Chapter Text
Zoe could not believe how fast the summer was going now that she had Willow. It’d been six weeks since Willow was born, but Zoe swore it felt like a few days. She wished time would slow down so she could savor her time even more because she loved every single second of being a mom. Being Willow’s mom.
It was definitely the hardest thing Zoe had ever done and it’d taken a lot of adjustments on her and Evan’s part to really get in the swing of things, but now that they were there, Zoe wouldn’t change a single moment. They’d learned so much so quickly, mostly through trial and error as they tried to figure out what Willow needed and wanted, but Zoe fully believed that they were doing a great job. Things were almost easy now and Zoe was feeling amazing.
Her body was finally getting back to “normal” like pre-pregnancy feelings, even if it was somewhat hard for Zoe to remember what it was like to not be pregnant or in the post-partum recovery period. That was one of the best feelings though, because those first two weeks had been miserable and Zoe wasn’t sure it would ever get better. It was hard to go to the bathroom, everything hurt, her stomach had been cramping for a lot longer than she thought it would, and breastfeeding had been rough right after they left the hospital. But now, Zoe felt okay and she was looking forward to her body being completely recovered.
She was going in for her six-week post-partum check-up soon, with Sarah at the clinic and she was surprisingly looking forward to it. Not really the actual check part, her one-week visit had been just as uncomfortable as those dilation checks, but hearing from a doctor that everything was okay. And they were going to be talking about birth control, figuring out which one might work best for Zoe so that her and Evan could go back to having sex, which Zoe had been seriously missing during her recovery time.
It wasn’t even necessarily the actual sex that she missed though, she liked sex a lot, but she missed just being in that intimate space with Evan. He had been so dedicated to her and to Willow ever since coming home from the hospital, but they hadn’t really gotten time to just be them without anything else happening too. They were pretty much on parent duty at all times and when Willow slept at night, so did they, not giving them many opportunities to be together like they’d grown used to while Zoe had been pregnant.
For the most part Zoe was okay with it though because they spent time as a family, and it was special to her in an entirely different way. Having Willow with them all the time and taking care of her with Evan was one of Zoe’s greatest joys in life. She was even more in love with her little girl than she had been at the hospital and Zoe hadn’t thought that anything would ever top that feeling, but things just kept getting better the more she learned about her daughter.
Willow was absolutely incredible, the most perfect baby in the whole world. And Zoe didn’t think that only because she was hers and Evan’s baby, it definitely swayed her opinion, but Willow really was an amazing baby. She was meeting every milestone that she was supposed to, even at just six weeks old. She smiled constantly, cooed when Evan and she talked to her, she could hold her head up in her carrier and on her tummy, and she slept for good stretches of time through the night.
Zoe just loved her so much, couldn’t get enough of her, even when Heidi or Jared offered to watch her so Zoe could take a break. She didn’t want a break though. Zoe wanted to spend every minute she could with her daughter, be the mom Willow needed her to be, the one she wanted to be.
That didn’t keep Zoe from taking the help when she needed it though or from letting other people love on Willow too. Heidi would watch her when they were home together so Zoe could shower or Jared would hold her and Zoe would play music for both of them, little things like that. Zoe loved that Willow had many people in her life who absolutely adored her and wanted to spend time with her, wanted her and Evan to succeed as parents.
But the things that she’d read online while she was pregnant weren’t really what she was experiencing at all. She wasn’t overly tired and stressed out even though Willow was still a newborn. She didn’t want Evan to leave her or the baby alone like some people had said about their partners. Now that she trusted her body was healing the way it was meant to, she felt great.
Zoe didn’t even mind waking up every two or three hours to feed Willow through the night, even though Evan offered to feed her so she could sleep longer. He ended up just waking up with them and talking with them or changing Willow’s diaper or something, so it wasn’t like he was sleeping, and she wasn’t at all. Plus, Willow almost always went right back to sleep, usually while still nursing, and so did her and Evan. It was really nice.
Not to mention, Zoe really liked breastfeeding. She still pumped some so that Evan could feed her or Heidi, but Zoe preferred that Willow breastfeed most of the time. Raquel had been right, once her and Willow really got the rhythm down together and after those really uncomfortable transition stages (thank god she had all that nipple cream from Shana and what she’d bought beforehand), it was really great and pretty easy for Zoe and for Willow.
Zoe thought it was comforting, to her and to Willow and being able to feed her made Zoe feel extremely close to her daughter. It was something only they would experience together, and it was maybe a little selfish of her, but Zoe loved that.
Her and Willow had established a nice little routine when it came to feeding, but Zoe still fed her whenever she wanted it and tried to do the “every two hours” still, keeping track of sides and times through Evan’s app. And Willow was a good eater and was gaining weight exactly as she was supposed to according to Dr. Marsh, now weighing in at an adorably chunky 11 pounds. She was still catching up a bit, since she’d been early, but Zoe thought she was perfect.
And maybe Zoe was convinced that Willow was such a good baby because she didn’t cry all that often, just when she needed something. She had different cries for when she wanted to eat, when her diaper was wet, when she just needed cuddles, everything. Zoe and Evan could tell them all apart at this point too, which made things even easier to fix.
Willow was a genuinely very happy baby and Zoe could tell that she loved both her parents. At first Zoe was a little worried that Willow would connect and bond with her more than Evan, mostly because of feeding, but she’d been very happily been proven wrong. Willow loved Evan just as much as she loved her, which made Zoe extremely happy and she was sure Evan too.
Willow loved being held by them or being close to them and would cry when either of them put her down except when she was sleeping. They both thought it was incredibly sweet and Zoe refused to just let her cry, and Evan was even quicker to get her and soothe her when she was crying. It led to Zoe doing a lot of things around the house with Willow wrapped tightly into her little front carrier, but Zoe didn’t mind. It was like when she was pregnant in terms of mobility and space and she loved looking down and seeing Willow looking up at her, curious blue eyes bright and happy, her baby hair pushed back by a little bow (they caved and bought a few more headbands and bows because they were simply too cute). Zoe liked having her baby close and it didn’t change her ability to change the laundry to prep meals or do dishes or study or even sometimes play the guitar.
And adding even more to her happiness and good days, as always, was Evan. Her sweet, wonderful Evan. He had of course been doting on her, helping her with everything she needed, but he was also completely devoted to Willow. Evan really was an amazing dad and Zoe once again wished time would slow down so she could enjoy watching him and Willow even more. It was like the most natural thing for him and Zoe had never seen him more confident than when he was with Willow.
But Evan was still his anxious self and she’d seen him compulsively take her temperature or wake up suddenly and need to make sure that Willow was breathing, things like that. Zoe was fine with it because she just thought it meant that he was always thinking of Willow, always making sure that she was healthy and thriving. She would talk to him more about if he was struggling with his anxiety if it ever went further than that, but since she’d also done some of those things too, Zoe was chalking it up to them being first time parents.
Because everything else was just delightful to watch. Evan played with Willow, sang to her all the time (which he’d definitely been hiding his beautiful singing voice), kissed her little toes to make her laugh, rocked her gently to sleep, anything he could to make her happy. Probably her most favorite thing of all was whenever Evan came home from work, he greeted her and handed off whatever drink he brought her, and immediately went in search of Willow wherever she was. If she was on the playmat, he got to the ground and started talking to her. If she was sleeping, he kissed her head and watched her for several minutes. If she was nursing, he still kissed her head then waited for her to be done before taking her to burp. No matter what she was doing, Evan wanted to see her.
