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“I can’t believe we’re seriously doing this.” Dean grumbled, pulling a face at his friend who was smirking at him from the screen of his laptop. “What are we, twelve?”
Charlie chastised him by clicking her tongue and narrowing her eyes at him in warning. Or so Dean thought; the questionable quality of the webcam made it hard to tell if she was actually squinting at him, or simply blinking.
“No, we’re not twelve, but you’re not twenty anymore either.” Charlie crudely reminded him. “And if you don’t get your shit together, you’ll be fifty by the time you’re finally ready to tell Cas how you feel about him.”
“If I even live to see that age.” Dean muttered under his breath.
“I heard that. You must be so much fun at parties.” Charlie retorted sarcastically.
Dean flipped her the bird, but she merely laughed and ignored him.
“Come on, do you want to get yourself some sweet angel-loving or not, huh?” The grin that threatened to split her face in two as she said ‘angel-loving’, made Dean suspect that she was enjoying this way more than she should.
Maybe confessing his feelings for Cas to her over the phone last night hadn’t been one of Dean’s brighter ideas. He blamed those two glasses of whiskey, along with the fact that he’d gotten tired of trying to hide whatever the hell it was that he felt for his angelic friend. He’d been dying to for once spill his guts to someone, anyone, and Charlie had seemed the more reasonable option.
What Dean hadn’t counted on, was Charlie being Charlie. Because of-freaking-course she wouldn’t let Dean get away with dropping a bomb like that, then simply going on with his life the same way he had for years now. Instead, she had acted like some kind of self-help guru, insisting on helping Dean to get the message across to Cas. Yup, once Charlie set her mind on something, telling her ‘no’ was not within the realm of possibilities.
“Alright, ready to get on with it, Casanova?” She asked, the corners of her mouth twitching again.
Dean replied her with a grunt and a nod. He felt a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude at what she was about to make him do, and he self-consciously glanced around the bunker’s library, even though he knew Sam had left for the grocery store twenty minutes ago.
“Good! Now first of all, pretend I’m Cas.” She instructed, theatrically batting her eyelashes at him.
Taking a deep breath, Dean focused fully on the screen. He could do it. After all, he’d done many things that were a hell of a lot more scary than this. Charlie rewarded him with a smile of encouragement.
“Okay, so it’s just the two of us, and you have something you need to tell me. Show me how you would start the conversation.” She directed, giving Dean a thumbs up.
Dean scratched the back of his neck, trying to buy some time.
“I- I’d say-”
“No!” Charlie cut him off. “Say it like you’re talking directly to him. I’m Cas, remember?”
“Right…” Dean sighed, cleared his throat, then started over. “Look, Cas, buddy-”
Charlie’s frustrated groan didn’t let him get any further than that, and she dramatically raked a hand through her already disheveled red hair. “No, Dean. Enough with the buddy stuff. You don’t want him to be your buddy, that is the entire point of this exercise! Tell him what you told me last night! How he makes you feel, how much you enjoy being near him.”
Despite her good intentions, Dean glared at her through the webcam. She defensively held up her hands. “Look, I’m only trying to help you here. One more time, let your heart speak, not your brain. Okay, maybe some brain, but not too much, stop overthinking this.”
Dean inhaled deeply, rubbing his forehead. Take three. Even though it was Charlie’s face on the screen, he tried to picture Cas this time, standing right in front of him. He tried to picture the familiar blue eyes that he loved. He thought of all the things he wanted to tell the angel, trying to convert his thoughts into plausible sentences.
“Cas… You and I… We’ve been through a lot together, man. And there’s something I need to get off my chest, because if I don’t I will regret it forever. I know that I’ve said it so many times, but when I say I need you… I mean it in every way possible.”
Charlie’s smile and small nod motivated Dean to keep talking.
“So Cas, I need you to be with me, and stay with me. I need you to be my friend, but even more I need you to… I need you to love me, like I love- I mean need, you. And I know I suck at the whole expressing feelings thing, but please know that I mean it. I want to do dumb chick flick things, like hold your hand, and kiss you, and all that other mushy stuff. And I don’t care if you sleep or not, but I want you to fill the empty space in my bed from time to time. And Cas, I…”
Dean paused in the middle of his speech when he noticed how Charlie’s serene smile abruptly faded, turning into a silent gasp of horror.
“Was… Was that too much?” Dean questioned, wondering what was causing his friend to turn as pale as a sheet all of the sudden.
Charlie slowly shook her head, eyes wide. “Ehm Dean, we’ve got company.” She squeaked, cocking her head to Dean’s left.
Dean’s heart stilled, and he jerked his head to the left, looking over his shoulder, expecting to see Sam. But standing in the doorway was Castiel, his face resembling the shock that Dean had just now seen on Charlie’s face. Just Dean’s luck. Naturally, the angel had chosen this exact moment to drop by and check on him.
Before Dean even had a chance to utter a word, Charlie was already babbling at him through the laptop’s speaker. “Okay, this has been fun, but I just remembered I’m supposed to meet my LARP friends in ten. See ya, and good luck!”
Dean’s goodbye was pointless, seeing as Charlie had already ended the call. Some friend, bailing in the heat of the moment. He dazedly glanced back at the now empty screen, then realized that Cas was still very much there. He rushed up from his chair, turning to face the angel, who was still looking a little stunned.
“Dean…”
A shiver ran down Dean’s spine at the sound of that deep voice murmuring his name, caressing it as if it was something precious and valuable.
“Did you mean it? The things you just said?” Cas got straight to the point, as he was known to do.
Being the coward that he was when it came to talking about feelings, Dean wanted nothing more than to look away, to stare at his shoes, or basically anywhere but at Cas. But those blue eyes wouldn’t let him, as if they had some sort of invisible hold on him.
“Would you smite me if I did?” Dean asked dryly, as always relying on jokes whenever a talk got too serious.
But Castiel saw right through that, stepping forward, closing the distance between them.
“Oh, Dean…” He said quietly, pulling Dean into his arms without another word.
Dean was baffled, but melted into the hug soon enough, hiding his face against Cas’ neck. He reveled in the touch, even if it was so simple, maybe something even good friends could do.
He knew the difference when Cas pressed a light kiss to his jaw, followed by another one against his cheek. He knew the difference when Cas’ elegant fingers rubbed gently patterns into his lower back. And most of all, he knew the difference when Cas whispered in his ear.
“Just so that we’re clear on this… I do love you, like you need me.”
The best thing about Cas, was that he didn’t force the crucial word out of Dean’s mouth, whereas other lovers would have. Which was exactly why Dean did whisper the word into Cas’ ear later that night, on his own terms, when they shared Dean’s bed for the very first time.