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Sometimes songs came in pieces. Little fragments that you collected and put together like a collage. Other times they were spontaneous, as if he pulled them fully formed out of the air during their work session. Sometimes, it was difficult to remember which parts were his words, and which were Changbin’s or Bangchan’s. They worked quickly, they worked well, there was a natural flow between them that had developed from years of song writing together. Other times he had a clear concept in mind, something from his own life, or a movie he had just watched. He would spend a few days thinking about it, and then inevitably a song would arise.
Except when it didn’t.
“I’m a failure,” said Han as he flopped down onto his stomach on the bed, his face squashed against his pillow.
“What did you say?” said I.N from the bed next to his, he had his phone propped in front of him and one airpod in.
“I’m a failure,” he repeated this time a little louder.
“Oh,” said I.N, too accustomed to Han’s dramatic talk to take it very seriously.
“You’re not paying attention!” said Han, grabbing a stuffed * and throwing it at I.N.
I.N however was quick enough to duck out of the way but Han ended up getting what he wanted as the younger boy shuffled on the bed to look at him better. “Okay, what’s the matter?”
“Haven’t you been listening, I’m a failure.”
I.N rolled his eyes. “No, really what’s happening?”
Han sighed and flipped over onto his side so that he was facing I.N. “I haven’t written any lyrics in like five weeks.”
“Oh, that!” said I.N with little concern. “That’s your big problem?”
“Well yeah-”
“That’s not a problem at all. We’ve got tons of other songs ready to go, besides we’re too busy to record anything right now anyway,” said I.N.
I.N was right, and Han knew he was right, but it didn’t help the feeling in his gut, the one that told him that he should be doing more. He flipped over onto his back on the bed and closed his eyes. This was their first day off in over a week and he had planned to enjoy it.
He had wanted to go to a park or a cafe, or something. But it was raining outside, and the forecast said a storm was coming. However, it wasn’t only the weather that held him back; he also felt tired and drained, and he didn’t have enough energy to make himself get out of bed.
Han closed his eyes. He could hear the rain beating softly against the window, and the wind ratting the trees outside. There were street sounds too - cars rushing by, a siren in the distance. This was what the city felt like, and there was a sort of soothing element to it all. There was never really silence - especially in their dorm. There were just too many of them for any amount of quiet.
He didn’t have to strain his ears to make out the sounds of people cooking in the Kitchen, and Bangchan laughing in the next room, but these sounds were soothing too. He flopped back over onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow. He had just laundered his sheets (or well Seungmin had) and they smelled fresh and clean and faintly of lavender. He breathed in the scent, feeling drowsiness come over him.
Why shouldn't he nap? They had had a grueling schedule for weeks and weeks, so a little nap would do him good. He snuggled against his comforter. In a way he had really lucked out having I.N as a roommate. I.N liked to keep to himself, he slept a lot, and when they were in the room both of them were usually pretty quiet. It made their room have a distinct atmosphere from the rest of the dorm. And it meant he could pretty much sleep whenever he wanted to.
Han had nearly drifted off when the door to their room opened. He heard the creak vaguely and then the next second he felt a body fall onto the bed partially on top of him.
He groaned as he felt Lee Know smack his ass. “I thought you were going out?”
“I’m tired,” Han responded with a groan.
Lee Know rested his arm against Han’s shoulders. “So, you’re going to sleep?”
“I was trying to.”
“No, come hang out with me,” he said, his breath hot against the back of Han’s neck.
Han grinned into his pillow. “Go ask someone else.”
“You’re the only one who likes scary movies.”
Even though Han couldn’t see him from his position, sprawled out on his stomach on the bed, he could just tell by Lee Know’s voice that he was pouting. “That’s not true; Bangchan likes scary movies.”
“But he’s busy,” whined Lee Know.
“So am I! I’m trying to sleep.”
He felt Lee Know lean more of his weight against him. “Or you go to sleep after we go watch a movie.”
