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It was a Tuesday in January when Seungmin realised he was in love. Or at least that his crush was getting way too big to ignore at this stage. It was a Tuesday in January when Hyunjin showed up at Seungmin's dorm room door, his long hair (he’d been growing it out) windswept with a few strands fallen in front of his eyes, holding a notebook in his hands.
“Hey! I made you notes from English,” Hyunjin said, holding the notebook in his hands out towards Seungmin to take. “And I brought you soup.” He slung his bag off of one shoulder and opened the zipper to go rooting for it.
Seungmin had texted Hyunjin earlier this morning saying that he probably shouldn’t go to their English lecture, the only class they had together; they both took it as an elective. As much as Seungmin hated missing class, he’d hate even more to be an interruption with his constant sneezing and sniffling.
A little part of Seungmin soared at hearing Hyunjin did that for him, butterflies fluttering in his stomach.
He took the notebook off Hyunjin and flipped it open.
Seungmin felt his heart pang. Hyunjin had taken notes from the class for him almost identically to the way Seungmin writes. Down to the colour coding, a side section on new words he didn’t recognise with their meanings and pronunciations, a summary of the class at the bottom of the page. Seungmin didn’t even know Hyunjin knew how to use highlighters.
He knows it’s probably not a big deal: it’s courtesy of friends to share notes when you miss class, and it wasn’t like Hyunjin had travelled far considering he lives down the hall. But Seungmin couldn’t help but be a little in love with the boy stood at his door with soup and class notes and the prettiest hair he’s ever seen.
“Ah, here it is,” Hyunjin announced as he pulled a carton of soup out of his bag and looked up at Seungmin. “Shit, you look red. Are you okay?”
Hyunjin reached his free hand out to touch Seungmin’s cheek to check for a temperature but Seungmin quickly leaned out of the way.
“I’m—” His voice came out as a squeak so he cleared his throat. “I’m fine! I promise.”
Hyunjin dropped his hand and nodded, though he still held a worried expression.
“Do you want me to heat it up for you? I can if you need—”
“No!” Seungmin interrupted and smiled at him softly. “It’s okay. Thank you so much for the soup.”
“Oh, okay,” Hyunjin mumbled, scratching the back of his neck. “Well, I’m just down the hall as ever if you need anything! I have practice at four but if you want company after that just let me know.”
Seungmin nodded and put a hand on the door. “I’ll text you. Have fun at practice. Bye!”
Hyunjin’s goodbye was cut short by Seungmin closing the door.
Seungmin sighed.
And then he did what any rational person would do when they realise something as monumental as being in love with your best friend: he ate his soup and went back to bed.
Hyunjin did end up coming over, but it seemed like he did so just to fall asleep on the bed by the time Seungmin’s laptop played the end of the movie they put on. He was passed out with his head against the wall and hugging one of the bed pillows, his hair still slightly wet from his shower after dance practice. Seungmin grabbed another pillow and carefully placed it between Hyunjin’s head and the wall, hoping that would stop any cramps from Hyunjin sleeping like that. He put on a soft playlist and opened a game on his phone.
That was how Jeongin found them when he opened the door of their dorm room. Seungmin immediately signalled him and pointed to Hyunjin, just so Jeongin didn’t get an idea to ruin the quiet mood with his screaming and wake up Hyunjin. Even though not even an earthquake could wake up a passed out Hyunjin. Seungmin got an eye-roll in return.
“Felix is starting to live in single room, you know, with how often Hyunjin is over here,” Jeongin pointed out.
Seungmin glared at him. “Felix could always join us, he knows that.”
“Ah yes, four people in a double room is a great solution,” Jeongin joked. “But you know he wouldn’t interrupt.”
Seungmin overtly does not think about what that is supposed to mean.
“It should not be that easy to make you blush,” Jeongin jeered, before quickly curling up to defend himself against Seungmin’s pillow attack. “Hey! Hey! Stop it!”
Seungmin sighed and stopped, sitting up to put the cushion back in its position behind him.
“Just make sure he goes home at some point or Felix will call me back over for more cuddling.” Jeongin shivered in horror. It was for show, Seungmin knew. They all loved Felix’s hugs, even if it was a secret.
“I will, I will.”
Hyunjin woke up not too long later and Seungmin sent him back down the corridor to his room with a short hug and a goodnight.
“Oh, Felix!” Seungmin called to the boy sitting across from him on their table, one of the few times a week they get to eat together. Felix’s head shot up to listen. “Would you model for me for my photography project? I need a dancer for my concept.”
Felix swallowed the food in his mouth and his face lifted in a smile. “Of course! That sounds cool, I—Ow!” Felix suddenly tensed up and hissed, leaning down to rub his leg. He immediately righted himself and coughed.
“Um, actually I don’t think I can, I’m so sorry,” he said with an exaggerated frown. “But there’s plenty of other dancers you could work with!” he cheered. “Some of whom you’re actually really close with. Huh. Look at that.”
Seungmin glared at him, then shifted the angry look to Jeongin who was sitting beside Felix. He held an innocent look on his face but Seungmin knew better.
“Oh! Hey, Hyunjin!” Jeongin called giddily.
