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The door to their quiet countryside home burst open, causing Link to reach for the soup ladle. But he quickly placed it down, upon seeing his intruders. Slightly less than pleased at his unannounced visitors, he stays in his chair at the kitchen table, finishing his glass of milk. Zelda, on the other hand, drops what she’s doing and runs to the door, completely ecstatic.
“Oh my Hylia, what are you all doing here?!” She grinned, giving each Impa, Purah, Robbie, and Paya a heart-felt hug.
“We just wanted to make sure you were being well taken care of,” muttered Impa, slowly making her way to a comfortable chair in the living room.
“How wonderful!” Zelda shuts her eyes in joy and clasps her hands together.
But Link narrowed his eyes at Impa. They weren’t just here to do science with Zelda? Fix more robots that might try to kill them all again? He may not have all his memories back, but he remembered enough to know that no one would question his ability to look after Zelda, especially not Impa.
Robbie pulled up a chair at the kitchen table with Link. “Milk, eh?”
Link gave a nod.
“...Doesn’t seem to be working, does it?” Link raised an unamused eyebrow and looked at Zelda for assistance.
“Can we get you anything? We just finished breakfast,” Zelda chirped, extending a bowl of fruit. They had essentially swapped stances on mornings. Zelda, no longer needing to dread unsuccessful days of prayer, was the morniest morning person in Hyrule. Link, on the other hand, felt that defeating Calamity Ganon entitled him to retire his previous ways of waking up before the sun every day. Nothing was trying to kill them anymore–what was the rush?
“Princess,” Paya squeaked. “I love your new hair, it’s so–” but she never finished. While she was admiring Zelda’s shorter haircut, she looked over her shoulder to see Link at his kitchen table, without his shirt on. As a result, Paya covered her face with her hands and was rendered speechless. Link looked down at his glass. All he wanted was a waffle. Why was he being punished?
Purah stepped out from behind Paya, pointing at Link. “There, he’s shirtless. Doesn’t that prove it?!”
Link and Zelda exchanged a confused glance. “He spilled something on it, I was just scrubbing the stain out.” She pointed over her shoulder to the bucket of water with his damp shirt hanging on the side of it. But Link had an idea where this was going.
“Quiet Purah! You don’t mind if we have a look around, do you?” asked Robbie. But he didn’t wait for either of them to respond. Purah and Robbie began snooping, leaving Impa to rest on the chair and Paya to stand shamefully in a corner. Link narrowed his eyes at the pair. The only thing they would expect to find in their personal home is evidence of their personal lives. The only thing in their personal lives were each other. And they were clearly trying to make a point. Zelda, on the other hand, was still confused, wondering why her dearest, oldest friends suddenly had greater fascination in her decor choices than in visiting with her. Robbie stuck out his hand. “May I see the Sheikah Slate, please?”
Zelda pulled it out of her pocket and placed it in Robbie’s hand, muttering, “Of course…” Robbie wasted no time, swiping furiously, but apparently coming up empty handed.
“No photos…” he muttered angrily, handing it back to her. Photos, now there’s an idea, Link thought, raising his glass.
But Zelda was still trying to catch up–that didn’t make sense, because there were photos on the Sheikah Slate. “Photos? What photos were you looking for?” she asked, staring at the screen.
“Tell her, Robbie. Tell the Queen of Hyrule what photos you were looking for,” Link said dryly.
“Don’t be an idiot, Robbie, of course the princess isn’t going to keep incriminating photos on the Sheikah Slate.”
“Something wrong with your telescope, Purah?” Link accused sharply with narrow eyes. Purah marched over to their kitchen window and forcefully pulled down the drapes in response. Link had put them up as soon as Zelda came home and told him that Purah had built a telescope so powerful, she could see their house from there. His instincts were never wrong.
“Purah what are you doing?!” Poor Zelda, bless her heart, has yet to catch on. But Purah ignored her, and instead marched at Link.
“Linky, you wouldn’t lie to the very Sheikah who put you in the Shrine of Resurrection, the Sheikah who saved your very life, would you? So just tell me the truth. Are you sleeping with Princess Zelda?” Link raised his eyebrows, impressed. That might have actually worked, had the shrine not wiped out all his memories, and had it not been Zelda’s idea in the first place, and what was the last one? Oh yeah, saving her back by defeating Calamity Ganon. But luckily, he needn’t speak.
Zelda stepped in between Purah and Link, glaring down the small one hundred year old child scientist. “What?! Don’t even dignify that with a response, Link. I want you all out–”
“No, let them stay, Princess. Search as long as you’d like. You won’t find anything.” Link was unable to back down from a challenge. Especially knowing he never loses. But he caught sight of Paya melting in the corner of the room, and guilt had him second guessing his decision. It was unnecessarily cruel for them to drag her along. But then again, maybe he needed to practice being more brutally harsh, to avoid even greater cruelty later on. He left to get a second shirt while they overturned his house. Within minutes, Purah and Robbie had covered the entire house, and found nothing.
“Are you done?” Link asked.
“Not quite,” said Impa. Impa had stayed seated during the entire search, and didn’t ask a single question. All eyes went to her as she got up from the chair, and slowly made her way to the bedroom. The group followed, Link and Zelda entering the room.
“Link, how many bedrooms does this home have?”
“One.”
“And how many beds do we see in this one bedroom home?”
Silence filled the room as all eyes gravitated towards the single bed in the center of the room.
Once again, Zelda spoke in their defense. “Bolson was out of other beds,” she said, raising a hand to denote that it proves nothing. And that is what Link told her, after all.
“Is that true, Link? Was Bolson out of beds?” Impa inquired. Suddenly a room full of people were staring at him. He nodded silently, fighting the nervous habit he had of running his hand through his hair. “And so where do you sleep, Link?”
Link was about to open his mouth and say on the barn floor outside, but Zelda was faster. “So what if we’re sleeping together, that doesn’t prove we’re…sleeping together,” she yelled, placing her hands on her hips. Oh, how that brings back memories. He always appreciated Zelda’s ability to lie so confidently. [.......wait a minute……]
“True, princess. But the fact that Link’s redder than a blood moon does.” Eyes shifted to him again, while he folded one arm across his chest, the other arm covering his mouth. You’d think he was mocking Paya. He swore this was more excruciating than (almost) dying on the battlefield. How he missed his shield. How he hoped this was all just a dream he was having, still stuck inside the shrine. If he were to wake up, he would not make the mistake of telling the Sheikah where he lived.
Impa extended a wrinkled hand out. “Pay up.” Sheepishly, Paya placed a bag of two hundred rupees in her grandmother’s palm. Apparently Link didn’t lead on as much as he thought he did. Zelda scowled; she should have known, bashful or otherwise, Paya was still Impa’s granddaughter. The group scuttled out, having gotten what they came for, laughing and making jokes the entire way, Zelda practically slamming the door behind them. She turned around to Link, who was leaning against a wall, tring to return his complexion back to a human skin color.
“Bolson was out of beds, right, Link?”