Chapter Text
Lan Zhan’s head vibrated irritatingly against the bus’s dirty window as he waited for his heart to calm. Closing his eyes against the flashes of late-day sun against the windows of passing buildings, he pushed away thoughts about what he was doing. Everything in his life had been calculated, measured, and scheduled. This wouldn’t be.
For once in his life he was determined to be impulsive. To risk something. Anything. Everything.
His throat tightened, almost making him choke with panic he refused to give in to. Terror he refused to admit was there. If he admitted it was there he knew he would risk changing his mind. Turning back and going home. And that he refused to do. Lan Zhan felt his stomach churn again and told him that it was motion sickness. Perhaps he had gone far enough? At least for one day.
Reaching up above the window, Lan Zhan followed the directions posted on the wall and pulled the long cord that went the length of the bus to signal to the driver he wanted to get off. He was surprised at first, when the bus didn’t immediately coast to the side of the road to stop. Thinking for a moment he had done it wrong, he was soon relieved to find that the bus was simply moving to the next designated stop so it could pull over safely. That made sense.
There was order and chaos in equal measure as he stepped off the first bus he’d ever taken, holding his duffel bag to his chest protectively as he looked down unfamiliar streets.
Taking a deep breath and setting his nerve, he looked left, right, and then behind. There. Perfect. In the distance down that alley he could see the sparkle of water. A river perhaps? If so then he may be able to get his bearings.Nodding resolutely, Lan Zhan re-adjusted the strap of the duffel bag he held so carefully and started walking towards that far-off glimmer.
One step.
Then another.
A longer stride.
Faster.
The water, a river indeed, came closer and closer.
He ran to that water as if it held the last of his hope. As if it held safety. As if it held the answers he was looking for.
It was exhilarating. He lost himself in the wind that tore at his ears and hair. He didn’t stop to check for traffic as he darted across streets. He didn’t think about anything except his destination.He didn’t stop until he reached the railing that separated passers by from the churning river below. Lan Zhan listened to the water lapping at the edge of the cement barrier as he caught his breath, clutching at the stitch that now burned just below his ribs.
The sun was setting now and with it the exhilaration set as well. Anxiety replaced it again and the nausea he’d felt on the bus returned to mingle with the cramp in his side. He clutched the railing and tried his best not to throw up. He needed to keep as much nutrition in him as he could. He had to make sure his supplies lasted as long as possible so he had time to find the next meal and starting off by losing the last warm meal he’d have for a while right from the beginning seemed a really shitty way to begin his new adventure.
Lan Zhan took a few deep breaths and willed his stomach to settle. It was fine. It was going to be fine. And even if it wasn’t, this is what he wanted. If he was going to burn it was going to be because of his own choices. He was going to make his own mistakes.
Nodding again to himself, he set his mouth into a stern, thin line and finally started looking around. The sky was getting darker and he knew when the sun set it would take the warmth of the day with it. He’d have to find somewhere sheltered and hidden to sleep. He frowned as he scanned the area. Perhaps the bridge? It was a ways down the river and it looked promising.
The brittle dry grass cracked under his feet as he forced himself to walk towards his new destination. He wished the excitement he’d felt when he ran to the river would come back. The feeling that replaced it seemed alarmingly like dread. It settled in the pit of his stomach as he walked. It seemed that the sun was taking his hope along with the light.
How stupid was he? What was he trying to accomplish? What good would running away do? It wasn’t like it would change anything. Miserable at home or miserable here.What difference would it make? Sure maybe he’d crack in two under the ever increasing pressure of expectation but at least at home he’d be warm and fed.
Was that better?
His foot connected with an empty can, sending it skittering away and distracting him out of his thoughts.
It was a little late for second guessing. He wasn’t sure when, but the last bus home would leave any time now. Maybe it already had. Would he even know which bus to take? He hadn’t been paying attention when he’d left. He just climbed on to the first bus he’d seen and stayed until it felt like it’d been long enough.
Swallowing down his anxiety, he looked around. He’d reached the bridge and found.. Garbage.
Scattered piles of it. Evidence of fires that hadn’t been lit in a while. Clearly this had been a place to sleep for many before him. Was it currently in use? He didn’t see anyone. Would it be safe? Just for a night. Perhaps he’d just sleep on his duffel bag. That way he’d feel it if anyone tried to take it.