Hyunjin brushed past him as he sat down in the seat next to Seungmin, putting his lunch down on the table. Hyunjin greeted them all and then sent Seungmin a short smile.
When Hyunjin’s attention was directed to unpacking his lunch, Seungmin looked up to find eyes trained on his, accompanied by a light kick in the shin. Jeongin’s eyes were wide to try and communicate something to Seungmin, as if the earlier conversation hadn’t been telling enough. Jeongin kicked him again and nodded to Hyunjin.
Seungmin looked up to the heavens for strength but after a final glare from Jeongin saying ‘if you don’t do it I will’ he decided to get it over with.
“Hey Hyunjin, could you model for me? For a project?” Seungmin asked to the boy beside him.
Hyunjin was hit with a coughing fit as he struggled to collect himself.
“I—Yes, I’d love to!” He smiled, wide and sincere, punctuated by one last cough.
“Cool! Friday? You don’t have practice then, right?”
Hyunjin nodded in return. Seungmin avidly avoided Felix and Jeongin’s gazes as he knew their faces would be painted with teasing expressions and he finished his lunch, Jeongin eventually giving up on trying to meet his eyes and starting up a conversation again among them.
Hyunie 💕
seungminnniiiiieeeeeeeee
what do you want me to wear later?
Seungmin choked on his water as he read the notification banner that interrupted his scrolling through Instagram. None of those thoughts, Seungmin, shut up.
Minnie 🐶
The concept is movement so anything flowing or loose would be good!
And I got these white cloth things for you to dance with
Hyunie 💕
👀 ill see what i come up with
studio 3?
Minnie 🐶
Yes, see you then<3
Seungmin came earlier than the time he gave Hyunjin. Initially it was just to set up before he gets there but Seungmin had been ready for almost ten minutes now, so he was humming to nothing in particular while scrolling through his phone.
Seungmin heard the heavy door brush open as Hyunjin walked in and sent a little wave to the boy sitting on the floor. His breath hitched as he looked up.
Hyunjin was in a loose fitting white shirt that was tucked into black leather trousers and Seungmin was regretting everything in his life that led up to this moment.
“You look really pretty,” Seungmin rushed. Normal greetings of ‘Hello’ and ‘How are you?’ completely slipped from Seungmin’s thoughts. To be quite honest, he didn’t deem them necessary at all in this moment.
“Oh, thank you,” Hyunjin said and he had the absolute audacity to look genuinely appreciative of the compliment.
Seungmin pushed himself up off of the floor and grabbed the material from the chair beside him.
“These are the things I mentioned,” Seungmin explained as he lifted up the material. It fell down in long strips of tulle, almost like a veil: white in colour yet almost sheer. “I thought it would be nice to show movement if you twirled them.”
Hyunjin walked over to touch the material and nodded. “I think it’ll look lovely.”
Seungmin wasn’t sure whether the tulle would be the lovely part but he made a mental note to thank Mingi in fashion design again for the help.
“I’m all set up, so we can go whenever you’re ready.”
Hyunjin took the material from Seungmin and walked out under the standing lights, the shine taking the little bits of gold in his brown hair and setting them on fire.
Seungmin took one look through the viewfinder of his camera and was immediately rewarded for all his work and research. The plastic filters he attached in front of the lens painted the scene in soft shades and made Hyunjin look like he was in a sea of colour.
A tune broke the air and Seungmin saw Hyunjin step back from where he had just put his phone on the ground out of shot.
“It’s awkward dancing without music,” Hyunjin snorted. “You’d zoom in on the photos later and my face would be doing something weird out of awkwardness.”
“Your face is always weird,” Seungmin jabbed.
Hyunjin stuck his tongue out at him and Seungmin found himself relieved that Hyunjin knew he was lying.
At Seungmin’s word, Hyunjin started to pose and dance, holding the material delicately in his hands. Seungmin had worried about the tulle, whether it would be too long for Hyunjin to dance with without tripping over it (he’d even brought a scissors just in case, which he’d rather not use and have to explain it to Mingi, even if Mingi did still owe him a favour), but Hyunjin moved like it was an extension of his arms. The tulle trailed his movements, making them continue for eternity: the lasting effect of being moved by Hwang Hyunjin.
They flowed like that for the afternoon, taking still shots to allow Hyunjin to rest (“If I keep spinning like this I’m gonna pass out and then throw up.” “How do you do those in that order?” “Shut up.”) Seungmin switched up the filters and each one looked just as good as the last, as if the colours bent to Hyunjin’s will, just as in control of them as his own body.
A ding from Hyunjin’s phone cut off Been Through by Exo for a moment and the two of them laughed, the mood changing in a second from model and photographer to dumb friends.
“If that’s Jisung just block him,” Hyunjin called as Seungmin walked towards the phone. He hunched down, giggling, as he picked up the phone, typing in the passcode to check the notification.
“It’s Felix,” Seungmin reported. “He’s staying with Chan and Changbin for dinner, so you’re on your own.”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes and muttered something like “not surprised”.
“He didn’t say the ‘you’re on your own’ bit, I just gathered that that’s what he means,” Seungmin clarified.
