Archive of Our Own

Ashe drops down on the deck of the fishing pond, hissing when the cold water touches his bare feet, then sighs as the ache of travelling for most of the day begins to ebb away.

He hasn't stopped training for a single day since the fall of Garreg Mach, but fighting bandits after a long day on the road wasn't what he expected would happen when he arrived at the monastery. Not that he knew what to expect, in the first place; with Fódlan thrown into chaos, he wasn't even sure that his classmates would be returning here, or if he would even see those who hadn't left the area at all.

Curling his toes, Ashe kicks his feet out and watches the ripples on the surface. He's exhausted from the trip, from the skirmish, from cleaning up whatever they could of the common areas and the dorms. Even after a thorough sweeping, his room still has so much dust in it that he's going to camp out with the others and let it air out during the night. 

"You're going to catch a cold like this." Yuri's steps fall down harder on the wood of the deck as he approaches, but Ashe heard him coming even before that; a thief recognizes another, and he'd been aware someone was nearby the whole time.

Yuri sits beside him, keeping his boot-clad feet out of reach of the water, leaning back on his palms and tilting his head up to look at the sky. It's effortless the way he steals Ashe's breath so quickly, but he manages to keep his voice steady when he replies, "just easing the ache in my feet a bit."

Wind rushes between them, carrying with it sounds of night critters. In the silence that settles, Ashe continues to watch the water lest he's caught staring at Yuri, but sometimes finds himself watching the rhythmic motions of Yuri's feet, dangling back and forth and just barely missing the pond.

The comfortable quiet stretches on, past the point where Ashe loses track of the minutes that went by. He pulls his feet out of the water and wiggles his toes before bending his knees and settling his feet on the edge of the pier. They're numb to the pain, but not enough for it to be worrying; he just needs to let them dry for a while before putting on his socks and boots again.

"Ashe." When Yuri looks at him, skin a pale silver under the moonlight and face thoughtful, Ashe's heart kicks out hard in his chest. "I've been thinking a lot lately."

He remains quiet, and watches as Yuri dips his gaze to the grains of wood beneath them. It's uncharacteristic to see him hesitate so much when it comes to expressing his thoughts and views; Yuri has always been blunt, unafraid to get his point across. It must be important if he's being so careful with his words.

"Before, even though the life I lead was dangerous, it still was stable to some extent. There was a general sense of order in Fódlan, and thus some things were easier to predict." His nail, unpainted but still well manicured, picks at the grains, almost absentminded. "But now this war has made me realize that, more than ever, each day counts. And that I should show more appreciation before my fears become real."

That takes Ashe by surprise. Yuri isn't the kind to express his fears openly. He's a leader, a role model; showing hesitation or apprehension would make his followers lose their respect and trust in him. And he chose Ashe to speak about these things he keeps quiet and hidden away from most people, perhaps even the Ashen Wolves.

He angles his body towards Yuri, but keeps the distance between them. It's clear he's struggling to get the words out, so Ashe doesn't want to ruin it by touching him and risking Yuri seeing it as pity, even if Ashe really wants to hold his hand right now. "What are you afraid of?"

"Losing those who are most important to me." Yuri's gaze flicks up then, and Ashe's breath catches in his throat at the intensity in his eyes. The night is so bright and clear he can catch every nuance in his expression. "The point I'm trying to make is, you could've died at any moment. You'd be gone and I'd regret never telling the only person who ever gave a damn about me when I was still in Rowe how I felt about them."

Yuri exhales, breath rattling his lungs, and glances up again. "You're very important to me, Ashe. I'm glad you're here, and that you're safe."

His heart beats a little harder in his ribcage, blood rushing to his ears. Ashe finds his tongue and untangles it enough to say, "you're very important to me too, Yuri."

“I'm sorry I never told you that sooner. I'm not very good at this whole-” he makes a vague gesture around them “-thing.”

"There's no need to apologize, Yuri." Ashe offers a smile, small but genuine. "And you're doing just fine."

He tilts his head to smirk at Ashe, hair slipping from his shoulder and showing the bare column of his neck. That's more like the Yuri he is familiar with, though he doesn't mind this strangely open and honest version of him as well. "You're too nice and forgiving for your own good."

"The world could use some kindness, especially now," is what he says in return, own smile morphing into a grin when Yuri scoffs. 

"Of course you'd say something like that…" Yuri trails off, looking down at the deck again. The wind ruffles his hair and plays with his lashes; when did they get close enough that Ashe could notice that? "I like you, Ashe."

The admission falls over Ashe like sunlight, embedding itself in his pores and warming him up from the inside out. It isn't the first time someone close to Ashe has said that to him, but it's the first time Yuri says these words aloud. He wishes he could record them somehow, and wishes that they could match the intensity of his own feelings.

Like doesn't even begin to encompass all that he feels for Yuri, but it's a good start. It's as close as Ashe will come to confession. "I like you too, Yuri. Since day one when you found me roaming around the hallways of Castle Rowe lost and scared."

"Since way back then, huh." Yuri reaches up to pull on a lock of hair from Ashe's fringe, a gesture he used to do way back when they were younger, usually when Ashe was frightened by things such as his own shadow in dimly lit rooms. "You always did get lost when it was a bit darker than usual. At some point I started to think that I couldn't let you out of my sight or else you'd wander off on your own and get lost for real."

"You don't need to do that." His skin prickles when Yuri's fingertips brush against it light as a feather. "You won't lose me; not because of scary shadows on the wall or anything else."

"Well, that's a relief." Yuri brushes his thumb on the curve of Ashe's jawline, smiling. "Come here."

Ashe's heart shudders, but he goes without hesitation, resting his chin on Yuri's shoulder and lacing his arms around his trim waist. Yuri isn't openly affectionate very often, not with words or gestures or any other language of love - can't let his enemies find his weaknesses, he says - but he does have his moments, and Ashe always soaks them up when they happen.

"Oh," Yuri murmurs softly, his breath fanning Ashe's ear. "Oh, okay."

His arms wind around him, too, warm despite the chill of the night, and tight around his shoulders. Ashe breathes in the smell of smoke and spices that cling to Yuri's outfit, breathes them out in a sigh when Yuri's palm rubs up and down his back.

He's lost track of time when Yuri slowly pulls back and says, "do you want to stay with me tonight?"

"Hmm?" He'd been so warm, so comforting, and Ashe is so tired; he could've fallen asleep then and there in his arms. Tempting, but also embarrassing.

"Well, it has been five years since I last saw you, and we kind of just- you know. Sleeping together is something that we can do now." Yuri pauses, watching him. "Is this fine? Am I going too fast?"

Personally, Ashe can't wait to get into bed and sleep, so if Yuri's coming along after he nearly lulled Ashe to sleep with his breathing alone, he's definitely not complaining. "No, no, it's just fine. I- I really missed you, so I don't mind spending more time with you at all!"

"That's great to hear, because you won't be getting rid of me so easily." Smirking, Yuri stands to his feet and offers Ashe his hands to pull him up. "Abyss or your tent?"

"My tent is closer. I'm too tired to go to Abyss, sorry."

"It's fine. There's always next time." Yuri's hand bumps against his, fingers tentatively tracing the gaps between Ashe's. They haven't held hands since before he broke ties with Rowe, before he'd left for a period of time "to be educated" and Ashe never saw him again.

The last time had been when they were too young to remember the reason; Ashe's fear of ghosts, most likely.

