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Yuki bit his lip as he pulled back into the garage, P16 again. He just wanted to scrap the entire weekend and go back home. And not go back to his cold empty flat in Faenza, not even back to his flat in Milton Keynes where even though he lived alone he could pretend that he lived with Juri and Liam. No, he wanted to go back home to Japan, to Sagamihara, to his parents. He hadn't been back since just prior to pre-season testing because of quarantine requirements and while he was used to being away from his family for large stretches of time, it had never seemed this bad. Maybe it was because of the global pandemic, his concern for his family always in the back of his mind but maybe it was because he was struggling more this year. Since moving to Europe full time when he was nineteen, he'd hit the ground running, gaining momentum with each race and series but this year life had hit the brakes hard.

He'd never doubted his ability to drive, it was the one thing he truly believed he was good at, the thing he could do as easily as breathing. It was natural, calming and where he felt happiest. And the adjustment to the team hadn't been as bad as he'd thought, he was already familiar with some of the team personnel from Red Bull and Alpha Tauri had allowed him to keep his flat in England, to help keep him settled for the jump to F1. Which had seemed like a perfect plan at first. His first runs with the team had been promising, as had the official pre-season testing. And his first race had gone even better. Points on debut and plenty of praise being thrown around, Helmut had even smiled at him. 

And then came Imola, a shock to the system. He remembered the shame when he walked back into the garage, knowing he'd just handed his mechanics a late night to fix his mistakes. Despite his best intentions the race didn't go to plan either, multiple spins and that time penalty put Yuki in a bad mood for the debrief. Pierre had tried to cheer him up, appearing with some Gelato that Charles had gotten hold of but even the frozen delight did nothing to improve his mood. It was worse knowing it was all his fault, it hadn't been another driver or even a mechanical fault it was all down to him. He was the only one to blame. 

From there his luck had continued to suck. While Pierre had been able to push through to Q3 most races and finish in the points, Yuki struggled to even get out of Q1 let alone get points. 

He knew he let his frustrations get the better of him after Barcelona, knew he was being stupid by implying that the team had given him a different car. He'd seen the hurt in Pierre's eyes when he heard the comments, confused by how Yuki would think he was getting preferential treatment when the Frenchman had been nothing but welcoming and helpful to him. Worse still was the looks between his mechanics, and Yuki could almost hear them thinking. Ungrateful. We fix his car after he makes a mess of qualifying and yet he still blames us for his mistakes. 

Despite his apology things had felt tense, the air thick and heavy. He'd tried to distract himself by annoying Liam when he was on twitch, letting himself into the apartment when the silence in his own became too deafening. Being alone gave him too much time to reflect, to think and apart from Pierre he didn't have that many he would consider friends in F1. By proxy he was cordial with Charles but he wouldn't say they were friends. Their truce mainly existed because of Pierre, both wanting to keep the Frenchman happy. Sure he talked to the majority of the drivers but again they probably considered him more of an acquaintance or even less. And with F2 being so spread out, he couldn't even spend time with them. He tried to keep in touch but phone calls were never the same. 

Having his place in Milton Keynes was sometimes his only saving grace, but then after Monaco, it was decided he should move to Italy. 

Marko hadn't given him a choice. After the meeting in Red Bull headquarters, he was handed a plane ticket and told he had to be out there in two days. 

The flat they'd picked out was basic, to put it in a nice way. One bedroom, a small living room and kitchen, bland beige walls and a tiny balcony. The only saving grace was that at least the weather was better than in England. And he was in the same country as Pierre, which meant more opportunities to annoy his teammate. Until he realised how far away Milan was, and how little time he had in his schedule. He accepted the extra training, knowing that he had to improve for the rest of the season but it did leave him exhausted. 

And the one time he did manage to get to Milan and surprise Pierre, Charles was there and it was immediately evident that Yuki was intruding, even if the two drivers didn't say anything. But Yuki pretended he didn't notice, plonking himself in a chair in the corner and helping himself to snacks while he shuddered at how grossly in love the pair were. He'd made a mental note to message Daniil, the older Russian driver was always there for Yuki to complain to about Charles and Pierre and he continuously offered advice about the best ways to annoy Pierre. Yuki certainly didn't write them all down in a separate notebook, crossing each one off as he tried it. No that would be silly. 

But unfortunately Daniil wasn't around this weekend and Charles and Pierre had been extra disgusting because of their upcoming anniversary and as Yuki climbed out of the car he lamented the fact that he didn't have anyone to moan at. Well he'd probably still moan at Pierre but it was never the same with Charles there. 

As he headed out of the garage to the weighing area, Mattia, his engineer, clapped him on the back.

"Hard luck Yuki, tricky conditions," he sympathised. 

"Yeah I'm sorry, just struggled to hook it up." 

"S'all right, tomorrows a new day and the car has pace so you should be able to move up a few places." 

Yuki nodded, enjoying the optimism of his team. That was one thing he never wanted to change, so far it had only been Helmut that had yelled at him with the rest of the team staying relatively positive. 

