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xingqiu wasn’t big on birthdays. ever since he was a kid he quickly became used to hand-me-downs from his brother, tea-sets or old books shipped from the yae publishing house in inazuma. he never complained as it was all he knew, but he used to watch as kids his age get luxurious silverware or silk socks.
the highlight of the day used to be when his brother would take him to mount tianheng and watch the boats enter and exit the harbour. they used to guess where the boats had parted from and what they were carrying. xingqiu used to laugh at his brother who joked about them coming from non existent nations carrying non existent ware.
then of course, not everything nice lasts, and over the years his brother became far more busier with the feiyun commerce guild and had no time for such idle activities - even if they only happened once a year - and xingqiu had to spend more time by himself.
as the years passed, xingqiu soon found him acquainted with the son of an exorcist family, chongyun, who just happened to be his age. along with chefs mao’s daughter, xiangling, the self taught rock ‘n’ roll musician, xinyan, and even the 77th director of the funeral parlor, hu tao, the five of them were well known in liyue. as of present day, they were growing older and older and more responsibilities were handed over to them and they met less often.
so when did xingqiu realise he had feelings for his best friend of them all? maybe it was that time chongyun put ice cream in his chilli chicken. or maybe that time when chongyun brought him that tassel which xingqiu hasn’t removed from his side ever since. or perhaps it was the time xingqiu had lost his current read and, with help of chongyun, searched all evening with no sign. he had grumpily told chongyun a good night as they parted ways. chongyun however, didn’t stop and spent the night frantically running over liyue and eventually find it and eagerly waited for xingqiu to wake for him to give it.
or maybe it was during his first heartbreak that was soon going to occur.
his birthday started like most. downstairs he was greeted by a breakfast all too huge for a family of four and one present from each family member. they sat in silence, chopsticks meeting the plate, a sudden cough from someone. other people would say it was awkward, but to xingqiu this was all he knew. soon, xingqius father cleared his throat and announced departure from the table. more silence.
“xingqiu dear, why don’t you open your presents?” xingqius mother soon spoke. he reached for the one from his absent father. a book. xingqiu forced a smile, but knew he later would hand it to the wanwen book house as a donation as he had already read this book. it wasn’t a hit.
the next one was a pair of trousers from his mother, which he felt grateful for even tho he was still a growing boy and would grow out of them in a few months.
lastly he opened a tiny box from his brothers and to his surprise it was... empty? xingqiu turned to his brother who wore a sheepish smile, “i thought i’d take you up to the mountains today. like we used to when we were younger.” xingqiu couldn’t help but smile. it couldn’t have been easy for his brother to find time off to be with him, so he appreciated it.
xingqiu and his brother arrived at mount tianheng around noon. their mother had asked members of the feiyun guild to prepare them a nice picnic which the siblings happily set out on the mountain top.
xingqiu had almost forgotten the feeling of being this high up. the wind grabbed his hair as he closed his eyes. birds chirping above, the sounds of hillichurls dancing somewhere on the mountain side, the sighs of his brother. xingqiu couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so at ease with life.
they started their picnic, and although awkward, xingqiu managed to converse with his brother.
“who do you hang out with most these days? is it still the exorcists son?” his brother asked as he stirred the soup.
xingqiu munched on a meat bun, “yeah! xiangling is always busy in the kitchen and xinyan is planning a concert in inazuma soon! so it’s just me and chongyun adventuring. but i like it that way.”
“what about the traveller?” his brother had never met the traveller which had recently set off to inazuma, but had heard so much about them.
“we’re not as close. i like their company, as well as paimons, but they are always on the move. it’s difficult with long distance relationships, even if they’re only friendships.”
“did you read that in a book?”
xingqiu chuckled, “‘dare i tell you i love you’ by mo wuqing. it’s a classic.” his brother laughed along.
“so, when are you planning on getting a girlfriend?” here we go again . because xingqiu was entering his late teens he was expected to find himself a girl to get experiences. his brother hadn’t been the first to ask him about it. his mother, people from the guild, even old ladies around liyue. his own parents got married in their mid twenties and soon after had his brother. was xingqiu really expected to do the same?