“Yep, left all alone,” Hyunjin whined with an overdramatic sigh. “Left to starve… no Felix cooking…”
“If it makes you feel any better he said he’d bring home leftovers.”
Seungmin laughed loudly as Hyunjin continued to whine, now about the fact he’s been downgraded to leftovers while Chan and Changbin get the real deal.
“Calm down, you drama queen. We can have a pizza and movie night if you want?” Seungmin suggested. “I think Jeongin’s doing an all-nighter at Beomgyu’s for some project due.”
Hyunjin threw his arms up in the air and shouted “PIZZA!” like a six year old and Seungmin grinned at him before raising his arms too.
“Let’s finish up soon then and go.”
Seungmin expected Hyunjin to go back to his own room once they arrived at the college dorms, especially considering they’re on the same floor, but Hyunjin just followed him in, no hesitation before launching onto his bed. Seungmin went to his wardrobe and picked out pyjamas and one of his favourite red hoodies and threw them at Hyunjin, who smiled in a silent thanks.
“Because you’re too lazy to go down the hall,” Seungmin bit.
“You have softer hoodies than me,” Hyunjin replied. “What is a boy to do?”
A debate on who had to go down to the door to get the pizza later, Seungmin’s laptop sat on Jeongin’s vacant bed, the two of them sitting on the floor, backs up against Seungmin’s bed and a box of pizza in between them. Seungmin watched Hyunjin’s hand tear off a piece, fumbling with it as his attention was still on the movie he’d picked out.
(“You need to go get it, I’m in my pyjamas,” Hyunjin had argued. They’re my pyjamas, Seungmin had thought. My pyjamas, he had thought as he walked down and back up the stairs of the dorms, thinking of the boy in his pyjamas in his hoodie in his room.)
Mine, Seungmin thought now as he watched how the ends of his hoodie covered up to the knuckle of Hyunjin’s thumb.
Seungmin knew he was being a stereotype right now, playing out the exact trope of falling for your best friend, but he found himself watching the movie through Hyunjin’s familiar expressions: How his eyebrow furrowed, sometimes out of confusion, sometimes out of anger at what stupid decision the protagonist made. The way the short puff of air from his nose and the tiny little smile his mouth formed signified a successful joke. The way his eyes looked like they were made of glitter when something so cheesy and romantic happened that would make anyone else cringe but Hyunjin: He enjoyed those kinds of things.
Seungmin felt like he could make a film of Hyunjin’s profile, the story told entirely through his expressions. He wanted to record it and watch it back and study every blink and every twitch and figure out what it means.
When Hyunjin moved the empty pizza box and shuffled closer to Seungmin, too close to see his profile, Seungmin instead studied how Hyunjin’s hands fiddled with the sleeves of the hoodie.
When the credits rolled Hyunjin sighed and put his head on Seungmin’s shoulder.
“I love romance films like that but isn’t it weird how they only figure it all out at the end? Like he was head over heels for her from the start, I don’t know how she didn’t realise,” Hyunjin said with a scoff.
“Like you would realise in their position,” Seungmin jabbed.
Hyunjin stretched a foot out to kick him lightly, obviously not willing to retaliate any more than that.
“Now go home,” Seungmin poked Hyunjin’s arm. “I have big plans, including but not limited to: passing out on my bed and sleeping for twelve hours.”
Hyunjin turned his face to Seungmin’s neck and smiled into it. “A busy schedule. Wouldn’t want to interrupt you.” He let out a breathy laugh.
“Goodnight then,” Hyunjin said and made no attempt to move.
“You asleep there?” Seungmin asked.
“Jeongin’s out, right? I could just sleep here,” Hyunjin shyly stated. Asking without asking.
Seungmin paused. “Is Felix staying at Chan and Changbin’s?”
Hyunjin nodded. Seungmin rested his head on top of Hyunjin’s.
“Stay here, then,” he dropped a kiss to Hyunjin’s head. “And buy Jeongin some food later.”
Seungmin was almost certain he wouldn’t get his twelve hours of sleep when he could see Hyunjin’s hair tickle the edge of his nose as he slept, but he found he could sacrifice even sleep for some things.
Not much in Seungmin’s life took him by surprise. When he got an A for his photography project, he was happy, but not that shocked considering the work he put in. When Hyunjin screamed into the group chat that Minho and Jisung were going out, Seungmin could see it coming. But there were a few things that caught Seungmin unaware.
Hyunjin reached under the table to search for Seungmin’s hand and give it a squeeze, a comfort and apology for hitting his hand too hard while in an intense game of Halli Galli at their get together at Minho and Jisung’s apartment. Jisung had made a joke about Seungmin and Hyunjin; Seungmin being Seungmin, had hit Jisung anywhere he could reach. But, as soon as he sank back into his place, a hand found his under the table. What was even more surprising was the way Hyunjin’s touch lingered way longer than it should have, Seungmin only pulling away to flip his card once it was his turn.
Hyunjin moved his knee to the left to rest on Seungmin’s.
