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Battles, blood, scars, screams of agony, these were all things too familiar to Xiao, ingrained in his memories like red hot burn marks.
Having been bound to this fate of continuous suffering and neverending torture, Xiao thinks he would be used to it by now, yet each time the night terrors invade his sleep, and the old wounds are again ripped open fresh.
The coppery smell of blood fills his vision, so much red, everywhere, was it his or those who he has slain? Xiao can no longer distinguish.
Time heals all wounds, they say, yet why is it that with every ceasing nightmare, Xiao awakes with cold sweat down his back, the gruesome scenes of battle and the cries of the innocents so vivid in his mind that they feel like mere days ago?
How can one really forget, how can one truly let go when you are forced to relive the same neverending nightmare over and over again.
Once again in the dead of the night, Xiao jolts awake panting, his vision blurry and hands shaking, frantically he looks around the room, not even really knowing what he's looking for except a strong craving for any source of comfort. Until he feels a warm embrace pulling him close, he immediately relaxes under the touch and the alarms blaring in his mind cease.
Warm breath fans his ear as soft whispers drift through the dark night, the dim moonlight outside seems to brighten.
“Xiao? What’s wrong?” Venti’s voice is heavy with sleep, making him sound much deeper than usual.
Gently, Xiao shifts so that he is able to hug an arm around Venti and buries his head in the crook of his neck.
“Nothing, don’t worry. Go back to sleep.”, his voice comes out muffled as his lips move against soft skin.
He takes a deep breath in, and grounds himself in the scent that is Venti’s and Venti’s alone. He remembers asking Venti if he used some sort of essential oil courtesy of Albedo, but the bard only laughed while shaking his head.
Xiao can’t quite explain it, can’t quite connect words to the smell of Venti. Only that it always reminds him of an open flower field, clear skies above and soft earth beneath, with a horizon that stretched far into the distance, so open and vast.
Venti hums, sounding unconvinced but drops the topic. Instead, he gently threads his fingers through Xiao’s hair, again and again, settling to a steady rhythm. The firmness of his touches on his scalp strangely calming. Xiao snuggles closer in content.
A few minutes of comfortable silence later,
“You don’t have to be so tough all the time, you know.”
Xiao stills.
“It’s okay to feel weak at times, especially with me.”
“Xiao,” Venti’s hand movements slow and comes to rest on the side of his face,
“Xiao,” he repeats,
“You don’t have to conceal your fears.”
“I love you. All of you. All the parts of you.”
“Even the parts you perhaps don’t deem to be lovable. To me, they’re all just you, I love you at your best, at your worst. I love the way you so confidently and effortlessly plunge away even the deadliest of enemies. I love the pure look of bliss and satisfaction on your face as you chew on your favourite sweets. I love the way your disheveled hair sticks up all over the place in the morning. I love the way you pretend to be disinterested when I say I want to snuggle but end up enjoying it the most. I love how you sneak glances at me when you think no one else can notice, and the shy blush on your face when I smile back…”
As Venti goes on and on, Xiao can feel his defences breaking down, his shield he has spent years cultivating and honing to perfection. As tough as steel, yet it blows away like dust in the wind with Venti’s every soft murmur, each word shedding away his layers.
Stop. Run away. Xiao can feel his killer instincts kicking in, can feel his entire body screaming at him to escape, from this source of vulnerability that may be his demise.
Rejecting every cell in his body urging him to push away, Xiao only hugs Venti deeper. He only wishes to melt into him, to become one.
“Venti, okay, okay. I think I get your point.” Xiao chuckles, “you said love so many times.”
Venti, interrupted mid-speech, pauses for half a second before laughing quietly, “Oh yeah, yeah I guess I did. Well anyway, my point is, I love you Xiao, I love you so much.”
Xiao can only squeeze him tighter at that.
Slowly, he opens his mouth to speak.
“You don’t have to say it back right now Xiao. I know, I understand that it’s hard for you. You don’t have to say it, I’m willing to wait.”
Xiao feels as if someone is filling his heart like a balloon, so full it edged on bursting.
There is a thunderstorm in his stomach, an overwhelming myriad of butterfly wings fluttering inside him, turning into a hurricane that consumes him.
He finally lifts his head from Venti’s shoulders and attempts to locate the other’s eyes in the half-dark room; he finds them with much ease.
Two glowing sapphires in the night, even brighter than the lowly hung moon outside. They look to him, with so much adoration and understanding, like the gentle winds of Spring that swayed with willow leaves.
Just like Venti himself, they are always so accepting, so forgiving to his mistakes, his tattered past, his scars and his pain.
The thunderstorm inside him grows, scaled wings scratch and itch against out. They nudge at Xiao, urging him to open his mouth and speak,
“Venti I-”
Xiao pauses as he struggles for words, his voice ringing through the silent air, each sound drenched in his feelings of pure devotion.
“Venti.” Xiao says again, “You. You are my dream person.”
The two sapphires seem to shine brighter, sending encouragement to Xiao’s nervous self.
“When I have you in my arms, I feel as if I have the whole world, and when you smile, time seems to halt, and it is only you in my eyes, the most brilliant star in the entire cosmos.”
“Xiao oh my god,” Venti exclaims, as his eyes crinkle into two downwards crescents, “How do you manage to say such cheesy lines with such a straight face?”
“Oh um-” Xiao panics, “I mean- I don’t-”
Venti just chuckles and leans forward slightly to press a quick kiss against his lips, “No I love it, stop fussing. And also, I love-”
“-me” Xiao interrupts, “I know”, he says with a fond smile.
“Good. Good.” Satisfied, Venti finally finds a comfortable position within Xiao’s arms and allows his eyelids to flutter close.
The thunderstorm in Xiao seems to subside, calming down to a tender breeze, butterfly wings beat to the rhythm of his ardent heartbeat.
Although his eyelids are heavy with sleep, and his body weighed down by Venti’s body on his, Xiao feels lighter than ever.
Yeah, he can get used to this.
Maybe the nightmares will never go away, they are a part of him after all, and that’s okay.
Because someone will be there when he wakes up, someone who makes all the nightmares in the world seem like nothing but a fleeting thought.