obvious injuries.

“No! Of course not!” Tubbo exclaimed, a bit exasperated, “You never have and I seriously doubt you ever will,” he smiled slightly, “It’s the opposite really, you’re incredibly overprotective you know? I was telling you last night that you’re even more clingy than Tommy.” He chuckled.

Ranboo frowned, “Ok, well as long as I didn’t hurt you or Michael.”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “How many times am I going to have to tell you before you believe me?”

Ranboo didn't answer but unwrapped his limbs from around Tubbo. He got to his feet and stretched his arms, yawning, his back made a series of concerning cracks that Tubbo cringed at. It would appear that sleeping in such a curled up position was not good for the joints.

“Well, I’m off then,” Ranboo announced.

“What? At least hang around for breakfast with Michael,” Tubbo whined, “What’s so important you can’t wait another half hour?”

“I’m worried I might have left the door open at my house,” Ranboo explained, “You know I tend to forget things like that when I’m all, uh,” he gestured to his eyes in an attempt to explain.

“You can just say enderwalk man,” Tubbo said and Ranboo flinched at the word.

“I don’t- I don’t like- I’d rather not talk about it,” Ranboo replied, “It- it’s- whoever I am, when I’m like that, it’s not- it isn’t me,” he continued, looking down at his feet now, pointedly not making eye contact.

“That’s not true!” Tubbo exclaimed, frustrated now, he sat up straighter on the couch and set his feet down heavily on the floor. “You’re just as much you when you have purple eyes as you are you right now! And I’ll have you know I basically had a whole conversation with you last night, I didn’t understand a word you said but we were definitely communicating.”

Ranboo looked up at that, “I spoke to you?” he asked, slightly taken aback.

“Well, yeah, I mean, it wasn’t English, but it was more than you’d even spoken to me before.” Tubbo replied.

“What- what do you mean it wasn’t English?” Ranboo asked, fear evident in his voice.

“I dunno it’s like” -Tubbo made an incomprehensible warbling noise in the back of his throat- “except I know when you say it, it actually means something.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened at the weird sound Tubbo made.

“Did you seriously not know you spoke another language when you enderwalk?” Tubbo asked incredulously.

Ranboo shook his head, shocked. “I’m bilingual!? What on earth- this is- I know a whole different language?”

“You really should have let me tell you about your Ender bullshit ages ago dude, I get you’re scared of it but it seems, like, kinda important.”

Ranboo began frantically pacing the floor where he stood in front of the burnt out fireplace. “And I almost understood that noise you made as well! It sounded, uhm, familiar. Weird, this is- I need to write this down in my memory book. This is- this is crazy, you’re right, I should have- have asked sooner- why have I never investigated into-“

Tubbo watched tiredly as his husband paced in front of him, arms gesturing wildly as he spoke. He stretched his arms above him and yawned loudly then reached out a hand to grab Ranboo’s sleeve. Ranboo halted his frantic steps and incessant monologuing and looked down.

“C’mon, quit that, you’ll just stress yourself out. Let’s go have breakfast,” Tubbo said placatingly and let go of Ranboo to get to his feet.

Ranboo nodded reluctantly, “Alright, I’ll go wake Michael then, but you’re right, you should tell me more about my, uh, enderwalk, I should know about it.”

Tubbo smiled, “I’m glad we agree bossman, now go.” He waved to the stairs and Ranboo nodded and ambled over before climbing the staircase, effortlessly taking them two at a time because of his stupidly long legs.

Tubbo yawned again and meandered over to the kitchen, absentmindedly beginning to clear up dishes from the previous evening and throw some toast in the toaster. He tiredly closed some drawers Ranboo had neglected to shut in his frantic search for a flint and steel the night before and set the pot to boil. Hopefully a nice cup of tea would make the approaching conversation slightly easier for them both.

The staircase creaked as Ranboo came back down it. He was holding Michael so his head rested on his shoulder, little arms slung loosely around his neck. The zombie Piglin appeared to still be half asleep, he slowly raised and twisted his head around to look at Tubbo as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Good morning Michael,” Tubbo said with a smile, “Bit sleepy still are you?”

Michael nodded and yawned then wiggled about a bit in Ranboo’s hold.

“You want to get down?” Ranboo asked, allowing the toddler to gently slide the very long way down to the floor when he nodded. He made sure to keep a firm grip on the zombie piglin until he was steadily on the ground, “There you go.”

“Want some breakfast Micheal?” Tubbo asked and smiled when the toddler grunted excitedly and nodded.

Michael clambered up onto his chair at their small dining table. The chairs had all been a bit too high for him to get into when he had first arrived at Snowchester so Tubbo had nailed some little wooden slats on one side of it, creating what was essentially a small ladder so now Michael could climb up and down with relative ease. The table was still a little tall, so his chair had a thick cushion on it so he could sit up high enough over the table to eat comfortably.

“Alright, what do you want on your toast little man, we thinking jam or honey this morning?” Tubbo asked as he retrieved two jars from a cupboard. He placed the jars down on the table in front of Michael and asked again, “Jam or honey?”

Michael considered the jars with a slight frown on his face. He appeared to be deep in thought. After a few seconds of contemplation he pointed a confident finger at the honey. Michael took breakfast very seriously, choosing the correct toast topping was a decision he did not take lightly.

Tubbo smiled fondly at him, “Okay! Honey it is. Wonderful choice as always this morning.”

Tubbo began drizzling honey on the two pieces of toast as Ranboo popped another two slices of bread in the toaster. The pot began to whistle as the water came to a boil and Ranboo wandered over to take it off the stove.

“Hey! No! Get away from the water idiot, it’ll burn you!” Tubbo chastised as he walked back from where he had just handed Michael his toast.

“It’s literally boiling. It’d burn you too.” Ranboo answered, deadpan.

“Yeah but like, you’d get double burnt.”

“That doesn’t even- I don’t think that’s a thing that can happen.”

“Sure it is! How would you know, have you ever been double burnt?”

“Well, no, but I don't think-“

“Nope!” Tubbo cut him off, “I win this argument! Now move,” he gently shoved Ranboo out of the way, “I’m going to make some tea.”

Tubbo extinguished the stove and used a thick cloth to remove the lid of the teapot. He dumped a spoon of tea leaves into it then shut it again.

“Ok the tea is a-ok, have you got a handle on the toast?” Tubbo asked.

“Yeah,” Ranboo replied as two more pieces popped out of the toaster, “You want jam or honey this morning?”

“Honey for me thanks, I think I’ll follow Michael’s brilliant example.”

Ranboo hummed in agreement and popped another two pieces of toast down before pouring honey onto Tubbo’s toast.

Tubbo pulled himself up onto the kitchen bench, beside where Ranboo was patiently waiting for his toast to pop up and took a large bite of his own toast that was absolutely drowning in honey.

“You didn’t get the honey ratio right,” he exclaimed mournfully through a sticky mouthful, “You never put enough.”

Ranboo snorted, “I put plenty, you just put way too much, I’m saving you from yourself really.”

Tubbo made an outraged noise that came out muffled because of all the honey in his mouth.

Ranboo sighed, “At least it isn’t beans, nothing’s worse than beans.”

Tubbo wacked his arm and swallowed his mouthful of toast, “One day I will make you enjoy beans, it’ll be like indoctrination, bean indoctrination.”

“It really is a cult then huh? A bean cult.”

Tubbo burst out laughing, “Hear that Michael?” -The zombie piglin turned at the sound of his name- “you’re gonna be the first recruit of the bean cult!”

Ranboo gasped in mock horror, “My own son? Part of some bean cult!?” he said dramatically.

Ranboo’s toast popped up from the toaster and he began to thinly spread jam over it. Tubbo grabbed three mugs from a cupboard and poured tea into two of them. Then fetched milk to add to one of the cups and filled up a whole cup of milk for Michael.

They moved to sit with Michael, who was almost halfway through his first piece of toast, his hands and face already covered in honey.

“Alright bossman, you ready to talk now?”

Ranboo smiled slightly, “Yeah, yeah I think I am.”

There was a moment of silence broken only by Michael snorting in annoyance as honey dripped from his mouth down the collar of his shirt. He pawed at his shirt trying to wipe it away, only succeeding in smearing more honey over himself. He began noisily chewing on his toast again, evidently giving up on removing the sticky food from his skin. Ranboo tentatively cleared his throat-

“I uh- so I talked to you? When I was uh-” he cringed, "Enderwalking?" 

“Yeah, and admittedly you have before, talked to me that is, but normally you don’t say much.”

“What am I like normally?” Ranboo asked awkwardly, refusing to look up, his eyes focused firmly on his plate.

“Well, you’re really annoying-“

“Hey!” Ranboo exclaimed, interrupting, “That’s just rude.”

“No really man you are! You’re so clingy,” he teased, “You’ll turn up and force me to eat something or go to bed and then sometimes I’ll wake up and find you’ve cleaned up the house while I was sleeping.”

Ranboo nodded, “That all seems very sensible actually, I’ve always thought you should sleep more.”

“Oh for fucks sake, now I’m gonna have both of you on my back about it aren’t I? I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No no please, keep telling me the ‘annoying’ things I do that are actually just me making sure you perform self care, do I make sure you drink water too? Hydration is important,” Ranboo inquired slightly sarcastically.

“Well,” Tubbo grinned mischievously, “I’m pretty sure you swear actually.”

“No way, I’m not capable of it,” Ranboo immediately shook his head, “I would never, not even in some weird possessed state.”

Tubbo rolled his eyes, “Ok, lemme get this straight, you’ve been worried for months that you might possibly unwittingly hurt people while enderwalking but now you refuse to believe that you would ever swear?”

Ranboo nodded, refusing to back down, “Exactly.”

Tubbo threw his hands up in the air, “Fine! But just you wait till next time when I get you to teach me how to swear in Ender, then you’ll see I’m right.”

“Ok, but that won’t happen because I don’t swear.”

“Yeah yeah sure whatever, what else do you want to know?”

“Uh ok so, you said I was acting differently last night though, what did I do?”

“Well, at first you seemed pretty normal, all of that over-dramatic making sure I’m not hurt stuff, like you were very distressed the fire went out, but then you started talking, a lot, like way more than you ever have before, and it was weird because you seemed kind of serious and it seemed like what you were talking about was important. It was really frustrating actually, cause I had no clue what you were on about.”

Ranboo raised an eyebrow, “Why didn’t you just ask me to write it down then?”

