Work Text:
~...~
Still
~...~
"Still.
The story goes as stories will.
One afternoon beside
Some bolted garden gate
But how they do
And soon, so soon,
I'm late, I'm late, so late."
~...~
It was late, or early morning. Hell, he didn't know, didn't care, and, most importantly, he couldn't sleep. He wasn't sure if Ponyboy was sleeping or not, but he was quiet and not making a sound save for his breathing. Johnny figured - hoped - that he was sleeping, but even if he wasn't, the older boy was grateful for the silence around him. God knows that his mind was anything but quiet. All he could think of was the boy he killed, the life he took.
Sure, he did it to save Ponyboy and Johnny didn't think he'd hesitate to do it again if he had to, but still. That boy, Bob, was dead and Johnny had killed him. Hell, he had almost allowed Pony to die and that thought haunted him just as much. How the hell was he going to live with himself now? He had always hated himself and his life, but now?
Now...
Now, he was a murderer and a criminal, a true outsider. And he had taken Ponyboy, who was barely fourteen, with him, which probably sent his older brothers into a right panic. Johnny, who mere hours before had killed someone, was now responsible for a kid, his best friend, and one of the few people who brought light to his dismal life. But now, they were both in this abandoned church in Windrixville and life was chaotic, all-consuming, and so very frightening.
~...~
"Oh, I'm ahead of my time still,
If I keep moving
Forward, and I fall behind still,
So much to do when..
But how can I stop the clock in me
When I'm chasing me still?
Time is chasing me still."
~...~
At some point, he must have fallen asleep, though only for a few hours because when he woke up it was still pretty dark. Early dawn was on the horizon, the sun was barely coloring the clouds in the distance, and Ponyboy was definitely asleep. He was breathing softly, low and steady, and it helped to relax Johnny. For the moment, they were safe, in an unknown place with unknown people who had no idea who they were. What he did still hung over him like a cloud, but he had to do what Dally said: get supplies early in the morning and hunker down for a few days. Dally would surely be coming to get them after a couple of days; all they had to do was wait.
That thought made him jittery and nervous and he stood up, needing to get a head start into town and get supplies. Doing so was not only essential, but would help take his mind off of everything. Before leaving, Johnny shrugged off his jacket and covered Ponyboy with it as best he could. The boy looked cold and miserable and it tugged at his heart painfully.
He didn't like seeing Ponyboy upset or pained. It just didn't sit right with him. Everyone always kinda thought of Darry as the golden boy of their rag-tag gang and for the most part he was, but Ponyboy was special in his own right. Not like Darry or Soda or Dally; he had a spark that was all his own and it drew Johnny to him and kept him there. There was just something special about Pony.
The way his eyes lit up whenever he was happy or surprised or laughing. His smile that could be either subtle or as bright as the sun. How smart and compassionate he was and how he could also be stubborn and foolhardy. Thoughts like that drifted through Johnny's mind as he made his way to town. There really wasn't anyone else he'd prefer to hideout with than Ponyboy.
~...~
"Still.
Can't stories go where stories will?
Here, here they do.
Each afternoon stays rosy late.
Just me and you,
Our golden room.
Let the mad queen wait."
~..~
Ponyboy was not happy when Johnny told him about cutting and dying his hair, but it had to be done. They had to do something about their appearance, and, well, that made the most sense. And it was easy enough, even with his knife. But Johnny hadn't been prepared for how soft Pony's hair would be once all the grease was out of it. The reddish-brown strands glided flawlessly through his fingers and he loathed that he was about to ruin it.
But ruin it he did.
Before long the blonde was setting in and very prominent, just like the frown on the younger boy's face. Johnny patted his shoulder and squeezed it before he ran off to, hopefully, find a mirror. When he did and brought it to Ponyboy, the stunned gaze and a soft murmur of, "Oh, my God" told him plenty. When it was his own turn, Pony wasn't too gentle at first, but he soon took pity on Johnny and eased up as much he could.
It felt real good having Pony's hands in his hair and Johnny damn near fell asleep. What happened back in Tulsa was still weighing heavily in the back of both of their minds, but right now, at the church, it was just the two of them and nobody else. The world outside of this abandoned property was burning down around them, but they remained untouched in this place, still even, as though time had stopped or something.
