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One day, while Bucky and Clint find themselves training at the same time in the shooting range, the archer can’t help but ask a question he’s been dying to know the answer to for quite a while. He thinks for a few minutes how he can inquire without being too blunt or insensitive, but in the end, decides to just go for it and ask directly. Worst that could happen is that Barnes chooses not to answer.
“Hey, do you ever hear ‘the Winter Soldier’ in your head anymore?”
Barton dares to ask with just the tiniest bit of trepidation, hoping not to upset the Sergeant with his question. Last thing he wants is to have the other’s gun aimed at him in retaliation for approaching such a sensitive topic.
As far as he knows, it’s not exactly a voice per se (like someone with schizophrenia might experience), but something kind of similar that seems to have been present inside Bucky’s head in the past. At least, as far as the man claims to remember. Of course, no one has dared to contest his words. But if that’s still the case, it remains a mystery to him, thus why he wanted to ask, to begin with.
“Sometimes,” Barnes admits after a moment of contemplative silence, a thousand-mile long stare aimed at the faraway paper sheet hanging at the other side of the range.
Meanwhile, with practiced motions, he absentmindedly prepares his gun.
If during that silent pause before replying, the younger (older) man was figuring out what to answer, or if he was just deciding whether to answer at all or not, Clint can’t be sure. Still, the former circus member is glad to get a response, as short and curt as it was.
That bit of curiosity satiated and dealt with, Barton thinks with relief, thanking whatever god watches over him for keeping the other man calm and collected.
Still, just like a cat, Clint’s curiosity manages to get the better of him once again, spurring him to ask further.
“What does he say?”
Hawkeye prompts further, unable to hold back the impulse. He knows he’s delving into dangerous territory, yet he can’t help himself.
He wants to know more, especially since the ex-Winter Soldier seems to be in an amicable mood and open to conversation, despite the disturbing subject being discussed.
“Sometimes, he makes plans to kill everyone in a ten-foot radio,” begins the Sarge with solemn honesty, holding nothing back in his confession of the truth, eyes still glued to his paper target.
Wherever Bucky’s mind has taken him to seems to be quite a disgruntling place. However, the somber façade doesn’t last for long.
“Other times, he reminds me to pick up flowers for Blake, when I’m out on the grounds, ‘cause Blake likes flowers.”
The admission is made with a faint smile adorning Bucky’s lips, contrasting harshly with the previous statement. Despite that, the second expression looks more at home in the man’s features nowadays.
Nevertheless, the second part of the former assassin’s answer stunts Barton, since the latter wasn’t expecting that something so wholesome could be said by someone who used to be a ruthless killer. Never mind the fact that said killer is but a figment of Barnes’ broken mind. A consciousness that has been abused into splitting itself, leaving behind only remains of more than one entity.
But even then, it’s obvious that whatever piece of the past still clings to Barnes, is not enough to negate his recovery progress. That very same proof can be found in his budding relationship with Blake.
After experiencing for several months how gentle and loving the war veteran can be with and towards his girlfriend, Clint couldn’t be surprised to learn that that’s how Bucky thinks. But it turns out that, apparently, that’s how the Winter Soldier thinks too.
That only serves to prove that the love Barnes feels for the younger woman is so wholeheartedly intense that it has bled into the Hydra assassin’s remaining bits of dissonant “consciousness”. Truly a miracle, in its own sense.
In the end, after each practiced in comfortable silence their shooting skills with their respective choice of weaponry, Clint leaves the room in the opposite direction that Bucky takes, mulling over the conversation he had with his teammate.
The only conclusion he arrives at is that even when it’s sad that there’s a part of that “monster” that Buck can’t get rid of, at least he has enough of a good influence in his life from his girlfriend and his friends in order to feel better and more stable. Not letting said monster take over again.