Here, in the protection of the darkness of the night, Ashe weaves his fingers through Yuri's and pulls him along towards the small camp they set in the courtyard. Their classmates are all sleeping by now, though they notice that the professor is absent, the flap of their tent swaying in the wind.

Ashe's tent is too small for the both of them. He should have thought about that sooner, but Yuri doesn't seem to have any qualms about the cramped space when he lies pressed to Ashe's side, so close that his head rests on Ashe's shoulder. This close, he can certainly hear the pounding of his heart; Ashe can only hope it won't give him away.

There's so much to do in Garreg Mach that Ashe hardly stays put. Training and war councils aside, he helps in the kitchens and in the greenhouse, offers to take skywatch with Ingrid and other knights, helps lift rubble from the monastery grounds, and occasionally runs errands for the professor, mostly those that require haggling.

It's been a few weeks since they returned, and they're all busy planning their next step. With Dimitri as he is and the threat of the Empire looming close, they've got their hands full.

Ashe looks at the prince stalking the corners of the cathedral. Dimitri had never been openly religious five years ago, and they have the feeling that it isn't the presence of the Goddess that he seeks here. Whatever it is, it seems to bring him more pain than relief, if the way he snaps at nothing in particular is indication enough. The professor tries, but even they can't seem to calm him down.

Whenever they're cleaning up the rubble in the cathedral, they make sure to stay on the opposite side to Dimitri's; he will keep to himself if unprovoked. 

A familiar gait enters the cathedral, striding down the aisle between pews. Ashe sets aside the large piece of the ceiling that he was moving, and turns to meet Yuri as he approaches.

They've been spending a lot of time together - really, whole lot. Trips to the market aside, Ashe sometimes finds himself in the kitchens with Yuri, sometimes even in the greenhouse or the fishing pond, and sometimes Yuri will ask to train with him, and every night they continue to sleep together. Ashe doesn't mind - he did miss Yuri a lot these last five years and the feeling of losing him is something Ashe can relate to - but he does fear that his heart will fail him from how rapidly it beats in his presence.

"You've been working a lot," Yuri says, lifting a bundle of cloth and dangling it from his fingers. "You deserve a break and a snack."

Ashe can't disagree with him and follows Yuri to the outside of the cathedral, near the Goddess Tower where it is quieter and less populated. They sit on the floor, backs to the stone parapets, and Yuri unveils the treats he brought along.

"We don't have all the proper ingredients yet, but Mercedes managed to make some sweet buns. I suspect she used Constance's magic to make them sweet." Yuri holds them out for Ashe to take and smirks playfully. "I saw other people eating and none of them died, so they're safe for consumption."

"That's a relief." Ashe laughs, taking one of the buns and biting into it - a bit overly sweet, but delicious all the same. He thanks Yuri for bringing him some of the treats, and they share them in companionable silence, watching the people moving inside the cathedral.

Yuri's been doing this a lot lately, too; bringing Ashe food and water, taking some time off from his own chores to spend it with Ashe before he goes back to his own schedule. It's sweet, in a way. Ashe doesn't remember when he last spent so much time with someone like this, much less Yuri, who'd always been too busy dealing with Abyss to spend more than half an hour a day with Ashe after classes.

He finishes the sweet bun, using the cloth that had been wrapped around it to clean his fingers. Yuri does the same, finished with his own treat as well, and turns his torso to look at Ashe, one of his palms falling on his thigh. The muscles of Ashe's leg jump under the touch, but he keeps still even as Yuri leans closer.

A thumb brushes against the corner of Ashe's mouth, gentle and warm like the sunlight spilling over them. It rubs on his lips, soft and slackened from his surprise, and pulls back covered in some of the sweet glaze Mercedes spread on top. Yuri places the fingertip in his mouth and sucks the digit clean - and sucks the soul right out of Ashe's body just like that.

"Delicious, right?" He asks, face much closer than should be safe for Ashe's heart.

Ashe manages a nod, dazed as he watches Yuri's lips curl in a satisfied, smug smirk. He's always been a flirt, saying whatever he could to make Ashe blush as red as a tomato, but for some reason he's been doing this much more often lately.

Cheeks burning, Ashe swallows and observes Yuri, who tilts his head even further until his breath fans Ashe's face. This isn't unfamiliar territory either; he's been in this position enough times to know that Yuri always pulls away before they can really touch.

Something about not having enough space to pull away has Ashe feeling different about this whole situation, though.

A bang from inside the cathedral has Yuri pulling away with a long sigh before he stands up to check on what's going on. Faintly, Ashe hopes it doesn't involve Dimitri, but he's busy trying to stop the shaking of his legs to worry about that too much.

It turns out that someone didn't manage to carry a chunk of the ceiling beam on their own. Dimitri's only response was to make a scathing remark, and no one was hurt.

Yuri doesn't mention the almost kiss, and Ashe doesn't ask.

It doesn't take long for them to face off against the Imperial army. The (not so) funny part is that it is much like what happened the first time five years ago, when they fought to protect Garreg Mach.

Ashe must have been out of his mind when he joined Rowe's forces and fought on their side.

They aren't given much time to prepare. The professor hatches a plan on the spot, and puts Seteth and Gilbert in charge of preparations while they go off to try and convince Dimitri to help them. Turns out they don't have to grovel; Dimitri is out of the cathedral as soon as Byleth brings up who's attacking them.

Soon, they're all split in groups. Accompanied by several others, Ashe's objective is to reach and take over the ballista controlled by the enemy, and use it to cover for the other half of their offensive forces while they march towards the enemy commander. In its essence, the goal is simple, but Ashe knows pulling it off will be anything but.

Yuri is placed in the other group, where his speed and strength are better suited against the imperial general. Ashe doesn't get to see him before he's swept along to the group of wyvern riders preparing for the battle.

Seteth personally coordinates their advance to the ballista, leaving Catherine and Shamir in charge of the troops selected to be the last line of defense. Mercedes and Hapi cover for them from the ground, aiding them in reaching their target destination faster.

As the best archer of the Blue Lions,  Ashe handles the ballista for most of the battle, only returning to the fray once the bulk of their flying enemies is down. He doesn't take part in the actual fight against the enemy commander, but he does pick up stragglers that get too close to the monastery and snipes down a few that change course and head back to aid their leader.

The flawless leadership of their professor grants them another victory. Randolph, the imperial general, is taken to the dungeon by the professor themself, Dimitri stalking close to their heels.

Despite the suddenness of the attack, losses are minimal on their side and most injuries aren't life threatening. Mages wander through the troops to heal the injured, mending skin and bones together while another portion of their army takes it upon themselves to take the animals back inside and bring out the carts to clean up the aftermath of the battle. 

Ashe is returning to the gates of Garreg Mach when he sees Yuri for the first time since they parted ways that morning. A knot in his chest unravels, relieved that Yuri is still standing. The frown on his face might be interpreted as stress from the battle by those who aren't close to him, but Ashe can read the worried lines in his expression very well. It's amazing how he can walk around while clearly looking for something and appear to be taking a mindless stroll. Or maybe it's just clear to Ashe.

Yuri spots him and halts, then quickly closes the distance between them in swift strides. "Are you okay?"

Ashe nods, splaying his arms out so Yuri can see all of him. "Yes. And you?"

The creases on his face smooth out, shoulders deflating as the tension leaves his body. Ashe takes notice of Yuri's hands, twitching and flexing like he's restraining himself. "I'm fine."