That decided, he started to look for the least disgusting spot of dirt he could find. He knew he’d have to get used to grime, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
“I wouldn’t sit there if I were you.”
A sudden voice startled him nearly to the point of falling over.
“Wo-woah! You okay?”
A small, dirty hand held his arm to steady him. He flinched away from the unexpected contact and the boy threw up his hands placatingly.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
The hand was extended to him again, an offer of a handshake that Lan Zhan didn’t accept.
“Name’s Wei Ying! Nice to--”
“Why?” Lan Zhan interrupted.
“What?” the boy, Wei Ying, asked.
Lan Zhan looked him over. Wei Ying was a boy of around his own age and height by the looks of it, and that appeared to be the only thing they had in common. Where Lan Zhan’s hair was dark, inky black, short and (hopefully) tidy, Wei Ying’s was a lighter brown, long. The tangled mass of it was tamed only slightly through the use of a red scrap of cloth in place of a hair ribbon. While Lan Zhan was clean and polished, this boy seemed to be made of dirt. Lan Zhan stood tall while Wei Ying leaned casually against the cement pillar that supported the bridge above them
Lan Zhan frowned slightly at was likely to be his fate. It was best to get used to the idea now.
“Why shouldn’t I sit there?”
“Huh? Oh! Yeah! It’s just that the debris and rainwater from the road up there slides down right there. Sleep there and you’d better hope to hell it doesn’t rain.”
“Oh,” Lan Zhan said intelligently. He paused for a moment, then asked “Where would you suggest then?”
“Me? Well I’d suggest the nice hotel about half a mile down the road. Looks like you could probably afford it.”
Lan Zhan felt his ears heat up as he noticed Wei Ying look him up and down much as he had just done to the other boy. Unwilling to admit that he was embarrassed and so obviously out of his depth, Lan Zhan scoffed at him instead.
“Ridiculous.”
Wei Ying laughed. Lan Zhan decidedly did NOT notice the way it lit up his entire face. And if his ears were warmer still it was at being laughed at and for no other reason.
“Alright alright. C’mere. I’ll show you my favorite spot.”
Lan Zhan hesitated and watched as Wei Ying headed closer to the clearing. Where exactly was he planning to go? Only to be alarmed when Wei Ying quite suddenly jumped the railing into what was surely just river.
Lan Zhan ran to the railing himself, hoping to pull Wei Ying back up. He hadn’t heard a splash so clearly the other boy must be hanging onto the railing or the edge of the cement.
When he looked over, though, he found that Wei Ying was not hanging, nor drowning. In fact he was beaming up at him from a small platform about 8 feet lower.
“C’mon! This place only shows up when the river is low like this! As long as you clear out by rainy season, it's the perfect hiding place!”
Lan Zhan glowered down at the dirty boy who rolled his eyes at him.
“What are you, scared you’ll scuff your shoes? Come on! You wanted to see the best spot and here it is!”
Properly goaded, Lan Zhan’s scowl deepened. Preparing himself for only a moment more, he vaulted over the railing just as Wei Ying had and nearly overbalanced into the river upon landing.
"Ack! What the fuck!” the boy said, grabbing Lan Zhan around the middle and pulling him further into a small alcove. “Don’t just jump like that!”
“You did,” Lan Zhan pointed out, feeling ridiculous.
“W-well yeah but that’s beside the point!” Wei Ying said defensively. Lan Zhan felt a sliver of satisfaction in flustering if only slightly the seemingly unflappable boy.
Unfortunately that satisfaction was short lived as Wei Ying cleared his throat and donned the grin that was quickly becoming entirely too familiar. “Anyway. As I was saying,” he said with dignity. “This is the best spot. No one but me knows about it so when it’s not full of water it’s usually full of me!”
Indeed the shallow cave did seem to show signs of being lived in. Unlike the piles of debris and garbage above, this area had been kept tidy and swept smooth. There was a pile of rags that seemed to be a makeshift bed and a couple of turned over crates that could serve as chairs or a table as needed.
“Alrighty, Mr. I-Don’t-Want-To-Give-The-Kind-And-Magnanimous-Wei-Ying-My-Name-Like-A-Person-Who-Is-Too-Clean-To-Be-This-Rude. What’s your story?”