But even with Mattia's comforting words, Yuki stewed over his results as he waited with the two Williams drivers, staying as far away from Mazepin as he could, while he waited for his turn on the scales. He watched as Q2 got underway and Pierre kept improving his time. While he was happy for his teammate and the team, he was frustrated. Why couldn't he get the car to act like that? Why wasn't he getting more consistent despite his extra training?

It was just something he couldn't answer, despite the amount of times people asked. The team asked what more they could do to support him, Pierre asked if he needed any advice, even Checo and Max had spoken to him about ways he could improve. But nothing seemed to be working. 

He sighed, his yearning for home always increased after a bad race or qualifying. The desire to run back home and hide in his childhood bedroom and let his parents fix everything was overwhelming. He sometimes wanted to go back to those simpler times but then he'd remember that he'd somehow made it, that he was actually racing in F1. Still, at the moment he'd trade a race for a hug from his mum. That was all he needed. Just one hug and then he might not feel so alone. Just one hug and he might be able to get his season back on track. But that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. At the moment Suzuka was still going ahead but Yuki wasn't dumb. He knew the situation in his home country, how the Olympics had almost been postponed again because of rising cases and he knew that Suzuka was on thin ice. In fact it more than likely wasn't going to go ahead at all. Which meant Yuki wasn't going to get to go home until Christmas time and maybe not even then. 

Wandering back to the garage to meet Carolyn and prepare for the media, Yuki startled as someone grabbed onto his arm. Spinning round he felt his stomach drop as he saw that it was Helmut. 

"Yuki," he greeted and Yuki forced his lips into a smile, pushing the edges of his mask up and nodded in reply. 

"I want to have a word with you when you're finished with the media- and watch your language with them, we don't need any more embarrassments," Helmut ordered and Yuki knew better than to argue. 

Nodding again, he felt his stomach twist at the idea of yet another meeting with the senior advisor, another dressing down and a comprehensive list of all his faults and failings. 

He obediently followed Carolyn through the press pen, trying to keep his tone optimistic and keep his temper under wraps which was easier said than done - especially when the reporters in question had no idea what it was like to drive an F1 car. His temper was one of the things Helmut hated most. At first the Austrian had grinned when asked about it, saying that it proved Yuki would one day be World Champion but as time wore on it became a source of contention. But Yuki liked it, it reminded him of what his mother used to call him when he was younger. 'My spitfire,' she would say, telling him to never change, never lose his passion and never let people walk all over him. 

Yuki sniffled at the memory, squeezing his eyes shut for a second as he willed away the tears. Now was not the time to be crying about his mother. 

He normally wanted to get through his media duties as quickly as possible but today he was almost praying for an extra interview that would delay his talk with Helmut. But it seemed like the fates were not on his side and with all the interviews done, Yuki found himself standing outside Helmut's door, taking a moment to gather himself before knocking. 

"Come in," came the gravelly voice and Yuki took another deep breath before going in.

"Ahh Yuki, please take a seat," the advisor waited until Yuki sat down to stand up, making the height difference more noticeable. 

"I think you know why I've called you here hm?" 

Yuki nodded but Helmut's eyes hardened. 

"Well why then?" 

"Because I got P16?" Yuki questioned and Helmut's frown deepened. 

"Are you asking me or telling me?" 

"Uh telling you," Helmut's face turned expecting so Yuki took that as his cue to carry on. "I'm here because I got P16 again and it's not good enough, especially when Pierre is getting the car into Q3. I have been working harder, I promise but I just don't understand-" 

"Empty promises," Helmut shouted, slamming his hands down on the desk with a bang, "everytime I call you in here you say you're working harder but nothing ever improves."

Yuki shrunk down and Helmut scoffed, "stop acting like such a child. I'm trying to help you Yuki but you're making it so hard on yourself. No one wants to work with a child or with someone who can't take constructive criticism." 

The senior advisor let out a loud sigh before sitting back in his chair and leaning forward over the desk. 

"Let me rephrase what I'm saying, maybe it'll help you understand. If improvements don't start happening soon then we, as a team, may be forced to take action. A step back helped for Pierre, helped him realise exactly what was at stake so maybe something similar would suit you. "

A step back? But he wasn't in a Red Bull, where would he step back too? 

The confusion must have shown on his face because Helmut smiled, but Yuki didn't seem reassured. 

"Really when you look at it Yuki, you did advance through the lower formulas very quickly, some more time in F2 might help you come to your senses, or a spell in FE?" 

Yuki gaped at the older man, speechless at the suggestion. 

"But, but-" Yuki forced out, trying to protest but Helmut spoke over him. 

"I know it's not a conventional approach but Red Bull and Honda have invested a lot of money in you Yuki, we'd hate for it all to go to waste hm?" 

"Well yes but-" 

"Exactly, and if you can't take our advice and start really working then we'll do what we have to do." The smirk was back and Helmut leaned back. 

