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Lily Evans could not stand James bloody Potter.
He was a prat of first order, an absolute maniac, a fool from the seventh circle of hell. He would just not leave her alone . No matter how many times she humiliated him in the Great Hall, no matter her fervent rejections, he simply persisted. Like she was just one of those challenging bits of magic he had yet to figure out.
At first, it was almost easy to reject him. To curb his advances. It almost became tradition at some point, and it wasn’t a normal week if one James Potter did not make an attempt to confess his undying love for her. What a poor sod; he barely even knew her, what did he know about love?
Lily knew that he didn’t know much about her, and it’s why she was never entirely bothered by his refusal to accept her rejections. He was just a besotted arsehole, and if he wanted to waste his Hogwarts years chasing after the unattainable? Well, that was his business. And until Seventh Year, it really wasn’t any of her business and she could avoid him as much as she wanted. Her girlfriends in her dorm were an excellent buffer against his more audacious ideas.
But then, Seventh Year arrived. And with it… James bloody Potter became Head Boy.
He still looked like a fool trying to woo her. He still made their relationship as acquaintances complicated. But then… When she thought he was doing nearly all of this for attention, she never quite realized Potter was doing this for her attention. Bad or good, it didn’t matter to the idiot. As long as she looked at him whenever he did his supposedly romantic stunts.
Patrolling the halls together became… Well, Lily wasn’t sure she wanted to put a real word to how those felt now. Potter still exalted posh rich boy, he still ran his hand through his hair to make it look like he’s just dismounted his broom. He still smelled like freshly cut grass and the Muggle fags Remus smoked in their dorm. Lily kind of hated knowing exactly how James smelled. Wasn’t that weird, and wasn’t this something stupid girls in love remembered about the object of their affections?
Pah! As though Lily Evans would ever debase herself from fancying someone like Potter. First, she could still not stand him. He was an insufferable idiot — although, she begrudgingly had to admit he was actually rather smart — who thought he was on top of the whole world. The constant act he put on in front of everyone, drinking the attention like a puppy starved for affection.
But then, in the Head Boy and Girl private dorms, she got to meet someone different. His annoying poser act dropped and he was bashful of all things. Bashful, James Potter! If it weren’t for Remus, she’d be sure Potter was putting on yet another act.
They were studying for an upcoming Ancient Runes test when she gathered her courage to ask her friend.
“Remus?”
“Hm?” He continued to write his notes without a glance in her direction.
Good, because she really didn’t want him to see the flush in her cheeks .
“Potter’s been acting weird in the private dorms,” she stated, “Like he suddenly didn’t think he was all that, and like he actually had an ounce of humility.”
Her friend chuckled and shook his head. “Oh Lils, James has always been a bit of a mess. He’s all grand gestures and all that rot, because it’s easier for him.”
She frowned and focused back on her own notes for a while. James Potter, taking the easy way? There was no way in hell that those stupid grand gestures in the Great Hall or the common room were easy by anyone’s definitions. What was Remus on? Bloody hell .
But her curiosity wasn’t sated just yet.
“What do you mean, it’s easier?”
This time, Remus looked up at her, his brow arched so high it hid beneath his soft brown locks. He studied her for a moment before tilting his head, a little smirk playing on his lips. “Lily Evans, you’re smarter than that. Think about it for a moment.”
She huffed in annoyance and shook her head. Of course Remus would protect his best friend’s secrets, what did she think he’d say? They continued to work in silence until it was time to head down to dinner. He gave her another searching look before they left the library, but didn’t try to continue the conversation. Thank Merlin for small mercies .
At dinner that night, Lily tried to observe. It wasn’t easy to tamper down her temper; everytime Potter even so much as breathed too loudly, she wanted to snap at him. In fact, she wanted his attention. Why the fuck did she suddenly want his attention now?! Not a small amount of panic wormed its way into her chest and she quickly hid behind a curtain of red hair. Boyfriends were such a waste of time (she definitely looked at her friend Mary Mcdonald at this) that she’d never felt the need or want to pursue a boy. Sure, she’d been to a few Hogsmeade dates, but they were all one-offs and that one time she thought she fancied Remus before finding out he was as gay as they come. No, Lily did not want to waste her Hogwarts education on chasing boys.
Boys were trouble, and especially in the case of one James Potter, they were complicated .
The weeks flew by and before she knew it, it was Yule break. Her parents were taking a holiday out of the country, and her sister was… Mrs Dursley now, and it was best not to think too much about that. So for the first time, Lily was staying at the castle for the holidays. And to her surprise, so was Potter. It hit her like a ton of bricks; when was the last time he’d done one of his grand gestures or confessed his love for her? Why hadn’t she noticed until now?... Why was she noticing this in the first place and why the hell did it bother her?!
The first day of the break, she broke out of her silent treatment to ask him.
“Any reason you’re staying at Hogwarts for the break? Usually you’re among the first ones ready to leave.”
Potter’s smile was strained and Lily realized she wanted to smooth it. Make it better. James Potter’s smile should be carefree and wide.
“Ah, well, you see Evans…” He trailed off and cleared his throat, looking away from Lily. “My parents passed recently. I don’t quite fancy spending the holidays alone, since Padfoot is visiting at Moony’s this year, and Peter’s got his mum and his girlfriend to look after.”
Lily quickly looked away and tried without much success to school her features. Bloody fucking hell, how did she not know this?! Blushing in shame, she reached over and awkwardly patted his shoulder.
“I’m sorry about your parents, Potter. I had no idea.”