Han gave another groan. The truth was he wasn’t really annoyed. He liked watching scary movies, and Lee Know’s weight on his body felt comfortable, even comforting in a way. Plus there was something especially nice about watching scary movies while it was raining outside.
“Fine,” he said grudgingly. “But get off, will you?”
Lee Know rolled off of him, landing gracefully in the space between his and I.N’s bed. “Wanna join us?” he said to I.N wiggling his eyebrows.
I.N shook his head. “Definitely not.”
“Oh, come on, it’ll be fun,” said Lee Know, as he helped Han to his feet.
“I don’t like scary movies,” said I.N, keeping his eyes fixed on his cellphone.
“Leave him, he’s just a kid,” said Han, tousling I.N’s hair as they passed him.
“I am not!” said I.N loudly as they exited the room.
The rain was less audible in the hallway, but everything was so dark that it looked like it was night already. Han reached to flick the lights on, but Lee Know put a hand on his wrist. “It’s creepier like this,” he said, giving him an evil smile.
“Since you woke me up, I get to choose the movies and you have to bring me snacks,” said Han.
Lee Know gave a little huff but complied.
“And make me coffee!” Han shouted after him.
He settled on the squashy sofa and quickly searched lists of scary movies. Since he got to choose he would go with one in English, just to make Lee Know suffer a little. After some scrolling he found the one he wanted and streamed it from the TV.
“Hurry up!” he shouted.
“Do you want coffee or not?” Lee Know replied.
He did want coffee.
A few minutes later Lee Know appeared again with a small tray. Han perked up, eyeing the snacks that Lee Know had selected. There were two big mugs of coffee, with plenty of cream and sugar just like he liked it. There were also sweet buns and little cups of sweetened peach slices.
“This looks good,” said Han as he instantly grabbed one of the buns and stuffed it in his face.
Lee Know laughed as he settled into the place right beside him.
“What are we watching?”
“It’s in English-” said Han to which Lee Know instantly groaned. “And it’s supposed to be very scary.”
“I hate Hollywood movies. Why are you doing this to me?”
Han ignored his comment, and instead shuffled closer to him on the sofa. He had heard a lot about the Blair Witch, including Felix’s assertion that it was the scariest movie he had ever watched. Felix had seen it at a birthday party when he was a kid and had gotten so scared he had run off and hidden in the bathroom for a good twenty minutes during the worst part.
He pressed play from his phone and the film began. It was a found footage film from the 1990’s and centered around three American teenagers talking directly to the camera. The quality was retro. Part of it was even filmed in black and white.
Han sipped his coffee as the protagonist Heather explained that she and her friends were going into the woods to try to find evidence of the legendary Blair Witch who had lived in hiding there for centuries. It was a familiar premise, but Han found something pleasantly eerie in the shifting camera style. The narration, and the actions of the three characters was casual, welcoming, as if you were going along with them. This effect was helped by the fact that they looked pretty young.
“Which one of them do you think is going to get eaten first?” asked Lee Know as he opened one of the cups of peaches.
“The blonde guy.” Han opened his mouth and instinctively Lee Know fed him a spoonful of peaches.
“I think it’s going to be Heather.”
“Let’s bet, loser buys breakfast tomorrow.”
“Deal.”
They watched as the characters left their car and entered the woods, each of them carrying heavy packs with equipment and cameras. “You’re gonna regret this,” said Han.
“They’ll be too dead to regret it,” piped in Lee Know.
Han laughed and opened his mouth to get the other boy to feed him again. The peaches tasted overly sweet but they were satisfying in a way.
“Do you think this is going to make us hate camping?” asked Han.
“Nah, we would never be that stupid,” Lee Know answered with a shake of the head. “They’re not following a trail, they’re not leaving markings, they’re just asking for-”
“A witch to come out and eat them?”
“Yeah, or ghosts.”