"Of course we wouldn't have to do anything if we started seeing results. Maybe spend less time fooling around with Pierre for starters, he's not your friend, he's your teammate. There's a difference and Pierre knows that, your relationship is purely a business one as far as he's concerned, he's just being polite. It's not hard Yuki, more time in the factory and with your engineers and less time messing around and the results should come."

Yuki could only nod, he knew arguing that he was already spending most of his spare time working wouldn't work. Helmut wasn't in the mood for excuses. 

"I think we'll say you have until Suzuka - if it even goes ahead - for you to turn things around and prove to us that you deserve to stay within F1, it's no real bother to us either way, there's plenty of other drivers we could get." 

Yuki nodded meekly again, he knew the amount of junior Red Bull drivers waiting for their chance, he knew Liam or Juri would jump at the opportunity, even if it meant Yuki would be without a seat. It was the nature of F1, more cut throat than most people realised. 

"Use your words Yuki, do I make myself clear?" 

Yuki cleared his throat, "yes sir, I understand. I'll try harder." 

"Yes you will, starting with the race tomorrow - I expect points Yuki. Pierre can't be the only driver getting points for the team, it'll only make him resent you more."

With that Helmut picked up some of the files on his desk, effectively dismissing Yuki, who took the hint and stood up. 

Just as Yuki reached the door, Helmut's voice rang out once more. 

"Remember Yuki, the only one to blame for this situation is yourself." 

"Yes sir," Yuki repeated again, gently closing the door behind him. 

He leant against the wall for a second, trying to quiet the storm raging inside his mind.

Could Helmut really send him back to F2? He hadn't won the championship so technically he could go back, but it was unheard of. He didn't really know the answer but he knew the advisor wouldn't hesitate to kick him out if he didn't pick things up. 

He heard Helmut moving around so he quickly darted around the corner, heading back towards the drivers rooms. A quick check of his phone told him that Q3 was over and Pierre had finished 5th. He also had a message from Mattia saying the debriefing was being delayed because of a technical issue. 

Perfect, Yuki thought, that meant he got a bit of extra time to himself. 

Chewing his lip Yuki decided on his next move. He could head back to his own drivers room and look over the session and his timings with the limited data he had, make a start on understanding where he went wrong in qualifying and how he could improve to the points tomorrow. But… given the technical issue, he wouldn't have the complete picture and it wouldn't be a good use of his time. Whereas he knew Pierre would be back in his room and he could invite himself in and  annoy- spend some time with the other driver. 

Helmut's words about how Pierre only viewed their relationship as a business one flashed through his mind but Yuki pushed it away. Pierre had never acted anything less than friendly towards him, surely if his teammate didn't want to be close he would have said something by now. Gently shooed Yuki away when he turned up uninvited or out right slammed the door in his face but he hadn't. He'd just grinned and gone with it. So surely Pierre was his friend. 

But as he arrived at Pierre's door Yuki suddenly felt unsure once again. As he paused he could hear voices from inside and realised that they were switching between French and English. Which meant Charles was there because Pierre never bothered speaking French around Pyry. Yuki huffed, he knew the two were boyfriends but could they not be separated for even five minutes. He wanted to moan at Pierre and also seek a little reassurance that Helmut's claims were wrong. But he couldn't do that in front of Charles. Because what if Charles mentions it to someone at Ferrari and word gets out Helmut wants to demote him and that Red Bull have no faith in him anymore. He wonders how many people would agree with him? How many people think that he doesn't deserve a seat on the grid? And he wonders if they're right. 

Shaking his head, Yuki grabbed the handle ready to throw it open and distract himself by annoying Pierre and Charles, he froze as he heard his name. 

Grinning he pressed his ear to the door, straining as he tried to pick out the words. 

"What? Pierre you know I'm right, it's only a matter of time before Yuki comes bursting in here, I'm just trying to make the most of the time alone."

"Charles," he heard Pierre respond with a sigh. 

"You know it's true, it's a miracle we've made it this long without him coming in. You've got to admit it's nice to be alone for a little bit, to have a little bit of privacy because God knows Yuki doesn't know what that is," Charles argued back and Yuki found himself holding his breath as he waited for Pierre's response. 

He heard Pierre sigh again, "you're right it is nice…" 

Yuki jerked back like he'd been electrocuted, stumbling away from the door. 

Helmut was right, he thought. And if he was right about how Pierre felt about him, maybe he was right about everything else.

Pursing his lips Yuki glared at the door, tempted for a second to just barge in anyway but the urge vanished almost as quickly as it appeared. If they wanted space, Yuki would give them space. 

Turning away Yuki headed into his own driver's room, dropping onto the sofa and resting his head in his hands as the events of the past hours caught up with him. 

He'd rather be back at his hotel room sleeping but seeing as the debrief hadn't been officially cancelled he couldn't leave.

Letting himself fall sideways he curled up on the small sofa, mindlessly scrolling through his phone. As he opened his messages to reply to his family a notification flashed across the top of the screen. 

