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Another dreadful day in National City. At least to Kara it is.
They were already halfway through the race, Nyxly and the Superfriends. This race that Kara hated so much. Every mission left her more hopeless and frustrated than the last, three steps behind Nyxly always.
The first totem left Kara a total wreck, she didn’t and still hadn’t the slightest clue on what courage she had lacked that day she became Supergirl - the one night she thought she had more courage than her entire life combined. Oh Rao, no matter how hard Kara tried, she couldn’t figure out what exactly it is the “courage” totem wanted in her. She saved countless men, caught a few dozen crimes around the city, even carried a whole plane on her back, and still it wasn’t it. The second totem she never personally dealt with but it has caused just as much havoc as the one before. And after the last totem, one she threw into the sun without giving much of a second thought, thinking it would be destroyed and thus saving the fate of the world, she was absolutely fried, mentally that is.
Every time, like this, Kara would be on verge of hitting rock-bottom, and Lena would be there. Lena with her soft smile and braided locks, her playful teasing Kara had grown so accustomed to, her encouraging words that echoed to Kara in her sleep even days after.
Sometimes, as Kara tuned in to Lena’s heartbeat at night, she thought of how lucky she is to have a friend like her. How she possibly would never survive these haunting days without her dear friend.
Friend. What an odd word to describe them.
Kara had never felt right, calling Lena and herself, friends; but whatever it is they have, she knew she never wanted it to go away.
Lena was right beside her, sleeping soundly in her bed, wavy hair brawled all over her thin silk pillow as she mumbled half-studied spells in her dreams. Ever since Lena came back from her soul-searching trip to Ireland, the two of them have made a habit of catching up late at night after their day in the tower, eating whatever food Kara wanted to fly home for them that day, then having Lena dozed off from exhaustion on Kara’s couch. Kara knew flying Lena back to her apartment was the obvious choice, but Lena always looked so peaceful and cute and Kara always decided against it, carrying Lena only to her own bed. The brunette never seemed to dislike the idea, even brought her own silk pillowcase over to sleep with, and Kara in all honesty, can’t say she could complain. She had nightmares often these days, suppressed memories from her time spent in the Phantom Zone haunting her dreams. But when Lena was here, mindlessly clinging to Kara’s arm as she slept, Kara allowed herself to listen to the heartbeat she knew all too well. Slow, peaceful and calming, and the nightmares from her personal hell were no more.
-
“Any luck finding Nyxly?” Kara peaked over Brainy’s shoulder, impatiently.
The two of them were the only one left waiting angstily for the evil imp’s appearance by the computers. Alex, Kelly and Esme had taken off for a family lunch, space-grandpa J’onn joining them to little Esme’s excitement, Lena was practicing new spells in the lab with Nia on her own mission to find the dream totem, dozing on a couch nearby.
“No.” The Coluan sighed.
Another set of heavy, stressful silence washed over them.
From the backroom, Lena busted in, obvious excitement in her eyes. “Guys, I think I found something that could help us.”
Suddenly, Kara wasn’t so down anymore, smiling from ear to ear. Whether it was because they finally have a way to find Nyxly or solely just because of the sight of Lena, she would never know. Or maybe she does, just not brave enough just yet to admit it…
“Look.” Lena placed her mother’s spell book down at the table. “Right here.”
(The old magic journal, in Lena’s hands, has slowly been covered in handwritten notes, modern highlighters and colorful post-its to please her own science mind.)
“This is a tracking spell, of sorts. The direction isn’t too hard and most of the materials I already found in the lab. Maybe if this works, we’d be able to find a totem before Nyxly does.”
Lena’s smile was beaming as she spoke and Kara’s heart melted a little at the sight. To see her dear friend so happy and confident in her magical ability after a full week of beating herself up over failed spells and messed up translations, mistakes that she called “un-Lena-like”, proud is quite the understatement.
“Lena, that’s amazing!” Kara grinned and Lena’s response was a chuckle, as the youngest Luthor ducked her head slightly to hide the faint blush creeping up her cheeks.
“Kara, it’s nothing. I’m just happy to help”
They sent each other another round of big idiotic smile, and out the corner of Kara’s eyes, Brainy was visibly holding onto the last strand of patience he has left.