Han hummed. The three characters were being rather foolish, and the worst part was that they kept arguing with each other about what they should do. There was a lot of tension between them, particularly because the boys questioned Heather’s leadership. If Stray Kids went camping that certainly would not happen. They naturally had a sense of hierarchy, and trust between them, even in hard moments. He couldn’t remember a single time where they had ever questioned Bangchan’s leadership - his outfit choices yes, - but not anything important like this.
The first night came in the movie, with the three characters sleeping in thin tents in the middle of the woods. Han cringed and moved closer to Lee Know. Although the movie had no music there was undoubtedly something creepier about the black and white shots of the trees and the inexpert camera motions. A strange sound became audible, a sort of rustling in the night, as if they were being surrounded by a supernatural force.
“I would scream and just run back to the car,” said Han.
“In the dark?”
“Well I would have brought more flashlights.” He reached over to the table and grabbed one of the sweet buns, stuffing in his face in one go. All the characters were terrified of the noises now, and they peeked out of the tents, trying to get a shot of whatever was out there.
“Bad idea, really bad idea!”
Han held onto Lee Know’s arm; he could feel his heart beating in his chest, but suddenly there was another cut and it was morning.
“The witch is slow, I would have eaten these guys first night,” said Lee Know.
Han laughed.
The protagonists continued wandering around the forest, growing increasingly lost and frustrated with each other. Han winced as they got into yelling matches about the route they should have taken and next to him Lee Know jeered.
“How can they just have lost the map?” said Han as they frantically searched for it.
“She must be doing it on purpose,” said Lee Know, narrowing his eyes at Heather. “She’s the one with the idea, she’s the one with the camera, she’s the one who led them there. Maybe it’s all a trick.”
A second later one of the two boys came on the screen and confessed to having thrown away the map.
Han visibly flinched as he finished the last of his coffee. “That’s a terrible idea! Why would he do that?”
“Maybe he wants to get eaten?” said Lee Know with a laugh.
Their fruitless day wanderings turned to another terrifying night. These were the parts of the film that Han found himself looking forward to the most. The creepy black and white shots of the forest, the strange muffled noises outside the tent, the fear in the eyes of the protagonists as they wondered what to do. And this night, it felt like the thing was getting closer. Han was at the edge of his seat, his elbows on his knees, eyes wide as he watched them run out of the tent in the middle of the night, trying to escape from some unseen terror.
“But again why would they do that? Why would they leave their shelter?”
The characters crouched in some low bushes, their heavy breathing giving Han goosebumps.
But then like the first night there was a harsh cut to morning.
“Where is the witch?” he said, narrowing his eyes. “We were promised a witch!”
“I’m telling you it’s the girl,” said Lee Know. “She probably invited another group of friends to follow and scare them.”
The characters returned to the camp they had abandoned and found that their stuff was full of a weird slime. On top of that stones had been piled up around the tent in suspicious patterns, which made them all realize the gravity of the situation.
“See, this is how they should have acted after the first night,” said Lee Know with a shake of the head as he reached over Han to grab one of the sweet buns.
This morning all three of the characters were in a mood. Their feuding was growing increasingly unpleasant. It reminded Han somewhat of bad school projects, except the stakes were up a thousandfold, especially as they realized that they had been walking around in circles. There was a feeling of futility and hopelessness in the group that was ever increasing as they realized they likely were not getting out of these woods.
“It’s not scary,” complained Lee Know.
“It’s actually kinda depressing,” said Han.
Lee Know laughed. “I think it’s funny, who would be this stupid?!” he said, gesturing to the screen.
In the next scene something even stupider happened. They lost one of the boys. Han groaned. “Why would they walk so far away from each other?”
“Cause she’s sabotaging them?” suggested Lee Know.
The other two were calling his name, walking back over the area they had just been in, but there didn’t seem to be a single trace of him.
“Another thing-” said Lee Know. “This is from the 90’s right?”
Han nodded.
“I don’t think their camera batteries would have lasted so many days.”
“That doesn’t bug me, what bugs me is that we haven’t seen the witch,” said Han. “She better pop up tonight.”