He was bordering on absent for the rest of the night, his brain fuzzy and his breathing uneven. They watched Tangled but Seungmin had his attention split on what felt like a thousand different things and couldn’t focus. He softly hummed along to ‘I See The Light’ and he felt Hyunjin lean towards him ever so slightly as if to hear him better and Seungmin felt like he was about to die. With one look to his left he found Jeongin’s eyes settled on him and knew his predicament was not going unnoticed.
Thankfully, his roommate didn’t interrogate him when they got back to their dorm, both of them passing out pretty soon after they walked through the door, but he couldn’t escape it for long. They were in one of the campus cafeterias a few days later having lunch, Hyunjin excusing himself to go to class and hurrying away with quick goodbye’s to Seungmin and Jeongin as he was definitely going to be late. Seungmin’s gaze followed Hyunjin as he ran out of the cafeteria and when his eyes trailed back to the boy in front of him, he was met with a look of disbelief.
“What?” Seungmin asked defensively.
“You’re like, in love in love with him,” Jeongin started. “Like completely—”
Seungmin tore off part of his sandwich and reached over to shove it into Jeongin’s mouth to shut him up.
“Yes, we get it. And?”
“And?” Jeongin repeated while chewing around the sandwich. He swallowed and continued. “He likes you back! So do something about it!”
Seungmin sat and took in what he said for a moment. “That’s literally a stupid idea I’d rather just sit here.”
Jeongin looked like he was about to hit him and Seungmin held in his laugh.
“It’s completely your fault if I leave you alone for practice to go to Minsung’s to play with the cats and heal from your idiocy,” Jeongin sighed as he rubbed his temples.
“Minsung?”
“Minho and Jisung. Keep up, bitch,” Jeongin retorted.
Seungmin stuck his tongue out at him before registering what else he had said. Practice. For the music showcase in a months time they were lucky enough to get a duet spot in as members of the college vocal ensemble.
“What time are we practicing again today?” Seungmin asked, taking the last bite of his sandwich.
“You are practicing at four,” Jeongin explained. “I am going to Minsung’s to pet the cats.”
“Doesn’t Minho work on Mondays? And Jisung will be with Chan doing all his music-y stuff,” Seungmin said, wiggling his fingers to charade ‘music-y stuff’.
“I’ll find a way in,” Jeongin announced with as much determination as an army general. “Those cats love me. They’ll help.”
Either Jeongin was unsuccessful in his attempt to infiltrate the Cats plus Minsung Household or he got over himself because just after four he trailed into the small practice space they booked.
“Ew, I hate presentations,” Jeongin whined as he dropped his bags on the floor. “Like, I spent hours putting all that information on the PowerPoint and now they want to listen to me say it all out loud? Can’t they read?”
Seungmin giggled as Jeongin collapsed onto a chair.
“Honestly, thank the heavens for Seokhwa,” Jeongin continued. “Beomgyu and I would’ve been screwed without him.”
Seungmin didn’t know who this Seokhwa was but, sure, thank the heavens for him.
“You ready to sing some Exo?” Seungmin asked as he plugged his phone into the speaker in the corner of the room.
“Always am.”
Seungmin noticed little things about Hyunjin sometimes that definitely didn’t make him giddy inside—not at all, he was a calm and collected adult. But sometimes Seungmin would sense Hyunjin’s focus on him rather than their English lecturer. And then Seungmin, under the pretence of asking Hyunjin a question, would turn to look at him and smile to himself at how Hyunjin’s cheeks were red, even despite the mild weather. Little moments that Seungmin gave himself to be set on fire from the inside.
When Hyunjin opened his dorm door, answering Jeongin’s knock, he was wearing Seungmin’s red hoodie: The same hoodie Seungmin had yet to get back after the night Hyunjin slept over.
“You’re wearing my hoodie,” Seungmin stated before Jeongin could get out the fact that they’re actually here for Felix.
Hyunjin pinked and stared at Seungmin before glancing down at the hoodie like he forgot about it. “Oh,” He started shyly. “I am, sorry. I’ll give it back soon!”
“Don’t,” Seungmin said quickly. "You look soft,” he added.
Hyunjin’s cheeks attempted to camouflage with the hoodie and Seungmin wanted to squish them. Or kiss them.
“I am also here,” Jeongin huffed. “Anyway. Felix!” he yelled into the room, making Hyunjin jump.
At a sign of life from Felix, Jeongin brushed into the room, leaving Hyunjin and Seungmin at the doorway. Hyunjin held the side of the door while he rested his head against it.
“You and Jeongin practicing?”
Seungmin nodded. “Yep. We’re borrowing Lix’s speaker because we’re in one of the small rooms.”
Hyunjin ‘ah’ed in understanding.
“Are you doing anything after? Felix is cooking so you could come over for a movie night?” Hyunjin asked to the floor but Seungmin guessed he was the intended recipient.
“I’m down,” Seungmin answered.
Hyunjin looked excited when he spoke, as if this wasn’t something they do every other week. “Cool, see you then.”
It was that moment that Jeongin reappeared.
“Okay. Times up, boyfies, we need to go practice,” Jeongin demanded, arms on Seungmin’s shoulders, directing them away. “Bye, Felix! Thanks for the speaker!” He cheered. “Bye, Hyunjin, also.”