“i don’t know”, was all xingqiu could answer. “what about you? still dating that zhulian?”
“it’s zhuli, but yes i am. i’m planning on proposing soon.”
xingqiu almost spilt his tea, “what?! gege! that’s amazing! i’m so happy for you!” they shared a brotherly smile but xingqius brother seemed to be thinking about something.
“thank you, but i’m serious a-qiu. i would like it if you brought a date to the wedding. you are the heir of the commerce build. you know that.”
xingqiu felt as though he had missed a few chapters in his own book. him? the heir? xingqiu had a clear memory of their parents blessing both of them with the guild years ago. what about his brother? would xingqiu be handling the guild all by himself?
xingqius confusing must’ve reflected clearly as his brother spoke, “haven’t you heard? me and zhuli are moving to sumeru. if we want to raise a kid, we want them to be surrounded by the best of the best, isn’t that so?”
“you can find the best of the best here, can you not?!” xingqiu found himself raising his voice. he liked to believe he never cared about what his family did as long as they gave him a roof to live under, but was this real frustration he felt?
“i just thought that maybe it’s time for you to get a girlfriend so you, too, can build a family.”
“i’m not even a legal adult and you’re expecting me to get married?!”
“that’s not what i-“
“oh i see...” the air felt humid all of a sudden and if xingqiu would’ve received an electro vision all those years back, there would’ve been a different story. “so that’s why you brought me here... to tell me how you’re leaving everything behind into my hands. expecting me to take care of things you’ve started?! i haven’t even been let into the office rooms and now you want me to be the boss!? and- and what if i don’t even like girls, huh? what if i want to get a boyfriend instead! what if i don’t want to take your stupid place as the perfect feiyun commerce guild boss! i’m clearly not ready.”
“xingqiu!” his brother rose to his feet, “enough of this!” there was silence surrounding the brothers, a gloomy light coming from above as rain started pouring, drenching them and the sad picnic setup.
as if disregarding all previous things xingqiu had mentioned, he said, “you’re speaking nonsense. of course you like girls. what has gotten into you?”
and with that xingqiu grabbed his sword and left.
down in the harbour people were rushing to close their stores as the rain kept pouring down. xingqiu saw xiangling hurry in and out of wanmin restaurant, he witnessed a couple of uncles helping granny shan in with her kites and the infamous dongsheng pile his vegetables in crates. xingqiu didn’t feel the will to help them and walked through the city.
only when the stores were emptied and people had rushed to their homes, was when xingqiu let out a sob and started crying in the middle of the pouring rain. all his frustrating from before turned from confusing to anger to pure sadness. how could his own brother do this? xingqiu had just turned 17, and now he’s expected to take care of his entire families business?
and get a girlfriend.
of course xingqiu had thought about his options. but whenever he thought about dating them, his stomach turned and he laughed to himself. xiangling? xinyan? hell, even hu tao? it was laughable. sure, he loved them all, but not like that. there’s only one person who could come close to what everyone would describe to be love.
still, over the past few days... where had that person been?
“xingqiu?” ah, that voice. in the rain, it wasn’t easy to make out, but xingqiu could clearly distinguish it in any life time. he wiped his face and turned to see the face of his best friend of them all.
the icy blue hair was all over the place because of the rain, his cheeks were puffy and red, signs of him catching a cold which should be quite literally impossible. just by seeing his face made xingqiu instantly feel better. however, chongyun looked worried, which is something xingqiu always hated to see him as.
“a-are you okay?”
“of course yunyun! it’s just, the rain has stopped the next ship from inazuma to arrive and i was expecting a huge book order today. is something the matter?”
chongyun nodded, then quickly shook his head. xingqiu noticed how the worry had quickly turned to nervousity and it was contagious.
“i’ve got something to tell you.” xingqius heart pounded. was this it?
“don’t be mad.” why would i be mad?