But she didn’t come that night either. They heard her and felt her presence, but there wasn’t a single shot of her. Han grabbed the last sweet roll. It was starting to get annoying waiting up each night to not see the witch. What kind of scary movie didn’t show its villain? Wasn’t that the whole point?
The two remaining characters were still searching for their friend, but Han just knew he was dead already. And this was confirmed when Heather stumbled upon a corpse.
Lee Know let out a jeer and jumped in his seat. “That’s what you get for going off on your own.”
Han rolled his eyes, and pressed his head against Lee Know’s shoulder. “Next time we’re camping, I’m gonna glue myself to you.”
“And I’ll be sure to stand behind Changbin at all times so that we can use him as a human shield if we need to.”
Han turned his attention to the movie. Heather was hiding the lost boy’s death from her remaining companion. Probably so as not to scare him, but it added another somber note to the movie. She was carrying this big secret with her, and they were still occasionally shouting the dead boy’s name, as if he might just walk back into the frame.
That was the scariest thing that had happened yet. Or maybe scary wasn’t the right word for it; maybe it was more upsetting than scary. Lee Know passed an arm over Han’s shoulder. It was getting to be dark again, another night, and this time neither character seemed to have any hope left in them. It had all been drained away by their days spent aimlessly in the forest. They had no map, no food, and now they were one person short. In the dark of the tent, the girl turned on the camera and spoke directly to the audience.
“I just wanted to say to Josh’s mom and Mike’s mom and my mom that I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
You could feel the emotion in her voice even though only part of her face was visible.
Han rested his head on Lee Know’s shoulder. “Why is this so sad, aren’t scary movies supposed to be fun?”
“I don’t know.”
The last night came, there was rustling outside the tents, and the fear seemed to creep up into Han’s body as if he had ants crawling on him. Once again Heather and the last remaining boy ran out of the tents, chased out by a shadow that they couldn’t see. Han could feel his heart pounding as they found a strange structure, an abandoned little house in the middle of the woods.
“Is that where she lives?”
“Bet they’re not going to show her,” said Lee Know.
“They have to!”
They entered the house, but it looked abandoned, with litter and graffiti on the walls. It was a cool place to shoot a video, but otherwise appeared quite creepy.
“Why are they splitting up?”
“Cause they’re stupid,” said Lee Know. “They’re just going to die, we're not gonna see the witch.”
Han shook his head. “They shouldn’t even call this a scary movie then.”
“Yeah it’s definitely more of a frustrating movie about what not to do in the woods.”
He leaned forward, looking intently at the screen as the girl shifted the camera around the building. She was calling out her friend's name and Han could just sense that this was the end. She kept turning, going from empty room to empty room, litter and signs of blood on the walls. This had to be it, this had to be the moment the witch was finally shown. He could feel his body tense up as he stared wide eyed at the screen, waiting for-
Suddenly Han felt something on the back of his neck. Something that felt close and much much too real. It was a light sensation, like the touch of a feather but instantly put his hair on end, he jumped in his seat, giving an alarmed yelp and spinning around.
“What the hell?” he heard Lee Know shout next to him, the movie completely forgotten.
Behind the sofa Hyunjin was on his knees howling with laughter.
“You idiot!” shrieked Han, his heart pounding.
Hyunjin threw his head back as he laughed. “I thought the movie wasn’t scary!” he teased.
Lee Know grabbed on the cushions and threw it at his head.
Han put one of his skinny legs over the back of the sofa and jumped to the other side, intent on strangling his best friend.
Hyunjin stood up instantly and ran away from him down the hallway. “I surrender! I surrender!” he shouted.
Han chased after him, finally tackling him down on the floor of the bedroom he shared with Lee Know and Seungmin. “You’re gonna pay for that,” said Han, his hands instantly going to Hyunjin’s ticklish spot right at the base of his neck.
Hyunjin’s long body twitched underneath as he broke out in helpless laughter, his limbs flailing as he attempted to push Han off of him.
Seungmin, who was reading in bed, didn’t even look up as they struggled on the floor.