Breaking News: The F1 Japanese Grand Prix is in danger of being cancelled for a second year in a row as the country struggles with a rise in Coivd-19 cases. 

Yuki felt the familiar twist of his stomach at the words. This one felt more real, the news coming from the local government and mentioning the efforts of the FIA to secure Istanbul as a backup circuit. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he knew that he wasn't going to get to go home now. 

As the news sunk in Yuki felt his breathing speeding up and his eyes grow hot but he valiantly tried to hold back the tears. That was until the second notification popped up. 

Exclusive from Helmut Marko - "Tsunoda needs to do better or we will find someone else to do the job" 

Against his better judgement Yuki clicked onto the tweet, reading the comments underneath it which were already starting to pour in. 

 -Tsunoda doesn't have what it takes, just replace him already. 

 - Gasly is destroying him - it's not even a competition any more, Alpha Tauri is probably soooo embarrassed. 

 - another example of Red Bull trying to make the next Max Verstappen and failing- didn't work with Gasly or Albon either. 

  - honestly feel bad for Yuki, it seems like Red Bull have already made up their minds about him. 

Biting his lip as he scrolled down, Yuki felt the tears he'd been trying to hold back stream down his face. Sniffing heavily, he wiped the back of his hand under his eyes but as quickly as he removed them, new ones fell. Letting out a soft whine, Yuki let his phone fall from his grip, hearing it clatter to the ground but he paid no attention. Instead he reached out to grab the oversized neon fleece throw draped over the back of the sofa. Yuki had initially grumbled about the brightness when Pierre had wandered into a briefing with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, covering his eyes and whining about how it was blinding him. The team had just laughed at his reaction and jokingly suggested that they should create a whole neon range in Yuki's honour, which made him shudder. It wasn't until Yuki was lounging in Pierre's flat, shivering slightly because he couldn't work out how to turn the AC down, and Pierre and Charles were doing god knows what in the other room, that he reluctantly pulled the blanket over his lap. Realising how warm and cozy it was, Yuki had smuggled it into his car, adding it to his suitcase and ultimately taking it everywhere with him. He'd successfully hidden the fact that he'd stolen it from Pierre, the other driver moaning that he couldn't remember where he'd left it and ultimately blaming Charles even though the Monegasque denied it. The team had given Pierre a new one but the Frenchman had sulked, complaining that it wasn't the same. 

A glimmer of a smile came onto Yuki's face at the memory but it quickly slid away as the tears continued to fall. Pulling the blanket over his head Yuki squeezed his eyes shut and allowed himself to cry. He'd get it all out now and then be able to start tomorrow fresh. That was that plan. Except as he continued to cry, his thoughts continued to spiral. 

Even though he was living his dream, at that moment Yuki wished he was anywhere else. Wished he wasn't so alone. 

…………………………… 

"Charrrles," Pierre moaned as the Monegasque sucked a mark on his collarbone, just below where his shirt collar would be. Hiding the mark perfectly out of view. 

He moaned again as Charles intentionally ground his hips down, making heat pool in his groin and he rocked his hips up. 

"Mon Cheri, you look so good right now," Charles gasped, framing Pierre's face with his hands and running a thumb across his cheek bones. 

"I'm so proud of you Pierre, not just for today but for the whole season."

Pierre grinned up at his boyfriend, "I'm proud of you as well, you're coping with that shit box as well as you can."

Charles whined at the insult to his car, pouting as Peirre just laughed. 

Charles' pout switched to an evil grin and a second later his lips were once again attached to Pierre's neck. He aimed higher this time, nibbling a mark that would be plain for everyone to see. 

"Char, Charles wait, nghh, Charl please," Pierre muttered as Charles' hands fisted at his shirt, trying to tug it up. 

"Wait Charles," Pierre said again, pulling away, "we cannot have sex in my drivers room." 

The pout was back in full force. 

"Whyyy? We've done it before," Charles grumbled, sighing at the look in Pierre's eyes and rolling off of his boyfriend's lap onto the sofa. 

"Because I might have debrief at any second, just because you've run away from Ferrari-" 

"I did not run away," Charles indignantly threw back.

"Well, does Jock know where you are?" Pierre questioned, grinning at the silence that told him all he needed to know. 

"Besides I don't know where Yuki is, and the last thing he needs is to walk in on us," Pierre added and Charles just groaned in response. 

"Maybe we should let him walk in on us, and then he'll stop wandering in," he complained. 

Pierre huffed, "somehow I doubt that." He paused for a second, glancing over at the clock. "I wonder where he is?" 

"Hmm back to the hotel?" 

Shaking his head, Pierre began to frown, "no the team would have kept him around for debrief. It's odd that he's stayed away." 

"It shouldn't be that odd - me and Carlos are close but we have boundaries." 

"It's not the same though," Pierre defended, "Carlos has other people he'll hang out with, I don't know if Yuki is close enough to any of the others." 

"It's not your problem though." 

