Chapter Text
“Spark up, buzz cut,
I got my tongue between your teeth.
Go slow, no, no, go fast,
You like it just as much as me.”
- My My My by Troye Sivan
Kiara tilted her head to the side, contemplating. She watched the blonde boy from the opposite side of the hammock, both of them swaying together in the dying afternoon light. It was mid July and the air was sticky sweet, the marshes buzzed with insects and the sky was turning apricot.
He’d just brought the neatly rolled joint to his mouth and Kie watched the tip of his tongue peek out from between his lips, lick a neat line along the paper in a practiced move. He hummed in satisfaction when he thumbed at the edges and he was looking for his lighter when the girl spoke.
“Objectively speaking, do you think I’m a good kisser?”
JJ fumbled with the zippo, the flame licking at his fingers when he dropped it, not bothering to search for it when it tumbled into the long grass. The boy looked up at Kie from under the brim of his hat, his eyes surprised and his lips parted. He still held the unlit joint in his hand, unmoving.
He cleared his throat before he answered, kept his eyes on her and wondered if it was a trick question. But the girl looked serious, her brown eyes on his and her mouth set in a thin line. Kie raised her brows at him.
“Well?” She prompted.
“With the way you argue?” JJ smirked, “I can only imagine.”
“JJ,” the girl huffed, grabbing for the joint and finding another lighter in her own pocket, “that’s not an answer.”
He watched her spark up, the blunt hanging from her lips in a way he always found too attractive. Kie took a long drag, let her eyes flutter shut and the smoke burned in her lungs for a second too long. She blew it back out to the sky, scrunched her nose at the boy when she saw he was still staring at her.
She handed it to him, watched him repeat her actions and tried not to focus on the way his lips wrapped around the joint too much.
“Shit, Kie, I don’t know what you want me to say here,” JJ told her, his lips twisted into a smile that told her he was trying not to laugh, “we’ve never kissed, I wouldn't know.”
“I know that,” she scowled, stretching her legs out alongside his own and nudging her bare foot into his thigh. “That’s why I said objectively .”
The boy huffed, passed the smoke back to Kiara and her outstretched fingers. He watched her fall back into the hammock, the motion making it swing slightly. She closed her eyes again as she took another draw and JJ could have sworn her cheeks had more colour to them, the skin tinged pink between the freckles that appeared in the summer months.
Her free hand was drumming an unknown beat on the bare skin of her stomach, the open shirt she wore over her bikini showing off soft curves and lean, bronzed skin. JJ swallowed hard. She seemed jittery, he noted, her fingers dancing distractedly and the blush on her cheeks stayed there.
“Why d’you ask?” JJ said to her, his words casual. He knew Kie, he knew how she worked and he didn’t want to scare her away by demanding answers, probing too hard or teasing too much.
John B was somewhere on Figure Eight, riding around in the Twinkie with Sarah, and Pope was on a strict study schedule, ordered by his father. The chateau sat empty behind them, the marshes soft and quiet in the summer afternoon. It was just them.
He thinks that’s why she asked him. He thinks that’s why she answered him with honesty now.
Kie glanced back to him from under her lashes, her gaze shy and only a little wary. Their fingers brushed when she passed back the joint and she couldn’t help but feel like the air had grown more still, like the island was trying to hear her secrets too.
But it was just JJ, watching her intently with blue, blue eyes and a smile that was barely there, only given away by the slight appearance of dimples on his cheeks.
“I don’t know,” she started, shrugging with overly exaggerated nonchalance, “you ever wonder if it’s the person you're with or it’s you that’s the problem?” She picked at a frayed piece of denim on her shorts, already hating the way her throat felt thick with embarrassment, how she knew her cheeks would be stained pink. She was seventeen for fuck sake.
JJ shifted in the hammock, pressed his leg flush against her own so she looked back to him. He tilted his head at her words, a little curious, a little confused. He furrowed his brow and kept his voice neutral when he asked her:
“What d‘you mean?”
Kiara sighed and swiped a hand over her face, as if she could rub away the embarrassment. She was already regretting opening her mouth and JJ was looking at her with such genuine intent that she didn’t think she could handle it anymore.
She sat up, crossed her legs and tried to not think about how she immediately missed the contact of his own pushed up against her.
“Can we, urgh god, can we just forget it?”
“Hey, hey, hey,” JJ sat up with her, hand curling around her wrist when she went to move to the edge of the hammock, ready to walk away with no explanation. “Kie, c’mon Kiara.” He pulled at her a little, tried not to smile when she sniffed at him and avoided all eye contact.
