Work Text:
Hyunjin had returned to the dorms with a brand new routine. In some ways the hiatus was the worst thing that had ever happened. It had endangered his position in the group, it had brought negative publicity to his friends, and his company. Even though he had been assured he would be allowed to come back it had been deeply anxiety-inducing not to know when, or how long he would be away from the people he loved most.
In other ways, it had been exactly what he needed.
It was the first break he had ever gotten in his adult life. And as much as he loved the other boys, it had been refreshing to be on his own for a little while. To have his own life, his own space. To live without the constant music, and laughter, and bickering, and someone shouting at a video game. It had allowed him to reconnect and refocus his energy.
There had been a lot of low days at the beginning of his hiatus. He had been wrecked with guilt, and shame and boredom. But eventually he found ways to channel that into new hobbies and to use it to better his artistry. He began taking long walks in the neighborhood with Kaami. Her small gentle footsteps guiding his own. He began sitting in silence in his room, sketching away for hours. Drawing his friends, and flowers, and views he remembered from childhood.
It had been an opportunity to reset himself, and within a few weeks he had developed a new routine.
He learned how to cook - mostly simple things - but still it was an accomplishment. And he loved taking pictures of his omelettes or fried rice dishes and sending them to Minho. He usually replied something funny: the rice looks crispy, like you would if I finally got you in the airfryer! Your omelette is so flexible, it must take after it’s dad!
Hyunjin kept his interactions with the group at a minimum. It would be too painful otherwise, so sending food pics was a good way to hear from them.
After breakfast he would play with Kkami for a bit and then usually have a work out session.
He would have liked to be able to go to his usual pilates class but that was out of the question. He didn’t want to be spotted anywhere. It was best if he stayed out of the public eye, so instead he asked Bangchan for some pilate/yoga video recommendations.
It actually turned out to be very fun. He would balance his laptop on his bed and try out the different positions on a mat on the floor, bending and twisting his body, using his core strength to maintain the positions even longer than the instructor. After a week or so he no longer needed the videos, he remembered all the steps himself, and so he did the routines at his own pace, Kkami occasionally running around him curiously, probably wondering why the heck his body was contorted so strangely.
His mom usually made lunch, and on days where the weather was nice the three of them would take it together on the terrace, watching Kkami run on the grass, her fur damp with dew.
In the afternoons he would listen to music and draw, feeling the hours slink away easily. On good days he might also text Han, or Felix, sending them pictures of his work or emoji’s. They always answered as quickly as they could, complimenting his art as if it was museum worthy.
When his wrist and neck got stiff from sitting at his desk he could head over to the living room. His parents were usually gone till dinner time so this was his favorite time to dance. He would move the furniture out of his way and then play some of his favorite choreo videos on the TV. The practiced all their old sets, and some of his favorites by other groups. He learned new ones too, enjoying the challenge of trying to make his body look good and at ease without having the help of mirrors everywhere.
He would try to dance for two or three hours. He knew that the rest of his group mates were having much longer and harder sessions as they prepared for Kingdom, but it was boring to dance alone for so long, day after day. So three hours was acceptable, and at least this way he would be in shape when he got back to them.
After dancing he would shower and go on his phone for a while, his hair wet against the pillow, and Kkami settled comfortably in the nook of his arm until his mom called him back for dinner.
His diet was different at home too. In the dorms he rarely woke up early enough to have breakfast, and so his whole eating schedule was different. But here he was living like a regular person, with a full breakfast and lunch, so he consequently tried to keep dinner light. He would usually just eat fruits and yogurt, and while sipping his mom’s favorite green tea.
Although having to be home again was awkward, his parents couldn’t hide their happiness that they got to spend so much time with him. They were very cute about it actually. His dad would go out his way to buy him his favorite foods, and in the evenings they would all watch movies together, Hyunjin sitting between them like he had when he was a little kid.
Afterwards he would drink more tea up in his room, his window open so that he could look outside at the darkening sky. Nights were usually the most difficult. It was when he felt his loneliness the most. In the dorms nights were busy. People were showering, looking for missing items of clothing, playing video games, teasing each other. There were a dozen things going on, and by comparison his house was perfectly still.
In these moments he pulled out his cellphone and reviewed the groups activity on their various platforms. He would check their instagram, the Kingdom performances, the cute little videos they uploaded on tiktok. And his heart would ache a little as he saw how happy and busy they all were. He loved looking at Felix’s smile, hearing Bangchan’s laugh, watching I.N complain and maneuver himself away from the other members. It felt like being home again.
“At least I have you with me,” he murmured to Kkami, petting her soft floppy little ears.
She looked up at him, her eyes dark and starry, and he pulled her closer. Yes, getting to spend this much time with Kkami was his silver lining.
Now that he was back at the dorm room his routine had changed again. He didn’t want to fall back to his old bad habits, such as going to bed at 2 AM or never making time to paint and draw. Those were things he liked to do, and yeah, they might not be professionally relevant, but that didn’t make them any less important. In fact it was nice to have other outlets to be creative, ones he didn’t have to show to others unless he wanted to. And there were other things he had worked on during the hiatus that he wanted to continue doing, such as eating breakfast, and having more fruits, and drinking green tea instead of getting hopped up on caffeine all day long.