Tubbo blinked, “Oh, holy shit, what the hell, why didn’t I think of that last night? Goddammit I’m so fucking stupid, well assuming you’d have been able to write in English, but I should have at least tried-”

Ranboo reached across the table and grabbed his hand, “Tubbo, Tubbo it’s okay, there’s always next time, don’t beat yourself up over this please.”

“But it was- you were so- so earnest, I was so worried, I am still worried. You made me cry actually,” Tubbo admitted quietly.

Ranboo jerked his head up in surprise, making frantic eye contact and gripping Tubbo's hand tightly, “I WHAT?! What did I do to you?! You said I didn’t- I didn’t hurt you what-“

“Nonono, not like that, like it seemed like you were saying you might get hurt or- or die,” Tubbo said, looking down at their intertwined hands.

“Oh, I- I’m sorry? I guess, I would- I would die for you and Michael,” Ranboo said carefully and looked back down at his jam covered toast, trying desperately to stop his eyes from watering.

Michael, distracted from his breakfast now, swung his head back and forth between his parents in the following silence, a slight frown on his face as he studied them. He’d never seen either of them cry before and watching water slowly well up in Ranboo's eyes confused him a bit.

Piglins, as a species, did not cry, their eyes were not capable of it. Living in the nether meant that with absolutely no access to water Piglins had evolved as a species to not need it at all. Molten rock flowed through Michael’s veins as it did in all Piglins, although his had flowed significantly slower since he became zombified.

Consequently, Overworlder’s anatomy and bodily functions were foreign to him, he was gradually learning how they functioned and found it all incredibly fascinating.

He was especially enamoured with the food that they ate in the Overworld. It was realms different to chewy warped fungi and the stringy texture of Hoglin meat. He was particularly fond of carrots, the crunch and taste were unlike anything he’d ever eaten before. He stared down at his breakfast and smiled, what a wonderful world this was, that he could eat this tasty fluffy white stuff with the sweet syrup he had seen Tubbo steal from the bees. How lovely that he could sit here between two people that cared for him and gave him food.

There was still water in Ranboo's eyes though, that wasn’t normal, Michael made an inquiring snort and reached up to touch where a single tear had made its way down Ranboo's face.

Tubbo blinked at him, “Oh! Michael,” he exclaimed and pulled his hand from Ranboos to gently wipe the tears husband's eyes, “It’s ok, we’re just a bit sad, everything’s okay, don’t worry buddy.”

Ranboo patted the small Piglins head, “We’re ok,” he said and smiled reassuringly, blinking the tears from his eyes.

Michael sat back and smiled at them in return, everything must be okay, they were smiling after all. That was another weird Overworlder quirk he had slowly gotten used to. In the Nether smiling was considered an act of intimidation and hostility, even without bearing teeth it implied the intention to maim and bite.

It had scared him considerably at first and made him a lot more reluctant to leave the Nether with these two apparently incredibly hostile Overworlders. But over time, when they continued to leave him unharmed and fed him and let him sleep in the warm comfortable thing they called a ‘bed’, he realised that the body language of Overworlders was incredibly different to what he was used to.

This liquid coming from their eyes must be another weird Overworlder thing, difficult to tell what it meant yet, it would require further observation Michael decided and with that thought he turned his attention back to his meal.

Tubbo sighed, “This probably isn’t a conversation we should have in front of Michael.”

“I- yeah, yeah you’re right, it’s a lot isn’t it?”

Tubbo ate the last bit of his toast and grabbed his plate to take to the sink. “We can talk later then, it’s okay, you probably should go check on your house, you can come back and talk after, I’ve got loads of boxes to pack anyway.”

Ranboo stood up from his seat and nodded, avoiding eye contact again, “Yeah I’ll- I’ll go now, but I’ll come back as soon as I’m sure Enderchest and Enderpearl are alright, I promise. That way I can help you pack.”

Tubbo smiled, “Sounds good bossman, be safe okay?”

“Of course, always,” Ranboo replied then strode to the door, opening it before turning back to wave at Michael, “I’ll see you two later, bye.”

The door flew shut behind him from a strong gust of wind and Ranboo briefly flinched at the bang it caused before trudging away through the snow.

———————

The familiar, well trodden journey came to an end as his clumsily built wooden house came into sight. The door was wide open and Ranboo sighed before walking over, intending to enter and close it, check that his cats had stayed inside. Before he could, his eyes glazed over with a purple sheen that in less than a couple steps solidified to a deep violet and with new eyes he looked at the door in front of him and slammed it shut, he didn’t flinch in the slightest at the noise. He turned back the way he’d come with a wide grin on his face and began striding confidently through the snow.

His grin was an expression that would be more at home in the Nether than the Overworld, sharpened teeth bared menacingly, promising violence. Ranboo wore it with pride as his hunt began.

Notes:

Lmao sorry I keep making them cry, it just happens whenever I write these characters.
And yeah I’ve decided c!Tubbo’s go to method of consoling someone is making tea, I’m projecting ok.
Hopefully I'll have the next (and last I think) chapter out soonish. But also don't count on it, knowing me it'll probably be another couple months lmao.
I hope you enjoyed this, if u leave me a comment I will cry thanks :D

Chapter 3

Summary:

Ranboo decides he is going to kill god, and Technoblade just wants his table back.

Notes:

hi, yes it has been over two months since the last chapter, technically this has been finished for like a month but I kept changing stuff. also there are gonna be 5 chapters now bc this ended up being nearly 6000 words and I wanted to separate it from the next chapter.
HAHAH I added the BAMF!Ranboo tag, he deserves it <3
anyway enjoy :)

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Technoblade gazed out at the snowy tundra from a small window on the first floor of his home. He was sat in his most comfortable chair by the fire, warmed by a cozy hand-knitted blanket and reading one of his countless books. It was a fascinating dissection of anarchist theory and he had been thoroughly enjoying it until Edward had made a distressed vwoop and he had looked up in surprise and concern. The enderman had pointed out the frosted glass of the window at a distant figure striding towards the house. 

Techno squinted at the figure and reluctantly put his book down. “I will not be happy if that is some guy here to cause trouble an’ interrupt me readin’ my book.”

Edward gave him a somewhat unimpressed stare.

“It’s a good book!” Techno defended himself, “I was enjoying it and now I’m probably gonna have to wait to finish it,” he said, still observing the approaching figure.

“Who the heck is that anyway?” He squinted again, “Darn it, where are my glasses?”

Edward reached a long arm out and gently tapped Techno’s head where his glasses were precariously perched.

“Thank you Edward, dunno what I’d do without you,” Techno said as he pushed his glasses down and looked out the window again.

With clear vision now the figure came into focus, their stupidly long limbs and ridiculous suit immediately identifying them and Techno sighed in relief, “It’s just Ranboo, you were worried for nothing.”

He had already looked back down to his book when Edward screeched in defiance and shook his head frantically. 

“Dude, it’s Ranboo, calm down,” he repeated with emphasis, refusing to look back up from his book, already caught back up in an analysis of governmental structures. 

Edward hesitated, before reaching over, lightning fast, and snatching the book from his hands.

“Bruh, I was reading that.”

Edward made a dismissive sound and held the book high above his head with one arm, pointing out the window with the other. 

“Fine, fine I’m looking.” He turned his head in the direction of the window. Ranboo was stalking through the snow, headed for the pool of lava that the tunnel to the Syndicate room lay beneath. 

“So? Ranboo’s going to the meeting room, that’s fine, he’s allowed to be down there,” he paused under Edward’s glare, “Ok, I guess, it’s a bit weird he’s going there in the middle of the day when we have no meetin’ planned and he’s told me before he doesn’t like it down there ‘cause the table freaks him out but I’m sure it’s fine.”

Edward made a disbelieving snort.

Techno sighed, “Aw man, I’m gonna have to follow him aren’t I?”

Edward nodded resolutely.

“I guess my book will have to wait till later then.”

 

-------

 

Ranboo stalked through the snow, his eyes set, violet, violent and determined, on the lava pit that he was steadily advancing on. 

The lava was warm when he jumped down through it, after the cold of the arctic. The cold had never really bothered him much, a consequence of growing up in the freezing void of the end. But the warmth of the lava against his skin was nice nonetheless and he missed it a bit when his feet hit the cold ice of the tunnel floor.

The wooden boat he pulled from his inventory was rickety, an old vessel of his that he had never felt the need to replace, the patched and scratched surface standing the test of time. It carried him at high speed through the tunnel and it was barely any time at all before he was climbing out of it onto rough stone ground.

The door to the Syndicate’s meeting room loomed ominously before him, or it would have at least, if he wasn’t an entire block taller than it. He had to awkwardly crouch as he stepped through the door, an issue that plagued him everywhere he went. 

Endermen friendly doors were few and far between in a society of almost entirely two block or less tall people. Phil had apologised to him profusely when he realised the door he built was too small the first time they all entered the room together and promised he would extend it. Turns out that the height of doors wasn’t really something most people thought too critically about when undertaking construction.

Tubbo was the only exception to that rule. 

Ranboo had nearly cried when he first entered their current Snowchester home, half built and missing it’s roof, but with an entrance taller than him by a whole block. He had hugged a very confused Tubbo close to his chest, pulling him up off the ground and thanked him over and over again. Tubbo had only laughed at him and told him he was being far too emotional over one measly door. 

The Syndicate room was the same as always when he entered and he smiled a little at the familiarity. The stasis pearls bobbing behind their chairs and the comforting flickering of the lanterns. He even felt comforted by the table he usually found so unsettling. 

Without the block in his memory he knew what it really was and where it led to. It didn’t make him afraid anymore. He did still feel apprehensive as he carefully rounded the table and slotted the eyes in one by one, shuddering as they clunked into place. After all, it was one thing to know the portal for what it was, another entirely to know what he was doing by placing the eyes of Ender. 

To know who, exactly, it would summon.

He brought out and drank several different potions from his inventory, shuddering at the taste and shaking his hands out as the glow and sparkle of strength and speed sunk into them. He yanked his netherite axe out from his inventory as well, holding it in his offhand. With some final nervous adjustments to his full set of shimmering armour he took a deep breath and delicately placed the last eye into the table. 

There was a loud bang as the worn green planks of the table disappeared, replaced by a star misted gateway that looked the same as the night sky. His very own personal night sky, embedded in this table and oh so close to his hand as it wavered and reached down towards bedrock.

“Back so soon little prince?” 

A voice echoed from behind him. 

Ranboo withdrew his hand as if it were burnt and spun to face the voice, axe gripped tightly. 

