Archive of Our Own

It was known to the members of the Black Jackals that Sakusa Kiyoomi wasn’t the type of person to disclose much about his private life. They’ve known the young man for a bit over half a year now, and pretty much all they could figure out during his time as a player in MSBY was basic information about him - and that he would be willing to do you a favor in return of receiving Umeboshi. 

Despite Sakusa being a rather reserved person, he was still great company. As much as he expressed his aversion to the big get togethers that their captain Meian planned once a month, Sakusa always ended up coming after all, much to the members’ delight actually, and he was having a decent time at the end. He wasn't a big talker, but you could see when he was enjoying himself around people. 

See, Sakusa thought of himself as a good listener instead and no matter what topic was brought onto the table, he always looked quite interested in what the other person had to tell him. He had to admit that he wasn’t the best at giving out advice, but still he became some sort of a comforting presence to his teammates, especially among the younger players in MSBY. Their hangouts simply didn't feel the same without Sakusa there. That’s what Oliver had once told him when he was contemplating whether to tag along for the night or not. Sometimes, Sakusa felt out of place among all his outgoing and loud teammates because he couldn’t show his excitement as much as others. But he did enjoy being part of the team, and up to this day he didn’t regret joining the Jackals.

On the other hand, Sakusa didn’t talk about himself when he was around the other members. It wasn’t that nobody wanted to get to know him, but that he kept his answers brief in fear of having too much attention on him. Bokuto liked to joke that Sakusa was in fact a secret agent to lighten the mood every now and then and explained that this is why Sakusa couldn't talk about any personal information. As if he signed a non-disclosure agreement, or something like that. Of course, Sakusa wasn’t a secret agent. He did have a secret that he hasn’t shared with his teammates yet, though - and some members already picked up on that.

Or was it really a secret when nobody had asked him about it before?

Sometimes during practice, Sakusa received sudden phone calls, even though coach Foster made up a strict “No Phones During Practice” rule, meaning that their phones were to be put on silent. He was usually the last person to break such a simple rule. But he did, which made their captain sceptical of what could be so important during training that Sakusa had to pick up the phone straight away. They never got around to asking him about what’s the matter, though. The calls usually only lasted a minute or two, and coach Foster was hesitant to scold Sakusa whenever he saw his distressed face after he hung up the call and tried to join practise again without losing his composure. And so the questions about the calls were left unspoken.

Sakusa’s nerves were on edge whenever he received one of those phone calls. Nothing bad had happened so far, but he was afraid that one day something might happen. The calls left his heart pounding in his chest long after the calls and in moments like these, all he wanted to do was drop the ball and return home. But the others would worry too much about him if he left just like that.

“Maybe someone who's close to him is really sick,” Hinata whispered to Atsumu, to which the latter only shrugged. 

“Dunno why they would be callin’ Sakusa precisely during practice all the time, though. Kinda weird.” Atsumu pretended to not notice Sakusa’s worried face because he knew he wouldn’t get an answer out of him anytime soon. It was Hinata’s turn to shrug. “It seems very personal, so let’s just carry on practising.”

“Why are you guys staring?” Sakusa asked them with furrowed eyebrows. That’s what he didn’t want to happen. Having people that worry too much about him.

“Are you okay, Omi-san?” Hinata asked him, a worried expression on his face.

“I’m fine. It’s nothing.”

Atsumu shook his head in order to ignore the heavy weight on his shoulders. Then he leaned down to Hinata. “He’ll come around. Maybe...hopefully...Whatever. Come on, show me that sick spike again that you did earlier!”

The second time the Jackals picked up on something suspicious was after a long training day when they gathered in the locker rooms. They were all busy changing into fresh clothes and chatting about how they could improve techniques for their upcoming match in a few weeks. Sakusa was standing in front of his locker and pulled out his backpack when a small package of baby cereal suddenly fell out of one of the pockets and landed right next to Inunaki’s feet. Sakusa was in a rush and so he pulled everything out of his locker without much care about items falling to the floor. The men both froze at the same time.

“Fuck,” Sakusa whispered, but probably still loud enough for others in the room to hear. His ears reddened, and he was already mentally preparing to explain that odd package of food in his locker. 

“Language!” Meian chastised the younger boy across the room right away in a joking voice. Luckily, he didn’t bother to look over his shoulder into Sakusa’s direction. But Inunaki stared at the package on the floor as if he’d just seen a ghost. He didn’t move to pick it up, so Sakusa took the initiative instead and quickly grabbed it and shoved it back into the backpack. He was convinced that nobody apart from Inunaki saw what happened, and so Sakusa prayed that the man wouldn’t ask questions now. 

Except that Atsumu watched the scene go down in the corner of his eye, but he decided to make it look like he didn’t notice the package and carried on bandaging his fingers.

“So…-”

“That’s still from my niece's. Had to babysit her the other day,” Sakusa quickly explained, hoping that Inunaki wouldn’t detect the lie. Fortunately, Inunaki simply nodded and turned to his own locker again. 

"That's sweet, Sakusa-kun. How old is she?"

"She just turned two. She's already a handful."

"Huh, I can imagine that." Inunaki seemingly believed him. That was a bullet Sakusa had just dodged. 

The third time it happened it was almost impossible for Sakusa to explain. He was already late to practice - which never happened before - and he came rushing into the changing room right when the others were about to head to the hall. His breath was unsteady and he forgot to brush through his hair before he left the house, so he probably looked like a whole mess.

Atsumu was still caught up in a conversation with Bokuto and the three were the only ones left in the room. Sakusa threw his backpack that he grabbed in a hurry at home onto the bench and ripped it open. He expected to see his sports clothes and shoes in there, but the only thing that stuck out of the backpack was baby toys and snacks.

“Fucking hell,” he hissed. Before he could close the bag again to keep the others from seeing that Sakusa brought the wrong bag, Atsumu had already practically stuck his head into the backpack. 

“Whatcha got there, Omi-kun? Baby snacks...and toys?” Sakusa was doomed.

“Uh, those are from my nephew’s. Like I said...I had to babysit on Monday.” Atsumu knitted his brows as he looked up to Sakusa who looked seemingly panicked already.

“Didn’t you say you had to look after your niece? And why are ya carryin' all that stuff with you?" Curse Atsumu’s good memory. Why couldn’t he be a little more oblivious in times like these? For Sakusa’s sake?

“Both, actually,” Sakusa explained in the most confident voice that he could come up with. He almost believed the lie himself. “I had to take care of my niece and nephew and brought the wrong bag because I was in a rush. Is that a problem?”

It was natural for Sakusa to get defensive when someone got too close to him but it was harder when he was lying on top of that. Atsumu threw up his hands and laughed. “‘Course not. Ya helping your family, this is nice. But they seem pretty spoiled with all those toys and snacks, don’tcha think?” Sakusa let out a silent sigh of relief. Maybe he wasn’t a bad liar after all. Or maybe the other guys were only playing along. 

Because Atsumu didn't seem to be convinced.

“You know how parents are...they told me to bring all that stuff with us to the playground. It’s pretty...exaggerated. Maybe.”