And Zoe was sure it’d eventually turn into Willow running to him as soon as he got home, something neither her nor Evan had ever done with their fathers.
Zoe was hoping there would be a lot of memories like that for Willow, that her and Evan would give her everything they didn’t have growing up. She could already see it happening, them building memories as a family, right now especially because her and Evan weren’t in school. Evan would never have to go back and Zoe was dreading her return more and more each day.
But she was letting herself focus on the present, take in every little thing, and enjoy the time off they had together. Evan always had two days off a week and those were by far her favorite days of the week, getting to spend all day with her family. They usually didn’t do much of anything, usually just caught up on chores or went to the store, but it meant everything to her to get to spend that time with Evan and Willow.
Evan always helped her with chores though, even on days he did work, which was definitely contributing to Zoe feeling like things were easy. They tried not to let laundry pile up or get behind on grocery shopping or forget to make dinner or wash bottles or anything like that. It was easy when it was the two of them and Heidi all contributing to everyone in the house.
Zoe had been completely right every time she told herself not to worry when she was pregnant because ‘everything would be better in the summer’ that things would really ‘turn around’. Because it was better, and they had.
Zoe was happier than she’d ever been in her whole life.
She wasn’t naïve enough to think all her anxiety about everything during her pregnancy, her childhood even, was gone from a month with her daughter, but Zoe felt optimistic about it all.
Going to the store didn’t bother her as much now, even though there were still people who gave her dirty looks or said stuff. She could ignore it all knowing in her heart she was doing a good job as Willow’s mom.
The idea of maybe re-joining an online young mother’s group didn’t sound as horrendous as it once did.
Her fear that she’d fail at everything and Willow would hate her was laughable now.
And even though she was not looking forward to returning to school in the slightest, especially without Jared and Evan, she didn’t think this year would be nearly as horrible as the last. She could fade into the background now that she wasn’t pregnant and keep her head down, get through the year hopefully unscathed.
But the thing Zoe had been super happy to share with Evan was that she finally felt okay enough to meet his friends for real. Evan had been absolutely thrilled when she asked about Lena and Isaac and their son and if he could see if they wanted to do a playdate or something casual like that.
Zoe had thought about a baby class at the community center or something similar, like her and Evan had discussed a while back, but Zoe just felt like Willow was still too little for those kind of things. They tried not to take Willow to crowded or public places often (their daily walk to the park didn’t count) because even though it was summer, they were afraid of Willow getting sick. Germs were everywhere and so were old ladies who constantly tried to look at or touch Willow in public.
So Zoe had suggested a little park date, thinking that it’d be nice to be outside and they wouldn’t really have to spend money on like lunch or a class or anything else. Zoe had also suggested it knowing fully well that it really wasn’t for the babies, but for her.
Meeting Isaac and Lena didn’t really seem as scary as it had when Evan wanted her to after he met them. Zoe was still a little nervous, but she trusted Evan and she thought it might be nice to talk to other parents, see how their baby was doing.
Evan had told her that Lena had their son Benji about two weeks before Willow, near his actual due date (unlike their impatient little blueberry), around the time that Evan had borrowed that beautiful purple dress for their improv prom. He looked chubby and bigger than Willow in the pictures Zoe had seen and she couldn’t help but think how cute Benji and Willow would be laying there side-by-side, squirmy and curious.
Zoe wanted pictures like that, to show Willow she had baby friends and that her parents did things with her even as a baby. Zoe wanted as many ways as she could to show Willow that her parents were so happy that she was a part of their lives, that she made them better.
It was probably stupid and there was a chance that Willow wouldn’t care about pictures at all, but Zoe wanted them for her, just in case, so that if she ever was curious the way Zoe had been, she wouldn’t go looking and find a partially filled album with pictures mostly consisting of her brother like Zoe had.
Her and Evan had even started to slowly go through her pregnancy ones, basically all of last year (even the ones from the first time they dated because neither of them had never deleted them), to figure out which ones to print in an album for Willow.
It was things like that that made Zoe less afraid and a little more excited to go outside her comfort zone, attempting to make friends again. And it was nice that Evan always reassured her many times over that Lena and Isaac were super nice and not judge-y and completely excited to meet her and Willow for real. It was all happening today too, as soon as Evan got home, they were going to head to the park to meet up and Zoe wasn’t sure if the feeling in her tummy was nerves or being giddy. Hopefully giddy, because hopefully it would end up going great.
Zoe would just have to wait and see though because right now she needed to focus on Willow who hadn’t made a peep but had her eyes wide open, swinging softly in her swing looking right at Zoe.
“Hi Will, are you up from your nap? I can see those pretty eyes,” Zoe says, setting down her guitar even though she’d been pretty distracted from playing to go pick Willow up. She wasn’t crying yet, but Zoe was sure that when Willow realized she wasn’t in her mom’s arms, where she fell asleep, that the little whimpers would come.
“What do you think about getting dressed, huh? Should we get dressed and then eat and then wait for Daddy to get home? Does that sound like a plan little miss?” Zoe asks her crouching down in front of the swing and stopping it, smiling as Willow smiled back at her, a definite agreement in Zoe’s opinion.
Zoe unclips the straps and gently scoops Willow up, laughing as Willow cooed happily at being picked up, before carrying her into their room to pick out a new outfit for the park. Willow probably didn’t need a new outfit, her olive-colored onesie that she’d put her in this morning was cute, but Zoe felt like she needed something just a little bit extra for her first ever playdate.
“What should we wear? How about something blue? Your daddy loves you in blue, but he loves you in everything,” Zoe tells Willow, setting her on her fox blanket on the ground before rifling through the 0-3 months basket in the dresser in search of the perfect outfit. She finally settles on a light blue thinly striped cotton romper, figuring she could match it with white knee socks and a white headband. Zoe still loved every gender neutral non-patterned piece of clothing her and Evan had picked out because it made it so easy to dress Willow. And once they decided that bows were too cute to pass up, they only ordered a few more neutral-colored ones, which matched with everything. It was perfect for them and Willow always looked adorable.
“Oh is your thumb yummy Willow Laine? Oh, no it’s your whole hand now. Is your hand extra yummy?” Zoe laughs watching as Willow took her thumb out of her mouth only to replace it with her entire hand. Zoe thought Willow sucking her thumb was one of the cutest things she did and loved knowing that she’d done it even when she’d been in the womb and hadn’t stopped since.
Zoe gently moves Willow’s hand out of her mouth though to pull her old onesie over her head, blowing little raspberries on her belly, making Willow laugh and grasp onto her hair, kicking her legs joyfully.
Zoe untangles Willow’s hands from her hair and grabs a new diaper and the pack of wipes from the basket they kept by her “changing blanket” and does her best to change Willow quickly because she’d gotten in the habit lately of kicking her feet while being changed, making it hard to get her diaper on snug enough for no leaks. Evan could always do it so fast, avoiding the flying baby feet expertly, and Zoe could never figure out how he did it. Maybe it really was all the extra practice he had while she was pregnant, but Zoe had a sneaking suspicion it was because if he was home, he changed Willow’s diapers. Early on he’d told her that it felt like something he could do to not make Zoe feel overwhelmed but that it also gave him time to spend with Willow when she was awake and silly, and Zoe just loved that. It didn’t exactly help her get any faster though.
When Zoe’s satisfied that Willow’s diaper was on properly, she slips her head through the new outfit and ever so gently guides her arms through the holes before snapping the crotch closed. Before putting on her socks, Zoe carefully makes sure her toes were okay (her and Evan were always worried hair would get wrapped her toes), then rolls them up to her knees, right where her little thighs were starting to form the cutest rolls. Lastly, Zoe puts the little white bow around her head and adjusts any hairs that were out of place before deeming Willow ready for the park.