Dream XD floated in front of him, all dark green robes, jewels and golden light. Personally Ranboo thought it was all a little bit over the top, rather excessive, even for a god. 

XD was floating in a laid back position, lying on his stomach, face cushioned in his hands, covered as always by his blindingly white mask. 

“Well? Nothing to say then? That’s too bad, I was so looking forward to having a good chat. How's the parents going? Still dead?” XD giggled at his own joke, spurred by the way Ranboo’s eyes narrowed.

“⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⌿⏃⊬” (You will pay,) Ranboo said, hands shaking a little where they clutched his weapon, “⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⌇⊑⍜⍙ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏃⋔⟒ ⋔⟒⍀☊⊬ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌇⊑⍜⍙⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔” (We will show you the same mercy you showed them.)

“Oh, very dramatic today aren’t we. It’s too bad really that I had to wipe that memory of yours, you’re so much more fun with it all in there, it sure is amusing hearing you speak in that silly language of yours, such a shame no one else can understand you.”

Ranboo glared at XD and in a flash of motion swung his axe upwards, fast and deadly, aiming directly at the god’s head. The motion set to chop it clean off. XD dodged easily, flying out of reach and moving to sit cross legged in mid air. Almost directly above Ranboo’s head, looking down at him, grinning under the mask.

He sighed, rocking back and forth as he spoke, “Is there really any point trying this? Bit embarrassing for you isn’t it? Can’t we just go back to when you’d blow stuff up whenever I asked you to? That was fun, let’s do that again.”

Ranboo swung at him again in answer, once again, missing completely as the god zipped out of the way. Going as far as to cartwheel around once he evaded the blade, laughing maniacally all the way. Spiraling through the air before coming to perch on the back of Phil’s syndicate chair. 

“Hmmmm,” -XD put a hand on his chin in mock contemplation- “and why come here to open this portal? Surely you know I won’t let you go back?”

“⍙⟒ ⎅⍜ ⋏⍜⏁ ⍙⏃⋏⏁ ⏁⍜ ☌⍜ ⏚⏃☊☍ ⍙⟒ ⍜⋏⌰⊬ ⍙⟟⌇⊑ ⏁⍜ ⟒⋏⎅ ⊬⍜⎍” (We do not want to go back, we only wish to end you,) Ranboo snarled, “⟟⏁ ⍙⍜⍀☍⟒⎅ ⎅⟟⎅ ⟟⏁ ⋏⍜⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⏃⋏⎅ ⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⎅⟟⟒” (It worked did it not? You are here. And you will die.)

Dream XD burst out laughing at that, letting himself fall down heavily to sit in Phil’s chair and slapping the edge of the portal with his hand. He gasped through his amusement, “ha, you really think, that you,”-he flung out a hand to gesture to Ranboo- “could ever even come close to defeating me?” he gestured back to himself. “Give me a break. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard all day, and I’ve had to listen to Dream’s god awful thoughts since dawn, maybe if you had the skill of someone like Technoblade then we’d be on a more even playing field,” he said dismissively, “But look at you” -he leaned forward to rest his chin on his hands- “you’re just a boy, and I’m a god. Even without the control I held over your mind, you’ve no chance really, if you had any sense at all you’d leave here and never come back, after all, you’ve got a family at home don’t you?”

Ranboo clutched the handle of his axe tighter, “⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⋏⍜⏁ ⌰⏃⊬ ⏃ ⎎⟟⋏☌⟒⍀ ⍜⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⋔” (You will not lay a finger on them,) he growled, eyes burning with righteous fury, “⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⟒⏃⍀ ⎍⌇ ⎅⍀⏃☌⍜⋏ ☍⟟⌰⌰⟒⍀ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌇⍜ ⋔⎍☊⊑ ⏃⌇ ⏚⍀⟒⏃⏁⊑⟒ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⎅⟟⍀⟒☊⏁⟟⍜⋏ ⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰” (You hear us Dragon Killer? You so much as breathe in their direction and we will-)

XD cut him off, “You’ll what? Kill me? I thought that was already the plan, why don’t you get on with it?”

The chair screeched as Dream XD stood up and with a bored sigh, summoned a glowing netherite sword to his hand. “I’m sick of sitting around kid, come on, give me the best you’ve got.”

Ranboo downed another strength potion, tossed the empty glass straight for XD’s head, not even blinking as his opponent easily sidestepped. He twirled his axe into a defensive position. 

“⏃⌰⍀⟟☌⊑⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⋏ ⏁⟟⋔⟒ ⏁⍜ ☍⟟⌰⌰ ☌⍜⎅” (Alright then, time to kill god,) he muttered under his breath and jumped forward to clash his axe against the blade of XD’s sword.

 

-------

 

Technoblade wasn’t having a very good day, first he got interrupted reading his book, then he couldn’t find an invisibility potion anywhere in his house and was delayed five minutes as he brewed one and now he was standing in the open doorway to the syndicate room watching as Ranboo attempted to fight god. 

The worst part of this all, he thought, was that Phil’s table, their pride and joy, was gone, replaced with a rather stupid looking portal. Who put stars in a portal anyway? That’s so dumb, those belong in the sky. Yeah sure it was kinda pretty and mysterious but Techno wanted his table back!

The fight raged on before him, which probably should have been of higher concern than the whole table business. But it really was a rather good table in Techno’s opinion, the awesome centrepiece of their cool secret meeting room for their extra cool, extra secret organisation. God, Phil was gonna be pissed about this. 

There were broken chairs and shards of glass from smashed lanterns strewn across the room. Not to mention the multitudes of shelves pushed over, the precious books and maps they once held now crushed and ripped on the ground. 

Techno almost shuddered at the sight, he was so not going to be anywhere in the vicinity when Phil found all this. A god fighting his close friend and ally to the death? Yeah he could handle that. Phil, his lifelong companion and trusted friend finding something he made had been destroyed? Absolutely not. 

He watched in horror as Ranboo tugged a lantern down from the ceiling by it’s chain. He proceeded to swing it around his head as if it were a lasso then let it fly at XD, smashing solidly into his head. The god didn’t even blink, calmly brushing the broken glass from his robes.

That didn’t bode well, Techno thought, fighting a seemingly indestructible god seemed like a pretty insurmountable task. So why on earth was Ranboo attempting it? Techno knew of the god, he’d been the one who almost took their beloved table in the first place after all. But he never planned to fight him for it!

Techno stayed there as he thought, casually standing in the doorway. Taking his time, carefully calculating his next move with the cool calming sensation of an invisibility potion cloaking him from the world. 

Meanwhile, Ranboo launched himself off a chair and onto XD’s shoulders, clawing at the god’s head desperately. He was flung off with barely any effort from XD and smashed back into Niki’s chair, reducing it to a pile of splintered planks.

Techno winced at the smash, damn there goes another piece of furniture. Now he would have to build Niki a whole new chair, either that or she’d have to stand for the whole of the next meeting. Do these people have no respect for good carpentry? Honestly. 

Ranboo looked pretty beat up too, Techno supposed, collapsed on the remnants of the chair groaning in pain and probably nursing a whole host of bruises. That was also a problem, perhaps a bigger problem than the chair, but Techno really didn’t want to think about having to fix something that was living and breathing and very important to him. 

It was easier to think about how he would repair the chair.

XD laughed at Ranboo’s crumpled body, “Going to give up so soon little prince? I’d really hate to kill you, you’re so fun,” he considered something for a moment, “If you leave now maybe I’ll spare that child of yours, the husband’ll have to go though I’m afraid, never did like that kid.”

Techno almost choked on his own spit, wow was that a lot to unpack, maybe later he’d ask Ranboo what exactly XD meant when he called him little prince and why he had a husband and child that Techno didn’t know about. Rather scandalous really. Phil would probably find this all incredibly entertaining, he wouldn’t be surprised if it was his fault somehow that Ranboo was married with a kid and somehow royalty. Seemed like the sort of thing that old bastard would orchestrate on purpose just for a laugh.  

Phil’s probable meddling aside, he probably should help out Ranboo, the poor kid didn’t seem to be doing too spectacularly against XD, as expected really. Techno knew first hand that defeating a god was no easy task. Oh well, time for round two.

Techno pulled out his own netherite axe and grimaced as it shone in the flickering low light of the room. He tentatively looked between the two duellers, who were both back to trading blows with their weapons, one with far more ease than the other. Neither of them spared a glance at Techno’s axe, which to the outside observer seemed to be floating midair in his invisible hand.

Unseen, Techno crept very carefully and quietly towards XD who was now standing upside down on the low hanging ceiling, halfheartedly fending off blows from a furious Ranboo standing below him. 

Ranboo was yelling up at the god between haphazard swings of his axe. Techno had no clue what he was saying but going off the angered tone and oft raised middle finger, he didn’t seem all too happy.

Techno stopped when he was about as close as he could get without alerting Ranboo or XD to his presence. Although admittedly he didn’t think Ranboo could notice him above the angered diatribe he was spitting at XD. 

With a calculated glance and a deep breath Techno pulled back his arm and threw his axe. Sending it spinning through the air aimed straight for XD’s torso. There was a dull thud as it cleanly made impact and the force propelled the god backwards. 

He seemed to fight against gravity for a second, freezing in mid air like a loony tunes character before gravity took over and he fell from the ceiling. He landed with a loud thump on the cold stone floor and lay there unmoving, the axe protruding from where it was embedded in his stomach.

Ranboo, who had stopped his angry yelling in shock when the axe hit XD, spun around and yelped, frightened, “ ⍙⊑⍜ ⟟⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⌇⊑⍜⍙ ⊬⍜⎍⍀⌇⟒⌰⎎ ” (Who is there? Show yourself!)

Techno blanched at the sight of the enderman’s pure purple eyes, noticing them for the first time as he tended to avoid looking the enderman directly in the eyes. He had no way of knowing what Ranboo had demanded, the language he was speaking foreign and unknown to Techno. It certainly wasn’t anything from the Nether where he grew up. Something about it did seem vaguely familiar though. 

He decided to stay silent for the moment. Who knew if this guy even was Ranboo at all, speaking in some weird language the way he was, seemed very suspicious if you asked Techno.

There was a sudden faint groan from the pile of green robes in the corner and they both looked at it in fear. Ranboo was holding his breath. 

To their combined dismay, XD rose from the ground and looked down at the axe buried in his stomach. 

