Work Text:
[instrumental]
I’ve lived a life that’s rad as Christmas, free from all regret
There’s no thing I’ve done that I’d like to forget
A lifetime spent in San Dimas with a van to tour ‘cross the country
It’s been just cool as hell, everything I could ever ask for.
My dad would leave for months at a time, and as a kid
He really stained my soul with abandonment and pain
But Nick, you didn’t seem to mind
We’re the Close Boys and that pride
Is what drives this duo to remind all of mankind to bow down
I never saw you frown.
You were the best son that I could have asked for, you beautiful bastard
I didn’t deserve all this love without heed
Will anybody discover your compassion for others
I can’t help but wonder what you could’ve achieved
If I was a better father, I would have worked harder
And would have gone farther to see you succeed
But now you have to leave
So can I just say
Of all the things that give me hope
The things that make me feel alive
Inside, what fills me with pride
Is you, and your mother--
She would have been stronger.
And of all the things that I’ve done wrong
Of all the people I’ve betrayed
I pray that you could just stay
And I would be more
Without an encore.
And even though this is a last farewell
You should know that as I watch you go to hell
I’ll miss your laugh and smile and snark with all my heart
Oh, Nick, my boy,
I love you more than all things
I spent so many years defiant, feeling sorry for myself
But now I recognize the suffering I dealt
I could develop the perspective to see when you’re in distress
But you’re gone and now your body is possessed
By a narc whose dad has it out for me, and maybe he was right:
I’m just some fucked up scumbag deadbeat dad with bite.
Nick, my son, I was proud of the boy you were before
I wish I had known how to show you that more
But I ran away from my feelings, abandoned my family
Morgan was gone; you were who needed me most
You’re a fuckin’ ball-buster with a passionate luster
To show the others Close Boys rule the West Coast
And maybe you don’t forgive me, I would say I’m sorry
But there’s no apology that would let me hold you close
Just let me try my utmost
And can I just say
Of all the things that give me hope
The things that make me feel alive
Inside, what fills me with pride
Is you, and your mother--
She would have been stronger.
And of all the things that I’ve done wrong
Of all the people I’ve betrayed
I pray that you could just stay
And I would be more
Without an encore.
And even though this is a last farewell
You should know that as I watch you go to hell
I’ll miss your laugh and smile and snark with all my heart
Nick, my boy...
You have to go
I can see the infernal plane
You cock a smile at me
As your hair turns into flame
But if you’re still in there, I want you to know
That you always made this life worth living
(spoken) Hey, Nick! ...Proud of you, buddy.
Goodbye.