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Kojiro still wasn’t sure what he’d done that had gotten Kaoru avoiding him. He understood they were both busy with work and Kaoru had some big commissions and a big demonstration of Carla’s capabilities coming up but still, his current behavior was unusual, especially given his usual bluntness.
Kaoru usually just told him when something was wrong, and if he didn’t on his own, if Kojiro simply asked he usually shared what was on his mind if it had to do with Kojiro or their relationship. He was a little more closed off about personal issues or things that didn’t involve him but even then he usually admitted there was a problem and simply told him that it was none of his business or something along those lines but when he’d asked this time Kaoru simply looked up from what he was working on and while staring at him he simply said, “Nothing is wrong, what are you on about,” with an entirely flat expression. Not that his lack of expressiveness was unusual, Kaoru had long since quit masking around Kojiro but it was still strange because there was definitely something wrong and he usually had at least some expressions even when he was relaxed. But this looked practiced and intentional, too plain for it to not be.
Kojiro hummed to himself as he scrubbed the dishes from the dinner he’d cooked for them earlier, mulling over his options and trying to trace back when it had started. It started at S a few nights ago, he was almost certain of it, they’d been out and playing their usual parts. Kojiro pretended to be interested in all of the hot girls while also spending time with the kids and playfully bickering with Kaoru whenever he made a comment towards him. Nothing out of the regular, right?
Had a fan said something to Kaoru or started a rumor? Probably not, those things rarely affected him and really it didn’t make any sense since their relationship was private to begin with so what was it?
“Kojiro? What are you doing just letting the water run over your hands while you stare? It’s not good for your skin, the environment or our water bill.”
Kojiro looked over to Kaoru as he started up the coffee maker and then looked at the time. 11:23, far too late to be making coffee. Or at least it was if Kaoru was planning to finally come to bed tonight. Kaoru had been passing out at his desk the past few nights and while initially Kojiro had thought it was on accident he was beginning to speculate otherwise.
He sighed and turned off the water, drying his hands and then went over to hug Kaoru from behind, gently grabbing his hands away from the coffee maker. “It’s too late for that, darling. We should go to bed, you especially, sleeping hunched over at your desk isn’t good for your spine.” To add to his point he also pressed light kisses along the back of Kaoru’s neck, something that usually had him melting but right now he just remained stiff.
“I have work to do tonight.”
“You’ve worked late the last three nights and I miss you. and you still won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’ve already told you, nothing is wrong. I’m just busy.”
“So busy you won’t even kiss me? You’ve turned away every time I’ve tried for the past three days,”he replied, finally starting to sound a little mad as he forced Kaoru to turn around.
Kaoru stared up at him, examining his face with a blank expression before it soured and he turned back to start his coffee. Kojiro spluttered for a response but just as he started to open his mouth Kaoru spoke again. “Look…I’ve just realized that,”He fell silent, clearly trying to script a coherent explanation in his head and as impatient as Kojiro was he stayed quiet to let him.
It took a lot longer than Kojiro would’ve liked but he waited, nearly suffocating in the thick silence as Kaoru fixed his coffee and then he finally looked back at Kojiro, his lips curling up just the slightest bit at the corners to form a sad smile. “You said something a while ago, back at S, that I guess always stuck with me but I’d assumed it was a one off comment, something you said to impress your fangirls, not something you meant because if you did mean it then I assumed it would’ve been brought up between us but then last time we were there…that night a few of your fans said something when you were with Miya. They started talking about how sweet and fatherly you looked with Miya and they were right. That just made me realize the comment you made back then, you meant it. You love kids. You…you want kids. It just made me realize that we have very different ideas for what we want in the future and I’ve been thinking about it. I don’t want kids, I’m not good with them but you are and you want kids and I don’t want to withhold that experience from you. So with that being said, and I’ve been trying to figure out how to say this.”
Kojiro shook his head and spoke up to stop Kaoru because he didn’t want to hear him say it, “Kaoru, please don’t.”
Kaoru widened the bitter smile a little more, “It’s okay. It’s probably for the best, we’ve had a good run but if that’s what you want then we should step away from this now. it’s already too late I guess but…it’s not like we’re married and we can still live together until I can find my own place,” Kaoru’s voice shook some. “We can make it work,”he said finally after a deep breath.
Kojiro just stared at him like he was a stranger who’d just walked into their home, because really, what was he on about? Kojiro supposed that he wasn’t wrong, he did want kids but he also wanted Kaoru. He stared silently for a few minutes before he started to push past him, “I need some space.” He moved past him and went to fetch his board before running out of their apartment, he just needed something else, something stable, like skateboarding.
What was he supposed to do with that? So they had been together for nearly a decade and now Kaoru just wanted to end it, just like that?
