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Levi loved his husband. He really did but this was getting ridiculous. Eren was about 5 months along and his cravings were out of control.
It was 2 am and Eren was sitting up happily munching on his pizza which he was dipping in chocolate pudding.
“That’s disgusting. I can’t even look at you.”
“Don’t hate. Go back to sleep. Wait. Do we have those spicy chips?”
“I thought spicy foods gave you heartburn?”
Eren shrugged. “I get heartburn no matter what I eat. This kid better come out with the fullest thickest head of hair ever.”
“That’s an old wives tale.”
Eren lightly slapped him. “Then what’s the point of having crippling heartburn if I don’t get a baby with beautiful hair!”
Levi rolled his eyes and got up to get Eren his chips.
Once Eren had his chips and dipping them in his pudding he said. “If you are just gonna stare at me you should at least try talking to the baby.”
“What do you mean by that?”
Eren scoffed. “Are you even reading the books we bought! Their ears are fully developed and they can hear sounds and recognize voices!”
“Oh, do you talk to them?”
“All the time! Don’t you want them to know who you are?”
It was Levi’s turn to scoff. “They already know who I am. I’m their father.”
“ I don’t know Levi… I've been reading a lot and all the books say fathers who talk to the baby in the womb have a better relationship than those who don’t.”
Fuck. Eren had a good point. He didn’t want to be a shitty father. He wouldn’t fuck this up.
“Fine.” He bent down to Eren's extended stomach. “Uh, what do I even say?”
Eren sighed. “Tell them who you are! Say whatever comes to mind!”
He lifted up Eren’s shirt and kissed his stomach. “Um hi. Don’t really know if you can hear me but I’m your papa. I guess I want you to know that.” He felt the baby kicking. He would never tire of feeling them move around.
Eren gasped. “Look at that! You spoke and they kicked!”
“Yeah…” He felt himself getting choked up. “So I guess you know who I am. That’s good. Uh, I love you. I can’t wait to meet you.”
The more he talked the more the baby kicked.
Eren laughed. “Awesome! They don’t even kick for me!”
Levi didn’t know how long they sat there talking to the baby. Finally, Eren yawned. “Great talk guys but I’m exhausted. Can we try to go back to bed?”
Levi nodded. “Ok, dad wants to sleep. We will talk tomorrow, ok?” The baby gave a final kick then settled down.
After that night Levi tried to talk to the baby whenever he could. They had even bought children’s books to read.
It was a rare night when Eren didn’t wake up to eat. Levi almost felt alone. For the past few weeks, he actually liked waking up at 3 am to read and talk. He looked over and saw Eren cuddled up with his stupid pregnancy pillow snoring obnoxiously.
He bent down anyway. “Hi, kid. Try not to move around too much. Dad is still sleeping. It’s just us tonight.”
Levi gulped. Eren’s due date was fast approaching and the closer it got the more nervous he felt. “So I’m actually glad it’s just us tonight. Because I want to tell you a secret. I’m terrified.I mean I already have a kid-your half-sister- she’s the same age as your dad which is a different story but I wasn’t around I mean the first time I met her was when she was 5! I don’t want to fuck up. You and your dad deserve the best. My father, if you can call him that, wasn't around either. I have no idea what I’m doing. The only father figure I really had was my uncle and I do not want to be like him.”
He started tracing little shapes against Eren’s stomach. “I don’t want to be a shitty father.”
He was glad Eren was still sleeping. He was embarrassed to admit his fears. It did feel nice to say everything out loud. He knew his baby wouldn’t say anything. His secret was safe.
He felt hands running through his hair and Eren’s sleepy voice saying. “Le? Wha..are you doing?”
He kissed his way up Eren’s body. “Nothing. Just having a late-night chat.”
“Mmmm don’t they always get crazy when you talk.”
Levi kissed Erens cheek. “Don’t worry, they promised to be good.”
Eren wrapped his arms around him and tried pulling him closer but the pillow was blocking them. “Wanna talk?”
Levi could tell how tired his husband was. He carefully rubbed his back. “No. It’s okay. Go back to sleep.”
“Mmmmwait do we have ice cream? Maybe some pickles?”
Levi chuckled. “Right away my love.”
The next day Levi was flipping through the numerous baby books they had. Stupid he thought to himself. All books ended right after the baby was born. What about after? What the fuck was he supposed to do with a newborn baby? He sighed and tossed the last book aside. Those were no help. He pulled out his phone and searched for books on fatherhood. He found a couple that looked helpful and added them to his Amazon cart. When the books arrived He hid them in his office reading them on his lunch. A part of him knew he should just nut up and tell Eren his fears but the other part felt like if he told Eren that he was afraid of being a father he would agree then leave him for someone who would be a good father. He knew it was stupid but he couldn’t help but think about what his ex used to say- that Mikasa turned out as well as she did was because he wasn’t there to fuck her up. What if he screwed up this baby? What if their kid ended up hating him? He remembered what Mikasa told him on her 16th birthday-‘I wish you weren’t my father. Anyone else on the planet would be a better father than you.’
Before his thoughts could seriously spiral out of control Eren came waddling into his home office, “What are you doing up here?”
“Nothing love trying to finish up some work. Is everything ok?”
“Mm, we are perfect. I just got off the phone with my mom.”
“Oh? How is she?”
Eren shrugged. “Fine. She and my dad are thinking of moving closer.”
Levi felt his eyebrows lift. Eren’s parents lived about 3 hours away. “No shit. How close is close?”
Eren blushed. “Welllll remember last week when we took that detour through that neighborhood and we saw that house for sale?”
Levi nodded. The neighborhood Eren mentioned was about 5 minutes away.
“I kind of sorta maybe sent them a picture of it and they loved it so much that they put in an offer.”