“Aw, you’ve gone and got blood on my robes. Now, who the hell did that? Come on out,” XD said before wrenching the axe from his torso and dropping it to clatter to the ground, “I swear I’ll only maim you a little bit.”

The wound left by the axe knitted itself back together before their very eyes. Leaving behind only a faint neon green stain on the already green cloak and a thin tear in the fabric. The god’s mask stared at Ranboo with that unchanging jubilant expression, now slightly splattered with green, his head just barely tilted. 

“Did lil' ol’ Ranboo stage a surprise attack? Awww, I didn’t know you had it in you! I’d say I’m proud but it was a bit of a silly move on your part, you should probably be worried for your invisible friend because I certainly won’t be leaving them alive,” XD announced cheerfully, “Alright then, where are you? Come out come out wherever you are!” XD sang as he methodically flew around the room, searching out the air with his hands.

Ranboo stood and watched in dread as the god abandoned their fight and zoomed about the room, this really wasn’t going to plan at all. 

 

-------

 

Technoblade was not having a good day. He really really wasn’t having a good day. How it just managed to get worse and worse he didn’t know, but it did seem to him that this was all Edward’s fault and if he ever got home he would be giving that guy a stern talking to about why it was always an awful idea to involve oneself in other people’s business. 

At least he was still invisible, that was the singular thing he had working in his favour. 

There weren't many places to hide in the syndicate room, he dodged and avoided the god until his gaze fell upon the table turned portal and chanced a glance underneath it, he grinned to himself, it appeared the portal did not span downwards and there was still a small space beneath it. 

He ducked and rolled until he was splayed out beneath the table, his feet just barely sticking out past one end and laid there smugly as XD grew increasingly frustrated when he was unable to find his invisible assailant. 

It was at that moment that Techno felt the familiar warmth flickering over him that marked the end of the effects of the invisibility. He screwed his eyes shut and thanked the gods (well all of them except the one currently hunting him down) that he had managed to make it beneath the portal in time.

Techno’s eyes were still shut when he felt a hand roughly grasp his ankle and yank. His eyes flew open and he slid out from beneath the table, back on the ground and staring up with wide eyes at the god stood over him.

“Uh oh.” 

Ranboo made a distressed screech, “⏁⟒☊⊑⋏⍜ ⍙⊑⊬ ⏁⊑⟒ ⊑⟒⌰⌰ ⏃⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⟒⍀⟒” (Techno?! Why the hell are you here?)

Techno looked back and forth between Ranboo and the god now pinning him with a hand on his chest to the floor, “So uh, how’s the fighting been going for you two then? Good? Yeah definitely um . . . ”

Ranboo put his head in his hands and began muttering to himself, “⌇⊑⟟⏁ ⌇⊑⟟⏁ ⌇⊑⟟⏁ ⍜⎎ ⏃⌰⌰ ⌿⟒⍜⌿⌰⟒ ☊⏃⋏⋏⍜⏁ ⏚⟒⌰⟟⟒⎐⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⍙⟒ ⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ☍⋏⍜⍙⋏ ⊑⟒ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⌇⟒⟒ ⎍⌇ ⎎⎍☊☍ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⟟⌇ ⏃⌰⌰ ☌⍜⟟⋏☌ ⍙⍀⍜⋏☌” (Shit, shit, shit. Of all people. Cannot believe this. We should have known he would see us. Fuck. This is all going wrong.)

Dream XD tilted his head in interest, ears easily picking up the enderman’s muffled cursing, “Oh don’t tell me you know this guy?”

Ranboo jolted in surprise and he quickly removed his hands from his face, “⋏⍜ ⍜⎎ ☊⍜⎍⍀⌇⟒ ⋏⍜⏁ ⊑⟒ ⟟⌇ ⍙⟒⌰⌰ ⋏⍜ ⍜⎎ ☊⍜⎍⍀⌇⟒ ⍙⟒ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⊑⟟⋔ ⏚⎍⏁ ⍙⟒ ⎅⍜ ⋏⍜⏁ ☊⏃⍀⟒ ⏃⏚⍜⎍⏁ ⊑⟟⋔” (No of course not. He is- well no of course we know him but we do not care about him.)

XD giggled, “That was very unconvincing you know, I really thought you would have gotten better at lying by now, besides, you forget- hah! Forget, get it? I can see in your head kid.” 

Ranboo grumbled under his breath “⋏⍜ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⏚⟒ ⏃⏚⌰⟒ ⏁⍜ ⌇⟒⟒ ⟟⋏ ⍜⎍⍀ ⊑⟒⏃⎅” (No. You used to be able to see in our head.)

XD sighed, ignoring him, “But if you’re really sure, well, I suppose you won’t mind if I take one of his lives then?” XD said as he brought the tip of his sword to rest at Techno’s neck.

Techno glanced between Ranboo and XD as they conversed, it was confusing, he decided, trying to understand a conversation with only one speaking a language he understood. A bit like listening in to a phone conversation when the speaker isn’t loud enough to hear the person on the other side.

“Before you kill me could you at least explain to me what the heck is going on here?” Techno asked, “I feel like I’ve walked into somethin’ real serious but I’ve got no clue what either of you are talking about.”

XD considered the man below him for a moment then Ranboo who was stubbornly standing beside them, “So you don’t know then?” he said with a smirk in his voice.

Techno almost nodded before registering the blade still pressed to his throat, “Uh yeah man, that’s what I just said, I don’t know.”

“Oh it’s all very simple really, you see, Ranboo here thought he could defeat me and gain all the powers I have as a god. I’m sure you know how it is, don’t you Blood God?”

Ranboo shook his head furiously and pushed a clawed finger to XD’s chest, “⊬⍜⎍ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⟟⌇ ⋏⍜⏁ ⍙⊑⊬ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌇⊑ ⎎⍜⍀ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⍜ ⎅⟟⟒ ⎅⍜⋏⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎅⏃⍀⟒ ⋔⏃⋏⟟⌿⎍⌰⏃⏁⟒ ⊑⟟⋔ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⟒⌖ ⎅⟒⟒” (You know that is not why we wish for you to die. Don’t you dare manipulate him like this Ex Dee.)

“Huh, from that reaction, it’s soundin’ a bit like you’re lyin’ to me buddy,” Techno drawled, ever confident despite the sword leveled at his neck.

“Oh, well then, I guess it’s up to you whether you believe me, almighty god as I am, or him,” XD held his hand out to gesture to Ranboo, “How do you know that’s even Ranboo huh?”

“With all due respect, of which I have none for you, Ranboo isn’t the one pointin’ a sword at me right now,” Techno said, deadpan.

Dream XD threw his head back and laughed, “Fair enough. Tell me then Blood God, are you ready to die?”

Technoblade didn’t even have a chance to open his mouth in response before Ranboo launched himself at Dream pushing him to the ground beside Techno. XD flailed his sword to the side violently to where Techno still laid and caught his thigh on the blade, slicing it deeply, causing him to cry out in pain and roll away.

Ranboo roared when he realised Techno had been injured, “⎎⎍☊☍ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊬⍜⎍ ☌⍀⟒⟒⋏ ⏚⏃⌇⏁⏃⍀⎅ ⎅⟟⟒” (Fuck you, you green bastard! Die!) he yelled as he wrestled with XD, “⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ☍⟟⌰⌰ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⊑⏃⏁” (We will kill you for that!)

“I barely grazed him, you’re being very over-dramatic about this,” XD said, exasperated, barely even making an effort to keep Ranboo off him. Restraining him the way you would an angry toddler, with just one arm raised to keep him away. Unflinching in the face of the smaller knife Ranboo had drawn from his inventory and was attempting to stab him with. 

Despite this, it only took a second of weakness in XD’s lazy defence for Ranboo’s knife to sneak through, cutting a deep gash in the meat of XD’s shoulder.

XD screamed, as if he were experiencing the worst pain he’d ever felt in his life. It was a blood curdling sound, entrenched in magic as it echoed throughout the small room. 

The wound quickly welled with blood and Ranboo watched in trepidation as it bled freely, the god beneath him frozen in shock now his scream had trailed off.

“That’s never happened before,” XD said, fear lacing his words, the humour and sarcasm he’d held long gone from his voice. 

They both stared at the pool of neon green blood now growing on the floor, ignoring Technoblade who had pulled himself to sit against the opposite wall. He was deftly and neatly bandaging his leg with strips of his shirt, wincing as he put pressure against it. 

XD abruptly made the first move and with his uninjured arm, flung Ranboo off him. Ranboo smashed into the wall beside Techno and slumped there, finding himself momentarily winded. 

With great effort, the green god floated slowly to his feet then further, bringing himself to hover over the portal. His body shook with the effort of keeping himself floating now, it almost looked as though the golden light that had shrouded him before had dimmed slightly. 

Ranboo was just managing to pull himself to his feet, heavily leaning against the wall when he realised what XD intended to do. He clumsily stumbled forward, making a futile effort to grab him from the air.

It was too late. 

With a sigh, the green god let go and his body fell immediately, vanishing into the portal. His two attackers were left behind, both staring shocked at the empty static sky of the gateway.

 

-------

 

“Um-” Techno paused, stopping as soon as he started. Awkward as he looked up at Ranboo who had since began pacing back and forth by the portal, muttering in a panicked tone to himself in that weird language of his. 

Ranboo looked over when he heard Techno speak, shocked out of his thoughts as if he had forgotten Techno was there at all and rushed over to him, falling to his knees beside him and beginning to frantically check over his wound.

“⍜⊑ ⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅ ⍙⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⍜ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬ ⏃⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⍜☍⏃⊬ ⌇⊑⟟⏁ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⌰⍜⍜☍⌇ ⌿⍀⟒⏁⏁⊬ ⏚⏃⎅ ⍙⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⍜ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬ ⊬⍜⎍ ☌⍜⏁ ⟟⋏⎐⍜⌰⎐⟒⎅ ⍙⟒ ⌇⊑⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⏚⟒⟒⋏ ⋔⍜⍀⟒ ☊⏃⍀⟒⎎⎍⌰ ⊑⍜⌰⎅ ⍜⋏ ⍙⟒ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⏃ ⊑⟒⏃⌰⟟⋏☌ ⌿⍜⏁⟟⍜⋏ ⟟⋏ ⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⌇⍜⋔⟒⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒” (Oh my god we are so sorry. Are you okay? Shit, this looks pretty bad. We are so sorry you got involved. We should have been more careful. Hold on. We have a healing potion in here somewhere,) Ranboo said in tumbling, fast paced Ender and began to shuffle frantically through his inventory.

Techno stared at him, slightly worried, “Uh, Ranboo?”