Sakusa Kiyoomi learned to build walls around him within the past one and a half years, in order to protect himself from disappointment and possibly being a burden to others. It was the easiest way to get through life for him. Don’t let people come near you, and nobody can hurt you. He was aware that it was stupid of him to push away people that care about you more thank you might think. But being in the situation that Sakusa found himself in last year, he couldn’t help but keep others at a distance. He needed to take care of his own life first, his life that was at home and that he was more than hesitant to share with others.

For Sakusa, it looked like nobody could get through his walls, and he’d been quite comfortable with that. He never learned how to become a bricklayer, though, and so his walls were brittle if you looked close enough. The right people could easily tear down those walls - and sometimes even one person was already enough for that job.

It all unraveled on a cold winter day right before volleyball practise was about to start. Sakusa was more than just late this time and the others were contemplating starting practise without their outside hitter as nobody was able to reach him on the phone. But they were also worried.

“What if he got stuck in traffic?” Bokuto asked, then he gasped. “What if he’s under the traffic?”

“Bokkun, if yer implying that our Omi-kun got run over by a truck, then I can assure you that I’d rather win the gold medal in figure skating before that happens. He’s a careful guy, been like that all his life probably.”

“I know…” Bokuto sighed. “He’s just been acting all weird lately, and nobody has a single clue what’s going on and I think everybody is too afraid to ask. Poor Omi-san. We should talk to him after practise and see what’s been on his mind.”

While the members were speculating about Sakusa’s tardiness, the man in question was running through the streets as fast as he could, heading towards the sports hall. It wasn’t necessarily his fault for being late, but he couldn’t make up an explanation in a situation like that anymore. As he was passing the familiar houses that lined up next to the gymnasium, he became aware that it was time to come clean once and for all.

Right on cue, the doors to the gym flew open and in the doorframe stood a disheveled Sakusa wearing his thickest winter clothes - and cradling a rather small object in his left arm which was wrapped in a thick blanket. His face mask was hanging on his left ear and you could see the icy cold on his face as his cheeks and nose were burning red. All heads turned to the man who didn’t dare to move an inch further into the sports hall and for a second, all you could hear was his heavy breathing filling the silence in the hall.

“I- uh...My apologies for being so late,” Sakusa stuttered. The Jackals knew Sakusa as someone who never lost his cool, and seeing him so worn-out was a rare sight. “My phone battery died and uh...I couldn’t find my charger at home and so I-...I- I couldn’t call anyone so-” Sakusa began to ramble.

“Sakusa-kun, slow down,” Meian said in a calm tone. “We haven’t even started yet. You can still go change and join us now that you’re here. It’s all good.

Sakusa looked down on what he had been holding all the way to the gym hall. Where was he supposed to start? Should he just rip it off like a band-aid here and there? All eyes were still on him, and he would be surprised if the others couldn't hear his heart racing.

“Yes. About that. I just...I don’t know how to-”

He got interrupted again, this time by Atsumu who had seemingly lost his patience. “Omi-kun, what the hell is the matter with you lately?”

His tone wasn’t reproachful. He sounded more as if he was genuinely worried, and he wanted to hear answers from Sakusa right now. Sakusa’s heart dropped. The latter somehow couldn’t find the right words and his thoughts were on a whole rollercoaster drive. And as if the situation wasn’t already uncomfortable enough for Sakusa, a loud cry erupted from beneath him. Ripping it off like a band-aid, it was. He had no other choice.

“Not now, Keiko,” Sakusa whined in a low voice and reached up to stroke the baby’s tear stained cheeks gently to wipe away the tears. “You’ve been sleeping all the time, why wake up now? Are you cold?”

Hinata was the first one to step forward. He stood on his tiptoes to see what Sakusa had been holding so firmly all this time. The orange haired boy’s eyes widened at the sight of the crying baby that seemed so small and fragile in Sakusa’s rather muscular arms.

“Omi-san…,” Hinata tried to find the right words, “why are you bringing a baby to practise? Whose child is this?”

“Didya find a kid on the side of the road or what?” Atsumu joked and earned a slap on the back from Tomas for the remark. Atsumu’s grin disappeared upon hearing Sakusa’s next words. He inhaled and tried to meet his teammates' eyes but failed and his gaze wandered down to the crying child in his arms.

A crack in one of the four walls around him appeared.

“Everyone, meet Keiko. She’s my daughter.”

♡

"I'm losing my marbles," Atsumu let himself fall onto the bench. The team was taking a break and he dragged Hinata to the other side of the gym hall to have a talk. "Omi-omi has a kid? A whole kid! And he hasn't told anyone about this. Ya didn't know, did ya?" 

Hinata shushed him and then shook his head vigorously. "You’re too loud. And nope, didn't have a clue. He was probably too scared to tell us."

"But why? Young people have kids, it's normal. Nothing to be ashamed of."

Of course he knew that Sakusa wasn't ashamed of having a child.

"Are you upset that Omi-san might not have enough trust in us to tell us about this part of his life? Maybe this is why you're so worked up about this." This was Hinata's strength. The boy always managed to hit the nail on the head straight away, and sometimes he knew Atsumu's thoughts better than Atsumu did. It was kind of scary. 

Atsumu was indeed upset that after all these months of knowing Sakusa and being around him non stop, he still barely knew anything about the guy. Let alone that he's a father. But of course Atsumu knew that he couldn't blame Sakusa for not telling them. Although the older members of the Jackals liked to talk about their family a lot, Sakusa never had the courage to speak about his own family that was waiting for him at home.

"Whatever. 'M not worked up about anythin'! Now that the cat's out of the sack, Omi-kun doesn't have to act all weird anymore. End of story." Atsumu took a long sip from his drink.

"You're doing it again!" Hinata exclaimed. "You know I'm right but you don't wanna admit it. That's not fair."

"Then stop analysin' my thoughts, for heaven's sake. Let a poor man breathe."

"You act like you just found out that you're the father," Hinata giggled. Atsumu reached out to flick his forehead but Hinata was quick at dodging and so Atsumu only hit an orange strand of hair at the end.

"Boys!" Meian yelled across the field to catch Atsumu and Hinata's attention. "Back to business. We still have an hour left!"

Sakusa announced that he had to sit on the bench for the training. 

“I don’t mean to intrude,” coach Foster began hesitantly. “But last time I checked the calendar it wasn’t ‘bring your child to work’ day, Sakusa. Aside from the fact that we - I didn’t know of the child’s existence.”

Sakusa’s shoulders dropped. He knew that he probably looked pathetic in such a state of exhaustion. “Keiko’s babysitter cancelled at the last minute, and I didn’t want to miss out on practise. So I brought her with me.” Coach Foster let out a sigh.

"Do you want to make it public? It might make the headlines, given that you're quite popular among your mates."

"No," Sakusa said immediately. "This stays in the team. I don't want to drag Keiko into the spotlight when she can't even stand on her own yet. So please, don’t tell anyone about this."

Coach Foster nodded. "I understand. You can stay on the bench for today. I wouldn't let you play in a state like this anyway...you look like you had a pretty rough morning. Make sure you have a responsible babysitter, Sakusa. I won't let you skip the training all the time," coach Foster mumbled. 

"I will, coach. And I'm sorry...I'll do better." 

"You're already doing enough."

A smile graced Keiko's small face even when she was asleep, which made Sakusa's lips curl into a smile as well. She already had quite the amount of hair - just as curly as her father's - and Sakusa made sure to push it out of her face whenever she shifted around so it wouldn’t get in her eyes. Despite the mess that Sakusa found himself in and despite how embarrassing his entrance was just now, all it took was seeing his daughter smile to remember what mattered the most to him.