Zoe picks Willow up and holds her close as she goes through her own closet trying to find something a little cuter than the leggings and old band tee shirt she was currently wearing. Zoe mostly tried to get dressed every day, not staying in her pajamas all day long just because she was staying home with a baby all day long. It helped her feel cute and accept that her body was changing again.
She decides on a cute little dress with flowers that she’d gotten when she first found out she was pregnant, something that was comfortable but wouldn’t make Isaac and Lena think she was a total disaster. And it was a bonus that this dress had buttons down the front, making it pretty easy to nurse whenever Willow needed it, like now.
Zoe sets her back down on the bed momentarily to change quickly and put her hair up into a cute messy bun. Willow’s sucking her thumb again more forcefully when Zoe scoops her up again and it tells Zoe that she was probably actually hungry now so she takes her into the living room to nurse in Zoe’s favorite armchair by the window.
It always made Zoe feel good when she thought about how far she’d come since the hospital when it came to breastfeeding. She could now undo all her shirts with one hand while she held Willow, get her completely situated in her favorite cradle hold, and get her to latch all in under two minutes. Then once Willow was sucking and eating, she got to just relax for a bit and enjoy the quiet time with her daughter. Zoe gently pets Willow’s hair and her cheek, taking in every detail of her precious baby for a couple minutes before she reaches for her phone to study the stupid SAT vocab words that were literally the bane of her existence.
When she was nursing was like the only time she had to study these ridiculous words, some of which she was positive were made up, even if she would much rather just watch Willow and relish in her. She was taking the SAT in September only because it was still a requirement for every school she wanted to apply to. And Zoe was hoping that if she got a high enough score that she might qualify for some merit-based scholarships too.
Zoe hadn’t heard anything about her college fund and she wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing, so she was trying to prepare for everything, make sure that the most expensive thing her and Evan would ever pay for (her college tuition) wasn’t too much of a burden. She hoped everything was okay but she didn’t want to mess with anything, alert her parents or something like that until it was closer to her birthday.
So that left her studying constantly for this dumb standardized test. She was forcing herself to study the other sections too, using Jared’s old books from last year while Willow took her early-morning nap. It was completely boring, but her practice scores were improving so Zoe was going to keep at it.
And she’d also been spending a lot of time practicing the guitar since it was the only instrument at her disposable right now. She would pick piano back up when she could use the school one, but she wanted to focus on guitar more anyways.
As soon as Willow was up from her morning nap, Zoe would play for her while she played on her little jungle-gym playmat, switching her from her back to her tummy halfway through her allotted 45 minutes to make sure Willow was working on her head control and having monitored tummy time.
It was really adorable to watch Willow listen contently while Zoe played, looking up between her and her dangly toys. And having more restrictions on when she could play made Zoe work harder and focus more, so she really felt like she was seeing and hearing improvements as she picked harder and harder songs to practice. All the small things she was noticing was making her even more excited to start applying to schools. This time next year her and Evan and Willow would be moving to a totally new place and starting a whole new chapter of their lives together. It always made her happy to think about the future in that way.
Then almost always right at that 45-minute mark, Willow would get a little fussy because she was hungry and wanted cuddles, so Zoe would stop and nurse her for as long as she wanted it, usually until she fell asleep again. Sometimes it was so hard to put her down after that, place her gently in the swing because Zoe just wanted to hold her and snuggle her and never do anything else but that. And some days she did just that, put on some stupid TV show and just held Willow as she slept.
But most days she had other responsibilities, so she’d strap Willow into the swing and start a load of laundry or do some dishes, one household task before going back to guitar. It was their morning routine if Evan wasn’t home, and Zoe really did love it. They changed it up a bit if he had the day off or worked a mid-day shift to include him more, but things generally stayed the same.
Zoe never let her sleep too long during her late-morning nap, mostly because she wanted to make sure she would nurse and not get too hungry or overtired later in the evening, so usually right around when Evan’s shift would end, she’d prep lunch then get Willow to nurse her again and they’d wait for Evan to get home, usually around 12:45.
Which was exactly what she was doing right now and she hoped Evan got home soon, mostly because she missed him, but also because she wanted to have time with him before they met up with Isaac and Lena. Zoe liked to hear about his day at work and Evan always wanted to know every little thing that Willow had done, even if it was just nurse, smile, poop, sleep.
“There they are, my two favorite girls,” Zoe hears Evan say as he came through the front door. They were pretty much always in the living room when Evan got home, but he always acted surprised to see them there, and so happy to see them.
“Hey Ev,” Zoe says moving her cheek so he could kiss her without disrupting Willow too much. Evan happily kisses her cheek and sets an iced latte next to her, telling her, “A latte for the best mom in the whole world and a little kiss for the best baby in the whole world.”
Zoe laughs as Evan kisses Willow’s head softly, making her unlatch and turn dramatically in the direction of her dad. She starts to smile though as she recognized Evan and Zoe knew she was done nursing for now, wouldn’t go back when she knew her dad was home. That was okay though because she hadn’t really been eating anymore, mostly sucking for comfort which Zoe let her do whenever she wanted that too.
“I’ll go wash my hands, then I can burp her,” Evan says, kissing them both one more time before heading into the kitchen to quickly rinse off any things he’d maybe come into contact with while at work. It gives Zoe time to adjust Willow and snap her bra and button her dress back up.
As soon as Evan’s back, Zoe passes Willow into his waiting arms and Zoe smiles at the ease that Evan interacted with his daughter. On autopilot he just grabs a burp cloth from the coffee table and coos to her before placing her over his shoulder and patting her back gently.
“How was work today? Anything interesting happen?” Zoe asks, tucking her feet underneath herself and grabbing the drink Evan had brought her. She always told him that he could use his drink benefit for himself, but he always without a doubt brought her something home from work, telling her that he’d rather she get something. Evan really was too sweet for his own good.
“It was good. We were really busy though, so I had to help take the drive-thru orders and I’m like not the best at that still. I think it’s getting easier, but when we’re busy it’s easy to mix up orders and some customers are nicer about it than others,” Evan tells her, and she gets the feeling that someone was not nice to him today and she hated that. Evan always tried his best and it was just coffee, people really didn’t need to yell at him or anyone else about it.
“Well I’m glad it was mostly good though. And I’m sure you’re getting way better Ev and like you really haven’t even worked there that long, you know? So it’ll definitely get easier the longer you do it. Did you at least get to work with Owen?” Zoe asks, trying to be encouraging as best she could, getting up from the armchair to go sit with him and Willow on the couch.
“No, not today but we overlap tomorrow which will be nice. And you’re right. I think I was just really distracted today, and it showed. I couldn’t stop thinking about getting home to you guys and going on our playdate. I think you’re going to love Lena and Isaac. And obviously Willow is the cutest baby ever, but Benji is pretty cute too,” Evan says, moving Willow to hold her normally after they both hear her little burp.
Evan tickles under her chin and continues to talk to her, telling her, “Isn’t that right Wills? You’re the cutest. Yep, the cutest in the whole wide world.”
Willow just makes a tiny gargle-y noise and shakes her fists at Evan, making Zoe think that she completely agreed with her dad. And it wasn’t like Evan was wrong, Willow was the cutest baby ever.
“I hope I like them,” Zoe says a little lackluster. She really did want to go, but now as it got closer she was getting more nervous and less excited.