He tugged at a stray curl, pressed a gentle finger into her ribs until she squirmed back into the dip of the hammock and glared at him.
“You’re insufferable,” she huffed but she settled back into the space across from him anyway.
“You say that as if I’m not already fully aware,” he grinned, “c’mon, talk to me. What’s going on?”
JJ watched her mull it over in her head, her gaze settled on the ripples in the marsh. Cicadas buzzed around them and Kie chewed at her lip, picked at the hem of her shorts. He didn’t push her though, he just waited, bringing the last of his joint to his lips before he stubbed it out on the sole of his shoe. When he dropped the butt into the old bucket that sat beside the tree, Kiara started talking.
“Do you ever just think?” She asked bluntly, “like, if you’re a good kisser?”
JJ was about to tell her that this version of her thoughts wasn’t much different to her original question but the girl slumped back into the old woven material, brought her knees up so he couldn’t really see her from where he lay.
“There’s been a few guys, you know? At the boneyard and at parties and it’s not like it’s anything serious, it’s just…”
JJ frowned at the way his chest burned at her words, played pretend with himself and decided that the sinking in his stomach was due to hunger, not jealousy.
“Fun?” He offered her.
“Yeah, fun, exactly,” Kie sat up suddenly, the movement rocking them again and JJ swore when his side dipped too dramatically, “except it hasn’t been fun? And I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be like, overflowing with hormones at this age and surely a cute guy kissing me behind a palm tree is supposed to be thrilling?”
“Thrilling?” JJ repeated, a laugh rumbling in his chest. He grinned at her.
“Shut up,” she snapped back, but there wasn’t a lot of heat behind her words. There never really was when it came to JJ, not anymore. “Maybe not thrilling then, but shit, surely it’s got to be more than just nice ?”
JJ hummed, sitting up to meet her in the middle, his legs splayed out on either side of her crossed ones. He flicked her knee, didn’t feel like he could actually meet her gaze when he asked her:
“So why’re you asking me if I think you’d be a good kisser?”
The afternoon had stretched slowly into dusk and the clouds over the horizon had turned cotton candy pink, the sky lilac. A breeze that hadn’t been there earlier picked at the girl's curls and JJ could smell her peach shampoo from where he sat.
He knew she was blushing again when her chin dipped, her fingers playing with the laces on his boots. She shrugged.
Kie thought back to all the times she’d let a boy into her space, wanted his hands on her body, let his lips press into her own. She’d let guys set the pace on occasion and she’d taken control too, pushing their backs into brick walls outside houses filled with rowdy, drunk teenagers. But it was always lacklustre, something missing, something leaving her empty and frustrated. The girl had spent nights after in her bed, bones hazy from alcohol and weed and wondering if maybe she just didn’t know how to kiss.
“I guess I’ve just been wondering if it’s me, y’know? If I’m just really fucking bad at it and no one’s telling me, so all these guys that I’ve macked on are just, god , bored shitless or something.”
JJ watched Kie talk, how her full bottom lip pouted and twisted in upset at her own words, how her eyes blazed in annoyance and her hands fiddled with the bursting seams on one of the pillows she’d stolen from John B’s room earlier that day.
Kiara was a little thunderstorm, fast words, eager hands and too much emotion. He watched her tongue flash out to swipe at her bottom lip, how she pursed them together in agitation when he still hadn’t responded.
There was no fucking way Kiara Carrera was a bad kisser.
“Kiss me, then, and I’ll tell you.”
Kie stared at him, eyes wide and mouth open. She tilted her head, smiled nervously and decided she hated the way his eyes remained serious.
“I’m sorry,” she huffed out with a laugh, “I could’ve sworn you just told me to kiss you.”
“I did,” he replied, not missing a beat, “and if you want to find out the answer to your original question Carrera, you’ll take me up on my very generous offer.” JJ grinned at her and his teeth flashed in what little light the sun still had to give them.
“No pogue on pogue macking,” she managed to reply back, her voice suddenly a lot quieter than it had been before. She couldn’t stop herself from letting her eyes rake down to the boy’s lips, down to his shoulders that were broad and strong under his ripped shirt, the sleeves cut off and binned many summers ago. She could see the expanse of suntanned skin across his sides, taught across muscles that she’d watch appear over the years.
“Is that the only excuse you have?” His words were too quick and too sharp and Jesus, they hit Kie a little too close to home. His legs were still on either side of hers, his boots pressing up against her hips.
