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When Kyle approached Stan with the idea of forming a band he imagined something amazing, thrilling. Something that would make the musical passion inside him burn, something that would bring him euphoria, as well as misery.
Sweaty concerts and music writing sessions. Opening up to strangers, showing his vulnerabilities through his songs. Disagreements over the direction of the band, exploring which rock sub-genre fit them best, choosing an aesthetic for them. Typical band stuff.
Basically, great times and unforgettable experiences. He definitely didn't expect…
...This.
“You completely missed the note, Kyle!” Cartman turned towards the guitarist, mic in hand.
Kyle, already in a sour mood, glared at him. “Oh, yeah? Well, you missed the entire fucking song!”
“No, I didn’t?!”
“Yes, you did! Your singing was completely off!” Kyle insisted with irritation.
Skeptical, Cartman turned to the sole person watching their rehearsal. “Was my singing off, Butters?”
Butters, seemingly thrown off, shook his head. “Nuh-no, I don’t think it was, Eric! I think you were great!”
“See?” The brunette was smug.
“Why the fuck does Butters’ opinion matter?! He’s not even a member of the band!”
Stan was only half paying attention to the argument but he had to agree with Kyle. Butters’ opinion didn’t matter whatsoever. However, it was also true that Cartman was not off key and that it was Kyle the one that ruined the intro. Not that he planned to interfere.
“Oh!” Cartman pointed a victorious finger at Kyle. “I see how it is! You’re just jealous that Butters is supporting me!”
“Huh?!” Kyle was livid.
“You’re mad that Butters is on my side and that no one is in yours!”
“No, you stupid asshole! I’m mad that you brought your fucking booty call to band rehearsal!” The redhead took a step forward as he yelled.
“This again.” Cartman rolled his eyes. “Why are you so mad I fucked Butters?”
“Because you cheated on me?!” With perfect timing, Kenny played the snare drum, followed by the cymbal, giving a comedic tone to Kyle’s rebuttal.
Cartman frowned at his friend before turning to Kyle. “I didn’t cheat on you! You broke up with me, so Butters was my rebound!”
The blond appeared stressed by the situation, raising his hands to call for peace. “Fellas…”
“You didn’t even wait!” Kyle countered. “It’s like you wanted it to happen!”
“W-Wanted it?!” If the way Cartman’s face was growing red was anything to go by, then it appeared like he was offended by the accusation. “You broke up with me on our anniversary, Kyle! I should be the one saying that you wanted it! Wanted to break my heart!”
“I was going through stuff! You wouldn’t understand!” Kyle attempted to justify himself, shutting his eyes in frustration.
“What the fuck is there to understand?! You’re a fucking snake!” This time Cartman was the one stepping in Kyle’s direction.
“That’s it! I’m out!” Stan announced, leaving his bass on the ground. Kyle and Cartman, scowling in uncomfortable proximity to each other, didn’t seem to care. He glanced at Kenny, comfortably settled in the drummer seat watching the shitshow. “Are you coming, Ken?”
“Oh, sure!” His friend stood up, giving the messy trio one last look. “You guys need to tell me if you end up having a threesome or something, I gotta see that.”
“Shut up, Kenny!” The bickering couple yelled in unison.
“Hahaha, let’s go.” Kenny said and they exited Stan’s garage.
“I’m so fucking tired of them!” Stan complained as they searched for a spot on the sidewalk to sit on.
“I mean…” Kenny shrugged while collapsing onto the pavement. “It’s free entertainment.” Stan gave him a judgemental stare. “They’re kinda funny, okay?”
“If you haven’t heard them bickering your entire life, maybe.” Stan pouted, hand on his cheek.
“They’re evolving, though. At least now they admit they have feelings for each other.” The blond argued.
“But make it everyone’s problem?! How is that any better?!” Stan didn’t notice he had raised his voice until he saw Kenny’s surprised gaze. “Sorry.” He apologized with a lowered head.
“You seem really angry about this.” Kenny finally declared.
“Well, yeah!” Stan kicked the air. “This is not what I had in mind when Kyle talked about starting a band!”
“Not glamorous enough for you?” His friend teased him.
“Every big band has drama, obviously....” Stan rolled his eyes. “But there has to be music involved in the first place! We’ve barely written one song! And it’s been a fucking month!” He growled in frustration.
“Yeah...I have to admit...Kyle and Cartman breaking up shortly after it was formed wasn’t the best start…”
“Tell me about it.” The black haired teen sighed. “We should get Crimson Dawn together again.”