Maybe it was Kojiro’s fault for not mentioning it sooner. It’d just seemed so far off but Kaoru was right, he needed to start on the kids thing if he wanted it. After all, Kaoru had turned 30 last month and Kojiro would be 31 in a couple months and it suddenly all felt so suffocating. If the kid thing was gonna happen he needed to find someone with the same goals soon but he didn’t wanna adopt a kid into a new and unstable relationship and honestly he’d never even considered the idea of having kids with anyone other than Kaoru. They’d done almost everything together since kindergarten, therefore it seemed like a given that they would do this too but clearly Kaoru didn’t have the same idea.
Kojiro eventually came back home, about an hour later according to the clock though it had felt like a lot longer. Kaoru was still awake but he pointedly didn’t look up from his laptop when Kojiro came back in.
“Kaoru,”Kojiro sighed as he kicked his shoes off. No response despite clearly being able to hear him. Kojiro finally let out a noise of frustration and came over, taking the laptop away from Kaoru. “We need to fucking talk. Quit ignoring me.”
Kaoru glared up at him, clearly pissed off with Kojiro’s decisions, “what is there to talk about? I love you but our plans don’t match up. It’s that simple and we’re getting close to too old to be having kids without it being a bit weird, so I should let you go now to find someone else to be with.”
“I’m not finding anyone else. I don’t want kids without you and if you don’t like kids then I guess I won’t be having kids.”
Kaoru sighed and took his glasses off, pinching the bridge of his nose dramatically. “Look, I didn’t say I dislike kids, if you have kids with someone else I’ll still be around. I just shouldn’t raise them.”
Kojiro froze for a moment. Repeating what Kaoru said in his head. “Shouldn’t or don’t want to?”
Kaoru sighed and just held out his hand, “Just give me back my laptop. I don’t want to have this conversation and I don’t want to lose that file.”
Kojiro saved the files that were open and then shut the laptop, putting it down on their coffee table. “No, we’re talking about this. Why shouldn’t you be allowed to raise kids? You do great with Reki, Langa and Miya.”
“Yeah, as an annoying authority figure. They don’t actually like me, Kojiro. I’m awful with kids, and they don’t like me since I’m not naturally the warmest person.” Kaoru pulled his legs up so he could rest his chin on his knees. “I’d be an awful parent. So I understand why you want kids, and if that’s what you want then I’m willing to let you go for someone else but…it’s best I’m not involved outside of simply being your friend who shows up sometimes, not an actual parent.”
Kojiro sighed and sat down next to Kaoru, trying to process the information.
“Kaoru, the kids love you. Reki talks about how cool you are all of the time and I know Langa wants to talk to you but just doesn’t know how, though to be fair he also just isn’t much a of a talker to begin with outside of talking to Reki and Miya looks up to you a ton, he just thinks you hate him.”
“Why would I hate him?”
“I don’t know, I told him you definitely didn’t though.”
Kaoru whined and just fell over onto the pillows next to him. “See, this is what I mean. I’m bad with kids.””no you aren’t, you just need to be more open with them, more like you are with me. And if it was our own kid I know you would be and they would know how much they’re loved. Plus, you’d be so good at all of the parent stuff I’d suck at, honestly I’ve never imagined raising kids with anyone but you. I don’t think I could do it.”
Kaoru sat back up, his feet settling back on the floor now as he looked at Kojiro with what he believed was a skeptical look but he wasn’t entirely sure. “seriously?”
“Seriously,”he grinned, leaning in and kissing Kaoru carefully, delighted when he didn’t try to lean or look away this time, instead leaning into it.
Kaoru smiled a little and then looked at the floor, chewing his bottom lip and rubbing his feet on the carpet, thinking about it. Kojiro wondered if he was reconsidering. Was he really so insecure in his parenting abilities that he was gonna break up with Kojiro? That would be almost impressive and a bit funny if it wasn’t so concerning.
“If I, hypothetically, agreed to adopting a child, what age and gender would you want? If you even care.”
Kojiro grinned, trying to suppress the rising excitement because this wasn’t a yes, he knew that, but it was still something. “Whatever you want, I mean, don’t get me wrong, I would love a baby but I’d be just as happy with any age.”
Kaoru nodded slowly, Kojiro could tell from his increased fidgeting that he was getting a bit overwhelmed, “I need time to think.”
“Of course, take all of the time you need and regardless of your decision, just know, I’m not going anywhere. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
Kaoru nodded and yawned, stretching and then getting up. “C’mon, let’s go to bed, I’m tired and want to cuddle.”
Kojiro nodded and happily went along with his request, not pushing anymore.
And that’s how they left it for months.
They didn’t really talk about it, there was no need to anymore. Kaoru was thinking about it and Kojiro knew that Kaoru needed adequate time to think about every aspect of large decisions before he came to any conclusions so he was patient.
His birthday rolled around before they spoke about it again. They followed their regular tradition that morning, Kojiro woke up to a red velvet cupcake for breakfast and his favorite coffee, all thanks to Kaoru of course and they got dressed not long after, and this was where things deterred from their usual habits. See, usually they stayed in, at most they went out for dinner, but Kaoru was talking about taking him across town to see something, though he refused to tell him what for some reason.