Atsumu forgot to set the ball and it landed on the floor next to him with a thud as he was occupied with staring at Sakusa. The latter honest-to-god giggled as Keiko let out a long yawn and Atsumu felt the need to watch the scene unfold like it was a phenomenon that only appeared once a year.

"Focus, Tsum-tsum! Or are you slacking off already for today, huh?" Bokuto picked up the ball that Atsumu had missed and went around the net to the other side of the field again. 

Atsumu shook his head. "I dunno how to slack off, dude! Ya know that's not in my vocabulary."

"Then show me what you got!"

Sakusa wanted to head home as quickly as possible, but holding a baby and changing clothes at the same time was more of a challenge than he expected. He even had to skip showering this time and do it at home. Now that he was struggling, he regretted not bringing the baby carrier with him.

Sakusa was holding Keiko, who was now wide awake, in his right arm as he attempted to step into his thick joggers but he kept staggering. Keiko kept blabbering incoherent words and giggled whenever Sakusa jumped a little to pull up his pants.

“This is funny to you, huh? Making your papa do an extra workout after practise?” Sakusa mumbled. He was exhausted, but he couldn’t help the grin on his face when he saw that Keiko had fun watching her father jump around. At the end, it took him four tries until he had finally put his pants on. Sakusa's teammates were only giving him worried looks from across the room, but nobody dared to ask if he needed any help in fear of him snapping at the next person who would talk to him. 

Of course, Atsumu couldn't not say anything at the end.

"Ya know that ya just gotta ask for help if ya need it, yeah? We got yer back, Omi-omi." Everybody expected Sakusa to send back a snarky remark, but all Atsumu received was a sigh at first.

"No, I got this," Sakusa then murmured. He noticed that sweat was still dripping down his face and he couldn’t bother to put on his face mask with one hand, either.

"Should I hold Keiko for a bit so you can get ready?" The others knew that Atsumu was pushing it without being aware of it, but they stayed out of it. 

"I said: I got this, Miya," Sakusa repeated, this time in a rather snappy tone. Internally, he slapped himself for being so moody towards Atsumu who just wanted to help a teammate in distress, but all Sakusa wanted was to get home. He packed up his belongings, slammed his locker door shut and headed towards the door with his gaze glued to the floor. "See you guys tomorrow."

Weeks went by, and practise went back to normal without Sakusa having to take care of his daughter on the gym bench. The Jackals were about to have a match in less than a week and they were practising non stop, especially Sakusa. He wanted to give more than 100% during their Saturday training.

"You're a beast today!" Bokuto exclaimed and gave Sakusa a thumbs up. "But don't overwork yourself right before the match. You're already doing so well!" 

"Thank you," Sakusa was too out of breath to give Bokuto more than a faint smile and hoped that he sounded grateful enough. 

He was quite happy that nobody from the team treated him any differently now that they all knew about Keiko. Sakusa could easily carry on playing volleyball without worrying about mixing up his job and his private life too much. It was better for him that way. The more people knew about personal stuff, the more they eventually got involved in it, which Sakusa really didn’t need. All he wanted was to play volleyball and take care of his little family separately.

That was until the big match took place and the Jackals left the field as the winners of the day. Cheers erupted from the bleachers and it was announced through the speakers that they had won the match. The men were ecstatic and couldn't stop hugging each other, even Sakusa gave several of his teammates a quick high five. He was happy about how the match turned out in their favor and he couldn’t hide his excitement this time. After the members had met up with their families and friends outside the field, they all gathered in the changing rooms and let the match reminisce.

"Atsumu, that last service ace was insane," Oliver yelled and gave the boy a firm pat on his shoulders. 

"I know right!" Atsumu said with a proud smile. "We absolutely killed it today. And besides...that other team didn’t stand a chance against us anyways, amirite? Doesn't that sound like it's time to celebrate?" 

"Hell yeah." Bokuto cried and waved his shirt around. "First round is on me!"

“Stop swinging around your sweaty shirt into our direction, Bokkun!”

Sakusa gulped. He'd love to join the celebration, but - "I have to head home now. You know…"

"No way, Omi-kun!" Hinata whined. "We wanna celebrate together."

Sakusa knew that sooner or later, he'd have to miss out on certain events to take care of Keiko. Not that it bothered him, not in the slightest. He loved spending the nights on his couch with his baby daughter sprawled on top of him and sleeping peacefully while he was watching his favorite movies. Their quality time was important to him, but so was his team. Now that he was torn between both, he didn't exactly know what to do or say.

"I'll join next time. I really have to go-"

"What if we head over to your place to celebrate? It doesn't have to be a big party, we just wanna hang out and that's all," Inunaki suddenly suggested. The other members nodded enthusiastically.

"We'll be a bit quieter in case Keiko wants to sleep," Bokuto added. Considerate as always. It brought a quick smile to Sakusa’s face.

"She's a heavy sleeper anyways." Sakusa worried on his lower lip. "Would you guys really want to give up on a night out? You've been talking about this new night club that you want to go to so often now. It's...whatever, you can go."

"Oh, don’t hit us with ‘It’s whatever’ now, Omi-kun. The night club is still open next week. If you can't come to the party, we'll just bring the party to you," Atsumu said and winked. 

Sakusa didn't know whether to laugh or cry. On the one hand, he was grateful that the boys would go out of their way to include him for the celebration but he also felt guilty that they would go out of their way for Sakusa. Though when he saw the excited faces around him that expected him to agree with their plans, it was his time to cave in.

And this is how the Jackals ended up in Sakusa's apartment on his couch, watching some James Bond movie that Meian insisted on watching. Bokuto, Hinata and Inunaki were sitting in front of the couch on the carpet with several bowls of popcorn and Atsumu, Sakusa, Meian, Tomas and Oliver shared the couch with Sakusa sitting on the left side and keeping his distance a little to the others. 

Keiko was sleeping next door and it was silent so far, though Sakusa kept the babyphone next to him at all times. He picked up the babyphone every two minutes, until Tomas told him to relax and that they would hear if Keiko woke up. Sakusa tried to focus on the movie again.

This was so new to him. Having this many people over at his place and them being so incredibly considerate of his sleeping daughter. It was a strange, yet comforting feeling and it made his chest feel warm. A small smile appeared on his face.

"What are you smiling about, Omi-omi?" Atsumu suddenly asked, exasperated. He sat next to him and he was holding the chips bowl for him and Sakusa. "One of the main characters just died!" 

"It's nothing," Sakusa said. He couldn’t pay attention to the movie after all. "Just thought of something."

"Hm. Sometimes I'd like to know what's on your mind," Atsumu mumbled and stuffed a handful of chips in his mouth.

"Pardon?"

"Ah, It's noffin' ," Atsumu retorted with his mouth still full.

"Shut it, the best part is about to come on," Meian explained in an excited voice and pointed to the screen. "You can chit-chat later."

"Aye, captain!" Atsumu laughed.