“Sounds good…” Kenny raised his eyes to the sky. “That means we’d have to get Butters, though.”
Audibly scoffing, Stan retorted. “Fuck Butters. I don’t want any of that drama in my band.”
“Your band, huh?”
“Crimson Dawn is a much better name than too! What the fuck is 'Arch Rivals to Lovers'?! That's so goddamn cheesy! Should have known that anything Kyle and Cartman came up with would suck!”
“I think it’s hilarious.”
“They didn’t even ask if I was okay with it! They just rolled along like my opinion didn’t matter! Also, why the hell is Kyle the guitarist anyway? He can barely play the F chord!”
“Is this about the guitar, then?”
“Actually, why is Cartman the vocalist? I have a good range for rock songs but Kyle didn’t even want to listen to me! They’re both protecting each other so they could snatch the best spots!”
“You’re not happy being the bassist?”
“It doesn’t even work from a strategic point because the frontman gets the most attention! Will people even want to come see us if our frontman is a fat asshole?!”
“...In other words, you’re mad this isn’t about you.”
“Ye- No!” He turned to find his buddy giggling at him. “Don’t make fun of me, Kenny!” He demanded with a frown.
“Okay, okay.” Kenny sobered up, the smile still on his face. “Will you calm down if I bring your guitar?”
Taken aback by the proposition, Stan crossed his arms over his knees. “Maybe.” He mumbled, flustered.
“Got it!” Kenny got up. “Where is it?”
“In...my room…” Stan buried his face in his legs.
“Alright! Be right back then!” He heard Kenny say before walking away.
Unmoving, he watched the asphalt underneath him. Okay, maybe he was acting a bit like a child although it was to be expected. From the beginning, Kyle and Cartman had been screwing him over with their decision making. This was only the culmination of his anger. Cartman would be better as a drummer anyway. He should have more strength for it. And Kyle would fit as a bassist. Yeah, that’d be better for the future of the band. Stan being the vocalist was simply the right thing. It wasn’t about his ego or anything. It just made sense.
Stan felt something poke his arm. “Here you go.” He looked up to see Kenny handing him the guitar.
“Thanks.” He grabbed the instrument and almost immediately started feeling better. His one and only. She was always there for him. Wordlessly, he began tuning it as Kenny returned to his side.
“I’ve had this guitar ever since I was 8.” He smiled while running his fingers through the stringers. “She’s the only one for me.”
“Even more than Wendy?” Kenny asked playfully.
The teen snorted. “Wendy’s gonna dump me the second high school is over.” He stared at his guitar fondly. “But she’ll never leave me.”
“You don’t mind?”
“I used to be really upset about it.” Stan admitted. “She’s the only girl I’ve ever loved. The only girlfriend I’ve had…” With a bittersweet smile, he continued. “I mean, I’m definitely gonna be destroyed once she breaks up with me but…I think I’ll be okay…”
There was an awkward silence so he peered at his friend, worried his response was a tad bit too gay and Kenny would laugh at him. Instead, Stan found him agape.
“...Kenny?
Upon being called, the aforementioned shook his head. “Sorry, I just…” He seemed a little dazed still. “You’ve really grown, Stan.”
Taken aback, Stan tilted his head. “Thanks?”
“Also, you sound like Butters.” Kenny added with a sneer.
“Woah. Low blow.” Stan furrowed his brows before joining in the laughter. “Honestly, I think Butters sometimes can have some pretty good advice...but then…”
“He fucks Cartman and you wonder if you were an idiot for ever listening to him?”
“....Yeah.” Stan accepted and they broke into cackling. “I mean, what the hell is wrong with Kyle and Butters anyway? Fighting over Cartman? Seriously?”
“Beats me.” Kenny kept chuckling. “Is he really that good of a lay?!”
“Ew!” Stan elbowed him in distress, albeit slightly amused. “I don’t wanna think about that!” He went back to his guitar, strumming aimlessly.
In the comfortable calmness, he could faintly make out Kenny humming to his playing. It was very soft, nearly inaudible, yet it was certainly there. The quietest vocalizing of notes Stan had heard in a while.
“Wait.” His fingers stopped. “I don’t think I’ve heard you sing since like, elementary school or something.”
Raising his eyebrows, Kenny opened his mouth. “So?”
“So I wanna hear it.” Stan continued. The blond appeared reluctant. “Please? Didn’t you try to be an opera singer at some point? It can’t be bad.”