“If we’re gonna abandon all sense of regulation, then maybe I should consider asking John B or Pope instead.” She narrowed her eyes at him, an annoyance simmering there at the way she felt he was teasing her, poking fun at the insecurities she’d allowed him to hear.
JJ tutted, a smirk on his lips that was all too familiar, “you know fine well Sarah isn’t gonna let another girl mack on her man, not even her best friend and not even in the name of science.”
He leaned forward, let his head dip close to hers and his lips brushed against the shell of her ear. Kie tried not to shiver but when she felt his lips stretch into a smile against her, she knew he’d noticed.
“And let’s be real here Kie, we both know I’d be way more fun than Pope.”
He pulled back with a laugh when she slapped at his chest, her face beetroot. She was thankful for the way the sun was dipping below the marshes, the last of the light turning the still waters scarlet.
JJ winked at her and she sent him a withering look in return.
“You’re hilarious,” she told him bluntly, her body still itching with heat at how the boy had whispered in her ear, the brim of his hat pressing into her curls.
“Who said I was joking?” He quipped, one eyebrow raised. It wasn’t just a question, the words left his lips with a challenge burnt into them.
The air buzzed around them, the silence too loud. It should have been awkward. Kie should have rolled her eyes, punched at his shoulder like she always did when he made an attempt to flirt with her. JJ should have laughed, shrugged it off when she hit him with her usual fond rejection.
But it wasn’t awkward, no one laughed and Kie didn’t say anything. Not for a while, anyway.
A few beats passed and Kiara could’ve sworn her heart thumped too loud, roaring in her ears and making the evening air stick to her skin. She brushed away a curl that licked over her forehead, fell into her eyes. JJ was still looking at her, his eyes clear and steady. The only way she knew he was as nervous as she felt, was by the way he chewed at the corner of his mouth.
“You’d really let me kiss you?”
JJ wanted to laugh at the way she phrased her question, as if it was such a hardship on his behalf. But he pressed a thumb to his lip instead, keeping in the words he wanted to let fall out of his mouth too enthusiastically.
God yes, Jesus fucking Christ, please.
So he fidgeted with the ring on his pinkie, nodded and held her gaze, both of their faces warming when reality fell across them like the evening lay on the marsh. Was she serious?
Was he serious?
Kiara held her breath, let it burn in her lungs like the first hit of a joint and tried to not let her mouth fall open when the boy nodded at her.
“In the name of science?” He joked, a smile on his lips when his boot nudged into her hip fondly, “sure.”
He was positive that this was when the girl would tut at him, tell him to shut up and roll off the hammock. He thought he’d watch her walk back towards the chateau, him yelling jokes and flirtatious comments after her as she’d flip him off without even sparing him a second glance.
But she didn’t. That didn’t happen.
Kie tucked her hair behind an ear instead, looking at him with shy and curious brown eyes. Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip. Her next words hit him like a bullet to the chest, rattling at his rib cage in the most glorious, glorious way.
“This will stay between us, right?”
JJ would’ve sworn down there and then that he would take this secret to the grave with him. He would’ve promised the girl anything at that moment, anything to keep making her look at him like that. He just nodded, casual, calm. His heart was screaming.
“Come here then.”
Each word slipped from her lips like sugar and honey, and they sounded completely fucking unholy. JJ could see through the stubborn mask Kie had set upon her pretty features, the set of her jaw hiding how she wanted to chew at her lip, a gaze that burned into him but flickered with nerves. The boy let out the breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding.
“Yeah?” JJ felt light headed.
Kiara moved first, shuffling into the middle of the hammock, balancing on her knees in a way that would’ve normally impressed him considering the way the fabric was swinging, but the boy was too busy staring, slack jawed.
What the actual fuck was happening.
She looked at him expectantly, started to worry at her lip when he still hadn’t moved towards her and JJ could tell that the girl was about to back out of wherever this was. Their deal, their experiment.
Their secret.
So he started to move, leant into her again and stretched his legs out on either side of her knees. He was closer to her than he’d ever usually get, their noses only a few inches apart. JJ could see the freckles on her nose, the tiny little scar that followed the line of her right eyebrow, evidence of how she followed her boys into any of the trouble they found.
“You sure you wanna do this?” He whispered to her, his voice quiet and soft ‘cause it only seemed right to match the tension that had swallowed them up. Nothing existed outside of that goddamn hammock now, and fuck if JJ was gonna break the spell.
Kie was looking at his lips, her stare curious, expectant. She flashed her eyes up to meet his gaze, shrugged one shoulder and tried to sound nonchalant.