“Zo, did you change your mind? We don’t have to go if you’re still not ready,” Evan tells her sincerely, using one hand to take hers and the other to keep Willow cradled close to him.
“No, no. We can still go, I’m just nervous. But I do think it’ll be really cute to see the babies together,” Zoe says, squeezing Evan’s hand and giving him a small smile so he’d know she was telling the truth. Zoe had promised herself that she’d do this for Evan when she was pregnant, and she was holding herself to that promise. She wanted to show him that even those she had some apprehension still; she was willing to try it out anyway. Zoe always wanted Evan to know that she’d try for him.
“It’s okay to be nervous, I mean I am too. It’s our first time doing something like this, and we don’t know what to expect, but I think it’ll be really fun,” Evan says hopefully, matching her little smile, tugging her closer to him and Willow.
“Yeah, you’re right Ev,” Zoe tells him, kissing his cheek playfully, before asking, “Do you want to change before we go? I can finish packing up the snacks and the baby bag. Will nursed for a good 20 minutes so she should be good for a bit.”
“Okay, yeah I’ll go change and then put her in the carseat,” Evan says, squeezing her hand before letting go and getting up from the couch with Willow. Evan confidently changes Willow’s position so that he was holding her better and walks off to their room without thinking about it.
But Zoe was thinking about it. Any time Evan did something like that with the baby, it was a serious turn on for her. Sexy, strong, confident dad was a look Evan wore well and she loved it. Her 6-week appointment could not come soon enough.
Zoe shakes her lusty thoughts out of her head though and gets their lunch and the baby bag ready. To Willow’s bag she adds more diapers and double checks that everything they needed was there, a clean pacifier, their Sofie the Giraffe, an extra onesie, an extra swaddle, her nursing cover, extra wipes, hand sanitizer, all the random stuff they kept in the baby bag. Her and Evan definitely overpacked it constantly, but both of them were always worried about not having something if they needed it. But Evan’s backpack (which they’d conveniently turned into a baby bag) had lots of room for all the stuff they lugged around anytime they left the house.
When Zoe’s satisfied that the baby bag was sufficiently packed, she heads to the kitchen to quickly make some peanut butter sandwiches and put some goldfish and grapes in tupperwares. The lunch they were bringing was simple, but also really fast and cheap. Zoe tried to keep healthy food even though she wasn’t pregnant anymore because she still needed to eat more often because she breastfed Willow.
And just like when she was early pregnant, she was still craving peanut butter. It always tasted so good, and Zoe could take solace in the fact it was filled with protein and healthy fats for Willow.
Zoe sets her and Evan’s lunch into a grocery bag and places it by the baby bag and the carseat so they wouldn’t forget it. But opposite to what she was expecting, Evan was not back in the entry way clipping Willow into the carseat, making her wonder where they were. A tiny part of her starts to panic, thinking that something was wrong, so she basically runs to their room to check on them.
And when she comes barreling into the room, she finds Evan holding Willow in his lap on her back, tickling her arms and pretending to eat her toes, making Willow laugh uncontrollably.
It was the sweetest thing ever and instantly calms her down. And her heart probably doubles at the look of pure joy on Evan’s face. These were the little moments that she’d cherish forever.
“Get distracted?” Zoe laughs, walking up to them, kneeling on the ground besides Evan’s legs so she was face-to-face with Willow.
“Yeah, we did. Sorry Zo,” Evan says sheepishly, making no move to get them back on track with their plans. It was okay though, chances were Isaac and Lena were running a little late too with a 2-month-old.
“It’s okay. It’s a miracle that we get anything done ever. I mean look at that smile,” Zoe says, unable to keep herself from dramatically kissing both of Willow’s chubby cheeks, making her laugh even more and wave her arms around.
“It’s the same as your smile,” Evan says softly and Zoe might as well melt completely into a puddle on their bedroom floor. How did Evan always know exactly what to say to make her fall even more in love with him?
Zoe was finally starting to accept that Willow really did look a lot like her, even with her blue eyes that had not changed at all since she was born. But there were hints of Evan in her and especially in her personality which Zoe thought was even better.
Zoe can feel herself blushing from Evan’s sweet words and she kisses the side of his knee gently, the only place she could reach while kneeling next to Willow, but she can see the faint blush appearing on Evan too, even though she kissed him all the time. And Zoe’s not sure she wants to go anymore actually, because who would want to leave this moment?
But Evan probably wanted them to keep their promise to his friends and he returns his attention back to Willow and asks her, “Are you ready for the park Willow?”
“I think we are Daddy. And ready to meet our new baby bestie. But we have to leave soon, or else Mama might not let me go, might want to snuggle me all day long,” Zoe says, speaking in her baby voice as Willow back to Evan, letting the baby grab onto her hand so she could wiggle it up and down in agreement.
“Okay let’s go then,” Evan tells them, carefully cradling Willow before standing up, then offering his hand out to Zoe to help her up, keeping them laced tightly as they walked back out to the living room.
“Zo, is it my turn to drive or yours? I can’t remember,” Evan asks and honestly Zoe couldn’t remember either. They took turns driving and sitting in the back with Willow because they were worried that she’d be afraid if she couldn’t see either of them. If Willow was already sleep then they sat up front together, but that was a rare occurrence because Willow did not particularly like the carseat.
“I don’t know, but I’ll just drive and you can sit with her. I know how much you missed her,” Zoe says sweetly, knowing how hard it was for Evan to leave her for work. Zoe rarely spent any time away from her daughter, and even when she did, they were both still in the same place and Zoe could get to her instantly. Evan didn’t really get that opportunity.
“Okay, thanks Zo. Oh I know Will, we don’t like the carseat,” Evan says talking to her and then to Willow as her face scrunched up, figuring out exactly where Evan was trying to put her. But it’s so cute as Evan soothes her, popping a clean pacifier into her mouth, before securely clipping her in, saying, “But yeah we like the paci. That’s what I thought. A paci can solve anything.”
Zoe just smiles and grabs the grocery bag as Evan took the baby and their baby bag out to the car, leaving her to lock up and get in the driver’s seat. Their carseat system was super easy and just snapped into the base, making traveling with Willow super easy, especially since Evan had been a little bit wrong, sometimes a pacifier could not solve anything, like car trips home after shots at the doctor’s, something Zoe was not looking forward to doing again soon.
Thankfully the park they were going to wasn’t that far away so they wouldn’t be in the car for that long. But Zoe can’t help herself as she glances back into the rearview mirror often, watching Evan and Willow interact together. She loved her little family so much. There was really no other but Evan that she wanted this with. No other person could ever be as good of a dad as Evan was. Zoe was really, really lucky.
Zoe pulls into the tiny parking lot of the park and is glad it wasn’t too crowded, just a few families. She grabs the grocery bag and waits for Evan to emerge with Willow and the baby bag before locking their car and taking his hand.
She could see two people and a carseat, which probably had to be Lena and Isaac and Benji (who else would be on a blanket underneath a tree) as they walked into the park and she starts to get a little nervous again, squeezing Evan’s hand for support. She could do this. These people were nice to Evan and they’d be nice to her too.
Evan brings their intertwined hands to his mouth and lightly kisses hers before smiling and guiding her gently to his friends. Zoe can even see him attempt to wave with the hand that was carrying Willow, so he didn’t have to let go of hers.
“Hi guys! Zoe, this is Isaac and Lena and of course their son Benji. And Lena, Isaac, this is Zoe and Willow,” Evan says confidently, the only time Zoe can ever remember him getting through an introduction like that. He told her he was nervous, but he didn’t seem like it at all, which made her happy. If Evan was sure of himself, she could be too.