It took Lena merely an hour to cook up all the shenanigans needed for the spell, carefully checking every step as she goes to ensure things won’t backfire on them again. She definitely learnt that the hard way last time. And Kara, who despite being utterly puzzled on what it is exactly that Lena was doing, spent the whole one hour staring at her friend. (There surely was no possible hetero explanation for her behavior but here we are.)
Adiuva nos invenire aliquid
Lena’s hand hovered over the beaker as she chanted the Latin phrase and the dark purple liquid beneath her palm suddenly turned bright gold and was no longer liquid, but instead a cluster of magic dust that flew straight out the balcony before any of them could even react.
“Supergirl!”
“I’m on it.”
And with that, Kara was gone.
The twinkly magic force led Kara directly to one place she never thought a totem would be in: the Fortress of Solitude. The Kryptonian mentally rolled her eyes. How did she not see this coming? How did she not think of this place? The one place that she knew held more artifacts, Krypton’s and Earth’s alike, than any museum in National City and yet her entire team of heroes did not once think of it.
The gold spark flew a full circle around an ice block then vanished into thin air.
“Guess this is it.” Kara shrugged. Then with hands securely on her hips, the blonde heat-visioned the giant ice block in half like it was the easiest thing to do.
The top half fell onto the floor with a loud thud, thankfully didn’t crack a thing nearby and the totem revealed itself glamorously on its new podium. This was a totem unlike any others Kara had seen before, presenting itself in the form of a rose gold ruby ring.
The Kryptonian traced her finger along the delicate stone on the ring, sliding it on her finger and as much as Kara wanted to admire the sophisticated piece of jewelry, time was a luxury she didn’t have.
“Cgyrzyx.”
Kara closed her eyes to let the totem speak to her.
To pass the gauntlet, you must bare your heart to the red string of fate and confess your one true love.
Kara’s eyes snapped open and she could feel her heart drop.
-
“So how did it go, Supergirl?”
Bombarded with the question as soon as she landed in the tower, Kara awkwardly stood up straight and lied. “Really well. Perfect. Couldn’t be better.”
Everyone, who were all back by the time Kara left to chase after Lena’s magic spark, looked at her empty hands, confused.
“You’re doing that thing you do.” Alex raised an eyebrow.
“What thing?”
“That thing you do when you lie, Kara.”
“No, I am not! I don’t do a thing when I lie, and I’m not lying. In fact, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.” Kara shook her head to emphasize her own words.
“Spill it.”
Everyone stared at Kara, except Esme, who was putting her best effort into making a flower with dream energy. A little trick Nia had taught her while Kara was looking for the totem. Kara sighed in defeat, raising her hand up to show the ring on her ring finger. It was the only one that fits.
“There, I found it.” Kara dropped her hand and sighed again, even more defeated than before. “But I don’t know how to pass the gauntlet on this one, and honestly, if I do know how, I don’t- I don’t think I can do it.”
Her eyes met Lena’s for the briefest of seconds as she spoke and Kara felt her stomach twist.
“Hey, whatever it is, we can help you figure it out together, like we’ve always had.” Alex smiled at her sister, as her hand left her girlfriend’s and landed on Kara’s back in an effort to reassure the Kryptonian. “So, what is it? What happened?”
“Well.. it said in order to pass the gauntlet I have to uhm.. confess to my true love.”
“Oh, I see.” Brainy chimed in, sliding his chair across the room to where Kara was standing. “Well, that is gonna be complicated, Mon-el went back with the Legion.”
“What? No!” Kara exclaimed, hints of disappointment clear in her voice. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you two still have something the last time he was here.”
“Some- Brainy, what are you talking about? Are you telling me I’ll be back with him in the future? What about Imra?” Kara sat down in defeat at this, her blue eyes tainted with pain as it flickered between Brainy and Lena.
“Sprocks.. Do you.. want to?” The Coluan felt his 12-level intellectual self short-circuited at Kara’s lack of an answer for a few too many seconds. “I don’t really know you personally in the future, Supergirl. Remember that. Your legacy I know very well, your love-life, not so much.”
