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It was the weekend, and Sam and Max were currently enjoying all the wonders Fall had to offer. That of course means that Sam was outside doing yardwork, while Max was wandering around the house doing whatever he pleased. Eventually, Max passed by Geek's room, and overheard her.
"Vampires are so cool..." Geek said out loud. Max's pupils widened as he heard those words, and all of a sudden, he rushed out the door to see Sam.
"What's up Max?" Sam said as his husband rushed up to him.
"SAM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" Max said as he pounced on Sam.
"Emergency? How bad could it possibly be?" Sam said.
"A code blood red!" Max said. Sam's eyes widened as he realized how bad things were getting.
"Holy shopping mall infested with zombies at 3 AM! A code red?! You mean-" Sam said as he was cut off by Max.
'YES! There is a possibility that our little girl will be corrupted by Twilight!" Max said.
"THE HORRORS!" Sam said.
"I know Sam, we need to go to every known bookstore in the area, and destroy every copy of the Twilight saga so our little girl won't become obsessed with the horrors of that book!" Max said.
"Of course Max, it is our duty as parents to make sure that never happens! Quick, to the DeSoto!" Sam said as he dropped the rake he was holding, and rushed to the DeSoto.
"Hey Sam, why don't I drive for once?" Max said.
"Well little pal, the state of New York has barred you from ever driving again until you take another driver's ed course!" Sam said.
"Stupid bureaucrats..." Max grumbled as he got in the passenger seat.
"Onwards, to the bookstore!" Sam said as the DeSoto revved to life, and blasted down the road at rapid speeds, until they made it to the local bookstore. They got out of the car, and rushed inside.
"Can I help you two gentlemen?" An employee said.
"Yeah, where are the Twilight books?" Max said.
"They're right over there." The employee said, pointing in the right direction.
"Thanks!" Sam said as he and Max rushed over to where the Twilight books were. They looked wide-eyed at the shelf.
"Holy log rolling down a busy highway from an unturned truck!" Sam said.
"That's a lot of books Sam!" Max said.
"Yep little buddy, it sure is!" Sam said.
"Can we even afford all of them?" Max said.
"Of course we can Max, why do you think we have all that money in our offshore accounts?" Sam said.
"Oh yeah right!" Max said as he and Sam grabbed all the Twilight books the bookstore had and bought them all. After this, they put them in the trunk of the DeSoto.
"Alright Sam, next off, all we need to do is go to a field and burn these bad boys!" Max said.
"Max, aren't there also Twilight movies?" Sam said as Max realized what Sam was saying.
"THAT'S RIGHT! I forgot!" Max said.
"The problem is, there are so many stores that sell DVDs! How are we supposed to destroy all them?" Sam said. Max thought about what Sam was saying. All of a sudden, he got an idea.
"Why don't we go to every big retailer in our area and get all the copies we can find?" Max said.
"That sounds like a great idea! Good thinking little buddy!" Sam said.
"Alright then, OFF TO WALMART!" Max said as the DeSoto blared towards Walmart. After going through every Walmart, Target, Best Buy, and other stores in their area, Sam and Max finally stopped the DeSoto in an empty field.
"Phew, I think we got every last piece of Twilight merchandise in our area!" Sam said.
"Posters, books, movies, video games, CDs, condoms.... I didn't even know they had Twilight condoms!" Max said.
"Just as much of a shock to me as it was to you little buddy. Now come on, help me carry these and put them in a pile!" Sam said as he started carrying the Twilight merchandise from the car, and put it down in the middle of the field. Max did the same.
"Jeez Sam, some of this stuff is pretty heavy!" Max said as he was carrying a Twilight-branded exercise bike.
"Don't worry little buddy, just get it to the pile!" Sam said as he lugged more heavy Twilight merchandise from the DeSoto.
"I'm surprised the DeSoto could carry that much stuff!" Max said.
"You know what they say Max, a car can carry as many things as it needs to because it's usually a modified clown car." Sam said.
"Never heard that one before Sam." Max said.
"Pretty sure I heard that one when we went to the circus..." Sam said as he carried the last of the merch to the pile.
"Alright, you ready Max?" Sam said as Max pulled out a rocket launcher.
"As ready as I'll ever be Sam!" Max said as Sam pulled out his own rocket launcher.
"On the count of three! One-" Sam said.
"FIRE IN THE HOLE!" Max said as he fired at the pile, leaving an explosion as the projectile hit it's target.
"CLEAR SHOT!" Max said as he prepared to fire again. Sam sighed as he started to fire as well. Eventually, the dust settled from all the firing the two had done, and when it cleared, there was nothing left in the pile, but smoldering pieces of junk.
"We did it Max!" Sam said.
"Of course Sam, now there's nothing left to corrupt our little Darla!" Max said as the two went back home, and saw Geek standing in front of them.
"hey Geek!" Sam said.
"Dad... Why did you two buy all the Twilight merchandise in town?" Geek said.
"Well Geek, you see..." Sam said.
"We wanted to make sure it wouldn't corrupt you." Max said.
"Okay, not like I was going to ever read or watch it... I don't even really like that crappy novel, it's the worst vampire story ever!" Geek said.
"But we heard you talking about how cool vampires were earlier today!" Max said.
"I was talking about like Castlevania and the old Universal movies!" Geek said.
"Oh." Max said. There was a moment of silence between the tree.
"Let's go watch mindless TV on the couch while ignoring all the morals and only focusing on the cool parts!" Sam said.
"Oooh, I'm all for that Sam!" Max said as he and Sam went to the living room. Geek sighed as she went to join them.