♡

When it was way past midnight and they finally emptied most of the beer bottles, the boys decided to head home one by one. They had all agreed on making movie nights at Sakusa's place a regular thing because he had the biggest tv and he made the best popcorn. Even though it was nothing but microwave popcorn, Sakusa kept that to himself. In the end, it was only Atsumu who still had to pack up his things to go back to his apartment. Right after he got up from the couch, a faint cry coming from Keiko’s room filled the silence.

"Oh, she's awake," Sakusa said. "You can go, I'll take care of everything later."

"Nuh-uh. There ain’t no way I'm gonna leave now and make ya clean up that mess by yourself when it's late and ya little one needs your attention." 

The table truly looked horrendous, and that was mainly because Oliver accidentally spilled some beer on it. There was popcorn all over the floor from Hinata and Bokuto attempting to catch the snack with their mouths and the pillows and blankets from the couch were not where they're supposed to be.

"Ya look after Keiko. I'll clean up."

Sakusa knew that Atsumu wouldn't take a no now. He let out a sigh of defeat. "Alright, I'll be back in a second." 

And with that, he rushed into Keiko's bedroom and picked up the crying girl out of her cradle without turning on the lights. He knew that it always startled her, so he just made his way to her bed in the dark.

"Hi, sweetheart. Can't sleep anymore, huh? Don't worry, I got you," Sakusa cooed and Keiko's cries immediately subsided a little.

Sakusa placed a chaste kiss on her forehead, picked up the next best toy he could find that Keiko could play with and headed back to the living room where Atsumu was rearranging the pillows on the couch.

"Sit," Atsumu ordered when he saw that Sakusa was back with Keikow in tow. "I'm almost done."

Atsumu disappeared in the kitchen for a moment. Sakusa took a seat without protesting and leaned back, placing Keiko on top of him. She had already calmed down completely again and was busy pulling on Sakusa's shirt with her tiny fists.

"You really got some energy, love. Maybe I should put you to sleep a little later next time," Sakusa mumbled and stroked her fine hair gently. "We can just stay up tonight if you don't wanna sleep anymore, how does that sound?"

Atsumu didn't dare walk into the room so he wouldn't ruin the intimate moment that Sakusa was having with his daughter. The setter leaned against the doorframe of the living room and watched the two from a distance. Sakusa placed another kiss on the top of Keiko's head and Atsumu could practically feel his heart melt. To see the difference between the Sakusa he got to know on the field, and this one...it was almost like it's two different Sakusas. Right now, he was gentle, calm, loving even. When Sakusa was in a match, he was fierce and powerful. He had his guard up all the time when he was with the team.

But now he almost looked too vulnerable and it was a side that he didn't show anyone - except for his daughter.

"They seem like an inseparable duo," Atsumu said to himself silently.

"What?" Apparently, Sakusa heard Atsumu just now. The curly haired boy looked up to Atsumu who was still glued to the doorframe. A smile appeared on his face.

"It's nothing."

"Are you copying me now all the time?"

"Absolutely not. I'd never!"

Atsumu continued cleaning up and put the rest of the dishes in Sakusa's kitchen as silently as possible. Sakusa could barely keep his eyes open while he was still holding Keiko in his arms. His body felt heavy and he caught his eyes closing involuntarily every few minutes. 

Atsumu sat down next to him and Sakusa opened his eyes again quickly. He rubbed them with his free hand. "Did I fall asleep?"

"No, ya just dozin' off."

"Oh. It's late already, yes…"

"Omi-kun."

"Hm?"

"Can I make a suggestion? But hear me out until the end."

"Go ahead."

"Ya can sleep a little on the couch, because ya seem tired as hell, so go rest a little and I...hold Keiko for a while so you can get at least some sleep tonight. It was a rough day. 

I'll stay next to you. In case anything happens."

"Atsumu…" The sound of Sakusa using Atsumu's first name made his heart stagger. Sakusa took a few seconds to sort his thoughts. His body felt more tired with each minute passing. "I- you…do you promise to be gentle?" 

"I pinky promise."

Sakusa has never handed Keiko to anyone else but the babysitter, who also had to undergo strict inspections from Sakusa so that he knew that he could trust her with leaving Keiko alone with her while he was working. The thought of Atsumu handling his daughter made him feel uneasy at first, not knowing how good Atsumu was with children but Sakusa was just so tired from the match. And so he gently lifted Keiko from his chest. She let out a small sigh but didn’t protest any further. Atsumu reached out his hands and waited for Sakusa to place the child in his arms. The latter’s arms felt empty already.

“She can sit on her own quite well already, but make sure to hold her steady regardless.”

“I got this,” Atsumu murmured, focusing on positioning Keiko so that she was comfortable. It was an unusual sight for Sakusa to see Atsumu so quiet and tentative. He gave Keiko a small smile. “Hello, little one.”

An odd feeling bubbled up inside Sakusa’s chest when he saw how gentle Atsumu was holding his daughter in his arms, and how he didn’t hesitate to send a smile her way and then began to make silly faces to make her laugh. 

“Ya like that, huh. I’m gonna try to entertain you while your dad is going to rest. He had a rough day, ya know? Yer dad was absolutely amazing on the field, ya should have seen it. One day you will."

Sakusa was no stranger to compliments, but he rarely received them from Atsumu when they weren’t on the field. During a game, it was the usual “nice kill”, “good job” that Sakusa heard. And afterwards, it was usual for them to criticise each other on their performance during the game.

And this time, it was as if Atsumu forgot that Sakusa was sitting right next to him while he was showering him with praise. 

It was as if the two have always been that way together.

“I’m going to sleep now,” Sakusa quickly said. “Are you...really okay with all this?”

Keiko chuckled when Atsumu stuck out his tongue. He then turned to Sakusa and nodded. “I told ya before that I got your back. I think the two of us will get along for a few hours. Whaddaya think, kiddo?" Keiko let out some incoherent babble and grabbed the collar of Atsumu’s shirt with a giggle. 

“You’re quite a feisty one, aren’t you?” Atsumu chuckled. But suddenly, he faltered. It was visible for Sakusa that something had come to his mind just now, but Atsumu seemed hesitant to say it out loud.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good,” Atsumu breathed. “I just wanted to ask you how-”

“How I became a father?” 

It was as if Sakusa could read Atsumu’s thoughts for a second. “Ya don’t have to answer, really. That’s personal stuff and I didn’t wanna...you know…”

“Atsumu,” Sakusa said, the name rolling off his tongue so easily as if he had always called him by his first name in all this time of knowing him. “I’m letting you hold my daughter at this very moment and I'm letting you babysit her for a few hours soon. It’s okay to ask.”

I trust you.

The last words were left unspoken. Sakusa stood up to grab a blanket from the other side of the couch. He settled down in his spot again with the blanket draped halfway over him and a thick pillow under his head. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he noticed just how tired he was. He stared at the coffee table in front of him, trying to avoid Atsumu’s gaze. He’s never told the story to anyone apart from his close family. 

“I met her when I was still in college and we started dating a few months later. It was easy with her, hanging out and doing the usual couple stuff and so on. The pregnancy was unexpected, because we always took safety precautions, but we both immediately agreed that she would keep the child. We broke up on mutual terms during the pregnancy, though. Still, we both wanted to take care of Keiko interchangeably. We had it all figured out, until one day she just upped and left the country to study medicine at another university in Canada without giving me prior notice. We don’t call a lot, but she seems happy there.”

Atsumu didn’t say a word after Sakusa finished. The latter groaned.

