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Jiang Cheng feels numb when the door falls shut behind him. His ears are still ringing with his parents' voices, but what’s worse is that Wei Wuxian’s words are burning themselves into his brain.
He can’t stay here.
Jiang Cheng starts to walk, not caring about what direction he goes in, beyond the immediate need to get away from this place but his parents’ voices follow him wherever he goes and Wei Wuxian’s words are like stones in his gut.
They are making their home in his bones and Jiang Cheng feels like he’s made out of lead all of a sudden.
He knew that his relationship with Wei Wuxian was never as good as he hoped or wished it would be but to hear him say those things—to have them thrown in his face like that—
Useless, worthless, arrogant, selfish, angry and cruel; not fit to be a brother to anyone but especially not Wei Wuxian.
Jiang Cheng whimpers as the words rattle around in his brain and suddenly it’s all too much. He can’t breathe and he can’t walk and he’s pretty sure he can’t see with how the tears start streaming down his face so instead of stumbling along he crouches down. Pressing his hands over his ears does nothing but make the ringing in them worse but he can still hear his parents and Wei Wuxian and he can’t do this, he can’t, it’s all too much.
He needs Nie Mingjue.
He fumbles for his phone, his hands shaking so much that he drops it twice, and he’s glad that it’s dark out already.
Jiang Cheng doesn’t need any of his nosy neighbours to witness his breakdown.
When he finally has the phone in his hands, it still takes him a while to unlock it and find Nie Mingjue’s number, the tears making it hard to read what’s on the screen, but eventually he manages to call him.
“Wanyin?” Nie Mingjue greets him. “Are you done at your parents already?”
He’s done with them alright, Jiang Cheng thinks and then hysterically starts to laugh.
“Shit, my heart, what’s wrong?” Nie Mingjue asks, his voice now urgent and Jiang Cheng’s laughter turns into sobs.
“I need you—can you come pick me up?” he gets out eventually and he hears rustling on the other end of the phone.
“Of course, of course. Just tell me where you are, I’ll come get you.”
Jiang Cheng looks around at that, but he doesn’t actually know where he ran off to. The only thought on his mind was to leave that place as fast as possible and he doesn’t know where his feet took him.
“I don’t know,” he whispers, new sobs breaking free. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” he repeats, and he means more than just where he is.
He doesn’t know what went wrong tonight, or what went wrong with Wei Wuxian and his parents and his entire life and Jiang Cheng fists a hand in his hair in his despair.
“That’s alright,” Nie Mingjue soothingly says. “Can you send me your location?”
“I—yes, I can,” Jiang Cheng says with a shaky voice and he almost drops his phone again when he tries to do that.
“Perfect, thank you, my heart,” Nie Mingjue says when it’s done and his voice is soft and low and it’s the only thing keeping Jiang Cheng grounded right now.
“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Can you hold on for that long?”
“No, I—please—” Jiang Cheng whispers and starts to hyperventilate again.
The thought of being left alone by even Nie Mingjue—no matter how short a time it will be and how irrational a thought it is—is almost too much for Jiang Cheng to take. He couldn’t take it if someone else left him, not tonight.
“Breathe,” Nie Mingjue cajoles him through the phone and he takes loud enough breathes for Jiang Cheng to match them.
“Just stay on the phone with me, please?” Jiang Cheng whispers once he finds his voice again and Nie Mingjue immediately agrees.
“Of course, no problem, I’ll go find my headphones and then I’ll come get you, alright?” Nie Mingjue asks and Jiang Cheng nods, too tired to speak all of a sudden.
He stays crouched down on the sidewalk, a little ball of misery, his phone pressed to his ear, and he listens to Nie Mingjue narrating his every step.
It’s stupid and boring all around, but Nie Mingjue’s voice keeps him grounded and it’s the only thing that manages to drown out the voices of his parents and of Wei Wuxian, so Jiang Cheng clings to his phone like the lifeline it is right now.
“I’m—I’m sitting down,” Jiang Cheng lowly tells him when Nie Mingjue lets him know that he’s close and Nie Mingjue hums.
“I couldn’t—it’s all too much,” Jiang Cheng breathes out, new tears gathering in his eyes and Nie Mingjue makes a sympathetic sound.
