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“I, like, can’t just keep on kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you, Kusuo!” Aiura said, her fists balled up at her sides.
Saiki raised an eyebrow. Where was this outburst coming from? Why had she stomped down the street after him? Why had she followed him to this corner of the neighborhood after he left the café?
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked.
Aiura looked away. “I just had yet another hella shitty date. I’m tired of these other guys. None of them are my soulmate.”
Saiki felt his brow furrow in spite of himself. The sun sunk lower in the sky, hiding behind the tops of buildings, leaving the street in shadow. The street lights flickered on in a wave, one at a time. All this while he read her thoughts: She wanted to move on. She tried to move on. But she just couldn’t do it.
I’d probably be a bad kisser anyway, Saiki thought. She’s better off with them. But as the streetlight behind him flicked on, throwing a paling yellow light over Aiura’s face, he knew that it wasn’t true. Her expression was contorted, she was trying to hold back tears. There were fingertip-shaped bruises forming around her wrist. Evidence of that shitty date. Saiki suddenly felt his chest seize. He should have been there to protect her. If he were with her, it never would have gotten that bad. “You kissed that guy?” Saiki asked, eyes still trained on those lavender splotches on her arm.
Aiura shook her head. “He kissed me.”
Saiki’s ever-present frown deepened. He sighed, opened his arms. “Come here,” he told her, a quiet request.
She stepped forward and collapsed on his chest. “Ugh, why are those guys such bastards?” she lamented with a sad chuckle. Even if Saiki didn’t kiss me back, he’d still be better than all those assholes combined.
Saiki let his hands rest high on her back as she nuzzled into the sweater on his skinny chest. This felt nice, but not in the way she wanted it to.
“I know you’re not into romance or sex or whatever right now. I guess you might never be,” she said, mumbling into his shirt. “But still… I want to be with you.”
What does that even mean? Saiki wondered.
“I don’t want to spend time with other guys. I don’t care if you, like, never feel the same way about me. I’d rather be with a guy who cares about me for me, and I know you do, Kusuo.”
Saiki cocked an eyebrow, unsure what this suggestion really entailed.
Aiura took a step back and studied Saiki’s face with her hands still resting on his chest.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked, piecing her thoughts together in his mind to try and form a coherent idea of what she was asking for.
She tapped her chin. “Let’s be together, but not… like together-together. Like exclusive. But… Not in a romantic relationship, but still committed.” Does this, like, even make any sense?
Is this what she really wants? Saiki wondered. What she was suggesting sounded doable, reasonable. He wouldn’t mind having a significant other, but he would mind all the stuff usually associated with it. He liked the idea of being officially off-the-market, but he didn’t like the idea of being a doting boyfriend. This thing that Aiura was describing would be perfect. For him. But not for her. She wanted romance, she wanted dates and flowers and kisses and all of that. Maybe, if she was willing to give all that up, just to be with him, he could bend a little for her. He wanted to, at least sort of. He definitely didn’t want her turning to other guys for those things. So he would try. “Can you kiss me?” he asked, testing his theory and his resolve.
Aiura blinked in shock. Is he serious?
“Just… try it.”
Aiura’s eyes fluttered closed and she leaned forward.
She clearly knows what she’s doing, Saiki thought just before her lips pressed into his for his first kiss. He felt the warm press of her skin against him, the slight moisture of her spit, a tiny bit of suction against his lower lip. Then they parted. The whole thing lasted maybe three seconds and Saiki was, as he expected, unimpressed. He felt… nothing. Well, not nothing, but very little. It’s not like it was unpleasant, but his heart wasn’t pounding out of his chest or anything. He wished it would. He wished he could want all the same things she did.
She studied his face again, and correctly assessed: That meant nothing to him.
Saiki would apologize, except that he really didn’t have anything to apologize for. “Are you alright with that?” he asked. “I do care about you. But I can’t… do the kissing and stuff.”
Aiura’s eyebrows scrunched with something like sympathy. He tried. She smiled. “Maybe. I’ll do my best to be okay with it.”
Unable to handle the moment anymore, Saiki averted his eyes. “Let me walk you home,” he said, shrugging Aiura’s hands off of his torso.
Okay, I guess he gets it, Aiura thought, walking by Saiki’s side down the street toward her neighborhood. The yellow street lights seemed more golden now to her as they glinted off of Saiki’s face.
Saiki always wanted to be average, normal. But he never imagined himself being a lazy or careless partner. So whatever this thing was that he agreed to be for Aiura, he wouldn’t half-ass it like everything else in his life. He glanced down at her manicured fingertips, observing the way that her many bracelets jangled on her bruised wrist.
“I don’t like the idea of you being with other guys,” he told her, jarring her from her jumbled thoughts.
Aiura recovered and laughed. “Well, at least we’re totally on the same page with that!”
Saiki reached toward those fingers, the tips of his own fingers gently grazing her wrist. His hand slipped down until their palms were pressed together. Aiura took over from there and slotted their fingers, tan and pale, together. I think this will work, she thought.