“Stop that.”

“Stop..what?”

“I can practically feel that you’re pitying me. I hate it. Stop.”

“Actually, dear Omi-omi, I don’t pity you. I’m just shocked. It wasn’t cool of her to leave like that, ‘cause he’s missing out on watching this precious little girl grow up.” Atsumu cleared his throat. “And she’s missing out on how you’re absolutely nailin’ the job.”

Sakusa felt how his heart burned when he heard the last sentence. The constant fear of not giving enough, not being enough, when it came to raising Keiko haunted him during every moment of the day. He wasn’t prepared for taking care of a baby, especially not for doing all that on his own. When he first found out that Keiko’s mother had left the country, he signed up for classes to learn how to care for his daughter on his own properly. Sakusa wanted to provide Keiko a safe and happy environment, and sometimes he wished that he could just ask his daughter if she was happy. Obviously, he wouldn’t get an answer, so seeing her toothless smile when he woke her up in the morning was all it took for Sakusa to get back on track.

A single tear escaped his eye but he quickly wiped it away so Atsumu wouldn’t see. Sakusa took one last look at Keiko and then at Atsumu, who was gently smiling down on the child, before he put his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes.

“There are soft fruits in the kitchen in case she wants a snack but don’t give her too much or she’ll get a bellyache,” Sakusa mumbled. “She’ll let you know if she wants a snack, believe me. If you think she’s getting sleepy again, please put her back to bed. And if anything out of the ordinary happens, wake me up immediately.”

“Got that.”

Sakusa yawned. He only ever felt how tired he was after a game once he actually laid down to rest and it felt like a wave of exhaustion washing over him. Suddenly, a hand was placed on the side of Sakusa’s head after a minute of silence between them.

“I’ll keep her safe for you,” Atsumu whispered. This was the last thing Sakusa heard before he drifted off.

It was 6 AM when Sakusa first took a look at the clock in the morning. Warm sun rays shone through the windows next to the couch he was still laying on and he could feel the warmth from having two blankets draped over him. He only remembers grabbing one blanket to sleep with last night, though. Sakusa rubbed his eyes.

A rustle came from the kitchen that was situated next to the living room and for a moment Sakusa thought that someone who wasn't meant to be here might be in his apartment. He pushed the blankets aside and hurried into the kitchen, only to see a familiar figure with blond hair standing in front of the fridge with his back facing Sakusa. The spiker exhaled. His gaze wandered to the dining table where Atsumu had placed two plates with a bagel each, a smaller plate with something on it that looked like porridge and bananas, a baby bottle and two cups of coffee

"You didn't have to do all this." Sakusa explained.

Atsumu didn't seem to hear Sakusa coming to the kitchen because he flinched and dropped the package of milk upon hearing the man's voice. He quickly picked up the package and turned around with a grin on his face.

"Morning, Omi! I didn't hear ya there. I uh, just felt like preparing breakfast for us...three. No biggie. I got time."

Sakusa felt so immensely guilty that Atsumu went out of his way and made breakfast but he also couldn't ignore the warm feeling in his chest when he thought of Atsumu preparing that food for the three of them.

"Did you even sleep at all last night?" Sakusa asked as he took a seat at the table. He knew that Keiko usually slept until 7 AM, so he still had some time until he'd have to check up on her.

Atsumu scratched the back of his neck. He sat down in front of Sakusa and gave him an apologetic smile. "I closed my eyes for 40 seconds...if that counts. Keiko was awake for so long and then when I brought her back to bed it was already too late to sleep again."

"We have extra practise tonight, you know that," Sakusa said and took the first bite of the bagel. "You should make sure to get some sleep before that."

"Aw come on, now ya just sound like the coach! I'm a big boy, so don't worry. I'll hit the hay once I get home."

Right, Atsumu still had to leave to go home later.

A comfortable silence filled the room as the men were busy eating breakfast and enjoying their fresh cups of coffee that were definitely needed. Sakusa finished eating first. He drank the last sip of his coffee and took a look at Atsumu who was still busy eating the last bites of his bagel.

It was astounding, really. Sakusa remembered how he got to know Atsumu as a boastful yet humorous boy back then, especially with no ounce of timidity within him. He didn't talk much to him during the training camp they both attended but Sakusa heard from others that Atsumu was kind of a dick back in his highschool times. Atsumu grew up too, though. The Jackals were quick to figure out that his playful demeanor didn't change when Atsumu joined them, but he was definitely someone you could count on at all times. Sakusa remembered the way Atsumu talked to Keiko last night in such a kind voice and how he managed to make her feel comfortable right away. How he was careful whenever she was shifting in his arms - and how he told Sakusa that he would keep her safe.

It wasn't a given that Atsumu would stay up all night to take care of Sakusa's child, playing with her and bringing her back to bed eventually.

It wasn't a given that Atsumu was the one who put a second blanket over Sakusa, probably because he was freezing.

And it wasn't a given either that Atsumu would still prepare breakfast for the three of them despite his immense lack of sleep. But he did all of that anyway with such ease, as if he'd always done it like that before.

"Did I get cream cheese on my face or what are ya lookin' at?" Atsumu laughed. Damn it, he caught Sakusa staring at him. He didn't even notice that he got lost in his thoughts.

"I was merely shocked about how big your eyebags are," Sakusa quickly said without giving it further thought. He was hoping that his reddened ears wouldn't betray him this time.

Atsumu scoffed, but he didn't look upset in the slightest. "You're so grumpy in the mornin', geez! Was the food not good?"

"No, no." Sakusa shook his head. "It was good. Perfect actually. I wanted to…I just-"

Why was it so hard for him to say it out loud? 

"You're welcome," Atsumu suddenly said. He smiled at Sakusa. "If that's what ya wanted to tell me. I would do this anytime."

"Yes." Sakusa exhaled. "That was it."

I would do this anytime.

Why did Sakusa hope that this was a promise he'd just been given?

♡

It was early in the afternoon when Sakusa received a text message from Atsumu. He put down the toy car that he’d been moving around on Keiko’s bedroom floor for twenty minutes straight since she was so invested in the funny noises it made. The little girl let out a whine as soon as Sakusa grabbed his phone instead of playing with the car for her.

“Shh, give me one second, sweetheart.”

Atsumu: wanna grab some dinner in a few hours? i wanna check out this cool restaurant n I don’t wanna go alone

Sakusa: I can’t. Keiko’s babysitter isn’t available for tonight.

Atsumu: u can bring her too. dw, the place is small and outside the city

Sakusa: Hm...

Sakusa: Send me the address and I’ll be there at 8 PM sharp.

Atsumu: :D yay!

Sakusa: Is there anyone else coming?

Atsumu: nah, just us three 

A smile crept up on Sakusa’s face. He wanted to slap himself when he noticed.

Sakusa found himself in front of a small Mexican restaurant called “La Casa” three hours later, holding the baby carrier with Keiko firmly in his right hand. Soft music and gentle chatter from inside could be heard and there were all kinds of plants standing in front of the small windows next to the door. The lights outside the restaurant colored the decoration in a warm orange. It looked cozy.

The sound of his own heartbeat became more prominent the longer he was standing outside, waiting for Atsumu to arrive. He stuck his hand in his jacket to keep at least one hand warm, since his gloves failed to do so.