When they pulled up on Kaoru’s bike and Kojiro saw the “for sale” and “open house” signs he just stood there. “Kaoru? Why are we looking at houses?”
“Because, why not? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a bigger space?” As he said that as he walked ahead, going to meet the lady at the door and introduce himself.
Kojiro followed behind, still perplexed. Listening in he learned it was a four bedroom, three bathroom house with an excellent kitchen and apparently a personal spa in the master bathroom, and it was pricey. It wasn’t out of the range of what they could afford though, the restaurant was doing incredibly well and Kaoru had gotten several huge jobs over the past few months, it wasn’t unrealistic. It was just a bit big for just the two of them so what was the point in spending so much? Even if Kaoru gave Carla her own bedroom, there was still way too much room.
Kaoru eventually carried on into the house to look around, holding Kojiro’s hand as they went. Eventually Kojiro just had to ask, “Okay, why are we house shopping on my birthday?”
Kaoru blushed a little and looked away from him, “It’s a surprise for this evening. Besides, I want a real house and this one is perfect.”
Kojiro wasn’t sure what made it perfect. It was nice, sure, and he was in love with the kitchen but it wasn’t anything special, just a fancy house.
The day went on just like that, Kaoru dragging him around town, not answering questions, instead just piling on more and more as the day continued.
By dinner Kojiro was tired but yet they were still dressing up. He had planned to half-ass it, it was his birthday after all and he would much rather to have laid around at home all day over what they’d done but then he saw Kaoru was doing his makeup for real and that he had heels out for the first time in years and he decided to give it his all.
He was glad he did too because when Kaoru was done, he looked incredible. Wearing his hair up, with his makeup done and jewelry in the few piercings that hadn’t closed up over the years. For once he actually wasn’t dressed traditionally too, a plain suit with a pale green tie, matching with the pale green heels he chose, it all looked so nice.
Kaoru came over and kissed him lightly, gently wiping the lipstick that had transferred off onto Kojiro’s lips for him and then smiling softly. “Ready to go? I got us reservations to the fancy French place you love.”
“Yeah, I’m ready. Thank you.”
It was pretty far so they took their actual car for once. When they arrived they quickly got to sit down and that was when Kojiro started to get anxious, mainly because Kaoru was anxious. He was more fidgety than usual and his mention of a surprise this evening had resurfaced.
What did he want? Was he gonna bring up the break up thing again? No he wouldn’t do that on Kojiro’s birthday, that was just cruel, especially after they’d spent the day looking at houses and talking about their future together all day.
Then it occurred to Kojiro that maybe it was about having kids. That would explain the interest in houses.
They got through dinner, still without anything, though neither of them ate as much as they usually would due to nerves.
“Okay, Kaoru what’s-“
“Let’s go for a walk,”Kaoru said, effectively cutting him off as he grabbed his hand and pulled him across the street to a park.
Kojiro stayed quiet after that, still perplexed and too shocked to ask anything else. They eventually stopped at a fountain to look at the moon and when Kojiro finally wanted to say something again he looked over, having to look down to see Kaoru and that’s when everything clicked.
Kaoru was down on one knee with a small box open to show a ring, “So I’m not gonna make a whole speech because honestly, I tried writing one like ten times and there wasn’t any way to sum up my feelings so I’m just gonna summarize it. I really really love you, Kojiro, and I wanna spend forever with you. Will you marry me?”
Kojiro stared for a moment, looking between the ring and Kaoru before he grinned and nodded, “absolutely. Yes.” He immediately kneeled down to kiss Kaoru, grabbing the back of his head to pull him in.
Kaoru giggled as they pulled away from the kiss, reaching for one of Kojiro’s hands so he could put the ring on. He only then actually really looked at it, it was all small pink diamonds and small emeralds, inlaid in a bronze band, it looked beautiful and it matched them perfectly without being too much. He smiled down at the band and then kissed Kaoru again before he helped him up.
“Thank you so much, this is the best birthday ever.”
“I’m glad you’re so happy, but I do have one more surprise.”
Kojiro raise a brow, not sure what could possibly top a proposal.
“So inside the band, theres two dates engraved, one is the day we met in kindergarten, one is our anniversary of getting together and I left room for one more date. It’s up to you, you can get our wedding date added after the wedding, or, you can put the date we adopt a kid in there or the kid’s birthday.”
Kojiro just stared again, “wait…so…you want a kid?” Kaoru nodded and finally the tears Kojiro had been trying to hold back escaped and he hugged Kaoru as tightly as he could without hurting him. He kissed his head, mumbling incoherent affections. “Kaoru, I love you so much,”he murmured against his hair.
Kaoru laughed against his shoulder and sighed happily, “I love you too, you big oaf, now get off of me so we can go home, these heels hurt.”