The words are barely out of his mouth when Yuri reaches over to hold his own ribs, the pinch returning to the space between his eyebrows, only now it's a frown of pain. Ashe grasps his shoulders to keep Yuri from teetering sideways too much, unable to stop himself.

"I'm fine," he repeats, voice tense from the ache but still controlled. "Got a nasty hit earlier. Patched myself up but there wasn't much time to do it thoroughly."

"You need to see a healer." Ashe looks around them, trying to find any familiar face that can help them.

"It's not bad, it's just bruised now." He cracks a smile, straightening up but not shrugging Ashe's hands off. "Really. I can't show weakness, sparrow. What will people think of me?"

"Well, you just let me know you are in pain," Ashe points out, and lets his hands fall from Yuri's shoulders to keep the illusion that his ribs are not possibly cracked.

Yuri's smile loses its teasing edge. "You're different." 

Heat creeps up Ashe's neck. He smiles, heart as wobbly in his ribcage like his knees are. "Come on, there's some salve in my room that will help with the bruising. We can come back after we get it treated."

Yuri quirks an eyebrow, but doesn't comment on what he's found so amusing. "Alright."

Ashe looks down at the empty teacup set in front of him. The sky is so bright and blue that he could be fooled into thinking they're not at war. "Doesn't this make you feel… bad?"

The professor issued an order (or so they phrased it like this) that everyone should take some time to themselves to try and relax or get plenty of rest. We're in a war, they'd said, but we won't get far if we run ourselves haggard to the point of exhaustion.

For people like Felix, the time will be used for extra training. For people like Annette and Constance, it will be used for reading and perfecting their magical research. For people like Manuela and Balthus, they won't be berated by others by getting drunk during "working hours".

Ashe had considered what to do when the announcement was made; he could go fishing, or spend time in the greenhouse, things that he does on a nearly daily basis. Or he could venture into the library again, find himself a book to read and get lost in a fictional story for the first time in so long.

In the end, he accepts Yuri's invitation to have tea together in the gazebo.

"Oh, it does make me feel like a selfish bastard." Yuri fills Ashe's cup with the beverage he prepared. It's creamier than tea, but just as fragrant. "But you can hardly blame me for wanting to spend time with you, hmm?"

Cheeks flushing, Ashe grins at Yuri, cupping both hands around the cup. "You’re right. I'm glad you invited me. We haven't done anything like this in a very long time."

"I was thinking we could do this more often, spend our free time together," Yuri muses as he pours himself some of the caramel colored drink. "Sounds good, don't you think?"

"Sounds perfect!" Ashe lifts the cup to his nose, taking in the smell. Earthy, and kind of spicy; is it a hint of cinnamon that he's catching? "What is this, after all?"

"It's a drink made from Dagdan beans. It’s called coffee," Yuri explains, keeping his cup on the table in favor of resting his chin on his hand to watch Ashe. "Constance introduced it to us a long time ago. It's bitter as hell on its own, but I took some liberties with it to make it better. Try it for me?"

Ashe doesn't really like bitter food (or drinks or anything really), but he can't just say no to Yuri when he's looking at him so expectantly. Or as openly expectant as Yuri will ever allow himself to look.

He blows it to cool it down, then takes a careful sip to test the heat before properly drinking it. Ashe lets it rest on his tongue to catch all the notes and flavors - yup, there's cinnamon here, and milk too, and a little something to make it sweeter. It doesn't taste bitter like this, though the flavor in itself is unique.

"It's delicious," he says, looking down at the drink. "What's in here?"

"Milk, coffee, cinnamon, some honey. I didn't want to use the vanilla beans in the kitchen pantry in case they're needed for something, but I want to add it to the mix in the future. Or maybe some other spices?" Finally, Yuri picks his cup up and drinks from it. 

"Some cardamon would work well with this, I think." Ashe laughs, and reaches for one of the simple cookies enhanced with Constance's sweet magic that Yuri brought to their table for their tea time. "Thank you for sharing it with me."

Yuri's lips quirk up in a lopsided smile, and Ashe's heart gallops off into the proverbial sunset. "Of course. I made it thinking of you, after all."

The blush creeps up to Ashe's ears, which makes Yuri chuckle in delight. It's been a long time since someone cooked something especially for him; his mother used to do that a lot when she was still alive, when Ashe would get hurt from playing on the streets or trying to help at the restaurant. The last person might have been Mercedes, who baked him a whole berry pie to cheer him up after the clash with Lonato's forces a little over five years ago.

Yuri's cooked for him before, sure, but he never said he was thinking of him as he did it. Ashe looks up to knights and their heroic deeds, but when it comes to affection, he really appreciates small gestures like this. It's just a drink, yet he's all fuzzy inside, body tingling with all that he feels for Yuri as though this is some grand love confession.

It's just a shame that it isn't a confession at all.

Ashe ducks his head, lips brushing the rim of the cup when he mumbles, "please, don't say things like that."

"What, you want me to lie and say I didn't think of you? I thought you liked honesty, sparrow." Yuri clicks his tongue and lifts the teapot. "More of whatever this is?"

"Yes, please." Ashe brings the cup closer for a refill, worries his bottom lip between his teeth before saying, "thank you for thinking of me."

Yuri graces him with one of his softest smiles yet, gently setting the teapot down and leaning across the table to whisper, "I always do."

When the bells chime and mark six in the evening, the dining hall steadily fills up with other soldiers for dinner. They line up orderly near the long table where pots and plates are placed, eager for a good meal before retiring for the night.

Ashe has been here for the past hour with some of his friends, simply spending some time together before they march off to Ailell. All of this seems awfully mundane and misplaced amidst a war, but they appreciate the opportunities to meet up for a chat; you never know when the last time you get to talk to your friends will be.

They haven't brought any sweets to accompany the tea Mercedes prepared, but the mellow, fruity infusion is enough accompaniment for their conversation. They share stories and laughs from moments past, recalling fond memories from their childhoods or their shared time in the Academy.

"Remember that time when you were studying battle tactics in the library, and the professor had to come check on you because you swore you heard a ghost?" Sylvain smothers his laughter in his palm, but doesn't bother to stop the shaking of his shoulders. "That was so funny!"

"Uh, yeah, of course we remember!" Annette shares a fleeting look with Ashe. "You were the one making the ghost noises!"

Sylvain sputters, then tosses his head back to cackle loudly, hands gripping the edge of the table. Annette glares at him, but her lips are twitching so she isn't truly mad. Even Ashe can look back at it and laugh, though he still feels embarrassment for having attracted so much attention that evening. Word of it even got to Abyss.

"Remember how Seteth showed up with his shirt inside out?" Folding his arms on the table, Sylvain hides his face in them to muffle his laughter, and Mercedes gently pats his back. "His hair was sticking up everywhere!"

"Yeah, that was pretty funny." Annette giggles, cheeks flushed from the same embarrassment Ashe feels. "He wasn't very happy with you, though."

"Worth it, even if I was put on stable duty for three weeks." After regaining his breath, Sylvain sits up on the bench; the blush on his face is for merrier reasons. "You both should be a little more like Mercedes here. Nothing can scare her."

Mercedes smiles serenely, tucking some of her short hair behind an ear. "If you want, I can tell you some ghost stories to build up your courage."

Annette makes an unintelligible noise. "I think I'll pass, Mercie. You're doing a great job with Alois, though!"