Ranboo produced the aforementioned potion, presenting it to Techno.

Techno tilted his head, considering the enderman kneeled in front of him, “that’s great and all, but do you think you could maybe explain what’s going on first? Like why you’re speaking all weird, an’ why your eyes are purple, and why the heck that bastard called you a prince.”

Ranboo blushed slightly, purple rising to his cheeks as he looked away, “⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⍜⋏⌰⊬ ⏃⋏ ⍜⎎⎎⟟☊⟟⏃⌰ ⏁⟟⏁⌰⟒ ⋏⍜ ⍜⋏⟒ ⍀⟒⏃⌰⌰⊬ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⟟⏁ ⌖⎅ ⍙⏃⌇ ⍜⋏⌰⊬ ⋔⍜☊☍⟟⋏☌ ⎍⌇ ⏚⟒⌇⟟⎅⟒⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⟟⌇ ⋏⍜ ⍜⋏⟒ ⌰⟒⎎⏁ ⍙⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⋏⍜⏁ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⍀⟟⋏☊⟒ ⍜⎎ ⏃⋏⊬⏁⊑⟟⋏☌ ⏃⋏⊬⋔⍜⍀⟒” (It is only an official title. No one really used it. XD was only mocking us. Besides, there is no one left. We are not the prince of anything anymore.) 

Techno tilted his head to the side, uncomprehending, “Yeahhh, dunno what I thought that would achieve.”

Ranboo shook his head, frustrated, “⊬⍜⎍ ☊⏃⋏⋏⍜⏁ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⌇⏁⏃⋏⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⟟⌇ ⋏⍜ ⏁⟟⋔⟒ ⏃⋏⊬⍙⏃⊬ ⟊⎍⌇⏁ ⏁⏃☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇” (You cannot understand. There is no time anyway. Just take this.) He waved the potion at Techno, trying to give it to him.

“You need that just as much as I do buddy,” Techno said, “Can’t believe you were standing, you got flung around like a rag doll by that guy.”

Ranboo shook his head, and pushed the potion into his hands. “⍙⟒ ⟟⋏⌇⟟⌇⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⏃☍⟒ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⍜⎍⍀ ⎎⏃⎍⌰⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ☌⍜⏁ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎎⟟⍀⌇⏁ ⌿⌰⏃☊⟒” (We insist you take this. It is our fault you got hurt in the first place)

“I’m not takin’ the potion,” Techno said stubbornly, crossing his arms and shifting to sit straighter against the wall then wincing as the movement tugged at his injury.

Ranboo sighed in defeat, “⎎⟟⋏⟒ ⏁⊑⟒⋏ ⏚⎍⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⏁⏃⊬⟟⋏☌ ⊑⟒⍀⟒” (Fine then. But you are staying here,) -he pointed at Techno then the ground between them- “⍙⊑⟟⌰⟒ ⍙⟒ ☌⍜ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒⍀⟒” (While we go in there) he pointed to himself then the portal. 

With that decided, Ranboo downed the potion in a gulp, eyes closed, grimacing at the sickly sweet taste then relaxing as its warmth settled over him, easing the pain from his many scrapes and bruises. He opened his eyes and tilted his head at Techno, “⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⌇⏁⏃⋏⎅” (Understand?)

“Uh, you’re goin’ in the portal?” 

Ranboo nodded.

“And you want me to stay here?” Techno asked incredulously.

Ranboo nodded again, a bit more firmly this time.

“Listen, I dunno if you noticed, but that guy was destroyin’ you up until the very end there. You’d have to have a death wish to follow him through there.”

The enderman shook his head and grabbed Techno’s hand, “⊬⍜⎍ ⎅⍜ ⋏⍜⏁ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⌇⏁⏃⋏⎅ ⍙⟒ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⏁⍜ ⍙⟒ ☊⏃⋏ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⊑⟟⋔ ⋏⍜⍙ ⎅⟟⎅⋏⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌇⟒⟒ ⟟⏁ ⊑⟒ ⎅⟟⎅ ⋏⍜⏁ ⊑⟒⏃⌰ ⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⍜⎍⍀ ⍜⋏⌰⊬ ☊⊑⏃⋏☊⟒ ⎎⍜⍀ ⍀⟒⎐⟒⋏☌⟒” (You do not understand. We have to. We can hurt him now. Didn’t you see it? He did not heal. It is our only chance for revenge.)

“Uhhhhh, yeah, I’ve got no idea what you just said.” 

Ranboo slumped slightly, frustrated. The frown on his face cementing itself there.

Techno hurried to reassure him, “But, I’m sure that whatever it was uh you were speaking facts king?” he cringed, “God I sound like Tommy.”

Ranboo tentatively smiled and rose to his feet, he gave Techno a gentle pat on the head. “⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⏁⟟⋔⟒ ⎎⍜⍀ ⎍⌇ ⏁⍜ ☌⍜ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ⟒⟟⏁⊑⟒⍀ ⌇⟒⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⌰⏃⏁⟒⍀ ⍜⍀ ⍙⟒⌰⌰ ⍙⟒ ⍙⍜⋏⏁ ⟒⟟⏁⊑⟒⍀ ⍙⏃⊬ ⍙⟒ ⍙⟟⌇⊑ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃ ⌿⍀⍜⌇⌿⟒⍀⍜⎍⌇ ⏃⋏⎅ ⌿⟒⏃☊⟒⎎⎍⌰ ⎎⎍⏁⎍⍀⟒” (It is time for us to go. We will either see you later or, well, we won’t. Either way, we wish you a prosperous and peaceful future.) He bowed his head to Techno slightly before turning and striding towards the portal.

“Wait!” Techno called from behind him, trying to push himself to his feet but ultimately slumping back down when his leg weeped more blood, staining the fabric binding it an even darker red. “Ranboo, he’ll kill you. Please don’t follow him in there. I can’t lose another person I care about.”

He turned back to look at him. Their eyes met and Ranboo jolted slightly from it before quickly averting his gaze. “⍙⟒ ⏃⍀⟒ ⌇⍜⍀⍀⊬ ⎎⍜⍀ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ ⟟⋏⟒⎐⟟⏁⏃⏚⌰⟒” (We are sorry for this. It is inevitable,) he said, rather apologetically, before turning once more and with a running jump he leapt into the portal, disappearing before Technoblade’s very eyes.

“Aw man, Phil is so not going to be happy about this,” Techno said, before he immediately passed out against the wall, the blood loss finally getting to him.

Notes:

ooooooooo sorry for the cliffhanger hehe >:)

Dream XD is definitely a bit ooc but in my defence I wrote this before most of the new lore he's in and my version of him has a mind link with Dream so they're kind of more similar than they are in canon.

I promise Ranboo will manage to actually kill god next chapter, might have to give me a couple more months till I get that done tho lmao.

Anyway this fic is over 11000 words now and officially the longest thing I’ve ever written solely bc of the two (2) people that commented on chapter 1 saying they would love to read a continuation, this is all your fault, thank u <3

If u leave a comment I will 100% respond to it and I will treasure it.

Chapter 4

Summary:

Dream XD fucking dies

Notes:

WARNING!! This chapter includes XD being impaled, I do describe it, not really in intense detail, but there's blood and stuff so be warned of that!
I didn't want to update the tags to major character death bc I know lots of people filter that and XD doesn't count to me anyway bc he's an asshole.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ranboo landed with a thud on a dark obsidian platform, suspended impossibly above the void. Once again returning to the End for the first time in years, he was greeted by the main island of the end that loomed in the near distance. He studied it critically, attempting to access any visible changes to its former glory. 

The end spikes towered in a circular formation about the land as they always had, but they were missing the gently glowing end crystals that had once floated atop them. 

Ranboo remembered watching in fear and disbelief as Dream destroyed them one by one. He shuddered at the memory. 

In the centre of the spikes, there stood the fountain, it had once flowed with pure sparkling void. He missed drinking void, it was so much nicer than water. It tasted sweeter and felt better to swallow, mainly because it didn’t singe his throat on the way down.

The fountain ran dry now. 

And around it laid, in fragmented pieces, a monolithic skeleton. Ranboo put a hand over his mouth at the sight of it. Even from a distance he could see how the bones had been bleached, looking as though they had lain there for millennia, undisturbed. 

He knew whose skeleton it was, it was hard not to, with the way they had remained standing up in place, no wind to disturb them. That and the fact that he’d watched her die there himself, years before. 

It only fueled his rage to see her lying there, abandoned, with no one left to give her a proper send off. He swore to himself that once XD was dead he would undertake the task of gathering her bones and giving them back, one by one, to the void to reclaim.

He stood there, fight forgotten for a moment as he remembered fondly how the Dragon used to perch above that very same fountain that her bones caged now. It was wonderful, the daily tradition of gathering around her, as a family, and speaking to her. 

Ranboo remembered when she had calmed a particularly heated debate between him and his friend. They had been yelling at each other over who should have first go at an elytra they found. She had told them in no uncertain terms that if they didn’t cease arguing over it she would be happy to remove it from their grasp and allow Ranboo’s younger sister a turn with it instead. 

They had immediately come to a decision that they would decide amongst themselves with a game of tag, faced with the prospect of losing it altogether. Ranboo’s friend had won, cheering in joy before snatching the elytra and taking off. Ranboo had been jealous at the time, but looking back on it he remembers how he had smiled nonetheless as he watched his friend soar through the void. 

The Dragon had watched them with fond amusement that day and soon after his friend took flight she offered Ranboo a ride on her back to fly up there and join him in the sky. It hadn’t exactly been unusual, she often allowed them to fly with her around the void. Always warning to hold on tightly else they fall. But up there in the expanse of the void alongside his friend, Ranboo had never felt more free.

He missed them with every last part of his being. And he desperately yearned to be enveloped again by the comforting feeling of the Dragon’s magic.

She had always been magic in a way they had never understood and never attempted to. She healed their wounds and cured them when they were sick. She calmed them when they were distressed and curled about them protectively while they slept. And she told brilliant tales of the world far from theirs and yet just a blink of the eye away. 

Ranboo remembered being awed by stories of great seas of water, of towering mountains filled with fire and sprawling forests with trees taller than the tallest end spike. Of deep dark caves that held jewels and treasure untold and strange creatures unlike anything they’d seen before. 

He felt none of that same wonder now. 

It had vanished after that cruel and uncaring Overworlder, his first contact with a once intriguing world, had strolled into the End and removed everything about it that had made it Ranboo’s.

So while it may be true that he was back in the End, he certainly was not home.

