Chapter Text
Amanda Rollins entered the 16th precinct, coffee still waking up her brain and warming her body. She settled at her desk and daydreamed about her morning while waiting for her computer to turn on. Even though waking up next to Sonny, getting her girls ready for school with him, and watching him make them breakfast had become their reliable routine, she was still amazed every day that this was her life now, happy and content for the first time in years. The precinct filled around her, Fin with his jelly donut, and Velasco with his coffee, still getting used to the new space. She watched Liv walk in, smiling as she waved to the squad before settling herself in her office on the side of the bullpen. Unfortunately, the regular routine of their job fell into place too, as Liv walked out a mere ten minutes after arriving, and announced the details of a call she had received of a possible sexual assault. The team gathered their things, and Fin and Velasco followed Liv to the elevator.
Just as she was about to turn and follow, Amanda’s phone rang. She squinted at the screen, an unknown number plastered there, the area code unfamiliar. She hesitated before picking up and began walking towards the elevator to avoid being too far behind her coworkers. She stopped in her tracks when she heard the voice on the other end.
“My last day on Earth, huh?”, it growled. Amanda felt the blood drain from her face, as memories of a young boy eating strawberries in his kitchen, a cut across a woman’s hand, blood and bruises on another’s face, and blood streaming down a man’s neck flashed across her eyes in quick succession. She hadn’t quite caught her breath before the voice continued, “I look forward to you killing me yourself. Say hi to Jesse for me. I’m sure she’d love another stuffed animal.” Before Amanda could respond, the caller hung up, and she stood there in shock.
It took her a full minute to register what had happened. When she came to, she remembered the case and rushed towards the elevator, hoping she wasn’t too far behind the others. Her thoughts raced as she waited impatiently for the elevator to descend. It couldn’t be. But it was. It had to have been. Nobody else knew those words…
Once she reached the bottom floor, she rushed out of the elevator and to the front of the precinct, where she found the rest of the team waiting outside of the squad cars.
“You get distracted?”, Fin called with an amused expression before ducking into the driver’s seat.
Liv peered curiously at Amanda, as she had always been good at reading the emotions on her detective’s face. “Are you okay?”
Amanda shook her head and responded, hearing her voice as if it wasn’t her own, “Fine. Liv uh I- can I ride with you?” She asked quickly, as Velasco had begun walking towards the car Liv was planning on driving.
Liv furrowed her brows, her mouth forming an expression of concern. “Yes, of course. Velasco, ride with Fin. We’ll see you there.”
Once in the car, Amanda felt her breath steading as she tried to process what had happened. Before she knew it, words were spilling out of her mouth to Liv, her closest confidant, the one she knew she could rely on to help her.
“Liv, you remember Henry Mesner, right? The boy who killed his family, raped that girl after being released?”
Liv shuddered visibly, and responded, “Of course. It wasn’t long ago.”
“Back when he got locked up the second time after he- after he stabbed Carisi, I… went to visit him. I threatened him. Said I would kill him if he ever went after my family again.” Amanda looked at her lap, realizing as she said it how risky that simple act of defiance was.
Liv took a beat before continuing. “Alright, understandable. Not the smartest but understandable. But he’s locked up. Why is it worrying you now?”
“I got a call just now, while I was inside the office. It's why I was behind everyone. It- It was him. He repeated my words back to me, I don’t know how he got my number, or a phone or…” Amanda looked up at Liv, and she stared back in horror.
“Okay. Okay, I will call the facility where Henry was put, make sure he’s there. Amanda, did anyone else hear the conversation with Henry? Was anyone in the room with you?”
“No, I was alone. It might have been recorded, I can check with the prison, but I’m not sure.” She paused before continuing and looked at the roof of the car as the fear set in. “Liv it- it was him. I talked with him for half an hour in that funhouse. I know his voice. It was him”
Olivia’s voice lowered as she took a breath. “Okay, Amanda, look at me”, she put her hands on the blond’s shoulders, forcing her head to turn and look her in the eye. “Let’s get to this case, one thing at a time, and then we will call and make sure that Henry is locked up, where he should be, alright?”, she nodded, looking intensely at Amanda.
“I- okay”, Amanda nodded, reassured by Olivia’s words. She let herself breathe a shaky breath as Olivia started the car to drive to the scene of their latest report.
As soon as Amanda walked into the room of their most recent rape victim, her mind flashed backward. Whether by actual similarities or the priming of her unexpected phone call, everything she saw mirrored the room of Libby Blandon. A bloody extension cord, bloodstains all over the mattress and along the walls. She made eye contact with Liv, her face mirroring Amanda’s horror.