Seungmin barely had the chance to wave before being barrelled down the hallway.
“Hey, let me go,” Seungmin called. “Why the rush?”
Jeongin glanced behind them, deemed them far enough away and then finally eased up. “Watching you two flirt was,” he shivered as he took the first step downstairs to reception. “Absolutely horrid, I couldn’t stand it.”
“We weren’t flirting.”
He was met with a scoff. “Sure.”
They opened the front door of their building, the wind mild but noticeable. They walked in tandem towards the west building that held the training rooms.
“Why don’t you do anything?” Jeongin asked after a moment of silence.
“What?” Seungmin questioned. He looked up from his shoes to see Jeongin, his cap shading his eyes from the sun where Seungmin had to squint.
“About Hyunjin,” He explained. “Why do you not act on it if it’s so obvious?”
Ah. Seungmin thought for a minute as they came closer to their destination.
“I like how he treats me now, there’s no need to rush it.”
Then it was Jeongin’s turn to think in silence as they reached the doors.
Jeongin sighed as he pushed open the entrance. “I don’t know if I’d have that patience.”
Seungmin followed him in and replied, “It doesn’t require patience if I like the wait.”
He fell into Jeongin’s step as they walked to the room.
“Also it’s fun to watch him panic,” Seungmin said, immediately breaking the tension. Jeongin snorted. He pushed open the door of the practice room and they wandered in, Jeongin placing his bag on the desk.
“He is astronomically stupid.” Jeongin said, in a way you only can with a lot of love for said astronomically stupid person. Seungmin couldn’t help but agree.
“Yes he is.”
“Ew, stop smiling like that. I’m gonna puke,” Jeongin mimed. “How does he not see how whipped you are?”
Seungmin laughed, “I don’t know, honestly. But I think he’s starting to come around.”
Felix cooked chilli and Seungmin almost kissed him when he and Jeongin waddled into their room. Felix cooked in the communal kitchen down the hall but for movie nights they often placed the pot on the floor of the room and all huddled around it like witches over a cauldron.
Jeongin was immediately taken captive by Felix and was squished beside him on one side of the pot. Seungmin sent a small smile to Hyunjin before sliding down beside him. Hyunjin was still in the hoodie and Seungmin tried to not notice it.
The movie tonight was The Incredibles (Felix’s choice) and Seungmin was not at all mad about it.
The chilli pot was emptied a while through the movie, and after Hyunjin’s confession that Violet’s boyfriend was a baby crush of his, everyone started to pay less attention to the film and more to the stupid conversation they had begun.
“Okay, but for the longest time I’d never seen any other Shreks,” Felix explained. “I only ever saw the first one until Changbin found out and pinned me down to watch the others because,” he air-quoted, “‘Shrek jokes are the foundation of my personality’.”
Seungmin laughed wide while Jeongin slapped his leg repeatedly and Hyunjin cackled so loud he lost the ability to sit up straight and it was left on Seungmin to keep his weight.
Hyunjin wiped a tear. “Ugh, Changbin is just too much sometimes.”
Once they’d relaxed a little and Hyunjin had learned how to use his body again, Jeongin asked: “How are Chan and Changbin doing for the show?”
Felix is their link to the two of them when their schedules don’t match up well enough to hang out a lot.
“They’re doing well I think!” Felix cheered. “Still have somehow managed to keep their song a secret from me but they’re not stressed about it, thank God.”
Seungmin smirked. “Keeping it secret is necessary! It’s part of the magic.”
“So what are you two doing then?” Felix questioned. He was looking sneakily at them, waving a pointing finger between them.
Seungmin looked at Jeongin. “It’s an EXO song, that’s all you’re getting from us!”
Felix and Hyunjin both went wide eyed and their mouths fell open in over-dramatised shock.
“Is it ‘Tempo’?” Felix joked, launching to his feet to mess around with the choreography. Hyunjin joined him and attempted to sing every part of the track at once before they collapsed back down in a heap of giggles.
“It could be!” Seungmin said through a laugh. “I’m not saying anything more!” He mimed zipping his mouth shut.
Seungmin felt something brush by his side, the air suddenly warmer as he realised Hyunjin had leant into him to whisper. As Hyunjin’s breath hit his ears, Seungmin’s breath stuttered.
“‘For life’, right?” he heard, so quietly and delicately placed by his ear.
Seungmin shot away and looked at Hyunjin, who sat there with a sly smile.
“How did you know?” Seungmin asked, hoping how red his face is can pass as surprise and nothing else.
Hyunjin said calmly, “You’ve been humming it when you’re sleepy.”
Seungmin had never had so many thoughts at once and yet all of them said the exact same thing.
“Now I’m the only one who doesn’t know,” Felix whined, breaking Seungmin out of his thoughts and making him look away from Hyunjin. “This is bi erasure.”
Jeongin laughed as he hit Felix on the shoulder. “Relax, it’s only two weeks away. You can wait.”
“Fine,” Felix huffed, taking Jeongin’s arm in both of his and hugging it, continuing to sulk in true Felix fashion.