"Oh right, Alois is afraid of ghosts, too." Ashe had forgotten that little detail; recalling it eases the sudden knot of doubt and anxiety in his chest that makes him think his dream is not achievable.

It brings forth memories he hasn't recalled in a long, long time. Christophe would tease him about it sometimes, but still reassured Ashe that he could become the knight he wanted even with his fear of ghosts. Knighthood is much more than just bravery, unlike what Ashe had been taught early on, but Christophe always made sure to remind him of it.

To honor Lonato, and to prove that Christophe had been right, Ashe will do what it takes to become a knight - even if it will take more hard work to compensate his fear for the supernatural, or to finally overcome it.

Sylvain snickers and leans his weight on his folded arms. "Just keep your eyes open for the ghosts that live in Ailell."

Ashe's heart stutters in his chest. Ghosts? In Ailell? There can't be any ghosts there, that place is in flames! 

"You're kidding," Annette says, but her voice lacks conviction. "Mercie, he's kidding, right? Tell me he’s kidding!"

Mercedes continues to smile without a care in the world, and delicately sips her tea, not inclined to answer her best friend right away. Every second of prolonged silence only makes Ashe more nervous, even though he's pretty sure that Sylvain is just messing with them.

"There are no ghosts in Ailell," another voice adds, and a hand drops down on Ashe's shoulder to give it a comforting squeeze. "Besides, I'll kill anything that threatens Ashe in any sort of way, anyway."

Sylvain whistles slowly, turning his gaze up to Yuri. "Would you even kill a ghost for him?"

"To protect those I love, I'd learn to do the impossible." Ashe's heart skips several beats, and blood rushes to his face when he hears the girls giggling quietly. Yuri sets a plate on the table in front of Ashe, says, "I brought this for you."

With his ears buzzing, Ashe looks down at it, unseeingly. He tries to get a hold of his thoughts before they run off and get lost in another fantasy or daydream where Yuri reciprocates his feelings. 

Yuri loves him like a friend. They've known each other for a long time, but that doesn't make Ashe more special than anyone in his eyes. Yuri would learn to do the impossible for his fellow Wolves, to the people of Abyss - Ashe isn't special. Ashe isn't more than a friend.

The thought stings, but it's sobering. He sees the plate for what it is, tonight's dinner of pasta salad and roasted meat, and frowns. "Yuri, you can't give me this just because you were on kitchen duty. I have to get in line for my share just like everyone else."

"Well, I can give it to you if I'm giving you my share," Yuri reasons, rolling his eyes when Ashe frowns at him instead. "Now I'll get in line for your share and claim it as my own."

"That's not-" but Yuri is walking away already, and Ashe deflates, staring back down at the food in dismay. He knows the professor won't mind the exchange, but some other soldiers might not take kindly to the special treatment.

Ashe looks up at his friends and finds them staring with overly curious glints in their eyes. Well, at least they're not mad.

"You and Yuri have grown very close, haven't you?" Annette asks, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks. "You're inseparable now."

"He brings you food, you sleep together, you have all those dates in the courtyard and in town…" Sylvain lists off, a sly, teasing smile playing on his lips, but it doesn't come close to having the same effect on Ashe as Yuri's.

Wait. Did he say date?

Ashe reels back, shooting a panicked glance at the line and finding Yuri talking to Ingrid. At least he's way out of earshot to have heard any of that.

"I-It's not like that!" Why would they even think they're together? Yuri hasn't done anything mildly romantic; it must be the way Ashe looks at him when he thinks no one is there to see, so smitten he will give himself away if he's not careful.

Sylvain, as expected, doesn't believe him. "Are you sure? It sure as hell looked like something to us, didn't it?" Annette nods, while Mercedes gives him a sympathetic quirk of her lips. 

"Now, now, don't press it, Sylvain." She starts piling up the teacups on a small tray, and Ashe is immensely relieved for her interjection. "I'm sure they have their reasons to keep quiet."

Aaand he spoke too soon. 

"Ooh, I see." Sylvain mimes sewing his mouth shut, whilst Annette feigns locking it and tossing away the key.

Ashe watches them go towards the line, where Yuri is now picking his share, and looks down at his plate. If Yuri catches wind of these rumors, he can only hope it won't ruin their friendship.

Ailell is, quite honestly, worse than Ashe had thought it would be. Faerghans don't do well with the heat, not when the air in the kingdom has a chill to it even in the peak of summer, so coming here of all places is like they're looking for a heatstroke.

Yuri, at least, has been used to warmer temperatures by now, so he deals with the heat much better than Ashe ever could, though he's not immune.

The scorching fire and dry air of Ailell is well behind them now. They've set camp in a plain a safe distance away, where the ground is covered with grass and the orange glow of the flames serves only to keep away the chill of the night. Ashe checks on his battalion, makes sure the injured are tended to and that everyone is patched up before he leaves his group behind in search of Yuri.

He passes by his classmates, all of which have thankfully survived and bear no major wounds or injuries. Annette has managed to force Felix to sit down so the gash on his arm can be mended, and even from a distance Ashe can tell that his grumbles are half hearted at best. He isn't fooling anyone.

Ashe finds Yuri on the edge of the shadows of the camp, sitting separate from the Ashen Wolves, but not too far. Wordlessly, he sits beside Yuri on the grass, stretches his legs out and allows his feet to finally rest. Yuri acknowledges his arrival with a nod of his head, but remains quiet, turning a dagger in his hand and watching the light of the closest campfire catch on it. 

He sits there for a long time, silence stretching on between them while the rest of the army continues to move about, turning words over in his head and trying to find the best way to breach the topic. Yuri appreciates straightforwardness, so there's no use in beating around the bush.

"How are you feeling?" Ashe asks at last, looking at Yuri from the corner of his eyes.

"Just fine, dove. I knew it would come to this, so I've been prepared." The light reflects off the blade, shines into Yuri's eyes and highlights the lavender of his irises. He doesn't flinch. "I'm no stranger to killing people who were allies once."

Ashe looks down at his lap, inches his hand towards Yuri's and bumps their pinkies together. "I'm sorry it's come to this."

Yuri doesn't reply to that right away. He looks around them fleetingly, then down at their hands, and lays his pinkie over Ashe's. "That's just the way things go in a war. I'm glad to have you with me in these moments, though."

"So am I." Ashe smiles, turning his hand to hook their pinkies together, and Yuri smiles in return.

Entwining all their fingers together, holding Yuri's hand properly in public, would be a feeling that few words could describe - but for now, this is enough.

Professor Byleth entrusted them with the task of haggling for supplies in the town at the base of the mountains. They were given a new shopping list today, and Yuri planned for them to leave early in the morning to spend as much time as they could in town before returning.

Ashe doesn't mind the suggestion; taking a break once in a while is welcomed, even if he feels guilty for it. As soldiers - as someone who wants to be a knight - he feels like they shouldn't stop training, moving forward, working towards peace. But the professor's words were true; working to the point of breaking will only benefit those on the other side of this war, so he might as well do a little something for himself in town after the errands are done with. 

Yuri seems to agree, and leads him to the little restaurant Ashe visited a couple of times in the Academy, a hand on the small of his back to guide him through the busy market streets. Ashe likes this restaurant; the food is nothing fancy, but it's well made and delicious, and the ambience is simple and cozy, which doesn't make him feel out of place like some of the upscale places that used to exist before the war.

Its simplicity reminds him of his parents' restaurant, same as the smell of freshly baked bread infused with herbs like rosemary and thyme. The sharp pain he used to feel has lessened, but it strikes him again in times like this, or when he's feeling lonely and overthinking.

