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At the time, Robert had been unable to tell if that particular design had been an offering to a god – a god that was not his god, and that he did not dare worship despite the constant call that with every passing second felt more and more like temptation – or if it had simply been a love letter to Jonah.
Perhaps, both.
Truth be told, the project had not begun as either of those things. It was a building meant to bring balance into the world. Surely, an egotistic goal.
Somehow, along the way, through Jonah’s influence…no, it had been simply due to Jonah’s existence. He was, after all, a fascinating man. Robert had fallen for him long before he started this terrible design.
To listen to him, to engage with him… it had been a very interesting experience. Robert could not fault the brilliant minds of their little research group, but Jonah had amazed him.
Now, Robert could see that that infatuation was a dangerous thing. Now that the building was ready and that The Eye was singing to him, now that it was too late, Robert could see clearly.
The building he designed was not the building he had meant to design. This monstrosity should not exist, not in any form, not so easily, and yet there it stood. Robert remembered the smile on Jonah’s face when they stood at the entrance and he remembered the dread he felt as realization dawned upon him.
“Jonah,” Robert had said. His voice trembled; he was scared.
Jonah’s eyes were fixed at the path ahead and the clear excitement that showed on his face was terrifying in a way that Robert had seen before. Jonah was not the first of their friends to chase after a ritual and, right then, Robert knew that Jonah would do so.
“It is beautiful,” Jonah said without looking at Robert.
Robert frowned a little and reluctantly looked away from Jonah and down at the path ahead of them. Where Jonah saw beauty, Robert now saw horror. He felt the urge to call for the whole building to be torn apart immediately.
He looked at Jonah again and, then, he feared that Jonah could already be lost to The Eye.
“I must not heed the call,” Robert said quietly and Jonah looked at him with inquiring eyes. “And I must beg of you to not go any further down that path.”
Jonah blinked at him and, without any more warning, he laughed.
“Oh, Robert, don’t be silly. It is your work that I’m admiring.”
It was a lie and Robert knew it to be so as soon as Jonah spoke the words. The lie stung and he finally realized the truth: it had been a love letter. All the changes in design were a gift that only Jonah would appreciate. Every stone had been placed just to please this man and this man could not see it.
Robert breathed in and straightened his posture. He did not want to have anything to do with this place anymore. He did not want to stand there and he did not want to think of it.
Jonah was still watching him but Robert refused to look at him.
“Is it fear?” Jonah asked in a soft tone that didn’t betray at all the fact that he was suddenly interested in Robert as a subject. “Are you afraid of it, Robert?”
Robert scoff.
“Jonah, I’m only afraid that you might lose yourself, too. I’m only afraid that the world may pay for your mistakes.”
Jonah narrowed his eyes at him.
“My mistakes, you say.”
“Yes. I know what is in your mind when you look at that monstrosity. We share the same thoughts, but I have decided to keep away from that path and you…”
Jonah didn’t answer the accusation and Robert appreciated that he did not lie again. He looked away, back at the entrance of the building.
“Jonah, you must n--.”
“Robert, allow me to thank you for your design,” Jonah abruptly said, cutting off Robert’s sentence.
Robert could feel his cheeks heating up, but he gave Jonah a small nod before speaking again:
“I could not take all the credit.”
It was the truth. His design for this place owed so much to his conversations with Jonah that he ought to know the design was just as his as it was Robert’s. Jonah, however, had never intended for it to show his feelings at all and despite that, Robert had spilled his soul into stone and wood in the most ridiculous declaration of love. A building to withstand so much, a building to bring about the end of the world because his feelings lied with a man that had no qualms in bringing it about.
At least, not anymore.
Jonah took a step closer and put a hand on Robert’s cheek, cupping it with his palm. Robert closed his eyes.
“I know, Robert,” Jonah said and Robert nodded.
“Please,” Robert begged while Jonah caressed his cheekbone with his thumb. “I beg you, Jonah.”
Jonah stayed silent for a few seconds but, when he finally seemed ready to speak again, Robert stopped him by continuing.
“I shall leave this place, and I hope you are to do the same,” Robert told him and opened his eyes. “Let’s not speak of it again. Do not look at my feelings and use them in such terrible ways. Do not love me back, I can stand that, but for you do not love me back at all, and to make a mockery of my affection would be too much, Jonah.”
Jonah was still caressing Robert’s face when he said:
“Perhaps, we are not meant to continue this research together.”
Robert sighed and nodded slowly.
“Perhaps not.”
Jonah leaned in a pressed a gentle kiss on Robert’s lips that Robert knew then that it would be the last one. It was truly and completely a rejection.
“As your acquaintance, I must still beg of you to resist the call,” Robert insisted one more time, but he knew then that it was a vain attempt. Even so, if it were already too late, he would rather lie to himself because, now that it was too late and Robert could see clearly, he did not want to.