“i-i don’t think we should be friends anymore.” xingqius heart dropped in an instance. if chongyun said anything else, he wouldn’t be able to make out a word, as if rain had filled his ears. the world had quite literally, falling apart right in front of him.
when chongyun noticed how xingqiu didn’t respond to his words nor meet his eyes, he spoke, “xingqiu? are you okay? take your ti-“
“stay away from me!” and xingqiu left the scene.
chongyun stood left alone in the rain, confused and probably as broken as tbe boy who just left.
from the shadows xinyan and hu tao came, just as confused as the boy next to them.
“all i wanted to tell him was that i love him.”
three days prior, chongyun hurried to wanmin restaurant where xiangling was cooking.
“i forgot to get something for xingqiu!”
“relax. you’ve got like, three days, or something. that’s plenty of time.” a voice from the corner of the kitchen spoke as to which chongyun turned and saw xinyan biting into jueyun chilli chicken. xiangling chuckled from the open oven, “she’s right. you’ll find something.”
“you don’t understand”, chongyun reached for a popsicle, “xingqiu gave me a clear wishing list and is expecting at least three of those things. i haven’t even looked for places to buy them!” xinyan and xiangling exchanged a look.
“what in the abyss have you been doing this past year?” xinyan spoke. “haven’t you had plenty of time?”
chongyun nodded gloomily, “i have, but i’ve barely had time for myself. i’m almost always with xingqiu!”
“true”, xiangling said and poured her seasoning mixture into the pot, “so how come you’re not with him right now?” chongyun froze and his eyes widened.
“oh no. i promised him to accompany him to the woods for a calm place to read. i gotta go!” and with that chongyun left the wanmin restaurant with xinyan and xiangling laughing after his steps.
“i have an idea for a gift”, xinyan said, “but it’s going to take more than us two to convince chongyun to do it.”
“xingqiu! i’m so sorry i’m late! i got caught up in the kitchen with xiangling and xinyan.” chongyun arrived in the outskirts of liyue harbour where xingqiu was sitting on a stone with his latest read in hand. at first xingqiu didn’t respond, only tracing his gaze down the pages. chongyun knew xingqiu wasn’t mad but that he was just deep in the book at the moment and that he was not to be disturbed.
“so he was the father ! haha, i could’ve never have guessed. ah, yunyun, you’ve arrived! shall we head out?” xingqiu smiled at chongyun ever so brightly. in the sun, xingqius freckles were highly visible. they traced along xingqius cheeks like constellations in the starry night. it was a small detail, but xingqiu was highly insecure about them, although chongyun had many times explained to him they weren’t very visible unless it had the perfect lightning. xingqiu usually laughed and pinched his cheeks.
chongyun loved everything about xingqiu, even the small, usually unnoticeable details.
they strolled for quite some time, side by side, through the lands of liyue. the sun was stinging hot, but chongyun had made sure to bring as much popsicles he could manage and didn’t bring his jacket.
soon they reached bishui plains.
“here’s good”, xingqiu spoke and sat down under a tree near the statue of the seven where morax sat watching over them. chongyun sat down next to him, and as he did, xingqiu quickly placed his head in chongyun lap.
“mine now!” xingqiu laughed and chongyun prayed to the archons xingqiu didn’t see him blush as he bit into yet another popsicle. luckily xingqiu was already deep in his book.
chongyun recognised it from the time traveller had visited liyue for the moonchase festival. young and hopelessly smitten. if xingqiu only knew...
two days before the birthday, chongyun lied.
“what do you mean you can’t come with me?” xingqiu whined way too early in the morning.
“i’m sorry xingqiu... i’ve promised my father i’d stay home and practise my yang energy. maybe tonight?”
“it’s fine yunyun. a promise is a promise.” a lie is a lie.
chongyun met up with xinyan and xiangling outside of the funeral parlour.
“why are we here again?”
“you’ll see, you’ll see.” xiangling eagerly spoke. soon after hu tao popped her head out, “yahoo! so which one of you is confessing?”
the day before xingqius birthday was chongyun a wreck in every way imaginable. at 10am he had already finished his tenth popsicle to which chef mao had to make an entirely new batch.
“you just walk up to him like ‘hey, come here often?’” hu tao strutted before chongyun who only cringed.
“hu tao, we’ve been over this. of course he’s been wherever chongyun will meet him.” xiangling complained, “any other suggestions?” silence.
