Chapter Text
This was a bad idea.
Tommy arrived in Snowchester five minutes ago, and he had been standing here ever since. The snow had begun to fall around him, but he still hadn’t moved. For five fucking minutes. Anxiety had nailed him to the ground and froze over it.
The mansion loomed proudly over him. Fucking Ranboo must’ve snitched on him to Tubbo, because the very next day after their heartfelt talk, his communicator rang and Tubbo hit him with the “come visit ASAP, Micheal misses you :D”
Fucker. Of course he brought Michael into this. Leave it to Tubbo to play dirty.
So here he was. In his thick red coat and green scarf. Wilbur wanted him to come help him out in Las Nevadas, but he could fucking suck it. Any time Tommy was around him lately, it felt like playing an anxious game of wanting to insult him while also dragging him away from danger. He deserved a break after all that stone-mining anyway.
Tommy fiddled with the hem of his coat. He brought a blanket for the couple, but was that enough? They invited him to their house, allowed him to play with their son, and even prepared a whole dinner for him. Was a mere blanket enough to repay that?
The longer he stood here, the more Tommy wanted to run and text them “haha sorry got busy with my wives.” Or something like that. He just knew he would mess something up tonight. But he already made it so far, and it would be really fucking rude if he cancelled on them at the last minute, wouldn’t it?
Tubbo promised by Prime’s name he was in charge of cooking. Tommy would fucking hold him to that promise. If he broke it, he would… kidnap Michael. Yeah. Michael deserved better food. He probably didn’t think this through.
Tommy would never understand why Tubbo and Michael liked Ranboo’s cooking. He liked the guy, sure, but marshmallow on pasta was pushing it. Love did weird things to you, he guessed.
(no, he knew better than anyone what love could do to someone. after all, didn’t he spend his entire life giving up everything in the name of-)
Tommy heard movement behind the large doors. Shit. Oh fuck. He should’ve ran when he still could-
The door slammed open, revealing Tubbo, dressed in a dazzling yellow-and-green sweater.
“Tommy!” A large smile decorated Tubbo’s face. Tommy swore he saw something akin to relief on his face. “You’re almost late, man! Where the hell have you been?”
“Oh, you know.” Tommy shrugged. “Around.”
“Sure,” Tubbo agreed. “Michael had been nagging us for the past hour, you know. He kept going I want Uncle Mimi, where’s Uncle Mimi? It’s super cute. But also super annoying after a while.”
Tommy winced slightly. There went the concept of not making problems for the night. Apparently he didn’t even have to be around for shit to pop up.
To~mmy, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Dream sang. There you go, making trouble again.
Shut up, he hissed back.
“Sorry.”
“Eh, he’s a kid, kids do that, you know?” Tubbo grabbed Tommy by the arm, half-dragging him into the mansion. “Come in!”
Tubbo slammed the door behind him, making Tommy jump. If there’s one thing Tommy feared in his life, it would be the strength Tubbo hid behind his figure. He wondered if it’s a goat thing. Puffy and Schlatt didn’t look particularly strong, but also they’re sheep, aren’t they?
“So, Ranboo helped me make the main course. I know, don’t be mad-”
Tommy was not mad. He didn’t think he could ever be mad at Tubbo ever again. The days when he was angry at Tubbo were also the worst days of his life as a person. Tommy had suffered, he had felt so much pain that he wanted to die, but he couldn’t handle being that person again.
“-but then the pot went off! Ranboo can’t touch it, ‘cause it’s wet, and my hands were full-”
It’s kinda nice, getting dragged around like this. It wasn’t nice when Dream did it, but it’s Tubbo. Tommy trusted Tubbo. Sometimes more than he trusted himself. He liked it, being able to rely on someone to guide him every once in a while.
“-and it went flying. Oh, dude, you should’ve seen Ranboo’s face when the sugar bag exploded. Michael thought it was snow, inside- ”
“And that’s why we took chicken out of the menu,” Ranboo said flatly. “Tubbo, can you please not air my shame everywhere?”
Oh. They arrived in the dining room already. Time passed when you’re having fun, huh?
“You married me. Get used to it, bossman.”
“N- No?? Tubbo-”
“Ohhh no,” Tommy interjected, pushing a grin on his face. “I need everything. I could use as much dirt as possible against boob boy here-”
“Please don’t call me boob boy, that’s even worse-”
“Uncle Mimi!”
Shame. Before Tommy could call for more tea on Ranboo, Michael rushed in, saving his father from further disgrace. Ranboo sighed with relief as Michael practically flew past him and slammed into Tommy’s calves, nearly sending him to the floor. Damn, this child was a tank.
Maybe it’s not a goat thing. Maybe Tubbo’s parents just trained him in the secret arts of having invisible muscles, and now he’s passing it on to his son.
“Up!” Michael cheered with his arms raised. Tommy obliged, stumbling a bit from his weight, earning a small noise from his friends. Michael immediately snuggled up to him. His tiny hands grabbed at his hair, tugging slightly.
“Gold,” he whispered adoringly. He tugged harder, making Tommy hiss in pain.
“Uh- Michael, remember what we say about tugging Uncle Mimi’s hair?” Ranboo asked worriedly. “Maybe don’t ?”