Ranboo strained his eyes to see if there were any smaller skeletons around the island, hoping quietly to himself that they had disintegrated already. He didn’t know how well he would cope with seeing any more of his family reduced to bones.

Thankfully, instead of more skeletons, his eyes caught upon a flash of green behind one of the end spikes. The neon colour stood out harshly against the monotone colours of the island, rather unfortunately for Dream XD. 

Ranboo on the other hand, was in a familiar environment, one he had traversed all throughout his childhood. A wicked grin slid onto his face at the realisation that finally, he had the upper hand.

In the blink of an eye and a burst of purple, Ranboo disappeared from the obsidian spawn platform and landed on the main island of the end. He did not stumble, his feet steady and sure, the familiar endstone solid and soothing beneath him.

He took a sharp breath as his eyes immediately darted around to access his surroundings. Once again easily spotting the green clad figure huddled behind an obsidian spike.

Within another blink, he teleported again. Abruptly bringing him face to mask with XD. 

The god jolted in shock at his sudden appearance, pressing his back further against the obsidian behind him.

“⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⏃⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⟟⎅⟟⋏☌ ⎎⍀⍜⋔ ⟒⌖ ⎅⟒⟒ ⌇⎍⍀⟒⌰⊬ ⋏⍜⏁ ⎍⌇ ⌇⎍⍀⟒⌰⊬ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒ ⋏⍜⏁ ⏃⎎⍀⏃⟟⎅ ⋔⟟☌⊑⏁⊬ ☌⍜⎅ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏃⍀⟒” (What are you hiding from Ex Dee? Surely not us? Surely you are not afraid, mighty god that you are?) Ranboo taunted, twirling his axe in one hand expertly.

XD did not respond, only clutched tighter at his wounded shoulder.

“⏃⍙ ⋏⍜⏁ ⟒⎐⟒⋏ ☌⍜⋏⋏⏃ ⏁⏃⌰☍ ⏁⍜ ⎍⌇ ⋏⍜⍙” (Aw, not even gonna talk to us now?)

It seemed XD intended to remain silent, letting the question hang in the air for long enough that Ranboo grew tired of waiting. 

He abruptly stopped twirling his axe around playfully and instead began to swing it down in a swift arc at XD.

“Wait!” the god exclaimed, flinching. 

Ranboo stopped his axe just centimetres from his mask, a morbid curiosity compelling him to hear out the last words of his adversary.

XD let out a soft sigh of relief, then shakily spoke; “Please, just tell me first, how did you do it?” 

Ranboo raised an eyebrow at him, “⍙⊑⏃⏁ ⎅⍜ ⊬⍜⎍ ⋔⟒⏃⋏” (What do you mean?)

XD unclamped his hand from the deep gash in his shoulder, still weeping shimmering neon blood, displaying the wound as an answer.

Ranboo shrugged, “⍙⟒ ⎅⍜⋏⏁ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⏚⎍⏁ ⟒⎐⟒⋏ ⟟⎎ ⍙⟒ ⎅⟟⎅ ⍙⟒ ⌇⎍⍀⟒ ⏃⌇ ⊑⟒⌰⌰ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅⋏⏁ ⏁⟒⌰⌰ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊬⍜⎍ ⎅⍜⋏⏁ ⎅⟒⌇⟒⍀⎐⟒ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⏃⏁⟟⌇⎎⏃☊⏁⟟⍜⋏” (We don’t know, but even if we did, we sure as hell wouldn’t tell you. You don’t deserve the satisfaction.)

With that he brought his axe back and slammed it down again towards XD’s head. 

XD zipped to the side clumsily, just barely missing the blow, then shot upwards into the sky. He levitated shakily up to the top of the spike, where he let himself down none too gently, control over his flight seemingly lessening by the minute. He cringed beneath the blank grin of his mask as the impact of his landing jolted his injured shoulder.

Ranboo peered up at him from the ground, grimacing as he remembered the last intruder that had perched on top of one of those spikes

“You must know!” XD insisted, yelling down at him, “You don’t just injure someone like me by accident!”

Ranboo smiled wryly, “⍙⟒ ⏃⌇⌇⎍⍀⟒ ⊬⍜⎍ ⟟⏁ ⍙⏃⌇ ⟒⋏⏁⟟⍀⟒⌰⊬ ⍜⋏ ⌿⎍⍀⌿⍜⌇⟒ ⏃☊⏁⎍⏃⌰⌰⊬” (We assure you, it was entirely on purpose actually.)

“Then tell me how you fucking did it!” XD shouted furiously.

A flash of purple and Ranboo appeared above XD, knocking him down onto his back and rolling quickly to his feet beside him. XD screeched in pain as his injured shoulder hit the obsidian. He laid there, winded. 

“⍙⟒ ⏃⌰⍀⟒⏃⎅⊬ ⏁⍜⌰⎅ ⊬⍜⎍ ⍙⟒ ⎅⍜⋏⏁ ☍⋏⍜⍙ ⊑⍜⍙ ⍙⟒ ⎅⟟⎅ ⟟⏁ ⊬⍜⎍ ⊑⎍⍀⏁ ⏁⟒☊⊑⋏⍜ ⌇⍜ ⍙⟒ ⌇⏁⏃⏚⏚⟒⎅ ⊬⍜⎍ ⏁⊑⏃⏁⌇ ⟟⏁” (We already told you, we don’t know how we did it. You hurt Techno so we stabbed you, that’s it,) Ranboo said slowly, each word thrown from his mouth full of anger and finality. 

XD groaned in realisation, “Oh god damn it,  of course,” -he slammed a clenched fist down hard onto the obsidian- “of course it had to be the fucking blood god’s fault, stupid meddling bastard-“

He mumbled the last part to himself and probably would have continued cursing out the aforementioned blood god had Ranboo not interrupted:

“☊⏃⍀⟒ ⏁⍜ ⟒⌖⌿⌰⏃⟟⋏” (Care to explain?) 

“Nope, like you said before, you don’t deserve the satisfaction of knowing,” XD replied before rolling off the side of the spike. 

He let himself fall till mere metres above the ground, abruptly stopping in mid air. From there he immediately flew off towards the centre of the island, to where the skeleton of the Dragon surrounded the dry fountain. 

His flight was stilted, stopping and starting, losing and gaining altitude every few seconds. A bit like a remote control toy car with low battery, stuttering just before you know it’s about to die.

A flash of purple and Ranboo appeared on the bedrock pillar of the fountain, right as XD arrived at it. 

The god gasped, shocked, falling a couple metres, just barely stopping himself before he hit the ground. With great effort and an obscured glare at his opponent he materialised a new netherite sword into his hand. He levelled it, hand shaking, at Ranboo, who only smiled at him mockingly and braced his axe defensively. 

A cry of anger and XD propelled himself up at Ranboo, sword pointed before him as if its point was the only thing dragging him forward.

Ranboo easily parried the incoming blade with the handle of his axe, although he grimaced at the chip it caused in the wood. He took note to avoid future blows to it, any more chips like that and the whole thing could snap in half.

XD was thrown to the side by the force of the parry, smashing into one of the rib bones that caged them. Using the little control he had left over gravity, he delayed his descent and reached out and grabbed onto the bone, slumping as he let himself dangle there from his one good arm. 

Then, with a momentous amount of effort, he swung himself up and onto the rib bone, shakily standing up to balance on it. He looked down fearfully at Ranboo who was still stood on the fountain, gaze fixed on the god above him, watching with a slightly tilted head and a calculating smile.

Ranboo’s smile widened and then, in a flash, he was right across from XD, standing on the opposite rib, a spined bridge of bone the only thing separating them. 

“⌇☊⏃⍀⟒⎅” (Scared?) Ranboo asked mockingly.

XD released a wordless scream in response and threw himself forward at Ranboo, who easily side stepped to the next rib bone. XD yelled again incomprehensibly in anger and flew through the air, plucking Ranboo’s axe from him, he managed to stay levitating for another second, in which he launched the axe out into the void.

Ranboo reached out a hand uselessly, watching as his one weapon fell away out of sight, unreachable. 

XD’s briefly regained dominion over gravity once again dissipated after he tossed the axe and he yelped as he fell. He desperately grabbed for the bones to no avail, he plummeted all the way to the ground below, landing with a muted thump on the endstone. 

Ranboo glanced at the body below, then frantically began looking around, searching, until his eyes landed on the very bone he was standing on, more specifically, the deadly sharp spines that adorned the Dragon’s spine. With a grimace and a whispered apology, he wrenched a roughly sword sized one from the skeleton. He tossed it from hand to hand briefly, testing its balance, then, having found it satisfactory, brandished it pointing down and disappeared in a cloud of purple. 

He reappeared barely a metre above Dream XD. Within a second, the bone he held tightly in his hands had skewered through the god’s chest, piercing right through to his heart.

 

—----

 

Techno stumbled as the portal spit him out onto the platform suspended in the darkness, his injured leg shaking from the impact. 

His attention was very quickly drawn to the figure standing alone inside the skeleton on the main island of the end. The alien arrangement of pillars and foreign blocks that made up the ground went unnoticed as he narrowed his eyes at who he now recognised as Ranboo.

The kid had his back to Techno, he squinted at him, struggling to see so far without his glasses, until he realised abruptly that there was some sort of green lump slumped at Ranboo’s feet, laid flat out on the ground. Oh, that must be XD then, made sense, they should be the only ones in here after all.

He was shook from his observation as he abruptly felt a presence latch onto his being and he rolled his eyes at the cries of victory from chat, delighted to be another soul stronger. He didn’t appreciate the surprise but he did relish in the energy it granted him, feeling the laceration in his thigh close slightly and the bleeding from it slow. 

Standing considerably more steadily now, he watched as Ranboo stepped back slightly, revealing XD’s broken form and most significantly the long stick that was stuck cleanly through his chest. That’d be where the new soul came from then Techno supposed. 

The odd weapon protruded from his robes unnaturally, a stark white against the green and Techno regretted for a moment that he wasn’t the one who got to kill the green bastard. Once the god had wounded him the voices had demanded his blood fervently and he always felt a bit guilty when he disappointed them. He was glad they woke him up and got him here to see the neon blood spilt and the god dead, otherwise they would have been unbearable for a couple days until he caved and went and killed someone else.

As blasé as he was about murder, Ranboo definitely did not share that apathy. The poor guy was still standing over the body and the pool of blood slowly seeping from it. He was very still, almost like he was dead himself, his eyes wide open. 