Their energy lulled to a stage where they found their worn little heads focusing back on the film, not able to hold much conversation any more. Jeongin and Hyunjin were shoulder to shoulder, Felix cuddled next to Jeongin. Seungmin let his head fall against Hyunjin’s shoulder.
Seungmin watched Hyunjin’s hand twitch and drum patterns onto his leg distractedly, obviously worrying about something more stressing than a movie they’ve all seen a dozen times. Seungmin silently moved a hand over to Hyunjin’s, stilling it. With a rub of his thumb he felt Hyunjin’s shoulders relax more. Hyunjin squeezed his hand, tightly, just once, and then loosened it.
When Seungmin and Jeongin left, Hyunjin stood at the door, arm stretched the furthest it could reach before letting go of Seungmin’s hand.
It only took a short while for Seungmin to realise Hyunjin was his in every way except…well, said aloud. Everyone was affectionate, but for Hyunjin, Seungmin knew he was different. Seungmin could feel the way Hyunjin held his hand differently than Jisung and Felix. Everyone was loving and generous and thoughtful to the ones they cared about, but for Hyunjin, Seungmin knew he was different.
Maybe that was the root of it: Seungmin watching Hyunjin push a second drink he bought over the table to Jeongin. Seungmin watching him skip, hand-in-hand with Felix. Seungmin watching him giggle as he picked out the leaves caught in Chan’s hair. Hyunjin showing up at his dorm room with soup and class notes.
Seungmin watching Hyunjin and seeing nothing but good. Then, Hyunjin looking him in the eye and suddenly everything being itself and more. Like Hyunjin, after everything, was looking back at Seungmin and asking if he’s doing well.
Seungmin was terrified that his answer to that would mean so much.
Seungmin’s phone rang and he answered on the third ring, just to annoy Hyunjin because he could.
“Seungmiiiiinnnnnnn,” Hyunjin whined from the other line.
“Hi, Jinnie.” Seungmin spoke quietly because it was almost midnight and Jeongin was sleepily doing his fifteen step skin routine.
“I can’t sleep and Felix is boring,” Hyunjin started. He heard a quiet grunt through the phone and assumed Felix was not happy with that comment.
Seungmin snorted. “Why can’t you sleep? I’m the one performing tomorrow.” He laid down on his bed, turning to face the wall.
“I’m excited,” he heard in response, mumbled like Hyunjin had his face smushed against his pillow.
“You should be,” Seungmin said. “Jeongin and I have quite a show planned.”
He heard giggles on the other end. “I bet you do.”
After a moment of silence, Hyunjin spoke again. “Can I get a sneak peek? So I can sleep.”
Seungmin internally debated for a while but decided to give Hyunjin what he wanted. He hummed the chorus, knowing it so well at this point, before switching to singing the lyrics, just for the last line to let ‘for life’ resonate in the quiet.
“Now go to sleep,” Seungmin ordered.
Hyunjin hummed. “Okay. Goodnight.”
Seungmin rolled over onto his back the same time Jeongin emerged from the bathroom, face newly blued with whatever mask he was into recently.
“Whipped,” Jeongin scoffed at him.
Seungmin threw one of his cushions vaguely in the direction of his roommate before realising his mistake, now owing Jeongin an ice-cream for giving the pillow back to him.
Being backstage at a college music showcase was generally less exciting that one would hope or imagine. Seungmin and Jeongin finished the sound check of their set, and then were left alone to try find a piece of floor to sit on, eating take away McDonalds, and hoping they weren’t in the way of anyone. Luckily, as Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were all performing, too, they stuck together. It’s much easier to look like you’re meant to be there when there’s five people, not just two.
Chan checked his phone and spoke up, “An hour ’til curtains up.”
A chorus of “ooh”s started around the circle, Changbin hitting Jisung’s arm excitedly before he was yelled at.
“I’m so nervous,” Jisung confessed, smiling awkwardly. Seungmin could feel that, too; his stomach too heavy to carry.
Chan put a hand to Jisung’s leg. “You’ll be fine, you’re great.”
“What happened to the old Jisung, blessed with the spirit of hip-hop?” Jeongin questioned mockingly.
Jisung sent a glare his way. “He was a fool, that’s what.”
The group laughed and Jisung looked that bit calmer, happy to relax into his usual role of making everyone laugh and not think about performing later.
“We heard your set,” Seungmin reassured Jisung, “and you did so well. You’ll be great.”
Jeongin nodded. “We wouldn’t let you go out there if you weren’t good. The shame.”
Jisung stretched his leg out to kick Jeongin’s, sulking with his whole face. “Rude.”
It was a short while later when their phones all buzzed almost simultaneously. Three messages in their group chat from their three friends in the audience now. Seungmin smiled at the insane amount of hearts in Hyunjin and Felix’s texts that filled up the entire screen. Minho also sent a weird reaction sticker that he guessed he was thankful for but would rather not think about. A minute later his phone buzzed again.
Hyunie 💕
good luck Minnie!!!! 💕 💕 💕 💕 💕
Seungmin responded with just some heart emojis, slightly worried that if he was to say anything more he’d scream out of nervousness. Every other minute he would glance at it the text again, just to let the tightness in his chest be caused by something other than nerves.
