Chapter Text
Back on the surface, when kids believed that their teachers lived in the school buildings, they were wrong. When Brother Seldom’s students thought that now, though, they were absolutely right. Technically, he had a bathysphere home in the Forecastle, but he rarely left the Ballast these days. There was a little dormitory, just a dozen or so rooms, attached to the schoolhouse where he slept. It had been built because in those early days, right after the submersion, there had been quite a few children without guardians, and Seldom had refused to let them all get swept up by the church. Even then, he’d been disillusioned by the church’s practices, and thought it was best for children to get a secular education in addition to whatever religious upbringing they or their families wanted.
The dormitories were usually empty now. Life in Founder’s Wake was getting safer every year, and fewer children were orphaned or abandoned. To Seldom’s irritation, the ones that were usually got taken in by the church. He had long-since sworn off any ties he had to the Benevolent Parish, and his interactions with Guidance had started to become openly hostile lately, so he didn’t feel particularly welcome in that part of the Conservatory.
Sitting alone at his desk in the schoolhouse, the room illuminated by small golden cubes of glowing hard light embedded in the walls, Seldom was working on a script for his weekly tonewheel broadcast tomorrow. It was getting late, but he didn’t want to stop before he had finished his work.
There was a very, very quiet knock at the door. Seldom almost thought for a moment that he had imagined it (who would be knocking at the schoolhouse at this time of night?), but then the knock came again, and Seldom could see someone’s shadow through the window. He put his pen down and cautiously approached the door.
Standing on his doorstep was a young person, fairly tall, with dark skin and the blue-ish glow to their eyes that marked them as a magic user. Seldom didn’t note anything else about them because he was distracted by the symbol emblazoned on the front of the robe they were wearing--a hand, holding a balanced scale. They were from the church.
“I’m sorry, I’m just not interested in being preached to,” he said before the visitor had a chance to open their mouth. Seldom stepped back, preparing to close the door in their face.
“No--no, wait, please,” the visitor stammered. He had the thick accent of someone raised by the church to speak Celestial and only learned Common later in life. “I am not here to preach to you, I need your help, please .”
Feeling a bit guilty that he hadn’t noticed it immediately, Seldom saw that the young man had obviously been crying, and that he looked completely exhausted. “Oh, shit,” he said. “Alright, come in.” He beckoned him inside. In the light, he suddenly realized that the person looked familiar. “Do I know you? What’s your name?”
“I think you may have met me a few times, a long time ago. My name is...is…” He struggled for a moment before finishing, “It is Devotion.”
“Oh, shit !” Seldom exclaimed, doing a double take. No wonder he hadn’t immediately recognized him. The last time he’d seen the church’s little Hand of Devotion had been about fifteen years ago--Devotion had only been a child (a little girl, actually, which was another reason he hadn’t recognized him now). “What on earth are you doing here, Devotion?”
Devotion hesitated, then buried his face in his hands and shook with a sob.
“Oh, dear,” Seldom said more softly. “Come sit down, alright? Here, follow me.” He led Devotion back into the kitchen in the dormitory to sit down at the table. “Are you hungry? Or--um, how about some tea?” He didn’t get an answer (Devotion seemed too busy stifling his sobs to reply) so he just began heating some water. He made two cups of tea, putting one down in front of Devotion and holding onto one. Not wanting to push for an explanation before Devotion was ready to talk, he just sat down across the table and waited.
Eventually, Devotion raised his head and reached for the mug, holding it tightly but not drinking it. “I am sorry,” he whispered. “I am so sorry, I should not have come here.”
“No, you have nothing to apologize for,” Seldom told him quickly. “Why do you think you shouldn’t have come?”
For the first time, Devotion actually looked at him. “I ran away,” he stated. “I did not want to be who they wanted me to be anymore. I kept feeling wrong , with what they told me I was, what they told me to do. And I heard your lectures, because they gave me a tonewheel so I could practice listening to Common, and...you are talking about being something outside of the church, and the more I heard, and the more I saw them do...I did not feel…” He was starting to cry again. “I did not feel right about s-staying, I had to get out. I had to--” Devotion broke off with another sob. “I am sorry, I had this whole s-speech planned, I have been going over and over it for days before I could b-be brave enough to actually walk out, but I c-cannot…”
As his words dissolved into tears, Brother Seldom sighed quietly. This poor kid, he thought to himself. He stood up and got a blanket from the sofa in the corner and put it around Devotion’s shoulders. “It’s going to be alright,” he said.
“But now they are never going to take me back, they are going to hate me, and I have nothing , I am going to be alone and I do not know what to do, I do not know what to do!” wailed Devotion. “I should not have left, I…”
“Shhhh, it’s going to be alright.” Seldom was about ready to march down to the Conservatory, find Guidance, and shake her until she rattled. “I think you did exactly the right thing, Devotion, you did the right thing by leaving. And it was very brave. I’m glad you came here, that you thought to find me. You’re going to be okay, I promise.”
“I d-don’t think I kn-know... anything ,” Devotion said, still sobbing. “Anything besides what they taught me. Wh-what am I going to do ? They will not want me back but I do not th-think I can do anything else, I am useless .”