CSU agents had already begun combing through the piles of evidence scattered throughout the room and the rest of the victim’s apartment, but at the sight of Amanda, one of them looked up, alarmed, and immediately approached her.
“We found this, tacked to the wall next to the bed. It’s- that’s you in that picture, right, Detective?”, the nervous CSU agent said, studying Amanda’s face and hair for recognition.
Amanda took the photo in her hand and pretended to squint as though attempting to discern the figures in the image. In reality, she didn’t need to squint to recognize the photo. In fact, she had identified the figures as the CSU agent walked towards her with the picture in her hand. The viral video of Amanda and Sonny outside of the courthouse during the Willa Bartola case had almost been their downfall. They had brushed off their almost desperate and protective physical contact as heat of the moment, but they both knew their protection of each other ran much deeper than former partners feeling threatened by teenagers. In the screenshot Amanda holds in her hand, her and Carisi’s faces are visible, their arms wrapped around each other, her face turned up towards him with a look of concern. This stilled shot conveys all of the intimacy that the rapid frames of the video fail to see. Someone had to search for this. He had to search for this. He knows. He knows that I know. Amanda thought as she stared down at the picture in her hands.
As she held the picture, she realized the pads of her fingers had brushed over an indentation on the back, something the CSU agent seemed to have either missed or failed to mention. She flipped over the picture and had to place her hand on a nearby countertop to steady herself once she read what had been scrawled there.
Have you told him you love him yet?
Amanda looked up, scanning the room to see if anybody had noticed. To her dismay, Olivia was looking right at her, her pen hovering over a notepad, in the middle of taking the statement of a local police officer. She squinted in Amanda’s direction before turning back to her notes.
Amanda’s mind raced, a million emotions whipped through her ranging from regret to horror to absolute, pure terror. Somewhere deep in her mind, logic clicked in, and she took out her phone to take a picture of the back of the photo before bagging it for evidence, and burying it at the very bottom of one of the boxes, hoping that she could get ahead of it before it was discovered for processing.
Back at the precinct, the squad sat huddled in Liv’s office, concern written on Fin's face as well, as the similarities to the Henry Mesner case were not lost on him either, especially after learning about Amanda’s unwanted phone call. Their conversation was interrupted by the front desk officer, announcing the arrival of a Dr. Barcott.
“Doctor, thank you for coming in, please, sit”, Olivia stood up to shake the doctor’s hand before explaining to Amanda and Fin who the man was. “This is Dr. Barcott, he has been treating Henry at the secure facility he has been staying at since his trial last year. Now, Doctor, we are very familiar with Henry, we've dealt with him in two separate violent cases over the past nine years. We have… suspicion,” at this, she glanced quickly at Amanda before continuing, “that a new case may be related to him. So, we just need your affirmation that he is in custody at your facility.”
Immediately, Amanda knew something was off about the Doctor. His eye darted across the room, avoiding eye contact with all three of them before he continued. “Y-y-yes of course. Henry has been in my care f-for almost a year, o-or so. I assure you.” The three of them shared alarmed eye contact, confirming that they shared the same suspicions: the Doctor was lying.
“Okay, thank you, Doctor. Um, how about I have you step into this room here, and I can get you some coffee, or water?” Olivia led him to the interview room off of the side of her office and waited until the door was completely closed before continuing.
“What the hell is going on here?”, she said immediately in a dark tone.
“I don’t know, but something’s got that guy spooked. He’s bein’ forced to lie and he’s bad as hell at it.”, Fin responded, watching the man through the one-way glass.
“Well, let’s let him sit for a while, and think. I’ll call Carisi. If this guy’s lying we could need some legal action to override patient-doctor confidentiality, fast”, Liv responded, walking towards her desk and reaching for her phone.
About 30 minutes later, ADA Dominick Carisi swiftly walked into the squad room, concern etched on every line of his face. His last encounter with Henry Mesner ended with blood streaming down his neck, and a hole in his ear barely missing his eardrum. He saw a group gathered in the Captain’s office, including a particularly noticeable blonde head that stirred warmth in his chest despite his fear, and headed inside.
As soon as he walked in, his fear increased ten-fold at the looks on their faces, particularly on Amanda’s, who was staring right at him as though she wanted to cry.
