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I’m starting this unsure of what is going to happen in the future. The past, the present, the future, these have always been confusing concepts to grasp.
I don’t know who is going to be reading this, or exactly when they are reading, but there’s one thing I know, and that is my own future. I know it quite well.
I know what awaits me, and it will not please everyone, so I just have to start this by saying I am absolutely sorry. I promise that I tried my best, I always did, but there was nothing I could’ve done, or nothing anyone else could’ve done. This was it. It was always meant to be it. And though I know it’s a complicated situation, please believe me when I say that it’s better this way.
To my family, I cannot say enough. You were the lights of my day every single day that I woke up here, wondering if it was still worth it. For the three of you, it was. And if the universe was perfect then you would be the faces of it. In your eyes, I saw every version of myself, and I prayed time would take good care of you. And if your smiles ever fade, then that should be the moment my soul ceases to have meaning.
To my best friends, you taught me more than I ever thought I could teach anyone. You made me learn what it was like to live a life, from the little activities to the great achievements of the human brain. I owe to you more than civilization owes to the skies, and I am still hopeful that all I did was enough to show how much I appreciated learning to go on.
To everyone I knew: thank you. You gave my life reasoning, you loved me and took care of me, until the day in which I took my final breath. I’m sure you’ll keep missing me, and thinking of me, and I promise that, wherever I end up, I’ll be okay. And if I'm conscious, I’ll be thinking of all your smiles, all your inside jokes and conversations. I’ll have everyone in my head, every single one of you. So thank you, again, for giving me memories I can die with, memories that will give my death meaning. I hope you understand me, and that you are able to forgive yourself if you don't.
I hurt, and I ache, and that is finally going to end. I am leaving but together with me is all my pain and suffering, which I had years on end to deal with, but which I was never able to completely fight. The medication helped, but chemical balances are not capable of fighting against the biggest evil of all: insignificance.
Earth-C would not gain anything with the propagation of my existence, and neither would I. My choice to stay on the board would not benefit anyone, and in fact, would be able to corrupt many of the circumstances, and of that, I am absolutely certain. My decision of life and death holds everyone in mind, and above all, it holds me. It’s a selfish decision that I chose to be selfish with. It has always been in my blood, the selfishness that would eventually ruin my life. This was written in my DNA.
So I am sorry again, everyone. I know I didn’t say enough, and I will always regret that. But you were all special to me, you were all the people I could call my friends. And I apologize for not being perfect, for not being, to be quite honest, even an average guy. I hope you all find perfect people to give you perfect things. Sorry I couldn't be the one. Sorry I couldn't even hang around long enough to see you all grow.
I hope you all have incredible existences. Whenever you miss me, just know that one day I shared the same ground as you, and that I cherished it as much as I could. Thank you for letting me leave peacefully and on my own terms.
I wish for the best of Earth-C. I am a proud God of this universe, forever your Heart. I hope you grow well without me, with the help of all the other incredible Gods, whom I would be nothing without.
Maybe I’ll see you all someday. Look forward to that.
Much love, Dirk Strider.