It was unusual for Atsumu and Sakusa to hang out together. It wasn't that they weren't close, but that at least Hinata or Bokuto would tag along naturally. This time, it was just them, and Sakusa noticed a fuzzy feeling in his stomach when the realisation hit him.

“Ya really meant it when ya said 8 PM sharp,” a playful voice startled Sakusa out of his thoughts. He turned around to spot Atsumu approaching him with a wide smile on his face. Sakusa’s heart dropped. Atsumu was wearing a maroon button up shirt that was almost covered by a thick grey coat and a black scarf. He wore black jeans and black oxfords - he had gelled his blond hair back a little on top of that.

“What the hell,” Sakusa hissed before the other man could hear it. 

“Hi Omi-kun." Atsumu gave Sakusa a brief wave and then crouched down in front of the baby carrier. "Hello, little Keiko. Ya feelin’ alright?” Keiko replied with a small laugh when Atsumu gently booped her nose.

“Is this some fancy restaurant or why are you all dressed up?” Sakusa asked. He looked down on his black hoodie, puffer jacket, jeans and winter boots. Either he was underdressed or Atsumu was being his extra self.

“Nah, don’t worry,” Atsumu laughed. “Just felt like putting on somethin’ nicer today.”

“Good to know,” Sakusa said.

“Ya still look super handsome, anyway.”

“What?”

“I said, let’s go inside!” Atsumu opened the door and held it open for Sakusa and Keiko.

“No, you didn’t,” Sakusa mumbled, his heart pounding in his chest. The three stepped inside. 

Both Sakusa and Atsumu decided to try the special Fajitas after scanning the menu for ages, and the waitress even brought a small bowl of plain rice and some cooked vegetables for Keiko to eat. At first, Sakusa was busy feeding his daughter, trying not to make a mess, so he didn’t get to take a bite from his own food. He almost forgot that he’d also ordered food because he was so focused on Keiko who seemed to enjoy her food a lot.

A hand was placed on top of Sakusa's free hand that was resting next to his glass of wine.

“Omi-kun,” Atsumu said. He’d eaten half of his plate already. “Let me help. Ya haven’t had anything from your plate yet.”

“Oh. It’s going to be cold...right.” Sakusa retracted his hand slowly and handed the cutlery to Atsumu. He scooped up some rice for Keiko right away. When Sakusa saw that Keiko was just as eager to get the food from Atsumu as she was with Sakusa, the latter could focus on his own food in peace.

The warmth of Atsumu's hand on his didn't leave him for at least ten minutes.

Every now and then, Sakusa looked up from the plate. He couldn’t find a word other than endearing for the scene that happened in front of his eyes. For every bit of rice or vegetable, Atsumu demonstrated to Keiko how to open her mouth wide and close it again and he literally clapped whenever Keiko chewed and swallowed another bite. She gave Sakusa a big smile every time.

“Alright, now it’s your dad’s turn again, pumpkin. We make a good team, though, don’t we?”

“Pumpkin?” Sakusa raised his brows, but he couldn’t help the small grin that appeared on his face.

“Yeah. Come on, kids love those kinda nicknames. What about you, Omi-omi?”

Sakusa let out a huff. “I think Omi-omi or Omi-kun is enough already.”

“Aw, come on.” Atsumu placed the spoon next to his plate and began to look at Sakusa with big eyes. “What about something like...honey?”

“No, thanks.”

“Cutie?”

“No.”

“Babe?”

“Do you want me to slap a Tortilla in your face?"

Atsumu brought Sakusa and Keiko home that night.

Sakusa had taken a cab to the restaurant since he didn't really trust his orientation skills outside of the city, so Atsumu insisted on driving them home with his own car. The car ride was silent but not necessarily uncomfortable. Keiko fell asleep as soon as they entered the car and now she was sleeping quietly in the back of the car. Soft city pop music came from the radio and Sakusa watched the colorful lights outside the car rush past them.

"Ya tired?" Atsumu asked in a low voice in order not to wake Keiko.

"Mhm," Sakusa hummed. "A little."

"Then I hope this little insomniac in the back won't keep you up tonight. We need you in good form tomorrow."

Sakusa chuckled. "Keiko usually sleeps through the nights. You were just there during a bad night the other day."

"It wasn't that bad. Kids are fun."

They reached Sakusa's front door ten minutes later. Keiko was still sleeping and Sakusa hoped that it would stay that way until he could put her to bed upstairs.

"Well, this was nice," Atsumu said. He was rocking back and forth on his heels. "Didn't think you'd actually agree to join me tonight."

Sakusa raised his eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I? We go out for food with the team quite often."

"Dunno. Haven't really hung out when it was just us two - well, three - before so I hoped it didn't seem weird," Atsumu mumbled.

"What's weird is seeing you so timid. It's fine, Miya. I had fun." I had a wonderful time, Sakusa wanted to say. But the words wouldn't leave his mouth. Dammit.

Atsumu cleared his throat and readjusted his coat, ready to head to his car. "That's good to hear. Well then...see you tomorrow, Omi." 

Something inside of Sakusa clicked.

"Wait," he said quickly before Atsumu could walk away. The latter turned around with a confused look on his face. "It's late already. And it's cold. Do you...uh, want to come upstairs?" 

"Are you-" Atsumu took a step closer again, nearly invading Sakusa's personal space which made the latter gulp. "Are you asking me to stay the night?" 

Sakusa's walls came crumbling down slowly. It was now or never.

"Yes," he breathes. "Stay the night, please."

They arrived in Sakusa's apartment and Sakusa made his way to Keiko's bedroom to put her into her crib. The little girl was sleeping like a rock and so he was able to put on her clothes for the night easily and drape her small yet thick blanket over her. With a last look into the crib, Sakusa stepped out of the room with the babyphone and closed the door behind him. 

"Where are you?" Sakusa called out for Atsumu.

"Living room," the man in question replied straight away.

Sakusa entered the living room. "Why are you sitting like that? You look like you're waiting for the bus."

"Hey, cut me some slack," Atsumu protested. "I was merely waiting for you to finish your night routine with Keiko and I didn't know what to do with myself in that time."

"I'm finished." Sakusa paused. "Are you coming?"

"Am I comin'...where?" Sakusa wasn't sure whether Atsumu was playing dumb or if he truly didn't get the hint. He was hoping for the latter. The curly haired man groaned and made an attempt to find the right words.

"The couch isn't comfortable to sleep on. Trust me, my neck still hurts from that one night. And my bed is big enough for two people. Can you still follow me?"

"Oh. Oh." It was like a lightbulb lit up above Atsumu's head. Sakusa rolled his eyes, but he couldn't hide his smile anymore.

"So, are you coming or not? I won't stand here all night."

Ten minutes later, the two men were changed and laid under the thick bed sheets with at least 50 centimeters space between them and their backs facing each other. Sakusa sensed the awkward tension between them, so he closed his eyes in hopes of falling asleep as fast as possible.

"Thanks for lettin' me crash here," Atsumu suddenly whispered. 

"No problem," Sakusa replied, his voice muffled from the pillow that he was hugging. He didn't know what else to say.

Silence filled the room and a few minutes passed.