"My treat," Yuri says with a wink after they sit down and Ashe tries to get him to agree to split the bill. He will try again when they're done, but so far Yuri doesn't budge.

Food is ordered. Yuri isn't shy about ordering more than the both of them can probably eat, listing off all of Ashe's favorites, most of which are his own as well. They get a pint of ale to share, a little something to enjoy the food with but not enough to get either of them tipsy. Ashe takes the first tentative sip before passing the pint over, resting his hands on the table and looking around the modest interior of the restaurant.

"This is nice." Ashe's feet bumps against Yuri's under the table, too close in the small space. "We don't do many things outside the monastery anymore, do we?"

"No, but we can start now." Yuri taps his finger on the tabletop, gaze fixed on Ashe. "...or we can wait until after the end of the war, if that's what you want."

"I think I'd rather wait, if that's okay." Ashe won't feel comfortable with going out for dinner and lunch while they're at war. He doesn't even have that much money on him to spend on such things, and he won't have Yuri pay every time no matter how much he says that he has a small fortune stashed away.

"Of course," Yuri says, resting a hand on top of Ashe's clasped ones. "Anything you want."

Ashe jolts, less due to the sudden touch and the chosen words, and more due to the temperature of Yuri's hand. "How come your hands are always freezing?" He unlaces his fingers to wrap them around Yuri's hand, rubbing it between his palms to warm it up. "They're as cold as your feet."

Yuri shrugs slightly, keeping his hand relaxed in Ashe's grasp. "Abyss is colder than the world above ground, you know."

"That would make sense if you stayed in Abyss as much as you used to." Despite all the cosmetics Yuri makes use of and how well he keeps his nails, the skin of his hand is still roughened from years of battle and struggle. Ashe's hands aren't much different, though the sources of his own scars aren't as cruel as Yuri's. "You could at least wear socks in bed."

"Who wears socks in bed, sparrow?" Yuri counters, giving Ashe his other hand for warming up too.

"I do." Ashe would respect his sleeping habits if Yuri didn't often shove his cold feet on Ashe's calves, and sometimes even his back, during the night.

Yuri hums, tapping the tip of his boot on the side of Ashe's foot. "I can do that, for a price." He taps at his smirking lips with a finger.

Ashe flushes from his toes to the top of his head, warmth sweeping over him like a wave. "I- is… is that what you want?"

"Only if you're comfortable with it." The teasing edge of his smirk eases into a soft, private smile, and Yuri brushes his fingers delicately over Ashe's knuckles.

He swallows, heart thumping loud in his chest and echoing in his ears. Kissing Yuri is something he has dreamt about for a very long time now, perhaps since he was old enough to desire such a thing, even when Yuri had been away and Ashe nurtured that crush in his absence.

The price for Yuri to finally wear socks in bed and stop shocking Ashe awake in the middle of the night is a kiss. It doesn't sound like much, especially when he takes into account that they have been sharing the same bed ever since Ashe returned for the millennium festival. Ashe still doesn't know why Yuri stays, but he's not going to complain; once Yuri finds someone suitable for himself, Ashe won't get to spend so much of his time with him anymore.

Which is why he's inclined to accept Yuri's proposal. Ashe might never get the chance to kiss Yuri as his lover, so why not just take it when it's offered and finally find out how those lips feel against his own?

"Sure," he croaks, then quickly clears his throat. Yuri's eyes light up in delight, shining like gemstones. "Yeah, okay. Just- not here?" He doesn't want his first, and potentially only, kiss with Yuri to be in a restaurant over plates and bowls of food. He wants to be closer so he can feel as much of him as possible before it's over.

"Wherever you want," Yuri says, and something about his posture is looser. More relaxed. Huh, it must be the ale.

They make small talk as they eat, mindless chatter and nothing related to the war or their strategies. Their feet bump together a lot, and at some point the tip of Yuri's boot runs along Ashe's calf, tracing a long line up to his knee. Ashe can't excuse that as an accident, but he also doesn't think Yuri did it seriously, knowing of it’s meaning.

Yuri pays, just like he said he would. To make up for it, Ashe offers to buy some of the sugar candies the merchants are offering, leaving a sizable dent in his coin bag despite the small amount purchased. It's worth it for the way that Yuri hums when he pops one of the golden treats into his mouth, rolling it around on his tongue and tasting its sweetness.

They don't speak much, at first, treading the path that leads up to Garreg Mach. Sunlight dances through the canopy of the trees, catching in Ashe's eyes and making him shield his face from the afternoon sun as he watches Yuri savoring the candy, letting it melt on his tongue. He smiles at every tiny flick of glee on Yuri's face, his body language and expressions fully unguarded for the first time in so long. 

He won't mind going with less money for himself each month if he gets Yuri to smile like this more often.

"These are divine," Yuri says once he's finished with one of the candies. "I want to eat them all now, but I think I'll save them for later."

"If you're sure." Ashe, who'd been holding the candies nicely wrapped in parchment paper until now, slips the little parcel among the few items he bought for himself during this shopping trip, mainly spices and new flower seeds. 

"It was very nice of you to get me dessert." Yuri steps closer, brushes their shoulders together. "You didn't have any, did you?"

"I bought them for you, so." Ashe shrugs slightly, casting a smile his way.

"No, that won't do. I insist you have some." Yuri stops them under the shade of a large tree, fingers grazing his waist and face much closer than it had been before. Ashe's heart jumps and flips, the touch barely noticeable through the layers of his clothes but still hyper aware of it. "May I?"

Oh. Oh right, the kiss. Ashe swallows, tries to will his heart into calming down. It's just a kiss. He's done this before. Just a kiss to get Yuri to finally wear socks during these seemingly endless sleepovers of theirs.

...It's not just a kiss.

Ashe meets Yuri's gaze, intense, wanting and eager, but still promising to step back if Ashe says so. 

He doesn't want that. He wants Yuri closer, as close as he can get. 

Breathing out, Ashe says, "yes."

Yuri's demeanor relaxes, and he doesn't waste time to step closer and press their mouths together, face angled to keep their noses from bumping. Yuri's lips are slightly sticky from the candies, the inside of his mouth is sweet and addicting. Ashe chases after his tongue, hand finding Yuri's waist when his fingers grasp Ashe's biceps. 

Wind dances between them, plays with Yuri's hair and makes the longer strands tickle Ashe's cheeks. The sun shining through the canopy hits Ashe's closed eyelids, and he parts them open to see Yuri's eyes closed in bliss. 

Yuri closes his teeth around Ashe's bottom lip when he pulls away, tugging on it before opening his eyes halfway to stare at Ashe. He feels the gaze and the touch of Yuri's teeth zap down his spine, spread through his limbs, and curl in the pit of his stomach. Ashe's head swims, that warmth stirring something inside him.

"So? How was it?" Yuri breathes, lips brushing Ashe's mouth and nose skimming his cheek.

Ashe needs to find his tongue and righten his thoughts to reply, but even then all he offers is, "t'was sweet."

Yuri chuckles, the low sound of his mirth making that heat inside Ashe coil tighter. "I'm glad. We can do it more often."

He should say no; this would only hurt more when Yuri inevitably leaves him for someone else, someone better. Ashe should spare his heart, nurse his crush from a safe distance, and prepare himself for the heartbreak that is sure to come.

Ashe swallows and says, "yeah, let's do it."