“guys”, chongyun made out, “do i really have to do this?”
“duh”, xinyan rose and paced where they were standing behind wanmin restaurant, “you didn’t get anything else so this is the final option, okay?” chongyun nodded gloomily.
truth was, none of them had had much experience with previous romantic partners so the subject of love was a tough one when it came to chongyun and his friends. the thought of... of confessing ... well, it wasn’t on his bucket list this year at least.
chongyun couldn’t even remember how long he had been in love with xingqiu. they’d known each other for years but chongyun had probably always felt as though xingqiu was going to be that person. xingqiu always described love to be complicated. that in every book he had read, there was always a problem, something hindering the couple to be together from the beginning. but how chongyun saw it, it didn’t have to be so complicated. nothing would have to change in between them, yet the thought of confessing made him crave jueyun chilli chicken.
“i got it!” hu tao suddenly exclaimed and chongyun hated the eager in her eyes.
“you want me to give you advice on a love confession?”
“please zhongli xiansheng! you’re the wisest person i know. you must have some love experience, right?” chongyun viewed man, zhongli, before them as he lowered his cup of tea. he wore a deep expression as he breathed heavily. he seemed to be deep in thought as if remembering a love that no longer was.
“come on let’s just g-“ chongyun whispered to hu tao and was about to turn, when zhongli spoke, “my best advice i would give is, be honest. you’ve known your friend for years now, you say? then there should nothing for you to be afraid of. if he truly regards you as a friend, but unfortunately do not feel the same, then he would still be your friend, and in best case scenario, open his eyes to new possibilities.” the four teenagers were wide eyed at zhongli who simply lifted his cup to sip.
“that was surprisingly helpful”, hu tao whispered which earned an elbow from xinyan.
“if there is nothing else, i shall take my leave with my best good lucks young friend.”
“he‘s one mysterious man”, xiangling said, “guoba! don’t follow him! no, come back here!”
“so what do you think chongyun? do you think you can do this?”
chongyun thought about it for a moment as he watched xiangling chase down guoba, then he nodded, “i can do this.”
“i cannot do this!” chongyun sank to the floor behind wanmin restaurant. xiangling was crazy busy today and wasn’t present, but xinyan and hu tao stood above him, sighing at the boy.
xinyan scratched her hair, “if you can’t, you better find a different gift for him and that quick! according to yunjin, xingqiu just left the feiyun commerce guild with his brother for a picnic in the mountains. when he comes back, it’s your turn. alright?” chongyun groaned and reached for a popsicle.
“did you learn nothing from zhongli xiansheng?” hu tao asked.
“i did! but... i’m too scared.”
“alright, i didn’t want to have to do this but, chongyun, i’m afraid of frogs.” both chongyun and hu tao were caught off guard as xinyan spoke and hu tao bent double laughing, but xinyan didn’t move a muscle.
“i’m serious.” chongyun looked at her with a puzzled face and hu tao seemed like she was pondering pranks involving frogs.
“lets not go into details, but for a long time it even kept me from performing. it became so severe, i had to cancel multiple shows because i couldn’t stop shaking. but eventually, i stopped and i continued my concerts. i was still terrified, but i wasn’t going to let my fear stop me from doing what i love. don’t give me that look, hu tao! wh-what i’m trying to say is, something shouldn’t stop you from doing what you love. if it’s fear your feeling, look past it and fix your eyes on what you love. because you love xingqiu, right?”
as the rain started pouring chongyun had already retrieved a flower bouquet, but it was getting ruined in the rain so he ditched it. he waited with an umbrella outside the feiyun commerce guild for ten minutes, then twenty, but only at thirty minutes in he watched xingqiu run from the mountains. but he didn’t stop at his home and before chongyun could call his name, he was out of ear sight. hu tao and xinyan was standing further away and gestured for him to follow. he dropped the umbrella and dashed after xingqiu.
he arrived by the empty plaza and heard a sob from his friend. was he crying? had something gone wrong? oh no, chongyun was freaking out over all wrong things.