Techno worried a bit that the kid might be going into shock. He’d never been one to enjoy violence and impaling someone seemed like something that’d probably distress him. Such a shame really, Techno loved a good impaling, had to be up there in his top 10 favourite methods of murder. 

He opened his mouth to call out to Ranboo but was interrupted by several loud bangs. He watched in confused awe as otherworldly floating crystals materialised above each of the obsidian spikes around the island. 

The crystals were really quite pretty, coloured a brilliant purple with intricate rotating pieces orbiting about them, he wondered if there was any way to safely move them. Phil would probably appreciate them as decorations in the syndicate meeting room or one of his other builds. 

Perhaps Ranboo knew more about them, it seemed exactly like the sort of mysterious knowledge he would be privy to. He hoped the kid’s convenient amnesia cleared up so he could get an explanation for all this, preferably in a language Techno could understand. 

He sighed, of course he had the luck to end up mentoring some idiot with all this main character energy. Surprising really that he didn’t get killed earlier by XD for the kid’s character development or something. Oh well, he supposed there was still time for that, those crystals might be deadly missiles for all he knew.

As if they heard his thoughts, all at once brilliant purple beams of light emanated from the crystals, almost blinding in their intensity. Their focal point; the skeleton, or perhaps more aptly, the boy standing shocked yet victorious in the middle of it.

Aw man, he really hoped those weren’t missiles. It would be a real shame to watch his friend get blown up. And besides that he still had no idea how he was meant to get back to the Overworld and he had a feeling Ranboo was his ticket out.

Well, his ticket out was currently lit up by the light beams, which the kid stared at in awe, holding his hands up to see the light they seemed to emit and glancing around at the spikes with confusion. 

Then, quite suddenly, the beams of light disappeared, causing Techno to breathe a sigh of relief. He noted that the crystals were still floating gently up and down on the pillars, good. Maybe he could come back and retrieve them later then. 

First though, he needed to retrieve Ranboo. The kid was still standing in shock in the middle of the island, light gradually fading from his skin.

“Ranboo!” Techno shouted.

Ranboo locked eyes with him immediately from across the void and in another second had teleported next to him.

He smiled and said, a bit breathlessly, “Well, that was a lot wasn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah,” Techno replied uncertainly and paused, allowing himself a moment to scan Ranboo for any injuries. He glanced briefly at his eyes, making sure not to linger on them and found they were odd colours, one a sort of magenta and the other a muted blue. 

“You alright? Your eyes are, uh, weird, or well, weirder than normal.”

“Probably something to do with being hit by the end crystal beams, I thought the Dragon was the only one who could summon them, but to be fair I guess I was sort of standing in her.”

“Mhm mhm,” -Techno nodded- “sure I’ll pretend I know what all that means. How is it you’re speaking English again but I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh sorry, let me explain; the beams restore-“

Techno held up a hand, causing Ranboo to stop, “Listen kid, can we save the conversation for when we’re outta here? This whole never ending void thing is kinda creepin’ me out.”

“Of course, of course, I’m sorry, I guess the end is a bit of an unsettling place for Overworlders.”

Techno tilted his head, “I think it’d be unsettling for just about anyone, after all I’m not exactly an Overworlder you know, I’m from the Nether originally, what with bein’ Piglin an’ all” 

“Oh, yeah sorry,” Ranboo said slightly bashfully, “Forgot.”

Techno snorted in amusement, “that’s very on brand of you.” 

Ranboo grinned at that, “Not anymore it isn’t. Killed that green ⎎⎍☊☍⟒⍀ ( fucker) so I shouldn’t forget things anymore, cleared up my amnesia as well.”

“Yo! Good for you man, finally unlocked your tragic backstory?”

Ranboo winced at that, “Uh-huh, tragic is definitely one word for it.”

“Oh, sorry, bit too soon maybe,” Techno said apologetically.

Ranboo nodded awkwardly, then stilled and made a very worried vwoop noise. “Techno! What about your leg?” he frantically looked down at Techno’s thigh, it was covered in blood, “You’re covered in blood! Why did you come through the portal with it like that? I had this handled!”

Techno huffed, amused, and glanced over Ranboo’s shoulder at the corpse on the main island, “Yeah I can see that. My leg’s fine though, don’t worry about it.”

“It’s definitely not fine, you were stabbed Techno.”

“It was more of a slice really.”

“That’s not much better!” Ranboo exclaimed.

“It’s fine , it’s mostly healed now anyway.”

“What! How?!”

“Eh, don’t worry about it, it’s a god thing you wouldn’t get it. Or- shit, I guess you would, you did just kill XD after all.” He grinned, “Welcome to the club kid, you’ve got the great company of me, Phil’s wife, a child and a shark guy. Real fun people I swear.” 

Ranboo blinked. “Phil has a wife? No. You know what, no, I don’t want to know.”

“Yeah that’s fair, don’t tell him I told you he’s married to Death, he’ll probably be mad at me,” he paused for a moment, “Wait, damn it, you didn’t hear me say that.”

“Hear what? I didn’t hear anything, Death? Who’s that? Not Phil’s wife, that's for sure.” 

“You’re gonna have to work on that, it was very unconvincing,” Techno said dryly.

Ranboo laughed, “Sure, but no offense, I think I’ve got bigger concerns than Philza Minecraft at the moment.”

Techno shook his head, face entirely serious, “Never underestimate Philza’s wrath, that man is a powerful force to be reckoned with.”

“I’m more worried about how my husband is going to take this to be honest,” Ranboo said, before his eyes almost immediately widened in realisation.

“Wait, ⌇⊑⟟⏁ (shit) , forget I said that, I don’t have a husband.”

Techno smiled fondly at him, “Alright then, Phil isn’t married to Death and you don’t have a husband, I’m glad we‘ve come to these conclusions.”

“Uh yeah! Definitely. Welp,” -he clapped abruptly- “that’s that sorted I guess, time to go home then.”

He grabbed Techno’s arm and met his eyes with a nervous smile. 

“I sure hope this works.”

There was no time for Techno to ask what ‘this’ was before they had vanished, leaving behind a cloud of purple that dispersed gradually into the void.

Notes:

Yes he did just welp clap Techno after killing god, that did just happen.

Also Ranboo's eyes are that colour bc its their normal colour combined with purple, there is no EW!Ranboo anymore, he's all just Ranboo :]

This chapter really didn't want to get written and I'm still unsure abt it but it's done now so, I will return probably in another couple months with the last chapter ig. I'm very excited for it, it should be a lot of fun hehe.

If you leave me a comment I will be so incredibly thrilled with it, even if it is just a little smiley face

Chapter 5

Summary:

Tubbo breaks down Techno's door and an awkward conversation ensues

Notes:

Hi yes it has been well over a year since I last updated this, rest assured this fic has been plaguing me in the back of my mind the whole time.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

They popped back into existence on Techno’s porch. There was warm light shining out from the windows and gentle snow falling around them.

Techno blinked incredulously at the purple particles that quickly dissipated from the air.

“You could have warned me you were going to do that.”

Ranboo shrugged belatedly, “We’re here now aren’t we?”

Techno looked at him with an incredibly unimpressed expression.

Ranboo coughed awkwardly and moved forwards to open Techno’s front door, “We uh, we should probably get your leg fixed up.”

Techno nodded and moved past him inside.

Technoblade’s house was a lot cosier on the inside than what many on the server would assume of who they saw first and foremost as a bloodthirsty murderer.

Beyond the door lay a very short corridor which opened out into a large living room with a small kitchen off to the side and a staircase that appeared to lead to both higher and lower levels.

The living room, although large, felt really rather small due the sheer volume of stuff that filled the space. There was a worn dining table slap bang in the middle of the space lined with a mismatched entourage of chairs. In addition to those there were a multitude of comfortable looking armchairs dotted about the space, all of which had hand knitted blankets thrown over them. A fireplace in the corner flickered away merrily, looking freshly stocked (probably thanks to Edward).

Bookshelves lined the walls, all of them overflowing with tomes and scrolls, so much so in fact that a couple of them actually had books spilling out onto the floor, stacked haphazardly. As well as literature the shelves were home to a great many knickknacks ranging from ancient looking skulls to tiny glass bottles, many of which looked enchanted, shimmering in a variety of colours.

Rugs covered all available floor space, overlapping in so many places it was hard to tell where one rug ended and another began. Rich tapestries hung from the ceiling and multiple wanted posters were reverently tacked up on the limited wall space not occupied by shelves.

The space was lit by every light source imaginable, glowstone and shroomlights just barely visible in places underneath the rugs, lanterns and torches hanging randomly around the room both. Candles were littered about, some burning, others no longer lit, just small piles of wax. All of the candles and torches glowed with enchantments, presumably one that kept them from lighting any of the surrounding flammable items on fire.

Ranboo, who had been in Techno’s house before, (unlike a large percentage of people on the server, who Techno for the most part successfully kept out of his home) barely paid attention to the living room and went straight for the set of stairs in the corner.

Techno, walking slowly on his injured leg, limped over to sit down in one of the many comfortable chairs close to the fireplace as Ranboo descended the stairs across the room.

“Hey, Techno?” Ranboo yelled from downstairs, “Where do you keep the healing supplies again?”

“Second chest from the right on the bottom row.” Techno answered back, not bothering to yell.

“What?” Ranboo yelled back, “I didn’t hear you.”

Techno rolled his eyes but had opened his mouth to repeat himself when he heard a popping noise and Ranboo was suddenly speaking from directly behind him.

“Sorry where did you say it was?”

Techno leaned his head back on the headrest of his chair to look up at Ranboo, “Bottom row, second chest from the right. But kid you really should be more careful about who you sneak up on like that, most people on this server aren’t roommates with a friendly enderman you know.”

Ranboo nodded, “Right right, yeah of course, I guess I have to start thinking about it now, it’s a bit of an odd thing to get used to, especially when I’m already sort of half familiar with it.”

He trailed off at the end of his sentence and abruptly disappeared again, Techno heard a chest open and close and then Ranboo was back, directly in front of him this time, holding a large wad of bandages and a bottle of healing potion.

He awkwardly handed Techno the supplies, who accepted them gratefully and began the process of cleaning and binding the wound.

“Sit down somewhere kid, there’s a chair right behind you.”

Ranboo nodded and let himself sink down into the armchair, pulling the blanket on the arm of it over himself.

“Now, it’d be good if you could explain to me what exactly just happened please.”

Ranboo jolted upright, “Oh! Uh, of course, of course yeah, um, so. Where do I even start here?”