“Fine.” Kenny accepted. “Only because you’re mad about the band.” Without giving Stan a chance to reply, he gestured at the guitar. “Give me that.”
“Playing too? Thanks for the show, Ken.” The other commented with sarcasm.
“Shut up.” His friend grinned and started playing a gentle, repetitive melody. It should be about three chords played in succession, Stan noted. A few seconds in, Kenny began singing. It wasn’t really any particular lyrics, just him going ‘Lalala’ over and over. And yet.
And yet...
Stan found himself captivated by his voice, the tender quality of it. It was soothing and melancholic at the same time, just like the melody he was playing. Like something that couldn’t be attained, an eternal dissatisfaction smoothed over by ordinariness. It wasn’t quite unhappiness, however, it was surely not happiness. A quiet resignation that didn’t want to completely submit itself. That made Stan’s chest ache.
“Life...on earth…is changing…” Were the first words Kenny sang. “Life...on earth…is ending…” He kept. “In time…on earth...is ending....” His head was raised a little, allowing Stan to see his face better. “In time...on earth...is changing...” Their eyes met and Kenny smiled as the chord progression changed a little. After a few, he came to a stop, clearly feeling some shyness. “That’s it.” He concluded.
At first, Stan didn’t know exactly what to say. He didn’t expect Kenny to be a bad singer by any means, however, he wasn’t expecting this either. It didn’t often happen to him to find a voice that made him feel so strongly just from listening to it. Musically, he felt like he had fallen in love with Kenny just now. “Wow.” He eventually let out.
“That bad?” Kenny chuckled.
“Are you kidding me?” Stan’s eyes opened like saucers. “Dude, you should totally be the singer! I-I’ll make you the singer!” He stammered. “We’ll reform Crimson Dawn and you’ll be the vocalist! We have to, dude!” The teen stood up, suddenly confident. “We’re gonna be huge! Everyone’s gonna want to listen to you! Come on, let’s kick those idiots out of my garage and start practicing! Come on!”
He turned to Kenny and saw he hadn’t moved at all, staring at him with amusement with the guitar resting in his lap.
“You’re not coming?”
“Stan…” Kenny smiled and it had the same gentleness of his singing. “I’m not singing for everyone, only for you.”
In a very comedical fashion, Stan’s jaw dropped over the replication. For him? Why just for him? “What do you-”
“I can’t fucking take it!” Kyle yelled behind him. “I can’t stand him!” Stan saw him walk in front of him and then flump noisily right between Kenny and him. “He’s the fucking worst!”
“Kyle.” He talked first. “Kenny and I were-”
“Why would he do this, Stan?” His best friend interrupted him, too distressed by his own problems to read the atmosphere. “It’s like he’s trying to drive me crazy!”
Oh, so it was going to be like that.
“He probably is.” Stan deadpanned. “Like he always has.” He paused. “Your entire life.”
“But this time is different!” Kyle cried out in distress and Kenny returned his attention to the guitar. “This time he knows exactly how to get me! He obviously brought Butters to rehearsal to make me jealous!”
“Definitely.” Stan sat back down, lifeless.
“He wants to show off how good he’s doing without me! How he doesn’t need me because he has that stupid dumbass! As if! It’s fucking bullshit is what it is!” Kyle furiously ranted.
“Mhm.”
“Why did I have to get involved with that fucking fatass? He’s just a manipulative asshole! I deserve better! I’m a good person, right?” He looked over at Stan for reassurance.
“Right.” Stan’s tone was flirting with sarcasm yet his friend completely missed it.
“So why is this happening to me?! I did everything right! I’m a good student and a good son and a good friend and…” He rested his forehead on his hands in pure despair. “I should be dating a nice girl or something! Having a good and healthy relationship! Studying together and…”
“But you don’t want that.” Stan stated.
“Huh?” Kyle turned to him, bewilderment all over his face.
“You don’t want that.” Stan repeated, his gaze half-lidded.
“W-What do you mean?” The redhead laughed hysterically. “Of course I want that, Stan! Who wouldn’t want a normal and enjoyable life? Without having to worry your ex is trying to kill you or…worse, destroy your sanity?” He grimaced deliriously. “What kind of person wouldn't want a life like that?”
“You.” Stan declared with boredom.
Kyle blinked. “Stan, stop joking that’s-”
“I’m not fucking joking, Kyle.” The aforementioned was impassive. “You’re the one that broke up with him and now you’re mad he’s involved with someone else. Why? It was your choice to end things.”