“xingqiu?” he spoke almost too quietly but after a moment, xingqiu turned at his voice. xingqius eyes were puffy and his cheeks were stained red, not only from the rain, but something else too. xingqiu looked gloomy and chongyun felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. should be really do this right now?
“a-are you okay?”
“of course yunyun! it’s just, the rain has stopped the next ship from inazuma to arrive and i was expecting a huge book order today. is something the matter?”
chongyun nodded, then quickly shook his head. cursing himself in his head, he could feel his fingers twitch. he had to do this right now, or he would never be able to.
“i’ve got something to tell you.” chongyuns heart pounded intensely in his chest.
“don’t be mad.” i don’t want you to hate me.
“i-i don’t think we should be friends anymore. we-we should be together. like, together together. boyfriends, if you may. this is my birthday gift to you, so uhm... happy birthday xingqiu.” there. he said it. he breathed out and looked up and xingqiu but he was standing quietly before him, a mixture of emotions travelling on his face. chongyun felt his heart pound loudly in his chest. had he said too much? did everything go wrong?
“xingqiu? are you okay? take your ti-“
“stay away from me!” and xingqiu rushed away.
chongyun stood left alone in the rain, confused and probably as broken as the boy who just left.
from the shadows xinyan and hu tao came, just as confused as the boy next to them.
“all i wanted to tell him was that i love him.”
after chongyun dried up, it hit him. he was standing before his mirror in his room as he left tears stain his face. how could this go so wrong... maybe he had gotten it all wrong. maybe xingqiu never wanted to be his friend after all and the guilt got to him for leading him on.
xingqiu was right. love is complicated.
still, chongyun felt as if there were more to the story.
the rain eventually stopped and chongyun fled out of his house.
“where is he?” chongyun stood by wanmin restaurant where hu tao and xinyan seemingly had told xiangling what had happened. none of them knew.
“i’m sorry chongyun”, xiangling began, “none of us could’ve expected it to go that way.” chongyun nodded. it was very unlike xingqiu to react like that. he thought long and hard where xingqiu could be, but nothing came to mind. they shared many places together but who was to say xingqiu would be there after what happened.
then it hit him like a rock and he may have gasped at the realisation.
“you know where he is?” xinyan asked.
“well no, but yes i do.” and with that chongyun grabbed a popsicle and dashed off.
“where would you want to build a house?” xingqiu had asked one day after an adventure with chongyun.
“huh? what kinda question is that?”
“i for one would build it by luhua pool.” xingqiu waved his arm as if displaying water. “it’s calm, easy to read, and close to enemy camps for you to to your exorcists!”
chongyun laughed, “are you saying we’ll live together as we grow old?”
“of course yunyun! who else would wake you up with singing in the morning.” they both shared a laugh.
“so, what about you? where would you build a house?”
“first of all, i cant build hous-“ he received a light punch of the arm from xingqiu who tried hard not to smile at the other.
“okay okay... hmm, i would, if i could, build it by the bamboo forest outside qingce village.”
“original...”
“hey you asked!”
xingqiu hadn’t cried this much since fu hua died in ‘tell the moon i said hello’. with a heaving chest he made it out of liyue, rain still pouring endlessly from the dark clouds.
if today couldn’t get any worse...
his best friend in the world...
not friends..?
xingqiu’s brain felt as if it was pounding loudly against his skull and a headache crept forward. still, he couldn’t stop sobbing.
if there was no chongyun, how could there be a xingqiu?
xingqiu let his feet wander with no destination in mind. he just needed to get away from everything. maybe there was more to the story. maybe chongyun had finally decided to prank him back. maybe this was all xingqius fault for rushing off and not hearing him out. if chongyun felt as they should stop being friends, xingqiu shouldve at least listened to a reasoning.
but truth was, xingqiu didn’t want there to be a reasoning. xingqiu didn’t want them to stop being friends. and he couldn’t have imagined that chongyun wanted to end their friendship either. so why did he say that?
“gah!” xingqiu let out a scream in frustration. sure, xingqiu never really liked his birthdays, but these past few years... just being with chongyun had been enough.
xingqiu wandered for a long time and found himself gazing up at the waterfall in bishui plains, tears threatening to spill again.
it was here they had shared their first kiss.