“Wow. Good for them.”
“You aren’t mad?”
“Why would I be mad? I like your parents.”
“I know. It’s just my mom is already saying how if they move she’ll be over every day, and I know how much you like privacy.”
“I think you are overthinking things. It might be nice to have them closer and helping out.” Plus he thought to himself Carla and Grisha could pick up whatever mess he would surely make.
“Phew. I’m glad you said that. I promise I won’t let her go crazy. Maybe we should get her and Hange like a monkey or something to raise and take care of.”
Yeah or maybe he should raise a monkey and let Carla and Hange raise his kid.
Eren smiled brightly at him. “Wanna go get dinner? I’m craving that Italian place.”
He stood up. “Yeah, that sounds good. We can even order and bring home dessert.”
A week later Levi decided to come early. Things had been getting crazy. They had just finished painting the nursery; all that was left was the furniture to be delivered. Carla and Grisha bought the house down the street from them and asked himself and Eren to go over and start renovations. Well they weren’t doing the renovations they hired people but they had to go over and let the contractors in and make sure they did what they were supposed to. He was also working more so he didn’t have to work a lot after the baby came. He was so tired that he fell asleep as soon as he laid in bed.
Levi wasn’t surprised to hear crying when he came home. Eren was a little more emotional than normal; he cried at every little thing. Just the other day he had a breakdown because he cut his sandwich wrong. He wondered what it could be this time. A commercial? finishing a chip bag? His blanket wasn’t on right?
He was surprised to find Eren sitting in the middle of the empty nursery crying. Gods he hoped he still liked the color. It would be a pain in the ass to have to repaint it. “What’s wrong? Can’t get up?” Levi shouldn’t have said that. Eren wasn’t fond of his wise-cracking lately.
“No. I can get up whenever I want. What are you doing home?”
He shrugged and sat down next to Eren. “It’s been kind of hectic lately. I wanted to come home and spend some time together.”
Eren sniffled. “Oh. that’s really sweet.”
“Why are you crying? Did something happen?”
Eren wiped his nose with his jacket sleeve. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
Levi flicked Eren’s ear. “Lair. Do you still like the nursery color?”
Eren gasped, “What! Yes! I love this color. You like the color right?”
Levi quickly backtracked, “Yes yes, I love the color.” Especially since it took 8 weeks to pick it out. “Tell me what’s wrong. The furniture should be delivered next week.”
“It’s stupid,” Eren mumbled quietly.
“If it upset you it’s not stupid.”
Eren leaned on him. “I think our baby hates me.”
Levi was not expecting that. “What? They do not hate you.”
“They do! They never move or kick for me anymore! they probably know how nervous I am and think I’m gonna be a terrible parent! I mean they obviously love you! They are always kicking and moving whenever you talk!”
Oh, Levi suddenly felt like shit “Eren. That's not true. They love you. You are doing everything for them. They probably hate the sound of my voice and kicking and moving to get me to stop. They are most definitely comforted by you.”
Eren sniffled. “Maybe… I don’t know I thought I was excited to be a parent but I’ve been talking to my mom more and I realized I have no idea what I’m doing! I mean I can read all the books I want but that’s nothing compared to actually having a baby. What if I make a mistake that screws up our kid forever?! What if they hate me?”
Levi chuckled. “Can I tell you something?”
“Sure but I don’t think anything is gonna make me feel better.”
He kissed the top of Eren’s head. “I feel the exact same way.”
Eren looked up at him. “What? You’re joking.”
“I’m serious. I’m terrified. What if I’m a shitty father? I have no idea what I’m doing. I bought some books on fatherhood and read them during my lunch.”
Eren lightly laughed. “Really? But you're already a father!”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t there for the first five years of Mikasa’s life. Even then I only saw her a few times out of the year. I wasn't exactly the best father… I’m getting a second chance here.”
“You did the best you could with the situation you were given. Sorry to say but you’re stuck with the 2 of us. No backing out.”
“I wouldn’t want it any other way. I want to be here for everything. Sleepless nights crying dirty diapers vomit everything. I’m in for the long haul.”
“Good. I wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else. For the record, I don’t think you’ll be a shitty father. I won’t let you.”
“Mmm, you are good at keeping me in line. I just read something that said at the end of the day all that matters is that our baby is cared for and loved.”
“I think we got that covered. We can figure out the rest together right?”
“Of course. Besides we won’t be alone. Your parents are moving closer they are more than happy to help and give advice. I’m also pretty sure Hange is going to try and move in with us.”
“Yeah. I just can’t believe they just hand people newborn babies and say ‘here you go! They are your responsibility!’ You should have told me you were freaking out. I could have helped.”
“I wasn’t freaking out. But yeah I should have told you. I was just scared that you’d think I wasn’t good enough and leave me.”
Eren flicked his nose. “Idiot. I’d never leave you. We both need you.”
Levi felt a huge weight lifted off his chest. “I love you.” He bent down and kissed Eren’s stomach. “Both of you. More than you’ll ever know.”
Eren sighed happily. “I love you too.” He patted his stomach. “You’ll just have to deal with us, baby. Mistakes and all. Maybe don’t judge us too hard. We are trying.” Eren looked around. “Hmmm now that I think about it maybe I don’t like this color…”
Levi groaned and stood up. “Let’s get out of here. The color is perfect. Let’s get something to eat.”
Eren stayed sitting. Blushing.
Levi chuckled to himself “You can’t get up can you?”
“Noooo. Ok maybe.”
Levi helped him up and kissed him on the lips. “We are in this together. How badly could we possibly screw this kid up? As long as they have my brains they’ll be fine.”
Eren smiled. “Your brains and my confidence. The world isn’t ready.”
Levi sure was. He couldn’t wait. He would make sure things would work out perfectly.