“I’m so happy we’re finally able to actually meet up! Evan’s been telling us about you forever,” Lena says excitedly, clapping a little bit, but making no move to like hug Zoe or Evan as they sat down, which Zoe appreciated.
“Hopefully only the good things,” Zoe laughs, playfully kissing Evan’s hand this time. She knew exactly how much Evan loved her and he would never say anything bad about her to anyone, even if they were fighting or something bad happened. He would never want anyone thinking less of her. She was the same way though, only ever telling people how wonderful he was to her and to Willow.
“I mean, Isaac better talk about me the way Evan talks about you is all I’m saying,” Lena laughs and Zoe can already feel herself calming down. Zoe liked Lena, she was bubbly and nice so far, and Isaac reminded her of Evan, quiet but happily following along with the conversation, gently rocking their son in his carseat.
“I um, I really like your hair. It’s pretty,” Zoe says noticing that it was a different color from the pink and purple that Evan had said she had. It looked newly dyed though, so Evan probably just didn’t know about the update. But Zoe loved colored hair and thought it was awesome.
“Thank you! I took six weeks off after Benji was born and I was finally able to get back into the salon, get my hands on the good stuff. And I needed a refresh, teal is very summery to me,” Lena tells her, shaking her hair to make it fan out so Zoe could see the different layers of color.
“It is. One time I put indigo streaks all through my hair and I think Evan was probably the only one who noticed,” Zoe says, squeezing his hand again. Her parents had hated that she put purple in her hair, only agreeing to let her dye it because they thought she was doing a more natural ombre, but she had absolutely adored it. Cynthia eventually had her dye it back to her normal color and hadn’t let Zoe go to the salon on her own again.
“Yeah because they were super cool,” Evan says, playfully nudging her until she smiled, as he continued to watch over Willow who had fallen asleep in the carseat.
“Lena dyes her hair all the time and I think Benji is finally getting used to the new color,” Isaac says, the first thing he’d really said the whole time. But it was okay, he, like Evan, appeared to be on baby duty, making sure that Benji was still asleep and didn’t need anything.
“Zo, maybe you could add some color in sometime again too, that would be cool,” Evan offers, and Zoe hadn’t thought about that in quite a while, but that would be nice. It felt like a little more true to herself, a way of expressing the Zoe she hadn’t shown to anyone but Evan.
“I can do it if you want to, just let me know. I love experimenting with new colors,” Lena tells her and Zoe finds herself nodding in agreement, saying, “Um, okay, totally. Thank you.”
Maybe she could do it right before school started? Give her something to look forward to involving school? She’d need it to fade or she’d have to re-dye it before her school interviews and in-person auditions though, but those would hopefully be in January, giving her plenty of time. She really had loved her streaks and would love to see herself with them again.
Evan’s about to say something when they all hear a very loud, “Wahhhhhhhhhh,” coming from little Benji, but Isaac is right there, scooping him out of his carseat asking him, “Oh Benj, why are you so upset little bud?”
As soon as he’s in his dad’s arms, Benji stops crying and just wiggles in closer and Zoe thought it was so sweet. Isaac seemed like a great dad like Evan.
“So Willow is the exact same way. If she’s not sleeping she wants to be with one of us,” Evan says and Zoe knew that better even better than Evan did, nodding along with him. Willow needed them and they were never going to not be there for her.
“I posted about that recently, thinking it was so cute. But holy shit no one else thought that. All these people were like, ‘you’re just spoiling him’ and ‘he needs to cry it out’ and stuff like that. Like he’s a baby, he needs to be comforted,” Lena rants a little bit and Zoe could see why she was so annoyed. She was sure if she was posting things, people like her grandma or her aunts would be saying the same things, critiquing every decision she made about her own kid.
“We try to stay off social media mostly, but I can totally see people saying shit like that. The number of times strangers just like offer unsolicited advice when Willow cries once in a store is nuts. Like back off, I’m her mom, I know what she needs,” Zoe says completely empathizing with Lena’s story. She hated when people would say stuff to her when she was pregnant, but she especially hated it now that Willow was here, even if she was better at ignoring it all.
Lena agrees with her and the four of them continue to talk and eat their lunch, letting Zoe get to know Isaac and Lena better and them get to know her too. And Zoe thinks it’s going really well because she was enjoying herself fully. She was immensely glad that she’d trusted Evan and met his friends.
Lena and Isaac were very similar to them as a couple and had similar thoughts about parenting which made for really good conversation. But what Zoe liked the most was definitely how not judge-y they were about parenting and if they knew about the Connor Project, they didn’t once bring it up. They understood her and Evan’s point of view and never made her feel bad about still being in high school when she complained about it. It seemed like they both had gone through similar stuff as her and Evan and enjoyed being around another young couple with a baby.
There were also things that they were doing that Zoe really admired. Like the way Lena just started feeding Benji, no cover and with all the confidence in the world. Or the way Isaac got her pump ready for her when Benji only wanted one side.
And Zoe really liked that they didn’t say a single thing or make any weird glances at her or Willow when it was also time for Willow to eat and Zoe did use a cover and didn’t switch sides.
There was not an ounce of mom/parent-shaming in either direction, and Zoe loved it.
Zoe was having an incredible time and she could even see the six of them doing this often, having weekend meet-ups and real playdates as the babies got bigger. She could even see herself hanging out with Lena and the babies or just Lena too. It’d been a long time since she’d had a girlfriend (Clara was nice but her and Jared hadn’t talked much since school let out) and it was refreshing.
This was just adding to her happiness, realizing she had this too, in addition to having Evan and her perfect Willow, and her best friend Jared. There were a lot of horrible people out there, but there were some good ones too, people who were going to add to her life and add to Evan’s and Willow’s and she was proud of herself for finally seeing that.
Zoe’s a little lost in the conversation they were having, agreeing to setting up the babies for pictures, so she’s completely thrown off when she hears her phone go off, telling her she had a new text message right as she grabs it from her bag. The only people who ever texted her were Heidi or Jared (and Evan obviously but he didn’t send her anything right now) and they both knew that her and Evan were meeting friends. So who would it be?
Zoe’s completely shocked to see that it was her mom.
Since Willow had been born, Zoe had kept her distance from her parents. She’d taken a lot of time thinking about everything that happened at the hospital and everything that Evan had said and had decided to keep things separate for now. She had talked to them a few times on the phone though and sent them a couple pictures of her, Evan, and Willow as a little family, but nothing more than that. And those few occasions were mostly to test what they would do, see if they said anything about Evan or anything rude.
They usually just complimented Willow and said how sweet she was. Zoe by no means was expecting a dinner invitation from them out of the blue.
“Zo, is everything okay?” Evan asks her, keeping his voice low as Lena took pictures of Benji and Willow laying together. He was clearly worried about whatever she’d seen and did not like that she went completely silent after checking her phone.
“Yeah it is. Sorry for being weird. It was just my parents, they want to have dinner sometime this week,” Zoe says, explaining what had happened to Evan and to Lena and Isaac too, once they realized Zoe hadn’t joined in on the posing and picture taking of Benji and Willow.
“That’s nice of them. My parents love seeing Benji when we come over,” Lena says, not really picking up on Evan or hers stunned reactions. Zoe forgot sometimes that other people had good relationships with their parents.
“Um, it’s a little more complicated with my parents,” Zoe admits, not really worried about keeping her disastrous relationship with her parents a secret, but not really wanting to get into everything that happened right now. Even with these people she now considered her friends. It simply wasn’t the time and she didn’t want to ruin a really good afternoon.
“Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I don’t know,” Lena says apologizing, feeling bad that she’d brought up her parents when Zoe mentioned hers. Zoe didn’t mind though, how could Lena have known that not all dinner invitations could be perceived as genuine?
“No Lena it’s okay. Really. It’s more me, I guess. We hadn’t talked in a long time, until Willow was born, and I just don’t really know how I feel about it all,” Zoe confesses, leaning into Evan and picking up Willow to cuddle. A little part of her wanted her parents back in her life even after everything but the bigger part of her was too nervous to do more than send a few pictures.
“I lived with Lena for a little bit after we started dating in high school because of my parents, but I’m really happy we have a relationship now. I know you didn’t ask for it, but my advice would be to take it in as many steps as you need. Like if you want to see them, maybe suggest dinner out in like a neutral spot and maybe keep Willow out of it for now,” Isaac tells them softly, and Zoe actually really appreciated it. Lena and Isaac had problems with their parents too, and weirdly that makes her feel better. And Isaac seemed to understand how she was feeling even with neither of them fully explaining their situations.
But he made a really good point. And maybe she could get to the point with her own parents where she was happy with their relationship too. Maybe this was where that started?
Zoe did not want to have dinner at their house though and she wasn’t sure about letting them see Willow either. Her mom had acted shifty in the hospital and it was a privilege to see and hold and love on Willow, a privilege that her parents had not earned back.
Maybe she’d get the chance to hear more about when she’d been a baby though. Maybe she’d finally be able to compare herself to her own daughter, learn the things she so desperately wanted to share with Willow when she was older. Zoe could even give them more details about Willow, tell them what a good job she and Evan had been doing? Maybe this could even segue into them forgiving Evan or just being a little bit nicer to him?
“No, thank you Isaac. That was really helpful. It’s so hard knowing what the right thing to do is,” Zoe tells them and Zoe can see Evan nodding at her in addition to give her hip a little squeeze.
Zoe knew that it was also really hard on Evan having to deal with her parents. He didn’t want to see her get hurt again, but she knew he wanted more than anything to be supportive of her. Evan told her that at the hospital and she believed him fully. And that wasn’t even considering his own wrecked relationship with her parents.
“Shit, I didn’t see the time. We probably have to go soon because I have to work tonight,” Isaac says and Zoe sees that it was nearing 5 and they’d been there for almost 4 hours.
“Oh no worries, this was so fun though. We should do it again sometime,” Zoe says, brightening her tone so that Lena and Isaac would know that she meant it. Even with the more serious talk about her parents dampening the mood towards the end. Zoe really would like to see them again.
“Definitely! And seriously Zoe, let me know if you want something new with your hair,” Lena says, giving Zoe a little hug that she actually accepts.
“I will, I’ll text you if I see some inspiration photos,” Zoe tells her as she pulls out of their hug, moving to get off the blanket and help pack up their stuff with Evan.
“Okay see you guys soon,” Isaac tells them at the same time Lena moves Benji’s little hand to wave to Willow, saying, “Say bye to Willow Benj.”
Zoe does the same thing with Willow’s little arm in her carseat and laughs a cute, “Bye, bye Benji.”
“We’ll text you guys soon, have a good rest of your night,” Evan says, waving to them as Lena and Isaac walked in a different direction to their car. And Zoe’s honestly really excited to be alone again so that she could gush to Evan about what a wonderful time she had.
“That was really fun Ev, thank you for setting it up,” Zoe says, kissing him chastely and wrapping him into a hug before they put Willow in the car.
“I’m so glad you like them Zo,” Evan tells her, pecking her lips one more time, smiling brightly at her. She knew he was feeling proud of himself, for finding new friends for the both of them, right when they probably needed them the most.
“I wish I would’ve listened to you sooner though,” Zoe says, wondering what it would have been like if she had another person to talk to those final months of her pregnancy. Evan had wanted her to meet Lena and Isaac in April, but she’d said no because she’d been too afraid.
“Don’t say that Zo. You just didn’t know and that’s okay. I’d rather us be more careful with who we let into our lives than not, especially now that Will is here,” Evan tells her, tucking her hair behind her ear gently. Evan was right, she couldn’t be upset with herself for something she hadn’t known about. But she could be happy that they had it now.
And maybe that same logic could apply to her parents?
“Yeah, you’re right Ev, which I guess then, what do you think about getting dinner with my parents?” Zoe asks hesitantly, not because she was worried about Evan’s answer, but because she was worried about her own.
“I will go with you if you want to see them because you’re not going alone. And I think the same as what Isaac said, that if we see them, Willow shouldn’t come, at least not for a while. I still feel uneasy about how your mom was at the hospital with her Zo,” Evan tells her, and Zoe was thinking along the same path. She wasn’t going to be alone with her parents and she only wanted to share photos and stories about Willow right now.
“I agree with you and I don’t think they’ve earned the right to see her. And I don’t know Ev, is it horrible that I’m a little glad that they’re reaching out? After everything they did?” Zoe asks, feeling herself get a little bit emotional. She hadn’t cried because she was sad since Willow was born, only happy tears, and she didn’t want to start now.
“No Zo, not at all. There’s still a little bitty piece of me that would be so excited if my dad texted me, even though I came to terms a long time ago with the fact that he wasn’t part of my life and had done bad things to me and my mom. They’re your parents Zo, I think you might always feel a little connected to them,” Evan tells her, finally clicking Willow into the base because she was sleeping, before holding her again and finishing, “I just think that if you want to pursue this, we just need ground rules. Like no Willow, not at either of our houses, never either of us alone. Honestly it would make me more comfortable if we had someone else with us too if we eventually took Willow to see them, like Jared or Shana or my mom. It’s maybe a little excessive, but I don’t want to put your or Willow’s safety at risk.”
“I don’t think it’s excessive Ev, really. I think these are good boundaries to set for now. I really don’t want them to be around Willow ever if they can’t make things up to me first. And I think I want to test the waters, see what happens and I’m so thankful that you’ll do this with me Evan, that you understand,” Zoe says, hugging him tightly and nuzzling herself into the crook of his neck. Zoe wasn’t sure what it would be like to see both her parents again, but she felt more secure this time and she knew her and Evan were different now. They could stand up to them if they needed to.
“Of course Zo, like I said before, I’ll support you through this if you want it, as long as I don’t think you or Willow are in danger. We can see if Jared and Shana can maybe babysit for us and then maybe you can text them back? How does that sound?” Evan asks her, giving her an encouraging smile and placing a soft kiss to her forehead. Her favorite way that he kissed her when he was trying to be comforting.
“It sounds good. I love you so much,” Zoe says, kissing Evan properly, hoping that Willow was still asleep and oblivious to her parents little meeting in front of the car. She hadn’t made a peep yet though, so Zoe thinks they might stay a little bit longer as Evan whispers in her ear, “I love you even more Zoe.”
==
Evan was feeling incredibly nervous, and he knew it was specifically because of two things happening today, him and Zoe were meeting her parents for dinner and they were leaving Willow with a babysitter for the first time ever.
His anxiety honestly had not been that bad since Willow was born and he thinks it’s because he’s never been happier in his life. He loved being a dad and he loved his daughter more than anything.
But he promised Zoe he’d help her through this and he knew it was for the best that Willow not come. Zoe needed him in order to see her parents and he was not going to let her down, or ever let her see them alone. He would probably hold a grudge against them for his entire life for what they’d done to Zoe, for what they let Connor do to her, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t help Zoe.