“It doesn’t mean anything, right?”
JJ scrunched his nose, smiled a little and tried to sound convincing when he replied, “of course not, just one friend helping out another.”
“Right,” Kie nodded, swallowing hard and trying to remember to keep her breathing even. Something flooded through her body that made her heat up, skin burning, heart rate spiking.
“…buds, pals, bro’s,” JJ was rambling, his fingertips tapping out an inconsistent beat on his kneecap. He couldn’t keep still.
But the girl reached forward and grabbed at the brim of his hat and pulled it off of his head, freeing his wild hair and letting blonde flicks of it fall into his eyes. Kie let the hat drop to the side of them, smiled a little shy and motioned to it. JJ’s words died in his throat.
“Would’ve just gotten in the way, y’know?”
He could only nod, tried not to swear when Kie pushed herself forward again, nestled herself into the space between his knees and placed her palms there, fingertips grazing his thighs. They both stared at her hands, looking at them like they were going to burst into flames for daring to touch him in such a way.
They’d hugged, fallen asleep in a drunken pile between John B and Pope, and Kie tended to his broken knuckles and split lips on the regular. JJ would always hold out a hand when she needed one, danced with her on the deck of the boat and at parties when she just wanted strangers to leave her be.
But this was so different. God, it was so different that it hurt.
“Will I just,” Kie fumbled over her words, frowned a little and JJ’s hands twitched with the urge to smooth it away. “Will I just go for it?”
“Sure,” JJ was positive his voice had cracked and gone was the false bravado he tried so hard to keep in place, hiding his nerves, his excitement. “Go for it,” he whispered and he knew he was staring at her mouth, he couldn’t help it, couldn’t hide it.
“Remember, I want an honest review,” she told him, eyes a little wide and her hand curled around the skin just above his knee, “if it’s shit just tell me and-”
“Kie!” JJ huffed, impatient. His heart was thundering in his chest and he was sure if he let the girl sit so close to him for any longer, she’d surely hear it.
“God, okay, okay,” Kiara muttered, her hands suddenly shaking a little. She skated them up and down the boys thighs, wondered where the fuck to put them and she turned quiet and shy when she decided to raise them to JJ’s face. This was fine.
She placed delicate fingertips on either side of his jaw, trying not to react when it clenched under her touch. She smoothed them over the sharp line of it, let her palms cup at him and her fingers settled on his neck, brushing against messy strands of hair that were rough with sea salt. Her thumbs rubbed over his cheekbones and JJ felt heavy and weak.
“This okay?” Kie whispered, moving into him, slowly and cautiously.
The boy could only nod, eyes set on the girl's lips, watching the way she licked at her bottom one, letting them part a little as she came closer. His fingers found her knees that were tucked between his legs and he brushed his knuckles across them, let his hands rest on top of them, her warm skin searing him in a way he knew he’d still feel tomorrow.
She was so fucking close.
When he felt her nose nudge his own, his eyes flew shut and he was sure he tightened his grip on Kie’s leg, holding on for dear life. He felt like he was gonna float away, fall off the edge of a cliff, get slammed by a wave that was too big to catch.
Her lips brushed against his so soft, so gentle, it felt like a whisper. Another secret, his to keep. He could taste her lip balm that she always wore, mango and something, and god, he felt higher than he’d ever been.
She pulled away just barely, just enough for him to say no, to tell her to stop if he had changed his mind but no words came between them. So Kie kept her eyes shut, curled her fingers a little tighter into the boy's hair and pulled him back to her. She pressed deeper this time, let out a little gasp when her bottom lip melted between his own.
They kissed tentatively, slowly. An exploration of something so brand new and so familiar at the same time. She could taste the smoke that lingered on his lips, mint toothpaste and the raspberry smoothie she’d made him earlier when he’d shown up at The Wreck to simply keep her company.
Kie took the lead and the boy happily let her, the girl kissing him like she had something to prove. And fucking hell, he enjoyed every pass of her lips over his own. She kissed him with more confidence, deep and sure and JJ squeezed his eyes tighter at the feeling, ‘cause he was positive nothing had ever felt so fucking good.
Her lips felt like velvet on him and he let out a sigh that huffed over her cheeks, the fingers at the nape of his neck clutching at him a little harder in response. Kie let her tongue lick over the seam of his lips, just once, just a little before she caught herself, panicked and pulled away.