“i’m just saying”, xingqiu leaned back and fell flat on the bridge, legs still hanging over the edge above the water, “when we eventually get partners, don’t you want to have experienc e ? what if they’ve had ten partners and as super experienced, and then there’s you, who hasn’t even had your first kiss.
chongyun only frowned, “how do you know i haven’t had my first kiss?” to which xingqiu ‘pfft’ed and said, “you would’ve told me, that’s how. and besides, you’re with me 24/7.” he smiled brightly up at chongyun who still looked unsure about it.
”so i just...” it caught xingqiu off guard but suddenly chongyun leaned down and their lips met. xingqiu’s stomach felt tingly and his cheeks burned at the sudden touch. they didn’t move, didn’t part their lips just... had them together for a bit before leaning back for air.
“i don’t think that’s how you do it...” xingqiu chuckled which was met by chongyun’s rose stained face. xingqiu sat back up and crossed his legs before his friend. a heartbeat passed. then another. xingqiu recalled a segment in ‘a love that no longer is’ where jamie had explained his first kiss with sam. hand on cheek, head leaning, closed eyes, slightly parted lips, and voilà. xingqiu’s thoughts were full of chongyun and his lips when he returned back home that evening.
chongyun made his way through small pools of water, through qiongji estnary all the the way to bishui plains. he panted as he heard his heart pound tactfully with his steps. the air was cold and eerie and the evening was coming. would xingqiu really be out here all alone?
the bamboo forest was horrendously quiet and there was no sight of xingqiu. chongyun wanted to cry out in frustration until steps came from behind.
“i thought i told you to stay away from me.”
“xingqiu!” chongyun turned. there he was, still drenched from head to toe as if he decided to take a bath with clothes on after the rain passed. when chongyun said nothing else, xingqiu turned to leave.
“before you leave! just... hear me out. when i told you, i really did not know you would have this reaction. if i would’ve known, i wouldn’t have told you. at least not like that. i just... i wanted it to be the best birthday you ever had. and even if you didn’t like me back, which you don’t, which is also completely fine, you would still find it funny and you would tease me all the time. and maybe, just maybe, you would one day start liking me too. but i’m sorry. i should’ve read the room, or the plaza, and not have told you and get you a book like any other person. it’s just... i can deal with you not liking me, i can deal with you hating me, but i could never handle us being something less than friends. i know i said we shouldn’t be friends, but lovers. what i should’ve said was, we should be more than friends, nothing less. xingqiu, i’m sorry, please don’t leave me.”
at first, there was only silence. and then xingqiu sank to the ground, shaking. chongyun froze but quickly realised xingqiu was... laughing?
“xingqiu?” chongyun asked, and was met with the smiley face of xingqiu.
“i stopped listening after you told us to stop being friends”, xingqiu laughed, feeling relieved as ever, “i’m so silly yunyun. i imagined you had more to say and i... i should’ve listened to you. you always listen to. me and... it was my turn to return that. yunyun... i’m the one who should apologise, because truth is, i’ve been falling for you for quite some time.” as if being in a book, then met halfway in a hug and tears.
a good silence and a handful of peeled lotus seeds later, xingqiu spoke, “i was already very emotional when you got there.”
“huh?”
“my brother, he took me to the mountain like he used to when i was a kid. he told me he’s moving to sumeru and leaving the guild in my hands. and he told me to get a girlfriend...”
chongyun spat out a lotus seed, “what!? i mean... are you going to get one?”
“no silly! i got you now.” chongyun prayed to the gods xingqiu didn’t see his red stained face, but xingqiu must’ve, as his face lit up in a rosey colour too.
“i’ll figure it out though. i always do.”
“yeah... you do.”
“so boyfriends, huh?”
chongyun buried his face in his hands and groaned.
“i like it! xingqiu and chongyun, boyfriends. it has a nice tone to it. come on, we should start heading back before it gets too dark.” xingqiu rose from the path and reached out his hand for chongyun to grab.
together they walked back to liyue harbour, hand in hand.