"Charles," Pierre sighed, "the pressure from Red Bull is an entirely different thing, I know what it's like, I know how they can be. I can't help but worry." 

Charles' face softened as he remembered the stress Pierre was under when he first went to Red Bull, the months that almost ended their relationship. He remembered the crying and self depreciation and Pierre had had a very good support system around him. Did Yuki have something like that? 

"Maybe we should check on him then, he might just be next door listening to music," Charles suggested and Pierre smiled gratefully at him, nudging him slightly. 

“See you do care about him,” he teased. 

“I don’t,” Charles protested.

“You do! Don’t think I can’t see it.”

“I don’t need another little brother with zero brain cells, it’s already hard enough keeping Arthur alive.”

“You’re the one suggesting that we check on him.”

“Because you’re worried about him,” Charles said with a soft smile.

"I'm sure he's fine but-" 

"You just wanna make sure," Charles finished, "It’s fine Pear, I get it." He reached out to join their hands and squeezed gently. 

Pierre grabbed his phone with his other hand, lowering the volume of the music as he went to stand up but he froze midway. 

Charles frowned at him, "Pierre? Mon Cheri, what's wrong?" 

"Shh shh," Pierre gestured for Charles to be quiet as he pressed his ear against the wall that separated his and Yuki's drivers rooms. 

It was faint, so quiet that he hadn't been able to hear it over him and Charles talking and the music but now that it was quiet he could hear soft sobs from next door. 

Stumbling back he jerked his hand from Charles' and headed towards the door. 

"Pierre? What's happening?" Charles stood up as well, following Pierre to the door. 

"Yuki's crying," Pierre hissed. 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes I'm sure, I can hear him," Pierre shot back, opening the door and stepping out into the corridor, Charles following close behind. 

Glancing at Charles again, Pierre knocked on Yuki's door. 

When he didn't get a response he tried again.

"Yuki? It's Pierre, can I come in?" he called out, frown deepening as he still didn’t get a response. 

“Pierre, if he’s crying then he probably wouldn’t answer you,” Charles whispered.

“But I can’t just leave,” Pierre protested.

“I’m not saying that,” Charles soothed, “I’m saying you should take a page out of his book and don’t knock.”

Pierre nodded as understanding dawned on him and Charles took a step back.

“I don’t think he needs me in there, I’ll wait in your room. Let me know if you need anything.”

Pierre smiled gratefully, pulling Charles in for another kiss. “Thank you,” he whispered against his lips.

Charles just grinned, gently pushing Pierre towards the closed door, while he took a step backwards.

Taking a deep breath Pierre placed a hand on the handle and before he could talk himself out of it, he opened the door just enough for him to slip in. 

The room was dark, curtains drawn and Pierre blinked as his eyes adjusted. 

The sound of soft sniffles filled the room and Pierre zeroed in on the small sofa. And more specifically, the Yuki sized mound on the sofa.

Taking a hesitant step forward Pierre softly called out to his teammate.

“Yuki? It’s me, are you… are you okay?”

“Fuck off,” came the response, Yuki’s voice was thick from the tears making his accent even heavier but it was undeniably him.

“I’m not doing that Yuki,” Pierre took another step closer. “What’s happening?”

“As if you give a shit, I said fuck off,” Yuki called out, curling tighter into a ball.

“No I’m not leaving when you’re upset and I don’t care how long it takes, I’ll wait here until you’re ready,” Pierre repeated, kneeling beside the sofa, preparing himself for a long wait. He knew Yuki was stubborn even on a good day and he had a feeling that an upset Yuki was even worse. He spotted Yuki’s phone on the floor next to him and he picked it up, spinning it around in his hand before placing it on his lap. He then reached out, aiming for where Yuki’s shoulder should be and rubbing it. 

“I said go away, please,” Yuki tried again, voice breaking from the effort of holding back his tears. 

“Sorry, I can’t do that Yuki,” Pierre repeated again, squeezing Yuki’s arm.

They lapsed into silence again, the only sound in the room were Yuki’s quiet sniffles and Pierre felt his heart aching. How long had Yuki been crying for? What had brought this on? He knew Yuki had been struggling with the car but he always acted like it didn’t bother him, taking the adjustments in his stride, not flinching when the team decided to move him closer to the factory and continually laughing off the comments from journalists about his ‘anger.’ Having Yuki around had been a nice breath of fresh air for the team, his infectious laugh and endless pranks always helped to lighten the mood and Pierre had been surprised at how quickly he’d grown to care about the younger driver. He was usually the younger one or the one with less experience so it was nice to have someone to help, someone who looked up to him. But obviously Pierre wasn’t as observant as he liked to believe, because he hadn’t seen this coming, and guilt swept through him. He had only just been talking about the added pressure of being a Red Bull driver, and he had possibly not noticed the pressure getting to Yuki until it was too late. 

As he mused, Yuki’s phone buzzed in his lap and Pierre glanced down, seeing a message from Noel lighting up the screen.

Ignore the press mate, we’ll just keep doing what we’re doing and it’ll come. I’ll see you in a bit.