Kiara didn’t get far though. Her eyes had barely blinked open when JJ chased her kiss, surging forward to place a hand on the nape of her neck and pull her back towards him. She didn’t mean to fall into his lap, her legs splayed clumsily across his thighs. But his hands landed on her hips and held her there so she stayed, crushed her mouth back to JJ’s and felt her body light up when he groaned.
The hammock was swaying and Kie felt her stomach swoop at the sensation, but when she knew the feeling was more to do with JJ pressed up against her, a warm and solid body underneath her own.
Kie let out a gasp against him at the sound, at the way it vibrated through her with his chest pressed right up against her own. The boy took the opportunity to slip his tongue past her lips, let it pass over her own and JJ swore his eyes rolled back in his head when the girl reacted with nothing but enthusiasm.
His hand ran down her back, settled into the dip there just above her ass and he felt his hands shake a little when he brushed away the material of her shirt. JJ pressed his palm into her bare skin, let his rings drag cool over her and swore against her lips when she rocked over him in response. It was too much, it wasn’t enough and shit, what were they doing?
Kiara’s head was spinning.
The evening breeze had picked up, cooler without the sun above them but her skin was warm with excitement and something else, something that felt too dangerous to name. JJ’s hands roamed over her, holding her to him, encouraging her to move over him in a way that Kie knew she needed to stop.
But fuck, it felt good.
This is what she’d wanted, what she’d expected, from beer fuelled hook-ups at too busy parties, from vodka kisses from strange lips behind trees and up against cars. She was on edge, buzzing with something she hadn’t felt in a long time and JJ was the only thing she could hold onto.
The hammock swayed and tilted at their movements and the motion only caused Kie to press herself more tightly against the boy, JJ responding in turn by holding onto her with white knuckles.
He felt feverish.
And when Kiara took his bottom lip between her teeth, nipped a little and tugged at it gently, he was gone.
“Kie,” he rasped out, voice wrecked.
His chest was heaving and the girl pulled back at the sound of her name said in such a sinful way. She opened her eyes to see JJ in front of her, under her. His hair was a riot from her fingers that had grabbed at it, desperate and needy. His chest was trembling from their kiss, the soft material from his T-shirt brushing against her own, her bikini top allowing too much skin to be touched. She was on fire.
JJ looked at her with hooded eyes, pupils blown wide and his lips were red and kiss bitten. Kiara wanted to capture the image, bottle it for herself and hide it somewhere only she’d be ever able to find. He looked wild and Kie felt the same, she wanted to roll her hips again, grind herself down over his lap and not stop until he gave her reason to cry out his name.
Kiara looked at JJ and she felt greedy, possessive and it was such a strong, gut wrenching emotion that it scared her.
She let her fingers trail out from his blonde hair, tried to regain her breath, her bearings, everything. Her breath hitched when she moved off of his lap, felt his hard length drag between her thighs, watched him hiss out a string of curses at the feel and the loss of her.
JJ took his hands from where they were still wrapped around her waist, held at her hands when she grabbed at his fingers for balance. Kie shuffled backwards, didn’t feel like she was actually awake until her ass fell backwards onto the rough material of the hammock. It swayed them, gentle and steady and the silence that lay over them hummed in the air. It seemed like the cicadas had left with the sun, like everything living in the marshes had headed for the sea and the air was crackling with something dangerous.
She watched the boy swipe a hand through his hair and he thumbed at his bottom lip - his rings and blue eyes both glinting in the light coming from the moon. Kie hadn’t even realised that the evening had given way to night, her only thoughts running over the way JJ’s lips had felt on her own, how his teeth had nipped at her, his tongue had licked into her.
She ran her shaking hands over her knees, took her bottom lip between her teeth to chase the taste of him.
Fuck.
JJ’s voice was hoarse when he spoke and she hated how she loved it. Kie watched his Adam's apple bob, met his gaze when his eyes settled over her, hot, appreciative and completely surprised.
“Uh,” he cleared his throat, found his hat squished into the side of the hammock and jammed it back onto his head, hair wild and all over the place underneath it. “I, yeah, I don’t think you have anything to worry ‘bout, Kie.”
The girl nodded slowly and no matter how hard she tried, no matter how embarrassed she should have felt, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from JJ’s.
“Good to know,” she nudged her foot into his calf, “thanks for your, um, honest observations.”
JJ huffed out a laugh, lay back in the hammock and tried to get his heart rate under control as he looked through the tree branches to find the stars.
“Yeah, just call me Einstein.”
He heard Kie scoff but he knew she was smiling at his shit joke. He felt her copy his actions, felt the hammock shift as she lay down too, her body pressed up against his side in a way that it had done for years.
But it felt different now.