Yuri kisses him again, every morning and every night, always in the privacy of Ashe's room. Sometimes, he'll steal a kiss when they're alone in some part of the monastery, push Ashe up against the wall and kiss his breath away, only to pull away and walk off with a teasing, self satisfied smirk on his lips, while Ashe struggles to fill his lungs with air and tame his disheveled hair into submission.

He never does anything in front of others, something that doesn't catch Ashe by surprise. Yuri rarely shows affection in public, and he was never once caught frolicking around despite the rumors that followed at his heels; he's not going to start getting caught now - kissing Ashe of all people.

It hurts, but that, too, isn't unexpected. Ashe brought it upon himself, and now he's going to deal with it. So when Yuri rolls on top of him one night, beckons Ashe's legs to fall open and accommodate him between his hips, Ashe meets his tongue with matching fervor, gets lost in the fantasy, in the feel of Yuri's hands on him and the pressure of his body bearing down on Ashe, and lets the sad reality of their arrangement slip out of his mind. 

Even nights later, when Yuri grinds down and bites out a hushed moan, Ashe lets the sound consume and fuel him, chases that sweet friction and the release, coming with Yuri's name on his lips, and Yuri's lips on his neck.

Sylvain sees the bruise for what it is, a hickey, and doesn't let Ashe live it down even long after it's faded.

Come the end of the Lone Moon, they reclaim the Great Bridge of Myrddin from the Empire. From far above, Ashe looks down at the rose-colored river, its crystal waters tinged with blood from the Imperial forces, and tries not to think that Ferdinand's and Lorenz's blood are being taken down the current. It turns his stomach just to think of it.

Ashe only spoke to Ferdinand and Lorenz in passing. They weren't unkind, just difficult to talk to given the perception of themselves they had as nobles. He'd never expected it would end like this.

Ashe breathes in through his mouth; the stench of the blood will wash away with the coming rain, but even as far as he is from the worst of it, it's still permeated the air.

Yuri finds him still watching the waters, long after the bridge was cleaned of the bodies and the sun began to sink in the horizon. They're far away enough from the others that Yuri entwines his pinky finger with Ashe's, and Ashe has to fight back the urge to pull him close and only let go once this nightmare stops. 

From here on out, they will encounter more of their peers and more deaths will ensue. Today they were people Ashe wasn't close to; tomorrow they can be his friends, tomorrow it can be Yuri.

It doesn't escape him that Caspar and Petra are somewhere in the Empire, and that they'll meet at crossroads.

"Come," Yuri murmurs, stepping away but keeping their pinkies linked. It tugs on Ashe's hand just barely, and he blinks rapidly as he breathes out, breaking himself off his trance.

There were losses, but they also gained something back. Dedue returned in the heat of battle, and Ashe's heart soared in relief that his friend was alive. It still beats fast just thinking of it, the weight of the grief clinging to him finally slipping off his shoulders.

Ashe turns away from the the river and allows Yuri to lead him back, keeping their hands joined all throughout.

Dedue slips back into their lives like they weren't separated at all - after a healthy dose of crying and tears and Annette getting a little too tipsy on cheap wine, of course.

He helps in the kitchen, aids in moving around rubble, and tends to the plants in the greenhouse. He returns as Dimitri's ever present, ever watchful shadow, and though no one says it aloud, they hope that Dimitri will return to his old self now that Dedue is here again. Ashe knows better than to pin all his hopes on a single person, or to think that one is capable of fixing another, but he has to admit that he'd like to see the polite, caring prince Dimitri used to be again.

He's just glad Dedue is alive after all, and offers to help him in the greenhouse at the first opportunity he gets. Working with him is always nice - quiet for sure, but it's the comfortable kind. When Ashe speaks, Dedue replies with short answers, direct to the point but never unkind. It's familiar, like the way his siblings try to braid his hair, or the feeling of Mercedes's calming, healing magic.

They've been pressing new seeds of Duscur flowers in the soil for a good hour when Yuri sweeps in as he usually does, another bundle of cloth in his hands, the sweet smell is unmistakable.

"Mercedes is in a good mood today," he says in lieu of a greeting, fitting himself in the space between Dedue and Ashe to set the bundle of baked goods on the stone edge of the flower bed. "She asked me to deliver these for you."

Ashe doesn't miss the way Dedue's lips curve upwards just slightly, or how he eyes the bundle warmly. "Thank you, Yuri. I'll thank her when we're done here."

"Don't mention it, dove. See you tonight?"

"See you tonight," he confirms, and Yuri leans in to press a kiss to his face before standing up and leaving as quickly as he came.

Ashe's skin is on fire, growing hotter under Dedue's mildly curious, but not invasive gaze. Yui has never done that in front of their friends before; why would he start now? 

His old friend moves the bundle to another place where it won't get dirty and says, "you seem to have grown closer."

"Not you too, Dedue." Ashe turns his attention back to the flower bed, desperately looking for weeds that need to be plucked away. "Everyone's been telling me that, but nothing has changed."

"Nothing changed," Dedue echoes. "Surely you must know what it looks like to other people?"

"I know, but we're still just friends." There are no weeds left, so Ashe starts digging through a patch of dirt. "Once this war is over, so will this be."

Dedue is silent for a long time, carefully tipping the watering can over the little saplings down the flower bed. Ashe uncoils his shoulders slowly and focuses on digging small holes for a new batch of seeds, trying to ignore the bitter taste that fills his mouth whenever someone points out the shifts in their relationship. He knows what it looks like to others, and also knows that it's not what they think it is.

"Just don't get yourself hurt," Dedue says, still not looking at him. Ashe only swallows; he knows exactly what's waiting for him at the end of this.

Objectively, Gronder Field hasn't changed at all in the last five years. The grass is still tall, trees are scattered on the south and western sides, and the stream cuts through the southern portion of the field. Exactly how Ashe remembers it 

Yet, he doesn't recognize it. His memories are sunlit ones, marked with the expectation of winning a mock battle and proving their class was the best, embedded with the smiles and cheers that followed their victory.

The mood is very different now, the sky overcast and the wind howling in their ears. There's no Lady Rhea or Seteth to oversee the battle from afar, no coordinated attack led by their professor. There's chaos despite all the strategies formulated, soldiers attacking others blindly to ensure their own survival. 

Yuri's battalion stays close to Ashe's, as it has for a while. Ashe doesn't know what Yuri's offered to (or used against) the professor for this long term arrangement, but where one goes, the other follows. 

This closeness is the reason why Ashe sees the thinly veiled horror on Yuri's face when the platform and ballista at the center of the field are set on fire, along with Bernadetta who had been there covering for the Imperial troops.

It's just the first of many sickening, gut-wrenching things they see. Ignatz and Leonie, both of whom have spent a considerable amount of time in the training hall with Ashe and Bernadetta, fall at the hands of allies and enemies. Petra had been there too, as he came to know later, but Ashe never crossed paths with her; he doesn't know if that was for better or worse.

At the end of the day, when dusk has fallen and they've set camp away from there, it's hard to feel like they've won anything today. Friends were lost, Edelgard escaped, and Lord Rodrigue was killed by a girl Ashe had only seen around the monastery a handful of times. Dimitri is unusually quiet, and Felix is rightfully pricklier than usual.

At the very least, Ashe can find comfort in Yuri's steady breathing and the warmth of his body right beside him, even though neither of them will be getting any sleep tonight.