And he was probably more nervous about seeing Cynthia and Larry than he was about leaving Willow. They were trying to time it so that Willow would nurse then be basically asleep the whole time Jared and Shana were watching her. If she was awake or needed more milk, they had prepped two bottles and packed all of her favorite things, had even considered bringing her swing to the Kleinman’s but decided last minute it was too much. They would only be gone for like two hours and Willow would be fine. Shana would take good care of her and Jared would also be there.
Jared was great with Willow, but everyone felt better knowing Shana was there too, just in case anything did happen. They’d driven away about 15 minutes ago and so far there hadn’t been any emergency calls.
“How are you feeling Zo?” Evan asks pulling into a parking spot and turning off their car, hoping that focusing on Zoe and helping her would make him forget about his own anxieties about tonight.
“Scared mostly, but a little bit hopeful. They said they were already there, that we should just go inside,” Zoe says, nervously wringing her hands in her lap, a habit that she’d picked up from him when he was really anxious.
“Okay, we can go inside in just a second, let’s take this moment together here first and remember that we’re in this together. I will follow your lead and I will help you through this. I love you more than anything,” Evan says calmly, guiding them through a couple deep breaths, for both their benefit. He takes Zoe’s hands too and squeezes them reassuringly, hoping that Zoe felt a little bit better.
He thinks Dr. Sherman would be pretty proud of him right now, taking control of his anxiety and working through it instead of letting it take control. The breathing was a newer technique they’d been working on and he shared it a few weeks ago with Zoe, hoping she might use it too if she felt anxious.
“And anytime you want to leave just, um, just squeeze my hand twice in a row and we’ll go right then and there, no questions asked, okay?” Evan asks her, liking that Zoe did seem a little calmer after their quick moment together. He really wanted to make this as easy as possible tonight.
“Okay, I will. And this might be a good thing, we can do this,” Zoe says, giving him a little smile and Evan really hopes for Zoe that she was right. He wanted this to be a good thing, he wanted her to be able to have some sort of a relationship with them because she wanted it, but he had a lot of reservations himself.
He could be supportive and skeptical at the same time.
But he doesn’t voice that, simply smiles and kisses Zoe softly before getting out and quickly opening her door for her. Zoe smiles sweetly back at him and takes his hand confidently, guiding them both into the restaurant.
They’d picked out a pizza place from Isaac’s recommendation, saying that it was the first place he reconnected with his parents and Zoe thought that was good energy and he agreed. And even if they were seeing Larry and Cynthia tonight, Evan was still a little excited to be going out to dinner in general. They really never did at all and he was excited to get pizza and Zoe had told him the same this morning.
They both loved pizza and thought it’d be fun to try a new place and this restaurant was in their budget, unlike the place Cynthia and Larry had suggested when Zoe agreed to dinner if they went out to eat. And so far, there hadn’t been any comments (at least through text messages) about the “health” of the place they’d chosen.
Evan would most definitely not let Cynthia or Larry shame Zoe tonight about eating. She had been extra sensitive about her body since having Willow and he wasn’t going to let her confidence drop at all by the hand of her parents.
Evan squeezes Zoe’s hand tightly as they walk in and see Zoe’s parents already seated in the back. They both wave timidly, weaving through all the tables to go sit with her parents, and Evan takes a few more deep breaths and he hopes Zoe does too.
Evan sees a look of confusion flash over both Cynthia and Larry’s faces and he just knows it’s because they were expecting Willow and don’t see her. And he might have been too far away but he swears he sees that same angry look on Cynthia’s face again. Maybe they were both wrong and this was a horrible idea. They’d been there for five whole seconds and Evan was already uneasy.
“Hi Zoe-bug! Where’s Willow? I hope you didn’t leave her in the car,” Cynthia laughs like she was joking but Evan just knows she’s not. She actually thought that they would leave their almost seven-week-old baby in a car alone. They were not irresponsible parents, and they weren’t neglectful. Him and Zoe were not her and Larry.
“She’s with a friend while we’re at dinner,” Zoe says seriously and Evan knows she also didn’t appreciate her parents insinuating that they would ever put Willow in danger, even if she had been “joking”.
“That doesn’t seem the safest, she’s so young,” Larry says and Evan doesn’t think he’s ever heard Larry actually sound concerned. Was this the kind of dad he was when Zoe and Connor had been little, actually involved?
“I think she’s plenty safe,” Zoe counters back and Evan was proud of her for sticking up for their decisions. Ones they only had to make because the Murphy’s had suggested dinner. Willow would be at home with them right now, getting ready for a little bubble bath if they weren’t here.
“But you said friend though, you left her with another teenager? That can’t be good,” Cynthia asks, acting as if teenagers weren’t like the number one source of babysitters. Or like Willow’s actual parents were still teenagers and managed to take care of perfectly fine.
“No, we didn’t. And Willow is fine. You know what, maybe this was all a mistake,” Zoe says, and she hadn’t squeezed his hand yet, but maybe she didn’t need to. It didn’t seem like Zoe needed him to swoop in, she seemed just fine leaving on her own.
“No Zoe, sit please,” Cynthia says nicely, making Zoe pause, listening as Larry says, “We’re just concerned. That’s our grandbaby after all.”
Zoe sits back down, so he does too, but he did not like this at all so far. They barely acknowledged Zoe, implied already that they were bad parents (as if they were good ones), and once again Cynthia and now Larry were hyper-focused on Willow. And he wasn’t buying the concerned grandparent act either. Concerned parents didn’t push pregnant girls and potentially harm the baby they told Zoe she shouldn’t have. Where was the concern for Willow then?
“Why don’t you just tell us more about Willow? Is she smiling yet?” Cynthia asks and the same reflex that made Evan not want to tell Cynthia Willow’s name at the hospital was kicking in now. He didn’t want to share a single thing about Willow, not when they hadn’t even asked how Zoe was yet.
“Yeah, she smiles a lot, especially at Evan,” Zoe says proudly, and he knows she did it on purpose, to see what they’d do and they look to him like they were realizing he was there for the first time all night. And they did not look pleased, more like baffled that anyone, even a baby, would look to Evan and smile.
“That’s just great,” Cynthia says tightly and maybe Evan understood social cues better than he previously thought, or Cynthia was doing a bad job at hiding the fact that they were only being nice so Zoe would stay. Whatever though, they would probably never change their opinion of him, and he didn’t really care. Evan wasn’t searching for their love and approval anymore.
“She smiles at you too Zo, especially when you sing to her,” Evan says, more to Zoe than to Cynthia and Larry. He would never miss an opportunity to tell Zoe all the amazing things he saw when he was watching her and Willow together. Zoe was an incredible mom and Willow loved her more than anything in the world.
“You know Connor loved when we sang to him at this age. He would laugh and laugh and he was just so cute,” Cynthia says and it’s like the hospital all over again. Did Cynthia really not have enough tact to not mention Connor? Did she not realize that if she was going to talk about a baby, it should be Zoe? Did she not even remember Zoe’s milestones at all?
“Could we maybe not talk about Connor?” Zoe asks quietly and Evan can see the look of sadness in her eyes and hated that Cynthia and Larry apparently didn’t. And he’s about to say something, stand up for Zoe and second the idea that they really didn’t need to mention Connor, when he’s interrupted by the waiter showing up and asking them, “Are you all ready to order?”
“Yeah, thank you. We’ll have just a pepperoni pizza, medium,” Zoe says, ordering for the both of them. And she looked grateful actually that the waiter came, that Cynthia was disrupted from talking about Connor naturally because it didn’t seem like she heard Zoe’s request at all. Or chose to ignore it.