“Come on! You wanted to get scared!” said Hyunjin between gasps.
“Not by you!” Han retorted, shifting one of his hands under Hyunjin’s t-shirt and tickling his sides.
“Ahhh!” Hyunjin screamed.
“Can you like go somewhere else?” said Seungmin with exasperation.
Han glanced up at him. “No, he scared-”
But his moment of inattention cost him and Hyunjin flipped them over so that he was on top of him.
“Hey you were complaining the movie wasn’t scary, I was helping you be scared. I was being a good friend.”
Han rolled his eyes. “Good friend,” he huffed, trying to push Hyunjin off, but the taller boy had pinned both of his arms down.
“I’ll let you go if you promise not to tickle me.”
“No.”
“Hannie-” he whined.
Han rolled his eyes. “Fine, no more tickling.”
“Good,” Hyunjin climbed off of him and then offered him a hand up.
“Nice, now you can both get out of here,” said Seungmin drily from the bed.
Han and Hyunjin looked at each other, and then as one they dove onto Seungmin. “Ugh,” he groaned as their combined weight rolled over him, knocking his book on the ground. “What did I do to deserve this?”
“Oh, you love it,” cooed Hyunjin, messing up Seungmin’s dark hair with his hand.
Seungmin made a low growling noise as Han stretched over the left side of his body, one of his legs intertwined between Hyunjin’s so that they became a nearly incomprehensible pile of limbs.
“What’s more important: reading, or spending quality time with your members?”
“Why does quality time mean getting crushed?” complained Seungmin.
Hyunjin giggled and propped up his chin on Seungmin’s chest, staring up at him with his beautiful dark eyes. “Because we like crushing you,” he said simply.
Han had to admit Seungmin was a shockingly comfortable surface to lie on, much more than Hyunjin had been, and he found himself getting kinda settled just as Lee Know walked through the doorway.
“Anyone dead?” he said.
“I wish,” muttered Seungmin, his voice partially muffled.
“How did it end? Did we see the witch?” asked Han as Lee Know walked over to them.
Instead of answering he smacked his ass.
“Hyung!” Han whined.
“Sorry, what was the question?” said Lee Know with an evil laugh.
“Did we see the witch?”
“No.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,” said Lee Know who sat down on Hyunjin’s legs near the end of the bed, his neck craning in the low ceiling of the lower bunk. “The camera just kind of drops, and we’re left to assume.”
“I hate that,” said Han.
“Me too,” said Hyunjin with a pouty expression.
"Oh, shut up, you don’t even know what we’re talking about,” said Han, shoving him playfully.
Seungmin groaned. “Does this have to happen here? On top of me?”
“Yes, puppy,” said Han, nuzzling against his chest. “We’re comfy.”
“You’re comfy.”
His intent in watching the movie had been to find some sort of inspiration, to single out some feeling or moment that was worth writing about. But that certainly hadn’t happened. He looked over his shoulder at Lee Know who was now smacking Hyunjin’s ass.
“Wanna watch another movie?”
“Only if it’s Korean.”
“Okay,” he stretched his hand back and Lee Know took it, helping him up and off of Seungmin.
“Wanna join?” he asked the other two.
“Is it scary?” asked Hyunjin, his chin still resting against Seungmin’s shoulder.
“Nah, we can watch something all together.”
“Let’s watch a romance then,” said Hyunjin with a smile, as he threw his long legs off the bed and stood up. He looked back at Seungmin. “Come watch with us, read your book later.”
“Fine,” said Seungmin as if this was a painful duty that he was being asked to undertake.
When they got to the couch I.N was already there, as if waiting for them, and the four other boys crammed in all around him until he was groaning and complaining as usual.
In the end they decided to go for a drama rather than a movie, one called Something in the Rain. It had been a while since they watched something in a group like this. Han was seated with one of his legs over Lee Know’s and his arm squished underneath Seungmin, and at that moment it didn’t bother him at all that he wasn’t writing. There were definitely more important things.