Lord Rodrigue is temporarily buried in Garreg Mach. Professor Byleth and Gilbert pen a letter to his wife - an official statement of his death, condolences, words honoring his sacrifice and promising to return his body to Fraldarius once the war is over - and begin plotting their next move.

The loss of an old friend seems to have snapped Dimitri out of the state he'd been in. He stays in the cathedral just as often as before, this time asking for atonement instead of lurking the shadows and promising revenge to the dead. Ashe speaks to him on occasion, as do the others, though they've agreed to give him time and space to deal with the grief. Dedue is, as usual, the best company for him. There's a sort of silent understanding there that Ashe thinks he could never achieve with any of them - but, maybe, he can find that with Yuri.

Felix is… well, it's hard to tell what he's feeling. Ashe thinks he might be grieving, even if his way of showing it is far from conventional. He spends longer hours training, barely sleeps and eats, and snaps at anyone and anything that approaches him, more so than usual. Ingrid and Sylvain keep him constant company, but it's Annette the one he tolerates the most. 

Ashe is in the dining hall when Annette leads Felix in by the hand, having finally convinced him to eat something for what is possibly the first time that day. Ingrid trails right behind them and sits beside Felix a few ways down from Ashe while Annette disappears into the kitchen to make him something to eat and hopefully not set anything on fire in her attempt. The air is thick between them, with Ingrid staring down at the table and Felix glowering at something far away; Ashe looks down at the list in his hands before Felix can catch him looking and glare at him instead.

Professor Byleth gave him another list of supplies that need to be purchased before their next battle, and he waits for Yuri so they can go together. Ashe can handle haggling just fine, but when they team up they tend to overwhelm merchants, and thus they give in to their negotiations. Except Anna. She's too sharp to fall for it.

Annette returns from the kitchens with a plate in hands and sets it in front of Felix before sitting on the bench beside him. Felix picks at the arrangement of snacks she brought while Annette carries a conversation with Ingrid.

Yuri enters the dining hall after a few minutes of wait, makeup impeccable and soft strands of hair framing his face. Ashe stands when he comes close, and smiles slightly when Yuri entwines their fingers together and leans his chin on Ashe's shoulder, saying, "ready to go?"

Felix grumbles and drops his fork. "Tch. You two don't even care about this war."

Ashe turns to Felix, who's now openly glaring at them, but it's Yuri who asks, "excuse me?"

"Ever since we came to the monastery, all you've done is fuck around." Annette gasps, and Ingrid admonishes him, but Felix ignores that as usual. "If you're not going to take this war seriously, then you might as well just leave to fuck like the mad rabbits you are somewhere else."

Ashe distantly registers the horror in Ingrid's voice when she calls Felix's name and tries to say, "what are you talking about? We're not-"  

Felix rolls his eyes. "Please, you're all over each other all the damn time. In the monastery, in the battlefield - did you come here to fight a war or to find a fuck buddy?"

"That's enough!" Ingrid latches onto Felix's wrist, which gets him to shut his mouth with a click. His glower doesn't lessen, and Ashe feels a knot forming in his throat.

Beside him, Yuri evenly asks, "are you done?" though his voice still sounds stilted to Ashe's ears.

"I'm so, so sorry. He didn't mean any of it." Ingrid seems desperate, trying to ease the burn of Felix's words - cleaning up after her childhood friends once more.

"It's fine," Ashe says faintly, head spinning.

"Don't apologize for him, Ingrid," Yuri says, angling his body towards the nearest exit and pulling him along. "We have to go."

Ashe trips his way out of the dining hall, following after Yuri towards the market. He should postpone this; he's in no condition to be haggling when all that's in his mind are the things Felix said. Where did he even get that from? They're not even lovers, though they certainly do things lovers do.

Yuri's silence isn't foreign, but the stiffness in his shoulders certainly is. Ashe needs to say something, but all of his focus is on climbing down and then up the stairs without his feet catching on the edge of the steps. Yuri takes them up a set of stairs that's usually blocked off, away from the eyes and ears of others, and fits them in the shade cast by the wall of the monastery. 

His exhale is delicate, trembling in the space between them when he leans back against the wall. "Tell me honestly, Ashe. Are you embarrassed of me?"

"No!" He replies immediately, the question shocking an honest reply from him. "No, of course not! Where did you get that from?"

Yuri contemplates his feet for a while, before he looks up at Ashe. There's vulnerability in his eyes, even if it's not openly shown on his face. "You never admit it when people say we're dating. Is the thought of being publicly seen with me so repulsive?"

Something inside Ashe stops. His lungs, his brain, his heart, he can't really tell. What he feels is something heavy and cold settling in the pit of his stomach, a sharp contrast to the building heat that occupies the same space when Yuri kisses him breathless.

He doesn't know what it is that breaks him: the rare, open honesty Yuri is conveying with his eyes alone, or the insinuation that Ashe wouldn't love to be seen with Yuri; to say that yes, they are together, and perhaps talk about starting a family in the future.

But Yuri didn't insinuate it, did he? He affirmed Ashe never admits that they're dating-

Dating.

"At first I thought you were just shy, or that you didn't quite know what to do - which I admit I don't either. I'm not as experienced as I seem. Not when it comes to feelings anyway." Yuri breaks eye contact, shutters his gaze and stares off at nothing in particular. "But then you kept denying it when people brought it up. I didn't mind at first and I hate to say it, but it's getting to me."

The more Yuri speaks, the more Ashe starts recognizing that cold feeling as dread. He's been pining for someonethat has been his since he set foot in Garreg Mach for the Millennium Festival. He'd kept Yuri at arm's length, and then brought him as close as he possibly could, thinking this would be over one day and hurting them both in the process.

He's one big idiot.

"So if you don't really like me or if you want to break this off, I-"

"Yuri, I'm so sorry," Ashe cuts in, grasping at Yuri's arms desperately. "I didn't know."

For a while, Yuri is silent. Ashe can almost see the gears turning in his head, lips working around words that never find their way out, until he eloquently says, "what."

"I didn't know we were dating," Ashe clarifies, as if that's the right thing to say.

He knew it wasn't long before Yuri reared his head back. "What do you mean you didn't know?" Ashe can't tell if he's angry, embarrassed, offended, or a mix of the three. "I confessed to you right after you came back!"

"You said I was important to you!" Ashe raises his hands, helpless. "That can mean anything!" 

"Did you even hear anything that I said? After all that, you still didn't think I meant you're important to me in some other, special way?"

Ashe presses his lips together and looks down at his feet, feeling his cheeks heat up. The situation is embarrassing as it is, but the open incredulity in Yuri's face makes him feel twice as mortified. 

He is smart enough to read between the lines, to catch on things that aren't being said aloud - but this is Yuri. As much as Ashe has known him for a long time, sometimes Yuri still isn't easy to read; sometimes he isn't openly honest with Ashe, and he still isn't the best at communicating. 

Ashe could throw it all back at Yuri, get the blame off of him; Yuri not mentioning he found Ashe’s behavior strange given the way their relationship had shifted in his eyes is proof enough that he’s still hesitant to reach out to Ashe about the things that bother him. 

But Ashe, of course, won’t do such a thing. It’s not who he is, the kind of person to throw another’s shortcomings back at their face so he won’t acknowledge his own mistakes. And this is Yuri, the person Ashe loves the most, the person who doesn’t let others come too close, who takes too long to open up. But still he let Ashe let in, in his own way.