“You never asked,” he said in a soft voice that was so out of character, it shocked Lily to her core. He quickly settled back into his usual cheerful voice. “But thanks, I guess. I’d suggest staying away from me for the next two weeks, Evans!” He laughed and jostled her before going back to breakfast.
Lily was… struck dumb.
All the while, when she’d thought Potter had finally mellowed down, matured a bit… He’d been grieving . It put everything into perspective. It made her heart ache with something she wasn’t sure about. They finished breakfast and went about their day, and this time Lily observed James Potter more carefully.
Every day, her chest ached a little harder. Every meal, she wanted to shake him and beg him to come out of his funk and be himself. Every patrol, she kept waiting for his pranks to spring upon her. She waited and waited and waited until it was New Year’s Eve and then she couldn’t take it anymore.
James Potter had lost a spark and it was the most painful thing to see, and Lily wouldn’t stand aside letting it happen any longer.
“Oi, Potter!”
He jumped up from his seat in the Gryffindor common room, nearly throwing his book across the room. The dark circles under his eyes confirmed Lily’s suspicions; the prat hadn’t been sleeping well. He was surrounded by their textbooks and he’d clearly been revising yet again. Didn’t the man have hobbies?
A pang coursed through Lily’s heart. She sighed silently and beckoned Potter.
“Don’t look so alarmed, Merlin. Just come with me for a minute.”
She didn’t wait for him to acknowledge her, and stepped out of the portrait hole. The second set of footfalls reassured her that he was following though, and that’s all that mattered. Normal James Potter would have been bouncing next to her, asking inane questions like ‘ Where are we going’ or ‘ Is this when you finally see the light, Evans ’ or ‘ I know all the right charms, how about I demonstrate ’. But no. Instead, Potter followed quietly as she led them to the Astronomy tower. If he knew where they were heading, he gave no indications.
Once at the top, she leaned against the stone parapet and looked up at the clear sky. Unlike Muggle places, Hogwarts was free of light pollution and you could always see the stars so long as it wasn’t cloudy. On this cold December night, just shy of turning into January, Lily watched the night sky and reached out to grab Potter’s — James’ hand.
“If I’d known you’d take us on a night escapade, I'd have gotten my cloak,” James joked lightly. It lacked the usual heat though, and instead he tentatively wove their fingers together.
It was so foreign to Lily, this timidity. The constantly self-assured, arrogant James Potter was nowhere to be seen, and she hadn’t seen him in quite some time. Only a facsimile that had a few too many cracks. For the first time in seven years, Lily felt like she was seeing the real James. The same person Sirius, Remus, and Peter got to see. It was refreshing and… a little scary.
“It’s almost midnight, and not cold at all. Don’t be a pansy, James,” she teased. Lily was grateful her voice was steady, because her heart certainly was not .
It took a long minute before he said anything. Then —
“You called me James.” He sounded awed and surprised. Almost as though he could say anything to break this moment.
“So I have. Perhaps you can call me Lily, now. Not that you haven’t before, but I hadn’t really give you permission before. So, well, now you have it,” she finished not-smoothly-at-all. Her nerves were getting the best of her already; where was her damned Gryffindor courage?! Perhaps sleeping away like her common sense .
But she got a laugh out of James. A warm chuckle that sent little shivers down her back and made something in her chest loosen. She tempted a look at him and was rewarded with a five-star Potter smile. The ones that she’d gotten used to, and never realized just how much she’d been missing until they were gone. It was softer now, and made it all the more difficult to look away.
“Is that why you’ve brought me here tonight? To give me permission to call you Lily?” He moved a little closer to her when she shivered.
Before she answered him, Lily cast a Tempus and watched as the seconds trickled by. Just two minutes left.
“Yes and no. I’ve been thinking.”
“Oh?”
“Mhmm.”
“What about, Lily?” His voice had dropped into a whisper, and she just had to look at him again.
Lily didn’t think she’d ever seen someone more beautiful in the moonlight.
“About you. And me,” she whispered back. His brows rose in question, and just as she opened her mouth to continue, the counter had just a few seconds left before midnight. “Us.”
And just like that, her courage came roaring back in full force. Lily pulled on James’ hand, forcing him to lean forward, and she pushed herself to her tippy toes. Their lips brushed together once, twice, thrice. James’ other hand slowly wrapped around her waist, giving her plenty of time to stop him. Not that she planned to. Lily leaned into the taller boy, her own free arm going around his neck to hold him in place.
Lily would never admit this to be her first kiss, but it was. She’d never really seen the appeal, it just looked gross to her and she could not imagine ever wanting someone else’s tongue in her mouth.
But right now, when she felt the tip of his tongue gliding along her lower lip and asking for permission, she understood. Her breath hitched as her lips parted, and without much of her own permission, her fingers dug into James’ hair. For the bird’s nest that it was, it was amazingly soft. James eagerly deepened the kiss, caressing her tongue with his and stealing all of her air. From the heated puffs of air coming from his nose, she felt satisfied that she was stealing all of his air too. She wasn’t about to let him get a leg over her, so Lily slid her own tongue into James’ mouth and swallowed his surprised groan.
Somewhere in a courtyard, some students were launching fireworks and cheering for the new year. On top of the Astronomy tower, Lily was kissing James and wondering to herself why she hadn’t taken this step before today. Thankfully, they had a whole weekend before the other students were due to come back. Lily was quite positive their Head Boy and Girl duties could wait until then. Until they were done snogging the other senseless.
Because James Potter, while he had certainly complicated everything in Lily’s life, he’d certainly brightened it more than she had ever realized. James Potter, idiot extraordinaire, had succeeded in making Lily Evans fall in love with him.