“So we called the facility and told them we talked to the Doctor” Liv began, her hands folded in a pyramid in front of her downturned mouth, “and they informed us that Henry Mesner was released four days ago, on an insistent and almost desperate plea from his psychiatrist, Dr. Barcott”, she gestured to interview, where the doctor was still sitting, staring at the corners of the ceiling. At Olivia’s words, Amanda dropped her head into her hands. Liv continued, “so we’re going to take another run at him. Something happened here, Henry is loose and we are in danger.” At that Liv stood up and motioned for Fin to follow her into the interview.
As soon as the door closed on them, Amanda stood up and Carisi rushed towards her, in perfect synchronous movements.
“Are you okay? Wha- what’s goin- on?” Carisi’s voice was hushed, just barely above a whisper as they walked slowly towards the window to observe the conversation inside the interview room. Amanda shook her head and opened her mouth to reply when Liv and Fin began their interview turned interrogation inside.
“So Dr. Barcott,” Liv began, her voice stern as she addressed the Doctor, “we called the hospital, and they told us that Henry was released. Four days ago.”
“Now you told us that he was there. Under your care. That means you lied, Barcott.” Fin picked up Liv’s line of questioning, as the doctor became visibly distressed.
Olivia held onto his sudden display of emotion and leaned closer to him across the table. “Dr. Barcott, you need to tell us what happened. People are in danger. We need to know where Henry is.” She punctuated each word with venom, using every ounce of her will to convey the urgency of the situation to the man in front of her.
“I-h-he”, the doctor spoke thickly, as tears gathered in his eyes. “He had pictures o-of my family, my son my daughter at school, he said he would k-k-kill them if I didn’t get him out of there h-he”
“How did he get them?”, Olivia asked.
“I-I don’t know, he was never let outside, but he o-bviously has f-friends-people who he t-trusts. I only worked with Henry for a year, but I have never seen a case of psychopathy like his. I knew that if I didn’t do what he said, my family would be killed. I had no choice. I don’t know where he is now.” At this, the Doctor held his head in his hands, tears streaming down his face. Olivia and Fin half-walked, half-ran back into her office, where Rollins and Carisi were waiting, fear thrumming through their entire bodies.
“Okay, we need every precinct within a 50-mile radius on this. Fin, Rollins gets his picture out there to everyone. Carisi I need warrants for-for everything. Phone, room at the hospital-”
“Already on it”, Carisi said, his fingers moving rapidly across the screen of his phone.
The three of them rushed out of her office, leaving Liv standing between her desk and the interview room window, horror rising in her throat like bile.
In the squad room, Fin sat immediately at his desk and began sending out Henry’s picture to the precincts, as Liv had instructed. Amanda grabbed Carisi’s arm as he headed for the elevator, and seeing as Fin and Liv were too distracted to be suspicious, they walked together, rounding the corner and stopping before the elevator doors.
“Amanda I-”, Carisi started but Amanda cut him off.
“I’m sorry, I don’t have a lot of time. Carisi I-I threatened Henry back when he killed his family, after he s-stabbed you. I think he might be… after me. Or you. Or both of us. This spree isn’t about his family anymore, it’s-it’s about us.” Amanda let the words spill out, staring up at Carisi’s eyes to steady her.
“Hey, hey, Amanda”, Carisi glanced around quickly before cupping her cheek with one of his hands. “It’s okay, we’re gonna get him. You’re okay, you’re safe. I won’t let anything happen to you, okay?” He lifted her face to look at his and kissed her forehead softly as the elevator doors opened. She nodded and watched him with tearful eyes until the doors closed, and the slivers of color from his suit were lost behind the metal.
They had been chasing leads and reexamining every piece of information and evidence they had gathered on Henry for hours when Liv got the call. When she stepped away from the group, answering the phone with her usual “Captain Benson”, Amanda barely looked up, until Liv’s response to the caller was an immediate, panicked “What?! When? We're on our way.”
Fin and Amanda stood up and stepped towards Liv, who had already run into her office and out again, and pulled on her coat, her hands shaking slightly as she ran towards the elevator, frantically beckoning the squad to follow her. “The courthouse. Henry.”, she managed to get out, breathless, but it was enough to send Fin, Rollins, and Velasco flying after her.
The scene at the courthouse was a nightmare. The lobby was filled with police, the red and blue flashing lights bouncing across the marble, sending eerie reflections across the floor and walls.
“What happened?” Liv demanded of the nearest guard as soon as they entered the building.
“A guy forced his way into the building with an AR-15, and couldn't have been more than 20 years old. Shot four security guards held someone at gunpoint, and forced his way into the elevator.”, the guard explained frantically.