Still trying to catch up with the rather long winded and ill-earned title, Lan Zhan blinked at him in confusion, making Wei Ying laugh again.
“Your story! What are you doing out here looking to sleep under a bridge? Did you get lost?” Wei Ying sat down heavily on a crate that groaned under the sudden weight but didn’t shatter into pieces as Lan Zhan half expected it would. He patted the other crate expectantly. When Lan Zhan hesitated, he patted it again much more firmly. Lan Zhan bit back a sigh and decided to stop being quite so obstinate. He sat down carefully and stared at his knees.
“No.”
“No?”
“I’m not lost.”
Wei Ying looked confused for a moment more before understanding flitted onto his face. “Oh I see. A fellow urchin then?” When Lan Zhan didn’t respond, Wei Ying let off a sympathetic sigh. “I mean I’m not gonna judge you or nothin. What made you decide to book it?”
Lan Zhan was quiet again for a long while, deciding how much, if anything, he wanted to say. Wei Ying sighed again, obviously deciding Lan Zhan wasn’t going to answer. He drew in a breath to speak again only to be cut off abruptly.
“It was too much. Everything at home was… it’s too much,” Lan Zhan said, struggling to find a way to describe his plight without sounding like a pretentious whining brat. Here was a boy who was living rough for whatever reason and clearly knew what he was doing. And Lan Zhan was complaining to him that his life was ‘too much.’
“Too much? What do you mean?” Wei Ying asked earnestly. Lan Zhan looked at him, searching for a hint of judgement or a sign that the other boy was laughing at him.
Upon finding none, he decided to risk continuing. What did he have to lose after all? “I… I’m supposed to be perfect,” he said. He shifted his gaze to the packed dirt in front of him. It was easier to speak to the ground than it was to Wei Ying. “Perfect grades. Perfect performance. Perfect manners. Perfect boy. It was too much.” He paused, waiting for laughter. But it didn’t come. He chanced a glance at Wei Ying and found the boy looking at him sympathetically. He didn’t seem about to speak again, letting Lan Zhan say what he needed to say instead without interruption.
“I just… I wanted to try something without having to be perfect at it. I wanted to try something at my own pace. Something I wanted to do for me. Not for the sake of performance. I wanted to have something that was mine.” He took a deep breath through the nose and let it go through his mouth, trying to calm himself. “Every part of my life is planned for me. Where I go, what I do. Who I play with and for how long. Every second is to a time table. I just…. I asked for a day to myself once a week. Once every other week if I could.
“My uncle… he told me he would try to schedule in some time in a few months. He told me to go back to my studies…. I just…. I couldn’t take it anymore… so I ran.”
“Your uncle?” Wei Ying asked when it didn’t seem Lan Zhan was going to continue. Lan Zhan nodded but didn’t elaborate. It seemed Wei Ying was smart enough to get the picture and nodded. “I lost my parents when I was little. I don’t really remember them, if I’m honest. But… Believe me I understand ‘too much.’ That really does sound rough.”
Lan Zhan nodded and stared at the ground again. The two sat in silence for a moment, then another. Just listening to the sound of the water.
“I bet he’s worried about you now.”
Lan Zhan shook his head.
“I’m not expected home until 8:30. He doesn’t even know I’m gone,” he admitted. “Besides, the only thing he’d worry about is the family’s reputation.”
“Mmm… well… maybe… but I bet someone’s worried about you though.”
With a surge of guilt that he’d been avoiding since he shut the front door, Lan Zhan pictured his brother’s face. The one thing he regretted leaving. The one person he’d truly miss. Who he believed truly would miss him.
“I”m right, aren't I,” Wei Ying said. He gave Lan Zhan a moment to answer but continued on himself when the other did not. “Whereabouts do you live, anyway?”
“North of the city,” Lan Zhan said vaguely.
“It’s not too late to go back you know.The last bus that way doesn’t leave for another half an hour. I could go with you if you want.”
Lan Zhan still didn’t answer. Wei Ying sighed, then looked thoughtful.
“How about this… What if… what if you went back now, and if you still feel like you need to run away in 2 weeks, meet me right here? Or.. or even if you just want someone to talk to. Just come here and you can tell me all about it?