He can only apologize.“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

Yuri’s jaw is clenched, his arms crossed tight over his chest. He searches Ashe’s face and deflates, hands dropping to his sides and shoulders loosening; he looks tired all of sudden, and rubs the space between his eyebrows with his fingers. Ashe knows the look in his eyes, that he’s processed the last months in his head and reached the same conclusion Ashe did.

“No, I’m sorry too. You know I’m not good with feelings. I should’ve been more direct.” Sighing, he leans against the hard stone of the monastery walls. “And I’m sorry that I hurt you too.” 

Ashe manages a smile, the cold dread inside him dissipating. “I thought you were just passing time with me, to be honest.” 

Yuri does look offended right then. “I’d never do such a thing to you.” 

“I know,” Ashe says, and yeah, he knows now. “I didn’t think you’d ever be interested in me that way, so...” 

“Are you kidding? Have you seen yourself? You’re cute and hot and you’re an amazing cook! You’re caring and passionate about the things you love, and you’re so selfless. What’s there not to like?” 

Ashe flushes, dipping his head in embarrassment and rubbing his palm over the nape of his neck. “A-Ah, have you seen yourself? You’re so-”

“Oh no, you’re not throwing my words back at me.” Yuri pushes away from the wall until their chests touch. Ashe’s hand falls away from his neck to rest on Yuri’s waist like it’s always belonged there. Yuri quirks an eyebrow. 

“For all that it’s worth,” Ashe begins quietly, looking into Yuri’s eyes. “I really wanted all of that to be real.” 

“It was real,” Yuri says, hooking his thumbs through the hoops of Ashe’s trousers. “I meant all of that. Did you?”

It’s rare when Yuri shows any kind of vulnerability. Even in the battlefield, when he’s bloodied and hurt, he keeps himself together and his emotions in check to lead his battalion and others to victory and safety. But now, Ashe can catch a hint of it in his voice, in his eyes, in the way his shoulders stiffen just barely.

Ashe lifts his other hand to cup Yuri’s face, smiling wider when he leans into his touch and closes his eyes. He’s very much like a cat. “Of course I did. I love you more than anything.” 

Yuri sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth, and parts his eyelids to look at Ashe. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” Ashe feels utterly besotted, and he knows Yuri can see it too. “More than anything.”

“Again,” Yuri repeats, blinking rapidly as he watches Ashe.

“I love you.” 

“Again.” Yuri moves away from Ashe’s hand, leaning his face up and locking their lips together. Ashe laughs into the kiss, surprised and pleased, weaving his fingers through lavender hair and wishing he wasn’t wearing gloves to feel its softness. “Again.” 

“I love you,” he says against his mouth, letting Yuri swallow the words up like he’s starved. 

Yuri hums and pulls Ashe closer by the hoops, slotting their hips together and kissing him harder, taking everything Ashe has to give and more, and giving back in equal measure. Ashe is just barely aware that Yuri is walking backwards and pulling him along, only realizing that they’ve moved at all when he’s squeezing Yuri between his body and the wall, one hand braced on the stones and the other holding Yuri firmly by the hip. They’re even more hidden like this, pressed together behind one of the pillars and folded into one another. 

The monastery could be attacked now and Ashe wouldn’t notice, the world and his surroundings narrowed down to the man in front of him, to every point of contact of their bodies, to the warm, wet slide of their lips and tongues. There’s only Yuri and only him, the both of them together now, truly and without a doubt. The person he’s wanted the most finally is his to keep. 

When Ashe pulls back, Yuri chases after his mouth again with what may or may not be a whine. Ashe would gladly kiss him here all day if he could - the items in the professor’s list can be acquired later - but just to be sure… 

“We’re dating, right?” 

Yuri pulls away from the kiss and throws his head back to laugh - and promptly smacks it on the wall. Ashe quickly cradles the back of his head and massages it, wincing at the flash of pain in Yuri’s face. Yuri flushes - it was probably his least cool moment that Ashe has witnessed - and buries his face in Ashe’s shoulder. 

“If you want us to,” he says quietly, his embarrassment bleeding into his voice. 

“I do.” Ashe continues to massage his scalp, chin perched on top of his head. “Come on, let’s get you to our room so you can lie down and rest. You’re going to feel that for a while.” 

Yuri manages a weak laugh, winding his arms tighter around Ashe. “Just rest?”

“Just rest,” Ashe confirms and disentangles from him. 

In their room, when Yuri pushes him towards the bed and climbs on top of Ashe, he knows they’ll be doing anything but resting.

“Hey, Felix.” 

It’s dinnertime and the dining hall is already bustling with people. Felix walks past their spot with Sylvain by his side, glances at them from the corner of his eye, and his eyebrow twitches. Sylvain looks around his lifelong friend at them, raises both his eyebrows and whistles. 

Ashe tries not to blush, his fingers grazing Yuri’s side beneath his shirt - Ashe’s shirt, a little too big on him so that the collar is wider than usual and slips down one of his shoulders occasionally. Yuri looks composed as ever, his eyeliner sharp and tinted lip gloss reapplied, hair combed and framing his face softly.

The skin of his neck is marred with bruises, though, left by Ashe’s mouth and trailing a path down to his chest and further down still. Ashe knows his skin mirrors Yuri’s, but unlike him, the shirt Ashe is wearing stays in place and keeps everything out of sight. 

Yuri puts his spoon with peach sorbet in his mouth, and Ashe does little to stop himself from thinking about how those lips were wrapped around something very different just an hour ago. 

“Thank you,” Yuri says, offering Felix a smile before he scoops more of the dessert and brings it up to Ashe’s mouth. Felix scoffs, turning away and continuing down to the line to get his own food, and Sylvain follows along after a short delay.

“You’re terrible.” Ashe opens his mouth and accepts the treat, letting it melt on his tongue.

“But you love me anyway,” Yuri quips, delighted, and kisses Ashe in the middle of the dining hall just because he can.

The bell in the cathedral rings five times, signaling that they’re soon set to depart. Ashe stretches and turns in bed, lays his arm over Yuri’s waist and kisses the spot behind his ear. Yuri twitches and groans, turning in his embrace to hide his face in Ashe’s chest.

“Five more minutes,” he croaks, nuzzling his nose in the hollow of Ashe’s collarbones. 

Ashe presses his lips to messy lavender hair and smiles to himself. Every morning is the same, and he’s starting to think Yuri will never be a morning person. He’d let Yuri sleep for as long as he wanted if he could, but they need to meet with the others at the gates so they can head to Enbarr and finish this for once and for all.

“It’s the final battle,” he tries, fingers dancing over Yuri’s naked back. “And then this will all be over.”  

Yuri sighs and pulls away, forcing his eyes to open. Ashe brushes hair away from his face and tucks it behind his ear, heart fluttering when Yuri’s lips curl in a smile. “And when this is all over, you’ll let me sleep for five more minutes?” 

Ashe nods and leans in to peck Yuri on the mouth. “I’ll even bring you breakfast in bed.” 

Yuri chuckles low in his throat and stretches, the curl of his lips turning devious when he catches Ashe observing him. “I’ll hold you to it.” Ashe rolls his eyes; it’s not like they’ve already discussed their future after this: living in Abyss or Gaspard or both, and the things they could do in their leisure time together, the books Ashe would keep in each place, and so forth.

After kissing him again, Ashe gets out of the bed and offers Yuri his hand, grasping it tightly and pulling him to his feet. One final battle, and then they can truly start living their lives together.