Ahh, so maybe it was another round of press rumours Pierre thought, but that shouldn’t be enough to make Yuki like this. 

The crying seemed to have tapered off but Yuki was still hiding beneath the blanket and showed no sign of coming out.

"Yuki, was it something the press said? He asked carefully and he felt Yuki tense under his hand. 

"No." 

"Are you su-" 

"Yes I'm sure," Yuki snapped back, "why won't you leave me alone Pierre?"

"Easy, you're upset and what kind of friend would I be if I left you right now. Besides you never leave me alone so think of this as payback," Pierre teased but Yuki stayed rigid. 

For a second he didn't say anything but then Peirre heard a faint whisper 

"I'm sorry." 

"Sorry… Yuki what are you sorry for?" 

"For being annoying and not giving you space." 

If Pierre's heart had been aching before, now it was shattering. 

"Yuki no, you don't have to be sorry," Pierre tried but Yuki paid him no attention. 

"I do, I do and I'm sorry. I'll give you more time alone, you should have just said. You don't have to pretend to be my friend anymore," the Japanese driver continued, voice breaking towards the end. 

Pierre sat back on his heels in shock, he didn't know what he was hearing or where this was coming from. 

"Pretend… Yuki, what on earth is happening?" 

Yuki let out a soft whine, "I get it okay, I heard you and Charles, you could've just said something." 

"Heard me and Charles? Yuki seriously, what are you on about?" Pierre tried to pull the blanket away from Yuki but his teammate just swatted his hand and pulled the edge of the blanket further underneath him. 

"Don't make me spell it out please Pierre," Yuki's voice broke at the end of the sentence and the sniffling started up again. 

"Yuki…" 

"You said it was nice that I wasn't just coming in, it was nice that you and Charles got some time alone." 

Pierre froze for a second, running over his conversations with Charles in the last few hours trying to work out when he'd said something like that. It dawned on him that they'd had that conversation only an hour ago and that it obviously hadn't helped Yuki's frame of mind. 

Pierre took a deep breath, he knew he needed to make sure he explained everything right so he didn't make it any worse. 

"Okay, I did say that," Pierre winced as he saw Yuki visibly shrink and somehow get even smaller which he thought was impossible. "I did say that but Yuki trust me I like having you around and I like spending time with you. It's just… Charles and I haven't had a lot of time together recently."

"and that doesn't mean we don't want you around or that it's your fault," Pierre added hastily, "I only meant that it was nice to get a moment with Charles because we've both been so busy lately. Yuki trust me, if I didn't want you around, I'd tell it to your face. You're not annoying in the slightest, it's actually really nice to be the older one for once and I'm in no way 'pretending' to be your friend, okay?"

There was a tiny movement that Pierre recognised as a head nod. 

"So you're not just being polite?" Yuki questioned and Pierre's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Polite? Who said that?" 

He was answered by silence and Pierre fought the urge to groan. 

"Look okay whoever said that I don't care or that I'm just being polite, ignore them. They don't know what they're talking about." 

This time Yuki let out a small snort, muttering under his breath, "I wish I could." 

Pierre's frown deepened and he felt an icy feeling settle into his stomach. 

"Yuki… who are they? And what else have they been saying because I don't believe you'd get this upset over me," Pierre tried but was once again met by silence. 

"Yuki please, you're really beginning to scare me now," Pierre begged, "please tell me, I can't stand seeing you like this." 

There was another second of silence and Pierre began to wonder if he should get someone when Yuki uttered something that made him freeze. 

"He said he was going to demote me." 

Instantly Pierre knew who 'he' was and what was happening. But something didn't make sense. Unconsciously he echoed Yuki's thoughts, wondering what a demotion would mean. 

"Demote you where?" Pierre asked furiously, "where the fuck would he want you to go?" 

"Back to F2 or maybe FE, I did move up quickly, maybe it would help me get more consistent." 

"Yuki, no. First of all he won't do that - it'll be horrible press for Red Bull but secondly and more importantly, you moved up quickly because you're a great driver Yuki. Consistency comes with time." 

"But you didn't need time," Yuki argued back, "I don't know what I'm doing wrong so maybe I don't deserve to be here." 

"Hey! Enough of that. Do you remember that it took me six races to even gain a point? And even the rest of the season I was out of the points more often than when I was in it. And what did you do? Get points on debut."

"I guess." 

"Points on debut and getting past two world champions like it was nothing," Pierre continued, stroking Yuki's ego as he nudged the younger drivers shoulder, "you deserve to be here as much as the rest of us and we all have bad races - it's part of the game." 

"But mine have been bad for ages," Yuki moaned, "and Helmut said I only have until Suzuka to turn it around." 

"Look Yuki," Pierre sighed as he continued patting the blanket covered driver, "look just fuck Helmut alright-" 

"Ew," Yuki exclaimed interrupting his team mate, "ugh why would I want to do that?" 