When he arrived back all the boys were so happy to see him that he didn’t have a second alone. There was always someone with him. Felix would sneak into bed with him, Han would bug him when he went to make tea in the evenings, and I.N and Bangchan were always around laughing at everything he said and hugging him at every opportunity. It was lovely - but of course it got old fast.
“I know you missed me,” he complained as Bangchan squeezed him. “But this is too much Hyung!”
“No, not letting you go,” said Bangchan in his baby voice.
Hyunjin rolled his eyes and shoved him away. “Seriously! I need some space,” he said. “Get away!”
And the next thing he knew Bangchan was tackling him to the floor, then Changbin was on top of them, laughing, and before he knew it he was buried under seven boys.
They had finally calmed down after a few days, and he found himself sneaking off to the quietest section of the dorms with his headphones and his sketching book.
He would withdraw himself into a calm little bubble and do art in his free time, thinking of Kkami. Sometimes Felix would pop in, but he would do so quietly, taking a seat beside Hyunjin and just watching him work, nuzzling affectionately against him. Seungmin would come in too, also fleeing the noise of the rest of the dorm, he would sit down opposite Hyunjin with his journal and quietly scribble away as Hyunjin drew. He liked sharing a quiet moment with them.
The rest of the time of course they were very busy preparing for the comeback. They would have dance practice for hours, until they were sweaty and sore, lying on the floor of the JYP choreo room, and practically pouring water over each other. But it was a sweet kind of exhaustion. The excitement was tangible in the room, and it was incredible seeing how much their practices improved day by day, slowly coming together until the choreo was second nature.
“You look good,” said Minho from the corner as Hyunjin finished practicing his solo bit in the View.
He turned around and smiled at him. “Praise, from you?”
Minho rolled his eyes. “Watch it or I’ll stick you in the airfryer.”
Hyunjin laughed and flashed him a radiant smile before getting into position and doing the routine again. He wanted it to be absolutely perfect.
Slowly as he got more accustomed to being back in the dorms a strange mish-mash of old and new routines developed. For instance he started going to bed later (close to 1 AM) and consequently getting up later too. But he started helping Minho make breakfast for the other boys, and instead of his usual coffee, he drank green tea, thinking of his mum. He would spend most of the day recording and practicing, but in the evening instead of playing video games with IN, he would grab his headphones and go draw for a little bit.
“You’re getting so good,” said Felix, eyes wide, as he watched him work on a self-portrait.
“It’s not so good,” he said, trying not to sound too full of himself.
“It’s very cool,” said Felix in English, moving around him to see the drawing better. He leaned partially over Hyunjin, studying the lines he had carefully constructed. “You’re amazing,” he said and Hyunjin felt like his soul had been warmed.
In the evenings after having a nice hot shower (never quite long enough cause inevitably someone needed to pee) he would put on his comfiest pajamas and go bug Seungmin in bed. He would be journaling or reading, and Hyunjin would settle beside him on the bed, enjoying his silence.
It was like now that he had gotten so many months without the other members he was enjoying every moment that he had with them. Everything brought him joy. From IN eating cereal, half asleep in the morning, to Minho complaining when he couldn’t find the specific sweatpants he wanted to wear in the morning. He loved watching the way Bangchan smiled when Seungmin was singing, or the way Changbin moved his hip slightly differently than the rest of them when they were doing the group choreo.
"Watch a movie with me?” said Han one evening after they got back from filming.
If Hyunjin were keeping to his new routine he would retreat and go draw, but the truth was he was tired and the movie felt like just the thing. “Okay, but you go make me tea.”
Han groaned and Hyunjin flashed a smile: “Do you want me to join you or not?”
“Damn, you came home with a big head.”
He laughed. “And you’ll do it, cause you missed me-” he sang the last part.
Han shook his head, but then he went into the Kitchen to make Hyunjin his tea, while he remained comfy on the sofa. When he return they choose a movie, and Hyunjin lay his long body across the couch, his head against Han’s chest, and one of Han’s arms around him.
“I did miss out on movie nights.”.
Hyunjin smiled wickedly. “You missed everything about me.”
“No,” Han said in a completely unconvincing voice.
“Yes,” cooed Hyjunin, and they went back and forth, getting so loud that they started drowning out the movie.
And slowly as the weeks passed, it started to feel almost like he had never been away. The dorm was his home, and the kids were his family. And slowly he started staying up later, and waking up later, and drinking more coffee, and playing more video games. In fact the only thing that really stuck from his new routine was the art.
He wasn’t drawing every day, like before, but he was still doing it 3-4 days out of the week. It was a good way to relax, and listen to music, and get a moment to reconnect with himself. But without a doubt the best part was how much everyone hyped him up. All he had to do was make a simple line drawing and suddenly Bangchan was calling him brilliant, and Felix was hugging him, and IN was saying that he could never be that skilled.
And he appreciated it so so much. Every word and gesture and piece of praise. It all just made him feel loved.