Then, two things happened within the same second. Both Sakusa and Atsumu turned around to face each other at the same time. And when Sakusa was just about to reach out for Atsumu's face, the two heard a cry coming from the speaker of the babyphone and Sakusa quickly pulled back his hand again. Atsumu cleared his throat and turned back to lay flat on his back. 

The crying became louder now. Sakusa wanted to cry, too.

"I'll go check on her," he sighed and left the warmth underneath the blanket to step out of the bedroom. He slowly opened the door to Keiko's room and peeked inside. The small girl was laying on her back in the crib and was letting out small sobs.

"It's all good, shh," Sakusa cooed and lifted her out of her bed. "I know that type of crying, baby. You only cry like that when you have a nightmare. Don't worry, it was just a dream...shh...Papa is here."

After rocking Keiko back and forth on the rocking chair in her room for a few minutes, her sobs subsided and she fell back asleep. Sakusa was relieved that it wasn't another night where his daughter wasn't able to fall back asleep again. He could go back to bed now. He wondered if Atsumu was already asleep next door. 

The thought of knowing that someone was waiting for him to join in his bed caused Sakusa to have a warm feeling in his stomach.

"There we go," Sakusa whispered when he was sure that Keiko was fast asleep. He planted a chaste kiss on her cheek and placed her back into the crib. "Sleep well, love."

When Sakusa returned to his bedroom, he saw that Atsumu had fallen asleep indeed. He was occupying almost two thirds of the bed, but Sakusa managed to slip under the blankets and found a comfortable position regardless. He turned around to face Atsumu, who was sleeping soundly with his mouth slightly open. Sakusa reached out for the man a second time that night and pushes a strand of hair out of Atsumu's face. He stirred slightly and let out a short hum but the small touch didn't wake him.

Sakusa scanned Atsumu's face. He was used to the latter wearing an everlasting grin on his face when he was awake and walking through the world like the place belonged to him. But seeing him sleeping so peacefully made him look almost small. 

"What are you doing to me?" It was barely a whisper and Sakusa knew that Atsumu couldn't hear him anyways. Fortunately...or unfortunately.

That night, Sakusa fell asleep with a smile on his face.

♡

Sakusa didn't know what's gotten into him when he stormed into Onigri Miya the day after practise. He'd taken a detour on the way to his apartment, hoping that the stopover would bring some clarity in his thoughts.

Atsumu left his apartment quite early this morning, explaining that he wanted to stop by his apartment before practise. Later that day, when the team gathered at the gym hall, Atsumu walked in with a bag from a toy store and a second plastic bag in his other hand.

"I brought ya Umeboshi," Atsumu proudly announced in the changing room. "And some super cute toys for Keiko, too. I walked by a toy store and couldn't not go in, ya know."

"You...uh - huh?" Sakusa was too flustered to form a coherent sentence. Atsumu buying stuff for him was definitely...new. "Thank you?"

"Why don't you ever buy me stuff, Atsumu-san?" Hinata complained. "You always say that I'm your favorite!"

"Seems like he found someone new for that spot," Meian chuckled. 

And then, just three hours later, Sakusa swung open the doors of Onigiri Miya and a bell rang through the room. He pointed at Osamu, who was peacefully cleaning the counter and didn't expect anyone to come in during the shop's lunch break.

"Your brother is an idiot," Sakusa stated. Osamu looked up upon hearing the familiar voice, yet he still looked surprised to see Sakusa standing in the entrance alone.

"Do you want me to argue with you on that? 'Cause then I'll hafta disappoint ya." Osamu put away the cleaning supplies and went around the counter to approach Sakusa. "Good to see you too. And what did Tsumu do this time?"

"It's just," Sakusa sighed and let himself fall on the next best chair he could find. He struggled to figure out where to start, so he just let it all out at once. "He's been around me more often all of a sudden lately. He invited me to dinner last night and drove me home and then when it was time to say goodbye he seemed so nervous and I don't know why but I asked him to stay the night and so he did! Some nights before that he stayed over way after everyone else had already left, because we had a movie night with the team, and he took care of cleaning everything up while i was taking care of Keiko and then he literally watched over her the whole night and didn't sleep at all and then he made breakfast for all of us. And today he brought me my favorite food and even bought toys for Keiko and - I'm going insane." Sakusa took a deep breath.

Osamu's head was spinning. "Who the hell is Keiko?"

"My daughter."

"Ya shittin' me."

"God, this is not the most important part right now," Sakusa whined. "Atsumu is driving me crazy."

"Atsumu, huh?" Osamu snickered. He sat down in front of Sakusa and took off his cap. His hair was already back to his natural brown again, unlike his brother who continued to dye his hair platinum blond. Atsumu claimed that it was his signature feature by now. "Ya mean my idiot brother is making you fall in love with him. And you decided to come to me because…?"

"Because I don't know what he wants from me."

"Dude, he took you out on a date last night without you even realizin' that it was a date and you said that he was nervous when he dropped you off, huh? My brother doesn't get nervous, ever. Or he just doesn't show it. He wants you."

"Me?" Sakusa felt like he was being lied to at this moment. There was no way that Atsumu would ever have a crush on Sakusa...right? A tiny part of Sakusa told him that Atsumu was merely helping him out with Keiko, that he wanted to take some pressure off his teammate's shoulders. 

"In case it helps ya: I haven't been talkin' to Tsumu a lot, but when I do he talks about nothin' but you. Don't tell him I told ya that, though. I still wanna live some longer."

"Got that." Sakusa exhaled. "And what do I do now?"

"Whaddaya mean? Don'tcha like him too?"

Sakusa thought of Atsumu's smile whenever he entered the room. How he was kind of a dick but still somehow one of the most caring people Sakusa has ever come across. Atsumu never failed to consider Sakusa's needs, on the field as well as in private. 

He remembers his small touches that made his skin burn but in a good way, as if Atsumu was still too afraid to cross any boundary with Sakusa but he wanted to show how much he cared at the same time. Thought of how he handled Keiko so delicately and made sure that she was comfortable around him and also included her in the two men's dinner. 

How Atsumu brought him his favorite food because he remembered that Sakusa mentioned it once.

And Sakusa had to admit that he didn't mind Atsumu being so present in his life. It was quite the contrary. Sakusa realized that Atsumu has somehow become a constant in his life in such a short span of time, and that he wanted this.

"Holy shit," Sakusa said.

He liked Miya Atsumu.

"It's finally clicking in ya head, right?"

It was Sakusa’s turn to send a message to Atsumu this time. They didn’t text a lot outside of their team group chat, so it felt weird to approach the other man like this again. In other words: it took Sakusa 8 minutes to hit send on the message he’d already typed out and he was pacing around in his apartment within these minutes instead.

“Damn it,” Sakusa cursed. He looked over to Keiko who was playing with some toy blocks on the blanket that Sakusa placed on the floor for her. 

“You didn’t hear me cursing.” Sakusa pointed with a finger at his daughter and she let out a laugh in response. He would just blame it on Atsumu if her first words were a swear word. 

Right, Atsumu.

Sakusa looked back at his phone and the open chat. He let out a final sigh and sent the message once and for all.

Sakusa: Do you want to come over? I think Keiko misses you.

Of course this was a lie. It was in fact Sakusa who wanted to see Atsumu as they haven’t hung out in a while ever since Atsumu slept here. But Sakusa was allowed to use some sort of baby bonus once in a while if he decided to be a coward, right?