Pierre's brain stumbled for a second as he tried not to burst out laughing, managing to suppress it into a snort. Yuki sounded so confused, even finally peeking out from under the blanket to look up at him but before Pierre had a chance to explain Yuki carried on. 

"Does it actually work? Is that why you got demoted because you didn't ah…" Yuki trailed off again and this time Pierre couldn't hold back his laughter, even if Yuki had just implied that the Red Bull drivers must have slept with their team boss. 

With a pout Yuki pulled the blanket down, glaring at Pierre. 

"Why are you laughing? You're the one who suggested it?" Yuki paused, chewing his lip as he suddenly looked unsure, "or… or did I get it wrong again?" 

Pierre's laughter died off at the crestfallen look on Yuki's face, guilt shooting through him. He knew how Yuki felt about getting things mixed up and how he was used to people laughing at him about it, teasing him for it without explaining anything. 

"A little bit wrong," Pierre said gently, "when I said fuck Helmut, it's not literal it basically means don't listen to him." 

"But I can't not listen to him," Yuki protested, "I just need him to believe that I can be a good driver." 

Pierre smiled sadly at him, he hated hearing Yuki talk like that. From his fast rise through the lower series and impressive debut it was easy to forget how young he really was and the fact that he was still a rookie. 

"You are a good driver Yuki, trust me," seeing that Yuki still wasn't completely convinced he continued, "here I'll give you some advice that a close friend gave me, prove them wrong, get out there and don't overthink it, just be yourself." 

"Prove them… isn't that what…" Yuki trailed off again looking at Pierre in awe, almost in disbelief that he'd give him the same advice. 

"Yeah it's what Anthoine told me. You just need to believe in yourself Yuki, because the team does, Franz wouldn't have signed you if he didn't." Reaching out, Pierre squeezed Yuki's shoulder, "and I believe you're a great driver if it means anything." 

"if it… of course it does," Yuki hesitantly smiled at his teammate and Pierre echoed, grinning brightly back. 

Taking the smile as Yuki beginning to feel a little better, Pierre pushed at his teammates feet, moving them off the small sofa so that he could sit down. 

Yuki grumbled under his breath but obediently moved over, rearranging the blanket so it was just wrapped around his shoulders. 

"I don't think Suzuka will be going ahead," he quietly admitted, "I think it all just hit me a little bit." 

"There's nothing wrong with that Yuki, we all have bad days," Pierre reassured. 

"I just… ugh I don't know, I wanted the home race experience, wanted to be able to show you around and just be able to be at home for a little bit." 

"There's nothing wrong with being homesick, you know? We all get it, I know it must be worse for you but anyone will understand what that feels like. Is there any way you can get back there for a little bit? Or can your parents come and visit?" 

Yuki shrugged, "I don't know if I can get back in but they might be able to come here? I don't know." 

"Well that's something we can figure out," Pierre pulled out his phone, a buzz of excitement flying through him at the opportunity to actually help. The fizz quickly faded though as he tried to make sense of the requirements, the long lists of testing options and medical terms that littered the page. 

"I ah yeah that's complicated, maybe we can get one of the team to help us out?" 

"S'ok Pierre, you don't have to."

"But I want to help," Pierre protested, "It's not fair that you're feeling like this." 

"S'ok," Yuki said again, "I think I'm getting used to it." 

"But you shouldn't be used to it, Yuki, you absolutely shouldn't be feeling like this on a regular basis." 

"I've never felt like this before though, I just don't know what to do." 

"Talking about it is a good start, I spoke to someone back in 2019 and they helped me, and I spoke to Charles and you're talking to me now. That's a good start, Yuki." 

"It's hard though, I don't know how to explain what's going on inside my mind." 

"I know, it's tough but I promise you it gets better," Pierre squeezed Yuki's hand, "You've got people who care about you around you and anytime Helmut says shit like that you come and find me, promise?" 

Yuki nodded again but looked confused, "But what can you do? You can't make me a better driver." 

"I don't need to make you a better driver but I might need water if I need to keep repeating myself - which I will do. I will repeat myself forever if that's what it takes," Pierre threatened, "but what I can do is make you feel better, because that's what friends do." 

Seeing tears building in Yuki's eyes again, Pierre pulled him close, running a hand soothingly up and down his back and making little murmuring noises. He heard Yuki making little sniffles but he waited until his teammate was ready to pull back to let him go. 

Seeing that Yuki still seemed overwhelmed, Pierre called for backup.

"Okay you know what my mum always does when I'm having a bad day? She buys a load of snacks that I shouldn't eat and we have a binge. So we're gonna do that," Pierre stated, pulling his phone out to message Charles. 

Pierre - Can you bring some snacks? Look in the cabinet next to the door, I've got stuff in there. 

Charles - Is Yuki okay? 

Pierre - Helmut was being a dick, and I think it's just all coming out at once. 

Charles - Fuck that old wrinkled asshole 

Pierre - I'd really rather not, yours is much nicer 😉

Charles - Monsieur Gasly, I'm shocked - and you know what I meant. Ew gross now I'm getting mental images 

Pierre - So snacks? 