“That’s alright, Wanyin, no shame in that,” he reassures him and it feels so good to have someone say that he’s doing something right for now that he burst into tears again.
“I’m almost there, I think I can see you already,” Nie Mingjue’s voice comes over the phone and Jiang Cheng is too ashamed to lift his head and check if it’s true.
He stays crouched down, the phone painfully pressed to his ear and he only doesn’t startle when Nie Mingjue puts his jacket over him, because he’s still narrating his every step over the phone.
“I’ve got you now,” Nie Mingjue whispers as he pulls him into his arms, and Jiang Cheng sobs into his shoulder.
He doesn’t resist when Nie Mingjue takes the phone from him but he struggles when Nie Mingjue tries to pull him up.
It doesn’t feel safe, uncurled and vulnerable for the world to hurt him again, but instead of forcing him, Nie Mingjue sits down next to him.
“I want to take you home, my heart,” Nie Mingjue tells him, his arm still around Jiang Cheng and he turns into him, buries his face in his chest again, so he doesn’t have to see, doesn’t have to hear and think and be.
“Let me take you home,” Nie Mingjue whispers, his lips pressed to Jiang Cheng’s head and Jiang Cheng finally nods.
He can do home as long as it’s with Nie Mingjue.
It’s still a struggle to get up, mostly because Jiang Cheng’s legs are not cooperating at all, but with Nie Mingjue’s steady presence at his side he somehow manages to get to the car.
Nie Mingjue bundles him up in the seat, but then he stops.
“I have to let go of you to go around the car, alright?” Nie Mingjue asks him and Jiang Cheng reflexively tightens his grip on him. Then the actual words hit him and he forces himself to relax.
“Alright,” he says, his voice rough from all the crying and Nie Mingjue presses a quick kiss to the back of his hand before he lets go and rushes around the car.
Before Jiang Cheng can start to panic at being left alone, Nie Mingjue is already back, offering his arm for Jiang Cheng.
“I can’t hold your hand because I need to shift, but you can hold on to my arm, alright?”
Jiang Cheng nods and wraps his hand around Nie Mingjue’s forearm and then everything becomes a blur when Nie Mingjue drives.
He keeps talking to Jiang Cheng, keeps telling him everything he sees and what he does, but Jiang Cheng’s mind can’t keep up and the voices of his family come back.
Jiang Cheng whimpers again, removing his hand from Nie Mingjue’s arm to put them over his hears once more and he vaguely notices that Nie Mingjue asks him what’s wrong, his voice full of concern and Jiang Cheng can’t take it.
He doesn’t want to think, doesn’t want Nie Mingjue to know any of the things his parents and Wei Wuxian said and he doesn’t want Nie Mingjue to see him like this either.
“Stop, stop,” Jiang Cheng breathes out, and Nie Mingjue brings the car to a stop.
Jiang Cheng fumbles with the belt and then the door, but finally he falls out of the car, stumbling as he tries to get away from Nie Mingjue.
“Wanyin, please, what are you doing?” Nie Mingjue calls after him and he sounds choked up and it’s just another person Jiang Cheng failed; useless, cruel, selfish the voices chant in his head and Jiang Cheng presses his hands harder over his ears.
“My heart,” Nie Mingjue says again, closer this time and he carefully pulls Jiang Cheng into his arms. “What’s going on?”
“You shouldn’t be here,” Jiang Cheng chokes out. “You should get away while you still can, before I ruin everything for you.”
He doesn’t want to say it, wants to selfishly hold on to Nie Mingjue but he has to warn him, he has to make sure that he still gets a chance at being happy.
“You’re not going to ruin everything for me,” Nie Mingjue softly tells him. “I love you. I won’t let you ruin anything, okay?”
Jiang Cheng wants to tell him that it’s already too late for that, that he ruined his relationship with his parents and with Wei Wuxian already—that he ruined their lives, according to their words—but he can’t bring himself to actually say it.
Better Nie Mingjue never learns about that.
“Let me get you home, okay? I think you should sleep for a bit and then tomorrow will look different, alright?” Nie Mingjue tries and suddenly Jiang Cheng is exhausted.
He’s so bone-deep tired that he simply nods.
“’kay,” he whispers and allows Nie Mingjue to get him back in the car.
The rest of the ride is quiet, Jiang Cheng unable to process anything more today, and Nie Mingjue seems to pick up on that.
