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Azriel’s brow furrowed as he approached the doors to the balcony, having only just noticed the copper-haired, leather-clad Valkyrie. She sat on the thick stone railing, feet swinging as she appeared to gaze out over the city. It troubled him that he hadn’t seen her there before, and even more troublesome was the knowledge that there was no way she could have made it out there within the past two hours without his notice, as he had been in the sitting area opposite the dining room. He would have seen her or heard her or scented her, his shadows would have reached for her as they often liked to do. Something.
How long had she been out there?
Striding through the door, he squared his shoulders and pulled his wings and shadows in tight. “Could you choose a more dangerous place to sit?” he admonished as his steps brought him to her side. He shot her a sideways glace, seeing her eyes on him, before leaning his elbows on the rail.
“It’s not so dangerous, unless someone plans on pushing me,” Gwyn answered, a giggle tinkling in her voice. “And seeing as the only one here currently who might push me also has wings, I would hope that I am still relatively secure.” The shadowsinger chuckled.
“Fair enough.”
Silence hung between them, the only sound the distant buzz of the Rainbow and the thud of her heels against stone spindles. Azriel’s gaze fell upon her profile, taking note of her in the quiet. Something seemed off, and if the ever-so-slightly swollen eyes and the pink staining her cheeks and the tip of her nose were any indication, he figured she may have been crying not too long ago. The corners of his mouth tugged down in a frown as he contemplated how to continue the conversation, understanding the need to tread carefully.
“How long have you been out here?” The priestess gave him a shrug but didn’t turn to face him.
“I’m not sure. Awhile.”
The shadowsinger’s eyes narrowed as he pushed, “It has to have been a few hours, Berdara. I’ve been in the living room for the last two and I didn’t see or hear you come out.”
“Maybe you just didn’t notice.” Gwyn’s voice was teasing, yet tight. As if he was starting down a path she didn’t want to follow. An inky wisp darted out and skated over her speckled knuckles, hinting at the spymaster’s retort.
“As talented as you are, priestess, I would have noticed. As would my shadows,” he muttered flatly before adding a whispered, “especially if you appeared troubled.”
The Valkyrie’s sharp inhale wasn’t loud by any means, but it seemed to echo around them – an unintentional confirmation that she wasn’t her cheery, irreverent self. Those big, beautiful eyes darted to his for a moment, sparkling in the afternoon light, before darting away again. Azriel sighed. Clearly he needed to approach this from a different direction.
“So no plans with Nesta or Emerie? It’s quite unlike the three of you not to take advantage of a day off from training.”
“Yes, well, they have mates to fill their time and their hearts,” she snapped, but he kept his expression neutral. “So yes, I’ve been sitting on the gods-damned balcony for nearly four hours because nobody cares about me.”
It was Azriel’s turn to take a breath, eyes widening. The priestess groaned, rubbing her hands over her face before running her fingers through her hair in exasperation.
“Alright, so that was dramatic.” She grimaced, still staring out over the city. The shadowsinger wondered how she couldn’t feel his eyes boring into her, begging her to turn to him and understand that it wasn’t true. “I know people care about me. I know you and Cass and Nesta and Em care about me, but nobody CARES cares, you know? And I promise I’m not jealous – I wish them every happiness in the world, and I would never expect them to sacrifice that for me.
“And I’m not sitting here sad because I’m not in a romantic relationship. Most of the time I’m more than content on a day like this to train or read or spend time in the library, but sometimes it would be… nice. To have someone to share that time with.” She was rambling, a brief unintentional glimpse into the rush of her brilliant, tireless mind. “And it’s not as if I can really have any expectation that I would have that. I can’t even visit the city, so how could I hope to meet anyone. And even if I did, who would want to be in a relationship with me when I don’t even know if I can handle holding a hand, much less –“
“Gwyn,” Azriel choked out, her face finally snapping to his. He felt his heart crack open, her waterfalling words betraying insecurities that few people would even believe existed. But how could she possibly think that? She was sunshine and happiness and love and strength and beauty, and any male would be a fucking fool to turn their back on that simply because she still had healing to do. He bristled at the mere notion that any other male would even have the opportunity. His throat bobbed as he realized, lost in her teal gaze, that he hadn’t said anything else. “I care about you.”
“I know, Az,” she breathed, her lips tilting up in a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Like I said, I know people care about me. I –“
“No, Gwyn. That’s not what I mean,” he murmured, reaching a scarred hand to cover hers, curling his fingers to grasp it gently. He swallowed the lump of anxiety in his throat. “I… I CARE care, as you put it.” She looked stunned, and Azriel offered a gentle quirk of his lips as roses bloomed atop the constellations of freckles that dotted her cheeks. He let his thumb slide over her fingers, waiting for her to form a response. There was once again silence between them, but it didn’t feel heavy or uncomfortable. And when the corners of her eyes crinkled with the growing grin upon her lips he felt his own cheeks heat with hope and a child-like shyness.
“You do?” she whispered. The shadowsinger dipped his chin, deftly turning her hand over so he could lace his fingers between hers.
“Now come on. I don’t like you hanging over the edge of the balcony.” He gave her arm a tug, and she turned and lifted her legs over the railing.
“You worry too much, Shadowsinger,” she laughed. Azriel’s shadows flitted back to life at the joyous sound, and his smile brightened. He led her back toward the house, hands still twined together.
“I worry the appropriate amount,” he scolded. After a couple more steps he felt a pull on his arm, and he turned to find the lovely Valkyrie wearing an affectionate expression. The shadowsinger’s head tilted in silent question, the answer a comforting warmth as Gwyn pressed herself against him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He tensed at the unexpected embrace, wings tucking impossibly close to him even as the dark tendrils of darkness seemed to celebrate in twirls and twists. But just as quickly as he had gone rigid with surprise he relaxed, clasping his hands at the small of her back and leaning a cheek on her silken copper tresses. “Gwyn?” he whispered, feeling her embrace tighten in response.
“I… I care care about you, too. In case you were wondering.”
Azriel chuckled, allowing his hands to splay over her back. Having her in his arms was like a dream, something that he had never quite allowed his heart to hope for. With one more quick squeeze he released her. “Alright, no more lonely day off. We can spend some time in the library and then have dinner?” Gwyn’s smile outshone the sun at the suggestion, and she hooked an arm around his to pull him inside.
“It’s a date, then,” she giggled, her gaze full of hope and happiness. And Azriel knew that, from this moment forward, those ocean eyes were home.