Chan and Changbin were called out first and the rest of them tried their best to listen to what they could hear of it a few rooms over. It was difficult to hear but from watching their rehearsal, Seungmin knew they’d being doing well. CB97 and SpearB were born performers, Seungmin giggled to himself.
When they returned after the stage, the rest of them gave hugs and congratulations quickly before Seungmin and Jeongin were called to stand-by. Seungmin tried not to sink into Chan’s hug.
“You ready?” Jeongin asked with a smirk as they were handed their microphones.
Seungmin took a long breath and nodded. “Always.”
Jeongin was there, he’d be fine.
On the crew’s cue, Seungmin and Jeongin walked out onto the stage and Seungmin tried not to laugh when he spotted their three friends in the audience, cheering louder than anyone else, as expected. Seungmin glanced at them quickly then back to Jeongin and smiled. He could do this for them.
Once the stage lights were blinding him, and the sound system was bursting with the music he knew so well, it was very easy to get whisked up in the surroundings. He couldn’t see anything except Jeongin and the brightness around them, and couldn’t hear anything but the two of them, so it became just as familiar as always.
His heart kept racing even after the song finished and the lights dimmed. He blinked the brightness out of his eyes and shuffled over to the centre of the stage. He caught a quick glance of his friends again and held Jeongin’s hand as they bowed.
Jisung passed them to perform himself as they left the stage and Seungmin sent him a smile. Jeongin and Jisung high-fived and Seungmin grinned fondly.
“We did it!” Jeongin launched at him in a hug and Seungmin held him closely.
“We did it,” Seungmin repeated softly.
“Your boy was amazed, anyway,” Jeongin smirked as he stepped away from the hug.
“He’s not…” Seungmin started before he stopped himself. Hyunjin kind of was his boy.
Instead of continuing what he was going to say he decided on hitting Jeongin’s arm.
“Compelling argument there. Want me to write it down so we can remember it forever?” Jeongin jeered.
Seungmin sighed. “We just finished performing a second ago and you’re already back to this.”
“The voice of reason doesn’t take a day off,” Jeongin bragged.
They stayed side stage to watch Jisung’s performance, watching him move around the stage, singing with all of his heart. They were joined by Changbin and Chan, who quietly gave them hugs of congratulations while they listened to Jisung. When Jisung finished and came side stage, he ran straight into the group of them with his arms out for a hug. Seungmin patted his head as they walked backstage again.
They were soon split up to talk to others and to go to the audience floor now that the event was over, so Seungmin opened up his phone.
Minnie 🐶
Come backstage?
The nervousness, from the heaviness in his stomach to the buzzing at his fingertips, shifted to excitement now that the show was over. Although the adrenaline of being on stage was definitely something to chase after—something to live for— the giddy feeling of the aftermath was just as overwhelming and euphoric, Seungmin thought. He felt light and silly, and he wanted to scream and sleep and feel everything at once.
His phone buzzed.
Hyunie 💕
yes im runningmnn
So eloquent.
Seungmin made his way over to Jeongin a bit further down the hallway. They didn’t say anything, just smiled too big to be sane.
They were only stood together a moment before he heard footsteps above the humming of conversations scattered around the hall.
Seungmin turned his head in the direction of the sound and smiled. Hyunjin was stood there, looking right at Seungmin through the gaps of people stood around. He was wearing a shiny shirt and black jeans and his hair was loose around his shoulders, some of it dangling around his nose but he didn’t seem to be aware of it.
Jeongin tapped Seungmin on the shoulder, leaving with a short “good luck with your boy” before making his way down the hallway, hugging Hyunjin quickly and then turning the corner.
Seungmin felt his smile grow more and more with each step Hyunjin took.
“Minnie, that was…you. You!” Hyunjin mumbled. Seungmin felt like if he touched Hyunjin he’d feel him shaking.
“You were amazing and you are so talented and I…” Hyunjin trailed off and glanced down at his hands.
Seungmin now saw that he was holding a single pink rose in his hands. He held it delicately between his fingers but he was gripping it for dear life. As if dropping it would break his heart.
He held up the flower to Seungmin and met Seungmin’s eyes again.
“This is for you,” Hyunjin said carefully, each word tied together with string.
Seungmin’s vision went blurry, whether from smiling too wide, or if some tears had gathered there, he didn’t know. He didn’t really care either.
He took the rose off Hyunjin, brushing the petals with his fingertips, before taking Hyunjin’s hand and dragging them down the hallway, further away from the auditorium. Hyunjin squeaked in surprise but followed behind Seungmin.
“Where are we going?”
“Does it matter?” Seungmin replied. It didn’t matter to Seungmin, he just needed to get out. He was not having this moment around dozens of random people. He deserves better than that.
He heard Hyunjin softly agree. Seungmin squeezed his hand.
Once they found themselves in a vacant corridor, Seungmin stopped and turned around, facing Hyunjin again. Seungmin met Hyunjin’s eyes and stifled a giggle while he watched Hyunjin shy away and try to look elsewhere.