“Oh thank Rao.”
“It is all still your choice..”
“...and the totem’s.” Kara’s breath of relief suddenly wasn’t so full of relief anymore as another wave of fear washed over her.
“So who is it then?” The question echoed from the back of the room, where Nia, who has been attending to Esme ever since Kara got back from the fortress, was sitting, still in the middle of their lesson on dream energy. Clearly, the duo seemed to have been listening in.
Kara tensed up slightly, as she felt everyone’s eyes on her, and looked down, embarrassed.
Rao, what were they expecting her to do? Look at her best friend in the whole world right now and confess? Tell Lena their whole 5 years of friendship was just a long excruciating journey of Kara falling hopelessly in love every day? Because if that was what they thought would happen, Kara didn’t exactly have the guts to do it.
What if Lena said no?
What if Lena said yes?
Oh fuck, what if Lena said yes and the totem said no?
Rao knows that the only person Kara wanted the answer to this to be, is Lena Luthor. And even the thought of it not being Lena, hurt more than any battle wound ever could. It had to be Lena, it had to, or suddenly the world wouldn't feel like it’s worth saving anymore; and this coming from Earth’s hero herself.
Kara’s train of thought was cut off by Esme’s voice. “Mama, how does it feel to be in love?”
If anyone is a hero tonight, it would be that child.
Everyone’s focus instantly left Kara and shifted to the kid. Almost everyone, that is. But a certain brunette’s gaze, which has not left Kara since she set foot in the room, is too much to bear at this very moment, and even if it pained Kara tremendously, she chose to ignore it.
“It’s like… It’s magical.” Kelly walked towards her adopted baby with the softest smile on her face. “It makes you feel so powerful yet vulnerable at the same time, and you want to be with that person all the time. They’re all you can think about and uhm.. your heart would beat really fast when you’re around them.”
“Is that how you feel when you’re with mama Alex?” Esme, who was then moved onto Kelly’s lap, looked at both of her mothers.
Kelly looked at her girlfriend and smiled, nodding softly with her eyes filled with adoration and love. “It is, darling. It is.”
“That’s funny.” Esme giggled, then whispered to her mom. “When auntie Kara and auntie Lena look at each other, their hearts also start beating really fast.”
Alex smirked with a funny eyebrow raised and Kelly tried to hold in her laugh.
Kara froze.
5 years of hiding her damn feelings and it didn’t take more than 5 minutes for a toddler to notice her biggest secret. Thank you, super hearing.
“I- I gotta go.” The Girl of Steel’s panic didn’t go unnoticed, definitely not by Lena, whose heart bleed as she watched Kara fly away.
-
The thing is Kara couldn’t stop thinking about what happened in the tower, about what Esme said, even after 7 rounds of mindlessly patrolling the city.
Maybe she was right. Kara’s heart really does beat very fast when she’s around Lena. And maybe if Esme was right, Lena’s does too. Maybe.
What Kara does know for a fact, is that Lena is one of the most, if not the most, important people in her life. Lena is the first person she thinks about when she wakes up and the one who lingers on her mind before she falls into her slumber every night. She’s the one who always makes her smile, her perfect partner at a game night. The one who always knows what’s on her mind, well most of the time, and who makes her feel butterflies in her stomach of steel. Most importantly, Kara could be just herself around Lena, plain and simple and boring Kara but just Kara.
She feels at home when she’s with Lena.
Lena Luthor is her home.
-
It was many hours later that any of the Superfriends saw Kara again that day. As the sun began to set over the horizon of National City, Kara’s flying silhouette was hovering out the Danvers-Olsen household’s balcony. There was a soft knock at the door and Alex opened it a few minutes later.
“You know it’s never locked right?”
Of course, Alex knew not to lock the door to her sister’s favorite, but absolutely not ordinary entrance.
“I know.” Kara smiled. “I didn’t wanna come in to you guys jacking off on the counter.”
There was effort but the joke didn’t reach her sister’s eyes, so Alex only shook her head disapprovingly before letting Kara in.
“Where’s Esme?”