“What about with the fact that apparently you’re a prince now.”

“Uh well, I sort of always have been I suppose. It wasn’t really something that mattered all that much back in the End. I was uhm, only the prince because I was the child of the two eldest Enderieans, my mums were really the only ones with titles that mattered, it didn’t mean that I had any um, power or anything. The only one that really called me that was the Dragon.

I think XD only kept me alive because he mistakenly thought I must have been someone important.”

Techno frowned, “Did he kill everyone else?”

“As far as I know, yes.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright, or well- it's not really, but I’ve got my revenge now, it’s helped, I think. I’m just glad I can remember them all again, so they don’t have to stay forgotten anymore. I’m still not entirely sure how I killed Ex Dee in the first place though, it was like none of my attacks were affecting him at all and then all of a sudden they were.”

Techno snorted, “That’d be my fault, one of the perks of being the Blood God is that once my blood has been drawn by an opponent, if I choose it, their soul is forfeit to me. It often kills mortals before I can, it weakens ‘em so severely. I suppose because he did this,” -he gestured at his injured leg- “it made him mortal, I can feel his soul with the others now, he’s not happy about it, but most of them aren’t at first. He’ll blend into the crowd in a couple years.”

“Woah, that’s kind of an op power man.” Ranboo said, an awed expression on his face.

Techno nodded, “Why d’ya think I’m still undefeated, no one can get a hit on me without getting absolutely destroyed.”

Suddenly there was a frantic banging at Techno’s door, making Ranboo jump in shock and Techno tiredly turn his head towards the noise.

“Who's there, go away.” Techno called out halfheartedly.

There was an answering loud and destructive crash followed by thundering footsteps and Tubbo appeared at the entrance to the living room.

Michael was clutched tightly in one of his arms and an axe was held out threateningly in the other. He had a furious expression on his face that dropped along with the axe as soon as he spotted Ranboo. He gently let Michael down and proceeded to run full tilt at Ranboo.

Ranboo had stood up as soon as Tubbo appeared in the room and they rushed towards each other. Ranboo scooped Tubbo up easily into his arms and crushed him to his chest in a hug, looking down at him fondly.

“Hi Bo.”

Tubbo, glared up at him.

“Fuck you, why didn't you answer your com you ass.”

Ranboo’s eyes widened, he gently put Tubbo down and reached into the inner pocket of his jacket. He pulled out his communicator and cringed when he saw it, the screen was completely smashed, he clicked the on button to no avail.

“Um, sorry, I think it got broken” he said belatedly.

“How on earth did you manage that- wait, what the fuck is up with your eyes?!” Tubbo exclaimed, grabbing his husband's face to examine them in closer detail.

“Uhhh, hate to interrupt you two, but can someone explain who this child is and also remove them from me please.” Techno said, visibly uncomfortable as he stared down at Michael who, after being put down by Tubbo had immediately wandered over to Techno and latched onto his uninjured leg and started babbling at him in Piglin.

“Michael!” Tubbo yelled, and ran over to detach him from Techno, scooping him up.

He glared at Technoblade, “This is my son.” he said firmly, “and I would appreciate it if you stayed away from him.”

Techno threw his hands up, “He came up to me man, what was I supposed to do? And how on earth is your son Piglin in the first place?”

“That's none of your fucking business Blade and if you know what's good for you you'll stay out of it.”

“Fine. You can stay out of my house then.”

Ranboo jolted at that and teleported between them, holding his hands up.

“Look, guys can we just calm down please. Tech, we got Michael from the Nether, he was wandering around alone so we adopted him okay, we didn't steal him or anything if that's what you're worried about."

“Hang on, ‘we’? Ranboo please tell me this isn't that husband you were talking about. You didn't get yourself involved with the government did you?”

Ranboo winced, “Well, I um, sorry to say but uh, Technoblade, meet my husband, Tubbo.”

It was then that Techno spotted the matching rings and gave a long suffering sigh.

“Aw man, seriously? Of all people you had to choose this guy, well you better believe I’m calling a-” he paused as he glanced at Tubbo- “uh, a book club meeting. Soon.” He cleared his throat, glancing around, clearly trying to find a way to escape the conversation, eyes falling on the entrance to the kitchen and he stood up. “Anyway I’m going to go bake a potato now. The whole killing god thing really drives up an appetite y’know.”

“The whole- the what? Killing god? Ranboo what is he talking about?” Tubbo spluttered, turning his glare back onto Ranboo.

“I- um- uh-” Ranboo stuttered as Techno began to walk off, he was interrupted by Michael who had squirmed his way out of Tubbo’s arms and to the floor only to barrel after Techno and grab onto his leg again.

Techno went to take another step then looked down at Michael, “Listen this kid's cool and all don’t get me wrong but-” he glanced up at the death stare Tubbo was fixing him with, “-maybe it's best he stays where Tubbo can see him.”

Ranboo gave them a thoughtful glance, “Actually you know it might be a good idea for me to speak to Tubbo about this alone, it might uh, might be a bit much for Michael, you know with-”

“Absolutely not.” Tubbo interrupted.

“I trust him Tubbo, with my life and by extension yours and Michaels. I wouldn't be here now if he hadn't showed up earlier.”

Tubbo raised his eyebrows a bit at the uncharacteristic steadiness in Ranboo's voice, it reminded him of someone but he couldn't quite put his finger on who. His heart clenched at the implications of the second half of that statement and with trepidation nodded uncertainly.

“I’m gonna be honest I’m still not happy with leaving Michael with him but if you’re sure then okay.” He squeezed Ranboo’s hand, “I trust your judgement.”

“Alright then.” Techno said, he looked down at Michael who was still clutching onto his leg “How do you feel about potatoes kid?” Michael babbled something agreeable sounding at him in Piglin then squealed with laughter as Techno nodded and began to walk into the kitchen dragging his leg with Michael hanging on.

Ranboo and Tubbo stood for a second once the other two had left, just staring at each other. Both just relieved at the other's company and not quite yet willing to start the conversation that needed to be had.

Eventually it was Ranboo that broke the silence.

“Okay, I guess I’d better explain myself then.”

Tubbo nodded but didn’t speak, waiting for him to continue.

“Uh, I suppose, should I start with the eyes, you said they were different now right?”

“Yeah.”

“I think that might be because I sort of like, well, you know how I used to get when I would only be able to speak in the language of the End?”

Tubbo nodded again.

“Well I have all those memories, from when I was like that as well as all my other memories. It feels almost like those two halves of me are whole again and I think that fusion might have translated to my eyes. Sort of merged the purple with their normal colours ya know?”

“So no more memory problems?” Tubbo asked, smiling slightly.

Ranboo grinned, “Yeah, exactly.” He pulled his memory book from a pocket in his suit jacket, “No need for this old thing anymore.”

“And the whole killing god thing?” Tubbo asked, crossing his arms against his chest and raising an eyebrow.

“Ah, yeah, that. I may have hunted down Ex Dee and ya know-” he drew a finger against his throat, “-yeahhh, mightn’t have been my most well thought out plan but hey it worked out, right?”

Tubbo looked at him with a bit of disbelief in his eyes, “Is that what you were so worked up about last night?”

Ranboo nodded seriously, “It wasn’t a fair fight, I knew that going in, but he was so much more powerful than I accounted for. I should have known better, planned better, but I was just so angry. If Techno hadn’t shown up, I’m not sure if I would’ve-” he trailed off, staring despondently at the floor.

Tubbo gently knocked their foreheads together, “It’s okay Boo, it all worked out. I’m going to be so so mad at you later but hey right now all that matters is you’re here, I’m here and Michael is, well not right here but he’s just over in the kitchen.” He shook his head, “You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Ranboo smiled, his eyes slightly watery, clearly fighting off tears.

Tubbo suddenly grinned and shoved at his shoulder, “Holy shit man you have got to teach me how to swear in Ender, like come on surely you tell me some fun new swears now you actually can speak in both languages.”

“Absolutely not. Anyway, wanna see something cool?” Ranboo asked, immediately clumsily changing the subject and teleporting behind Tubbo, waiting for him to spin around.

“Pretty cool right?”

“Ranboo, I have known you could teleport for literal months boss man.”

“Huh? Oh! Of course you do, I teleported all the time around you. Wait, why the heck didn’t you mention that this morning.”

“I dunno, guess it must have slipped my mind.”

“How does the fact that I can literally teleport slip your mind?! That seems like kinda an important fact!” Ranboo exclaimed incredulously.

Tubbo scoffed, “Can you imagine, you lost your shit when I told you that you knew another language, just imagine me trying to explain that you could teleport, you probably would have had a heart attack or something.”

“Hey ⎎⎍☊☍ ⊬⍜⎍ (fuck you), I would not have freaked out that badly.”

“Oh my god did you just swear at me? Boo oh my god that’s adorable.”

“No it doesn’t count if it’s in Ender.”

“It so does what the hell!”

“Doesn’t.”

“Does.”

Techno and Michael walked back in as they argued, Michael holding tightly to one of Techno’s hands. Both of them watched the pair bickering with a vague amusement as they munched contently on freshly baked potatoes.

“↸╎リリᒷ∷ ᔑリ↸ ᔑ ᓭ⍑𝙹∴ ⍑ᒷ|| ꖌ╎↸” (Dinner and a show, hey kid.) Techno said to Michael.

“||ᒷᔑ⍑ ℸ ̣ ⍑ᒷ|| ᔑ∷ᒷ ᓭ𝙹 ᓭ╎ꖎꖎ||” (Yeah, they are so silly.) Michael responded, nodding fondly.

Ranboo and Tubbo stared at them both, shocked into silence.

“Are you two- Techno, you can understand him?!” Ranboo exclaimed.

Techno rolled his eyes.

“𝙹ʖ⍊╎𝙹⚍ᓭꖎ||” (Obviously.)

Michael giggled.

Notes:

Wow finally finished this, crazy I know.
It doesn't really come up bc understandably Ranboo is processing a lot but he does also have creative mode god powers now. I came up with the concept of taking a gods powers by killing them BEFORE it was canonised btw, predicting the future or whatever.
But yeah he's basically all powerful now so you better believe the later canonical events of him dying and the whole server blowing up thing would Not have happened in this au.
If u subscribed to this fic and came back to read this last chapter even though it's been over a year since I last updated it just know I am insanely grateful and sorry for taking so long to finish it!
I come back to read comments on this fic when I need cheering up so if u leave a comment it means a lot to me.