Seungmin reached up to place his hand on Hyunjin’s cheek. Hyunjin jolted and looked close to panic for a moment before he relaxed, moving his face slightly to coax Seungmin into stroking his cheek with his thumb.
“You are literally shaking,” Seungmin teased.
Hyunjin pouted and hit him lightly on the arm. “Stop making fun of me.”
“When would I ever have fun then?” Seungmin pouted, too, but for dramatic effect. And to tease Hyunjin more.
Hyunjin whined. “You are so mean to me; why do I even like you?”
“You didn’t even tell me you like me!” Seungmin giggled. “You really wiggled your way out of a confession there.”
“I gave you a rose!” Hyunjin cried. “That is universally understood as a confession!”
Seungmin laughed and patted Hyunjin’s cheek. “Alright, whatever you say. I guess I owe you a response then?”
Hyunjin looked at him with all of his attention and Seungmin could see and feel every ounce of hope and fear Hyunjin was harbouring. As if even after all of this, he still wasn’t certain of Seungmin’s answer.
“Is it alright if I kiss you, Jinnie?”
Hyunjin smiled shyly and nodded and Seungmin leant in and kissed him. Kissed his boy.
My boy, Seungmin thought as he was pulled forward by the waist.
My boy, Seungmin thought as his breath caught in his throat when his lip was caught between Hyunjin’s teeth.
His boy. Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin Hyunjin.
Seungmin laughed as he pulled away for air.
Our minds can hold an infinite amount of thoughts and our hearts can hold an infinite amount of feelings and he is so many of them.
“Hyunjin,” Seungmin breathed out.
Hyunjin smiled so wide, Seungmin felt so dizzy.
“You…” Hyunjin started as he rubbed a thumb under Seungmin’s eye. He danced a finger down Seungmin’s nose and Seungmin scrunched it in retaliation. “You are so cute.”
The buzzing was back.
“You’re the one shaking now,” Hyunjin teased.
Seungmin shook his head but Hyunjin’s hand stayed on his cheek. “I’m just excited. I got to kiss the Hwang Hyunjin.”
Seungmin swooned. Hyunjin rolled his eyes before tugging Seungmin into a hug.
“How long have you wanted to kiss me?” Hyunjin asked. Seungmin smiled at the sound of his voice: weakened by his shyness.
Seungmin spoke into his neck. “Since first year.”
He felt Hyunjin freeze. “But we met in first year?”
Seungmin stood back and, with a glance at Hyunjin’s face, was sent half way to the floor with his laugh. Every look back up to Hyunjin’s face made Seungmin cackle even more.
“Stop laughing!” Hyunjin whined through his pout. “This is a lot to take at once.”
Seungmin cupped Hyunjin’s face with his hands once again, letting out a final giggle. He stood up on his tip-toes to kiss Hyunjin’s forehead.
“We have time.”
Their friends teased them when they joined the group in the auditorium and cheered for them when Seungmin dragged Hyunjin to dance once they got to the college bar.
“Our friends are idiots,” Seungmin snorted once they’d found a space on the floor to dance, away from the centre but far enough from where their friends were sat.
“Yes they are,” Hyunjin nodded. “But we’re idiots, too, so it fits.”
“Speak for yourself.” Seungmin stuck his tongue out at him.
Hyunjin rolled his eyes and pulled Seungmin in by the waist to dance to some soft pop song Seungmin didn’t recognise. Seungmin rested his hands on Hyunjin’s shoulders.
Seungmin tried to meet Hyunjin’s eyes, only to find them settled on his lips. He smirked.
“If I kiss you in public like this you’re going to get super shy,” Seungmin warned.
Hyunjin jolted in surprise, but immediately denied what Seungmin predicted.
“No I won’t!”
So Seungmin quickly kissed him, gone in a moment. Hyunjin immediately covered his face with his hands and started to sink to the floor. Seungmin grabbed his arms in an attempt to keep him standing.
“You’re shy about kissing in public and yet you’d sit on the ground and cry in public,” Seungmin commented.
Hyunjin finally stood up again and uncovered his face, though he was looking at the floor. “I’m in college; people will understand.”
Seungmin wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, loosely playing with the ends of his hair, trying to get his attention. Once Hyunjin looked at him again, Seungmin spoke.
“You are an idiot but you are very very pretty.”
“You only like me for my looks,” Hyunjin scoffed. “I should’ve known.”
“Two years of friendship was just to keep seeing your pretty face,” Seungmin joked.
“Two years of friendship was just to keep stealing your hoodies,” Hyunjin returned.
Seungmin laughed loudly, probably too loudly while being so close to someone but Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind.
“You can have them all,” Seungmin said as he pulled Hyunjin into a hug, hooking his chin over his shoulder. The soft touches on his back and the calm swaying would’ve been enough to put him to sleep.
“Seungmin?” Hyunjin said so softly Seungmin felt it more than he heard it.
Seungmin hummed back against Hyunjin’s neck.
“Does that mean I can actually keep the red one?” Hyunjin followed. “‘Cause to be honest, I never really planned on giving it back.”
Seungmin stifled his laugh against Hyunjin’s shoulder.
“I know,” Seungmin said. “And it’s all yours.”