Rollins pulled up a picture of Henry on her phone and showed it to the man. “This him?”
“Yeah, that’s him.”, he nodded affirmatively.
“Where is he now? Is the building locked down?”, Liv asked.
“Security cams caught him about 15 minutes after he entered, holding a man at gunpoint in the garage. Looks like he hotwired a car, drove it out. He was in and out in less than 20 minutes”, the officer said, tilting a computer screen towards them so they could view the security footage. A black bag had been pulled over the face of the victim, but his stance and his suit were instantly recognizable for the three SVU officers. Amanda’s head began to spin so fast she thought she was going to pass out, and she grabbed onto Olivia’s arm for support. Just then, a crackle came through on the officer’s radio, and he stepped a few paces away to listen to it, before returning and reporting to the three of them, “CSU’s found an office a few floors above, with signs of a struggle, blood. Belongs to a Manhattan ADA.” Olivia nodded and immediately rushed towards the elevator, Fin and Rollins right behind her.
Carisi’s office was a complete mess. Papers, case files, and warrants were all strewn across the floor. A duffel bag he had kept by the door had been ransacked, and the contents spilled over the floor. Clothes, a toothbrush. Amanda’s stomach turned when she recognized it, the bag Sonny always brought with him for an impromptu sleepover at her apartment. CSU agents were gathered around his desk, taking photos and swabs of a small pool of blood left there. Liv rushed forward first, leaving Fin and Rollins behind to process what they were seeing.
“Is it his?”Liv asked the agents urgently.
“We won’t know until the lab confirms with DNA. We’ll put a rush on it”, he responded succinctly, moving over to place the swab in a sealed bag to be sent off to the lab.
Olivia took a deep breath and turned to walk back to Fin and Rollins. “Fin, I need you to comb through CSU’s evidence, compare it to Henry’s other scenes, see if there are any patterns that could help us find him. Rollins-” Liv turned to Amanda to give her her task but stopped immediately when she saw her. Amanda’s arms were wrapped around herself, her knuckles turning white as they clutched her arms to steady herself. Tears were welling in her eyes, which darted around the room, taking in detail after detail, each one increasing the rage and fear building throughout her entire body. It took her a moment to realize that Liv had said something and was staring at her, and she finally found the bearings to respond.
“Liv, I-” Amanda’s voice was thick with emotion, as she frantically searched her Captain’s face, “I need to talk to you.”
Amanda and Olivia walked into the Captain's office back at the precinct. Amanda sat in the chair across from Liv’s desk while Liv shut the door quietly, and sat down, searching the blonde’s face with curiosity, fear, and concern. Finally, she asked quietly, “how long has it been?”
Amanda looked up at Olivia, alarmed, but she knew there was no point in hiding it now. Not with the danger Carisi was in at that moment, danger that could have something to do with their badly hidden secret. Finally, she took a deep breath. “About six months. Fin’s ‘wedding’.” Her hands hung in the air, quotes around the word wedding. The reference would have brought up fond, happy memories for the two women, if not for the situation they were in. Amanda continued, “It’s serious. It has been for a while. I- not disclosing yet was my decision. We just kept putting it off I-it was so stupid of us Liv, I’m so sorry.”
Olivia listened to Amanda, her mind wrapping around the new information. Even though she already had a strong suspicion confirmed by Amanda’s behavior today, it was still news. “When you threatened Henry, you mentioned Carisi. Does Henry know?”
“He’s smart. I think he suspects. And he-he saw that video that was posted during the Willa Bartola case. The one of those kids throwing trash at Carisi and I outside of the courthouse. Do you remember that?”
“Yes of course. I… suspected after seeing that, but I wanted to give you two the chance to come to me yourselves. How do you know he saw it?”
Amanda shifted in her seat to pull her phone out of her pocket. She pulled up the photo of the evidence she had taken back at the crime scene. “He left a screenshot of the video at the scene of the rape. This-” Amanda’s voice faltered as she felt tears welling in her eyes again, and took a deep breath, willing them to leave. “this was written on the back.”
Olivia picked up the phone that Amanda slid across the desk, and read the words inscribed in the photo over and over, her head spinning with anger at Rollins for not showering her this sooner, and fear about what this meant for Carisi.
“He’s right,” Amanda said suddenly, finally letting the tears fall down her face. “I haven’t told him yet. And I do. Love him. He may never know that.”
Olivia got up quickly and rushed around the table to wrap her arms around Amanda, who leaned against her Captain’s chest and allowed herself to break.