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Kageyama let out a sigh. He was watching a show. Well, he wasn’t really watching it, he just had it on so his parents and sister would leave him alone. Not like they would actually mess with him. But here and there they will go in there and mess with him. He hated it when they went into his room. They just needed to leave him alone. It wasn’t that hard to just stop. They never actually cared for him, so why alway mess with him?
He let out a sigh again and grabbed the tv remote. He turned the tv off and placed the remote next to his bed. He laid down and covered up with his blanket. He wrapped himself up in it, like a little burrito. He’s always done this. He feels so warm when doing it. Since he can never get physical affection, he’ll just wrap himself in a warm blanket.
He closed his eyes and frowned. His teammates were all out tonight. I was their little team bonding things. He never went. No one would want to deal with someone who’s mean to everyone and is blunt. Everyone else gets along perfectly. But Kageyama couldn’t get along with anyone. He would always lash out at them and he felt horrible afterwards. He lashed out once and wouldn’t stop apologizing to Hinata. Hinata said it was fine. So did the rest of the team. But Kageyama didn’t believe them.
He feels like they hate him for lashing out at them over the smallest of things. But he’s always been like this, lashing out, being mean. Well, not always. He was really nice and happy in middle school. His first year there he made friends with Oikawa and Iwaizumi. He was so happy to become friends with them, they were really nice to him and helped him with volleyball. Until he had asked Oikawa to teach him how to serve. He didn’t know what had happened.
But Oikawa had tried to slap him. Luckily, Iwaizumi was there to stop him before he got hit. He still doesn’t know what he had done to Oikawa that night. He just wanted to learn how to serve. That changed him. He felt like he did everything wrong and everyone found him annoying. I mean, why else would Oikawa try and hit him? It’s because he’s annoying, right?
After Oikawa and Iwaizumi left, Kageyama changed. He was more mean, bossy, and blunt. His 2nd favorite person in the world tried hitting him. Of course he would change. He felt like he needed to be better for Oikawa to like him again. But that didn’t work. Kageyama just changed from being a bright, happy person to a sad, emotionless one.
Oh, and did I mention that his grandfather died? None of his teammates knew about any of this. All they know is that Kageyama went to the same school as OIkawa and Iwaizumi. They don't know why Kageyma was mean to everyone now. It also could be that he never got much affection when growing up. He never got love. He doesn’t even know what love feels like. Maybe love is what his teammates show him. They’re all so nice to him, and they give him time to calm down when he needs to. They also stayed with him when he had a small breakdown. They mean so much to him but he can never bring himself to tell him that. He still remembers one time for his birthday they threw him a little party at Sugawaras house. They invited some people from other schools as well. Oh, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi went too. He didn’t really speak to them because he felt like they didn’t want to talk to him. They did get him a present though, a kitten.
He loved cats, but they never liked him. They were always scared of him and he never knew why. Maybe it was because of his face. He’s been told that his face is scary. Yeah, maybe that was it. Oikawa, Iwaizumi, and everyone on his team went over to his house that night. They helped him set up the kitten's bed and the kitty litter box. They taught him how to feed it and how to take care of it. He was so happy. He had finally been able to get a cat. He even cried when Oikawa gave it to him. He didn’t even notice that he was crying.
Oikawa let out a small laugh and wrapped his arms around the younger one. “You’re welcome, love.” He whispered into his ear making Kageyama smile and say thank you a couple times. The little kitten curled up in his arms making him let out a small giggle.
That was one of the best days of his life. He loved that day so much. He would love to have a day like that again, but he probably won’t. He doesn’t plan on staying any longer for his birthday to come again.
He felt something touch his arm and he looked down and saw Patches, his cat. He smiled as the cat climbed on top of him and laid on his chest. He lifted his hand up and started petting it. He then started scratching behind its ear. Patches started purring and cuddled up to Kageyama even more. Kageyama smiled and closed his eyes. He needed to get some sleep. He hasn’t really been sleeping well for the past couple months, but he’s never really shown that he was tired.
“Good night, Patches..” he whispered and he slowly started falling asleep.
The next day was Sunday. Another day at home. He couldn’t wait to get back to school. Yeah, he had bad grades in some classes and some were kinda mean, but he did get away from home. Patches was still sleeping on his chest. He usually slept with Kageyama. He would always be on his chest or next to his legs. Some nights when Kageyama would toss and turn, Patches would go and cuddle up into his chest and that calmed him down.
Kageyama smiled softly and gently petted her head. He reached his hand over to his bedside table and grabbed his phone. He unlocked it and went to his messages. He had some from Oikawa and his team group chat. He ignored Oikawas and clicked on the group chat.
Hinata -
Good morning guys!!
Yamaguchi -
Good morning!!
Oh I was wondering if y'all would like to go out with me today? And you too, Kageyama!!