“Yeah!” Kyle was ready to defend himself. “Because he’s-”
“Instead of moving on, you’re fixating on what he’s doing and who he's doing it with. That’s none of your business anymore, is it?”
“B-But he’s trying to-”
“Cartman was a fuckup, is a fuckup and will always be a fuckup. You know this, we all do. There’s nothing that can be done about that. You’re beating on a dead horse and complaining it won’t move. Pretty stupid for someone as smart as you.”
“...I thought I could-”
“Admit it, Kyle, you’re fixated with the person that’s been making you miserable for most of your life. You don’t want a nice girl to spend time with or else you would be looking for that right now.”
Worried, Kyle asked. “What do you mean?”
Stan exhaled. “You want him. You want Cartman because you’re in love with him. And you don’t want to admit because that would mean you’re not the good person you thought you were. You don’t want to accept the fact that you’re crazy in love with a putrid piece of shit. You don’t want to come to terms that you don’t want anybody else and it’s killing you inside.”
The ginger had the exact same appearance of a convict that had just received his death sentence. He casted his gaze downwards, devastated by the words. Kenny had stopped playing, currently paying attention to the exchange. Kyle began mumbling something unintelligible, giving the impression his soul was leaving his body. Stan felt certain satisfaction although not enough.
“So what’s it’s gonna be, Kyle?!” He exclaimed, startling his friend. “Are you gonna let the dumbest guy we know steal your boyfriend while you sit and whine or are you going to fucking do something about it?” He tapped his right foot for emphasis.
Slowly recomposing himself, Kyle nodded. “I’m gonna…” He got up rather erratically. “I’m gonna...I will…” Without any further explanation, he headed back to the garage, his determination growing stronger the closer he got.
Curiosity having gotten the better of him, Stan stood up to get a better view of what was going to happen. And so did Kenny. By the time Kyle had arrived at the garage, he was giving strides towards Cartman.
“Kyle, what are you-” The fat boy was in the middle of speaking when Kyle grabbed him by the neckline of his shirt. Evidently, he was told something they couldn’t hear because his eyes widened from shock. And, then, Kyle closed the gap between them with a kiss, which was reciprocated on the spot. Soon enough, they were making out against the wall, under Butters’ curious stare.
“Ugh.” Stan gesticulated as he turned away.
“You know you could’ve done that...5 years ago, right?” Kenny remarked as returned to the pavement.
“Guess I wasn’t angry enough.” Stan shrugged. “Can’t believe it worked, though...I just had to yell at him? Jesus…” He shook his head.
“I think that it’s exactly because you always go along with his bullshit that it impressed him so much.” Kenny elucidated, as he rested his cheek on his crossed arms. “You saw through him, after all.”
“Maybe so…” Stan’s wandering eyes landed on Kenny and he was reminded where the conversation was going before Kyle’s interruption. “I still think we should get together.” He asserted. The blond watched him with skepticism. “A-As a band, I mean!” He clarified, realizing how odd that must have sounded. “Maybe a duo?”
“A duo?” Kenny moved his head a little, to view his friend better. “What would our name be?”
“I actually came up with a name for this band…I guess we could use it for us…” He couldn’t help puffing up with pride as he recited. “Stuck in Fourth Grade.”
“Stuck in Fourth Grade?” Kenny’s expression denoted curiosity.
“Yeah, because that’s how it feels in this town, right?” Stan had mulled over the name for weeks so he was prepared to defend it. “The years pass but nothing really changes. On the surface, things can appear to be evolving, however, at their core, they remain the same. Like we’re stuck in time. Stuck in Fourth Grade.” Finished with his speech, he eyed Kenny, awaiting his reaction.
“That’s...a pretty accurate name, honestly.” Kenny nodded, like he was in deep thought.
“Right?” Stan was elated. “It really feels like time hasn’t moved since fourth grade.”
“Some things have changed, though.” The other pointed, his gaze brimming with nostalgia as he contemplated Stan.
A bit embarrassed, Stan averted his gaze. “I guess so…” He mumbled, cheeks growing pink.
“Overall, I agree, though.” Kenny stretched his arms lazily. “This town is fucking cursed.”
“Totally…” The boy agreed as the flusteredness washed away. “So, what do you say? You’re in?”
Kenny covered his mouth with his fist as he chortled merrily. When he was finished, he looked over at Stan with cheerfulness. “I guess I could be.”