“In her room. She’s reading a book with Kelly, something with.. bears.” Alex flopped onto the couch after the blonde strudged in, eyeing her sister who was, for some reason, still standing. “Kara, we both know you didn’t come to talk about my daughter.”
The Kryptonian only sighed and put her head down. Alex patted the spot next to her. “Come here. Talk to me.”
It wasn’t until Kara had settled on the couch properly, half-facing Alex that the elder Danvers voiced her concern. “This is about Lena, isn’t it?”
“How did you know?”
“I’m your sister, Kara. And I’m also not stupid. You two are not as subtle as you think, even a 5-year-old could figure it out.” Kara pouts at this.
The Kryptonian sighed again, this time with half a sad smile. “I just want it to be her so bad. Alex, all I’ve ever wanted was for it to be her. The totem said “love” and all I could see was her.”
“Do you love her?”
“But what if the totem said I failed, that would mean we’re not right for each other and I-”
“Kara, do you love her?”
“I do.”
“Then tell her you love her.”
“But, Alex, the totem-”
“Fuck the totem.”
“What?” Kara looked at her sister in disbelief.
“I said fuck the totem, Kara.” Alex repeated herself like it was the most obvious thing. “You have been pining on this woman for years, you believed her always and you literally would rather save her than the rest of the world.”
“I-”
Alex raised a finger at her sister. “Don’t even argue with me on this, you know I’m right. You did this before.”
“The point is.. you get to choose the love of your life, Kara. You. Not a lousy totem.” She tapped on the ring on Kara’s finger, raising her eyebrows just a tad. “If you love her, you tell her.”
Alex smiled at Kara and the frown turned into a slight smile. “And for fucksake do it soon because that girl has been all over you.”
Earned her a chuckle this time. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” The older Danvers wrapped her arms around her sister and Kara hugged back, tightly, smiles visible on their faces. As they pulled apart though, Kara’s turned into a nervous smile.
Now that Alex has pep-talked her into telling Lena, she has to go through the process of actually doing it, which is ten times more nerve-wracking than she thought it would be.
-
Kara wasn’t the only one pondering over love in National City this cold night. Away from the “rent-controlled” side of town, in her own lifeless apartment, Lena Luthor was buried in her own thoughts.
Lena has always known her love for Kara. She saw that dorky reporter in her office one stressful day 5 years back and her heart was sold. She would give anything and everything for that woman, even when she hurt her and lied about her identity because Lena loves her, so much so that it hurts sometimes.
Then one moment Lena just had her best friend back, and the other she was already gone from her grasp. Lena hated every second of it, every second being away from Kara, she hated feeling hopeless and uncertain on whether she would ever see the love of her life again. She tried, of course, because that is what Kara taught her to do but she hated it nonetheless.
Lena loves her so much that it hurts sometimes.
The brunette mindlessly swirled the glass of expensive red in hand and took a sip, eyes closed as the bitter aftertaste took over her mind.
She would be so pissed if she spilt wine on Kara’s National City University sweatshirt she had on.
Lena thought of the series of events from earlier that day. She thought of the gauntlet, the totem of love, of how flustered Kara was at the task at hand, of what Esme said about them and how Kara bolted quicker than even humanly possible. She thought of how her heart broke.
Before all this, she really thought Kara likes her. All the little things she did for Lena just seemed so damn obvious. The girl had always liked her, even when no one else did. She always believed that Lena was a good person and had good intentions, even when she shouldn’t have. She’s always been on her side, and was always there when she needed a friend. When she was freshly back from the Phantom Zone, they pulled out of their long overdue hug and Kara leaned in. It was only 8 degrees, more or less, if her deceiving scientific brain wasn’t wrong. But holy hell, Kara leaned in.
Kara leaned in.
And now, she couldn’t run away from Lena fast enough, it seemed.
Lena trusted Esme when the girl said her aunties’ hearts beat really fast around each other. She knew hers does and she trusted that Kara’s does too. But what’s the point of being in love if you’re just going to run away from it? Honestly, what’s the point of anything at all?
The brunette sighed, as she downed the rest of her glass, fully knowing the bitterness on the tip of her tongue had nothing to do with the wine.
If this was a movie, Kara would be standing right out that window by now.