Atsumu replied within less than ten seconds.

Atsumu: did she tell you this or what? lolll

Atsumu: jk, I’ll be there in 15 mins :D

Atsumu arrived 30 minutes later, with the excuse that he was held up by his “airhead of a brother” at Onigiri Miya and couldn’t leave.

“It’s fine, you’re here now,” Sakusa reassured the blond man and led him to the living room where Keiko was now busy with a ball that lit up as soon as you shook it. Atsumu greeted the little girl by picking her up and giving her a kiss on her forehead which made her giggle.

It was safe to say that Sakusa would really like to be in Keiko’s position as he watched the two interact. He wasn’t going to survive that day.

“Stupid,” Sakusa muttered to himself.

“Huh?” Atsumu looked over to Sakusa who was somehow frozen in place in the doorframe of the living room.

“Nevermind,” he quickly said and stepped next to Atsumu. He needed to change the topic. “Do you want to drink something?”

Atsumu decided to stay for dinner that day and ordered them some Korean takeout since Sakusa has been craving some for ages. They settled down on the couch when the food arrived with Keiko taking a nap on her blanket next to Sakusa. As the news channel was running on tv, the two ate their food in silence - except for the slurping sounds coming from Atsumu as he was eating his noodles. 

“Stop slurping,” Sakusa muttered. “You’ll wake up Keiko.”

“Didn’t ya say she’s a heavy sleeper? Come on, ya can tell me if it’s bothering you.”

“Okay, fine. It was bothering me. Sorry.” Sakusa turned back to his plate on his lap.

“Something on your mind?” Atsumu suddenly asked. He put the empty plate on the coffee table and turned to Sakusa with his legs crossed. “I feel like ya have been weird like, ever since I arrived. You’re always tense but it seems...really bad today.” Sakusa knew that he wasn’t exactly an open book when it came to his personal life, but he was aware that his mood was still quite easy to read - especially by someone like Atsumu who was around him quite often. 

He wanted to let it all out. He wanted to get it off his chest that Atsumu has been turning his life and sanity upside down and that he was confused about what terms the two were on. That Atsumu has been more present in his life than ever and that Sakusa actually didn’t mind but instead, he liked the fact that Atsumu was there. He wanted him to sit next to Sakusa on the couch on a sunday evening, with Korean takeout and his daughter sleeping next to him.

Sakusa wanted Atsumu to be part of his all.

But his train of thoughts was interrupted by noises coming from where Keiko was sleeping. Well, she wasn’t sleeping anymore now and let out small whines instead. Sakusa watched as her eyes opened halfway and she rubbed her face with her small fist.

“Well, look who’s awake,” Atsumu cooed. Sakusa pulled her into his lap and pushed some strands of hair out of her face. And then she suddenly opened her mouth.

“Pa…,” she said. Sakusa froze. 

“Paa…,” the little girl tried again and Sakusa couldn’t bring out a word so he silently watched his daughter.

“Papa?” Atsumu stared at the other man with a worried expression on his face as Sakusa hadn't moved for a minute after that.

“Woah, Omi-kun. Are you...alright?” 

“This was her first word,” Sakusa mumbled. And then he started to cry. Thick tears spilled out of his eyes and he couldn’t wipe them away since he was still holding Keiko tight. But suddenly, a tissue was held to his face and Sakusa watched as Atsumu silently wiped away his tears until they subsided after a minute or two. The blond man didn’t say a word during that time. He didn’t need to, because all Sakusa needed was for him to wipe his tears and stay next to him.

Nobody has ever seen him in such a vulnerable state, Sakusa thought to himself. He rarely cries; he could barely remember the last time he genuinely cried. Sakusa liked to think of himself as someone who could keep their composure at all times and break down in silence, when nobody was watching. But there was no form of judgement whatsoever coming from Atsumu - just a look of pure understanding.

Keiko actually fell back asleep again quickly and Sakusa put her in her bed this time. He sent a last smile to the sleeping girl before he returned to the living room and sat down in his spot.

Sakusa let out a sigh and looked up to Atsumu who seemed to stare holes into the other’s head the moment Sakusa entered the living room again. “I didn’t mean to make you see me this way. It’s just that this moment meant...everything to me and you know how you can’t control your emotions sometimes because I don’t really cry and I dislike crying in front of other so -”

“Kiyoomi, can I kiss you?” 

Sakusa froze for the second time that night. “I - huh?”

“Ya heard me.” Sakusa gulped. It was a matter of seconds in which he had to reply and he couldn’t hesitate now. This is something that he’d been looking forward to for a while, even though he wasn’t aware of how much he wanted this - wanted Atsumu - until that day at Onigiri Miya. He remembered that the thought of Atsumu laying in his bed made him feel warm all over his body and how Sakusa has been craving the blond man’s presence more than ever.

And so Sakusa moved closer to Atsumu and gently placed his palm on the man’s cheek as he was finally looking him into the eyes directly. From this moment on, time seemed to slow down around Sakusa. Golden brown eyes looked back at him filled with nothing but adoration and want, and Sakusa hoped for Atsumu to see that he was feeling just the same.

Sakusa’s walls finally crumbled completely, became fine dust and were swept away by a gust of wind.

“Yes,” he said. “Please.”

Soft lips were carefully placed on his as Sakusa closed his eyes and let himself melt away under that kiss. He tilted his head and his hand wandered to Atsumu’s neck as the latter rested his hands on Sakusa’s hips in return. A soft gasp escaped Sakusa’s lips as Atsumu grabbed the loops of Sakusa’s pants and pulled him even closer so that there was no space left between them. 

Sakusa didn’t know what butterflies in the stomach felt like until he finally tasted Atsumu’s lips.

The two parted to catch a breath and rested their foreheads against each other. Sakusa didn’t dare open his eyes in case he was actually dreaming.

“Do ya know how long I’ve been wanting to do this?” Atsumu whispered. He caressed Sakusa’s cheek with his thumb as he spoke, which sent a shiver down Sakusa’s spine. It was like his whole body was infused with electricity whenever Atsumu touched him somewhere. Sakusa couldn’t get enough.

“Less talking, more kissing,” Sakusa mumbled and pulled Atsumu back into a second kiss. 

He carefully pushed Atsumu back against the armrest and trapped the latter’s legs in between his. Atsumu let out gentle moans as Sakusa let his lips trail down the side of Atsumu’s neck and then placed them on Atsumu’s lips again.

The kiss went on for another few minutes until they parted for good. Sakusa rested his head on Atsumu’s chest slowly. The latter wrapped his arm around Sakusa’s wait to hold him steady and for a moment, Sakusa was basking in the other’s embrace with a smile on his swollen lips.

“Do you think our team mates will be more or rather less shocked about us being together compared to when I told them that I’m a father?”

“Huh,” Atsumu hummed. “We’re together now? You’re an eager one.” He said this but Sakusa could hear the smirk without even looking up.

“Atsu, I want this,” Sakusa said, with determination in his voice. “I want you to be part of my life - if you’re ready for it. If you want to be with me, you always have to count two people, and I don’t want you to jump into anything that you’re not prepared for.”

“Ya don’t have to ask me twice.” Atsumu grabbed Sakusa’s chin and pulled him in for a short but firm kiss. Warmth spread within Sakusa’s chest.

“I’m more than ready.”