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Olivia’s heard the recordings – heard as the psychopath who aided in masterminding her best friend’s wife’s death all but flat out stated Captain Olivia Benson is the one true love of Detective Elliot Stabler’s life to Elliot, Angela, and the camera with audio capabilities that never gets turned off in interrogation. She’s heard them as they’re played into evidence for the jury to hear.
One true love – huh. She’d have thought love didn’t include disappearing without a trace, though she suspects there’s more to that story than possibly either of them realize.
Some of the truth of his disappearance, and the circumstances that led to him coming back into her life, went up along with Kathy, in a plume of fire, ash and havoc on a cold March evening.
It’s December now, and December means the weather feels like those nights again, the ones where the cold can seep into her bones and hide.
She’d politely demurred when Rafael offered to take her out to a friendly dinner, seeing her stricken face after the evidence – I need to be alone tonight, think about things; let’s finish this case and we can catch up over a good steak dinner, though – and even though she could feel his eyes rolling, she knows he understands, in his own way.
She’s walked in a loop, it appears, and she’s right back where she started from: the side of the courthouse, and in the distance, she sees an all-too-familiar figure, hands shoved in coat pockets and his face staring off into the wind.
“Liv.” She hears his voice before she realizes he’s even seen her, and he breaks into a slight jog to make his way toward her. But of course, he’s always seen her, in a way no one else has. When no one else has. “Hey, Liv.” Why should now be any different?
“I thought you were going out to eat with the kids,” she says, looking at him. “At least, that’s what I thought I heard Kathleen saying.”
“Told them I needed to be alone.” So, they’re both needing to be alone, and have ended up together instead. That tracks: alone, yet together, is their favorite conundrum. “Listen, Olivia – about that –“
“You don’t have anything to explain to me.” She scuffs the heel of her boot along the walkway, and chances a glance at Elliot. As she should have expected, his gaze hasn’t left her since she appeared in his line of sight. “Actually, there is one thing.”
Elliot pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and index finger and sighs. “Somehow, I feel like I’m the one on trial in there, and not Wheatley. I’m the one the jury keeps looking at.“ Honesty is one of the things that Olivia has always valued most about Elliot; his honesty and integrity, how he can’t tell even the palest of a white lie without blushing furiously red. It’s an intrinsic part of what allowed them to form the trust they had as partners, and it’s something she’d come to sorely miss in the time he’s been away. “If there’s anything I can tell you, apparently I’m an open book right now.”
She licks the corner of her lips and prays for a salvation she’s unsure exists, or if it does, what form it will take. “When Wheatley said on the audio the one true love of his life with the pretty brown eyes, he meant me, didn’t he?”
He shakes his head, but his expression – that soft smile, that reaches his eyes and illuminates his face, the one she sees when she’s around but suspects doesn’t exist otherwise – stays constant as he gazes as her. “It’s always been us,” he says, softly, and he takes her hand in his. “I’m so sorry you ever felt like it was otherwise.”
“How could I be the love of your life, El, if you’ve never picked me?” It’s the question that’s been hovering on her lips since she heard the audio – no, scratch that, it’s been something she’s wondered for years. To deny the attraction and chemistry between them that has existed all this time would be to deny everything she knows is real, no matter what a piece of paper tried to say. Now, though, the feelings and sensations have been given an audible voice; words have been put to them, making them a reality that exists beyond the two of them.
Elliot’s silent, and she wonders if she’s scared him into silence, but the next thing she realizes is the fact that his lips are slanted against hers and he’s pulling her in for a greedy, hungry kiss. He’s threaded one of his hands through the silky strands of her hair, and the other is cradling the small of her back, sliding her against his warmth.
He nips lightly at the corner of her lower lip, where she’d licked for moisture only moments before, and she can hear him let out a contented groan, a sigh of relief, as she relaxes and melts into his touch. She’s never had a kiss with this much passion poured into it, especially not for a first kiss – though she has a sneaking suspicion this may be her last first kiss.
Liv, you mean the world to me.
You would have loved it.
It’s time.
In a parallel universe, it will always be you and I.
I intend to…Liv, I’m being careful.
To partners.
I love you.
His words come back to her in flashes, and she can still visualize him seeking her out when he was drugged, and him diving in front of the same bullets that ended Felix Tinga’s life and could have easily ended either of their own – he would have taken a bullet for her, risking his own life, even after everything – and the memory of seeing him walking into Fin and Phoebe’s celebration of love that suspiciously looked like a cancelled wedding.
And that’s only since he’s come back.
She doesn’t have to think about times like when he cradled her on the airport tarmac, even after she’d assured him the blood on her blazer wasn’t her own; she doesn’t have to recall Gitano’s name, though it comes to her unbidden at random times, especially because it was when she’d realized how irrevocable her feelings toward Elliot truly always have been.
In his own way, Elliot’s been choosing her all along. He is the kind, faithful, devoted man that she deserved, and always has been.
The difference is, now he’s getting a chance to express the choices he’s never been able to before.
It may have taken them a while – too long of a while – but as it turns out, it’s never too late.
She feels her back ease and brush against the exterior wall of the courthouse, but Elliot’s hand cushions the blow for her. Even through her coat and blouse, she can feel his heat and passion sear through him and she knows she’s smiling into their kiss.
Because damn, does it feel good to be loved by the man she’s always loved, but never thought she would be able to have. She latches her good ankle, the one that wasn’t injured over the summer, around his calf and draws him in closer, and one of her hands slides to cup the curve of his ass.
He breaks apart from their kiss, and cradles her chin in the palm of his hand, tenderly tracing his thumb along her jawline. “Hi,” he whispers.
“Hi,” she says, her voice echoing his words. “Why’d you stop, El?” She wants his tongue to continue working its magic inside her mouth, because if he can work those wonders there, she can only imagine what other skills that tongue may possess, and when she might be able to find out for herself. She’s wanted, for so long, and now that she’s had a taste, she wants more.
He tilts her face up so they’re looking each other directly in the eyes, and he gently rubs the tip of his nose against hers. “I wanted to look at you. I can’t help it. You’re so damn beautiful.”
“Elliot.” It’s a weak protest, because she’s not used to being called beautiful, and it’s doing things that make her heart leap in her chest.
“You are.” He says it as if it’s the truest statement he knows how to make, and she knows that if somehow this came up in the case when he was on the witness stand being examined, he’d swear under oath how beautiful she is and that she is the one true love of his life.
She smiles a coy little smile, and runs her finger down his chest, feeling the ridges of muscle even through his shirt. “Can you look at me later, and kiss me now?” she asks, feeling bolder than she has in a long time. Like she can finally ask for something and not feel like she’s taking more than she’s due to be given.
“Aye, aye, Captain,” he says with a grin, pulling her in for another kiss. “There’s plenty of time for both.”
Somehow, she didn’t doubt it. Not for a moment.
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