Afterwards, they made themselves bologna sandwiches and Ponyboy began reading 'Gone with the Wind'. That had probably been the best purchase, really. The way Ponyboy's whole demeanor changed when he saw that book made Johnny's heart skip a few beats and caused a light blush to dust his face. And as the younger boy began to read and his voice was the only sound around them, Johnny took hold and sunk deep into a sense of security he only ever felt around Pone.
They were on the run and scared out of their minds, but the more Pony read of that book, the more it all seemed to slip far, far away. It was like all that stuff with the Socs happened in another lifetime and to another him. For once in his life, Johnny felt completely at peace with everything, and he had only Ponyboy to thank for that.
~...~
"Stay,
Where the grasses sway,
The river stopped moving.
Here,
With the lazy blue day.
Your roses just blooming."
~...~
Each hour spent in the church felt like another lifetime to Johnny. He and Ponyboy played cards, talked about whatever came to mind, and, in Johnny's case, listened to 'Gone with the Wind'. It was a nice enough story he supposed, but he really just enjoyed listening to Ponyboy's voice. Before all of this, back when life was just normal, Johnny had always felt a special connection to Pony and he had been aware of his minor crush on his best friend. Now, though, it was becoming increasingly apparent to him that it wasn't a mere crush. While he had never been in love before, Johnny was pretty sure that he was wholeheartedly in love with Ponyboy.
The younger boy was just something all his own. Even in their dismal predicament, Ponyboy seemed perfectly content just reading aloud with Johnny leaning against or on him or just flat out cuddling, usually at night when it was dark and reality was more prominent. He was warm and full of light and life and Johnny was in awe of that. In truth, he had always thought of Pony like a star, shining brightly in whatever darkness that surrounded him. And even though he lacked common sense most of the time, he was as sharp as a tack. Words failed to honestly describe the youngest member of their gang, and yet Ponyboy did that for him:
'Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief.
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay'.
That poem that Pony recited by that Frost guy, that summed him up perfectly to Johnny. Because he was golden in a way that Darry would never be, that none of the gang would ever be. It was part of who he was and that was rare.
"Johnny?" Ponyboy's voice brought him back to reality. Johnny looked down at the younger boy, who was shivering and huddled against him for warmth.
"Yeah, Pone?" Johnny responded.
"This'll probably sound crazy, but I wouldn't mind staying here a while, just you and me," Pony admitted, his voice soft and gentle. A shy smile spread across Johnny's face.
"That don't sound all that crazy to me," was his answer. Ponyboy's head moved and their eyes met in the darkness.
"Ya really think that?" he asked, sounding so young and small. It made Johnny want to curl around him and protect him forever.
"Yeah, I do," Johnny told him.
~...~
"So why can't we linger and dream?
Walk with me still.
Linger on with me still."
~..~
In the darkness of the church, with only an owl and a few mice to keep them company, their lips met in a tentative kiss, both of them clumsy and awkward. Johnnt couldn't speak for Ponyboy, but it was his first kiss, and it was perfect. It was everything he had always hoped it would be and so much more. Warmth spread through his body and without even realizing it, his hands were running through Ponyboy's soft hair. The shudder he got in response sparked his courage and fueled his desire.
They were close, so very close, and their first kiss turned into a second one, and then a third. Johnny didn't want to pull away and he didn't. Pony didn't seem at all bothered by their kisses, so why stop? It felt nice, real nice, and his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest. He felt Pony's hands cling to his shirt as though it were a lifeline. Their warmth seeped into one, enveloping them both in a cocoon. The moment was perfect and beautiful and fleeting. All too soon, they were breaking apart, panting softly with flushed faces.
"I've...I've been wantin' to do that for a while, Johnnycakes," Ponyboy admitted almost shyly.
"Really? It's not...it's not 'cause of..." Johnny trailed off as he gestured to the church around them. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't afraid of that possibility. It would devastate him if Ponyboy only kissed him because of their stressful situation.
But Ponyboy laughed softly, fondly, and shook his blonde head.
"Hell no! I've had a thing for you for a while now. I just...never realized how deep until..." Ponyboy trailed off, look sheepish.
"Until what?" Johnny probed gently.
"Until we met Cherry," Pony finished.
"Cherry?" Johnny repeated, not quite understanding.
"She was nice and pretty, but she wasn't you, and that made all the difference," Pony explained, a blush dusting his cheeks.
Not knowing what to say, Johnny leaned in a kissed Ponyboy, relief flooding him. It was nice to hear that the younger greaser had never been interested in someone else. He didn't know what he'd have done if Ponyboy only saw him as a friend and nothing more.