“No- guys, it’s fine.”
“You sure?” Tubbo motioned his hands towards Michael. “I can take him if you want.”
A part of him went mushy at the concern. Mostly though, his immediate reaction was I’m not made of glass, you know? I’m not going to fucking shatter from a toddler tugging my hair. He had gotten so much better with touch compared to when he was freshly revived.
Puffy said self-administered exposure therapy was not a good idea. In Tommy’s defense, he was in a pinch.
“I’m a big man, Tubster,” Tommy replied, holding a giggling Michael tighter. “I can handle a little pain. A tiny fucking toddler-”
“Language,” Ranboo muttered.
“-can’t fucking hurt me.” He threw Ranboo a victorious grin. Two swears in one sentence, just to spite him.
Ranboo gave him the most why-are-you-like-this look he could muster.
Tommy didn’t budge. In his defense, Ranboo was the one who mentioned teaching Michael to swear. The child needed a good teacher, and Tommy was more than ready to fulfill that role.
“Well, if you say so.” Tubbo sounded unsure, but he didn’t push. Then, he froze, looking Tommy up and down as if he just noticed something about him.
“What?”
“Tommy- You still have your coat on!”
Tommy looked down on himself, on his arms wrapped around Michael, who was still squiggling around, trying to grab more of Tommy’s hair. Huh. He still had his coat on.
“It’s my colour. I meant to wear it inside.” Duh, Tommy didn’t add, but the eyeroll kinda implied it.
“Uh huh,” Ranboo nodded. “And you’re totally not sweating bullets to the floor right now.”
“Nope. I’m not.”
“Sure.”
Michael chose that exact moment to pull Tommy’s small ponytail and bite.
It… didn’t hurt, per se, but it sure was weird and wet. Wet in a weirdly slimy way. Exactly how he imagined how a toddler’s mouth would feel like, except he never imagined that. Definitely not. Not even after he saw Michael chew Ranboo’s hair and cut his hair shorter shortly after. He got bigger, better things to do than that.
(like spending days underground, mining stone for your maybe-brother-maybe-not, who probably only tell told you to do it to get rid of you-)
“Michael!” Ranboo gasped. He sounded more offended by the action than Tommy, and he was the one with his hair in a toddler’s mouth. He pulled Michael out of Tommy’s hands before he could react. “How about we don’t chew his hair either? Do we not feed you enough? Are you that hungry?”
“But gold ,” Michael whined. “ White gold.”
“Okay, yeah, but still. ”
Almost reflexively, Tommy traced the white streak in his hair. The end of his hair was wet. Ew. Wilbur was elated when he first saw it; you’re just like me, Tommy! Tommy himself felt conflicted about it, mostly.
( We’re like brothers! He used to teasingly tell Wilbur. He’s not sure what he thought of that now. He’s not sure about a lot of things, really-)
A hand tugged Tommy’s sleeve. He turned to see Tubbo looking at him sharply from behind his bangs.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
And it’s not really a lie, but it’s not exactly the truth either.
Tubbo eyed him a bit before saying, “so how does it feel?”
“ What feel?”
“You know.” Tubbo shrugged. “Having your hair chewed on.”
What.
“It’s wet. And slimy.” Tommy scrunched his face. “What, he never chewed on your hair?”
“Nope!” Tubbo answered cheerfully. “My hair’s not long enough!”
“Cool, so we’re just going to talk about hair chewing before we eat?”
In Ranboo’s arms, Michael made grabby arms towards Tommy. He gave Michael his fingers to play with, since Ranboo didn’t seem too interested in giving him back.
Tubbo opened his mouth with a sly grin, but Ranboo cut him off.
“Actually, no. We’re not talking about hair chewing. And Tommy-” Michael tried to put Tommy’s finger in his mouth, but he pulled away, much to the toddler’s disappointment- “Please take off your coat. I can see you boiling from here.”
“I’m not boiling,” Tommy muttered, but he complied. The scarf went too, because he was boiling. He would sooner jump into the snow outside to cool himself before admitting that though.
“Sure, Tommy.”
“You’re patronizing me. Stop patronizing. You’re like Philza Minecraft, except worse, because Philza Minecraft is the only man ever while you are just a bitch-”
“Okay, wow. ” Ranboo’s hands moved to cover his son’s ears. “Those were sentences alright.”
Tommy stuck his tongue out. Michael giggled, making Ranboo groan.
“Can we eat now?” Tubbo borderline whined. “Boo, I think Michael’s about to chew your hair.”
“Yeah, we can eat now!” Ranboo said as he pulled his hair out of Michael’s hands, earning a small whine of disappointment. “Let’s just not talk about hair chewing.”
“Well sucks to be you-”
“Tommy, please, ” Ranboo begged.
“ Fine , Mr. No Fun. Since you asked so nicely,” he grumbled with no real malice behind it. “You’re like, ‘no no, no more hair chewing, Tommy. I’m so much better than you.’”
Ranboo rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of amusement there. Tubbo laughed, encouraging Tommy’s smile. This was great. He was going to get a good grade in being a dinner guest, something that was both normal to want and possible to achieve.
He could work with this.