Lena turned away from the windows, pouring an outrageous amount of red into her glass, her body already tingling from how much she had to drink. It wasn’t easy to get a Luthor drunk, particularly hard when it’s Lena Luthor herself, but with her lonely mind on a night where the totem of love is somewhere here in the city, downright knocked out from alcohol didn’t sound so bad.
She took a sip before turning back to sit on the couch and a glimpse of a flying human caught her eyes.
Kara.
Her eyes met blue ones and that soft smile made her inside vibrate more than any amount of alcohol ever could. Butterflies, that’s what people called this.
Kara knocked on her window silently and it took everything in Lena not to run her way to the window. She opened the side door to let Kara awkwardly enter. That was when Lena noticed it. Kara wasn’t in her super suit, one she has been literally living in ever since she got back from the Phantom Zone, in fear that if anything goes down, she won’t be fast enough on scene. She was just Kara. Her Kara.
“You weren’t at the apartment.” Kara whispered, her gaze refused to leave Lena even for a moment.
“I didn’t have a reason to.”
“I just- I thought we were doing movie night.. again.” With her head down, Kara suddenly found the two weirdly placed nails in Lena’s floorboard extremely interesting. A million-dollar apartment should have construction like this, should it? (Honestly, as broke as Kara is compared to Lena, the girl wouldn’t have the slightest clue.)
“You ran away, Kara!” Lena snapped quietly, her anger choked mid-sentence and all that came out were heartbroken whispers.
“I know, I did. I’m sorry…”
Kara’s apologetic gaze on her was overwhelming and Lena wanted nothing more than for Kara to just cut the chase already. They both knew Lena’s lack of appearance at the cozy little “cave” Kara owns isn’t the main reason any of them were here. Kara has something to say, and so does Lena. So, if the clueless Kryptonian wouldn’t do it, Lena might as well save herself the weight of her own mind.
“I love you.”
“What?”
“I love you, Kara. I love you and the moment I thought you loved me back, you ran away.” The reaction she’s getting stung a little. “Do you know how much it hurts?”
Kara’s eyes soften at this. She was so trapped in her own mind before. Rao, how did she not see it? How did she not see that Lena was hurting because of what she has done? How did she-
“I love you, too.”
“You- You do?” Lena might have complained too soon about Kara's reaction. They really have to work on their trust issues after all of this is over.
“Of course, I do. I mean, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before but.. it’s you. It’s always been you. When I’m with you, I don’t have to be the world-saving superhero or the poor little Kryptonian who lost her world, because that’s how everyone sees me, but not you. When I’m with you, I’m just Kara. Your Kara.”
Every step Kara took towards Lena was another closer to her heart. Kara’s hand caressed Lena’s cheek, gently tracing along her jawline and it took Lena everything not to succumb to the warmth of her touch.
How can someone with the ability to snap a car in half their bare hands be this gentle, this delicate?
And as Kara spoke again, Lena was terribly afraid all her walls would be coming down for a certain blonde. “You, Lena, amazed me every step of the way. I hurt you and expected you to hurt me back but at every turn you came through. You and your brilliant mind, and your kind heart, and your beautiful soul and just.. you, Lena. And I-”
The brunette interrupted the rant abruptly, her hands grabbing Kara’s face and lips already on the Kryptonian’s. Kara wanted to say more, Lena knew that, but whatever the blonde had in mind had to wait.
Eventually their heated, long overdue kiss broke apart and Lena’s forest green orbs met blue ones.
“And you what-?” Lena breathed out, her inside’s a complete mess overwhelmed with love
“And I can’t bear to spend any more second not calling you mine.”
“You cheesy idiot.” Lena shoved Kara’s shoulder lightly, but was already brimming with tears. The thought was being loved was foreign language to the young Luthor for so many years, the thought of being loved this much, by Kara Danvers herself...
“Yea but I’m your cheesy idiot.” Kara chuckled, wiping away Lena’s rare tears with her thumb.
The two of them giggled as they led one another to Lena’s untouched bedroom, one soon would become another sacred place of theirs. And the totem, fully activated in its true form of a pink heart-shaped quartz, remained on the cold floor of the living room. Forgotten, for now.