Charles - Sure after I'm done puking. 

Pocketing his phone, Pierre turned back to Yuki, seeing the younger fiddling with a loose thread. 

"Charles is coming over with some snacks, and we're going to sit here and eat them and not worry about anything else." 

Yuki nodded silently, looking forlorn and Pierre spotted his eyes were shiny. 

"Yuki?" he questioned, reaching out to take one of Yuki's hands in his, gently squeezing. 

Blinking rapidly Yuki muttered, "Okāsan ga koishī." 

"You know that I don't speak Japanese Yuki, despite your best attempts." 

"I said I miss my mum," Yuki repeated and not for the first time that day Pierre felt his heart sinking. 

He didn't get a chance to say anything though as the second he opened his mouth the door was thrown open. 

"I've got snacks," Charles loudly sang out as he skipped into the room. Hands full, he kicked the door shut again, chucked a few of the bags at Pierre before dropping down on the other side of Yuki. 

"Okay so why do you have a secret drawer of Japanese snacks and yet when I asked if we could keep a few of my favourite snacks in your apartment you acted like I'd asked you crash someone out for me," Charles complained as he settled in, ripping open one of the packets and happily munching. 

Pierre gaped at him for a second, ready to interrupt but Charles kept going. 

"I mean really Pierre, it's not very fair, I am supposed to be your boyfriend after all, and ugh ew omg what was that," Charles spluttered, gagging slightly as he forced himself to swallow. "Pickled plums, seriously? What the heck." 

"Charles!" Pierre hissed  but the monegasque paid no attention. 

"No Pierre, there's something wrong with whoever made that and something wrong with whoever likes them." 

"I like them," Yuki piped up. 

"Yeah well case and point," Charles fired back and for a moment Pierre thought he'd actually stopped breathing. But he shouldn't be surprised, his boyfriend never was very good at reading the room. 

"You're one to talk, you call your boyfriend a squid," Yuki shot back and Pierre let out his breath, lips twitching upwards at the petulant tone in Yuki's voice. 

"Oh just shut up and eat the pickled plums," Charles grumbled, passing the packet over to Yuki who happily popped one in his mouth. 

Charles wrapped his arm around Yuki's shoulders, pulling him in for a side hug. 

"Helmut's an idiot," he commented, "he's a dried up old man who has no idea what it's really like and if he starts talking shit, come find me."

"And what are you going to do?" Pierre asked, raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend. 

Charles just scoffed, "I'm not 'the Prince of Ferrari' for nothing, I can have people disappear. They won't know what happened." 

"Yeah sure you don't care about Yuki," Pierre muttered, rolling his eyes. 

"I just don't understand where I'm going wrong," Yuki admitted and the mood shifted back to serious, "I can't understand why I'm not getting better. And I miss home." 

Charles just pulled him closer, "Believe me, and believe Pierre when we say we understand. My first season wasn't amazing either and sometimes the pressure felt overwhelming. Constantly being linked to Ferrari, trying to live up to everyone's expectations, it took away the joy of racing. But it came."

"But-"

"Nope, but nothing. It'll come Yuki. And I know we can't help with missing home and we'll never truly understand what that's like, but I hope we can make you feel less alone. Me and Pierre are always here for you." 

"Even though you think I'm annoying and don't give you space?" 

"Little brothers are supposed to be annoying, I think it's in your dna." 

Pierre nudged Yuki from the other side, "maybe you should get in touch with Arthur," he suggested, sniggering at the panicked look on Charles' face. 

"No no, I don't think we need that," he hurriedly protested, groaning at the wicked smile on Yuki's face. 

"Anyway what we're trying to say is that if you feel like this in the future we hope you'll come and talk to us, yeah?" 

Yuki nodded, "I will, especially if you have snacks." 

Pierre snorted, "teenagers, always thinking with their stomachs," he teased. 

"Hey! I'm not a teenager." 

"Are you sure? You're short enough for one," Charles chimed in and this time Yuki groaned, yanking part of the blanket away from Charles in retaliation. 

"Ah come on Yuki, if you're the annoying little brother that means you've got two embarrassing older brothers, isn't that right Pierre?" 

"Exactly petit calamardo," Pierre teased back, making a kissy face at his boyfriend while Yuki gagged. 

"Stupid cuddly squids," Yuki grumbled and Charles and Pierre shared a look over his head, mission cheering Yuki up accomplished. 

Charles lifted his arm from where it was still resting around Yuki's shoulders so he was cupping Pierre's cheek. 

"I love you," he mouthed and Pierre smiled softly back at him. 

"Love you too," he mouthed back, turning his face into Charles touch, kissing his palm.

A sense of calm descended in the room as Yuki snuggled back into the sofa, letting his eyes drift shut. Maybe now he could get the nap he'd been craving earlier. 

But it wasn't meant to be. 

"Pierre!" Charles suddenly exclaimed, "It's your fucking blanket!"