Jiang Cheng can’t even be surprised to see that they end up at Nie Mingjue’s home, and he obediently follows him when he leads him upstairs.
Nie Mingjue helps him undress, because Jiang Cheng’s hands don’t quite want to do what he wants them to, but eventually he’s in bed, the blanket pulled up to his chin and Nie Mingjue curled around him.
“Sleep, my heart,” Nie Mingjue whispers and Jiang Cheng turns to look at him.
“I’m not good,” he tells him. “I’m like poison and I will ruin everything you love.”
His voice doesn’t shake as he says it, because he feels too empty to have an emotion about this, but he sees how Nie Mingjue’s eyes fill with tears.
“That’s not true,” he softly gives back and brushes his thumb under Jiang Cheng’s eye. “You’re the best thing that happened to me.”
Jiang Cheng doesn’t think that’s true, but he’s too tired to argue with Nie Mingjue, too exhausted to make him see what a huge mistake he’s making right now and eventually, he drifts off, the voices of his parents and Wei Wuxian a distant murmur in his ears.
He doesn’t think tomorrow will be much better.
~*~*~
The next morning really doesn’t bring any magical solutions. Jiang Cheng’s head hurts, and he feels wrung out. So much so that he can barely motivate himself to eat breakfast and he only gets up at all because Nie Mingjue practically drags him out of bed.
“Wanyin, what happened yesterday?” Nie Mingjue asks once Jiang Cheng has a pot of coffee in front of him and Jiang Cheng jerks with his question.
“Nothing, it’s—“ his voice shakes, and he curses the fact that he’s unable to even lie convincingly. “A few—some things were said, and now it’s—” he reaches for his phone, trying to distract himself.
He almost starts to hyperventilate when he sees the barrage of messages from his parents. Instead of clicking on any of them he goes to his chat with Wei Wuxian but when he clicks on it, his hand goes numb.
Wei Wuxian blocked him.
“My heart,” Nie Mingjue carefully asks, sliding the phone out of his hands and it’s only then that Jiang Cheng realizes that he’s crying again.
It’s not the big sobs from yesterday, but tears are sliding down his face nonetheless.
“What happened?” Nie Mingjue asks again, and he seems to get increasingly more desperate.
“I can’t go back,” Jiang Cheng tells him. “I can’t—they are going to cut me off. I have nowhere to live.”
“Okay, we’ll deal with that, that’s not a problem at all,” Nie Mingjue reassures him and cups his cheek in his hand.
“What else?”
“Wei Wuxian blocked me, so I guess we’re no longer on speaking terms,” Jiang Cheng whispers, his voice barely audible and he wonders what kind of horrible person he really is.
“Did—did you two fight?” Nie Mingjue wants to know and Jiang Cheng straightens his shoulders.
“Mingjue, I need you to promise me that you’ll cut me lose the moment I get too much. Don’t try to work through it, don’t try to change yourself or anything, simply tell me to fuck off, alright?”
Nie Mingjue only blinks at him, so Jiang Cheng fists his hands in his shirt.
“Mingjue, promise. Promise you won’t let me ruin you.”
“Wanyin, who told you these things? That you would ruin everything?”
“It doesn’t—it’s true,” Jiang Cheng says with a shrug. “I know what I’m—” worth, Jiang Cheng wants to say but the truth is, he’s worth shit. He’s absolutely worthless.
Well, at least he knows that.
“You’re worth everything,” Nie Mingjue fiercely says and pulls him into a kiss. “You’re my heart, of course you’re worth everything.”
“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Jiang Cheng mutters and turns his face away.
It will only be a matter of time before Nie Mingjue realizes what he’s really worth and then he’ll cut his losses, like he should.
If not even Wei Wuxian can stand him, then Jiang Cheng doubts that anyone else can.
But for now Jiang Cheng is too tired to argue, and his heart is too beaten up to force Nie Mingjue away right now, so when Nie Mingjue pulls him into a hug, Jiang Cheng goes without complaint.
“Just promise,” Jiang Cheng still whispers and he feels Nie Mingjue shudder.
“I promise,” he gives back and that really has to be enough for now.
Jiang Cheng slings his arms around Nie Mingjue’s middle and only listens to Nie Mingjue’s heartbeat.