“I’ll have a house salad, with the dressing on the side,” Cynthia orders looking harshly to Larry as he unhappily orders, “A Greek salad please.”
“And is water okay for the table?” the waiter asks them and Zoe’s about to answer yes, when Cynthia cuts her off pointing to the wine list, telling him, “A bottle of this cabernet sauvignon.”
Evan did not like that the Murphy’s were drinking. Heidi had never been a big drinker as he grew up, probably because his dad had been and from everything that Zoe told him, her house was always worse for her anytime her parents drank. Her mom had been drinking red wine when she found that onesie and Evan would never allow something like to happen to Zoe again.
“Okay, those will be out shortly,” the waiter tells them before walking off into the kitchen leaving them alone once more.
“Is pizza really what you wanted dear? You know eating dairy makes babies fussy,” Cynthia criticizes, the way Evan just knew she was going to. Anything Zoe ate or took joy in had something wrong with it and Evan was tired of it. He’d chastised Cynthia at the hospital, and he would do it again.
“Willow hasn’t had any issues and the pediatrician said not to switch anything out of her diet. It’s fine to eat dairy,” Evan says, moving his thumb back and forth over Zoe’s hand. He wanted to comfort her but also give his mind something tactical to do so he didn’t completely blow up at Zoe’s parents, causing a scene.
“So you’re still breastfeeding then? You kept that up?” Cynthia asks, giving away that she assumed Zoe wasn’t anymore, probably primed and ready to say something rude about formula.
“Yeah,” Zoe says shortly, probably figuring the same thing as him. There wasn’t anything wrong with formula, it was even something they’d talked to Lena and Isaac about too. The debate about formula versus breast milk was stupid in all of their opinions.
“That’s great. It’s really the best thing for the baby even if it’s hard,” Cynthia says, making Evan wonder if it was hard for Cynthia which was why she was so caught up on it? Evan read all the books and articles, he knew it wasn’t easy, that Willow and Zoe lucked out, but now he was starting to see a new shade of emotion on Cynthia. Competitiveness and jealousy.
She wanted to make sure Zoe didn’t do better than her at raising Willow. And that was horrible. Cynthia should just be happy that both Zoe and Willow were thriving.
“It’s not hard, for me or for Willow,” Zoe says proudly and maybe Evan was feeling competitive too because he was really glad that Zoe was “winning”.
“Even better. We want that baby as healthy as can be,” Larry says jovially and his tone and his body language, just everything he just did was setting off alarm bells in Evan’s head. He didn’t know what it meant, but something was off and he hated that he couldn’t figure out what.
“So Evan do you have a job? Are you working to support them?” Cynthia asks callously, completely out of the blue, which throws Evan off completely.
They hadn’t said a word to him the whole night and he expected them not to at this point so he’s so flustered that he can’t even string together a full sentence, just opening and closing his mouth in fear. Like 11th grad English all over again.
“Hmmmph, so I guess that’s a no. We can at least pay for dinner then, since you can’t,” Cynthia says and he still can’t seem to get his brain to form words, muster up some form of defense. It was so much easier when he was defending Zoe and not himself.
“What the hell Mom? Why would you say that? Evan has a great job, and he works really hard. He has benefits for Willow, and he pays for all of our things, tonight’s dinner included. Evan is an amazing dad and an amazing boyfriend,” Zoe says both angrily and proudly. Now it was her who was running her thumb back and forth, trying to comfort him. One of his greatest fears was that he wouldn’t be able to provide for Willow and Zoe that he’d be like his own dad. And it did not feel good having someone accuse him of doing just that.
“We’re just curious. And it’s a little hard to believe all things considered. We want to make sure Willow is okay,” Cynthia tells them and Evan knows if that was really true, they wouldn’t have kicked Zoe out or done all the other vindictive things they had. Why had they even asked Zoe to dinner?
“I work hard, and Willow has everything she needs. And Zoe does too, in case you were concerned,” Evan says, finally finding his words. He tried his best to care for his family and he was proud of himself. Larry and Cynthia Murphy weren’t going to take that from him.
“That’s great and is Heidi still in school? Or still a nurse’s assistant?” Larry asks and all Evan can think of is when he was trying to offer Heidi a paralegal position at his firm, just to basically bribe her. He didn’t know why he was bringing up his mom, but it was another thing that Evan didn’t like.
“She’s interning this summer and fall,” Zoe answers neutrally and Evan’s considering squeezing her hand twice, even though they had already ordered food and they would be really rude to the restaurant.
“Well that was fast, thank you so much,” Cynthia says as the waiter appeared suddenly with their food and the wine that the Murphy’s had ordered.
“Thank you,” Zoe says kindly to the waiter as he set the pizza between the two of them. And Evan watches as Zoe just sits back, not reaching for the pizza at all. He knew she had to be hungry because she nursed Willow right before they left and she hadn’t even had a snack.
Evan’s worried it’s because Cynthia was watching her, so he puts a piece on his plate and moves it to in front of her, swapping out her empty one to use as his now, adding two pieces just to hopefully annoy Cynthia. Zoe gives him a small smile and starts to nibble on her pizza, which Evan would take. It was better than her not eating at all.
Evan was enjoying the silence actually as Larry poured their wine and him and Cynthia stabbed at and pushed around their measly salads and he kind of wished the entirety of dinner had gone like this, even if the silence was palpable.
Zoe was about halfway through her pizza slice, which was encouraging to him that they might actually get through this whole thing. Zoe hadn’t done the double squeeze yet but Evan couldn’t quite tell all the way what was going through Zoe’s head, if she had a reason for staying or not.
He doesn’t get a chance to find out because Cynthia starts the conversation again saying, “So those pictures you sent us, Willow is just so adorable in them. Her eyes are so blue, just like...”
And Evan swears to god if she was about to say Connor, they were leaving. Getting up and walking out entirely.
“Mine when I was a baby,” Cynthia finishes with a small smile that Evan thinks is actually sincere, and it makes him remember that Cynthia had blue eyes and it was probably how Willow had inherited them.
“Do you have any pictures of you or of me Mom? I would like to show them to Willow at some point, keep them for her. Does Grandma Susan have any of you Dad?” Zoe asks hopefully and Evan thinks this was the moment she was hoping for, a different way to feel connected to her family and when she was really little.
“I’ll ask her and see if she still has them, probably has to dust off the ol’ cobwebs though,” Larry laughs and Evan knows it wasn’t good, all the emotions they’d cycled through tonight, but that little glimmer of hope in her eyes is completely worth it.
“And yes I do, a bunch of old ones and even some of Gran when she was a little girl too. I’ll find yours too. Then maybe you could bring Willow over and we’ll go through them all, that sounds fun, right?” Cynthia says and Evan gets the feeling he was not invited to this, but he was going to go too, maybe with his own baby photos and mom in tow.
“Um, yeah, I think so. That could be nice,” Zoe tells them and it’s the first little smile that Evan’s seen on her face since they got there. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that Cynthia knew exactly what she was doing, toying with Zoe emotions like this, but he didn’t want to ruin this for her.
Maybe it’s be okay though? All he had to do was stay with Zoe, be the voice of reason and keep all their ground rules in place. He would keep Zoe and Willow protected at all costs; nothing would stop him from that. But what if Zoe could get both things? What if she could reconnect with her parents and keep them at a safe distance? Maybe it would be worth it.
It didn’t change the fact that Evan didn’t trust Cynthia or Larry in slightest and neither did Zoe. They trusted each other though, and as long as they stayed vigilant nothing bad would happen.