Kageyama -
Oh
Um
Tsukishima -
Oh the king doesn’t wanna come
You got better things to do, huh?
Kageyama -
No, I don’t
I just didn’t think y’all would want the ‘king’ to hang out with y’all…
Sugawara -
Well of course we want to hang out with you!
We’re your teammates and your friends
Daichi -
Sugas right. We want to hang out with you
But you never go to the team bonding hangouts :/
Kageyama -
Oh, I’m sorry
Asahi -
Hey, no. Don’t apologize, Tobio
You’re okay
Noya -
Hey, I’m actually helping Tanaka and his family move into a new house today, So I can’t come :(
Tanaka -
Yeah, I wish I could hang out with y’all but we’re busy :(
I hope y’all have fun though!
Yamaguchi -
M’kay! Let’s meet at my house!
And be safe!!
Oh and Kageyama, can you bring Patches..?
Kageyama -
Yeah, sure
That day he had a lot of fun. Most of the team went over to Yamaguchi's house and they played some games. They watched some movies and they also baked. Kageyama had learned how to make cookies and cheesecake.
He loves baking now. He asked Yamaguchi if he could come over again and learn how to make other stuff. Of course, Yamaguchi said yes. Kageyama was gonna go over next Saturday, or at least he was gonna try.
Kageyama woke up in the middle of the bathroom. He blinked a couple times, trying to get used to the light surrounding him. He let out a small groan and tipped his head back against the wall. He looked down at his thighs and frowned.
Blood.
So much blood.
He let out another sigh, god he does that often. There was blood around his legs, he couldn't possibly clean it all up, could he? He brought his hand up to his face and rubbed his eyes a couple times. He then finally decided to stand up and start cleaning. He winced as he stood up, he held onto the counter to make sure he didn't fall. His legs shook just a bit. He ignored the pain and started to clean up everything. He still had many cleaning supplies from whenever his cousin, Kiyoomi, came over. He has made sure to clean the house so Kiyoomi would be fine in the house.
-
After he was done cleaning the bathroom and himself, he went into his room and took out his volleyball outfit out of his dresser. He slowly started putting it on. He didn’t like going to school mainly because of the school work but there were some kids that were mean to him. They never said anything to him but he had always heard what they would say to him.
He took a seat on his bed and looked down at his hands.
“Should I?”
He wanted to.
Needed.
He needed to.
He quickly pulled his shorts off and threw them on the other side of the bed. He opened his top drawer and pulled out a black box. He sat back on the floor and looked down at his thighs. There were already marks there from earlier but he had to add more. That itch would never go away, no matter what he had tired out. It was always there. And he always had to add more and more and more. Yeah, it hurt but it was the only thing to escape from the world. That and volleyball. They would always get his mind off of everything else around him.
He opened the box and stared at the objects inside.
His blade.
It had always been next to his bed. Nowhere else.
He lifted it up out of the box and brought it back down to a new spot on his thigh. It could be seen if his volleyball shorts had lifted up, but that was not on his mind at the moment. He slowly pressed the sharp object into his thigh and dragged it across his skin. He watched as the blood started seeping out of the wound.
Blood was pretty.
It was a dark red, and dark red was his favorite color. Most people would have thought blue was his favorite color but blue reminded him too much of his grandpa.
He pulled the blade away from his thigh and looked at the one he had just done. It stung so much, but it was the only way to make everything around him stop. A few tears blurred his vision but he didn’t care, he continued making new marks on his thigh. He couldn’t stop.
He moved onto his wrist soon after. It was a bad idea, he knew that but he couldn’t stop. It was like he didn’t have control over his own body. Doing it on the wrist hurt a bit more than his thigh.
His vision started getting blurry soon after. There was so much blood everywhere. A sob left his mouth as he laid back on his bed and he looked over to his wrist that was dangling off the bed. It was covered in cuts with blood dripping down onto the floor. He kept crying, he couldn’t stop and he didn’t know why. The tears just kept coming as his vision started going dark.
He heard someone talking, he just couldn’t figure out who it was. His eyes fluttered open as he looked up at the person in front of him.
It was Oikawa. With tears running down his face.
“It’s gonna be okay, Tobio..” He whispered as he ran his fingers through the raven's hair. Kageyama softly smiled up at him and nodded while muttering an “okay.”
“You’re gonna be okay, love. Just don’t close your eyes..” Oikawa had said to him but Kageyama was already closing them. He was so tired.
“No no, don’t close your eyes.” He said and gently slapped his cheek but his eyes stayed closed. “Tobio! P-please, open your eyes!”
He couldn’t hear Oikawa anymore. Everything was so dark and everything sounded so far away. Like how stuff sounds when you’re underwater.
He eyes stayed closed. And they never open.