Exhaustion soon took them both over and they cuddled together for warmth and comfort as they both slipped into unconsciousness.
~...~
"Still,
Our stories know."
"It is until we run it through."
"So much to do.
Adieu, adieu,
Away, away."
"One look at you
And what's the use?
I've got my day."
~...~
The next day seemed to pass by at a snail's pace and it was wonderful. Though Dally had told them to stay inside, Johnny and Pony wanted to be outside for a little while, so they sat in the shade, enjoying the sunlight and warmth and the presence each other brought. It was peaceful and tranquil. Only the sounds of nature and Ponyboy's voice broke the silence around them.
Johnny had never known such peace and harmony. Back home in Tulsa, life had been tumultuous and hard, the rich looking down on the poor and the poor holding a grudge against the hand life had dealt them. In a way, it was sad and heartbreaking, and Tulsa was a place of sorrow and burden and grief. And Johnny had contributed to that and would have to live with it for the rest of his life.
But here, at this broken-down and abandoned church that reminded him too much of himself, with nature all around him, there was peace and a sense of acceptance. And, of course, Ponyboy was here too, and he shone just as brightly as the sun, if not brighter. The future was bleak, daunting, and immeasurable, but here, there was only the present, only now.
They were still greasers and on the run - nothing could change that - but at the church all they had to be was Ponyboy Curtis and Johnny Cade. And that was something they both accepted. Even when they were playing cards, eating, or just talking, it felt different from how they did those things back home. There was a freedom here that he had never had and although he wasn't used to it, he liked it.
Especially whenever they kissed.
Back home, they'd probably be beaten or even killed for displaying such affection publicly. Hell, Johnny didn't even think the gang would be one hundred percent okay with this new development in his and Pony's relationship. Normally, that thought alone would've been enough to send him reeling, and while it still gave him anxiety, it all felt so far away. Beyond his reach.
And how could he think really think about all of that when Ponyboy's voice was so soothing and hypnotic and the sun was so warm and bright?
~..~
"Run and play with me still.
On this page with me still.
Stay,
And stay with me still."
~...~
That night, when darkness had enveloped the landscape and the church, Johnny and Ponyboy gazed up at the stars. The sunset had been stunning and watching the way Pony's eyes softened and reflected the fading sunlight took his breath away. He looked beautiful and ethereal, as though he were from a whole nother world. Johnny didn't even realize what he was doing until he was kissing the younger boy, his hand cupping Pony's cheek as though it were precious porcelain.
Feeling Ponyboy's lips move against his own sparked a fire and a need so deep inside of him that the force of it was nearly frightening. Never before had Johnny ever felt this way about someone else; the intensity of his feelings was something unique and foreign to him. And he was completely caught off guard when Pony climbed onto his lap, his arms wrapped around his neck, his fingers delving into Johnny's dark hair.
He never thought this would happen; he never thought Ponyboy would be on his lap and kissing him like he was. The past few days had been uncertain and scary and stressful but also wonderful and exciting and new. In their own little world here, Johnny could be himself and take care of Pony without having to constantly look over his shoulder or be on guard.
In the back of his mind, he knew Dally would be coming to get them, but he wasn't sure how long that would be. And right now, with the way Pony was moving against him and sending waves of pleasure and emotion through his body, it was impossible for Johnny to think about anything else.
When his fingers nimbly slipped underneath Pony's shirt and caused the blonde to gasp, Johnny knew he was a goner. The skin that covered the muscles was soft beneath his fingertips and Johnny's touch was light and gentle, conveying his reverence and worship.
Though darkness wrapped around them like a blanket, Ponyboy shone brightly, far brighter than any star in the sky.
~...~
"Time is chasing me still."
~...~
Johnny was the only one of them awake now. Pony was cuddled against him, sleeping soundly, his breath soft and light against the older boy's neck. The love bites and marks that they both left of each other's flesh were covered by their clothing, but they still burned even hours afterwards, a reminder of just how intimate they had been. Just thinking about it made Johnny blush.
These day few days haven't erased what he had done and it would probably always stay with him for the rest of his life, but Johnny wasn't alone. He had Ponyboy by his side and, for the time being, he had this abandoned church, which had become its own little world in such a short amount of time.
He pressed a kiss to Ponyboy's soft blonde hair and closed his eyes, letting sleep finally take over.
~...~
"Still."
~...~