Seldom wrinkled his nose, sitting back down. “I’m going to kill that woman,” he muttered. Louder, he added, “Do I remember right that you’ve lived in the Parish your whole life, Devotion?”
He nodded.
Guidance better watch her fucking back. “Alright, I...first, can you take a few deep breaths? I think you would feel better if you could. And maybe drink a little of the tea,” Seldom said.
Devotion took a shaky breath, wiped his eyes, and took a sip of the tea. He seemed to have calmed down after a minute or so.
Seldom leaned forward. “Listen, Devotion--”
He burst into tears again.
Wincing, Seldom took another drink of his own tea. This is going to be difficult. “It’s alright. Take as long as you need.”
“I am sorry!”
“No, you don’t have to...okay. You pretty much never have to apologize to me, unless you step on my foot or something. And even then, a ‘whoops, are you okay?’ will really suffice,” Seldom said, trying to lighten the mood even a little. “And you definitely don’t have to apologize for crying. A student of mine was crying today because her pencil lead broke. Which, admittedly, is a pretty terrible experience, but I think we can consider your circumstances as justifying a few tears as well. Don’t you agree?” He reached out and patted Devotion’s shoulder. “But do take a few more deep breaths, please.”
Pretty quickly this time, Devotion managed to stop crying. “I am s--” he began, but he broke off before he could finish the phrase. “What...were you going to say?” he said instead.
Seldom smiled. Making progress already. “I was going to say, I can tell that you’re overwhelmed and a bit miserable. But like I said, I’m very glad that you came to find me. I’m flattered--genuinely--that my broadcasts helped you realize that you wanted a different life for yourself. And I know you’re afraid that being raised by the Parish has left you ill-equipped for any other life--and perhaps it has--but what you are capable of today is not necessarily what you may be capable of tomorrow. That’s the point of learning, isn’t it?”
Devotion looked at him with wide eyes. “You think I can...learn how to do something else?” he said hopefully.
“Oh, of course you can!”
“How...how?” he asked, faltering.
Seldom waved his hand. “There’s plenty of ways to learn. I’ll see what I can teach you, first of all. But listen, Devotion, it’s almost two in the morning and I’m a tired old man. Could we work out the details in the morning, d’you think?”
“I...do not have anywhere to...stay,” Devotion said. He looked dangerously close to crying again.
“You’re staying here,” Seldom told him firmly. “Also, good grief, when was the last time you slept ? You’ve got dark circles deeper than the ethersea itself.”
Devotion tried to smile. “It has been a while,” he admitted. “I do not think I have slept much since I decided to run away, which was over a month ago.”
“Oof. That kind of sleep deprivation isn’t healthy, you know.”
“It was not on purpose.”
“No, I imagine it wasn’t,” Seldom replied. “Stay here and drink your tea for a minute, alright? I’ll be right back. I just want to make sure there are clean sheets on a bed in the dormitory for you.” When Devotion nodded, Seldom left the kitchen and found some sheets and blankets in a cabinet. When he’d made up a bed in one of the rooms, he spent a few minutes scouring for pajamas that might fit Devotion. They always kept some spare clothes around in case a student had to stay there unexpectedly, and Seldom found some that would probably be a bit small on Devotion but would work for tonight.
He went back into the kitchen quietly, seeing that Devotion had put his head down on his arms against the table. He had drunk about half of his tea, at least. Seldom cleared his throat, not wanting to startle him, and put a hand on his back.
Devotion flinched briefly, raising his head. “What is it?” he said. He sounded disoriented, like he had been half-asleep where he sat.
“Time for bed, I think,” Seldom said gently. “Come on, things will probably feel better after a good night’s sleep.”
Stumbling a bit, Devotion stood up and followed him into the room he had prepared.
“There’s a bathroom in between this room and the next one,” Seldom said, pointing. “And I found some clothes--not ideal, we can find different ones tomorrow. I imagine you’re not too keen on the idea of continuing to wear your current outfit?”
Devotion looked down at the symbol on his robe. “Not particularly,” he said.
“Right, we can get rid of those tomorrow as well.”
“I think I would like to burn them,” Devotion said decisively, and Seldom let out a short, startled laugh.
“ Hell yes, I like your style!” he exclaimed.
Devotion smiled. It was a small smile, but it was the only real one he’d given since arriving at the schoolhouse. “Thank you.”
Seldom felt an urge to reach up and ruffle Devotion’s hair, but refrained for now. “And I’m just down the hall if you need anything. I’ll leave my door open. Feel free to sleep in as late as you want to--goodness knows, you need it.”
“Thank you,” Devotion repeated.
“Sleep well,” Seldom said warmly. He started to leave, then paused. “Oh--feel free not to answer this one, but I just want to make sure I’m not misinterpreting. You’re presenting very differently to the last time I saw you, gender-wise--”
“I am a boy--a man,” Devotion replied quickly.
He looked a bit embarrassed at the way he’d answered the question, so Seldom winked. “Cool, I’m also a boy-man. Just wanted to check. Goodnight!”
“Goodnight,” responded Devotion, and he was smiling again.
Seldom was smiling also...for as long as Devotion could see him. As soon as he was out in the hallway, though, his smile disappeared.
He was going to have to go to church in the morning. Ohh, this is going to be an absolute nightmare.