“Because trust me, you don’t wanna rough it out here. Not everyone’s as nice as me.” Wei Ying put a hand on Lan Zhan’s shoulder and shook him amiably, but stayed quiet to let Lan Zhan mull it over. “What do you say?”
Another moment passed before Lan Zhan slowly nodded.
Wei Ying grinned at him. “I knew you were smart just by lookin’ at ya,” he said. The grubby boy stood abruptly and dusted off his pants ineffectually. “Whelp, if we’re going we gotta go fast. The last bus may not be leaving for half an hour, but it’s about 20 minutes away so we don’t have a lot of time to spare.”
Lan Zhan barely had time to register the panic that once again filled him before Wei Ying grabbed his hand and started pulling him along the hidden path back up above the bridge. Before he knew it they were running. Wei Ying was fast and more than once he was afraid he’d lost him. But when he turned the corner, sure enough the boy was waiting for him.
“Come on! We gotta move!! Oop Sorry!”
Wei Ying carved a path through the last minute shoppers and people heading home from dinner. He took him down this street and that and the unlikely pair only stopped when they finally reached the promised bus stop.
“We… we made it… Oh good,” Wei Ying said, bent over double to catch his breath.
Lan Zhan panted just as heavily next to him.
‘This is it… this is where we say goodbye, isn’t it?’ he thought. Sure enough in another moment the bus rolled up, stopping with a small screech and a heavy sigh. Lan Zhan gulped and steeled his nerves. He needed to thank this boy. He needed to let him know that he had stopped him from making a very big mistake.
“Lan Zhan,” he said instead, immediately feeling like an idiot.
“Huh?”
“My name… It’s Lan Zhan.”
“Oh? Oh! Lan Zhan! Well it’s nice to meet you, Lan Zhan! Let’s go!”Wei Ying grabbed his hand and started pulling him onto the bus.
“What? But I--”
“Need to make sure you don’t slip away into the night the moment my back is turned,” Wei Ying said as he navigated the way to the back half of the bus and sat down. “I said I’d go with you so I will.”
Against this, Lan Zhan was powerless. He sat down next to Wei Ying, his duffel bag in his lap. With another groan and hiss, the bus slowly lurched back into motion. The two of them rode in silence for a while. Soon enough the shadowed streets started to grow more and more familiar. Soon he’d be home and no one would even realize he’d left.
“I think you should talk to your uncle again,” Wei Ying said. “Maybe if he realizes how stressed you are he’ll relent. Or maybe to the other person. The one you’re going back for. Maybe they can help.”
“Mn….” Lan Zhan said absently. Only a few blocks left.
Only a few blocks left and he hadn’t even thanked Wei Ying properly. He unzipped his bag quickly and started to rummage, ignoring Wei Ying when the other asked what he was looking for. It didn’t take him long to find it. A small stuffed bunny. It was worn out but still soft and clean. It had a few patches where it had been carefully sewn up and it was obviously well loved. Before he could think twice about it, he shoved it unceremoniously into Wei Ying’s hands.
“Thank you,” he said. “For talking sense into me.”
“H-Hey you don’t have to-- I mean it’s adorable really but---”
“I want you to have it,” Lan Zhan said. “I know it’s not much.”
It was one of his most treasured possessions and one of the few things he couldn’t bring himself to part with when he decided to run. He wasn’t sure what made him decide so suddenly to give it away. What was Wei Ying going to do with it? It seemed silly now, seeing it in Wei Ying’s hands.
“I’m… I’m sorry. If you don’t want it..” He started to reach back for it, feeling disappointed. It had seemed fitting to thank Wei Ying with something he, Lan Zhan, held dear and at the moment the rabbit had seemed perfect. As much as he loved that stuffed toy, his heart sank at the thought of taking it back. What else did he have to give?
But Wei Ying held the bunny away from him. “No! No, I love it! I’ll take good care of it, I promise! Until you come to visit me again. You’ll see. We’ll be best pals then and he won’t want to go back to you.” Lan Zhan looked up at him in confusion as the bus pulled up to his final stop. “I’ll trade back next time you come see me, kay?”
Wei Ying smiled so brightly at him, that Lan Zhan had no choice but to smile back.
“Okay.”